Criminal rape has been expanded to include Date Rape, a crime based on consensual sexual intercourse between a male and a female. It entails the female doing one of the following:

(1) Consented while intoxicated,

or

(2) Consented due to the persuasiveness of her 'rapist',

or

(3) Consented, seemed to enjoy, but later came to regret the act.

The third item on this list is, by far, the most ingenious NO-NAD-perpetrated contribution to criminology. They added a new crime, date rape (a.k.a. acquaintance rape), defining it as any consensual sexual intercourse that the female comes to regret...afterwards. In practice, this means that if, at any time in her life, one of a man's former, female sexual partners comes to regret their sexual interlude, she can redefine this sexual union as 'rape'. This type of rape does not require the use of, or threat of, force on the part of the male. It is rape because she so defines it.

PIG is more than a little disappointed that the 'Sisterhood' didn't take item three to it's logic extreme. We, respectfully, suggest they add the following new crimes to a woman's arsenal. Following in the footsteps of Date Rape, why not:

DATE GRAND THEFT AUTO:
Ms. Victim: You see, your honor, we decided to go out to a movie, and I asked him to drive my car. But, afterwards, I decided that was wrong because he didn't reset the seat properly and he didn't set the parking brake when we got home. Therefore, I withdraw my consent; He stole my car.

DATE KIDNAPPING:
Ms. Victim: Yes, your honor, I did agree to go out to dinner with him and, at the time, I seemed to enjoy it. But, the next day when I thought about the snooty waitress, the overpriced food and the disgusting music, I really regretted the whole experience so much, I'm sorry I went with him. I withdraw my consent; He kidnaped me, your honor.

Looking to the Future of Feminist Criminology in the 21st Century

Catherine MacKinnon, and other visionary feminists, include male sexual fantasies, male-oriented erotica - erotica with women as the focus of male desire - and any other unspoken, inner, sexual thought about women as rape, criminal rape...lock the bastard up and throw away the key rape. An appropriate name for this would be Thought Rape.

In her book, 'Only Words', MacKinnon sets out a detailed argument that Thought Rape is a real life crime. The smoking gun, for MacKinnon, is the fact that sexual images, written or visual, arouse men...give them an erection. Since men can, and invariably do, derive some form of sexual satisfaction from this imagery, they have, by MacKinnon's definition, participated in the acts themselves. The man has, she insists, forced the women portrayed in the imagery...forced all women, to perform sexually with him. He has, she declares, just raped the women portrayed. By extension, MacKinnon concludes, he has raped all women.

A dude is watching Rear Window and starts getting 'warmies' for Grace Kelly, a woman who could give a cadaver the warmies. According to MacKinnon and her feminist cohorts, our dude just raped Grace Kelly. Since sweet Grace has been room temperature for years, he's not only guilty of rape, he's also guilty of necrophilia!

If I understand MacKinnon's assertion, any time a dude 'throws wood', he's committing a crime. Before we accept this 'woody as the smoking gun of male criminal behavior' assertion, we should explore the implications more fully.

The sad truth is that dudes can throw wood, anywhere, any time, over damn near anything. I know dudes who go into serious heat over a well-polished door knob. Show most dudes a new Corvette and you'll see some real 'woody' action.

If MacKinnon's Thought Rape is added to the criminal codes, with 'packing wood' as the smoking gun, Amerika can't build jails fast enough to house this tidal wave of criminals. I suppose we need to name this crime: 'Unlawful Carnal Knowledge of an Inanimate Object'.

PIG is shocked that, once again, The Sisterhood has stopped short, when exploring the full potential of this new area of criminal behavior. Why stop at Thought Rape?

We begin with another of MacKinnon's smoking guns. This one involves a dude getting 'emotionally involved' in the imagery he's consuming. By this standard, we must take the next logical step from Thought Rape, to Thought Murder:

Let's say dude enjoys murder mysteries, watches action shows/movies or subjects himself to horror/slasher movies. Let's further state that the imagery in question employs women as murder victims. The instant the dude becomes emotionally involved in this crime, he's a murderer.

PIG will trust all of you guilty dudes to do the right thing and turn yourselves in to the proper authorities. Far be it from a lowly male to offer unwanted advice to The Sisterhood, but, if you insist on starting down the path of redefining male criminal behavior, you must have the 'NADs' to see it through to the bitter end.

Just a suggestion, babes.

– T. D. Treat