The dastardly capitalists skulking within two Chico (Mexifornia) restaurants incurred Sombrero Stomping wrath when they had the audacity to - gasp - advertise Caesar Chavez Day specials. How dare they commercialize this Korrectnik holiday? We're shocked, and so are the usual suspects. Spearheading the Chavez Day whine-a-thon, MEChA meatheads found the restaurants' ads unremittingly "demeaning". For those who obsess on such things, here are the fun facts about the ads that launched Chico State (a Mexifornia Ivory Tower) Ethnocrats:

Normal Street Bar's ad "shows a busty woman picking fruit and offers discounted drinks to people wearing sombreros."

Bunz Thrill of the Grill's ad offers thirsty patrons "discounts on tequila shots and a brand of Mexican beer"

Chico State Ethnocrats reached orbital velocity when they noted that these dastardly, spelling-challenged capitalists misspelled the honoree's name. Unapologetically amused - in the extreme - PIG, eagerly, doff's its sombrero to honor Normal Street Bar and Bunz Thrill of the Grill for their courage under Ethnocrat fire. Breaking news: Political Incorrectness is alive and well in Chico, Mexifornia. Can we get a rousing "Ole" from the congregation? Probably not.

WMU Republicans Thrill Campus Korrectniks
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire

Those pesky College Republicans are at it again. Determined to commemorate Michigan's Cesar E. Chavez Day - celebrated on March 31 - Western Michigan University's college pachyderms declared Thursday, March 31, 2005 "America First Day" and invited conservative icon, Patrick J. Buchanan to give them a rousing, on campus, speech about stemming the border jumping scumbag tide. That primal scream you just heard coming from the Wolverine State emanates from campus Korrectniks who are so thrilled by the news they can't find the right words.

PIG salutes Western Michigan University's college pachyderms for their inspired, in-your-face, hall of fame caliber, political incorrectness. If anyone has a spare poster advertising this event - we're especially fond of the one that reads "Viva Buchanan! Celebrate Cesar Chavez Day with Pat Buchanan" - send it our way we'll hang it in a place of honor in our editorial offices.

WMU Update
Conservative icon, Pat Buchanan earned a Immigration War Purple Heart, during his appearance at Western Michigan University yesterday. Campus Korrectniks showed their true colors when a so-called 'student', bombarded Mr. Buchanan with salad dressing during a post-speech question and answer session.

Proving that he's a bigger - and better - man than this cringing, campus cretin will ever be, Mr. Buchanan decided not to press felony charges. PIG salutes Pat Buchanan for his courage under fire.

Harvard's GLAAD BAAG Hissy Fit
Source: Harvard Crimson (Harvard's student fishwrap)

[The following terms and definitions are required for this piece:

GLAAD BAAG:
Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Annoying Dykes Boys And Alleged Girls*.
*Alleged Girls covers: bi, tri, quadra, poly, and transexuals, plus crossdressers.
Source: Standard PIG prose

Heteronormative:
Any word, image or action which implies that standard sexual relationships are only between males and females
Source: New Korrectnik term used by GLAAD BAAGs

Are we all on the same page now, Sparky?]

When Jada Pinkett Smith - wife of film star Will Smith - arrived on campus to accept the Harvard Foundation for Intercultural and Race Relations "Artist of the Year" award, her ensuing, award accepting, prattle put certain pink triangle, differently-sexual, knickers in a hyper twist. The instant Jada finished her speech, a campus GLAAD BAAG cabal - Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Supporters Alliance (BGLTSA) - went Korrectnik bonkers because "some of Pinkett Smith's remarks concerning appropriate gender roles were specific to heterosexual relationships" (Crimson). A heterosexual female who is happily married to a heterosexual male discusses relationships in heterosexual terms! They're shocked, shocked, I tell you that such insensitivity is allowed to occur at this fabled Ivory Tower where - gasp - hypersensitive, GLAAD BAAG whiners might hear it.

And what, you ask, did Jada say that set off this Korrectnik crisis at Harvard? The Tongue Tied Internet site cited the following example:

"Women, you can have it all — a loving man, devoted husband, loving children, a fabulous career ... You can do whatever it is you want."

How dare she say that at Harvard? How dare she dispense life lessons on how to maintain a happy marriage with a...man? Something must be done and right damn now. Fear not, devoted reader, Harvard's Korrectnik horde is all over it. Faster than warp speed sissy spit, Jada's harmless, commonsense, remarks on her life and marriage generated a full blown, Korrectnik crisis:

The BGLTSA (henceforth called "the Whiners") issued a press release demanding an apology from the Foundation (henceforth called "the Ethnocrats) for Jada's "insensitive", "heteronormative" remarks.

The Ethnocrats, immediately, agreed to meetings with the Whiners to "address concerns" resulting from Jada's remarks.

The Ethnocrats promised to issue a letter apologizing to the Whiners for any offense caused by Jada's heteronormative prattle.

The Ethnocrats pledged to warn future speakers that Harvard University is riddled with hypersensitive Korrectnik asshats who wear their "race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, gender and class" on their sleeve, so any aspiring speaker should censor his, her, hisher, or its prattle accordingly. So far, the only verbiage getting universal approval from all campus Korrectniks are: "Hello" and "Goodbye". "Thank you" is still being hotly debated.

The Whiners and Ethnocrats will "kiss and make up" at a forthcoming joint breakfast then a forum where all the usual campus Korrectnik groups can spout their victimhood drivel.

By now, some of you - and we both know who you are - will be accusing your favorite pagan scribbler of exaggerating. Since I feel your pain, I offer the following quotes from this Harvard Crimson piece to expose this Korrectnik furor in all its fetid glory:

Whiner co-chair, Jordon B. Woods:
"Some of the content was extremely heteronormative, and made BGLTSA members feel uncomfortable. Our position is that the comments weren’t homophobic, but the content was specific to male-female relationships."

Another Whiner co-chair, Margaret C. D. Barusch:
"I think the comments had a very strong focus for an extended period of time on how to effectively be in a relationship—a heterosexual relationship. I don’t think she meant to be offensive but I just don’t think she was that thoughtful."

Ethnocrat co-chair Yannis M. Paulus:
"Pinkett Smith was just giving the story of her life. She just told things from her perspective, and her perspective was a heterosexual perspective. She wasn’t trying to be offensive. But some felt she was taking a narrow view, and some people felt left out."

As usual, this pagan scribbler has several points to make about Harvard's asinine, Korrectnik antics:

The eggheads no longer teach human biology at Harvard University or they'd be up to speed on the hard-wired, biological imperative to reproduce. They'd also be up to speed on the fun fact that said reproduction requires - you might want to send the kiddies out of the room - a male and a female getting horizontal and squishy...together.

The eggheads no longer teach anthropology at Harvard University or these Korrectnik nitwits would understand that, statistically speaking, heterosexuality is the standard sexual relationship practiced by at least 90% of the alleged humans on this planet.

Jada Pinkett Smith gets a "pass" on her panty-twisting prose for two reasons. First and foremost, she's Melanin-Enriched (black, A.K.A. African-Amerikan). Equally important, it seems safe to assume that Jada won't be the keynote speaker at the next vast right-wing conspiracy planning session, because - presumably - she's a liberal in good standing.

The salient factoid here isn't Jada's remarks, nor is it the fetid fact that the Whiners went postal over them. The real shocker here is that so many allegedly intelligent individuals at one of Amerika's premier universities took the Whiner asshats' "heteronormative" bovine excrement seriously. If some plain vanilla "how to make and keep a happy marriage" prattle destroys 'life' as they know it for these Ivory Tower GLAAD BAAGs, these differently-sexual cretins are egregiously unprepared for the unflinching reality that lurks off campus in the dreaded "real" world. They're headed for the mother of all reality checks and I'd give any-damn-thing to be there when life bitch slaps them.

Middle Tennessee State University Korrectniks held a "teach-in" this week to address the Ivory Tower's number one with a bullet problem: erasing the patriarchal slur "Lady" from the given name for the Ivory Tower's female sports teams. For those who care, this Ivory Tower fishwrap spews the following Korrectnik prose about this stop-the-presses issue:

'...MT Solidarity held a teach-in Wednesday afternoon concerning the social and political dimensions of using the word "lady" in athletics...' (Sidelines, emphasis added)

"When we use the word 'lady,' today at least, we recognize it as sort of a sexist remark. It is used to sort of suggest secondary status. There are certainly formal occasions in which one would like to be treated as Mr. or Mrs. Significant, and we say Ladies and Gentlemen ... that's sort of a norm at restaurants and awards ceremonies, but just about everywhere else ... it just isn't really appropriate." (Ryan Husak, a member of Solidarity as quoted by Sidelines)

Setting aside the obvious conclusion that Ryan Husak is a congenital moron, this pagan moves on to the most telling fact about this Korrectnik confab. Although the organizers tried to lure, cajole and/or intimidate female athletes into attending this whine-a-thon, not a single player from the "Lady Raiders" showed up. PIG News salutes the Lady Raiders for their superior judgment when faced with Korrectnik lunacy.

Afterthought
One Ivory Tower egghead, sociology professor Jackie Eller, opines that eradicating "lady" is just the first step on long, torturous road to true "equality" in this patriarchal Amerikan hell:

"...if we change, as many universities have done, to equity in names such as Raider women and Raider men, will equity occur? Well, I don't think so. Not without more hard work throughout society that continues to point out the evils of inequality and make necessary changes." (Sidelines)

I don't know what Ms. Eller is smoking, but whatever it is, she needs to share this superb, mind-altering stuff with those forced to sit through her relentless, mind-numbing blithering.

Adventures In Campus Korrectness
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire

Wisconsin
Those dastardly College Republicans are at it again at a cheesehead Ivory Tower, Marquette University, with another, panty-twisting, fund raising escapade. At first glance, the plot to raise money for Amerikan servicemen serving in Iraq appears harmless enough. As usual, that pesky devil lurks in those delicious details. Things got thrilling in a heartbeat when the this collegiate pachyderm cabal served up 'the rest of the story':

'...[College Republicans set up a table to raise money for] a group called Adopt a Sniper, which says on its Web site it supports snipers deployed by the United States armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan. The group says it "helps real snipers get the real gear they need to help keep us safe."...' (Reuters)

If any College Republicans from this cheesehead Ivory Tower lurks in the PIG news audience, put us down for three of your "1 Shot 1 Kill No Remorse I Decide" bracelets. Tell us how to close the sale and we're in business.

Afterthought
If you want more information on Adopt a Sniper, surf the information superhighway to www.adoptasniper.org.

Official disclaimer: Although we support their goal to raise money for our troops, PIG is not affiliated with Adopt A Sniper...at this time.

Campus Korrectnik Follies
Source: Tongue Tied

Excuses, Excuses
The Ivory Tower pinheads who infest Harvard University just pioneered a stunning new 'reason' why the oppressed can't catch a break. It's called the "stereotype threat" and it's something special:

'...the condition arises when "members of a stereotyped group risk doing something that conforms to the dominant culture's typecasting. If their performance coincides even slightly with a demeaning belief, they may be reduced to that stereotype, either in the minds of others or in their own minds."...' (Tongue Tied)

Stereotype threat? Stereotype threat! The eggheads who pen Harvard's Mental Health Letter need to cut back on the adult beverage and stop puffing on those funny smokes. And how, you ask, would this shiney new excuse work? Wonder no more. If you're dumb as a box of rocks and just happen to be Polish, it's not your fault when life doesn't go swimmingly. Nope, it's that nasty old "stereotype threat". If you're a chronic boozer who can't go five minutes without an adult beverage infusion and you just happen to be Irish, your alcohol dependancy isn't your fault. Nope, it's that nasty old "stereotype threat" that oppressed you into being a drunken bum.

Fear not, stereotype threat victims, Harvard's pinheads are there for you. Instead of taking responsibility for your own actions, your own achievements and your own shortcomings. Best of all, you're now empowered to blame society for your problems, and, browbeat the oppressors into paying for your 'counseling by a trained mental health professional'.

Lone Star State Uproar
Lone Star state (Mexas) inmates of a Mexas Ivory Tower, University of North Texas, thrilled the socks off campus Korrectniks when the Young Republicans perpetrated an attention grabbing jaw-dropper called "Capture an Illegal Immigrant Day". It's not what you think, but it's a hoot, none the less:

'...For the stunt, the Young Conservatives wore bright orange shirts that read "Illegal Immigrant" on the front and "Catch me if U can" on the back. Passers-by were encouraged to track them down around campus and win a prize...' (Tongue Tied)

You don't need Nostradamus, prophetic Tome blithering, a crystal ball, tarot cards or tea leaves to predict that the usual Korrectnik suspects got their panties in a mega wad over these right-wingnut campus hijinks. LULAC's (League of United Latin American Citizens) spokeswench, Pricila Cardenas, decried this exercise in free speech as "offensive" and "hurtful", among other things, then declared that conservatives shouldn't be allowed access to the campus's free speech zone. This wench needs a reality check, stat: From Maine to Mexifornia...from Mexas to Minnesota, Amerika...every square inch of the USA is a free speech zone, darlin. If there's anything amiss here that merits your undivided attention, it's the fetid fact that this Ivory Tower set aside a special place on campus where free speech "is allowed" to take place.

Elephant Clan inmates at an Oklahoma Ivory Tower, University of Central Oklahoma, thrilled campus Korrectniks spitless when the College Republicans cabal announced its forthcoming "Straight Pride Week". Everywhere the campus Korrectniks roam they see fliers publicizing the festivities: "We're here, we're conservative, we're out." A campus GLAAD BAAG (see PIG Glossary for a translation) group, Gay Alliance for Tolerance and Equality (GATE), responded - in the spirit of tolerance and equality, no doubt - by deeming the pachyderms' stunt "an assault on homosexual students".

How, exactly, does "Straight Pride Week" oppress the differently-sexual? It doesn't, unless these GLAAD BAAG whiners want to confess that their ubiquitous Gay Pride day/week/month antics oppress the cringing heterosexual horde. GATE's hypersensitive whiners need to get over themselves, stat, because, they created this 'wear your sexuality on your sleeve' hell with their noisy, public, Gay Pride prance-a-thons. All things considered - in the spirit of tolerance and equality - it's beyond fair that these GLAAD BAAG whiners burn in this hell they perpetrated.

Making The Monologues Properly-Diverse
Source: Oregon Daily Emerald (University of Oregon)

That infamous NO-NAD diatribe against patriarchal oppression, "The Vagina Monologues", is getting assailed by certain properly-hyphenated suspects because it's too white, too straight and too skinny. Although it's steeped in victimism, "The Vagina Monologues" is under assault from the properly-hyphenated horde because it isn't diverse enough to suit certain perpetually-offended whiners at this rain-soaked, Oregon Ivory Tower. According to University graduate Nicole Barrett, NO-NADs of "a variety of skin colors, body sizes, abilities and gender expressions" are egregiously underrepresented. I'm shocked, shocked I tell you and so is this shrill Harpy who issued a public statement bitch-slapping the play's purveyors.

The Daily Emerald offered the following snippets of Barrett blithering:

"I would just like to call attention to the fact that this could have been a more diverse cast, but a safe and welcoming environment was not created for people that I consider to be 'underrepresented,'..."

"Know that what you are seeing tonight is not the result of an inclusive process. Know that this space was not one where honest questions and concerns about race were tolerated."

"The Vagina Monologues is a very good cause but not all women were represented in this production of the monologue."

Senior Katie McClatchey, the shows director, offered to establish 'a dialog' with the play's properly-hyphenated critics, but that probably won't satisfy a shrieker like Barrett. Is a happy, NO NAD ending out of the question? Not necessarily. This lowly patriarchal oppressor has a modest suggestion to resolve this contentious issue: Why don't these whining bitches settle this the old fashioned way, in a campus-wide, claw each others eyes out, winner gets to cast the play, pay-per-view? I guarantee it will make a lot more money than this pathetic, NO-NAD play. Why must I always do the heavy, intellectual, lifting for these chronically-oppressed whiners? I give, and give and give...[Sigh]

Ivory Tower Tolerance
Source: Denver Post

Political discourse reached a new 'low' when a Fort Lewis College (Colorado) egghead, Maria Spero, kicked a student because he wore an Elephant Clan shirt. While grabbing a nosh at an off-campus eatery, the part time college instructor took one look at Mark O'Donnell's shirt - it read "Work for us now...or work for us later" - and kicked him in the slats. What happened to that Ivory Tower egghead mantra about "a free exchange of ideas"?

In her defense, Ms. Spero did express her regrets...at the time:

'...[After kicking Mark, Ms. Spero opined that:] "she should have kicked me harder and higher," O'Donnell said...' (Post)

This poster wench for Ivory Tower tolerance got apologetic, for real, after her victim reported her to the Ivory Tower and made noises about pressing charges. Among other things, she noted "...I did not know you and that you are a Fort Lewis student" (Post). Is this wench saying that it's cool to physically assault a political foe as long as he, she, or it isn't a student at her Ivory Tower? Bold new concept.

The essential lesson here is that emotionally-induced violence is this egghead's first response, when someone serves up opinions that conflict with her own political delusions. Her reaction tells you all you need to know about the Ivory Tower egghead mindset. Ivory Tower eggheads love free speech, as long as you tell them what they want to hear. Stray from approved Ivory Tower orthodoxy an you'll see what they really mean by 'a free exchange of ideas': if you exchange the wrong ideas, they'll assault you.

Perhaps I've been too hard on Maria 'Kick Him in The Slats' Spero...After all, she's just doing what comes naturally.

When his "where the hell is the damn elevator" impatience reached critical mass, a dorm-dwelling, University of New Hampshire dude got proactive. Like most "it seemed like a nifty notion at the time" inspirations, Tim Garneau's scheme had unanticipated results: UNH officials banished him from the Ivory Tower's dorms.

In theory, his plan to speed up elevator response by reducing elevator traffic isn't fatally flawed. In theory, but reality is a terminally uncooperative bitch. He, obviously, didn't know that Korrectnicks have no sense of humor, or he wouldn't have done...it:

'...Garneau posted fliers Sept. 3 that showed a fit woman in a workout leotard and said: "Nine out of 10 freshman girls gain 10 to 15 pounds. But there is something you can do about it. If you live below the sixth floor, take the stairs. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but you will also be saving us time and won't be sore on the eyes."...' (Globe)

Outraged UNH eggheads threw the book at Tim, charging him with 'lying to school officials, violating an affirmative action policy, harassment and disorderly conduct' (Globe). That easily, Tim lost his room and wound up living in his ride. Unwilling to accept his cruel fate, Tim got FIRE [Foundation for Individual Rights in Education] involved, and, it appears to have UNH officials worried. Now, they're willing to overlook everything but "lying to school officials". Also, they're cool with putting him on probation, and promise to give him the next dorm room, when one is available. Unwilling to accept those terms, Tim continues to hang tough.

If and/or when this is resolved, PIG will bring you all the thrilling details. For Tim's sake, let's hope it gets settled before Winter makes living in his ride hazardous to his health. When we know...you'll know, so, stay tuned.

Story Update
Faced with a public relations nightmare and relentless pressure from FIRE, the University of New Hampshire surrendered and, miraculously, found room in the dorm for Tim Garneau. Proving how groundless their initial antics were, school officials dropped requirements for a mea culpa essay and diversity indoctrination classes.

The good guys defeat another Ivory Tower! Kudos to FIRE for another stellar victory. Kudos to Tim Garneau for hanging tough.