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PIG
NEWS DIGEST
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DECEMBER 2006
Zero Tolerance in Maryland
Source: Herald-Mail [12/20/06] The officials at a Washington County (Maryland) cess-school went Zero Tolerance Zombie bonkers when one of their male inmates sexually harassed one of the female inmates by pinching the wench on the bottom. In a heartbeat this government school horndog was hammered for "unwelcome sexual advances, request for sexual favors and/or other inappropriate verbal, written or physical conduct of a sexual nature directed toward others" (Herald-Mail). A spokesdolt for the cess-school in question is standing firm on the sexual harassment charge:
To put this epic into its proper perspective, there are a couple additional facts to be considered. The school in question is Lincolnshire Elementary School and this dastardly sexual harassing horndog is a 5 year old lad who has no clue whatsoever about "sex" and probably calls dad kissing mom "mush". Undaunted, the Zero Tolerance Zombies have chiseled "sexual harassment" on the lad’s permanent school record. They swear it will disappear when he moves on the middle school, but I wouldn’t bet the damn farm on it. A 5 year old pinches a girl’s butt and it’s sexual harassment! Have these Korrectnik rat bastards lost their goddamn minds completely? Great Northwest Nitwit Reality Check The Law of Unintended Consequences chickens have come home too roost in a rainsoaked outpost of rampant liberalism called Seattle. This particular reality check reached critical mass when the financial bleeding from a self inflicted junk food ban in Seattle’s government schools became impossible to ignore. It all looked so good on paper, so how did things go so terribly wrong when they were only making these changes to the school’s food offerings "for the children"?
The clucking from those Law of Unintended Consequences chickens is getting too loud to ignore.
Seattle’s Educrats are "brain-storming" ideas to correct the situation, but don’t hold your breath waiting for them to say "Oops, never mind". In a rational world, they would try performing their primary function - instilling knowledge about reading, writing, history and math - and let the inmates’ parents deal with those pesky nutritional issues. The problem with that notion is that we’re talking about a notoriously irrational zip code of the Twilight Zone, not a place where linear synaptic functions are likely to happen. Banning Academic Achievement This week, the principal at a Bay State government cess-school named Needham High School painted a bull’s-eye on student academic achievement and booted it out of the school system. This Educrat scumbag’s named is Paul Richards and he is shocked, dismayed and alarmed over the inexplicable - to him - obsession serious students have with their grades. To refocus their attention on more suitable student pursuits - multiculturalism, no doubt - this cretin has decreed that, henceforth, the names of students who make the honor roll will no longer by published in the local paper. Why? You’re going to love it.
If educational achievement isn’t measured by a student’s grades...if getting on the honor roll subjects the merely mortal student to stress, how exactly does Principal Pinhead plan to measure his success at "promoting learning"? I can hear him now: "We selected Moonbeam to be our student achiever of the year, because she planted some greenery at the local homeless shelter. I can’t discuss the charges that she deliberately planted a marijuana grove at the site, since the matter is still under litigation". You might as well stick a fork in meaningful education at Needham High, because they just named student academic achievement public enemy number one. Letting It all Hang Out A class project chosen by certain seniors in Antelope Valley Union High School’s drama club is giving all the usual suspects a case of moral outrage heartburn. The project sounds salacious in the extreme, the way a hyperventilating World Net Daily describes it:
After the ensuing deluge of moral outrage swept over the district, Antelope Valley trustee, Al Beattie, served up "the rest of the story". The most important fact that WND missed in its zealous initial report was the fact that this production is not a Antelop Valley Union High School production. It’s a production at Antelope Valley College. Mr. Beattie explained it this way:
Did that response satisfy WND or the relevant Mexifornia morality mutants? Get a grip, Sparky. I won’t bore you with the usual TFV angst about 21st century decadence, the parallels between America and Rome, not to mention Sodom and Gomorrah. I will pass along the fun fact that one of the high school participants is high school senior named Lane Williamson who is DIRECTING this production of a familiar period piece called, "Cabaret". With senior project credit denied, and no direct involvement in this production by Antelope Valley Union High School this matter would seem to be closed. WND can continue to beat this dead horse, but I plan to get on with my life. Zero Tolerance Strikes Again According to the officials at a Waco, Mexas cess-school, Damarcus Blackwell’s son is a loathsome pervert. The Blackwell lad is accused of "inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment". As a result of his allegedly blatant, pre-meditated, assault on a female school employee, the Blackwell lad was put on something called an ‘in-school suspension’. I’m guessing that means he’s sitting in a room alone with some male school employee watching his every move. There’s just one thing you need to know to put this incident into its proper perspective. The Damarcus Blackwell’s son is 4 years old. His dastardly act transpired when the pre-kindergartner was lined up to catch the bus after school. He hugged the female employee in question, allegedly "rubbing his face against her chest". That’s all it took for this so-called adult to go bonkers with sexual harassment. We’d like to tell you that this story has a happy ending but we can’t. The good news is that they dropped all the "sexual references" from the tyke’s disciplinary report. The bad news is that they’re leaving the report with its "inappropriate physical contact" bovine excrement in his permanent school record. Which part of he’s only 4 goddamn years old don’t the pinheads running La Vega Primary School understand? NOVEMBER 2006
Conservative College Women Get Organized Source: Washington Times [11/25/06] Up to "here" with the way NO-NADS suffocate any rational discussions, Karin L. Agness organized a group to where conservative college women could gather to discuss issues of special interest to them. The name of her new - and growing - group is Network of enlightened Women or NeW. It started simply enough as a conservative book club at the University of Virginia in 2004, but it has since expanded into a counter-offensive against NO-NAD propaganda. For example, when the U. Va. NO-NADS perpetrated another presentation of Eve Ensler’s "The Vagina Monologues", Karin and her NeW crew countered by inviting Christina Hoff Sommers to address conservative U. Va. College women. A staunch critic of the "Vagina Monologues" Christina gave NeW some of her sage advice:
Since NeW started at the University of Virginia, it has branched out to more than a dozen colleges: Ohio State, Arizona State, University of Alabama-Birmingham, Drake University, Cal State Long Beach, Tallahassee Community College, Boise State University, South Jersey Collegiate, High Point University, University of Oregon, University of Mary Washington, Rice University, Texas State University and the College of William & Mary. If you want to organize a group on your campus, you can get all the relevant info on their Internet site: http://www.enlightenedwomen.org/. PIG salutes NeW for their efforts and wishes them good luck in counteracting the pernicious NO-NAD plague. Brit School Coddles Mecca Maniacs The Educrats running Oakwood School in Rotherham stirred up a hornets’ nest when they went Korrectnik bonkers with the school’s Christmas menu. The instant they announced that "hala chicken" would be the only choice on the menu, parents and students went postal. FYI: Hala edibles are "slaughtered while mentioning the name of Allah and the carcass hung upside down long enough for all the blood to drained". Big, big fun, but not what many of the 1,000 students at the school wanted. Why, you ask, would school officials go Mecca Maniac bonkers with the menu? According to school officials, it was intended to foster "a spirit of inclusion". In other words, "we were terrified that we might piss off some Islamikaze pinheads". Thanks to parents like Rachel Johnson, the kids will have a choice at the Christmas meal: hala chicken or the traditional turkey will all the trimmings. Rachel said it all with these well chosen words:
PIGish kudos go out to Rachel Johnson and all the other students and parents who nuked this Korrectnik brain-fart. College Republicans Thrill Ethnocrats at Boston University Boston University’s College Republicans have Ethnocrats from sea to shining sea in a panty-twisted tizzy with their plans for a "Caucasian Achievement And Recognition Scholarship". In order to qualify for the paltry $250 scholarship, an applicant must be at least 25% Caucasian, be a full-time Boston University undergraduate student, and have at minimum a 3.2 GPA. Those who surmount that hurdle must then complete two essays: one details the applicants ancestry; the second deals with "what it means to you to be a Caucasian-American". If you don’t smell a bitch-slap at affirmative action, you’re in a coma. BUCR president Joe Mroszczyk describes this idea - one they borrowed from the College Republicans at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island - with this quote from an independent Boston University fishwrap called the Daily Free Press: "If you give out a white scholarship, it's racist, and if you give out a Hispanic scholarship, it is OK. It is the main point. We are not doing this scholarship as a white-supremacy scholarship." The response from the usual, properly-hyphenated suspects runs the gamut from "I hear what you’re saying about racial preferences but we still need them to balance out America’s racist past" to "where’s your burning cross KKK breath" and everything in between. All of that is par for the course and the kind of "dialog" that the BUCR wants to generate on campus. It remains to be seen if the RNC will react the same way they did when Roger Williams University’s College Republicans played this "white scholarship" game of chickent. According to Roger Williams’ College Republican president at the time, Jason Mattera, the RNC was far from supportive:
Girlieman is, I’m starting to understand, the RNC’s stock in trade. I think it’s time they grew a pair and started to follow BUCR’s lead by confronting the hot button racial preferences issue. Hambo salutes BUCR for daring to take on the powerful Ethnocrat smear machine. That’s brass nads with a vengeance. Educrap News Tidbits Lexington (South Carolina) The Big Apple (New York)
This Big Apple fishwrap shares many other smuggling methods, all of which seem to be devious, and damn effective. Some hide them in a bra. Others wrap them in an oversize belt buckle that they must remove before going through the school’s metal detectors. Others have their clever ways that they decided not to share. The bottom line is the same as it has always been: when you tell a teenager "no", you can bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that they’ll find a way around your restriction. Educrap On Parade England I
Proving how serious Steve-o is about his hugging ban, he held "naming and shaming" assemblies where hugging hooligans were publically "outed" in front of the school. He’s also condemn recidivist hugging hooligans to detention. PIG thinks this whole mess could be resolved peacefully if Steve-o would start taking his medication. In short order, the "voices" will stop and Steve can pull his head out of his butt. Santa Barbara (Mexifornia) In theory, it will "speed up the lines", but if you think that’s all that’s going on here, I have a bridge for sale in San Francisco. The other excuse for this ‘Big Brother is watching what you eat’ scam claims that it helps a school’s food wranglers do the paperwork needed to get those Uncle Sam greenbacks for the subsidized lunches program. All that might be true, but you gotta know that the Food Nazis will be using that data for a lot more than that. If you have a grade school tyke in the Hope Elementary School District, get ready for a note from the school’s Fat Nazis: "Did you know that your Moonbeam ate 4 puddings, and six slices of bread this week? We don’t want OUR Moonbeam to land on the Fatty Patty dishonor roll, now do we?" England II
The Food Nazis pushing this healthy food scheme insist that the kids will learn to like eating turnip shot and carrot crap. That might be true, but the local authorities who are hit with this decline in meals served are also alarmed by the fact that feeding the tykes healthy meals is much more expensive. Will these facts make the Food Nazis back down? Get serious. They’re convinced that when they cess-school inmates get hungry enough, turnip snot and carrot crap will rate slightly higher than starvation. Bold new concept. Holland Pie Chart Doesn’t Add Up A Brooklyn (NYC) high school principal might not be everything that is wrong with government cess-schools, but she’s damn sure one of the prime exhibits. Her name is Jolanta Rohloff and she’s a graduate of Big Apple Mayor Bloomberg’s "elite Leadership Academy for new principals". This week, she showed what she learned when she sent out a memo explaining the new grading system. The memo included a pie chart that is, to say the least, fatally flawed. Before we get to the pie chart and its flaws, you need to know that Jolanda previously landed in hot water with the Educrap Department when she "gutted the grades of hundreds of students last summer". That incident is directly tied to the fatally flawed chart:
If Jolanda Rohloff is what you get when you send someone to this "elite Leadership Academy", I don’t even want to think about what the ones who didn’t attend are doing. Jolanda needs to write "you can’t score more than 100%" on a blackboard until she gets the big picture. OCTOBER 2006
Educrap News Round-Up Source: PIG News Wire [10/27/06] Livingston (Montana) Park High School’s principal, Eric Messerli took the "pal" part of his job title a tad too seriously and managed to get himself suspended in the process. We know what you’re thinking but this anything like THAT. The bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device while Principal Eric was kidding around with a dude in the senior class. Jawing with the lad about his stellar soccer skills, Eric ‘sullied’ the dignity of his loft position with this frivolity:
Eric’s ultimate fate is unclear. The relevant cess-school authorities are bloviating about Eric’s ability to re-establish his credibility with staff, students and parents. That must mean Eric is an oppressor and thus fair game. Life is so unfair that way. Eric’s fate is now sealed, but it’s not as bad as we anticipated. He won’t need those resumes quite yet. Barely managing to keep his job, Eric will get an official letter of reprimand put into his personnel file. In addition to that minor indignity, Eric was suspended two days without pay and four days with pay, for crossing the line that separates "school administration" from "one of the guys". PIG thinks Eric is a drooling moron, but he’s not dangerously stupid, so keeping him on the payroll pans out as an unequivocal "no harm, no foul" Tampa (Florida)
Why, you ask, did Principal Pinhead pull this article from the paper? In addition to the usual reason, "because I can", he spouted this familiar drivel:
At Hillsborough High, Principal Pinhead’s mantra is painfully clear: "If the truth hurts, censor it." That’s a very interesting lesson he’s passing along. As much as his actions suck, they do serve one purpose. It gets Hillsborough High’s aspiring journalists ready for college, because this "to hell with the truth" attitude is endemic throughout this nation's Cultural Marxism infested Ivory Towers. Free speech might not be dead in America, but it damn sure appears to be on life support. Washington D.C.
There are, as usual, some strings attached to this single sex class scam:
Will single sex classes cure what ails government educrap? Probably not, but as long as it gives NO NADS heartburn we’re willing to give it a shot. Mind-Boggling Educrap Antics In Cleveland When I read the headline for this epic, I wondered how the hell I strayed into the Twilight Zone, again: "Kindergartners to Get Sex Ed Classes". That’s right, PIGsters, some head up their butt Buckeye State Educrats plan to inflict sex educrap on tykes who still call their nads a ‘wee wee’. Asinine? Oh hell yes, but far from shocking. I thought the primary function of kindergarten was to teach tykes how to sit in a room filled with other tykes without beating the crap out of each other. If you’re wondering how common this practice is, wonder no more. Lita Townsend, the demented bitch working as the Cleveland City cess-school’s sexual behavior coordinator freely admits that, as far as she knows, Cleveland is the only district in Ohio that perpetrates sex educrap in every damn grade level. If you’re wondering what kind of crap this sick bitch is perpetrating, here are the fetid factoids:
Fear not Cleveland PIGsters, Lita is doing this for the tykes' own good. To prove it, she spouts a boatload of health statistics which, while alarming, are, quite frankly none of the government school’s damn business. If Lita wants to put a dent in HIV, STDs, and teenage pregnancies, she needs to get a job in the city, county or state health department. Don’t make me come over there, Lita. Educrap Triple Play Food Nazi Hell Politically Incorrect Games Tagged and Sorted Educrap News Briefs McMurray University In a perfect world, the Eggheads running McMurry University would impose a scorched earth eradication of everything Siberian-American. That would involve banishing all vestiges of Siberian-Americans from the school’s library books, text books, and classes. In other words, scorched earth would mean, as far as McMurry University is concerned, Siberian-Americans never existed, and they still don’t. I can hear the interview now: "You want special consideration for admissions because you’re a what? American Indian? Never heard of it, Sparky. NEXT." University of Wisconsin If you’re eagerly awaiting all the graphic details, learn to live with our disappointment, because we haven’t got the goods. The closest we can come is "boozing", "hazing", "inappropriate sexual acts" and "dancing semi-nude". Even if we did get the lurid details, our publisher, Porcus Maximus, is such a stick in the mud, he’d probably black flag them. So be it. Park High School (Montana)
Eric’s ultimate fate is unclear. The relevant cess-school authorities are bloviating about Eric’s ability to re-establish his credibility with staff, students and parents. That must mean Eric is an oppressor and thus fair game. Life is so unfair that way. Millais School (West Sussix) When accused of setting a double standard, school officials circled the wagons in predictable, sometimes amusing ways. They flatly reject the contention that they’re trampling on Lydia’s expression of faith, but that doesn’t pass the smell test. Lydia can’t wear her ring - no jewelry school officials say - but Sikh students get to wear a symbol of religiosity called a kara bracelet. The other response, the one relating to the ring as a symbol of Lydia’s chastity, produced this amazing response:
Zero Tolerance is wildly popular because it’s mindless and utterly devoid of common sense. Even Bubbles the Chimp could administer it - despite the fact that he’s dead, he’d still do a better job - because it’s an intellectual flat-liner’s dream. Unwilling to judge each case individually, these Zero Tolerance Zombie blunder through life, punishing the innocent for asinine reasons. Do everybody a favor Leon and put a gun to your head and pull the damn trigger. Zero Tolerance Zombies Brit ZTZ Adventure
More than a week later, Codie was hauled off to the local police station where she was finger printed, photographed and temporarily jailed on ‘suspicion of committing a section five racial public order offence’. When Codie’s mother went postal over this asinine Zero Tolerance Zombie bovine excrement, school officials, belatedly, decided to "investigate" the incident to see what, if any, crime Codie perpetrated. Are we the only ones who think that this investigation should have preceded Codie arrest? We doubt it. We’re reassured, a tad, by this stellar prose from Robert Whelan, deputy director of a Brit think tank:
They put her with a group of students whose command of English is, at best, limited then bust her as a racist when she complains that she can’t speak their language? Only a Zero Tolerance Zombie on crack would think that’s a spiffy idea. Welcome to Korrectnik Hell, Codie. An American ZTZ Adventure Despite the fact that the aforementioned "unsafe at any speed" hair wrangling device isn’t named explicitly, school officials refuse to cut Taylor any slack:
In other words, Taylor, the rules are whatever these ZTZ pinheads say they are and it’s your fault if you can’t read their minds. Unhappily, Taylor’s permanent school record will note that she was suspended for bringing what these ZTZ pinheads think is a "dangerous weapon" to school. Add the name Taylor Thomas to the roster of Zero Tolerance Zombie zealotry’s victims. The Mexas Museum Melee Sydney McGee, an art teacher from Wilma Fisher Elementary School in Frisco (Mexas), did a header into the Decency Dimwit Jihad when she took 89 students on a trip to the Dallas Museum of Art. After 28 years in the classroom, Sydney is out of a job - and banned from other Mexas schools, no doubt - because some 5th grader whined to a decency demented parent that there were - GASP - nude statues and other nude art at the art museum. Despite the fact that 4 other teachers and 12 parents were on the field trip to the art museum, the full force of TFV intolerance came down on Sydney when a parent complained about the fact that their tyke saw some artistic nudity. School principal Nancy Lawson mutters darkly about other issues that led to Sydney’s firing, but the bread crumb trail keeps leading back to that museum trip:
Normally, we’d lay into these Decency Jihadikazes at this point, but we don’t need to because a PIGster named Randy Welker already took these Educrat asshats to task with this well-written prose: Congratulations on stepping back in time! The actions taken against Sydney McGee are reminiscent of the Victorian era when masterpieces were disfigured with fig leaves and table legs were hidden least they be to suggestive of a human limb. Some of the staff photos on your website almost show some cleavage, this deeply offends some people! Those women should be in burkas! The human body is beautiful, and yet a group of fusty old men and women would censure it while allowing the children to be exposed to graphic violence and bloodshed on a daily basis! Your priorities are 180 degrees out of true. The so-called schools art website is down, has it been censured too? What message are you sending the children? "No Billy, don't look at yourself! That is a dirty and shameful place and you should be ashamed for having it!" This field trip was fully approved by the principle and the parents. Did you think there would not be nudes in a museum? Thank You, PIG thanks Randy for bitch-slapping these asshats so expertly. Stupidity on Steroids - Brit Division If Suzanne Foster isn’t the dumbest Educrat bitch in the U.K. she’s damn sure in the top ten. We know this for a fact because of her recent antics as headmistress of Hillsdale School in Baddeley Grean, Stoke-on-Trent. When it came time for a mixed class of 10 and 11 year olds to change clothes for PE, this insane wench ordered the boys and girls to change clothes in the same room. It was, as you’d expect, very stressful for some of the girls, many of whom were utterly humiliated and in tears. One furious mother wasn’t the least bit impressed by Suzanne Foster’s claim that a lack of teachers made this move a necessity, for the "health and safety" of the children:
Dawn’s daughter, Sam, was punished by being suspended for two days after she ran out of the room to change in nearby girls restroom. Once the excrement hit the proverbial cooling device with a rounding, Brit-accented "splat", Suzanne Foster pulled her head out of her butt and miraculously "found" the necessary personnel to allow the boys and girls to change in separate rooms. SEPTEMBER 2006
Gutless Grinch Steals Holiday Fun Source: Palm Beach Post [09/29/06] The joy of the forthcoming holiday season was snuffed out this week, when a gutless Educrat grinch named Bernadette Floyd cancelled a Christmas program at Windmill Point Elementary school in Port St. Luce (Florida). Principal Floyd imposed the ban on this holiday fare because, last year, one parent complained, demanding "strict separation of church and state issues". I get that, but I don’t get what this particular musical program has to do with the price of beans in Port St. Luce. The holiday fun that Principal Grinch cancelled is called "A Penguin Christmas" and it’s all about Santa Claus, not the Cross Dude. This isn’t the first time this Florida cess-school stomped on holiday fun. According to the Palm Beach Post, last year, at least one teacher ordered a tyke’s mom to cease and desist her plan to bring "Santa cupcakes, candy canes, or other Christmas-themed treats" to a so-called "holiday party". This pagan scribbler is - as some of you might have guessed - a staunch believer in church-state separation. Be that as it may, I am hard pressed to find anything the least bit "churchy" about Santa cupcakes, candy canes or a class of 5th graders warbling cheerfully off-key such classics as "Here Comes Santa Claus", "Jingle Bells" or "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". If Bernadette Floyd can’t see the difference, then it’s time for Port St. Luce’s rational adults to fire the bitch. What’s This Fool’s Damage? Four eighth grade girls decided to celebrate their friendship by wearing identical outfits to school. The outfits in question weren’t booty baring or otherwise noteworthy except for the fact that they were identical. That simple fact propelled them into a header with a Zero Tolerance Zombie (ZTZ) named Michael Shaffer, the principal of McCulloch Middle School in Marion, Indiana. For reasons that he refuses to discuss, this ZTZ was enraged by this vision of sartorial sameness.
The smart money opines that this pinhead mistook this wenchlet fashion statement as a sign that they were gang members. Others aren’t that sure and just think that Principal Shaffer is stark raving nuts. Whatever the case, each of the girls received a five-day suspension. This is crap and everyone knows it, but nobody seems ready to bitch slap Michael Shaffer back to his senses. Additional Info: This incident could have "legs", since the four wenchlets are all Melanin-Enriched and the principal is an oppressor. It’s important to note that Dacia Small’s mom, Regina Barnett, already flashed her trusty-dusty race card in Principal Pinhead’s face: "I told him I think it’s a racial thing. He said he didn’t appreciate that because he has black friends and this and that." Is Principal Pinhead a racists? Don’t know, but we doubt it. Is Principal Pinhead an utter and complete Moron? You better damn believe it, fashion critic Sparky. Zero Tolerance Zombies A first-grade lad named Tawann Caskey did a header into Zero Tolerance this week when the pinheads running Milton Moore Elementary School (Kansas City, Mo.) gave him a 10-day suspension for class IV weapons infraction. In Tawann’s case, the Class IV infraction involved bring a weapon to school that simulates a real weapon. In this government cess-school, a Class IV offense is the most serious offense of them all:
And what, you ask, is Tawann's crime? He brought a two-inch toy squirt gun to school. It's two inches long and it's burnt orange and you think it looks like a real gun? I don't think so, Educrat Sparky. We tend to side with Tawann's mother who said:
Look at this image and tell me how any rational adult could say that this damn thing "simulates" a real weapon. Squirt Gun Image UPDATE: With half the world using them for target practice, the school district beat a hasty retreat and dumped Tawann's suspension like a bad habit. They will also erase the Class IV offense from his public record. Heroic Food Delivery Two Brit mums are taking heroic steps to counteract the Food Nazi nonsense that afflicting a South Yorkshire school, Rawmarsh Comprehensive. It was bad enough when the school replaced perennial favorites like "Turkey Twizlers chips and other fatty food" with bland alleged food that's not fit for human consumption. But, when school officials banned the kids from leaving school grounds at lunchtime to get some kid-friendly food at the local fast food purveyors, Julie Critchlow and Sam Walker started making food runs for the kids, bringing back fish and chips, plus pies and burgers. Julie explains her actions with these well-chosen words: "Kids need a bit of fat in their diet - there is nothing wrong with burgers and chips. At school they only get chips once a week, if they are lucky. The school have objected to what we are doing and they have threatened to call the police. But we will carry on - the kids just won't eat the food they are given at school." PIGish Kudos go out to Julie and Sam for taking on these Food Nazis in their own backyard. Zero Tolerance in Escondido It's called Jersey Night and it's the an annual San Pasqual High School event during which the school's athletes are honored and the members of the various teams introduced. We're guessing that, as the name implies, the athletes arrive wearing their uniform jerseys but what about the dudes on the school's water polo team? This year, 13 members of the 20 man team arrived at the event wearing only their Speedo-style swimsuits. The crowd cheered the lads for their choice of attire, but the stunt wasn't as well received by the school's administrators. Instead of rewarding the lads for their sartorial splendor, school officials suspended them from the teams first preseason meet. In addition, the lads were force to 'sign behavior contracts which stated that any more infractions would prevent them from participating in graduation activities'. Zero Tolerance is alive and well in Escondido, Mexifornia. Zero Tolerance Strikes Again Quinn Lucifer is, as far as zero tolerance is concerned, ahead of the curve. The 5 year old thrilled the Educrats running Jerstad-Agerholm Elementary School on Monday when he set off a noise-making "firework toy" called a popper. That, we’re told by Racine Unified’s superintendent, Cecilia Holley-Young, qualifies the kindergarten lad for a 4-day suspension for bringing "an explosive device" to school. Welcome to the wonderful world of Zero Tolerance twerps, Quinn. Now that we’ve got our first Zero Tolerance story under our belts, PIG News is prepared to declare that the school year is officially locked and loaded. Let the games begin, as long as these games don’t include tag, dodgeball or anything else that might be construed as "fun". Clothes Make The, Uh, Man? The egregiously over-used - I plead guilty, but unrepentant - "panties in a wad" phrase takes on a whole new meaning in this touching, Educrap epic from Batavia (New York). Borrowing a notion straight from PIG’s "Back To School Survival Kit" a certain male teacher arrived for the new school year at Batavia High School wearing...a dress. Heshe is a transsexual who has graduated to that phase of hisher transition that requires himher to wear female clothes and conduct hisher life as a female. As thrilling as that sounds, in some settings, it’s big fun on steroids in a government cess-school. At least 5 parents who asked to have their kids removed from hisher class where turned down by the school superintendent. The reason cited was the usual bureaucratic doubletalk - they didn’t meet the school’s non-negotiable criteria set forth in the district’s guidelines. Making this matter terminally spiffy, the school is forced to walk a tightrope, thanks to state and federal Nanny State edicts that pin a "disabled" label on properly diagnosed transsexuals. Under these edicts, the heshe teacher is protected from discrimination and ‘must be reasonably accommodated by an employer’. True Confession: I tried to picture each of my male high school teachers in a frilly frock and it was a very disturbing experience. You’ll need to cut me some slack while I take a break and grab a cold one. AUGUST 2006
The Great Burrito Lockdown Caper Source: PIG News Wire [08/31/06] Normally, a story about Educrats going bonkers over food in a school is rarely PIG-worthy. In this case, the bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device with a resounding splat when some alert observer reported a boy carrying something long and ominous looking wrapped in a suspicious package. In a heartbeat, events careened out of control at Clovis’s (New Mexico) Marshall Junior High. The cops - Clovis police & the Curry County Sheriff’s Department - arrived to sweep the school for something life threatening, while at least 30 parents worried themselves sick over the fate of their government cess-schooled tykes. Eventually, the school-wide lockdown ended with a whimper and no smoking gun - or anything else - at which point 75 parents yanked little Bruno and Moonbeam out of school. That’s when an 8th grader named Michael Morrissey approached school principal Diana Russell and gave her the thrilling news. The dangerous item someone had spotted was, Michael finally deduced a 30 inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos which he brought to school for a class project. He’d created a product for a restaurant that he envisioned. It's a restaurant business that specialized in extra large burritos. Aside from giving everyone a good, badly needed, laugh, Michael emerged from the event unscathed. He does, however, have a new nickname that will never go away: Burrito Boy. Diversity Bonkers At Cal Berkeley Cal Berkeley is, by any reasonable measure the most politically correct Ivory Tower in the known universe. This contention is bolstered by the fact that Cal is located in the most politically correct city in the known universe, Berkeley (Mexifornia). As heady as it must be to lead this pinnacle of Korrectness, Cal’s Chancellor, Robert Birgeneau, thinks that perfection can stand some improvement. To that end, he just announced a nationwide job search for a Diversity Czar whose job will entail "developing a more diverse faculty and staff and a more open social climate throughout campus" (Chronicle). We hear your groans and you’re right. Chancellor Bobby didn’t call it "Diversity Czar", he did call it something almost as spiffy: "Vice Chancellor for Equity and Inclusion". Here are some pertinent Chancellor Bobby quotes:
In addition to making sure all those essential "ethnic" beans get counted, the new Diversity Czar would also need to count those equally vital "sexual orientation" and "physical capacity" beans as well. And here you were worrying needlessly. PIG News wants to thank Chancellor Bobby, in advance, for all the spiffy grist for PIG’s news mill this new Diversity Czar will send our way. Maybe we should send him Hambo’s resume, because, when it comes to spouting off about diversity, nobody does it like our clinically-bonkers editor. Catch-22 In Pasco County Schools Pasco County school officials decided that a colorful mural by Xavier Cortada would make a perfect image for the cover of the school district's 2006-07 Student Planner. The image in question, "Music", shows five teens who, among other things have headphone wires dangling out of their ears. It is, Pasco County Educrats opined, a classically teenage scene. There's just one pesky little issue arising from this spiffy imagery:
Students who emulate the activity on the Student Planner cover will have their electronic "toy" confiscated. The only way they can get them back involves mom and/or dad going to the school and picking up the impounded items. Holy false advertising, Batman! Egghead Panty Twister The University of Missouri just announced its intention to impose the same background checks on the professorial Eggheads it hires as it does on all it's non-classroom employees. You don't need a quatrain from Nostradamus to predict that the whiners at the American Association of University Professors will go postal the way they did in 2004. At that time, they vilified such background checks, spouting drivel about its impact on "academic freedom" and whining about "the moral cost of adopting a general [background check] policy...in order to identify the rare special case". Yeah right, dudes. The rational adult view of this comes from Frank Schmidt, a biochemistry professor who is helping develop the new standards:
The case that stirred up this background check hornets' nest occurred in Shippensburg University (Pennsylvania). A public relations professor who had taught at the Ivory Tower for 16 years quit abruptly after campus cops searched his computer for kiddie porn. Further checks in the prof's past revealed that he spent 6 months in a graybar hotel after his guilty plea on an indecent assault charge involving a 13-year-old lad. The sound you're about to hear will be coming from University of Missouri Eggheads when the relevant officials salute this new background check policy. Welcome to the real world, Egghead whiners. Mexifornia Educrats Endless Greed The Educrats running a Mexifornia school district can't take "no" for an answer so they're taking a third bite at the tax increase apple in the forthcoming November election. In June 2005 a $70-per year "parcel tax" increase didn't garner the requisite 66% required to plunder property owners for more fetid Educrap. In June 2006 the Educrats running John Swett Unified School District tried again and came damn close to getting the job done. In the June 2006, election, 64% of the voters favored nailing property owners for a $72-per year parcel tax, but 64% isn't enough to get the job done so it's back to the drawing board. Encouraged by the last election results, district officials plan to put a new parcel tax on the ballot. This one would nail residential and commercial property owners for $52, but hammer heavy industrial property owners for $170-per acre. This new bite at the tax increase apple has another sneaky feature. Instead of containing a "sunset clause" like the prior tax increase measures, this one is "open ended". Also, unlike the first two tax increase measures, this one doesn't exempt seasoned citizens. There's one spiffy little fact buried in this fishwrap prose that puts this whole story in perspective. After boldly citing the district's need for additional revenue to "recruit promising new teacher and retain proven veterans", the Contra Costa Times' scribbler blurts out this inconvenient reality:
In other words, the school is losing that all important headcount money from the state and feds and needs to replace it. The reasoning behind this tax increase is quite simple: get people who don't own property to finance the schools their tykes attend on the backs of the district's property owners. Bold new concept. JULY 2006
Food Nazi Hell Source: St. Petersburg Times [07/29/06] Pinellas County's cess-schools have a rude shock for the inmates who enroll this year. The Food Nazi's are determined to make the dreaded cafeteria a fun food free zone. Hyperbole? Hardly, but don't take our word for it. Here are the spiffy Food Nazi facts as reported by the St. Petersburg Times: Elementary guidelines High school guidelines Obviously, these Florida Educrats have way too much time on their hands. It would be nice if, for a change, they put some quality damn time into teaching their captive audience such mundane topics as reading, writing and math. It would spiffy in the extreme if they stopped dithering with this Food Nazi crap and trained the young minds in their clutches in such irrelevant (their view) skills as critical thinking. I know, I know, I'm getting delusional again. I guess it's time to increase the voltage on my shock treatments. (BZZZZT! I'm feeling much better already.) Another Brainless Educrap Adventure The drama started last month when the nitwits running Henry M. Jackson High School in Everett (Washington) black flagged a musical group's decision to play an instrumental version of "Ave Maria". Alarmed that, some-damn-how, playing an instrumental version of this venerable number would inject "religion" into the graduation ceremony, the meatheads running Everett School District ordered the student musicians to find another number to play. This week, Everett schools chief, Carol Whitehead was far from giddy when one of the student musicians, 18-year-old Kathryn Nurre, lawyered up and sued the school district and Ms. Whitehead for infringing her free speech rights under the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Unhappy about being in the bull's-eye again - it's not the first free speech lawsuit aimed at Everett School District - Ms. Whitehead is busy trying to spin the asinine decision, with little success. Thus sayeth this pagan scribbler: An instrumental version of "Ave Maria" is not an overt intrusion of religion into a graduation ceremony. A Steaming Educrap Load Self-esteem on steroids just made landfall in the U.K. Calling upon the services of a Yank self-esteem guru - University of Pennsylvania Professor Marin Seligman - the Brits are mounting a full court press to fight "a huge rise in depression, self-harm and anti-social behavior". According to the Independent, this feel good Educrap will entail:
Brit tykes still won't be able to read, write or compute, but they're gonna be happy campers because the Nanny State demands it. How serious are these Brit knuckleheads about this self-esteem bovine excrement? Very and we can prove it. A taxpayer funded dolt named Lord Layard has been appointed the Government's "Happiness Tsar". "Well, Duh" of the Week The Eggheads in a University of California bright bulb cabal called Policy Analysis for California Education came to the stunning conclusion that states are dumbing down their state run assessment tests to meet "No Child Left Behind" requirements. The smoking gun on this assertion - as if we needed one - involves a nationwide scholastic assessment test called the National Assessment of Education Progress (NAEP) test. Here's the down an dirty as presented by Bloomberg:
A Department of Educrap spokeswench covered W's flank by trying to slay the messenger:
The best line in this piece belongs to a former U.S. Education Department official who helped set up No Child Left Behind in the first place:
Grudgingly, voices in the Bush administration admit that the disparity between NAEP and the state tests requires some attention. It would be nice if some-damn-body, admitted that a one size fits all solution, administered from D.C. just can't work. All they managed to do with No Child Left Behind is create a giant numbers game in which the best numbers manipulators are rewarded with our stolen tax dollars. Too Smart in Britain Katie Merchant did a header in to Educrap hell when she took her a "mock Latin exam" to practice for the real thing. Despite getting the highest grade possible, she still got marked down because - we're not making this up - her answer to one question was "too sophisticated". In other words, the test administrators marked her down because her answer was way over their heads. When she complained to her teacher, he confirmed her worst fears, explaining that the test administrators are marking papers in subjects that they don't fully comprehend. They expect certain "mechanistic" responses, and get very annoyed when a student strays "outside the box". Katie is far from thrilled about this "you're too damn smart" crap: "I feel the entire exam structure is geared toward the standardization of each pupil regardless of individual ability and find this most discouraging." JUNE 2006
Not Your Daddy's "Tag" Source: Golden Oinks 2006 [06/30/06] A 14-year-old Bell Middle School inmate - Cole Sharp - landed in Zero Tolerance Zombie hell this week, over a thrilling playground game called "Boob Tag". Boob Tag is a spiffy playground game that involves "choosing who's it by couching a breast" (Scripps Howard News Service). Despite PIG's enthusiasm for boob tag, there are some who find it an intolerable sexual assault on teenage wenchlets. Our young hero found that out the hard way, when he landed in the zero tolerance doghouse after a wenchlet reported him to school authorities. We're amazed to report that school officials investigated the game and determined that there was no proof of "unlawful sexual contact". According to certain rational adults, the girls in the game - they call themselves "The Bisexuals" - volunteered to play the game. Also, there is considerable doubt that the girl who complained was ever touched by the lad. Despite the well-documented fact that nobody got hurt, the lad still landed in zero tolerance hell. We know what you're thinking but the school officials aren't the ones who nailed him. It was the Golden (Colorado) cops who went bonkers after a routine report from the school's resource officer hit their "in" basket. Getting Too Real in Beserkeley? This story could only happen in Beserkeley (Mexifornia). Why? We'll begin with the fact that Berkeley High School has its own African-American Studies Department. Furthermore, this properly-hyphenated Educrat cabal perpetrates an annual ain't it grand to be melanin-enriched extravaganza called its "Celebration of Excellence". As fun as this sounds it gets better, because the Chairman of BHS's African-American Studies Department, Rev. Robert McKnight, decided to have his chum, L.A. based Rev. Manual Scott Jr. give the keynote address for this properly-hyphenated feel good festival. So far it's all very spiffy, but there's big fun on the horizon. The jaws dropped during Rev. Scott's address when he warned the students in the audience about the hazards that lay ahead. After warning them to "watch what you put into your system", he identified some of the temptations that lurked in the real world: drugs, adult beverages, promiscuity, homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality. You don't need a text message from Nostradamus to predict that good reverend's Evangelical themed address hit a very sour note with the usual suspects:
Underwhelmed by the furor, Rev. Scott gave this stop the presses quote to the Berkeley Daily Planet during a phone interview:
If Reverend Scott's biblically correct prose is 'hate speech', the Beserkeley pinheads are much more detached from objective reality than I dared to dream. Call us names if you must, but this Berkeley panty twister is amusing, in the extreme, because this festering wound is self-inflicted. Brit Zero Tolerance Doubleheader Showing the Colors Chaste and Damn Proud of It The "purity ring" wearers challenge this ban on their purity rings then go on to cite the fact that the same school allows Muslim and Sikh pupils to wear headscarves or kara bracelets as a means of religious expression. Why, they ask, aren't school officials willing to view their purity rings in the same way, as a form of religious expression? We don't know, but allowing a purity ring strikes us as "no harm, no foul". Zero Tolerance Nails Art Teacher By all reports - students, fellow teachers and administrators concur - Tamara Hoover is an exceptional art teacher who has a gift for tapping into her Austin (Mexas) government school students' creativity. If a student has a shred of artistic ability, Tamara Hoover will maximize it. Despite her stellar teaching credentials, Tamara is fighting for her job because she posed for some "artistic", topless photos that can be viewed at the Flicker Internet site. For those frantically trying to link with Flicker, here's what you'll find:
Harmless stuff? Yup, in a rational world but it's "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" porn as far as Austin High School's pinheads are concerned. Spouting drivel about "violating the higher moral standard" expected of a government cess-school teacher, the school district is going after Tamar with a vengeance. In addition to banishing her from the school's classrooms, the district is trying to yank her teaching certificate, a move that would banish her from all Mexas classrooms, until hell freezes over. Overkill? You better damn believe it, but par for the course in the Lone Star State. Government Cess-School Yearbook Speed-Bumps Northport (New York)
Granted, neither quote rises to the level of certain PIGish prose, but neither is, in and of it self, worth the fuss, until you consider the source. In this case, the name of the infamous tome is "Mein Kampf" and the individual cited is Adolph Hitler. School officials admit that there's no rule that mandates an official review of the quotes inmates choose, but they decided to apologize to parents anyway, just in case. At present, there aren't any plans to punish the two lads. Phillipsburg (New Jersey)
"I see London. I see France. I see the page 224 hottie's underpants"? Not anymore, sporty and that's a damn shame too, because this year's Phillipsburg High School yearbook had distinctly PIGish best seller qualifications. Life is so goddamn unfair that way. Bummer, and you can quote me. Class Cutting 101 Buffalo's government schools are, as the Tome says, reaping what they have sowed when the city's government schools changed the rules of grading engagement for the 2005-2006 cess-school year. In bygone days, the school's final exams could count for as much as 25% of the student's grade. Deeming that system uncool for school, Buffalo's Educrats devised a new system. Under this year's scheme, the student's final grade is the average of the grades achieved during the school year's four marking periods. What, you ask, is wrong with that? Nothing, and everything. The most vital fact you need to know is this gem: the lowest grade permitted during a given marking period is 50. This means you can skip the whole term and still get a 50. The next essential fact is what constitutes a passing grade. In Buffalo's government schools that's 65. Now, for the fun facts. Students have done the math and learned that if they attend the first two terms and pull in at least 80 in each term, they can skip the entire second half of the year and still pass with a 65 (80 + 80 + 50 + 50 = 260; 260/4 = 65). Does this mean that students are skipping class in droves? You better believe it, 'self-inflicted educrap wound' Sparky. When assessed for the term ending March 31, 12 of the 13 Buffalo schools had lower attendance than they did during the same term last year. Buffalo's school board is "discussing it", but don't hold your breath waiting for anything rational to come of it. File this under, "why Johnny is never going to learn to read in Buffalo", in your government cess-school news archives. The School Sabbatical Scam If you're in Brooklyn and keep hearing a loud, clanging sound, don't be alarmed, it's coming from Thomas Everett's big brass nads. This brass nads adventure started when Mr. Everett asked for an unpaid 60 to 90 day leave from his teaching job at Sheepshead Bay High School. His need for the brief sabbatical arose from Mr. Everett's "problems with the state of New Jersey Judicial System." His request for a leave of absence continued with this tidbit: "I must fulfill an obligation to the state. Upon completion of this obligation, I will return to work." What Mr. Everett didn't find noteworthy is the fact that his "obligation to the state of New Jersey Judicial System" involved "go to jail, directly to jail". Big, big fun. Thomas Everett has, we're pleased to report, been fired and banned from working in the teaching profession, now that the school is up to speed on Brass Nad Tommy's antics in The Garden State:
He started fulfilling his obligation in January when he began serving a 3 year prison sentence. In May, he was given "supervised home release". Believe it or not, he didn't greet the New York Daily News reporters who visited his home with opened arms. After a spell in the graybar, you'd think he'd be delighted to talk to anybody who isn't named "Bubba". Adventures in Zero Tolerance Chicago (Illinois) Eventually, a kind hearted parent spotted Maquisha outside in her cap and gown then let our heroine in through a side door. Relieved, Maquish took her place with her class, but the drama was far from over. When the zero tolerance zombies spotted Maquisha in the auditorium, they dispatched the dean of discipline, David Shrader, to tell her that the matter was not over and he was right. After the graduation ceremonies concluded, Maquisha was arrested on charges of criminal trespass and disorderly conduct then carted off to the "welcome new graduates" suite of the local graybar. Warren (Mexas)
The school assures Michelle that she will get her diploma, but not until they're good and ready to hand it over. These Lone Star State Zero Tolerance Zombies need to have their nads buzzed with a cattle prod for a couple, decades, until they understand that graduation night is full of excitement for those students who made the cut. Don't make us come down there, "graduates must act like mind numbed robots" Sparky. Educrap News Briefs Hartford (Connecticut) This week, the fun kicked into high gear when Matthew arrived in Superior Court to answer charges that he violated a state law that makes it a crime for a teacher to have sex with a student, even if the student in question is above the states age of consent. Since his teenage squeeze had reach the ripe old age of 16 - making her street legal, consent-wise - Matthew challenged the law, claiming that it's a state infringement on his right to privacy. In other words, since she is, legally speaking, old enough to say yes, it's none of the state's business what consenting "adults" do in the privacy of their bedrooms. The state counters with the quite reasonable contention that the teacher in a teacher-student relationship is in a position of power, making the student's "consent" questionable. Is Matthew boldly going where no teacher should be allowed to go? You better believe it, big, clanging brass nads Sparky. Naples (Florida) MAY 2006
A Zero Tolerance Daily Double Source: PIG News Wire [05/23/06] Libertyville (Illinois) It's more than a little ironic that these free speech hating Zero Tolerance Zombies live in a town called "Libertyville". It's disgusting that these Educrats dare to take their asinine antics where they damn sure don't belong in their mindless zeal to impose "order". We are, as you'd expect, profoundly unamused. Lower Burrell (Pennsylvania) The student in question will have ample time to ponder the "what the hell are they smoking" question during a three day suspension. Educrap News Briefs Happy Crack Faster than you can say "drug bonkers" the young capitalists were suspended by school officials for "imitating drug activity". When the relevant rational adults kicked up a fuss, the Zero Tolerance Zombies scurried for cover. But, we're pleased to report that at least one member of the Penn Hills School District's school board is on the record as saying that the young capitalists didn't do anything wrong. She saw the mixture and decided that it looked like the stuff inside Pixy Stix candy. How the hell did a rational adult get on a school board? Enquiring minds want to know. Smuggling Crackdown Ketchup became a "controlled substance" when school officials got fed up with students who think it's big time fun to stomp on ketchup packets. Under the new rules, students are allowed a maximum of three ketchup packets per burger. If that quantity proves insufficient, additional ketchup packets can be purchased for 25 cents, each. Unwilling to endure this highway robbery, students are fighting back by bringing the aforementioned ketchup bottles. Additionally, certain student capitalists are selling ketchup packets below "market value" by charging 25 cents for three additional packets. Instead of touting student ingenuity, school officials blither about bottles of ketchup being a "health code violation" and a source of an even bigger mess. File this epic under "sanity surrenders at Chandler Basha High" in your Educrap News archives. Amazing Educrap Adventures Raleigh (North Carolina)
For those keeping score, Ryan's Zero Tolerance infraction is as follows: "Behavior which is indecent, overly affectionate or of a sexual nature in the school setting". Ryan's gotcha, and it seems like a valid one, involves signing a form on which indicated "the conditions under which a student could be off campus during the lunch hour, and made it clear that school rules applied while the student was off campus". The 10 day suspension from school is the least of Ryan's worries. Getting within hailing distance of his main squeeze without her dad kicking his butt is the real threat to Ryan's health. Portland (Oregon) Eradicating the "play" from the playground isn't enough for these Educrat worrywarts. They won't stop until they've removed all the fun from childhood. We are, as expected, so profoundly unamused it can't be quantified. Gwinnett County (Georgia) The pious Peach State woman, Laura Mallory insists:
School Board member, Carole Boyce counters:
PIG News has the nads to ask the essential question: How did rational adults wind up on the Gwinnett County school board? It's "go figure" time in the PIG newsroom. Sacramento (Mexifornia) Where does this lead, and how do we resolve it? PIG has been there, done that on the home page of its Educrap section. Scroll down to "A No Bullshit Solution For Amerika's Educrap Debacle". It's never a good thing when the Nanny State lives down to our darkest fears. We are so unamused it can't be quantified. Smithtown (New York) Some St. Patrick's School third graders got a very special visitor this week, when their pen pal, Sgt. Travis Collier, returned from from Iraq on a two week leave and made a special trip to Smithtown to think his young pen pals for their letters. The tykes, as you'd expect, were thrilled, and so, it seems was Sgt. Collier.
The story begins last December when one member of Mrs. Perri's third grade class, Holly Hayban, expressed a desire to correspond with a soldier in Iraq. Her mother suggested a co-workers son, Travis, who is currently serving in Iraq. Armed with Travis's address, Holly began sending him letters, then sharing his replies with her classmates. From there, Travis became pet project of the whole class, and, to his credit, Sgt. Collier took the time from his duties to respond to each of the student's letters. Those letters, filled with questions about his favorite color (red), or the name of his pet (a mutt named Rufus) provided Travis with a welcome link to the world he left behind. Utterly devoid of politics, or questions about the war, the letters were such a delight that, the moment he got home in San Diego, Travis hopped on a plane to visit his young friends in Smithtown. PIG salutes Sgt. Collier for his service to his country and his dedication to his young friends in Smithtown. Make no mistake, Sgt. Collier has "the right stuff". Geographically-Challenged The News Nitwits have everyone expressing shock and dismay over the results of a recent survey carried out by the National Geographic Society. According to this survey, 6 out of 10 Americans between 18 and 24 can't find Iraq on a map. Given what passes for government schooling in America, why is this shocking? The big shock here is that, despite Educrats best efforts, 4 in 10 could find Iraq on a map. PIG demands Senate hearings, stat! A Reality Check in The Bay State Some Wellesley College wenches got a reality check when they took some of their campus antics onto the streets of Wellesley. Armed with chalk, and having too much time on their hands, the wenches spent the evening scribbling peace signs and quotes from Ghandi on the city's sidewalks. Satisfied that they'd served up enough enlightenment for one evening, they returned to their Ivory Tower digs, but the fun was just getting started. A citizen followed them back to campus, wrote down their license number then notified the police about their antics. Faster than you can chant "no blood for oil", a Wellesley P.D. detective had one chalk wrangler - Hadley Smith - on the phone, telling her to haul butt to the scene of the crime, or else. When Hadley arrived, the cops told Hadley and her pals that they had two options, neither of which was open for discussion: clean the scribbles off the sidewalk, or get arrested. When Hadley tried to discuss it - she claims she needed more information on the charges - the cops black flagged her prose and hauled her peace wench butt to the slammer. As a result of this incident, the Eggheads at Wellesley are holding meetings to discuss it. Among other things they might want to mention that scribbling on the sidewalks, on campus is okey dokey, but the same action on the streets of Wellesley is a crime called "defacement and tagging public property". Welcome to the real world, Hadley. APRIL 2006
Zero Tolerance Strikes Again Source: Greenville News (South Carolina) [04/28/06] Two inmates at the Greenville Middle School did a header into Zero Tolerance Zombie hell when a school resource officer (a campus cop) busted them for - drum roll - gambling. We know what you're think and we're ashamed of you, high stakes Sparky. The lads - one age 12, the other age 15 - weren't running a Texas Hold 'em game, shooting craps or making book on the ponies. Nope, they were arrested and charged with violating the city's gambling ordinance for - we're not making this up - flipping coins. Under the city's gambling edict, a conviction carries a $295.50 fine or 30 days in the local graybar. A gambling rap for flipping coins? That's Zero Tolerance Zombie instanity on a mind-boggling scale. Ivory Tower Whiners The Marxist meatheads in UCLA's 'Coke Free Campus' cabal want to ban Coca-Cola from the Westwood campus, because these capitalism hating college cretins blame Coke for Columbia's civil war. According to an item in the Daily Bruin, many of the attendees at a Coke-bashing campus rally had no idea whatsoever why, or how, Coca-Cola was to blame for Columbia's political turmoil. They just "knew" that Coke has a bottling operation there, so, it must be Coke's fault, some damn how. These Marxist meatheads got a reality check when, at a meeting that aired both sides of the issues, some informed, eyewitness, speakers laid the truth on them:
We're far from shocked that these capitalism-hating meatheads flaunt their ignorance. Maybe we're jaded but we're not the least bit surprised by the way these whiners privately admit that Coke wasn't to blame, then publically accuse Coke of everything from global warming, to the price of gasoline in Westwood. That's what passes for critical thinking in America's Ivory Towers. Educrap News Roundup Lawrenceville (Georgia) The spiffiest tidbit about this concerned mother's complaint is the fact that she's basing her assessment of "Harry Potter" on hearsay, since, by her own admission, she never read one word of any "Harry Potter" book. The most disagreeable fact in this fishwrap spew is this: Gwinnett County School officials took this woman seriously and scheduled a meeting on the fate of "Harry Potter" in Gwinnett County cess-schools. Waukegan (Illinois) If you think that sounds tame for a "racist" incident, there's one additional fact you need to know: Alicia Hardin is, by reason of birth, melanin-enriched. Does that make her a "self-hating" melanin-enriched dolly? Nope. It makes her a wench who hated school and thought the racist terror that she spread at the school would prod her parents into letting her drop out. Rowan County (North Carolina) If you're thinking that this "you're so outta here, Gay-Straight Alliance club Sparky" is destined to do a header into the justice system, we tend to agree. Several Tar Heel State cabals are gearing up for a court fight. These include, the North Carolina infestation of the ACLU, a local "can't we all get along" outfit named the National Conference for Community and Justice, plus a GLAAD BAAG group named PFLAG (Parents, Framilies and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Based on the justice system track record, a "targeted" club ban usually gets nuked, but a generic "all clubs are heretofore banished" edict will pass muster. The fun is just getting started, so stay tuned PIGsters. Afterthoughts: Carriere (Mississippi) We're outraged over this Zero Tolerance Zombie roadblock across true love's highway, but what really pisses us off is the way these Educrat scumbags are dissing a brave Marine who is set to defend our liberty in Iraq. We can't undo what they've done, but the entire PIG staff can, and does, thank Christopher Raffo for his service to his country. We'll keep him in our thoughts during his tour in Iraq and wish him a safe return to the love of his life, Leah Lott. Assorted Educrap Episodes Westminister (Colorado)
Leaving nothing to chance, Attorney General Suthers prodded Colorado's Commissioner of Educrap, William Moloney, into sending a copy of the relevant state law to every cess-school superintendent in the state. Albany (New York) This week, a federal judge ruled that the school violated the first amendment rights of the individuals who donated the banned bricks. As a result, the school is ordered to restore the bricks to their rightful place on the school's walkway. Does that settle the matter? It should, but don't bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor on it. Afterthought: Montgomery County (Maryland)
In order to seal the deal on Community Service, the cess-school inmate must perpetrate this "voluntary" service, outside normal school hours and away from the cess-school campus. No wonder Johnny and Susie can't read, write, or compute at grade level. They're much too busy getting indoctrinated in the latest lefty brain-fart. File this gem under "your tax dollars at work". Rochester (New York) Wichita (Kansas) PIG salutes Randy Mousley for daring to stand up for real science by posting the Flying Spaghetti Monster's image. Furthermore, PIG salutes Principal Kenneth Jantz for ignoring Ayatollah Morris's asinine antics. With that out of the way, we're compelled to ask the burning question: How did two rational adults slip under the Educrat radar and end up toiling away in public educrap? An even bigger mystery is this: What are two rational adults doing in supernaturalism plagued Puritanica (Pagan-speak for the state formerly known as Kansas)? Zero Tolerance Zombie Sightings - Domestic Warren Township (Indiana) The instant he got to school, Elliot headed straight to the school's office which is just inside the school's door. Once there, he gave the knife to school treasurer Teri Donahue and explained how he'd accidentally brought it to school. When news of Elliot's actions went up the administrative food chain to the principal, Jimmy Meadows, that fool went Zero Tolerance Zombie bonkers. Principal Jimmy suspended Elliot for 10 days, then started the paperwork to expel Elliot. These antics would make sense if Elliot was a known troublemaker, but he's far from that:
This Zero Tolerance Zombie asshat, Jimmy Meadows, has a mindless obsession to ruin an outstanding student's education with these asinine antics. Despite this asshat's admission that, "throughout the entire investigation and student due-process, Elliott (sic) was a model student", Jimmy "Moron" Meadows persists in his insane persecution of an exceptional student. He insists on expelling a stellar student who did the right thing after accidentally bringing a knife to school. Jimmy is the posterpunk for what's wrong with American's government cess-schools. Greenwood Elementary School (Massachusetts) After meeting with Greenwood's Zero Tolerance Zombies, Savannah's parents pulled their daughter from the school. Greenwood's educrats deserve a bitch-slapping for turning a playground hug between two 5 year olds into a disciplinary infraction. MARCH 2006
Zero Tolerance Zombies Source: PIG News Wire [03/25/06] Lorain (Ohio) A Lorain educrat - Dean Schnurr - insists that browbeating a lad into signing this form without his parents present is no big deal. The lad confessed to his sins, so who gives a damn if he understood why he was in trouble, what he was signing or why he got sent home. The lad's parents are - quite understandably - pissed, and I don't blame them. They're planning to pull their children from the Lorain school system immediately and enroll them in another school system. Hopefully, the new school can undo the damage done to this bewildered 8 year old lad. When your school system starts charging second graders with sexual harassment it's time to bulldoze the damn school because the educrats infesting it are doing more harm than good to the young minds in their charge. Chapel Hill (North Carolina) Ignoring the fact that all the students named granted the student fishwrap interviews and signed off on the use of their names, Smith Middle School's assistant principal went non-clinically bonkers and impounded all copies of the student fishwrap because naming names - with or without the namee's permission - is a no-no at Smith. The lone voice of reason comes from Chris Roush, a UNC-Chapel Hill journalism professor and the official advisor for the Cyclone Scoup:
The final pertinent fact is this: Roush's department at UNC-Chapel Hill prints the paper and pays the printing costs, so no school money is used for this adventure in student journalism. This just in! Free speech is on life support at Smith Middle School. Bunny Bonkers The fly in the ointment for a TVF (Traditional Family Values) wench named Ellen Greene is 'Playboy's' bunny logo - the stylized profile of a rabbit's head that signifies Hugh Hefner's magazine. For Ellen the fun started when her 10-year-old son came home with a doodle drawn by a counselor at Woodrow Wilson Elementary School. The drawing seemed innocent enough, to a rational adult: it showed an earring worn by a classmate of the lad's, that had the word "LOVE" spelled out. The element that launched Ellen Greene was the Playboy bunny head that replaced the letter "O". When the lad asked what it meant, mom achieved escape velocity:
When asked about the infamous bunny logo, the school's principal, Robin Welch refused to comment, but did opine that 'school policy includes a dress code which would include the bunny logo' (Herald). Will the bunny logo turn wenchlets into loose women? Will the bunny logo send prepubescent lads into a sexual frenzy? Will Ellen Greene take a chill pill and get over herself? The answer to all three questions is "nope". Nursery Schools Go Korrectnik Bonkers "No one should feel pointed out because of their race, their gender, or anything else." (Stuart Chamberlain) At Stuart Chamerlain's behest, the pinheads infesting the Family Center in Abingdon (England) and the Sure Start Center in Sutton Courtenay changed the words to 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to "follow stringent equal-opportunity rules" (Duluth News-Tribune). On the statistically daunting chance that someone might be offended by "Baa Baa Black Sheep", the words have been changed to "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep". One of the UK's besieged rational adults, Laura Midgley, co-founder of the Brit "Campaign Against Political Correctness", gets it, when it comes to this fetid foolishness: "This makes an issue about the color black when there should not be one. It's just a color at the end of the day." In addition to "rainbow" sheep, Stuart Chamberlain has the tykes venerating "sad", "blue", "pink", "happy", "hopping" and "bouncing" sheep. Big fun, but Stuart betrays a shocking ignorance of Baa Baa Black Sheep's origins. In reality, this venerable nursery rhyme is a commentary on a royal tax a king imposed on wool in the mid-18th century:
Stuart didn't get weird all by himself, he's following the superhighway size path worn by prior Korrectnik pinheads who tinkered with nursery rhymes. In 2003, the dipsticks running the Mothercare stores started selling CD's and cassette tapes of another Korrected nursery rhyme. Worried that its tragic ending would give a tyke a psychological boo-boo, Mothercare changed the words to Humpty Dumpty for a "happy ending": "Humpty Dumpty opened his eyes, falling down was such a surprise, Humpty Dumpty counted to 10, the Humpty Dumpty got up again." We'd like to think that Stuart Chamberlain got to be this big a fool all by himself. That may or may not be the case, but given the frequency of these Korrectness on steroid outbreaks in the UK, we're starting to suspect that somebody is adding mind-altering substances to the water supply. The Play's The Thing In Missouri Some Show Me State whiners from a Toll Booth named the Callaway Christian Church know what they like when they see it. Last fall they made it painfully clear that they didn't like the Fulton High's rendition of "Grease" because it showed teenagers smoking, drinking and kissing. This spring the school's drama teacher, Wendy DeVore, decided to put on a version of Arthur Miller's "The Crucible", a drama that takes place during the infamous Salem Witch trials. It's safe to assume the Toll Booth's caterwauling cretins had plenty to say about that, too, because Wendy DeVore was ordered by the school's principal, Mark Enderle, to "find a more family-friendly substitute". Translation: find some drama that doesn't set off the "handful" of whiners at Callaway, again. Wendy DeVore decided to go with one of the classics: Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream", a curious choice since it involves plot points involving suicide, rape and the loss of virginity. If that doesn't launch the Callaway whiners into Earth orbit, nothing will. We may not get the chance to find out, because Wendy DeVore has been informed that her contract is not going to be renewed. Teacher's Heroism Saves Student Lives The minute a gym teacher heard shots coming from inside Pine Middle School (Reno, NV), she rushed toward the sound. When she arrived in the school cafeteria, she spotted a 14-year-old student holding a gun, plus at least two students who had been injured during the punk's shooting spree. Determined to defuse the situation, the teacher engaged the lad - James Scott Newman - in a conversation:
Thanks to this teacher's courage and cool demeanor in a crisis, the injuries caused by the shooting spree were kept to a bare minimum: one lad got shot in the upper arm and chest, but didn't require hospitalization; a wenchlet incurred a 'superficial wound to the leg from shrapnel'. PIG confers Kudos on this courageous teacher who, quite literally, saved the day. Tar Heel State Educrap News Judge Brings Down the Gavel on Failing Schools Judges, quite reasonably, get hammered when they issue an asinine ruling, so it's only fair that we salute Judge Manning for lighting a fire under perpetually failing Educrats and demanding more bang for the taxpayers stolen Educrap dollars. Banned in Krzyzewskiville Since Tristan's game access requires someone else using his student I.D. card, Tristan might be in hot water with the Ivory Tower's officials. Since Tristan's "wound" is self-inflicted, we in full fledged gloat mode here in the PIG News bunker. Zero Tolerance Epics Costa Mesa (Mexifornia)
The fact that these Zero Tolerance Zombies want to expel this young anger-management poster punk is marginally newsworthy. What puts this epic squarely in the Zero Tolerance Zombie Zone is the fact that TeWinkle Middle School Educrats suspended 20 of their inmates who viewed the lad's "hate speech" posting. Holy overkill, Batman! Afterthought St. Claire Shores (Michigan) This Zero Tolerance Zombie adventure has a slight twist. Instead of an inmate, Lakeview High School officials nailed a teacher for a Zero Tolerance infraction. When some student journalists produced a program detailing the dangers posed by the MySpace Internet site, they decided to demonstrate the dangers by airing certain Zero Tolerance line crossing "photographs, language and music" on the cess-schools internal cable system. The teacher - the faculty advisor for these young journalists - became a Zero Tolerance Zombie victim in a heartbeat, when school officials treated her to tar and feathers then escorted her from the building. Okay, okay! We made up the tar and feathers part, but they did toss her out of the building. FEBRUARY 2006
Will UW Do Right By Pappy Boyington, This Time? Source: Seattle Times [02/28/06] Today, the Great Northwest Nitwits on University of Washington's student senate will try it again. They're set to consider a new resolution that would honor Greg "Pappy" Boyington and 4 other medal of honor winning UW alumni with an on campus memorial. Call us names if you must, but we wonder if this new resolution has anything to do with the outrage engendered when these UW lefties dissed a Medal of Honor winning marine? No matter how this vote turns out, at least one good thing came out of this self-inflicted UW wound:
It will be interesting to see if these rain-soaked left coast weasels do the right thing, this time, or they volunteer for another pummeling. As much as we enjoy kicking these UW dogs, we're mindful that Greg Boyington, and the other four UW Medal of Honor winners - 1st Lt. Deming Bronson; Brig. Gen. Robert Galer; 2nd Lt. Robert Leisy; and Private 1st Class William Nakamura - are past due for some respect from their alma mater. Do the right thing this time UW punks, or hunker down for Outrage II. Snowballs Get Students Suspended "Anything that disturbs that or disrupts that is inappropriate on a school campus. Anything that could cause injury, or could cause a student to get upset and instigate a fight, or damage students' personal property is just inappropriate behavior." (Ramona High School principal Mike Neece) Two Ramona High School (Riverside, Mexifornia) seniors decided to make their last year in government school bondage memorable by implementing a new senior year tradition. Michael Sepulveda and Daniel Zavala got up in the wee hours, raced up to nearby San Bernardino Mountains, loaded their pickup truck bed with snow, then raced to school for the first "bring Big Bear to Riverside" ritual. When the snow mixed together with eager government school inmates, a snowball fight broke out in the school's parking lot. That fast, our two heros landed in Zero Tolerance Hell for bringing dangerous objects - snowballs - to school. Daniel Zavala pointed out that the Ramona High student handbook does not pin a "zero tolerance uncool" label on snowballs, and he's right. Obviously, Daniel doesn't understand how Zero Tolerance works. Uncool for school is whatever a given cess-school administration says it is, a hidden trip wire that changes daily...hourly. For what it's worth "Bring Big Bear to Riverside" gets our vote, because, at for memorable moment in this pagan scribbler's life, he passed through Riverside. If ever a city needed a dose of Big Bear, it's Riverside. PIG News feels safe in predicting that Principal Neece is a slam dunk for this week's "Zero Tolerance Zombie of the Week" award. "Crusaders" In The Bull's-Eye at NNU Egged on by the blame-averting refuge of every gutless administrator - the "task force" - Northwest Nazarene University (NNU) trustees are thisclose to dumping their decades old "Crusaders" nickname. Vilified as "insensitive" and "inappropriate" - by Mecca Maniacs and those who worry about another "religion of peace" rampage - the "Crusaders" nickname is destined for extinction. The preferred choices - according to a WND piece - are Cavaliers or Knights, but we prefer the name suggested by NNU alum Robert Duncan. In a letter to NNU President Richard Hagood, Robert made this stop the presses suggestion:
Abolishing "Crusaders" is a gutless surrender to political correctness. It's also based on a shocking misreading of world history. You'd think that these Ivory Tower Eggheads would be up to speed on the historical fact that the Crusades were a belated response to the Islamikaze invasion and bloody conquest of the Middle East, North Africa, Anatolia, Spain and Eastern Europe. When somebody hits you first, you shouldn't feel ashamed when you hit them back, even when it's as badly bungled as the Crusdades. All things considered, we think Robert Duncan has it right. "Pansies" is the perfect name for these cringing, NNU Egghead cowards. University of Washington Disses Medal of Honor Winner This Korrectnik adventure started when UW senior (former Air Force weatherman) Andrew Everett suggested that the school honor WWII medal of honor recipient, Pappy Boyington, with an on-campus memorial. Although the idea was supported by 45 members of the UW student senate, it lost by one vote. Why? World Net Daily shared these putrid facts:
Pappy Boyington did more than turn Japanese pilots into the air warfare equivalent of "road kill". He spent 20 hellish months of non-stop torture and abuse in a Japanese POW camp. His service epitomizes service "above and beyond the call of duty", but don't try to convince these Amerika-hating, race-baiting UW peace pukes, because they can't be bothered. The members of the UW student senate who took a dump on an American war hero - especially Jill Edwards, Ashley Miller and Karl Smith - are beneath contempt. They deserve all the outrage that is headed their way. Update First Alex Kim, chair of the UW student senate - he cast the deciding vote against the Boyington memorial after the senate deadlocked on the issue 45-45 - tried to "clarify what actually occurred at the meeting in question". He needed to do this because the actions of the ASUW Student Senate last night have been greatly misrepresented to the student body and the general public". He then proceeds to try and spin items that are documented in the minutes of the meeting. When Alex's spin doctoring didn't pass the smell test, UW's acting Vice President for Student Affairs Eric S. Godfrey tried his hand at it. He commends the student senate in general and Senate Chair Kim in particular, after spewing drivel about a generic memorial the school erected to all the students who served in WWII. The money quote is this gem:
The two 'different' views that matter most both come from UW. The two versions in question are the official minutes of the meeting as posted by the UW senate and Alex Kim's pathetic attempt to evade his responsibility for helping defame a brave Marine. The items cited in the WND piece I used in the PIG News item come, directly, from the minutes of the UW senate debate. No matter how these UW cretins try to spin the story, they said what they said about...did what they did to...a Medal of Honor winner. Zero Tolerance Bonkers in Illinois A 12-year-old Aurora (Illinois) lad strayed into the Zero Tolerance bull's-eye when he brought a bag of powered sugar to Aurora's Waldo Middle School for his science project. In a fit of dubious humor, he showed the powder to his pals. When one of his chums asked our hero if it was cocaine, our hero told them it was, before adding "just kidding". Somewhere along the line, the "just kidding" part got lost when a school custodian reported the lad's comments to the local authorities. At press time, our young hero has been nailed with a two week suspension, a break he'll need to prepare for his justice system ordeal. That's right, Zero Tolerance fans, Aurora's drug war bonkers cops nailed this 12-year-old with a felony charge for "possessing a look-alike drug". A felony charge for a dubious joke and a bag of powdered sugar needed for a science project? What the hell are they smoking? If anyone needs to be investigated for possession - and use - of illegal drugs it's the justice system officials who perpetrated this legal farce. Pasco County Cess-Schools Go Censorship Bonkers Government cess-school Educrats continue to plunge headlong into matters that are, at best, tangential to their core - producing graduates who can read, write and compute - function. In addition to mounting a full court press against excess student tonnage - the great obesity obsession - cess-school Educrats are equally driven to expunge that schoolyard fixture - the bully - from student's lives. Normally, this involves adding "bullying", "intimidating" and the like to the school's zero tolerance trip wires. As fun as this makes life for your local bully, it's thisclose to being kicked up a notch or two in Pasco County. In addition to acting like a total butthead on school grounds, during normal school hours, Pasco County's schoolyard bullies can also be slammed into zero tolerance oblivion for their activities away from school. The name of this zero tolerance gotcha is "cyberbullying" and it's just as thrilling as it sounds:
The excuse for this exercise in free speech abridgement is a nifty Educrat mantra called "disruptive to the learning process". Elsewhere in the land of hanging chads, cyberbullying bans cite "threatening, abusive or obscene telephone conversations, electronic communications, electronic mail or voice mail". Other schools limit cyberbullying activities that occur on school grounds such as using a school computer to send cyberbully missives, or bringing 'harassing computer printouts or instant messages' to school. As far as we can tell, Pasco County is the first place where anything one of its inmates does in cyberspace - even if it's off school property and after school hours - might get him, her, himher or it black flagged as a cyberbully. The most troubling fact, aside from its free speech implications, about Pasco County's cyberbully ban is the low bar set by "disruptive to the learning process". In other words, a given student's freedom of expression is limited by any word or action that would disrupt the learning process of their most hypersensitive classmate. With a standard like that, it'll be a miracle if Pasco County has any inmates left when that morning bell rings. Jaw-Dropping Zero Tolerance Downey Elementary School (Massachusetts) principal, Diane Gosselin strayed into the PIG News bull's-eye with her jaw-dropping adventure in zero tolerance. This zero tolerance drama started during a harmless tussle between two first graders, when a 6 year-old lad responded to a wenchlet's touch by touching her back. Because, in the process, he touched the girl's waistband - hitting gasp her skin - the lad strayed into zero tolerance hell. The wenchlet complained to teacher; the teacher sent the lad to Principal Gosselin, and that fast, our clueless lad is dubbed a sexist piglet. What the hell does a 6 year old lad know about sexual harassment? Great zot, he's probably still calling what mommy and daddy do in the bedroom "mush". I don't blame his mother - along with every other rational adult - for being outraged over this asinine zero tolerance overkill. PIG News hopes she sues to socks off the school and that brainless wench who runs it. Update:
We're pleased that the lad is headed for a different school. The abject apology is nifty, too, but we still think that the lad's mother should take the school's pinheads to the cleaners. It's the best way we know to make them understand the errors of their zero tolerance ways. JANUARY 2006
Great Northwest Nitwit Food Fight Source: Seattle Times [01/30/06] Mark Morris High School in Longview (Washington) is reeling from a self inflicted reality check wound, now that the junk food banning chickens have come home to roost. After removing those dastardly snacks and soft drinks and imposing strict new menu requirements on the state's government cess-schools, the Food Nazis sat back to watch government schooled inmates shed that junk food induced tonnage. Curiously - predictably - things didn't turn out quite like they planned:
That's right, sports fans, fast food craving inmates ditch the cafeteria and walk across the street to the local mall where they get their preferred eats at places like: WinCo Foods, Starbucks, Pizza Schmizza and Quiznos. Big, big fun. Unable to see this coming, these food phobic fatheads shot themselves in the foot. Will they get real and give up their food fight? No way in hell, fast food craving Sparky. Brit Educrats Go Korrectnik Bonkers The Eggheads running a Brit Educrap cabal, the Jo Richardson comprehensive in East London, has Emerilized (kicked it up several notches) self esteem venerating Korrectness big time. In order to prevent their inmates from "feelings of victimization" this institute of (alleged) learning just ordered all its inmates to stop raising their hands when a teacher asks a question. The school's fearless leader, a pea-brained pissant named Andrew Buck is behind this lunacy:
Anyone who has escaped, relatively unscathed, from the K-12 thrill ride knows that the sharpest teachers rarely fall for the waved hands ploy. During my term in K-12 childcare, the teachers displayed an eerie knack for ferreting out those inmates who didn't have a clue about the topic. Most of my teachers were so tuned to their captive audience that they could even spot the hand waver who tried to beat the system by pretending to know the answer. If Mr. Buck paid more attention to hiring the right teachers, hand waving would be a non-issue. More Ivory Tower Korrectness Certain Ivory Tower Korrectniks at Bismark's (North Dakota) University of Mary are in a panty-wadding tizzy about their school's nickname. Some worrywarts in the school's religion and philosophy department fret that the current nicknamed "Marauders" conveys the wrong image, since it's steeped in - gasp - violence. This lunacy found a kindred spirit in athletic director Al Bortke:
If Al wants some suggestions for a new mascot, one that comes - for a suitable price - with its own imagery, PIG thinks that, all things considered, "Girliemen" is made to order. If anyone has Al Bortke on their speed dial, give him a call and aim him in our direction. Let's be real, the University of Mary Girliemen is damn near perfect. North Carolina's Educrap Catch-22 Certain North Carolina government high school inmates are in for a rude awakening when they get their grade cards. Thanks to a Nanny State Educrap glitch, as many as 80,000 high school inmates might be thrilled to see "Incomplete" where their grade should be. Why? It's a classic Catch-22.
According to the relevant Educrat bright bulbs, they'll issue the "Incomplete" riddled grade cards on schedule, then re-issue corrected grade cards, after the state gets done processing the standard tests. As fun as this sounds, it gets better, because eligibility for such extra curricular goodies as sports, academic awards and the like are based, to a large extent on the inmates' grades. File this epic under "Nanny State inefficiency strikes again" in your PIG News archives. Zero Tolerance Bonkers In Illinois McHenry (Illinois) Community High School Educrats insist that a 16-year-old lad's doodles make him a menace who must be expunged from the school before he inflicts unspecified harm on his classmates. His journey into Zero Tolerance hell started when an Educrat spotted a drawing that was instantly deemed "a gang symbol" in the lad's notebook:
Instantly, the Educrat assumed that the letters "D", "L", "K" referred, somehow, to local street gangs, "The Latin Kings" and "The Latin Disciples". The truth is not that sinister, and hardly a reason for this Educrat overkill. You see, PIGsters, the lad's full name is Derek Leon Kelly, so it's safe to assume that the D.L.K. he doodled in his notebook with such artistic flair referred to his own name, not some street gang. Elevating a cess-school inmate's doodling to an expulsion-class Zero Tolerance felony puts these Land of Lincoln Educrats at the head of the class when it comes to overkill on steroids. N.C. State Panty-Twister The Eggheads at North Carolina State are in a lather thanks to an item that ran in the N.C. State's fishwrap, 'The Technician'. We know what you're thinking and the prose in question has nothing to do with affirmative action, liberal-bashing, or separating a coed from her knickers. Nope, the topic that has everyone in a "how could this happen here" frenzy is drunk driving. For those who obsess on such trivia, here are the relevant Cliff Notes:
PIG feels safe in predicting that Columnist Jeff Gaither is a slam dunk for PIG's coveted "Politically Incorrect Fishwrap Writer of The Year". Educrap News Briefs Houston (Mexas) Edmonds (Washington) Will Mexifornia Withhold Diplomas for 50,000 High School Seniors? Mexifornia's State Superintendent of government schools, Jack O'Connell, sent the state's high school seniors a blunt, no nonsense message, yesterday: if you don't pass the state's exit exam, you won't get your diploma. No excuses, no exceptions. That message won't thrill the 50,000 high school seniors who haven't managed to pass this test yet.
If a senior can't cut it, Superintendent O'Connell is prepared to deal with that, too. He's asking 'the Legislature to help those students by expanding adult education, summer school and tutoring programs as well as paying for a year of independent study after 12th grade' (Chronicle). Given the government monopoly on educrap, Superintendent O'Connell's approach is probably the best Mexifornia citizens can expect. It won't shock us senseless if, due to political pressure from the usual suspects, Superintendent O'Connell, quietly, abandons this policy and resumes the time-tested "idiots with self esteem" scheme that gives everyone who shows up for the ceremony a diploma. Gamma Gamma Burka The coeds in the University of Kentucky's newest sorority, Gamma Gamma Chi, aren't your "Animal House" class party babes. In fact, "party girls" is the one descriptor that doesn't fit. Why? Gamma Gamma Chi is this nation's first Islamic sorority. That means - in case someone asks at your trial - no booze and no group fraternizing with the opposite sex. We're assured, by a Gamma Gamma Chi spokeswench, that these ladies know how to have a good time, but I'm not that gullible:
We know what you're thinking, dirty minded Sparky, but that's not what Ms. Collins meant when she made that remark about having fun with girls, without men being around. We should make you wash your mind out with soap, but we can't. At least one PIG staffer had the same twisted thoughts. As for Gamma Gamma Burka, PIG News rates this one a solid, "No harm, no foul". And here you were, worrying, needlessly. DECEMBER 2005
Asinine Egghead Antics Source: World Net Daily [12/20] Mexifornia Eggheads black flagged a Cross Cult group because, according to the Christian Student Association at California State University at San Bernardino's constitution, the group welcomed all the shades of the diversity rainbow, but reserved the right to exclude the differently-sexual and differently-religions. In other words, if you're a gay atheist, hit the road jack. CSUSB didn't go for it, insisting that the group must accept non-Christians and gays, who, somehow, managed to support the purpose of the group. I'd love to explain this Educrap bovine excrement to you, but I'm as clueless as you are on this one, Sparky FIRE - Foundation for Individual Rights in Education is involved now, and that's good news for the Christian Student Association. FIRE went toe to toe with other schools over the same, or very similar issues and came away with scalps from such Ivory Towers as Tuffs, Rutgers, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Purdue, Ohio State, LSU and assorted others too numerous to mention. It will probably take a while to get the undivided attention of these CSUSB Eggheads, but it's a slam dunk that, sooner or later, bitter reality will set in and they will "clear up this unfortunate misunderstanding". The fact is that political correctness on campus loses much of his power when the bright light of bad publicity is shined on it. When it comes to illuminated Egghead antics, FIRE is second to none. Judicial Insanity "[This Judicial Insanity] gives [Colonista government school inmates] a meaningless diploma that is a product of seat time rather than academic achievement. To tell these students that they’re going to get a diploma even though they can’t speak English and then have them compete in the economy is a terrible way to mislead the students." (Arizona State Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne) A federal judge nailed Arizona officials, plus every legal resident of the state, with a ruling that mandates increased funding for Colonista government school inmates who can't - won't is much more likely - learn English. U.S. District Judge Raner Collins gives state legicrats 15 days after the session begins in January to "properly fund English learners or face fines of $500,000 per day" (Tribune). In addition, and much more destructive to the nation that pays his goddamn wages, this black robed asshat laid this smack down on Arizona: "English learners do not have to pass Arizona's Instrument to Measure Standards to receive high school diplomas" (Tribune). The problem with "English learners" is largely self-inflicted. Their plight isn't exacerbated by a crippling lack of proper funding. Their fate isn't a dastardly plot by the Gringos to keep Spanish-speaking students down. Their fate is sealed by the incontrovertible fact that they don't give a rat's butt about learning English. Spanish works for their Colonista parents and it's just spiffy for them. Now, thanks to this robe-wearing rat bastard the state will be forced to pour more tax dollars down this Educrap rat hole, for nothing. Judge Collins just told every damn one of them that they get their high school diploma for registering their presence at roll call with a rousing "Si". If Judge Collins could find some excuse to put them on the Federal gravy train as soon as they graduate, life would be positively spiffy. Home Schooling In Unexpected Places Home schooling isn't just a whitey thing anymore, according to this Seattle fishwrap. For a variety of reasons, Melanin-Enriched parents are pulling Jamal and Darcel from government schools so they can teach them the essentials at home. The primary concerns expressed by these parents include the sorry condition of government schools, guiding their tyke's moral upbringing and preserving their cultural heritage. An Egghead named Michael Apple - he's an educrap professor at the University of Wisconsin - put it this way:
You won't need Nostradamus to predict that this growing home schooling movement isn't thrilling certain Educrats spitless:
The minute someone breaks free of their assigned victim group and starts to make sound, rational decisions as an individual, they're branded a race traitor by the usual Ethnocrat suspects. It's all the proof you need that individualism - thinking for oneself - is the mortal enemy of group think. PIG confers heartfelt kudos on those concerned parents who defy the group think morons to do the right thing, the necessary thing, for their children. |
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Copyright 1993-2006 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
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