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PIG
NEWS DIGEST
| KULTURE | ENTERTAINMENT | POP TARTS
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DECEMBER 2006
Entertainment News Nuggets
Source: PIG’s Entertainment News Wire [12/22/06] Dixie Twits The Hoff Rises From The Ashes I might be able to cope with The Hoff landing a role in Mel Brook’s play, but there’s more news coming from The Hoff camp. His two teenage daughters have talked him into appearing in one of those demented boob tube reality shows with them. If Hambo’s sources can be trusted, this gem should be locked and loaded sometime in 2007. Air America
An initial investor in the network and former board chairman, Terence F. Kelly, is bummed that deep pocketed libs didn’t pump money into the lefty lip-flapping endeavor:
Terence needs to get real. Libs didn’t win those deep pockets in a Cracker Jacks’ box. Pouring money into an endeavor run by capitalism hating lefties who haven’t got a clue about marketplace forces is a non-starter. That might explain why the original "players" who got Air America off the ground, Sheldon and Anita Drobny decided to start a new liberal lip-flapping boom box network after they tried and failed to buy Air America for a bargain basement price of $2.5 million. Their new endeavor is called Nova M Radio, which they’re convinced is the next big thing in talk radio. Meanwhile back at the ranch, there are persistent rumors that some new liberal money grubber is ready to ride to the rescue. They might want to know that, according to the usual "informed" sources, Al Franken is going to be missing in action when they take over. He’s making serious noises about running for the U.S. Senate. He’s just what we need on Capitol Hill, another flaming liberal gasbag. Mikey Jackson
If money is no object and you have $50 million gathering dust in a kitchen drawer, you might want to tune into this Bravo show and make a play for this pervert’s paradise. Grinch Report Kingston (England) A rational, trash collecting adult is far from thrilled spitless by this Grinch-ish edict:
A Brit tabloid, The Sun, is doing a lot more than write about the Christmas killjoys who infest Jolly Old England. They are fighting back against this Grinch plague with a campaign they call "Kick ‘Em In The Baubles", a quest that is already showing signs of success. Will the Sun find a way to restore the Santa hat tradition for Kingston’s binmen? Perhaps. Public ridicule is a powerful weapon that even works on entrenched nitwits like the Kingston council. London (England)
Henry said it all when he called it "political correctness gone mad". He hit Rev. Tim squarely when he noted:
It appears that Rev. Tim’s Santa ban isn’t wildly popular, because this AFP piece ends with a comment that Rev. Tim plans to meet with Henry and his Lions Club cohorts ‘to discuss the situation’. N-Bomb Triple Header The Story That Refuses to Die
The best explanation I can give is this: Je$$e is pissed off that Gloria "Media Slut" Allred managed to upstage him and bag that all important face time with the News Nitwit horde. Be a man, Je$$e and admit that she out hustled you on this race card adventure. If a boycott is the best you can do, you’re much more pathetic than I anyone realized. Speaking of those DVD sales, we stumbled over some very interesting news on that topic. Thanks to the publicity tidal wave that accompanied Michael Richards’ ubiquitous comedy club meltdown, there’s a renewed interest in the defunct Seinfeld series. Reuters filed this tidbit: DVD sales of the television sitcom Seinfeld were robust, 12th on Amazon.com’s best-seller list on Friday, after actor Michael Richard’s racist rant in a comedy club and his contrite public apologies alongside various black leaders. What’s the old Tinsel Town saying? "I don’t care what you call me as long as you spell my name right?" That seems to be working like gang-busters in this case because the Seinfeld DVD sales took a healthy jump from the moment the News Nitwits started flogging us to death with the ongoing adventures of "Kramer". A Dick-Head Wants to Play
We’ll need to wait and see if his eruption will mobilize Gloria Allred, Je$$e, Sharpton, and Maxine Waters. I don’t know about you, but I’m not up for "N-bomb Apology Tour II". Can’t we solve this like adults and simply stipulate that Andy Dick is an utter and complete dick? Homeboy’s Saturation N-Bombing NOVEMBER 2006
Kulture News Nuggets Trannie Makes Landfall on ‘All My Children’ The idea is to jumpstart the venerable soap with some new storyline notions. The great trannie caper is one of the story enhancements that made the cut. Determined to do it "right", the show’s producers brought in representatives from GLAD and some transgenders to work on certain vital GLAAD BAAG issues: ‘shaping the character, teaching the producers when it is appropriate to call a character "she" even before surgery...’ (AP). "Shaping" the character? I will refrain, with considerable difficulty, from commenting on that one. For this who care, the new trannie character is named "Zarf", and heshe is described as a "flamboyant rock star". "Flamboyant"? I’m not going near that one, either. You’ll need to put those PIGish imaginations to work on that one. It’s a slam dunk that whatever "shape" the "flamboyant" Zarf takes, it’s going to give Brent Bozell heartburn. That tidbit almost makes this fuss tolerable. Pam Divorces Kid Rock
PIG has a timely suggestion for Kid Rock: grow a pair, dude and get over yourself. You can’t be deluded enough to think Pam was "cherry" before you met her. PIG Gets Kultural Target Vs. Disney Unwilling to allow Disney to have its cake and eat it too at Target’s expense, the discount retailer threw down the gauntlet with a threat to yank its in-store promotions for Disney products. Target pulled all the signs touting Disney’s animated film "Cars" plus promos for assorted other house of the mouse goodies. Disney replied with an attention getting "I’ll see your promo ban and raise you a we won’t allow you to sell our ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest’ flick". That’s when Target folded its hand and decided to "discuss" the matter with Disney to find some way to "settle their differences, peacefully". Is this the end of the matter? For now, but retail outlets are far from thrilled spitless that so many studios are offering their flicks for download, online. The studios counter that the online versions are inferior and lack all the extras that are, routinely, crammed into most movie DVDs. Spielberg Is Shocked! This PIG scribbler has a hot flash for Stevie boy: BITE ME YOU CENSORSHIP BONKERS RAT BASTARD. If the goddamn tube bugs you SHUT THE DAMN THING OFF! Newberry College Gives Up Fight "We believe that it is the height of arrogance for the NCAA to presume to speak on behalf of all Native Americans." (Newberry College President Mitchell Zais in a September 2005 letter to the NCAA’s Korrectnik in chief, Executive Director Myles Brand). "Newberry has no intention of changing its nickname. Changing at this time would indicate that we did not truly believe in the validity of our appeal, or that our moral compass was subject to be swayed by the collective opinion of the NCAA Executive Council." (Another Zais letter dated October 2005 after the NCAA shot down the school’s appeal) Fast forward to the present and we’re mad as goddamn hell to report that retired General Mitchell Zais is running up the white flag in his battle with the NCAA. Why? Maybe the school has lost its will to fight. Whatever the case, the Newberry College Indians are ancient history. All things considered, given their refusal to fight this asinine NCAA bull crap, they should change their name to the Newberry College Surrender Monkeys and use those white flags as their new school emblem. If you think the NCAA is going to be satisfied when all the Siberian-American nicknames are gone, guess again. How long will it take for PETA to hound this Myles Brand asshat into banning all critter names because, Beavers, Badgers, Wolverines, Owls, Hawks, Lions, Tigers, Cougars, Huskies, Gophers, Bruins, Ducks, Cardinals and Banana Slugs have feelings too? An Iranian Sex Tape Scandal? Zara Emir Ebrahimi is a mega popular 25-year-old actress whose claim to Iranian media fame involves ‘playing a morally upstanding young woman’ on a top-rated Iranian soap opera. Actually, that was the case, until her former boyfriend posted a 20-minute sex tape staring Zara getting eagerly horizontal and squishy with her former beau. In a heartbeat, the tape was the hottest download in Iran, and Zara’s career was over. Nobody’s fool, the ex-boyfriend made himself scarce and scurried of to nearby Dubai where the Iranian authorities can’t get at him. Given the primeval nature of Iranian "alleged" justice, Zara might want to emulate the scumbag she once called "boyfriend" and get the hell out of Dodge before those mild-mannered Mullahs think of some grotesque way of offing her, publically, of course. Another Dose of Brit Korrectness England’s Fat Nazi’s are poised to strike a massive blow against besieged Brit capitalists. If all goes according to plan, a brit bureaucracy called Ofcom will impose, at minimum, Draconian restrictions on junk food ads on the boob tube. At most, such ads would be banished completely. For all those fun facts, I’ll let the Daily Mail do the heavy lifting:
If the Fat Nazis get their way, its effect would be far reaching. Since the boob tube’s profitability is derived from paid advertising, how are these Brit broadcasters going to replace the mega bucks shelled out by these deep pocketed "junk food" advertisers? Also, if the ad ban results in a loss of revenue for purveyors of snack food, fast food, and cereal makers, who is going to pay the bills for all those Brits who are put out of work? Finally, what happens at the 2012 London Olympic games where Coca-Cola and McDonald’s hold long-term, multimillion pound contracts with the International Olympic Committee? The fallout from this Ofcom decision will be massive and it’s going to nail the British economy big damn time. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that to register with the Brit Fat Nazis because these capitalism hating asshats don’t give a damn. They’re doing it for the children, including the children whose parents will become unemployed due to this insanity. The Truth Set Him "Free" A Bay State radio host - WRKO-AM’s John DePetro - got fired this week for getting too real. His unscheduled detour into unemployment happened when he got annoyed by some of the participants in the gubernatorial debate. Tired of Green Party candidate, Grace Ross’s, incessant yammering, he said it. "It" elicited this response from the V.P. of AM programming and operations for the station’s owners:
And what, you ask did John say that was so dastardly? Referring to openly GLAAD BAAG Grace Ross, John fervently wished that someone would "tell the fat lesbian to shut up". "Fat lesbian"? We are shocked, shocked, I tell you. We’re shocked that a boom box station in a major American city like Boston can be that goddamn Korrectnik. The fact is that Ross herself is very open about being a lesbian. As for being fat, look at her picture (on PIG Prattle) and decide for yourself. Here’s John DePetro’s take on what he said and why:
Grace Ross whined:
John DePetro was already on borrowed time with the station, after he got spanked this summer for "using a slur often aimed at homosexuals" when talking about the former head of the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority, Matt Amorello. PIG suspects that station management wanted John gone and this "fat lesbian" outburst gave them a perfect excuse. Is it just us, or does the phrase "the truth shall set you free" take on a whole new meaning when it’s applied to this Boston boom box blight on the "public" airwaves? More "Gamer" Heartburn The company that thrilled the usual "think of the children" suspects with their mega popular "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" - Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. - is up to its old tricks. Looking for a repeat of the $1.5 billion dollar success they had with their "Grand Theft Auto" series, Take-Two has a new game that’s destined to thrill parents in general and the TFV (Traditional Family Values) crowd in particular. The new game is called "Bully":
Determined to avoid the expensive mistake they made with "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas", Take-Two bit the proverbial projectile and announced the new game’s sexual hijinks from the onset. Despite the best efforts of the TFV crowd and the usual "anti-violence activists", Take-Two weathered the storm of protest and started reaping the rewards for all that free publicity. Will history repeat itself with another enriching game sales windfall? We haven’t got a clue, but don’t bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor against it. OCTOBER 2006
University of North Dakota Fights NCAA Source: USCHO Site When the NCAA painted a korrectnik bull’s-eye on the University of North Dakota for its "Fighting Sioux" nickname and mascot, the suits at UND didn’t roll over and play dead. They enlisted help from the state’s Attorney General Wayne Stenehjem and the State Board of Higher Education. As a result UND and their muscle are taking the NCAA to court:
According to state officials, UND got approval to use the "Fighting Sioux" nickname from the Spirit Lake Sioux tribe. Furthermore, the UND side insists that the NCAA dispute settling process is "a sham". PIG is solidly in the "Fighting Sioux" corner on this one, because we’ve had it with these NCAA korrectniks and their asinine Siberian-American coddling drivel. Kulture Rants Spoon Bender Wanted
Uri is being stingy with certain details. He’s refusing to disclose what "powers" the contestants claim to have. He’s also refusing to hand out the names of the judges. PIG is willing to bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that the one man who deserves to be on the judging panel - The Magnificent Randi, exposer of phoney psychics - didn’t make the judging panel cut. Why? It was Randi who proved that Uri is a fraud in front of a nationwide 'Tonight Show' television audience, decades ago when Uri’s career was at its pinnacle. Put Randi on the show, Uri, and we can guarantee world record ratings gold. CNN VH1 False Pretenses A New Lib Radio Network We’ll all know that it’s time to stick a fork in Air America, when Al Frankenstein appears, hat in hand, in Nova M Radio’s employment office. If all else fails, Al can pull the trigger on his threat to run for the U.S. Senate in Minnesota. Would they vote for him? Why not? They voted for Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Let the games begin. Kulture Tidbits Asinine Artistic Antics A BBC piece shares these tidbits about Ian Thorley’s allegedly artistic endeavor that he called "Utilitarian Utopia":
The only thing "thought provoking" about Ian and his antics is why Brit taxpayers are being forced to finance this bovine excrement. As far as we can tell, "performance art" involves paying to watch some moron make an utter and complete ass of himself in public. I can get that for free, every time I watch our Elected Tormentors in action on C-SPAN. Air America Is Busted According to one news item, Air America lost $9.1 million in 2004, $19.6 million in 2005 and $13.1 million so far in 2006. Why hasn’t the Darth Vader of liberal politics - George Soros - come to the rescue? Come on, George, it’s only money and you’ve got more than enough to keep Air America afloat. How crappy must Air America be when a lefty like Darth Soros wants no part of it? Nodding Hoff From our "what has The Hoff done this time" desk, we bring you The Hoff’s newest pitstop on his race to oblivion. The Hoff made a big impression on Brit boob tube viewers the other night. Promoting his latest assault on your ears - a ditty called "Jump in My Car" - the Hoff began his stint in the guest chair by trying charm the hostess hottie out of her knickers. When he struck out spectacularly, he revved things up with a "hip thrusting dance routine to his new song", a ploy that didn’t win the Hoff any points with the hottie. Unable to take her blatant "give it a rest, has-been" hint, the Hoff reached for the brass ring of guestology. How? He fell asleep during the break. That’s the way to impress her, Hoff. The smart money opines that The Hoff was gunned to the gills on adult beverage, but the show’s producers insist "There was no smell of alcohol." The good news for The Hoff is this: if he wanted to make a lasting impression on all concerned, he passed "GO" big damn time. It would be tempting to issue a non-negotiable "just go the hell away, dude" to this clown, but we can’t. Okay, we confess it: watching The Hoff self-destruct in front of the whole world is just too damn fun to ignore. We look forward to the next thrilling Hoff adventure on his richly-deserved plunge into "what ever happened to" obscurity. SEPTEMBER 2006
Islamikaze Threats Close Opera Source: PIG’s Girlieman of the Week [09/29/06] A 225 year old Mozart opera named "Idomeneo" did a header into 21st century hypersensitivity this week, when a leading German opera house canceled the 3-year production. If you're smelling the Islamikaze's "hecklers' veto" at work, give yourself a cookie. The scene that put Islamikaze towels in a twist is a spiffy one, to say the least:
In other words, some religion of peace pinheads issued death threats and, given their track record of murder and mayhem, inalienable liberty (free speech) beat a hasty retreat. That pleased the usual Islamikaze apologists who are, as usual, utterly unconcerned with their Mecca Maniac homeboys' moronic, violence-laced rampages. It did not, however thrill Germany's rational adults:
Herr Neumann nailed it when he mentioned "self-censorship". The instant you start giving violence prone, rampaging Islamikaze asshats veto power over what you can do and say, you’re surrendering your inalienable liberty without a fight. The American euphemism for this is "the heckler’s veto", a very polite term that denotes coerced compliance through threats of violence. Who knew that this loathsome concept made landfall in the Fatherland? It sucks and that’s a fact. Update: The latest blithering from the punks running Deutsche Oper is utterly predictable and far from amusing. Utterly unthrilled with the richly-deserved pummeling Deutsche Oper is getting from rational adults inside and outside Germany, a spokesdolt tried to put out the firestorm with some well chosen weasel words: "If there was a new security plan, we could consider [restaging the production]." This sounds like a load of bovine excrement to this pagan. All this punk is trying to do is make the bad publicity go away, period. Names in The News Mikey Jackson
Mikey sets up a theme park that’s guaranteed to be a kid magnet? What could possibly go wrong? Oprah Oprah’s aimed her shysters at Patrick with a non-negotiable "knock that crap off, dude" message. Why? If you’re thinking that the queen of daytime boob tube fare has the clarity to question her qualifications for the Oval Office job, guess again. She has her panties in a wad over Patrick’s antics because he might give Oprah’s reputation a boo-boo. Okay...Okay! Her shyster said "damage and irreparable injury", but we all know that’s legalese for boo-boo. Sean Penn Too Real For Prime Time? A 29-year-old Big Apple denizen named Sarah DiMuro has a problem that’s reaching critical mass. Fear not, PIGsters, Sarah has a plan for resolving this pesky issue on a boob tube near you. Her problem? Sarah is still a virgin and she’s determined to change that fun fact before her 30th birthday...on her own reality show. That’s right, PIGsters, Sarah wants her cherry popped on the small screen. Big, big fun. So far she has run this idea up the flagpole with ‘several television networks’ and has received sponsorship from "Jane", an American women’s magazine. Nobody has saluted the idea, yet, but Sarah is very determined. You’ll, no doubt, be stunned to hear that Sarah’s quest for an on the air deflowering has not thrilled the panties off the NO NADs, and the TFV (traditional family values) crowd isn’t ecstatic either. Cynical bastards that we are, we’re far from convinced by The Sunday Times’ claim that Sarah isn’t a dog: ‘a slim blonde who at first sight seems unlikely to have preserved her chastity into her 30th year’. There’s something else here...there’s got to be a compelling reason why Sarah ‘never kissed a boy until she was 23...’. Strict Catholic upbringing? Attended an all-female university? Lives in a women-only residence? Some of the biggest bimbos I’ve encountered fulfilled all three of these Sarah-specific requirements. Will Sarah fulfill her quest and achieve reality show infamy at the same time? It’s too soon to tell, but stranger things have happened. A Close Clintonista Encounter I inadvertently strayed into CNN’s region of the Twilight Zone today, arriving just in time to see alleged journalist Wolf Blither tossing softball questions at Clintonista Sandy Berger. The topic, as expected, was the ABC 9/11 "special" that is giving Bubba and his minions heartburn. Despite the fact that - quite likely - neither of these pinheads has seen ABC’s 9/11 docudrama, they certainly had a lot of opinions to spew about it. Since this was CNN and not a real news outlet, Wolf was eagerly lapping up all the slop that Sandy spewed about Bubba’s grim resolve to track down then capture or kill Osama. Yeah, right. Now tell me the one about that cheap wench, the Tooth Fairy. Sandy was appropriately outraged over the shocking inaccuracies contained in the contested boob tube show. Very compelling, until you remind yourself that this "forthright, upstanding, honest to the core" Sandy is the same clown who was caught stealing - and reportedly destroying - the only copies of certain "too real for comfort" documents detailing certain terrorism related antics perpetrated by Bubba and his homeboys. If Sandy has nothing to hide, why is he in a lather about this ABC show? If Sandy - and Bubba - have nothing to hide about their terrorism fighting antics, why did Sandy steal, then make these tattletale documents vanish? The usual suspects - on both ends of the political spectrum - frantically spinning this forthcoming ABC docudrama to suit their own political ends. The VRWC says the program is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The Demoncrats are having a hissy fit over this "blatant right-wing attempt to sully Bubba’s presidential legacy". The truth lies somewhere in between, but that’s not the real issue, now. The $64,000 Question is what, if anything, ABC will do with theprogram. Just What I Never Wanted The fun started a year ago when 32 attorney’s general sent a letter to various movie studios "urging" them to add Smoke Nazi public service announcements to DVDs and videos intended for home viewing. Citing a 2005 ‘study’, these law wranglers are suitably alarmed over findings by the Dartmouth Medical School that 38 out of 100 young smokers said they tried it after being "exposed" to smoking in a movie. Bold new concept. Annoyed, and then some, over the resounding silence that followed last year’s plea, attorneys general from 35 states are running the idea up the flagpole again. This year, they are offering to give movie studios free use of 3 PSAs bearing these compelling titles: "Body Bags", "1200" and our pick for spiffy PSA titles, "Shards O Glass". Unwilling to engage Smoke Nazis directly, studios refer the calls to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America). An MPAA spokeshole promised to respond in a "timely manner" then mouthed appropriate prose about recognizing the health implications of smoking. "Blah, blah, blah, now go away" seems to sum up the MPAA’s response. So be it. The last damn thing I want or need is more crap loaded onto the front end of the new movie DVD I buy for home viewing. Enough is enough! AUGUST 2006
Decency Jihad Triple Play Source: PIG News Wire [08/31/06] Utah The most telling tidbit in this Salt Lake Tribune story involves a PTC Decency Jihadikaze named Andrea Gritton, a "homemaker" who sent a letter to the FCC. "Gritton was moved to send the letter after she heard from national PTC members about this episode. She said she has not seen the segment in question." (Emphasis added.) Thanks to this mind-numbed Decency Jihad robot, the right not to be offended is alive and well in Utah. City of Angels According to Fuhrer Brent, it happened during the 9:30 (Central and Mountain Time) hour when actresses Helen Mirren and Calista Flockhart "used vulgar and obscene words" during the broadcast. We hear those wheels turning horndoy Sparky and we suggest you get your mind out of the gutter. The words in question - "tits and ass" - aren’t that salacious. For those who love this stuff, here is Fuhrer Brent’s tits and ass tantrum as posted in a PTC whine, uh, news release:
Fuhrer Brent is now, officially "offended". Therefore, the order has gone out to all his Decency Jihadikazes ordering them to be "offended" too. Thus sayeth Fuhrer Brent, "Write thee a letter to the FCC and complaineth about the Emmy show. Be not afraid if you didn’t seeth the show. I, your lord and master am offended enough for both of us." Thus sayeth PIG: "Shut up, stop whining, and grow a pair Brent." Mississippi Thanks to a state law, the cops - who have nothing more important to do to pass the time - are empowered to nail Waldenbooks and any other book wrangler for displaying sexually explicit books where minors can see them. According to a shyster working with Don Wildmon’s American Family Association, the bookstores need to be subjected to legal and Decency Jihadikaze action:
The problem with "sexually explicit" as a standard is that the Decency Jihadikazes can keep moving the bar lower, and lower. Sexually explicit is whatever offends the most hypersensitive mutant who lives in the Magnolia State. It might be a lot easier to get a list - it will be a very damn short list - of books that don’t offend these Decency Jihadikazes. Hmm, given the sexually explicit - big damn time - nature of certain parts of Cross Cult scripture, I wonder what would happen if some rational adult demanded that it be removed from bookstores because it’s too sexually explicit for minors? Bold new concept. Twerpy Tommy Update PIG has some reassuring news for those PIGsters who can’t get a good night’s sleep since Tommy Cruise had his money umbilical to Paramount’s bank account severed. Rest easy, three deep-pocketed, Twerpy fans stepped up to the plate with a $3 million dollar a year "investment" to cover the overhead for Twerpy’s production company. Putting the best face on it, Twerpy’s spokesholes choose to gloss over the fact that $3 million is a far cry from the $10 million a year Paramount paid to cover the production company’s annual expenses. For those keeping score on such things, here are some bare essentials Twerpy’s new benefactors. Daniel M. Snyder is the owner of the NFL’s Washington Redskins, but he makes his serious money as chairman of the theme park wranglers at Six Flags, Inc. The other Twerpy fan is Mark Shapiro, former programming chief for ESPN and currently the man running the Six Flags operation. The third member of Twerpy’s Triumvirate is a real estate "magnate" Dwight Schar, a Six Flags director. Tinsel Town insiders are, to say the least, amused and amazed that a theme park’s brain trust is investing in the world famous couch jumper. They point out the essential fact that Twerpy would need a lot more money - at least $100 million dollars - to cover the cost of Tommy’s big budget productions. Despite the fact that Cruise’s partner in production, Paula Wanger, insists that the requisite financing is a "done deal", most Hollywood pros insist that this Six Flags affiliation is "Plan C" or even "Plan D" desperation. That sounds right to us, but we prefer to err on the side of caution. Whatever else he might be, Cruise is still a bankable commodity who will find a way to keep his career rolling. Mark this one under "down, but not out" on your Twerpy Tommy scorecard. The Great Survivor Caper Survivor Episode I We know what you’re thinking and, yes, the idea is stupid. However, whenever the race card comes into play, it’s big time fun for those of us ensconced in the PIG Bunker. It’s just a matter of time before the stress has these "properly-diverse" contestants whipping out their trusty-dusty race card. Great zot, the inevitable race baiting might make this damn thing marginally entertaining. The new season starts on September 14. Be there or be square. Survivor Episode II Will CBS cave to the pressure? We seriously doubt it. After all this controversy...after this king’s ransom of free publicity, only a complete and utter moron would drop a guaranteed ratings rocket like "Survivor: Cook". We suspect that, when you cut through CBS’s paper thin, pinko scumbag surface, you’ll reveal an interior that is dead president green right down to its very core. CBS should send these caterwauling Ethnocrats a "thank you" note for the spiffy job they’re doing launching "Survivor: Cook" into the ratings stratosphere. If this new diversity on steroids version of "Survivor" has an Achilles’ Heel, it’s the fact that two charter members of the Korrectnik Coalition are missing: Siberian-Americans and GLAAD BAAGs. We’re sure it’s just a harmless bookkeeping error. Somebody in the production office forgot to carry the 1 when they were calculating the show’s diversity quotient. We’re willing to call this minor deficiency, "no harm, no foul", because the show must go on. Thinking Outside The Box Brace yourselves, PIGsters, your preferred speed bump on the information superhighway is ready to give props to a French capitalist. Shai, a French clothier, is a new kid on the fashion runway, so they're trying to find a way to boost their name recognition. "Advertise" is the obvious answer, but how and where. The "where" is on the Internet, and the "how" is why we're giving them props. Shai posted an interactive fashion catalog on the Internet, but it's not your plain vanilla catalog. The "models" chosen to show off Shai's wares - and assorted other things - are French porn stars. They start out dressed in Shai togs - at first - on a large circular bed, but according to those in the know, they don't stay clothed for long. As the "action" heats up, the clothes come off and a good time is had by every-damn-body. Is the ad fulfilling its mandate? Apparently, because in four months there have been 2 million hits on the site from 117 countries. Shai founder Alexandre Maisetti knows exactly what he is doing: "The first goal wasn't to sell directly, it was to develop notoriety. We will see next season if people like the brand. People are looking at us, but it takes time for people to come in and buy some stuff." Alexandre's plan gets our vote: Name recognition through notoriety first, then sales through supplying a worthwhile product at a competitive price comes later. Names in the News Geraldo For now, we suggest that rational adults keep the appropriate body parts crossed to hasten the departure of this blight on you boob tube dial. Elvis The Skank A Pagan Tantrum About Boom Box Programming Morning drive on my boombox is really starting to suck. On one major talk radio outlet, they have an inexplicably popular host who prides himself on being shocking and outrageous. The primary problem I have with him isn't his politically incorrect outbursts. My gripe is that he's trying too hard to be shocking and spends too much time blithering/bragging about how outrageous he is. It's too bad about him, because, when he chills out and lets this stuff flow naturally, he can be quite entertaining and, occasionally, damn funny. All that is ruined when he goes into "outrage everybody" overdrive. He's making his show unlistenable and that's a fact. Another host is very well informed but the most depressing clown on the planet. He whines, moans, thunders and pontificates about one impending disaster after another. I really don't give a flaming damn if he's right about this crap, because my capacity for gloom, doom and destruction is limited. I can depress myself quite nicely without his help, thank you very much. This dude would be worthwhile, if he'd lighten up once in a while or develop a sense of humor about the crap he spews. Normally when the two clowns I just mentioned get on my last raw nerve, I can tune in the one reliable talk show wrangler, Laura Ingraham. Normally, but this week Laura is on vacation, so I'm condemned to guest host roulette. Wednesday was a good day because Tammy Bruce was filling in for Laura. That, so far, is the one bright spot in this bleak drive time boom box hell. Fishwrap Censorship The alleged journalists who perpetrate a fishwrap named the International Herald Tribune black-flagged a cartoon named "Non Sequitur" because, among other things, the cartoon in question shows VRWC bomb thrower, Ann Coulter, in a burqa. For those who obsess on such drivel, here's the alleged excuse for this banishment:
If you're a tad fuzzy about the exact meaning of "non sequitur", we have it covered. Our dog-eared copy of the American Heritage Dictionary defines it as follows: "an inference or conclusion that does not follow from the premises or evidence". Now that we have that sorted out, here are the spiffy particulars about the banned cartoon:
This sounds very damn clever to me. If anyone knows where to find it on the information superhighway, give us a heads up. Names In the News The Skank The title of the forthcoming 'Playboy' feature is "One Night as Paris" and it features an eager Skank-resembling Reid getting naughty and naked for Hef's photographers. According to the San Francisco Chronicle's "Dish" Natalie Reid bears a striking resemblance to The Skank, a fact that she exploits in the forthcoming photo spread by adopting that Skank pout and posing with a Chihuahua. Penelope Cruz
We're willing to forgive a hottie like Penelope almost anything, even this. However, we're compelled to wonder how much Twerpy paid his Spanish Spitfire to publically endorse his delusions of fatherhood. It's Enquiring minds time at PIG News. J. Lo. If you read stories about a nasty odor rising from Jacksonville (Florida) don't be alarmed, it's just the fetid stench wafting up from this cinematic stink-a-thon. Tara Reid Barry Manilow One of the stars of this ear-assaulting drama - Barry Manilow - sounded off on the idea and, believe it or not, he's not exactly amused. First, Mister Delusions of Musical Adequacy proclaimed - through his designated spokeshole - that he's singlehandedly putting the "rock" back in Rockdale. Furthermore, he's convinced that anyone who hears his warbling will be prompted to get up and dance, instead of fleeing the din. That's right, Barry, don't you dare give up those award winning delusions without a fight. JULY 2006
Kulture Tidbits Source: PIG News Wire [07/26/06] Roger Ailes I Roger Ailes II Feeling a tad smug, a smiling Roger reminded the remaining critics most of the critics who predicted Fox News Channel's untimely demise were "sitting in their hotel rooms right now" instead of sitting in the Pasadena (Mexifornia) auditorium to take their "told you so" medicine. A gloating Roger reminded his hostile audience that Fox News Channel has led all cable news channels in the Nielsen ratings for 55 months in a row. He rubbed salt in the wound by pointing out that Fox News Channel has more viewers than CNN and MSNBC combined. PBS In FCC Bull's-Eye For those who don't see a problem, consider the case of a Northern Mexifornia PBS station that aired Martin Scorsese's music documentary "The Blues". During some of the interviews included in the program, "profanity was used" causing a whiner to file a complaint. Under the current decency regime, the station, San Mateo's KCSM, is on the hook for any fines the FCC might demand. With this case already on the FCC's front burner, some PBS programmers are thisclose to dumping a Ken Burns' Documentary on World War II because some of the individuals interviewed get a tad salty with their language. PIG has its issues with PBS, but when it comes to the VRWC's Decency Jihad, we're on the same damn page. What passes for a decency standard is deliberately vague, allowing the Decency Gestapo to impose a fine on anything that suits their liberty-suffocating political agenda. Make no mistake PIGsters, this Decency Jihad is another example of Political Correctness running amok. It's just as loathsome as the most restrictive campus speech code and that's a goddamn fact. Names in The News One of the Lesser Baldwins The Skank The Skank also insists that she's not the total bimbo everyone thinks she is. We'll forgo the requisite tirade about the Skank and her diseased nads because one Skank whopper at a time is all I can stomach. John DePetro
WRKO program director Jason Wolfe suspended DePetro, giving him 72 hours to "think about it". Boldly going off the Zero Tolerance Zombie deep end, Wolfe castigated DePetro noting that WRKO has "zero tolerance for racial intolerance". Racial intolerance? Since when is GLAAD BAAGism a race? Was John DePetro suitable apologetic? We'll let you decide that one for yourself: "I just mean the way when you're sophomore, juvenile in grammar school, and somebody would say you're like a sissy boy [faggot] . . . I just want to be very clear about that. I don't mean gay [faggot]; I mean like sissy boy. He's a sissy boy." Not exactly groveling, but suitably amusing for PIG's purposes. PIG-Worthy Celebrity Antics Twerpy Tommy
The article goes on to point out how Twerpy bludgeoned everyone with all that asinine details of his Katie Holmes brainwashing adventure and assorted other crap, but now that he's - allegedly - a daddy, he's turned into a clam. Is Suri a product of Twerpy Tommy's diseased brain? Has he brainwashed Katie Holmes so completely that she shares this delusion? The jury is still out, but stranger things - especially where Twerpy Tommy is concerned - have happened. Mikey Jackson I Mikey Jackson II Kevin "Mr. Titney" Federline Mr. Titney is, inexplicably, a hot property, pulling in an amazing $250,000 to endorse a clothing line, and he's thisclose to inking a $300,000 per album recording deal with Jive Records. That's a lot of dough for a loser like Kevin. Proving how flush he is, Kevin paid for dinner recently when he took Titney out for some eats. Kevin paid? Bold new concept! Decency Gone Wild "It looks like they want to end live broadcast TV." (An unnamed broadcast executive) "I don't know how they are going to rule, but they asked us for tapes with a specific emphasis on crowd noise. If some bozo in the crowd calls the ref an asshole, the commission is asking for a copy of the tape." (Another unnamed TV executive) America's Decency Gestapo - the FCC - is goose-stepping its way toward a bold new reality that will, quite likely, banish all live programming from you boob tube. No more live sports broadcasts, no more breaking news with some breathless news nitwit standing near the relevant news event. All that will be gone. Why? Because the FCC just started a major seek and destroy campaign targeting live broadcasts:
All the money networks poured into bringing the viewing audience closer to the action appear to be wasted. All it takes to cost a network a fortune is one fan shouting the wrong word, or one frustrated athlete getting to "salty" near a live microphone and it's FCC fine time. When live sports coverage disappears because of these goose-stepping Decency Nazis and you want to know whom to blame here are a few prime candidates: Brent Bozell, Donald Wildmon, George W. Bush. Comedy Central Does a 180 The Televison Academy put the suits at Comedy Central between a rock and a hard place this week by nominating a 'South Park' episode - "Trapped in the Closet" - for an Outstanding Animated Program Emmy. For those with short attention spans, the episode in question is the Scientology bashing gem that Twerpy Tommy hounded Comedy Central into pulling from their lineup. It's the same episode that caused Isaac Hayes to leave the hit show. Are the Emmy people taking a slap at Twerpy Tommy? It damn sure looks that way. It's also, thanks to their Girliemen of the Week antics, a slap at Comedy Central. What's a gutless cable programming punk going to do? Determined to capitalize on the inevitable publicity, Comedy Central's suits are doing a 180. The infamous, Twerpy Tommy bashing episode of 'South Park', "Out of the Closet" is scheduled for a July 19th air date. Will they stay the course, or will someone with a spine force them to pull the plug on it again? The smart money is solidly on "pull the plug", but we won't know that until next Wednesday night. TFV Takes One On The Chin U.S. District Judge Richard P. Matsch brought the gavel down, hard, on a Utah company - CleanFlicks - that "sanitizes" movies for TFV (Traditional Family Values) viewers. Unlike another Utah firm, ClearPlay, which wrote special software that enables DVD players to skip certain TFV banned scenes in a flick, CleanFlicks creates a new, censored DVD:
Judge Matsch concluded that editing movies then releasing them for rental or purchase violates U.S. copyright laws. Call us names if you must, but that seems right, to us. On the other hand, despite my problems with censorship, ClearPlay's solution is the more elegant one, and the one that probably passes legal muster. They don't tinker with the content of the film. Instead, the issue specific instructions to the DVD player that allows certain "too real for TFV eyes" scenes to be skipped. No harm, no foul? Not quite, but close enough for government work. Self Inflicted Wounds With ABC, and assorted other networks shoe-horning more and more advertisements into their network fare with each passing minute, boob tube consumers are striking back with a gem called "ad skipping". This is especially true of boob tube watchers who use a DVR (Digitial Video Recorders) to watch their favorite network shows without being interrupted by those endless ads. When questioned about it, most DVR owners cite ad skipping as a primary reason they plunked down the dead presidents for a DVR. An ABC suit, President of Advertising Sales Mike Shaw, is painfully aware that all his efforts to fill every broadcast hour with 59 minutes of ads - not including "product placements in TV shows" - is driving viewers to DVRs in droves. He's equally aware that DVR owners are, routinely, using this electronic toy's ad skipping feature to render his job meaningless. Instead of telling his network to provide more minutes of programming per hour to distinguish ABC from the other networks, Mike is trying to torpedo ad skipping. How? He's attempting to arm twist DVR manufacturers into deleting the ad skipping feature that is a primary DVR selling point. If Mikey wants to get more viewers sit through all those ads, then he needs to step up to the plate and decree that, henceforth all ABC ads must be "entertaining". If that's too much for him, he needs to cut down on the number of ads he's cramming into each hour. Since he's incapable of doing either...since he's being a whining scumbag...since he's going girlie and furtive in his efforts to thwart viewer preferences...since he's sticking his damn nose where it doesn't belong, Mike Shaw needs to be bitch slapped until he wakes the hell up and stops trying to sabotage the marketplace. Kulture Tidbits Bruce Willis The Hoff Subsequent statements by Wimbledon officials tried to spin this epic. They insist that The Hoff showed up for a center court match with an invalid ticket and went away without a fuss. The same Wimbledon spokesholes insist that this is the only incident relating to The Hoff. Yeah, right dudes. True or not - and we choose to believe our pals at the Sun - it's a great story that's too good to pass up. Twerpy Tommy Cruise
This isn't the first wacko promotion perpetrated by the Storm. One year, they had a Dr. Seuss night during which all the players "wore red and white striped socks to dress up like 'The Cat in the Hat.'" JUNE 2006
Kulture Tidbits Source: PIG News Wire [06/30/06] View Vixen Cut Loose Bruce Springsteen Ashlee Update: Most of you will be relieved to learn that Ashlee turned down the 'Playboy' offer. The horndogs in our readership - I'm talking to you now, Anthony - will need to wait for Ashlee's career to get mired in the crapper before they get to scope out her booty. When the time comes - and come it will - she'll reconsider this 'Playboy' spread idea as the perfect way to revive her career as a screecherette. While we're on this subject we are compelled to wonder if our PIGish pitstop on the information superhighway played any part in her decision. PIG dares to imagine that she spotted that porn career idea and ran with it. Mikey MSNBC Cleaning House? A painfully long story in the NY Times indicates that the liberated prime time slots will be filled with "one to two hours of long form taped shows". I'm guessing that means nightly versions of MSNBC's notion of serious journalism - "Dateline" with a militantly Marxist twist. Big, big fun. How thrilled am I that I can nuke a cable channel from my TV channel line-up? Very and you can quote me. Update: After this item was written Rita Cosby was cut loose. Special Celebrity Awards This week, we have four additional awards that didn't make the cut, but are worth sharing with you, here. All four relate to people in the public eye who are challenged when it comes to saying goodbye: Bungled Farewell of the Week: Connie Chung's torch song rendition of Bob Hope's theme song, "Thanks for the Memories" was, we suspect, an attempt at humor. We're willing to cut Connie some slack and opine that her inherent Lotus Clan inscrutability derailed her attempt at a humorous farewell. Don't Say Farewell Unless you Mean It: This award goes to Babs Streisand who ripped off her devoted fans with outrageous ticket prices during her 1999 "I'm leaving and I really mean it this time" farewell tour. Some fans are so outraged by her October 2006 "I Was just Kidding" tour that they're shyster shopping. Bitter Farewell of the Week: Danski Rather isn't thrilled about it, but after 44 years lurking inside CBS News, that venerable outpost of alleged journalism finally booted Danski right out the door. Like too many of these "farewells" this one feels like "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when". Child Star Farewell of the Week: Regular PIG readers know all about Dustin Diamond, an out of work child star whose most memorable role was Screech in the teenage boob tube show, "Saved By The Bell". Dustin's problematic farewell involves his humble abode to which he's forced to say farewell, because a lender foreclosed on it. He's hoping to defer this farewell by selling a boatload of Screech t-shirts to his nostalgic fans. Save Screech's house? Why the hell not. This and That Titney Returning to her roots? World Cup After we kicked, pummeled and abused soccer at a recent PIG staff meeting, we all agreed on what the sport needs to grab our undivided attention. You'll find our solution on the PIGraphics page. It's the third item from the bottom. If the World Cup wingnuts make that simple little change, the entire PIG staff will be there in a heartbeat. Warthog Spouts off Again Kulture News Dixie Twit Ticket Sales Sweater Puppy Sprouting Costs Dancer Her Job Alice's rambunctious sweater puppies were not warmly received by the show's production company. Due to her new endowments, Alice was - according to her lawsuit - subjected to verbal abuse and sexual harassment. Unwilling to make the relevant changes to Alice's costumes, the show finally fired Alice. Apparently Alice's new endowments didn't meet the prevailing babely dancer requirements. Unlike any horndog I know, Broadway show scumbags aren't thrilled by dancers with bodacious sweater puppies. The show's producers deny this, as expected, so we'll be forced to issue a stay tuned on this utterly PIG-worthy story. Changes AT MSNBC ESPN Bottom of the Barrel Programming Another Babs Farewell Tour? MPAA Pin's "PG" on Cross Cult Flick The MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) thrilled the usual Cross Cult suspects when it pinned a "PG" rating on a low budget Cross Cult flick named "Facing the Giants". We know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. The MPAA didn't "PG" the flick for nudity, adult themes or language that got a tad too real. Nope, the MPAA affixed the "PG" because the flick is, purportedly, "too evangelical". "Evangelical" is spot on, we suspect, since the film's writers/producers are "associate pastors of media" at Albany (Georgia) based Sherwood Baptist Church. Provident Films, marketing VP, Kris Fuhr, got this explanation from the MPAA:
Right or not - and they probably have it right about the "evangelical" part - the MPAA seems to be blazing a new trail in their quest to rescue movie goers from unscheduled "enlightenment". I don't remember asking the MPAA to save me from my dubious movie selections with their relentlessly-expanding movie rating trip wires. If I stray into a theater and see this Cross Cult epic and it majorly rots my socks, I'm quite capable of walking the hell out of that theater whenever my irritation reaches critical mass. I don't need these flick nannies to tell me what I do or don't want to watch. If I need to be forewarned, the usual movie critic suspects have got it covered. BBC's New Diversity Czarina Diversity dementia at BBC reached critical mass this week, when this venerable Brit institution appointed a wench named Mary FitzPatrick to be the media giant's first Diversity Czarina. Her job description includes the usual diversity bonkers laundry list accompanied by some requisite spin-doctored "assurances":
If you live in the U.K. be afraid, be very afraid. The H.M.S. Boob Tube Turbo Suckage setting sail toward a boob tube near you. Don't say we didn't warn you. Banned In Pakistan That bastion of religious tolerance and kindness to the differently-Moslem, Pakistan, just banned this pest-hole's movie theaters from showing that bane of Cross Cult existence, 'The Da Vinci Code'. In a country where converting from Mecca Mania to Cross Cultism can be hazardous to your health...in a country with a long track record of attacks on Cross Cultists, the government decides to spare Cross Cult feelings by banning this film? There's something very wrong with this picture. For those who obsess on such things, here's the relevant film banning prose:
This Bhatti pinhead goes on to accuse 'Da Vinci Code' author, Dan Brown, of deliberately trying to "undermine the historical as well as theological truth about Jesus Christ". Apparently, there's no Pakistani equivalent for the word "fiction". It's "go figure" time in the PIG News bunker. MAY 2006
Entertainment News Briefs Source: PIG News Wire [05/31/06] Oprah in the Bull's-Eye Here, for your amazement and amusement are some of the slings and arrows Ice Cube is sending Oprah's way:
Ice Cube needs to man up and face the facts. Maybe he's not pathetic enough to make Oprah's "I'm a self-made loser who whines piteously" cut. He's got too much going from him to qualify for Oprah's "poor baby" blight on the boob tube dial. MPAA Sued If anything fun happens concerning this story, PIG News will share all the juiciest tidbits. Playboy Channel Gets Real Since it's on Playboy's premium channel, nothing is hidden, because the cameras keep on rolling in those all important bedrooms. The good news is that this booty call peep show is on cable. The bad news is that you'll be forced to fork over some extra bucks to watch it. Life is so relentlessly crappy that way. Maggot Painted With Lawsuit Bull's-Eye
Deliberately editing - without Sgt. Damon's permission - Sgt. Damon's comments to NBC to make him look like a war-hating peace punk, the Maggot's film portrayed Sgt. Damon as an cruelly abandoned victim of W's war on terror. It's no shock to any rational adult that the truth - unseen in a single frame of the Maggot's film - is much, much different:
PIG salutes Sgt. Damon for his service to his country and fully supports his bid to nail the Maggot's fat butt. Kulture News Briefs The Other Hollywood
It's nice to know that there are a few rational adults left in Hollyweird. PIG salutes Bruce Willis, who, like Gary Sinise, has the right stuff. Dixie Bitches I Dixie Bitches II Skank Album Delayed Hugo's Oliver Stone Delusion Enquiring Minds Several members of the PIG staff are still giving me grief over an item we posted on Sunday's Page One PIG. For those who missed it, here's the item in question:
Certain worrywart PIG staffers keep bugging me with asinine questions like "What if they go look for it and can't find it?" On the off chance that anyone out there in PIGster land is locked and loaded to hunt this bad boy down at Amazon, Borders, or Barnes and Noble, I have word or two of advice for you. Ready? Find a rational adult and have him, her, himher or it explain it to you. Ron Howard is a Big Meanie The whiners in the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation have their victimhood panties in a wad because Ron Howard's big screen version of Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" stays true to the book. No matter how much they complained, pouted and caterwauled, the whiners couldn't shake Ron's insistence that the monk-assassin Silas will be portrayed as an albino. That's right an albino with those tattletale red eyes. As fun as this is, it gets better, because this differently-pigmented cabal has been keeping score, for decades:
Michael McGowan, the leader of this cabal reports that Ron Howard's film is the 68th movie since 1960 that includes an "evil" albino. In case you wondered, we give McGowan and his group props because they aren't planning a boycott. As rational as that sounds, they're still in the Korrectnik Whiner zone for making a mountain out of an "it's only make believe" molehill. We smell the rancid stench of group think when they choose to define themselves based on an immutable trait - albinism - instead of choosing to be individuals who are more than skin pigmentation - or the lack thereof. Taking Political Incorrectness to New Heights Colonista panties are in a bunch over an on-line shooting gallery game that Mexican Consulate spokespunk Mariano Lemus has called "an insult to human beings". The game is called "Border Patrol" and it's heroically politically incorrect:
The rules of the game are simple and deadly: "Keep them out at any cost". Proving how unfamiliar it is from First Amendment protected free speech reality it is, the Mexican government is trying to track down the game maker so they can nail them with a lawsuit. Kulture News Disney Goes Korrectnik According to experts this Korrectnik decision will come back to haunt Disney executives:
In a move that falls solidly in the "hedging their bets" category, Disney points out that only its "exclusive" promotional arrangement with McDonalds is ending. Disney straddles the line by suggesting that "we will be working with them on a case by case basis". "Wake Up With Whoopi" A motherless moron named John Hogan, grand guru of Clear Channel Radio, decided that everyone needed to make those morning drives thrilling is "Wake Up With Whoopi", a 5am to 9am (weekdays) boob box adventure that's destined to debut on July 31. "Wake Up With Whoopi"? If that mental image doesn't give you the night sweats, you're in a coma, blind as a bat Sparky. A Whoopi Goldberg radio show? Why the hell not, we survived an Al Franken radio show, but that's a slam dunk since his radio audience is sinking faster than our chances of bagging Angelina Jolie. Breaking Kulture News Washington D.C. Web Sites Fight Against The Border Jumper Invasion Outraged by our governments refusal to defend our borders from the Colonista scumbags who are invading us, some energetic web wranglers are busy doing the job that Uncle Sam won't do. Here's are a few cited in a recent World Net Daily article: HireUSfirst.com WeHireAliens.com ReportIllegals.com IllegalAliens.us If you're looking for a mainstream news site that stays on the cutting edge of the Border Jumping Scumbag story, PIG News strongly recommends that you add "World Net Daily" to your browser's favorites list. It Seemed Like A Spiffy Idea A Mexifornia news junkie was understandably alarmed when he noticed a strange device in an L.A. Times newspaper rack. The red box with its protruding wires prompted this news hound to call the proper authorities. When the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department bomb squad arrived at the Santa Clarita (Mexifornia) location, they, too, were suitably alarmed by the gizmo. Taking no chances, they rendered the news rack "safe" by blowing the damn thing to smithereens. And what, you ask, was this dangerous gizmo that found its way into the newspaper rack? A bomb? Nope, it was something much more ominous: it was a digital music device that was fitted into the newspaper rack and set to play the Mission Impossible theme every time someone opened the box. The bright bulbs behind this promotion concluded - quite rightly, we suspect - that anyone desperate enough to buy the Times might be stupid enough to pay to see Twerpy Tommy Cruise's latest big screen epic. PIGsters living in Southern Mexifornia need to be on the alert, because this bright bulbs installed these gizmos in 4,500 newspaper boxes in L.A. and Ventura counties. APRIL 2006
Kulture Krap Source: PIG News Wire [04/28/06] Hollywood Hypocrite "I've been an advocate for peace my whole life. But one of the main purveyors of violence in this word is this country [the USA]." Danny "Marxist Rat Goddamn Bastard" Glover loves to stage photo ops with his Marxist homeboys - Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez - because, in Danny's alleged mind, they're tragic victims of Uncle Sam's insatiable appetite for violence, death and destruction. But, this hypocrite shows his true colors when he's subjected to another kind of photo op. His hypocrisy reached critical mass recently during a trip to the U.K. While attending an egregiously Korrect, "anti death penalty" play - "The Exonerated" - in London, Danny shed his "can't we all get along" facade. The fun ensued when Mister Peace Advocate got waylaid by one of the U.K.'s infamous shutterbugs, a paparazzo. Going postal, Mister Peace Advocate started swearing like a sailor's convention and proceeded to pound the shutterbug into submission. Better Late Than Never Giving A Dude a Second Chance This week, Dennis Klautzer, the owner of another Midwest boom box outlet, KRMS-AM in Osage Beach, gave David a new lease on broadcast life, with a Monday-Friday tryout gig that is expected to become full time, if the station owner backs up his lavish praise for David's on-air skills. PIG News salutes Dennis Klautzer for giving David a second chance. Emerilizing Reality Television
The show will be aired on Fox Reality cable and satellite channels this fall. Be there or be square. Air America Going, Going, Gone in the Big Apple? The Terrors of Satellite Radio Technology The View's New Liberal Kulture News Twerpy Tommy I After some initial appearances on behalf of his latest adventure in thespianism, Twerpy blew off several upcoming promotional events to be with his newborn daughter. We're guessing that he wants to get started, right damn now, in his quest to brainwash little Suri. The countdown to Suri's murderous rampage in Scientology headquarters continues. Twerpy Tommy II "...In the shocker of all shockers, Tom Cruise isn't the linguistic expert he claims to be. Despite telling everybody Suri means "princess" in Hebrew, Hebrew linguists have confirmed that it doesn't. Suri has only two meanings - one is a person from Syria and the other "go away" when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert Jonathan Went says, "I think it's fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way." Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy's name, and it also means "pointy nose" in some Indian dialects and "pickpocket" in Japanese. The crazy bastard named his daughter "pointy nosed pickpocket." I take back whatever I said about Tom Cruise, because only a genius of maniacal proportions could come up with that. I just wonder how he's gonna top it. He's gonna have to name his next kid "degenerate puppy killer" or something..." Bye Bye, Davie Boy Islamikaze's Issue More Death Threats
Islamikaze's are issuing death threats over a film that has nothing to do with Mecca Mania because it's dedicated to a man murdered by another Islamikaze? Where does this religion of peace hypersensitivity end? Boom Box News Phoenix (Arizona)
Despite the fact that Brian insists his comments were made "in a satirical manner", the usual suspects prodded Arizona's attorney general and a U.S. federal attorney into filing a complaint with the FCC over Brian's comments. An investigation, if one ensues, will be complicated by the fact that KYFI didn't keep a tape of the broadcast, plus, the curious fact that the station never got a single listener complaint. The salient question is why this off the cuff prose became a federal issue, a month later. Stay tuned, PIGsters, because we suspect this story is destined to get much, much bigger. Los Angeles (Mexifornia) San Francisco (Mexifornia)
After hearing that, John London put a $5,000 bounty on Penn Jillette The price kicked up to a rousing $7,500 if Jillette "suffers". That fast, his show, "John London's Inferno", was dumped like a bad habit by KIFR-FM. It sounds like John is the only one who got extra crispy in this "inferno". EIB Headquarters (Florida) Another "South Park" Furor The fun started, when "South Park's" dynamic creative duo, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, painted a creative bull's-eye on the Jihadikaze furor over those Danish Mohammed cartoons. Envisioning an enraged Jihadikaze mob storming their executive headquarters, the cringing cowards who infest Comedy Central's executive row, went gutlessly girlie by banning any depiction of the Mecca Maniac prophet. Eventually, after news of their craven cowardice finally broke, these panty-wearing scumbags lamely defended their blatant refusal to defend free speech with this tepid prose: "In light of recent world events, we feel we made the right decision." PIG dares to wonder if this gives Jihadikaze pinheads the same dictatorial control over Comedy Central's creative content that this cable blight gave to Twerpy Tommy Cruise and his Scientologist lunatics? Comedy Central's suits need to pull their heads out of their butts, because they're doing more harm than good with these antics. These spineless cretins are allowing some 7th century pinheads repeal the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Moreover, they are granting any group that's willing to go on a rampage the ability to dictate the content of the shows Comedy Central tries to air. Appeasement didn't work when the Brits and their allies tried it with Hitler and it won't work with these liberty-hating Jihadikazes either. Booty Baring Bureaucrat Alison Cushman must be a hottie, because Howard Stern invited her for a return appearance this week, after Alison bared it all for the Decency Demon during her initial appearance on his show in 2005. Although images her tasty stuff are posted on Howard's web site, Alison's extra curricular activities escaped notice in Palm Beach County government circles, until now. She's not, county officials opine, the kind of woman they want in their child abuse investigations department. Another county minion, Marilyn Munoz, spokeswench for the Palm Beach County Department of Children and Families, promised that Alison's antics would elicit "appropriate action":
For those who think Alison is the usual Stern wench, there's something else you need to know about her recent appearance. Her husband, Bynton Beach police Detective Troy Raines, accompanied Alison during her appearance and, in addition to allowing Howard another eyeful of Alison's naked charms, gave Howard a shirt plus a replica of a police badge. We suspect that Alison and hubby Troy will be answering a lot of questions when their respective bosses catch up with them. "Dateline" Paints a Bull's-Eye on NASCAR The Korrectniks at NBC's so-called "news" show, 'Dateline' are trying their best to promote America-dwelling Mecca Maniacs to full blown victimhood. The best way to do that, they decided, is to document some blatant instances where red state chad punchers victimize Mecca Maniacs. Some bright bulb on the 'Dateline' staff predicted that sending Mecca Maniacs to mingle with NASCAR fans would be a nifty way to get those compelling images of red staters abusing Mecca Maniacs. Big, big fun. When NASCAR officials heard about this stunt, they cried foul, and who can blame them. Circling the wagons, NBC spokesdolts spouted drivel about polling results that show anti Islam bias is higher now, than it was in the months following the 9-11 attacks. This alleged smoking gun is easily explained, when it's viewed in context. After viewing the Jidahikaze rampages in France, plus the Mecca Maniac antics that transpired during the infamous cartoon jihad, a negative image of Islam is a given. Add to that the beheadings, the murders, plus the Islamikaze homicide bombers, and Islam's image is destined to take a beating. Don't try to explain that to NBC, because they don't want to be distracted from their foregone conclusion by inconvenient facts. Is this simply another assault on America by lefty (alleged) journalists? Perhaps, but there's one more fun fact that needs to be considered:
Is this korrectnik journalism at its worst, or is this a case of sour grapes because they lost out on the lucrative NASCAR contract? It's probably the former, but losing that NASCAR television contract made it a lot easier to paint a bull's-eye on NASCAR. Korrectnik Journalists Do What Comes Unnaturally It's safe to assume that the korrectniks running three journalist cabals - the National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ), the National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ) and the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA) - have way too much time on their hands. They're terrified that some border jumping scumbag might get a boo-boo from certain English terms that most of these Colonista bastards can't even read. Refusing to tolerate such verbal abuse, these Korrectnik "journalists" want to expunge "alien", "illegal alien" and "illegal immigrant" from the journalistic lexicon. Instead, they prefer sensitive prose like "undocumented immigrant", "undocumented worker", "economic refugee". Straying farther into the Korrectnik zip code of the Twilight Zone, the Taco Clan journalists (NAHJ) spouted this drivel about "illegal":
Whining comes naturally to these alleged journalists who insist on defining themselves based on immutable traits issued at birth. We are annoyed, but not surprised, that they wear their hypersensitivity like a badge of honor. There is one matter, however, that majorly rots our socks here in the top secret PIG News bunker: they refused to include PIG's "Border Jumping Scumbags" in the list of banned terms. PIG demands equal time. No justice, no peace. MARCH 2006
Kulture News Nuggets Source: PIG News Wire [03/31/06] He's Back
We're sad to report that the suits running VH-1 have another reality show that stars this fool. The last time he assaulted our senses he was mooning over Sly Stallone's ex, Birgitte Nielson, in the aptly named VH-1 show, "Strange Love". We hoped, foolishly, that we'd seen the last of him, so his return came as an unpleasant surprise. This time out, this blight on your boob tube dial is called "Flavor of Love". Here's part of the show's hype from the VH-1 web site:
Despite PIG staff grumbling, we endured parts of this drivel, until we ran out of brewskies to fortify us for the ordeal. Are these women so desperate for some face time on the tube that they'd fight over this fool? Are their lives to devoid of meaning that they would throw themselves at this legend in his own mind? Is this wall clock wearing fool with his horned helmet the best they can do? We don't know, and we really don't want to hear the answers to these and countless other questions. Is this the last we'll see of Flavor Flav? Only if we're very, very lucky. Annual Foolish American Awards Announced Painting A Bull's-Eye On Scientology Everyone at Comedy Central, Paramount and in Twerpy Tommy Cruise's reality-proof bunker denies it. But, despite all this face saving spin, it's obvious to any rational adult that Twerpy Tommy intimidated Viacom into stopping the repeat broadcast of an episode that nails Twerpy Tommy and his Scientology handlers. If you parse the denial coming from Twerpy Tommy's spokesholes, you'll note that they don't actually deny the assertion that he intimidated Viacom into yanking the South Park episode. All they do is deny that he said the exact words attributed to him. He had the episode banned and we all know it. 'South Park's' creative duo - Matt Stone and Trey Parker - knows it too and they got their pound of Scientology flesh in this week's episode. The target of opportunity in South Park's latest assault on Scientology is Chef, the character played by Scientologist Isaac Hayes. Thanks to some Scientology manipulation, Hayes was forced to quit his popular South Park role, a move that Matt and Trey repaid this week when they had Chef turned into a globe-trotting child molesting zombie by a highly secretive cabal called the "Super Adventure Club". After the tykes who star in PIG's favorite cartoon manage to rescue their friend Chef, the character comes to a grim end in the closing sequences when Matt and Trey set him on fire, have him fall off a cliff, get him impaled by a tree trunk, then had him ripped apart by a marauding bear and mountain lion. In the final scene, Chef is transformed by the Super Adventure Club into a robot. PIG salutes Matt Stone and Trey Parker for delivering a classic 'South Park' episode loaded with thinly veiled slams at Scientology. Adding to this fun, they laid some richly-deserved payback on Isaac Hayes by daring to take their humor into well charted Politically Incorrect waters. Thanks guys, the whole PIG staff was very damn amused. Kulture News Briefs Viagra-slamming polygamist thrills Mormons spitless
Mormon officials didn't need a priority message from the celestial realm to decide they hate this series and all those who perpetrate it. On the church's official Web site, they call this new HBO series "lazy and indulgent entertainment [that will] reinforce old and long-outdated stereotypes" about their flavor of supernaturalism. Brazil's Hooker's Hit the Airwaves Since this endeavor will be funded, entirely, from private sources, PIG News deems this idea "no harm, no foul" and wishes the new owners of Radio Zona good luck in their new endeavor. A Super Bowl of Cinematic Suckage The Thrilling Casting Particulars: J.R played by John "L. Ron is my main man" Travolta; Sue Ellen played by Jennifer "Hippo Butt" Lopez; Shirley MacLaine set for Miss Ellie. Our Expert Opinion: I'd rather have a quadruple root canal without Novocain. France Gives Jerry Lewis "Legion of Honor" Status
When it was Jerry's turn to speak, he was forced to "despoil" the occasion with English, because - we're shocked, shocked I tell you - Mister Jerry "I'm a comic genius in Paris" Lewis doesn't speak one word of French. A mere mortal would be vilified in the French press, but not Monsieur Jerry. We've given up on trying to understand this French-Jerry love-a-thon and decided to add it to our growing "another of life's mysteries" pile. The Superficial's Quote of the Week "Is there a celebrity that's had a faster fall from hotness than Britney Spears? Just a few short years ago, she was galavanting around in a skimpy cheerleading outfit, expressing her need to be physically dominated. A short time later, she declared that she wasn't as innocent as we all first assumed, showing off her body in a red leather outfit in the process. And then, to fill up the mental masturbatorial image banks of teenagers across the world, she made out with Madonna. Then K-Fed came around and the Britney we're left with is a large, out-of-shape, white-trash version of the pop superstar who's always at the beach and, horrifyingly, always wearing skimpy clothing. It's like a caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis, only instead of turning into a beautiful butterfly it turns into a Cheeto-loving beached whale." Kulture News Nuggets Going Green In Tinsel Town PIG dares to wonder how many of these greenie weenie thespians own and regularly use one of these green rides when the camera crews aren't around to catch them being environmentally correct. Twerpy Tommy Strikes Again Speaking of Twerpy Tommy, the Superficial site shared served up this tidbit:
Congratulations Twerpy, you just grabbed the Cosmic Suckage brass ring. Mel Gibson Goes Native? Ratting Out Mikey
The ultimate Mikey antic involves Mikey and his nephews after Tito's ex-wife died. According to Jermaine they family found 'Michael sitting on a bed with Tito's young sons and holding them in a disturbing manner..' Despite it all - and thanks to Mikey's threats to cut Jermaine's money umbilical - the family circled the wagons and protected the family pervert because without his money they'd be forced to support themselves for a change. Off The Air America?
If the rumors are true and WLIB kicks Air America out, the Big Apple would join Phoenix (Arizona) and Missoula (Montana) on the growing list of cities that shed their Air America affiliate. This Air America station shrinkage might explain why Al Franken is making noises about running for the U.S. Senate. Another Toon Tizzy "I grew up with 'Tom and Jerry' and I think I'm OK. Popeye beat up Bluto and you cheered. That was perfectly fine. Now the protagonists will be caught in dark, powerful, oftentimes scary scenarios where there is hard violence." (America's Self-Appointed Censor, L. Brent Bozell III, Grand Wingnut of the Parents Television Council) America's top censor is doing his best to extend choke hold on America's electronic media by extending his censorship role to cable television. To further those ends, Brent Bozell ordered his zombie-like PTC minions to analyze 444 hours of daytime kiddie programing and find a critical mass of reasons to be shocked, dismayed, alarmed and outraged. His minions shouldered their task last Summer, and the results have finally been tabulated:
Our first impression is that Brent and his minions need to get a life. Our second smartass response concerns "potty humor and mean spirited name calling". Somebody needs to tell them that CSPAN's coverage of congress is not considered tyke-worthy television. Finally, we're forced to comment on Brent's assertion that "I grew up with 'Tom and Jerry' and I think I'm OK." Call us names if you must, but we'd like a second opinion before we accept Brent's word that "I'm OK." FEBRUARY 2006
South Park Boycott Backfires Source: CBC [02/23/06] When New Zealand's Rosary True Believer bishops got wind of a forthcoming 'South Park' episode about the venerated Cherry Mama, they went publically postal with a letter to all Kiwi parishioners. Taking a cue from their North American coreligionists - the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights - who protested the same episode when it showed in the USA last December, the bishops' missive urged the faithful to boycott the channel and its sponsors. Why the fuss? As usual we're all over it:
The letter bore predictable fruits when the "Bloody Mary" 'South Park' episode pulled in six times the normal audience for the boycotted Kiwi broadcaster. Normally a 'South Park' episode pulls in 35,000 viewers, but last Wednesday's episode pulled in at least 210,000 viewers. With numbers like that, the broadcaster should send the Kiwi bishops a "thank you" note. Another Day, Another Blithering Hollywood Idiot "There are causes worth fighting for even if you know that you will lose. Unless you are willing to accept torture as part of a normal American political lexicon, unless you are willing to accept that leaving the Geneva Convention is fine and dandy, if you accept the expansion of wiretapping as business as usual, the only way to express this now is to embrace the difficult and perhaps embarrassing process of impeachment." (Thespian Richard Dreyfuss on the need to impeach George W. Bush) Like each individual on this planet, Richard Dreyfuss was born with the inalienable right to speak his mind. That's right, even Hollywood halfwits have the right to free speech, but, there's no inalienable individual right that forces anyone to listen to him, let alone take him seriously. He's an actor, a grown man whose chosen profession involves a game of "let's pretend" where his words and actions are scripted for him. Richard can shout his demented drivel from the roof tops, but there's no earthly reason why anyone needs to listen to him. Giving credit where it's due, this pagan scribbler admits that Mr. Dreyfuss has just enough residual synaptic activity to realize how thrilled the VRWC will be over his "impeach Bush" sentiments. Anticipating the visceral reaction, he warned: "Watch me lose my sense of humor if people accuse me of treason." Cowering in the top secret PIG News bunker, and struck with abject terror over this stern warning, we're willing to meet Richard halfway. Rest assured, Hollywood halfwit, PIG won't call you a "traitor", because we already know that you're a blithering goddamn idiot. Must See TV Somebody in ABC's programming department deserves a raise. Painfully aware of the infamous post Super Bowl broadcast audience dropoff, someone came up with an idea that made switching channels unthinkable for any red-blooded dude. The episode of "Gray's Anatomy" that followed the Super Bowl started like a house afire with a "steamy three-way lesbian shower fantasy scene". As programming decisions go this one is a mega hit:
At press time, Brent Bozell and Donald Wildom were still catatonic from the steamy, sex-drenched shock. It might take a while for them to recover sufficiently to muster the requisite 'indecency' outrage. Kulture News Nuggets Another Day, Another Noxious Cinematic Notion An Old Boob Tube Dog, Plays the Same Old Tricks?
Is Aaron Spelling an out of control horndog or the victim of a disgruntled ex-employee? When we know, you'll know, so stay tuned PIGsters. Razzie Award Nominees Announced Jamie Kennedy's sequel to Jim Carey's "The Mask", "Son of the Mask" pulled in 8 nominations, including Worst Actor, Worst Director, Worst Picture. "Dukes of Hazzard" pulled in several nomination including Worst Supporting Actress (Jessica Simpson), and Worst Screen Couple (Jessica's "Daisy Dukes" hotpants). The Skank (Paris Hilton) earned a nomination for Worst Supporting Actress in "House of Wax". Twerpy Tommy Cruise pulled in two nominations, Worst Actor, and Most Tiresome Tabloid Target. Twerpy Tommy's beard - prospective bride - Katie Holmes earned a Worst Supporting Actress nomination. "Dirty Love", "Bewitched", and "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" earned six, five and five nominations respectively. Better Late Than Never In Canada? The infamous "don't you dare say that" prose was uttered during a live broadcast of Yasser's funeral. These Canadian bureaucrats were outraged by an Imus 'comment that most Palestinians might be upset "because Arafat stole billions of dollars from them, and they are all eating dirt. And the fat, big wife is living in Paris"..' (Hollywood Reporter). The CRTC panties are further knotted by Imus rant "branding a group of people as 'stupid,' 'stinking animals' that should all be 'killed right now'..." (Hollywood Reporter). Given the results of the recent Palestinian election, is anyone that sure Imus got this one wrong? All things considered, his prose, colorful as it was, rates as a world class understatement. GLAAD BAAG Tourism? We heard on the news that film buffs are booking trips to Wyoming to visit the real Brokeback Mountain. Wyoming's elected tormentors are thrilled that people want to visit, but hasten to mention two salient factoids. First, and foremost, Brokeback Mountain doesn't exist. No problem, you say, just show me the spot where the film was shot. That brings us to our second movie magic factoid: "Brokeback Mountain" was filmed in Canada. JANUARY 2006
Post-Stern Turmoil At Infinity The staff at Howard Stern's former Big Apple flagship station 92.3 Free FM - formerly K-ROCK - are far from thrilled by Stern replacement David Lee Roth's antics. In addition to being utterly clueless about doing a morning drive radio show, Roth is spreading joy throughout the station with his diva on steroids antics. Here are the thrilling DLR facts as presented by Daily News gossip guru, Lloyd Grove in his 'Lowdown' column:
One source inside the station opined that Roth acts "like he wants to get fired and take the money and run." I'd love to fake sympathy but I can't. Infinity Radio made this particular hell when they let Stern go and hired Roth to replace him. That's right, PIGsters, I'm going to say it: Infinity Radio made this David Lee Roth hell, so it's beyond fair that they burn in it. That sound you hear is Howard Stern laughing his butt off, all the way to the damn bank. The E Channel's Red Carpet Groper Headed for Oscars Blatantly GLAAD BAAG fashion designer, Isaac Mizrahi's, red carpet antics at the Golden Globes would get a straight dude fired, or worse. But, since he's a bun ranger, his antics were not only tolerated, they were broadcast from sea to shining sea, repeatedly. For those who obsess on such hot handed fun, here are Isaac's red carpet highlights:
E Channel's President and CEO, Ted Harbert liked Isaac's style:
The only hint of condemnation came from GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). They didn't give a rip about Isaac's hot-handed antics, but where far from thrilled when he called Chalize Theron's Oscar winning role in 2004's "Monster" a "scary dyke with bad teeth". Proving that the double standard is alive and well in Tinsel Town, E Channel bright bulbs have assigned Isaac "The Groper" Mizhari red carpet duties at this year's Oscar Awards. That prospect is already thrilling Motion Picture Academy officials spitless:
PIG News has a prediction of its own. If Hot Hands Mizrahi tries that crap at the Oscars, some movie star hottie's body guard will slam dunk Isaac into the nearest trash can. All things considered, this year's Oscar broadcast - the red carpet portion, for sure - rates as must see TV. Be there, or be square. Sweater Puppies In The News Jennifer Love Hewitt
Will she or won't she? The instant we know, you'll know. Jessica Simpson
Unlike JLH, Jessica hasn't reached that point in every marginally talented entertainer wench's career when a 'Playboy' spread becomes a necessary career move. PIG's entertainment gurus predict that we need to endure a couple more movie flops and plus at least one more utterly forgettable album before Jessica joins the "show them while you've still got 'em" babes in Hef's magazine. Entertainment Quote of The Week After reporting that the Skank turned down a nude spread in 'Playboy', the scribes at the Superficial served up this award winning prose: "Paris Hilton refusing to get naked is like Janet Jackson refusing to eat a bucket of Ding Dongs. That's what she does! If I ran into her on the street somewhere I'd be like "hey Paris, why don't you show me your - ", and I'd never finish, because she'd already be naked, and possibly humping the fire hydrant. At least with Playboy she'd get paid." Kulture Krap A Sad Day In The PIG Bunker Lip-Flapping, Amerika-Hating Rat Goddamn Bastard of the Week
Jesse Lee Peterson said it all with this quote:
Truer words, PIGsters. Truer words. Twerpy Tommy Nuptials Off? After a holiday visit with Tommy's immaculately urped beard's - prospective bride's - parents careened off the rails, self-described "friends of the couple" predict that the eagerly awaited Tommy-Katie nuptials are no longer a slam dunk. For those who insist in getting their gossip directly from the babbler, here are the relevant quotes:
Will they or won't they? We don't have a clue and aren't really that interested in anything this Scientology-addled wingnut does. DECEMBER 2005
Strike Three In D.C.? Being Mayor of Washington D.C. is no picnic, at the best of times, and, for Mayor Anthony A. Williams, these aren't exactly 'the best of times'. His primary problem is one of his own making. His only claim to political fame is getting Major League Baseball to move the Montreal Expos to D.C. and rename them "The Nationals". That was then, but now the time has come - and gone - when he's supposed to deliver on his part of the bargain, a publically-financed stadium project. If the mayor can't get city council support on a stadium financing deal, MLB could do what it does best and relocate the team to a city that's willing to mortgage its future for a baseball stadium.
Mayor Williams continues to exude confidence - in public - that he can seal the deal with MLB. PIG News suspects that, despite the mayor's "glass half full" prose, he's sweating bullets in private. He's gotta know that if he screws this one up they can stick a fork in him because, politically speaking, he'll be "done". New Mexico Judge Pulls His Head From His Butt New Mexico District Judge David Sanchez rejoined reality this week when he lifted the restraining order he had placed on TV star David Letterman ("A Judicial Twilight Zone Epic", PIG News 12/21). His return from the judicial Twilight Zone was prompted in large part by Mr. Letterman's lawyers. For those who need some hard data on this judicial reversal, here are the Cliff Notes:
The burning question remains the same. Any rational adult can explain why Judge Sanchez lifted the restraining order, but I defy anyone to explain why he granted it in the first place. A Judicial Twilight Zone Epic A New Mexico District Judge, Daniel Sanchez, plunged headlong into the Judicial Twilight Zone this week, making a last minute bid for the PIG's coveted "What the hell are you smoking" award. He marched boldly onto PIG's radar when he granted a Sante Fe (New Mexico) wingnut named Colleen Nestler a temporary restraining order against Big Apple based TV star, David Letterman. Under this temporary restraining order in this wench's own words, Letterman must 'stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me and realease me from his mental harassment and hammering"...' (AP). And what, you ask, is David Letterman doing to torture Ms. Nestler? You're gonna love it.
Code words and gestures? Mental harassment through secret, messages? This woman is, at best, delusional, and this black robed assclown feeds her paranoia with this ruling. If New Mexico's rational adults aren't measuring District Judge Daniel Sanchez for a straightjacket, they need to get with the damn program, stat. This clown has no business deciding anything more meaningful "do you want fries with that". Kulture Krap Pammy's Pole Dance If you're bummed that you missed Pammy's pole dance, don't run whining to NBC. Instead, aim that "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore" tirade at the real villain of this piece: Brent Bozell. Celebrity Marriages - Devilish Prenup Details
You'll be thrilled to hear that the PIG Staff is beavering away on its own list of prenup clauses. Regular PIG readers won't be that shocked when I tell you that none of them are printable in a family-friendly publication. It's learn to live with your disappointment time again, "what a bummer" Sparky. A Jackson Clan Reality Show If you're hoping to see Mikey in all his elective cosmetic surgery horror during this show, learn to live with your disappointment. According to the Superfical gossip site, this reality show stars Tito Jackson's offspring, a 1990s vintage boy band called 3T. The pilot episode features the lads getting show biz advice from the Jackson clan's most wildly successful siblings, La Toya and Jermaine. The crisis, as I understand it, involves the lads 'overcoming the prejudices surrounding their Uncle Michael'. That's a tall hill to climb, a task made nearly impossible if they're counting on La Toya's entertainment prowess. Fair And Balanced? The facts: Saudi Prince al-Waleed bin Talal bought 5.46% of News Corp's (The parent of Fox News) voting stock in September. This makes him the fourth largest voting shareholder of News Corp. Initially, Fox News used a banner calling the French riots "Muslim Riots". During the coverage, that banner came down and was replaced by a more benign banner reading "civil riots". The Prince's Story: '...[Here's] the Prince’s December 5, 2005 statement given to Middle East Online regarding his ability to change what viewers see on Fox News. Covering the riots in Paris last November, Fox ran a banner saying: "Muslim riots." Bin Talal was not happy. "I picked up the phone and called Murdoch... (and told him) these are not Muslim riots, these are riots out of poverty," he said. "Within 30 minutes, the title was changed from Muslim riots to civil riots." (Front Page) Fox News's Story: "Over the course of our extensive coverage, it became clear that the Paris riots were caused by a number of different factors which we characterized in various ways as we continued to report the story and discover new information. In fact, one of our contributors, Father Morris, who was in Paris covering this story, was prominently on our air saying this was a cultural assimilation issue, not a religious one." (An official Fox News Statement as reported by Front Page) A French View of the Riots: "The fact remains that only ethnic youths are rioting, that most of them explicitly pledge allegiance to Islam and such Muslim heroes as Osama bin Laden, that the Islamic motto - Allahu Akbar - is usually their war cry, and that they submit only to archconservative or radical imams." (Michel Gurfinkiel, Parisian editor of Valeurs Actuelles as quoted by Front Page) PIGish View: Fox News Channel might be fair, and they attempt to be balanced. But, if some A-rab fatcat can call Rupert and change a story in mid stream to suit an A-rab agenda, Fox News can't be trusted as a primary news source. When your reporting is dictated by the highest bidder, you can call it anything you want, except "the truth". We Hear Titney Spears Anna Nicole Smith Live 8 organizers claim that, due to Anna's condition and behavior, Trimspa stiffed them on the "six-figure promotional fee" Live 8 paid them. Furthermore, since her attire, condition and behavior were so outrageous, Anna Nicole "damaged Live 8's reputation and goodwill in the entertainment industry". All this Live 8 whining strikes PIG News as well charted "well, duh" waters. The scribes at The Superficial site nailed it with this telling prose:
Truer words, PIGsters...Truer words. TomKat Cruise A D. C. Doubleheader Washington D. C. - I Blissfully ignoring the central fact that the BCS - sucky as it is - is none of the Nanny State's goddamn business, committee chairpunk Joe Barton spewed this stop the presses drivel:
This pagan scribbler won't try to defend the fatally flawed, stupidity on steroids BCS lunacy. Instead, I'm forced to ask why this is any of the Nanny State's damn business. Try as I might, I can't find "hold hearings about asinine crap like the BCS" in my copy of the U. S. Constitution. Why are our elected tormentors perpetrating this "comprehensive review" - legicrat code for a circle jerk - of the BCS of all things? If Joe Barton has nothing better to do on my goddamn dime, he should quit congress, and get a real job for a change. Washington D. C. - II The worse case scenario for this stadium deal debacle would involve a lawsuit by MLB, plus the relocation of the team to a different city. City officials swear that won't happen, but that's wishful thinking, at best. Sports franchises have a long history of leaving cities high and dry, with a stadium that's useless and piles of debt to pay off, some -damn-how. Will D.C. get screwed by MLB? Probably...Eventually. Ask me if I care. |
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