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PIG
NEWS DIGEST
| VICTIM 'HOOD
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DECEMBER 2006
Surrender Monkey Lard-Ass
Source: Reuters [12/20/06] A Surrender Monkey lard-ass named Jean-Jacques Jauffret went shyster shopping after Air France "humiliated" him by forcing this wide load - he admits to a scales-pegging 352 lbs - to purchase a second seat. When he protested this indignity, he was further humiliated by having his ample waist measured in the New Dehli airport. We’re shocked, shocked I tell you, but the best is yet to come. During the trial this week, the lawyer for Air France hurled several PIG-worthy verbal harpoons at this catewauling wide-load whiner:
This bloated pile of French blubber wants 8,000 euros in damages and 500 euros to reimburse him for the cost of that extra seat. Will he get it? We’ll find that out in February, but, since this is France, not an outpost of rationality, he’ll probably get at least that much. A New Victim Group Coronated In Florida Land of Hanging Chads Elected Tormentor, State Rep. Priscilla Taylor, is running a new victimhood group up the legicrap flagpole in the hopes that someone will salute it this time. Who, you ask, is in desperate need of Nanny State protection from "hate crimes"? You’re going to love it.
Is the suspense killing you? Toughen up, Sparky, I’m getting there. This victim group is - drum roll - homeless people. That’s right, homeless people. How the hell did I miss the memo that announced the "homeless" were the newest "protected group" in the Nanny State collection? Shame on me. And, shame on newly elected Florida Governor Charlie Crist for supporting this bovine excrement. There are times, this being one of them, when "it’s Florida" stops being a satisfactory explanation for this crap. PIGish Afterthought: It's time for each of us to find room on our victimhood scorecard for "homeless-Americans". Tales From The Victimhood Atlanta (Georgia) Unwilling to let this matter sort itself out via the on-going FBI-led investigation, the Rev. Al Sharpton flew in on his broom and spread the usual joy in his wake:
The informant whose prattling led to the raid, has subsequently changed his tune and is now insisting that the narcs ordered him to lie about the incident. The police reply that the informant is still in protective custody and is a key component of the investigation. The Big Apple Whatever the facts, the overriding element is this: Melanin-Enriched, "unarmed" Sean was shot to death during a confrontation with the NYPD. There is, however, a salient fact that complicates this story for the usual race card waving suspects. Although Sean and his co-horts were Melanin-Enriched, the 5 police officers involved were not all lily white. In fact there were black, white and Hispanic cops involved in the shooting. Does that take the wind from those Ethnocrat sails? I’ll let you be the judge:
Was this a clean shooting, or did the officers overreact? It’s too soon to tell and everyone should chill out and wait for all the facts to be analyzed before "rushing to judgement". Washington D.C. The two cases are from opposite ends of the country - Seattle (Washington) and Louisville (Kin-Tucky) - but they share a common thread. Both cess-schools tinker with the racial mix in their to achieve that brass ring of racial bean counting "diversity". The high court will decide if this practice passes the Constitutional smell test. Impatient, as always, the usual Ethnocrat subjects are staging demonstrations and spouting the usual race card drivel instead of waiting to hear what the highest court in the USA has to say on this subject. NOVEMBER 2006
Plus-Size Pinheads Plot A New Path to Victimhood Human hippos are plodding a path to Ivory Tower recognition as an "oppressed" group. Wrapping themselves in plus-size prose about their victimhood, these porkers see themselves as the next "big" thing on campus. The goal of their quest is - we’re not making this up - Fat Studies.
Here and there an Ivory Tower Egghead has blazed a trail - a very wide trail, no doubt - for the newest thing to hit campus:
Weightism? When did someone add that to the Korrectnik lexicon? While we are discussing these Ivory Tower buzzwords, would someone like to explain what in blue goddamn blazes a "department of human movement" is? If you think this Fat Studies crap is mere wishful thinking, guess again. The plumpers promoting this insanity already have a "Fat Studies Reader" that they are trying to get printed by the university presses. As stupid as this all sounds, the promoters are deadly serious. Fortunately, at least one rational adult toils in academia:
It’s no accident that the woman spearheading this Fat Studies crusade is a grad student in women’s studies where she got glutted on victimhood. What’s next, a whiner cabal for left-handed people who view themselves victims of the oppressively right-handed mindset of American society? Will left-handed studies allow the ambidextrous into the new victim group? Decisions, decisions. Jaw-Dropping Stupidity A Land of Hanging Chads hackette, Golden Beach City Manager, Bonilyn Wilbanks-Free, did a header into intransigent Korrectness when she decided it would be a spiffy idea to call her Melanin-Enriched assistant "a mammy" in front of witnesses. So far, she’s just being a garden variety dumbass, but she decided to up the ante and try for that PIG Award brass ring. How? In her pathetic attempt to make things right, Bonilyn told her assistant, Barbara Tarasenko, that - we’re not making this up - "I just love Aunt Jemima". That launched Barbara Tarasenko nicely and before you could say, "flapjacks", the race cards were flying:
The Town Attorney wants everyone to put a lid on it until an investigation by an outside firm is completed. That sounds reasonable enough to us, but we offer this timely advice to Ms. Wilbanks-Free: when you find yourself at the bottom of a race card hole of your own making STOP DIGGING DUMBASS! "I just love Aunt Jemima"! What the hell were you thinking? Korrectnik Bonkers in Florida The race cards are flying in Fort Pierce (Florida), a fun fact that got a Fort Pierce Building and Code Enforcement hired gun fired over a joke gift. The drama started when the this Florida blight’s Building and Code Enforcement director, John Alcorn, called a melanin-enriched code enforcement wench "a monkey". Faster than a speeding race card, the woman ran whining to the EEOC. In record time the EEOC began investigating at least 4 incidents of "racial discrimination", a turn of events that made John Alcorn take early retirement to save the city some money. Fast forward to the present and we find a contracted building and enforcement minion named Dan Gargas stepping in it so majorly that the City Manager, Dennis Beach, fired him from his $88,000-a-year job with the city. And what, you ask, did Dan do that put him in job hunting mode so unexpectedly? As a gag going away gift, he gave John Alcorn a toy monkey. Spouting drivel about "the seriousness of this incendent and the insensitivity demonstrated" City Manager Beach dumped Dan like a bad habit. So far, this story seems - tragically - unremarkable. But, there’s much more to this story. Dan didn’t climb out on that fragile toy money limb all by himself. In fact "the idea of the gift was formed by a large gorup of department members". A code enforcement wench named Janey Singer bought it and presented it to John Alcorn. She gets a pass, however, since she wasn’t in on the discussion and only agreed to buy then present it, after the idea was laid on her. We suspect that Dan was chosen to be the head that had to roll since he’s a contract employee and much easier to fire than a signed, sealed, delivered and protected city bureaucrat. Dan seems to be willing to take the blame, so we suspect that he’ll land on his feet in short order. On the other hand, the group that was in on the gift discussion is probably destined for a special circle of Korrectnik hell called "sensitivity training". I’d tell you that I gave a flaming damn, but that would be a lie. Code enforcement is an especially pernicious form of Nanny State bureaucratic abuse, so anyone who perpetrates it deserves whatever crap comes their way. Spanish Whiner Daily Double Whining Womyn
You’ll be pleased to learn that, according to the city’s nadless hacks, these new, inclusive signs won’t cost the taxpayer one damn cent. If you believe that one, I have several bridges in San Francisco to sell you. Whining GLAAD BAAGs Victimhood Doubleheader Walla Walla (Washington)
No doubt, the mandatory diversity symposium will teach those dastardly oppressors a lesson they won’t soon forget. Was the black face party a great idea? Not in terminally lefty Washington, but it didn’t come close to justifying all this Ethnocrat handwringing. Charlotte (North Carolina) The sound byte they played over the Forestville High P.A. system was in German and it featured the phrase prominently, but the real thrill came when some history-minded adult realized that the featured German speaker was Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels. The coach of Forestville high’s opponent - Charlotte Catholic High School - tried to turn the Nazi audio clip into a full blown race card incident by claiming that some Forestville players "shouted racial epithets" at his two Melanin-Enriched players. Do we really need to tell you that the Charlotte Catholic coach is also Melanin-Enriched? Probably not, but it never hurts to give you all the relevant facts. Everybody in authority at Forestville High School is suitably apologetic and vows that they’ll see that this sort of thing never happens again. It would be nice if the matter ended there, but we all know better. School district officials from Gaston County now require that all any/all recordings must be reviewed and approved by school personnel before they can be played on the P.A. system. Determined to get their pound of flesh, the North Carolina High School Association is "investigating". Big Apple GLAAD BAAG Coddling Thanks to the Big Apple’s Metropolitan Transit Authority, riding the Subway just became a bit more adventurous. Cool your jets, crime buster Sparky, that’s not what we have in mind. It’s something much worse than your garden variety mugging. Under a new ruling, the genderally confused "transgendered people" who feel that call of nature can use any bathroom that thrills them spitless. In practice that means you might have a close encounter with a 70 year old alleged human named Helena Stone, a cross-dressing creature whom one perceptive cop called "a freak, a weirdo and the ugliest woman in the world". Helena (real name is Henry McGuinness) whined to the Big Apple’s Human Rights Commission after the cop laid this freak low and banned it from the women’s restroom. The Korrectniks on the city’s HRC were so dazzled by Helena’s shyster team that they ordered to MTA to pay Helena $2,000 and give it free access to any restroom it wants to use. You’ll be thrilled to learn that this "anywhere you want to do your business, tranny breath" policy also covers the city’s government and other public use bathrooms in the city. If you’re in the Big Apple and feel that call of nature, tie a knot in it if you can, or get ready for some amazing encounters. Korrectness On Steroids If their intention was to humiliate themselves, the Kirklees Council did an exceptional job when they put together a booklet detailing the council’s "equality policy" for its workers. Here, for your reading pleasure are a few of the highlights:
When the richly-deserved derision poured down on them, the Kirklees Council whined that the booklet is no longer used and that this whole uproar is a politically-motivated attack. I’m glad we settled that without any name calling. PIG is willing to be magnanimous and let these clowns off the hook for their antics, but we’re just a tad bummed that www.pigazette.com isn’t the mandated homepage for every computer in the Kirklees Council’s bunker. OCTOBER 2006
Italian-Accented GLAAD BAAG Angst Source: Reuters [10/27/06] Despite all the problems plaguing the D-Cup heartland, the number one issue that obsesses the Italian parliament is which bathroom MP Vladimir Luxuria should use. Europe’s first "transvestite" MP, Luxuria has the regulation male nads, but routinely channels hisher’s inner "chick" by dressing in female clothes and doing hisher business in the women’s head. The members of parliament might learn to live with Luxuria’s choice of attire, but this bathroom thing is giving them fits. The obvious solution - assign himher to hisher own bathroom - has been suggested. As spiffy as that sounds, these Italian Elected Tormentors already have "issues" with their bathroom costs: In the ‘austere’ 2007 budget, a cool $2.5 million has been set aside for the upper house - the Senate - to pay for soap, toilet paper and cleaning products. Will Luxuria ever have a bathroom to call her own? Will the women who share their ‘facilities’ with Luxuria learn to ‘get over it’? We don’t know, but it should be very entertaining to watch the fun. It’s a damn shame we can’t find a Luxuria of our own and throw himher into the U.S. Senate. I’d pay big bucks to watch Teddy The Swimmer and Blithering Bobby Byrd cope with that. Sexual Discrimination? The drama that led to a sex discrimination lawsuit against Natrona County School District (Casper, Wyoming) started innocently enough. In 2002, two female coaches for the girls basketball team held a sleepover at the school, with the school district’s permission. School officials only placed one, non-negotiable requirement on the sleepover: all the students must remain on school grounds during this sleepover. Despite this unambiguous condition, the coaches allowed the students to leave school to toilet paper the nearby homes of two male coaches. It was an innocent enough prank, but one that landed the two coaches in hot water. As a result of their antics, the coaches were suspended from teaching for 21 days and banned from coaching for 2 years. Ouch. The lawsuit claims that the women received harsher punishment than their male counterparts:
Did the women get harsher punishment? It looks that way, as far as we can tell. Is this blatant sex discrimination like they claim? We seriously doubt it. Did the women willfully and deliberately violate the district’s explicit instructions about the sleepover? You better believe it, Sparky. PIG suspects that the harsh punishment has less to do with the coaches gender than it does with the students’ gender. Like it or not, we give girls an extra level of protection here in the USA. That, we suspect, is the real reason for the punishment meted out. Psychobabbler Sez "Naughty" Makes Tykes Victims Annette Mountford strayed into the PIG’s awards page bull’s-eye when she blithered her demented notions about childhood on a BBC radio program. For those who care, Annette’s claim to fame is the fact that she’s the chief executive of a "parenting" cabal called "Family Links". Annette is, we suspect, off her medication again, because she thinks that calling a child "naughty" puts the tyke on the fast track to a permanent depression due to a debilitating lack of - drum roll and trumpet fanfare - self esteem.
This blithering idiot goes on to pontificate about tykes acting out their "pain" and doing things that are - in her fevered brain - a cry for help. In the therapeutic culture, there are no bad children. There are only tykes with "unresolved issues". Calling them bad, she insists, inflicts a lifelong trauma. What a load. We’re pleased to report that a stray rational adult, Hugh McKinney of the National Family Campaign, knows a steaming load of psychobabble when it stinks up his airwaves:
Bad is having the psychobabble spewing wench polluting the airwaves. Unthinkable is making Brit taxpayers shell out for this steaming load of crap. Siberian-American Whining Daily Double Squawling In Idaho
Rep. Harwood isn’t the only one who is resisting this outbreak of Siberian-American Korrectness. Kootenai County Commissioner Rick Currie has had it with all this name change mania. His constituents are dead set against the change and so, it appears is he. Unhappily, the decision rests with the state’s name council and we’re betting that Korrectness will prevail because it’s the only way to stop this bout of Siberian-American caterwauling. NCAA Goes Feather Bonkers We strongly suggest that you grab your preferred adult beverage before reading the following bovine excrement from a gutless NCAA punk named Bob Williams:
We’re pleased to report that, for once, some Ivory Tower Eggheads "get it" when it comes to the NCAA’s Korrectnik insanity:
If you’re a Siberian-American and those two feathers make your life a living hell, give us a call. We’ll get a gun, load it with bullets and cheer while you put yourself out of our misery. Your relentless caterwauling is getting on my last raw nerve. Grow a pair and shut your damn pie hole, you whining rat bastards. South Carolina Panty-Twister When it comes to straying way outside the utterly cliche "box", Charleston City Councilman Larry Shirley is in a class by himself. His award winning outburst came after three delinquents (a 14 year old girl, a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old boy) were busted for a hold-up at a Hollywood Video store in Charleston (South Carolina). More than a tad annoyed, our dude Larry uncorked this award-winning politically incorrect prose:
You don’t need to channel Einstein to predict that Larry’s heroically incorrect prose elicited a storm of protest from the usual whiners. We’re guessing it’s safe to assume that one or all of the delinquents were Melanin-Enriched, based on this line from an AP story:
Did Larry beat a hasty retreat and issue an apology? We’ll let you be the judge:
Give ‘em hell, Larry. A Nip In The Air An amateur comic - a Brit named Michael Wishart - thrilled everyone when he posted a dose of humor in the column he writes for a monthly publication called "Triangle Magazine". A man who is noted for his "robust views", Michael laid this dose of award winning political incorrectness on his devoted readers:
Far from finished, Michael also took a swipe at multiculturalism, complaining that it was "undermining" the British way of life. Did the excrement hit the proverbial cooling device? You better believe it Sparky and Brit korrectniks are demanding that Rev. Michael Wishart be forced to resign his job as priest at St. Mary’s in Bishops Lydeard, Somerset.
Although Rev. Wishart apologized for his attempted humor, he’s not the least bit interested in resigning his position at St. Mary’s. That’s too damn bad, because, Rev. Wishart has all the right stuff to make a dynamite PIG staffer. SEPTEMBER 2006
Siberian-American Whines With Brit Accent Source: PIG’s Golden Oinks 2006 [09/29/06] Statistically speaking, Sir Richard Branson’s new advertisement for Virgin Train was unlikely to "offend" anybody, since by the most optimistic estimates, there are only 25 Siberian-Americans living in the UK. Although the humor in his new advertisement is quite pointed, it is on balance so harmless it shouldn’t offend anybody. Straight out of the familiar horse operas from the 1940's and 1950's, the ad is described by The Sun, as follows:
Big fun, but not according to one of the 25 Siberian-Americans living in the UK. Steve Pattinson is outraged, horrified and threatening to sue over the "sickening" ad that harkens back to "the dark ages of cowboy and Indian movies". Is the ad silly? You bet. Does it invoke familiar stereotypes? That too. Is it a fate worse than death that will rot Steve’s headdress and destroy life as he knows it? Not no, but hell no. Grow a pair Steve. Shyster Bonkers in Burbank Two whining Mexifornia pinheads - Reginald Lee and Jennifer Merkle - are in a lather over the "sexist" antics perpetrated by the Lakeside Golf Club. According to their shyster assault, these whiners vilify Lakeside for it’s womyn-bashing antics. Exhibit A is the way Lakeside ‘discourages women from becoming members’ and limits ‘them to undesirable tee times’ (Daily News). Exhibit ‘B’, and one that has the PIG staff overheating, is an annual golf tourney at Lakeside where - we’re not making this up - ‘male golfers are served liquor by nude females’ (Daily News). You’re going to have to excuse me a few minutes while I give that last tidbit the undivided attention it deserves... When you dig further into this story, Reginald Lee’s true motives become clear:
In the lawsuit, whiner Lee claims that they’re kicking him out because of his lawsuit, but the evidence seems to tell a different story. Reginald is a career butt-hole who wore out his welcome at Lakeside with his antics. When he saw the proverbial handwriting on the wall, this alleged man decided to punish the gold club with this shyster assault. This epic promises to be big time fun, so we’ll keep you posted with all the spiffy details. Naked brewskie servers? Hubba, hubba and feel free to quote me. Ruling of the Week A federal judge presiding in the Gulag (San Francisco) gave the green light to a lawsuit against Target stores because the firm’s Website isn’t sufficiently user friendly according to the Shyster Full Employment Act (American’s with Disabilities Act):
The lawsuit that Judge Patel green-lighted was perpetrated by some shysters who whine that Target’s Website isn’t tricked out to make it accessible by - we’re not making this up - the blind. According to the National Federation of the Blind, the blind "are entitled to equal access to retail Websites". Entitled? The blind have the inalienable RIGHT to use Target’s Website? Give me a damn break. AUGUST 2006
Fresh From the ‘Hood Source: PIG News Wire [08/31/06] In the name of tolerance and understanding, denizens of Colorado Springs are getting up close and personal with a mutt named Norman whose most noteworthy accomplishment is "mooing". Before you start speed dialing "Ripleys", be advised that Norman is the star of some boob tube ads whose purpose is to promote "understanding" between civilians and the differently-heterosexual:
The "Norman" ads, plus another voter initiative promoting campaign coincide with the run-up to the fall elections during which Colorado denizen’s will vote on Referendum "I". If passed, Referendum I would ‘give gay couples basic rights, such as visiting a hospitalized partner, making end-of-life decisions and inheriting property’ (News). Supporters of "I" quickly point out that it’s not GLAAD BAAG marriage, but it remains to be seen if Colorado voters will punch a chad for that idea. No matter what you think about GLAAD BAAGs and their "rights", you should give props to the perpetrators of this Norman ad for creating an innovative, attention grabbing campaign. It’s a damn clever way to present their message in a non-threatening way. Race Card Wrangling Reaches Critical Mass In Orlando It’s not PIG-worthy news when a melanin enriched Orange County (Florida) hack turned a routine traffic stop into a race card flailing incident. However, this gem has several spiffy elements. To bring you up to speed, here’s the original incident as reportered in the Orlando Weekly:
Daisy Lynum went Ethnocrat bonkers and demanded the police chief’s head on a platter. When he didn’t comply, she rounded up more elected tormentor Ethnocrats to give her race card flailing whines more clout. That, so far, hasn’t borne fruit, but there’s one more factoid that you need to know. For that gem we’ll let our PIGster Randy Welker do the heavy lifting:
Kudos to Randy for bringing this story to our attention. Race Card Wrangling in Spokane The properly-hyphenated whiner at the center of this race card drama earns bonus points for being, female, melanin-enriched plus a Mecca Maniac. Her name is Angela Harper and she‛s busy as hell painting an EEOC (Equal Employement Opportunity Commission) bull‛s-eye on an outpost of capitalism called "The Starlight Lounge". The capitalist under assault, Doris Morgan, insists that she "treated Angela like a daughter", promoting her from janitor, to dishwasher, and ultimately, to waitress. According to Doris, Angela "was not a good server" but Doris "kept trying to make it work for [Angela]". According to Angela, she was a world class waitress, but she decided to go for the brass ring and become a cocktail server, a position that pulled down a much higher wage. According to Angela, Doris shot down her bid for cocktail waitress saying she wanted "hot white girls" for that position. Subsequently, Angela quit, but that didn’t stop her from sprinting to the nearest EEOC office to nail Doris with a racial and religious discrimination double whammy. The Nanny State has no damn business telling Doris whom she must hire, fire or promote, because it’s not a legitimate government function to set criteria for employment or promotion. If Doris is the dastardly racist, Mecca Maniac hating woman that Angela claims she is, then the marketplace, not the Nanny State will make her pay for her "sins". GLAAD BAAGs Dissed GLAAD BAAG pride took a hit when a poly-sexual (technically male) synchronized swim team - the San Francisco Tsunami Swim Club's team - was barred from performing an exhibition at the FINA World Masters Championships. The Eggheads from Stanford University where the meet was being held where very supportive, but the same can't be said about the spoilsports at the International Olympics Committee. According to the IOC, synchronized swimming is a "women-only" sport. Worst yet, these IOC "neanderthals" are sticklers when it comes to defining "female". A GLAAD BAAG's blithering about channeling his "inner chick" isn't going to cut it. Life is so unfair that way. We're all misty-eyed here at PIG News. (Sniffle, sniffle). Playing the Race Card In Buffalo This tempest in a teapot began in December 2005 when Gary Nice, the owner of Buffalo's minor-league basketball team, sold the franchise to its new owners, Dan Robbie and Todd Wier. The only bump on this otherwise smooth ownership transition involved the team's name. For reasons only he knows, Gary Nice decided to retrain exclusive use of the teams former name 'The Rapids', prompting the new owners to search for a new name. Don and Todd asked the teams players and coaches for their ideas. They responded with numerous suggestions but the new owners decided that Modie Cox - a player and assistant coach - came up with the winning idea: The Buffalo Silverbacks. Melanin-enriched by reason of birth, and a rational adult by choice, Modie didn't see anything wrong with the new name and neithe did anybody else, until...A local Ethnocrat named Betty Jean Grantwent postal when she spotted a small item about the name change in the local fishwrap:
Despite Betty's race card wrangling antics, member of the Buffalo Silverbacks organization are hanging tough. One reason for their resolve is the fact that they aren't the first sports cabal to adopt the name "Silverbacks". Other "Silverbacks" include a semi-pro football team in London, Ontario and a pro soccer team in Atlanta. As fun as the name is, this story gets better. If the name didn't launch Betty and assorted other local whiners into an race card tizzy, the team's new logo damn sure did. It's 'an intense, red skinned gorilla pointing at the viewer' (News). A scribbler for the Buffalo Criterion fishwrap, Eva M. Doyle, spewed this drivel about the image: "I think it's offensive . It looked like an angry black man. I think it's offensive to people who are looking at ti from a historical perspective." Wrong, whiner breath. It looks like a big red gorilla with an attitude problem. You're the one who is injecting the alleged "racist" interpretation. PIG salutes Dan Robbie, Todd Wier and everyone in the Buffalo Silverbacks organization for responding to this race card lunacy with a virtual "bite me". "Silverbacks" is a spiffy name and your new logo rocks our PIGish world. Angst in the 'Hood Every year, melanin-enriched Seattle denizens stage a culturally correct festival called the 'Umoja Fest'. Billed as "Seattle's largest and oldest black community celebration", Umoja (Swahili for "unity") is staged in a historically-black section of town called the 'Central District'. As spiffy as that sounds to the merely mortal, there is a dark cloud hanging over Umoja this year. It's called "gentrification" and it's slowly changing the nature of this venerable Seattle 'hood. In practice, "gentrification" means that old buildings are, slowly, giving way to new condos. It will also mean new businesses setting up shop to serve the needs of these new Central District residents. As a result - if all goes as predicted - the 'hood goes upscale and, gradually, prices its former denizens out of the housing market. Another byproduct of "gentrification" is a decrease in street crime. Is any or all of this bad? Not in a rational world but this epic takes place in the victimhood, where one of Umoja's organizers, Omair Tahir, spewed this over the top prose: "We are trying to keep our cultural base here. The new racism is economic apartheid." That's right, PIGsters, improving the 'hood with new domiciles, new businesses and lower crime is "economic apartheid". Learn something new every damn day. NCAA Korrectness Continues Egged on by complaints from the Black Coaches Association, the NCAA is thisclose to expanding its ban on championship events in South Carolina to include baseball and football. Under prevailing rules 'predetermined postseason events such as basketball regionals and cross-country championships' can't be staged in The Palmetto State. If the ban expansion is imposed, it would mean that schools wouldn't be allowed to host postseason games for the aforementioned sports. The reason behind this Korrectnik outburst is the Confederate Battle Flag that flies proudly on Statehouse grounds. This furor over the venerable Stars and Bars reached critical mass in 2000 when the NAACP perpetrated an economic boycott over the Confederate Battle Flag that flew atop the state's Capitol dome. Trying to strike some middle ground, the state's legicrats voted to move the Confederate Battle Flag from the Capitol dome and relocated it on the Confederate memorial that's also on Statehouse grounds. Did that end the matter? Grow up. The NAACP continued its economic boycott. Equally unmoved, the NCAA - thanks to ample Ethnocrat arm-twisting - imposed a two-year moratorium on holding pre-determined post-season events in South Carolina. The other shoe will drop on The Palmetto State in a few months, when the NCAA renders its decision. Based on the NCAA's eagerness to plunge headlong into Korrectness, don't hold our breath waiting for them to tell the Black Coaches Association to "get over it". The "right" not to be offended is alive and well in American coaching circles. JULY 2006
The Great Hair Dryer Adventure Source: PIG's Golden Oink's Page [07/28/06] A spelling-challenged thespian named "Mo'Nique" (henceforth "Mo", since I refuse to type that asinine name more than once) made the Golden Oinks cut this week after she managed to turn a dust up over a hair dryer into a full blown race card incident. The fun started when Mo's stylist wandered up from her coach seat to stow a hair dryer in the overhead storage bin in first class where Mo had parked her wide load. A United Airlines flight attendant took umbrage over this invasion of first class by a lowly coach dweller and chided the stylist for stowing the hair dryer in the wrong cabin. Another flight attendant joined the heated debate, refusing to believe that the hair wrangling implement belonged to Mo. When Mo joined the hot air festivities, one of the flight attendants told Mo, "Tell your people that the next time they have an attitude, they're being thrown off....Since 9/11, we don't play around." That was all it took for Mo to switch into diva mode, a major miscalculation on her part. Faster than you can say "hippo huff" the flight attendants summoned the local cops about a "disgruntled and belligerent passenger" and evicted the plus size "sista". That's right, PIGsters, Mo got her wide load cookies tossed from the plane. If you think she's going to let the matter stop there, guess again. Brandishing her handy-dandy race card, Mo is vowing to organize a melanin-enriched boycott of United Airlines: "I won't fly [United Airlines] again and I hope no other black person will fly them either." GLAAD BAAG vs Cross Cult Daily Double Chicago (Illinois) According to WND, Chicago's men in blue cracked down on Repent America because the holy rollers were sharing their views outside a designated "free speech zone". When the group moved to another - suitable - locale, the cops returned and carted 3 Repent America true believers off to the local graybar hotel. Unwilling to tolerate that, Repent America lawyered up and filed an emergency motion for a restraining order. With the fat in the fire, the government agency that runs Navy Pier, decided that a little free speech - even Cross Cult speech - wouldn't destroy life - or business - as they know it. Does that end the matter? Get real. Still seeking their pound of flesh, Repent America is suing Chicago and the cops for violating their free speech protections by confining them to designated "free speech zones". Call me names if you must, but America - from sea to shining sea - is a designated free speech zone. If Chicago wants to restrict speech at Navy Pier, they need to privatize it, and let the property owner make that call. It's called "liberty", something the clowns running the Windy City don't seem to understand. Philadelphia (Pennsylvania)
A spokeshole for Philly's Center for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights applauds this move, whining that the taxpayers shouldn't be forced to subsidize "discrimination". Once again, a Korrectnik vs True Believer whiz-a-thon comes down to property rights. The land in question should be privatized, stat, after which the new owner will be empowered to decide who gets to use the land and how much they should pay. Baring that, the city's Cross Cultists should pass the hat and pony up the "fair-market rent" demanded by the city's bean counters. GLAAD BAAG Name Calling Whenever you mix significant numbers of GLAAD BAAGs with heterosexuals, name calling is destined to happen. In our Korrentnik plagued times, such incidents, invariably, lead to some pinhead spouting drivel about hate speech or in certain lefty enclaves a "hate crime". That's the way things happen in most parts of Korrectnik America, but not Provincetown (Massachusetts). Why? Because Provincetown is a GLAAD BAAG Eden, especially in the summer when GLAAD BAAGs arrive in impressive numbers. The name calling still occurs, but in this differently-sexual enclave the roles are reversed with GLAAD BAAGs doing the name calling. There are also well-documented instances when the city's differently-heterosexual majority spews racial slurs at the town's Jamaican workers. We're shocked, shocked I tell you. As expected, no matter what the GLAAD BAAGs do, nobody is even considering spouting drivel about "hate speech" or "hate crimes". Doesn't everyone know that only heterosexual white males perpetrates such dastardly crimes? Paragons of tolerance that they are, GLAAD BAAG activists take their antics to the next level by publishing - on a Web site called www.knowthyneighbor.org - the names of those Bay State individuals who signed a petition to overturn the state's gay marriage laws. The two Provincetown denizens who signed the list have been on the receiving end of daily verbal assaults and one of the petition signers was the victim of a physical assault by an outraged GLAAD BAAG. When pressed to defend these antics, the towns GLAAD BAAG majority is tolerant to a fault: "They asked for it when they signed those petitions." Plodding Porkers Banned in Oak Park? Oak Park (Illinois) is one of the most egregiously lefty, terminally korrectnik enclaves in America. You're forced to imagine our smirky glee when our embedded Midwestern reporter, Swino McRant, reported that Oak Park's korrectnik hacks are doing everything in their power to prevent a Lane Bryant outlet from setting up shop in Oak Park. Avoiding anything remotely real, two "village" hacks, Village President David Pope and Village Manager M. Ray Wiggins are dancing around their own hypocrisy. Dazzled by the fact that Oak Park was recently named one of America's sexiest suburbs on "The View", these two hacks think the city's "sexy" image would be tarnished by human hippos plodding into town to buy some of Lane Brant's plus-size attire.
Obviously, these Village idiots are incapable of seeing the big picture. With all those plus-size ladies plodding into that section of town, it's destined to do wonders for harpoon sales. A designer harpoon business is an idea whose time has come in Oak Park. Bold new concept. Update: "Our hope is we’ll be able to resolve this issue appropriately and expeditiously, and I believe that that will be possible." (Village President David Pope) "As far as we’re concerned, we’re in the process of welcoming Lane Bryant to the Eleven 20 Club. There are no significant issues. There’s certainly every expectation it’ll get worked out." ("As far as we’re concerned, we’re in the process of welcoming Lane Bryant to the Eleven 20 Club," said Richard Curto, CEO of RSC & Assoc., the developer of the property in dispute) Ironic Tidbit of the Week "African Americans have watched their community [in the Central Area] change. They see a new group doing all the things that they used to do and that has created some interesting types of resentment. We shouldn't be distinguishing between whether someone comes from Africa or America." (Melanin-enriched home grown activist Rev. Robert Jeffrey of Seattle) Normally, a story about melanin-enriched whiners kicking up a fuss over an upstart properly-hyphenated group horning in on their territory wouldn't make the PIG News cut. Normally, but this one has a spiffy factoid. The group that has "African-American" victimhood panties in a wad are African immigrants. The distrust between the rival groups is serious stuff that plays out in government schools, hiring practices and crime statistics. The latter fact is demonstrated by a recent deadly confrontation during which a gun-packing, home grown melanin-enriched female accosted two African men - one Ethiopian the other Eritrean. As a result one man is dead, the other wounded, and the properly-hyphenated whiners are looking for a way to blame it all on whitey. This Northwest Nitwit fishwrap interrupts its relentless hand-wringing to share these tidbits:
PIG News finds this item endlessly amusing. We suspect that the African immigrants are doing what so many immigrants did upon reaching America. They're busting their butts to earn their rightful share of the American dream. No whining, no demands, just hard work and a desire to make a better life for their family. Hazelton In The Bull's-Eye If you're a PIG News regular, you already know that Hazelton, Pennsylvania just thrilled all the usual suspects by passing the toughest immigration laws in the USA. Under the newly enacted law, the city will deny a business license to any firm that hires illegal immigrants. The new law also fines landlords who rent to border jumpers $1,000, plus it mandates that English is the town's official language. The ink was barely dry when the usual parasite coddlers, plus some we're just getting to know, crawled out from under their rocks. In addition to the ACLU - big shock - the rat bastards at something called Puerto Rican Legal Defense and Education Fund are gearing up to take the town to federal court. Undaunted by these race card wranglers and their accusations, the town's Mayor, Lou Barletta, plans to fight them every step of the way. He's fighting to save his town from the higher crime rates, overcrowded classrooms, failing schools and the financial load that border jumpers impose on the city's hospitals and public services. Give 'em hell, Lou. JUNE 2006
Nadless In L.A. Source: PIG's Girlieman of the Week [06/30/06] This NO NAD panty twister started, a month ago, when Hooters of Hollywood pitched a fund raising idea to Ed Boks, general manager of L.A.'s Department of Animal Services. The club offered to donate the proceeds of a live concert and bikini contest to the city's animal services department. They even pinned a name on this event "Hooters for Neuters". The bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device when some NO NAD spotted a link to the Hooters bikini contest on an L.A. Animal Services web site. The usual NO NAD suspects started hammering the city, creating such a shrill din that some differently-male city hacks joined the noisy whine-a-thon:
Eventually, the uproar drove Eddie into a full blown girlieman retreat: "It was not our intention to offend. As general manager, I personally apologize to anyone who was offended." PIG offers this sage advice to Eddie, from the bottoms of our PIGish hearts: Grow a pair, dude. Alcohol Named a Date-Rape Drug Wisconsin's NO NADs are celebrating this week, now that the state legislature passed a law that made adult beverages a date rape drug. This cheesehead fishwrap describes the new NO NAD coddling edict this way:
In other words, plying "her" with liquor is now a Class C felony. As fun as this sounds it gets worse. Even if she gets drunk all by herself, and gives you the green light without any "plying", "begging" or "crying" on your part, you could still be nailed for date rape, if, at any point in her life, she comes to regret the whole thing. Your goose is cooked the instant she claims "I was too drunk to know what I was doing". If you're a rookie on this fetid date rape scam, you need to surf on over to PIG's Gendercrats section and read our NO NAD Justice page. File this NO NAD epic under "When 'yes' means 'no'" in your PIG News archives. NO NAD Panties in a Wad, Again! "There is a quiet war going on in America agasint the most basic rights of Americans to make their own personal decisions about family planning. This war against contraception endagers basic American values." (Commrade Hillary) Comrade Hillary isn't the only one alarmed by the VRWC's antics. According to the scribblers at the New York Times, the vast right wing-nut conspiracy has perpetrated the following "outrages" during W's Oval Office tenure:
Are the VRWC true believers trying to black flag the morning after pill by any means necessary? Apparently. When you cut through all the crap, you get down to that venerable institution, the marketplace. It's up to the relevant capitalists to decide if they want to stock the morning after pill. It's the pharmacy owner who must decide how to deal with a pharmacist who refuses to sell birth control pills. It's the health insurance capitalist's inherent right to decide how his health policies must be tailored. The proper role of government in this matter is quite clear: butt the hell out, Nanny State Sparky. If Comrade Hillary and her NO NAD pals want to promote the morning after pill, then she/they should get into the pharmacy business, the health insurance business and make sure that the morning after pill and morning after pill insurance coverage is available. That would allow the marketplace to determine if the product is as critical as they claim. Je$$e Does It Again America's number one race card wrangler, Je$$e Jackson, announced his plans to extort money from more deep capitalist pockets this week. This time out, BP (British Petroleum) is the lucky firm that's supposed to pay Je$$e his hefty "shut the hell up and go away" bribe. Je$$e fired his opening shot across BP's bow by returning the firm's $10,000 "contribution" that made them a "Bronze Sponsor" of this year's 35th conference of Je$$e's race warrior cabal, the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. Je$$e wants more, a lot more. No doubt, Je$$e hopes that BP's suits are too busy pocketing oil profits to realize that Je$$e isn't the Ethnocrat player he pretends to be in his self-serving pronouncements. For the usual laundry list of imagined sins, BP is targeted for a boycott by Je$$e and his greedy minions. According to Je$$e, BP is shockingly racist. They get 30% of their gas revenue from the Melanin-Enriched but there are fewer than 20 retail stations in the US owned by Melanin-Enriched individuals. The only way Je$$e sees to resolve this issue is a boycott, unless BP plays along with this extortion and lines Je$$e's pockets with a couple million bucks. That's right PIGsters, Je$$e wants his cut of those oil profits. To set the record straight, for all the good it will do, BP cites the following facts:
Will Je$$e plunder those deep BP pockets? Don't bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor on it. The New York Stock Exchange told Je$$e to go pound sand, as did several other large firms and nothing untoward happened to them. The World Pride Panty Twister You don't need tea leaves, a crystal ball, a magic 8-ball, or a memo from Nostradamus to predict that Torah True Believer panties are in a hyper wad over the forthcoming World Pride parade. What parade? It's the parade that GLAAD BAAGs near and far plan to perpetrate in Jerusalem this August. Big fun? Yes, and no. Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak is, to say the least, going postal over the forthcoming parade. Since it seems next to impossible to stop the World Pride parade, he decided to stage his own parade, a few days before the world pride-a-thon:
A local organizer for the World Pride parade, Noa Satat, Chairman of the Jerusalem House for Pride and Tolerance counters the parade's critics with this prose:
Don't hold your breath, 'can't we all just get along' Sparky, because Rabbi Yitzhak is very hard core. Single Gender Classrooms In at least 223 government schools across the country, a new Educrap experiment is producing noteworthy results, a fact that has certain NO-NAD whiners in a lather. The rationale behind single sex classrooms is quite straightforward:
The foregoing assertions about boys and girls benefitting from single sex classrooms is given added credence by experiments conducted by a Florida elementary school. Fourth graders were "randomly assigned to either a single sex or coed classroom". At the end of the school year, all the fourth graders were assessed by the same standard tests:
Government schools in Georgia and elsewhere report equally "promising" results, but that won't cut any ice with the NO-NAD whiners in the American Association of University Women. They find this growing affinity for single-sex classrooms downright alarming. Among other things they see boys-only classrooms as a blatant assault by the Bush administration on their cherished Title IX, womyn-coddling special privileges. Allowing boys to be taught in their own separate classrooms is blatant discrimination against females, these NO-NAD Eggheads whine. If you can't read between the lines of this plaintive NO-NAD whine, PIG is all over it. These AAUW whiners are terrified that boys might finally get the primary education they need and that means more boys will be entering colleges and universities in greater numbers. That's the last thing the AAUW wants, because it might undermine the AAUW's iron-fisted control of America's Ivory Towers. Brit Sexual Harassment A Brit Korrectnik cabal - Equal Opportunities Commission - painted a sexual harassment bull's-eye on "lewd office e-mails" and certain "porn images on computer screens". Determined to make life thrilling for gainfully-employed rational adults, the Commission expanded the definition of harassment to include e-mails that "are circulated around the office" but are not directed at the hypersensitive "victim". The same "proximity" bovine excrement scheme is employed when it comes to images on a computer screen. If the "victim" can see it and it catapults her into a sexual harassment victim frenzy, the horndog who displayed the image is toast! For those who obsess on the gory details, here is the relevant prose on this Korrectnik cabal's "advice" on sexual harassment in the workplace:
If you need that translated, we're all over it. If you work in an office with a hypersensitive loon who sees sexual innuendo in a sharpened pencil, be afraid, be very afraid. If something you do, or say, sets off her hair-trigger sexual harassment alarm, your only hope of escaping unscathed involves finding another, equally demented loon of the same ilk who will not be offended by your sharpened pencil, computer display or humorous e-mail. In other words, kiss it goodbye Sparky. GLAAD BAAG Hissy Fit in UK The GLAAD BAAG whiners in a differently-heterosexual cabal named Stonewall have their panties in wad because BBC didn't eviscerate a boom box DJ named Chris Moyles. For those who obsess on such trivia, the Chris Moyles utterance that gave GAAD BAAGs a boo-boo is "gay". That's right "gay". The infamous utterance hit the airwaves when someone played a cell phone ring tone that didn't thrill Chris spitless. After hearing the damn thing Chris opined, "I don't want that one, it's gay." We're shocked, shocked I tell you that such insensitive prose goes unpunished. Ok, that's a crock. We're not shocked, but we are more than a tad annoyed that some hypersensitive pinhead wants to punish a dude for calling a ring tone "gay". For those who care, here's how the terminally Korrect BBC handled this pink triangle shaped hot potato:
BBC felt the need to appease everyone by noting that while Chris Moyles wasn't, intentionally or unintentionally, trying to piss off GLAAD BAAGs it would be a good idea if, in future, everyone gave hot button words like "gay" serious thought before using them. They went on to do some hand-wringing about causing "unintended offense". Blah, blah, blah, sums it up nicely. These BBC pinheads need to get real about self-defined "victims". When a "victim" is determined to be offended, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. All things considered the only suitable response a rational adult can give to someone as hypersensitive as these Stonewall whiners is the all weather, all purpose "Bite me". A NO NAD Stunner The last time we checked, major NO NAD mamas like Catherine MacKinnon were excoriating porn and equating it to terrorism. Fast forward to June 2006 and some Canadian NO NADs are getting ready to celebrate the first - we swear this is true - Feminist Porn Awards in Ottawa. Don't worry about that primal scream you just heard emanating from Ann Arbor (Michigan) that's just Catherine MacKinnon accepting this breaking news with her usual grace and dignity. We know that some of you - and we know who you are - want all the spiffy details on these awards. Shame on you for asking, horndog Sparky, but we'll give you the basics, anyway:
For now, the Feminist Porn Awards are restricted to North America, but Ms. Gallant dreams of bigger and better things, if Catherine MacKinnon doesn't eviscerate her, first. MAY 2006
All Dressed Up Source: AP [05/24/06] The 18 year old had everything locked and loaded for a spiffy prom night. Hair weave? Check. Fuschia colored gown? Check. Makeup expertly applied? Check. $85 prom ticket? Check? Everything it seemed was perfect, but the gala evening careened into Zero Tolerance Hell when our gowned and groomed prom attendee was refused admission. Why, you ask, was this glorious evening cut short? The answer to that is simple, the gowned and groomed prom attendee is (technically) a dude named Kevin Logan. That thrilling fact made school officials at Gary's (Indiana) West Side High black flag Kevin's cross dressing exploits:
Veteran PIGsters shouldn't be shocked, dismayed or alarmed to hear that Kevin enlisted the ACLU's assistance while heshe decides if suing the pantyhose off the school is an idea whose time has come. Judge Torpedoes Peach State's Same Sex Marriage Ban Fulton County Superior Court Judge Constance C. Russell thrilled GLAAD BAAGs this week with a ruling that nukes Georgia's same sex marriage ban. Judge Russell's ruling is based on a law that limits ballot initiatives to a single subject. She goes on to note that the legal status of same sex relationships and same sex marriage are, in fact, two separate subjects. She insists that the state voters must first decide if same sex relationships have any legal status. Thereafter, she opines, the state's voters can be asked to decide wether same-sex marriages should be black flagged. For those who insist on all the gruesome details, here are the money quotes from Judge Russell's ruling:
Georgia's governor, Sonny Perdue is, as expected, far from amused by this decision. We'll spare you his "judicial activism" tantrum and simply report that an appeal is under serious consideration. She's not Deaf Enough Gallaudet University is in turmoil, because the faculty and students of America's only liberal arts college for the deaf think that Jane K. Fernandes, although deaf, isn't "deaf enough" to lead the university. Her hearing - or the lack thereof - wasn't a problem when the board of trustees voted for her. What's the problem with Jane? Jane Fernandes shares the following insights into the "ideal deaf person":
How does she match up with this ideal? Close but no cigar. Born deaf? Yup. Learns American Sign Language at home? Nope, she grew up speaking, and didn't learn ASL until she was 23. Married to a deaf person? Nope. Has deaf children? Nope. Scandalous, a deaf woman who dared to have children who can hear, fathered by a man who can hear? How can she stand herself? Wallowing in their victimhood, the students and faculty at Gallaudet University are taking their irrational, knee-jerk Korrectness to the heart of the Twilight Zone. The "ideal deaf person"! Despite our vaunted, oft-demonstrated imagination, we never saw that one coming. Learn something new every day. It's Our Turn, Whitey "They've been trying to target me for years, the attorney general and all them, because we're so successful. Hey, if you're a failure, nobody will mess with you. But we're successful in east Mississippi." (Ike Brown) Ike Brown, the fearless leader of Mississippi's Donkey Clan cabal in Noxubee County landed in the U.S. Justice Department doghouse for violating the Voting Rights Act. According to the Justice Department, Mr. Brown '...waged a campaign to defeat [voters and candidates of a certain race] with tactics such as intimidation and coercion' (AP). A local minion, Circuit Clerk Carl Mickens, shares Ike's fate for rejecting the absentee ballots of the targeted race as fatally flawed while accepting similar ballots from the county's dominant (numerically) race. We know this sounds like business as usual in Mississippi, but things are not exactly the way they seem. Ike Brown is melanin enriched, and so is the majority population in Noxubee County. The racial minority being aced out of the electoral process is whitey. Cynical bastards that we are, PIG News doesn't see the Justice Department trying to nail a brother for discriminating against whitey. The likelihood reaches 'snowball's chance in hell' status when you consider one overriding fact: it's an election year. It's never going to happen. APRIL 2006
MIT's Race Card Adventure Source: Boston Globe [04/28/06] Two MIT Eggheads - Pulitzer Prize winning history professor John Dower and, professor of linguistics, foreign languages and literatures, Shigeru Miyagawa - did a header into campus Korrectness when they posted some material on the "Visualizing Cultures" course website. The caterwauling reached critical mass the instant the whiners in 'The MIT Chinese Student and Scholars Association' saw a certain picture in the course's site:
The race card worked like gang-busters and before you could say "chop sticks", MIT pulled down the course web site and then groveled for these Chinese race card wranglers by saying that they "deeply regret that a section of this website had caused distress and pain to members of the Chinese community." Blah, blah, blah. The bottom line at MIT is seems to be: it the truth - A.K.A. historical fact - gives some properly-hyphenated pinhead a boo-boo, then that truth must be expunged from the historical record. That laughter you hear is coming from George Orwell's grave. OSU-Mansfield Update Dedicated PIG News readers will remember the epic about an OSU-Mansfield librarian named Scott Savage who strayed into OSU-Mansfield's Korrectnik radar when he dared to point students at such subversive tomes as "The Marketing of Evil" by David Kupelian, "The Professors" by David Horowitz, "Eurabia: The Euro-Arab Axis" by Bat Ye’or, and "It Takes a Family" by Sen. Rick Santorum. As PIG News reported, three differently-heterosexual professors filed complaints against Scott, insisting that his blatant discrimination and harassment made them feel "unsafe". The following whine from one of these cowering GLAAD BAAGs tells you all you need to know about this case:
Last week, we told you that the faculty supported this Korrectnik atrocity by a unanimous vote. While it's true that the vote was 21-0, it did not represent the entire faculty. We're now able to tell you that 9 gutless punks on the faculty were afraid to stand up to the Ivory Tower's GLAAD BAAG whiners, so they abstained, allowing Scott Savage to be vilified, victimized and otherwise abused. That's gutless on an epic scale, but par for the course for America's culturally-Marxist Ivory Towers. The Buckeye State Panty-Twister An OSU-Mansfield librarian named Scott Savage strayed into OSU-Mansfield's Korrectnik radar when he dared to point students at such subversive tomes as "The Marketing of Evil" by David Kupelian, "The Professors" by David Horowitz, "Eurabia: The Euro-Arab Axis" by Bat Ye’or, and "It Takes a Family" by Sen. Rick Santorum. According to several news reports, three differently-heterosexual professors filed complaints against Scott, insisting that his blatant discrimination and harassment made them feel "unsafe". The following whine from one of these cowering GLAAD BAAGs tells you all you need to know about this case:
A short time later, egged on by these three cringing Eggheads, the entire faculty voted, unanimously, to file charges against Scott Savage. Scott's cardinal sins are twofold: he's a Cross Cultist; he's a conservative. A Christian conservative at OSU? We're shocked, shocked, I tell you and so are the Eggheads won't tolerate such unsavory influences in their outpost of Cultural Marxism. Update: We're pleased to report that the besieged librarian, Scott Savage, has already 'filed a complaint against the three professors for false accusations of harassment'. Furthermore, he's thisclose to taking the school, and these GLAAD BAAG whiners to court. Give them hell, Scott. There's one last thing you need to know about Scott that puts this story in it's proper perspective. Scott is a pious Quaker who rides a horse and buggy to work. PIG News finds it virtually impossible to see Scott as a threat to any-damn-body. Victimhood With A French Accent Surrender Monkey NONADs - they call themselves Les Chiennes de Garde (the Guard Dogs) - have their knickers in a knot over the word "Mademoiselle" (Surrender Monkey for "Miss"). Fronted by a political hackette named Segolene Royal, these cheese-eating NONADS demand that the term be abolished because it "perpetuates the submission to macho values". Furthermore, they whine piteously, it forces a Surrender Monkey wench to divulge her martial status. Holy patriarchy, Batman! Since the offending word denotes a wench's sexual availability, these Surrender Monkey dogs demand that all women, regardless of marital status, be addressed as "madame". Will this French-accented bovine excrement pass muster with the Surrender Monkey's language cabal, the Academie Francaise? We doubt it, but it can't hurt to ask. Afterthought Tiger Gets Blind-Sided By Korrectniks Tiger Woods strayed into the Korrectnik bull's-eye after his golf exploits during the recent Masters Tournament were far below his usual level of expertise. Refusing to make excuses, he thrilled the Brit Korrectniks in Scope with these well-chosen words: "I putted atrociously today. Once I got to the greens, I was a spaz." Although his comments didn't elicit a single raised eyebrow here in the USA, it generated a howl of protest from Scope (formerly known as The Spastics Society), on behalf of the differently-abled. "Spaz", a term we Yanks use, routinely, to denote a clumsy or inept individual, is banned in the U.K. The Scope whiners know that we Yanks have a different meaning for the word, but they complained anyway. We don't blame Tiger for issuing an apology, because we, like Tiger, know it's the only way to make theses Scope whiners shut the hell up. We do blame these caterwauling Scope pinheads for turning a self-deprecating remark into an international korrectnik incident. Attention Scope scumbags: If Tiger Woods saying "spaz" is as bad as it gets in your postal code of the Twilight Zone, life is good, so shut your pie holes and get on with it. An Atypical Sexual Harassment Epic Sexual harassment epics stopped being PIG-worthy a long time ago, until this epic landed in our laps. On the surface, it sounds like business as usual: a female subordinate, Minneapolis Fire Department Captain Kristina Lemon, accuses her boss, Minneapolis Fire Department Chief Bleskachek, with "bed me or I'll make your life miserable" sexual harassment". This story is elevated to the coveted "PIG-worthy" status for one spiffy reason. Fire Chief Bonnie Bleskachek is a woman who lives her life out in the open as a lesbian. In fact, at the time the alleged harassment occurred, Chief Bleskachek was dating another of her subordinates, Captain Jennifer Cornell. According to Captain Lemon, the Chief was blatant about her burning desire to add Captain Lemon to her fire house harem. That's why Captain Lemon is suing the city and some of its minions for "employment discrimination, sexual harassment and retaliation. If that's not enough to ruin Chief Bleskachek's day, she's facing two other lawsuits for such spiffy feats as "dating members of her staff and interfering with department operations". Captain Lemon's suit includes the following prose :
In addition to Captain Lemon, this hornier than hell Fire Chief wench is also being sued by her former squeeze, Captain Jennifer Cornell and a third subordinate, Captain Kathleen Mullen. We thought that the NO-NADs promised this kind of crap wouldn't happened when we did the "right thing" by putting females in positions of authority. Color us very disillusioned. Afterthoughts: Vict-a-Thon In New Orleans Speaking in front of the New Orleans convention center, Bill Cosby chastised the city's enthnocrats for blaming the city's Melanin-Enriched related ills on a Mother Nature temper tantrum named Katrina. Mr. Cosby pointed out some inconvenient facts about certain conditions that existed before the storm renovated the city in the hole by the sea:
At the same gathering, pointedly ignoring Bill Cosby's reality check, Je$$e Jack$on and Al Sharpton whined that 'the man' was picking on the city's widely-dispersed Melanin-Enriched population. The smoking gun, according to Je$$e, is the 'man's' insistence on holding the mayoral election in April, without setting up out-of-state polling places. We know what you're thinking, voter fraud Sparky, but we forgive you, because the same notion occurred to us. Will Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin retain his assigned place in city hall, or will those dastardly oppressors steal his ticket to the taxpayer funded gravy train? Ray is, unquestionably, a congenital moron, but we're not convinced that he can be ousted by something as puny as a force 5 hurricane. MARCH 2006
Banning The Bunny Source: PIG News Wire [03/28/06] Blissfully ignorant of the Easter Bunny's pagan roots, a St. Paul (Minnesota) bureaucrat, human rights director Tyrone Terrill, yanked this holiday icon from a City Hall Easter display, because it might offend non-Christians. In a heartbeat Tyrone became a target of derision and outrage from rational, Easter Bunny venerating adults. After taking a well-deserved public relations beating, Tyrone changed his tune, put the Easter Bunny on City Hall probation and claimed his real beef was with the sign that read "Happy Easter". That's equally asinine, because the word "Easter" has pagan roots too. The word "Easter" is a bastardization of "Ostara", the name of the pagan goddess at the root of this spring holiday. Before everyone goes Kool-Aid club bonkers and runs off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:
"Easter", the bunny and the eggs are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. For going Korrentnik bonkers over something as harmless as the Easter Bunny...for refusing to pull his head out of his butt and let children of all ages have a good time...for displaying shocking ignorance of pagan origins of "Easter" and the "Easter Bunny", Tyrone Terrill is on the fast track to becoming the poster punk for Bureaucratic Boneheads. Brokeback Bonkers in Vermont Having nothing better to do, a small - but growing - group of Vermont lefties are passing around a petition that would prod the state into renaming one of the Green Mountain State's molehills "Brokeback Mountain". The movement hopes to capitalize on the popularity of the film with Vermont denizens. According to our news sources, Vermont theaters showing the film were sold out for weeks. Does that mean the state that passed the first edict granting equal rights to the differently-heterosexual will rename a molehill after this GLAAD BAAG themed flick? Maybe. For those who obsess on such trivia, here's how the effort is described on the web site promoting it: "Since Vermont is the coolest state, full of open-minded people, why shouldn't we have our own Brokeback Mountain?" When asked about the issue, Vermont's governor, Jim Douglas, let his spokesdolt reply, "We're completely neutral about the idea." In other words, he's going to wait until he knows which way the political winds are blowing on this rename the molehill caper. Can't We All Just Get Along? Alarmed over the increasing tensions between Dutch GLAAD BAAGs and certain differently-tolerant Mecca Maniac immigrants, a "Dutch multicultural group" decided to stage a soccer tournament between the two rival groups. The notion is to bring leery GLAAD BAAGs together with the 'youths from Moroccan and Turkish backgrounds' who make life thrilling for the differently-heterosexual. Is kicking a ball better then kicking a GLAAD BAAG? Yup. Does the Institute for Multicultural Development have a snowball's chance in hell of yanking these homophobic Mecca Maniacs out of the 7th century and into the 21st. Only in your dreams, "can't we all just get along" Sparky. GLAAD BAAGs Bummed Over St. Patrick's Parade If you're a Big Apple denizen, be advised that it's a crappy idea to invite John Dunleavy and City Council Speaker Christine Quinn to the same party. Chairman of the Big Apple's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade, John didn't pull any punches when he told the Irish Times why the differently-heterosexual weren't invited to march in this year's parade. Fair warning, John gets thrillingly inkorrect:
In addition to being of "Irish descent", Christine is also the 'City Council's first openly gay leader', so you don't need Nostradamus to predict that she went postal over John's highly publicized prose. Although she's widely reported to have "blasted" John for his compelling inkorrectness, she refuses to go on the record with a publishable response. That's a damn shame because PIG News loves it when Korrectniks go into whine mode. Be a sport, Christine, make our day. Illinois Governor Steps In It Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has bigger problems than a name that's hard to pronounce and a misery for this spelling-challenged pagan scribbler. His travails started last August when he appointed a melanin-enriched dolly named Sister Claudette Marie Muhammad to the state's hate crimes panel, but the issue didn't reach critical mass until much later. The fun got rolling in earnest when a News Nitwit challenged Governor Rod for appointing a one of Louis Farrakhan's Nation of Islam officials to a state hate crimes panel. If Governor Rod can be believed - his long record as being clueless works in his favor - he had no idea that Sister Claudette was one of Louis's home girls. He knows now, but he's got himself in a bit of a pickle because he's Donkey Clan and melanin-enriched voters might not take it kindly if he dumped Sister Claudette. Making this matter that much stickier, three Torah True Believer members of the hate crimes panel resigned this week, protesting Sister Claudette's continued presence on the panel. Unwilling to miss the fun, Jewish lawmakers, GLAAD BAAG lawmakers and Elephant Clan lawmakers are demanding that Governor Rod dump Sister Claudette like a bad habit. At press time Governor Rod is hanging tough, after what had to be a comprehensive test of the political winds. Leaving nothing to chance, he tried to calm the troubled political waters with this prose: "I strongly disagree with the things Minister Farrakhan said. They're wrong and hateful and they're harmful. I also oppose guilt by association. Ms. Muhammad didn't say those things." Nice footwork dude. We'll know how well it worked when all those room temperature Windy City voters disinter themselves to punch a chad during the forthcoming election cycle. FEBRUARY 2006
Yahoo Goes Korrectnik Bonkers Source: PIG News Wire [02/23/06] When Yahoo user Ed Callahan tried to sign up for a Yahoo e-mail account for his mother using the family's last name, he got a rude shock. Yahoo rejected the e-mail moniker because it contains "allah". Curious, to say the least, Ed tried other religious-related terms and they all passed muster, but his last name - any name containing "allah" - got nuked. This puts a whole new spin on "Islamaphobia". Exhibiting a combination of abject terror and Korrectness on steroids, Yahoo, like too many infidels, goes to great lengths to avoid getting a "religion of peace" bull's-eye painted on them by violence-prone, rampaging, Mecca Maniac Jihadikazes. The good news is that, thanks to the deluge of derision heaped on them by rational adults, Yahoo's suits changed the policy. That's all well and good, but these Korrectnik pinheads deserve a bitch-slapping for imposing the policy in the first place. Hate Crime Data According to just released Justice Department data, you're poised to grab that hate crime victim brass ring if you answer "you bet" to one or more of the following questions:
Based on Justice Department data, 9 out of every 10,000 whites score a hate crime victim bingo. That's tied with "Hispanics" and higher than the melanin-enriched who trail with 7 out of every 10,000 on this hate crime victim scorecard. Does any of this data rock our world? Not really, but we'll be very interested to see how this news is received by America's Enthnocrats. Since their whole existence is built upon their victimhood, it's not going to thrill them spitless. Knee-Jerk Korrectness at UNH For more than a decade, the University of New Hampshire used a 1970's vintage rock song - "Black Betty" by a defunct band called Ram Bam - to get their hockey fans revved up. Those days ended this week when UNH athletic director, Marty Scarano, black flagged the song because it's "theoretically racist". Call us names if you must, because nobody here at PIG News has a damn clue about "theoretical racism". For those answers - and other relevant info - you need to contact the NAACP because they're the ones who declared the Ram Jam version "offensive to black women" three decades ago. If you need a taste of this "theoretical racism", this is the best we can do, for now:
"Na-na-na-na"! "Bam-ba-lam"! "Black Betty"!!!!! We're shocked, shocked, I tell you. It's enough to make your properly-hyphenated blood boil. Afterthoughts Stop Saying That! When the Saint Mary's college hoops team arrived at Gonzaga for a game, some rabid Gonzaga boosters - the legendary Kennel Club - greeted them with a special cheer that thrilled Gonzaga korrectniks spitless. For reasons AP's alleged journalists didn't share, these Gonzaga boosters kept yelling "Brokeback Mountain" at one or more of the Saint Mary's players. Harmless Ivory Tower fun? Not on your life, Korrectnik bonkers Sparky:
If "Brokeback Mountain" is as bad as it gets, life is good and these Great Northwest Nitwit whiners need to stop their caterwauling and get on with it. Whale Ho! In Nadine Thompson's fevered, Ethnocrat brain, the whole deplorable incident happened because she's Melanin-Enriched. A rational adult might surmise that Southwest Airline's singled out Nadine for special wide load treatment because Nadine is a svelt 5-8 and tips the truck scales at a puny 300 to 330 pounds. Apparently "rational" is the last descriptor anyone would pin on Nadine. The fun started after Nadine boarded the plane and just began to settle in for her trip to Chicago. Sizing up the situation, a Southwest Airlines employee ordered her to deplane. When she arrived at the gate, she was informed that, for her "comfort and safety" she needed to pay for a second seat. According to Nadine, her demands for an explanation were never answered. What's to explain? You're fat and it's Southwest Airlines...do the math Nadine. As fun as this is it gets better:
Nadine needs to invest in a mirror, preferably a big one, because she's so dense - pun attempted deliberately - that she can't add "Southwest Airlines" plus "5-8, 330 pounds" and come up with "Whale Ho!" Update: Trouble In Hybrid Ride Paradise Believe it or not, some pinheads are already whining about those new hybrid rides. The usual suspects are thrilled spitless that these hybrid rides are Mother Earth friendly, especially since they use less fossil fuels. But, they are just a tad worried because - we are not making this up - your Prius class hybrid is so quiet they pose a clear and present danger to pedestrians. The problem is most pronounced when certain hybrids are operating in "battery power" mode. Why? They're so quiet that some intellectual flatliner who is partially or completely detached from reality might accidently get run over. What to do?
Running too quiet? Put some noise in my ride? This scribbler doesn't have that problem. The infamous paganmobile is functional, economical and paid for, but quiet it ain't. JANUARY 2006
Affirmative Action Takes A Legal Hit In Louisiana Source: PIG News Wire [01/28] The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals did a black-robbed 180, by reversing its own 1980's era ruling that imposed affirmative action hiring on the "racially imbalanced" Shreveport Fire Department. For those who care about such things, here are the justice system Cliff Notes Then
Now
For the record, Shreveport's Fire Department dumped it's color-coded hiring policy before a lower court ruled against the plaintiffs in 2004. Now, they base all their hiring decisions on objective hiring criteria that include: civil service exams, educational background, technical training, plus the candidate's performance on exams that assess their psychological mettle and physical ability. Be that as it may, it's nice to see a court giving the boot to affirmative action hiring. Southern Fried Affirmative Action Raleigh (North Carolina) Ethnocrats are still in a lather because Raleigh's fire and police departments aren't properly-diverse, to 50 decimal points, based on the latest census data. We're shocked, shocked, I tell you. Although the latest racial bean counting shows that there has been dramatic improvement in "minority hiring", Ethnocrats continue to whine about the "shocking" disparity between census figures and the actual racial diversity in the fire and police departments. Try as we might, PIG News can't come up with one damn reason why the race/gender of a cop or fireman matters. When my house is on fire, I don't give a damn about the pedigree of the firemen who come to save my house. I am, on the other hand, very damn concerned that the firemen sent to save my humble abode are the best qualified - per objective fire-fighting standards - individuals that the department could find to perform this vital task. The same non-negotiable - objective - criteria apply when it comes to the police. I'd rather have a racially skewed department that is supremely qualified for the job, than a bunch of properly diverse incompetent clowns who were hired for their immutable traits. Greenville's Breakfast Boycott "Out of all the cities I've ever been in, Greenville is the one that splits Martin Luther King up between two streets. Martin Luther King was not a piece of man. But yet they gave him a piece of street." (Bennie Roundtree, president of North Carolina's Southern Christian Leadership Council) "My personal view is if they were going to honor Dr. King, they shouldn't have stopped the street at the black community," he said. "His living and contributions wasn't just about the black community." (Calvin Henderson, president of Pitt County's NAACP chapter) Tar Heel State Ethnocrats have their panties in a wad because Greenville refuses to rename all of Fifth Street after Martin Luther King, Jr. Although the section of Fifth Street that crosses a largely Melanin-Enriched neighborhood is so named, other sections of this thoroughfare still bear the "Fifth Street" moniker. That, according to the state's Southern Christian Leadership Conference and the Pitt County NAACP, is intolerable. Their panties are so far up their "crack" that they boycotted the annual MLK breakfast. That will show those evil, racist hacks. So there. It takes a very special breed of wingnut to make a Race Card Wrangling mountain out of a street naming molehill. If a street's name is as bad as life gets for these Ethnocrats, they need to stop whining and get on with their lives. A Bold New Race Card Wrangling Concept His career seemed to be going swimmingly for Sgt. Leslie Turner when he was promoted to a prestigious posting as a body guard to members of the royal family in August 2004. Hailed as a "model professional" by his Scotland Yard superiors, Sgt. Turner was shocked when he was inexplicably pulled from his posting in June 2005. Sgt. Turner took this professional setback hard, so he rounded up a Brit shyster and sued Scotland Yard for discrimination. Since Sgt. Turner is Melanin-Enriched, you'd expect him to play the race card, and he did, but not the way you think:
PIG News is forced - screaming and kicking - to admit that Sgt. Turner took race card wrangling to a whole new level. That's the bad news, but, as usual, there's a silver lining: we are delighted that his whining Ethnocrat is a Brit, not a Yank. It's not much, but we'll take it. Playing the Victim Card at Anapolis An oceanography instructor at the Naval Academy did a header into Korrectness when he got a tad too colorful during a lecture. Thanks to his ill-considered prose, Lt. Bryan D. Black became an instant expert on the Naval Academy's sexual harassment policies. As thrilling as that must be, he's probably less than giddy over the fact that the Naval Academy's superintendent, Vice Admiral Rodney P. Rempt, is using Lt. Black as the poster punk for the school's "zero tolerance" sexual harassment policy. The evil deed:
Admiral Rempt's fun-filled sexual harassment solution:
If Ms. Foxton can't handle "crude" remark or two, she should quit the academy and go join her hypersensitive homegirls in some Ivy League womyn's studies department. The military is, inherently, politically incorrect - big damn time - and all the P.C. B.S. in the universe isn't going to change that. The only thing this flavor of the month Korrectness does is to degrade our military readiness. Additional Facts: Lt. Black apologized as soon as he noted Ms. Foxton's reaction and considered the matter closed. Marine Corps Major C.J. Thielemann made the preliminary investigation and concluded that "Lt. Black's actions do not warrant criminal processing". A female Lt. Commander took it upon herself to nail Lt. Black, so she "investigated" and - big shock - concluded that Lt. Black's apology wasn't "sincere enough". Admiral Rempt ignored the investigating officer - Major Thielemann - and ordered a special courts martial for Lt. Black. Major Thielemann gets it. This Lt. Commander wench needs to pull her head out of her butt. Admiral Rempt needs to grow a pair. Rational Adults Question Obesity Study Last month, Tar Heel State Fat Nazis announced, with considerable fanfare, that plus size North Carolinians cost the state $24 billion a year. This week, the rational adults at the Center for Consumer Freedom painted a bull's eye on this southern-fried hot air by questioning the Fat Nazi's methodology and findings. The following items were found on the CCF's Web Site. Items enclosed in quotes are word for word citations from their analysis of the Tar Heel State's Fat Nazi study:
This is our old friend the "Public Burden" argument rearing its ugly head. The only reason that obesity imposes costs on the Nanny State is due to the Nanny State's unwarranted intrusion into the medical care marketplace with its various welfare programs. Inflated or not, the numbers are less important that the fact that the usual 'activist' suspects want to add plus-size Amerikans to the victimhood. DECEMBER 2005
Diversity Comes To Death Row? North Carolina Legicrats are holding hearings to do something about the shocking fact that Melanin-Enriched murderers are over-represented on the state's death row. Melanin-Enriched murderers are 55% of death row denizens but the state's Melanin-Enriched population is only 13%. Contrarily, whitey who is 70% of the state's population is holding down a sorry 35% of the state's death row slots. We're shocked, shocked, I tell you. The smoking gun on this disparity - according to certain hand-wringers - is the fun fact that District Attorney's have the power to decide if a murder merits the death penalty. Other critics think that the scope of death penalty statute should be trimmed. PIG thinks the solution is much simpler. Somebody needs to motivate more of the state's white criminals to commit death penalty quality murders. If they don't want to do it for their own gratification, they can console themselves that it's their patriotic duty to enhance racial harmony in the Tar Heel State by going out and slaughtering somebody. Ford Oils Some Squeaky Wheels Ford Motor Company seems determined to reset the bar - much, much higher - for spineless, whichever way the prevailing political pressure wind blows, cowardice. The fun started earlier this year, when the defenders of public morality - the American Family Association - announced a "boycott Ford" campaign. The fly in the AFA's ointment involved, among other things, Ford's support of certain differently-sexual organizations. That all changed during the waning days of November, with the AFA's stop the presses, announcement that the boycott was over. Curiously - we're sure it was a coincidence - Ford issued a December 5th statement that the company would no longer advertise Jaguar and Land Rover in GLAAD BAAG publications like 'Out' and 'The Advocate'. Happily ever after in family values land? Hardly. Ford's antics stirred up a differently-sexual hornets' nest that prompted no less than 19 GLAAD BAAG cabals to demand a meeting with Ford officials. During the ensuing meeting, these groups demanded that Ford 'reaffirm its commitment to diversity and inclusiveness', to continue donating those greenbacks to GLAAD BAAG organizations, and to resume advertising in the aforementioned publications. Trying to please everybody at once, Ford's Vice President of Corporate Human Resources, Joe W. Laymon, decreed that Ford would resume advertising "all eight of its vehicle lines" in 'Out', 'The Advocate' and similar publications. At the same time - and don't ask me what the hell he means - he declared that the "business decision" to stop advertising Jaguar and Land Rover was still in force. With this level of leadership and resolve, it's small wonder that Ford's profits are in the crapper. They're so busy playing in the public morality arena, they're forgetting to perform their primary job: manufacture and sell rides to willing buyers. You can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that Henry Ford wouldn't be distracted this easily. Henry had his flaws, but lacking a spine damn sure wasn't one of them. Ford is run by panty wearing punks who stopped taking care of "business" to 'oil' the squeakiest bad publicity wheel. They deserve whatever fate metes out, for allowing themselves to be sucked into Amerika's culture war. Maybe if they stopped all this Korrectnik, victimhood crap and got down to business, they could get Ford Motor Company off economic life support. Trademark Panty Twister It took several years, but a venerable lesbian motorcycle group finally persuaded the korrectness-addled U.S. Patent and Trademark office to give the group a Federal trademark on the group's name: Dykes on Bikes. Terrified into a bureaucratic coma by the "D" word - "dykes" - the Korrectnik bureaucrats went girlie and furtive for a few years. That all changed when, in a desperate, last minute effort Dykes on Bikes submitted 'hundreds of pages off additional material that they said showed the slang word does not disparage lesbians' (Chronicle). We know what you're thinking, family values Sparky, but it's time to set aside your attitudes about the differently-sexual and look at the larger, inalienable individual liberty picture. This is still America, Sparky. These motorcycle riding womyn in leather jackets have the right to call themselves any damn thing that thrills the flannel right off their shirts. Call me all the names you want but "Dykes on Bikes" is the spiffiest name I've heard in a very long time. |
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Copyright 1993-2006 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
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