 |
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
 |
|||
|
|||
|
PIG
NEWS DIGEST
| EDUCRAP
|
|
|
DECEMBER 2005
Asinine Egghead Antics
Source: World Net Daily [12/20] Mexifornia Eggheads black flagged a Cross Cult group because, according to the Christian Student Association at California State University at San Bernardino's constitution, the group welcomed all the shades of the diversity rainbow, but reserved the right to exclude the differently-sexual and differently-religions. In other words, if you're a gay atheist, hit the road jack. CSUSB didn't go for it, insisting that the group must accept non-Christians and gays, who, somehow, managed to support the purpose of the group. I'd love to explain this Educrap bovine excrement to you, but I'm as clueless as you are on this one, Sparky FIRE - Foundation for Individual Rights in Education is involved now, and that's good news for the Christian Student Association. FIRE went toe to toe with other schools over the same, or very similar issues and came away with scalps from such Ivory Towers as Tuffs, Rutgers, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Purdue, Ohio State, LSU and assorted others too numerous to mention. It will probably take a while to get the undivided attention of these CSUSB Eggheads, but it's a slam dunk that, sooner or later, bitter reality will set in and they will "clear up this unfortunate misunderstanding". The fact is that political correctness on campus loses much of his power when the bright light of bad publicity is shined on it. When it comes to illuminated Egghead antics, FIRE is second to none. Judicial Insanity "[This Judicial Insanity] gives [Colonista government school inmates] a meaningless diploma that is a product of seat time rather than academic achievement. To tell these students that they’re going to get a diploma even though they can’t speak English and then have them compete in the economy is a terrible way to mislead the students." (Arizona State Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne) A federal judge nailed Arizona officials, plus every legal resident of the state, with a ruling that mandates increased funding for Colonista government school inmates who can't - won't is much more likely - learn English. U.S. District Judge Raner Collins gives state legicrats 15 days after the session begins in January to "properly fund English learners or face fines of $500,000 per day" (Tribune). In addition, and much more destructive to the nation that pays his goddamn wages, this black robed asshat laid this smack down on Arizona: "English learners do not have to pass Arizona's Instrument to Measure Standards to receive high school diplomas" (Tribune). The problem with "English learners" is largely self-inflicted. Their plight isn't exacerbated by a crippling lack of proper funding. Their fate isn't a dastardly plot by the Gringos to keep Spanish-speaking students down. Their fate is sealed by the incontrovertible fact that they don't give a rat's butt about learning English. Spanish works for their Colonista parents and it's just spiffy for them. Now, thanks to this robe-wearing rat bastard the state will be forced to pour more tax dollars down this Educrap rat hole, for nothing. Judge Collins just told every damn one of them that they get their high school diploma for registering their presence at roll call with a rousing "Si". If Judge Collins could find some excuse to put them on the Federal gravy train as soon as they graduate, life would be positively spiffy. Home Schooling In Unexpected Places Home schooling isn't just a whitey thing anymore, according to this Seattle fishwrap. For a variety of reasons, Melanin-Enriched parents are pulling Jamal and Darcel from government schools so they can teach them the essentials at home. The primary concerns expressed by these parents include the sorry condition of government schools, guiding their tyke's moral upbringing and preserving their cultural heritage. An Egghead named Michael Apple - he's an educrap professor at the University of Wisconsin - put it this way:
You won't need Nostradamus to predict that this growing home schooling movement isn't thrilling certain Educrats spitless:
The minute someone breaks free of their assigned victim group and starts to make sound, rational decisions as an individual, they're branded a race traitor by the usual Ethnocrat suspects. It's all the proof you need that individualism - thinking for oneself - is the mortal enemy of group think. PIG confers heartfelt kudos on those concerned parents who defy the group think morons to do the right thing, the necessary thing, for their children. NOVEMBER 2005
Camouflaged Educrap Chaos Source: Lowell Sun (Massachusetts) [11/30] A wenchlet who likes to stay on the cutting edge of teenage fashion, high school junior Shilo Lewis, decided to thrill everyone at Lowell High School with her spiffy new head to toe camouflage outfit. Tastefully outfitted with a camouflaged bandana for her hair, plus a camouflaged shirt, jacket and pants, Shilo was a fashionable eye-catching feast. Unfortunately, her outfit caught the untrained eyes of Lowell High's administrative killjoys. That fast, Shilo's outfit was declared uncool for school and she was sent home to put on more suitable government cess-school attire. When challenged on this unfashionable decision, Lowell High's headmaster, Bill Samaras, insisted that his camouflage ban has nothing to do with the allegation that he's a Cindy Sheehan-class, military-despising peace punk. Perish the thought and shame on you for even thinking that about big bad Billy. Citing facts that nobody else entered into evidence, Billy insists that camouflage attire "has gang associations". It's curious - to say the least - that Billy is the only one in the Bay State that entertains this camouflaged gang attire delusion. Billy's antics are very damn suspicious, which explains why PIG News smells a peace punk who hasn't got the nads to admit it. Gotcha, Billy boy. A Clinton-esque Word Parsing Those pesky Montgomery County (Maryland) Educrats just got caught playing word games that make Bubba's prose parsing seem like kid stuff. It shouldn't shock regular PIG News readers to learn that this latest adventure in word-twisting involves the Montgomery County schools' sex educrap program. It might come as a thrilling surprise to learn that, in Montgomery County's alternative reality, there are, according to their sex educrap program, three forms of "abstinence". That's right "three". The three forms of abstinence are documented in something called the "contraceptive comparison chart". Using this chart, abstinence in triplicate is a featured attraction in the 8th grade health class at Herbert Hoover Middle School: Method One: Classic, keep it in your pants, Sparky, abstinence. Method Two: Pull before you pop, Sparky abstinence, I.E., "Withdrawal (ejaculation outside the body)" Method Three: That time honored Rosary True Believer gem, the rhythm system - no boinking during ovulation. PIG News is compelled to side with the two concerned parents who kicked up a fuss over this attempt to redefine reality. Call us names if you must, but anything that involves full fledged boinking isn't abstinence. And what, you ask, did the relevant Montgomery County Educrats say about this expanded definition of abstinence? See for yourself:
Okay, if I vow to abstain from smoking, but I light up anyway, I'm still abstinence cool if I exhale instead of inhaling all that tar and nicotine. Since I refrained from what I wanted to do, inhale that smoke, I'm smoking abstinence cool. Bold new concept. Student Fishwrap Black Flagged In Tennessee The Educrats running Oak Ridge High School (Tennessee) took one look at the latest edition of the student fishwrap - 'The Oak Leaf' - and went censorship bonkers. Leaving nothing to chance, school administrators searched high, low and in between for every last copy of the student newspaper. And what, you ask, set off this Educrat assault on free speech? As usual, we're all over it:
Superintendent Bailey decreed that the paper can be re-issued, after the offending articles are exorcized, but the Oak Leaf's student editor, Brittany Thomas shot down the idea, with the Tennessee teenager equivalent of "bite me". Give 'em hell, darlin'. Pennsylvania Snowman Ban Alarmed by the fact that a rapper named Young Jeezy links a venerable Christmas icon, Frosty the Snowman, with cocaine, Johnstown (Pennsylvania) Educrats black flagged some shirts depicting Young Jeezy's angry looking, drug dealing snowman. Leaving nothing to chance, Johnstown's government cess-school officials, subsequently, decided to ban all snowman depictions:
Apparently, Johnstown Educrats are convinced that the instant an inmate sees a snowman - any snowman - he, she, heshe or it will careen off the straight and narrow then become a lifelong drug monkey. This Educrat paranoia is understandable, since these alleged educators have spent years making these government schooled inmates incapable of making a reasoned decision about any-damn-thing. White Males Need Not Apply The Korrectniks running Washington State University's College of Education are so distressed by aspiring teacher, Ed Swan's, attitude that they tried to exile him to diversity training hell, after he 'flunked' four evaluations. Ed was also ordered to sign a Korrectnik agreement 'to respect community norms and appreciate diversity'. Terminally unthrilled, Ed responded with a virtual "bite me" by contacting FAIR (Foundation for Individual Rights in Education). The instant FAIR entered the fray, the College of Educrap Korrectniks went girlie and decided that Ed didn't need to sign the damn thing after all. Determined to press their Korrectnik agenda, WSU College of Educrap Eggheads insist that their antics make aspiring teachers cool for school:
If you doubt that the Educrap establishment is trying to impose a liberal agenda on government schools by selecting Korrectnik teachers, wake the hell up:
Ed's cardinal sin involves being an 'in your face' social conservative who dares to oppose gay marriage, affirmative action and the fetid notion that white males are the root of all that's evil in 'society'. WSU Eggheads simply won't tolerate teachers who don't understand that it doesn't matter if students can't read, write or compute as long as they're properly brain-washed by Educrap establishment's cultural Marxism. File this epic under "Why proudly-progressive, government-schooled Johnny still can't read". A Twilight Zone Election The candidate for one of the open seats on the Romoland School District board (Riverside County, Mexifornia) didn't make much of an impression during the candidate forums, and can't manage to attend the board's meetings, but he's got a good excuse: he's in the slammer. Randy Hale scored 831 votes despite the fact that he's a graybar hotel guest for violating his parole on 1998 convictions for spousal abuse and drug possession. His unlikely electoral adventure started in August when he declared his candidacy, but it took a sharp turn into the Twilight Zone when he returned to the slammer in September. Undeterred, the voters in this rural Riverside County district punched a chad for him anyway, because he sets such a good example for the tykes attending Romoland's government schools: "Be good, children or you'll end up in the slammer like School Board member Randy Hale." OCTOBER 2005
More Montgomery County Schools Fun and Games Source: The Gazette [10/26] Beset by properly-hyphenated whiners from African American Parents of Montgomery County, the Montgomery County Education Forum and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, Montgomery County (Maryland) Educrats are moving heaven and earth to make their gifted and talented student population more 'inclusive' so they can meet their census-data driven diversity goals. Before we get to their results, we need to wade through some essential facts about how the state of Maryland defines gifted and talented students:
After tweaking the system to be more inclusive, Montgomery County's cess-schools identified 33.8% (3,333 tykes) of the second graders subjected to this screening as gifted and talented. As staggering - not to mention improbable in the extreme - as that total is, it's down from last year's 44.5 percent, and worst of all, those so identified still aren't properly-diverse. It's crisis time, again, in Montgomery County. What to do? Fear not, they have a plan: heretofore the school system has used standardized tests, but they're making noises about doing away with all that and doing their own screening, to make sure they get that diversity figure back in line. See, and here you were, worrying, needlessly. I'm willing to bet that, under the new improved screening method, every properly-hyphenated inmate in the Montgomery County school system will be classified as gifted and talented. If you live in Montgomery County and send your kids to the government schools, get your tykes the hell out of there, today, before they do some permanent damage to the kid. These Montgomery County Educrats can't be trusted and that's a fact. Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Stupidity On Steroids Hylton High School in Woodbridge (Virgina) decided to gear up for their scheduled appearance at the Peach Bowl in Atlanta by learning a new song that mentions the Peach State in its title. The song in question, Charlie Daniels' "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", seems harmless enough, unless you're a certain pea brained woman who linked this country music classic to the First Amendment. Spouting drivel about the song violating the constitutionally-guaranteed separation of church and state, she demanded that the band dump Charlie Daniels' song like a bad habit. Playing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" violates the separation of church and state? What the hell is she smoking? That makes no sense at all to this pagan scribbler. Making this wench's whine that much more asinine is this tidbit: she has no connection whatsoever with Hylton High since she's home schooling her tykes. Adding the final indignity to this sorry epic, Hylton High's band director let this whining wench get away with this bovine excrement when he black flagged the song. Grow a damn spine, band director Sparky. Flag Phobic In Bridgeport When he refused to allow the Amerikan flag in his classroom, Stephan Kobasa got pink slipped by Diocese of Bridgeport's Kolbe Cathedral High School. According to Mr. Kobasa he's not an Amerika hater, but he does have certain 'issues' with this venerable national symbol because the flag violates his personal brand of supernaturalism:
That's thrilling, no doubt and he's free to believe anything he wants, but not on the Diocese of Bridgeport's dime. Among other things, the prevailing policy mandates a flag in every classroom, plus a reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance in every class, at the beginning of each school day. Needless to say, Stevie boy had issues with this, too:
The Diocese of Bridgeport had a counter-offer: "You're fired, flag phobic Sparky." Newly unemployed Stevie is confused, since, in his 25 year career as a teacher in parochial schools, he never had school officials nail him for his flag phobia. Obviously, Stevie isn't up to speed on a venerable private school concept: if you don't play by the school's rules, you're gone. Welcome to the real world Stevie boy. Another Montgomery County Whiz-A-Thon The last time PIG News checked in on these east coast lefties ("Montgomery County's On-Going Sex Ed Debacle", Sept 26) Montgomery County School officials were on final approach to appointing a new citizen advisory council to help them revive the controversial sex educrap scheme that a Maryland judge black flagged. Proving that there's no "happily ever after" forthcoming, the two sides in this fight are girding for battle over who gets to sit on the advisory board from the two groups that successfully shut down Montgomery County school's controversial sex educrap scheme. Operating from the far left corner, the school board and Montgomery County Schools Superintendent Jerry Weast insist that the agreement they hammered out with the two VRWC groups guarantees each group a seat on the advisory council. They want three names each from the two groups - Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum (CRC) and Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX). They, the Educrats, will pick one name from each group's nominees to fill the allotted advisory board seats. Operating from the far right corner, the CRC and PFOX concur on the fact that each group is guaranteed a seat on the advisory board. But, they are convinced that each group gets to determine who will represent it on the advisory board. The bone of contention boils down to a single word in the agreement: "nominees". How it got into the agreement is a tribute to Bubba Clinton-class, word parsing trickery:
That shyster "gotcha" virtually guarantees that this word parsing, sex educrap adventure is headed back to court - yes, again. Big, big fun. This never-ending Educrap drama is Exhibit 'A' in PIG's "why Amerika's one-size-must-fit-all, government cess-school scheme doesn't work and it never will". The Brit Food Nazi From Hell "Governors will have a new duty and will be responsible for the food that is served in their schools. Ofsted is going to inspect to make sure that schools are taking this duty seriously. There will be a law in place that says they have to make these standards." (Brit Educrap Secretary Ruth Kelly) If you think Amerika's government cess-school Food Nazis are out of control, you're in for a rude awakening. The Brit Educrap Secretary, Ruth Kelly, is so over the top with her Food Nazi antics she wants to bring Governors of schools that violate her strict "no junk food, no exceptions" decree up on criminal charges: [school officials who don't get with the program will be] "open to the same sanctions as anyone else who breaks the law". That's right PIGsters, we're talking graybar "whatever you do, don't bend over, ever" hotel status for Brit Educrats who don't meet or exceed her no junk food guidelines. I know what you're thinking, but the Brit tyrant has that covered too, more or less. She also imposed mandatory training for all "dinner ladies" with a course that is intended to kick up their "crucial skills" a notch or two. And what, you ask is on the, uh, menu, educrap wise? Wonder no more, because a Brit fishwrap, The Telegraph, shares this juicy morsel:
A mandatory class for cooks that doesn't include one syllable about food preparation? Sending school officials who serve their captive audience the junk food they crave to the slammer? That's straight out of the Twilight Zone, PIGsters. When our government cess-school Food Nazis hear about this...I really don't want to think about it. SEPTEMBER 2005
Zero Tolerance In Cornhusker Country Source: PIG News Wire [09/28] An Omaha public schools inmate, first grader Ethan Gray, landed in Zero Tolerance hell when a butter knife fell out of his totebag onto the Ed Babe Gomez Heritage Elementary School cafeteria floor. That fast, his fledgling academic career got side tracked to the school principal's office and a "the rules are the rules, no exceptions" suspension. Thanks to this innocent - not his fault - incident, he's permanently tarred with a "brought a weapon to school" blight on his school record. Unwilling to accept this asinine Educrat bovine excrement, Ethan's family is hanging tough. Until the school backs down and revokes the one day, in-school, suspension, they won't be sending Ethan to school. If you're thinking "the school will back down when Hell freezes over", join the club. You got shafted, Ethan, but there's not a damn thing any rational adult can do to save you from this Zero Tolerance insanity. Montgomery County's On-Going Sex Ed Debacle The pitched, culture war battle over Montgomery County's (Maryland) sex educrap scheme (Montgomery County Tweaks Its New Sex Ed Lunacy 04/23/05) continues to rage unabated, despite the legal setback that handed the differently-sexual dweebs in Teach the Facts (TTF) a bitter defeat (Montgomery County's Sex Ed Scheme Unravels 05/06/05). If you cut through all the blithering, the primary bone of contention continues to be the venerable "Nature vs Nurture" debate that pits the 'born that way' adherents in Teach the Facts against their determined 'it's a choice' foes in Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum (CRC). Here are some tidbits to give you the big picture:
The man in the middle is Montgomery County Schools Superintendent Jerry D. Weast, who dumped the old citizens advisory committee so he can guide the new sex educrap creation process, personally. On October 11, he will appoint a new citizens committee and hope this one helps him get 'er done, without another justice system bitch slap. PIG News will keep you updated when anything fun happens in this titanic, Montgomery County culture war tussle. Another Great Northwest Nitwit Lucas Schrader's cess-school career got derailed, temporarily, when his parents did a header into the Great Northwest Nitwit who ran Kent Mt. View Academy. The fun started at the end of the last school year, when Lucas' father found out that the Educrat teaching the 6th grade sex educrap class is differently-sexual. Mr. Schrader mentioned his concerns to the charter school's principal and in so doing sealed Lucas's educational fate. The principal, Debbie Dempsey, used a technicality - the fact that Lucas's parents live outside the school district and must reapply for admission before each school year - to eliminate what she perceived as a 'problem'. Seeking an impartial opinion, the Schraders took the matter to court where Administrative Law Judge Cindy Burdue gave Debbie Dempsey a resounding bitch-slapping:
PIG is pleased to report that Lucas is back at Kent where he belongs. It's nice to see these Korrectnik Educrats take one on the chin, for a change. Zero Tolerance In Oklahoma Three straight-A government school wenchlets who decided to celebrate their matriculation to the freshman class by dying their hair did a header into zero tolerance. It took a couple days to register with the Educrats that one wenchlet now had purple hair, another had blue hair and the third had red hair, but when it did, the Educrats went zero tolerance bonkers and sent the girls home. Since, according to school officials, the girls' absence from class is "unexcused", these exemplary students won't be allowed to make up assignments or tests missed while they're getting their hair restored to its proper color. As asinine as this is, this zero tolerance adventure gets worse, because it looks like school officials violated their own policy:
When parents tried to get some answers from the school's principal and/or superintendent they got stone-walled, or worse. The father of one girl got tossed out of a board of educrap meeting when he tried discuss the school's antics with the school's superintendent before the meeting started. Something is rotten in the Waukomis government cess-schools and it's emitting such a potent stench we can smell it here in the top secret PIG News bunker. Obesity Bonkers In Pennsylvania Pennsylvania's health department has a nifty little surprise in store for parents of the state's government school inmates when they get their offspring's first report card. In addition to inflated grades and insincere prose telling the parent that little Johnny or Sarah is the next Einstein, they'll also get a warts and all computation of the inmate's body mass index. Why? Because Keystone State Educrats are teaming up with the state's Fat Nazis to make everyone miserable.
If you live in the Keystone State and are trying, without success, to be thrilled spitless by this Nanny State bovine excrement, PIG News feels your pain. Government cess-schools are hard pressed to do the job for which they're paid - teaching their captive audience to read, write and compute - during the government's mandatory, 12-year long daycare scheme. If they were doing that job with thrilling efficiency, I might...might consider giving them a pass on this 'and we're keeping them lean, mean, learning machines, too' endeavor. Since that's not the case, Pennsylvania's rational adults should tell these Nanny State nitwits to knock off these diversions and do the job they're hired to do: instill knowledge in their government schooled inmates. Black Flagged For Kissing A 17-year old Golden State high school wenchlet named Charlene Nguon so thrilled the powers at Santiago High School that she got suspended, repeatedly, for swapping spit with her significant other. Eventually, Santiago High Educrats blacked flagged our heroine and exiled her to Bolsa Grande High for the final three months of the school year. And what you ask, is so newsworthy about Charlene's plight? For starters her significant other is a 16-year old high school dolly named Trang Nguyen. That's right, Charlene is an eager, and publically affectionate, lesbian. Up to here with Santiago High's shoddy treatment of her, Charlene finally pulled the trigger on a shyster assault to make them knock it the hell off. It probably won't shock our PIG News regulars to hear that she's enlisted the ACLU to do the heavy, shyster assault lifting:
For now, high school senior Charlene is back in class at Santiago High, but that could change in a heartbeat. If the school wants to make this all go away, they should issue strict "no public displays of affection on school grounds" rules of engagement and apply them equally to everyone on campus. We're not holding our breath for anything that rational, so we'll let you know if anything newsworthy happens. Check Your Flasks At The Door Sarasota County (Florida) Educrats are so unhinged by teenage boozing that they're proposing - we're not making this up - Breathalyzer tests on all cess-school inmates who attend ubiquitous school functions like dances and athletic events. Breathalyzer tests? Holy, not your daddy's high school, Batman! As irrational as these measures seem, at first glance, there's this tidbit to consider, before you declare these Educrats congenital morons:
Believe it or not, Sarasota County isn't the first place to adopt these measures. Similar measures are employed in such diverse places as Carlsbad, New Mexico, Little Rock, Arkansas, and a Boston suburb. Going to hell in a handbasket? You better believe it, Sparky. Duluth Deems Cellidiocy Uncool for School Duluth's Educrats made an unscheduled trip into rationality when they added a cellidiocy ban to their student handbook. Cell phones, and other, similar electronic blights are, henceforth, deemed uncool for school. The new rules state that they cannot be used inside the school building during normal school hours. Furthermore, this telecommunications pestilence should be turned off and kept out of sight. If a student uses his, her, hisher or its cell, measures will be taken, but the enforcement varies from school to school:
Some parents whine that these tough cellidiocy zapping measures are too Draconian and prevent them from reaching their tyke in case of those unforseen emergencies. These parental cellidiocy enablers need to increase the voltage on their shock treatments. Somehow, in those primitive times before cellidiocy swept across the land like a plague, parents and their tykes managed to surmount life's unforeseen speed bumps without these communications blights, so this new ban isn't a fate worse than death. File this epic under, "cellidiocy must die", in your pagan scribbler archives. Not Your Daddy's High School The inmates at Timken High School in Canton (Ohio) reset the bar for high school hijinks when an eye-popping 13% (64 of the school's 490 wenchlets) showed up for class...preggers. Holy rampaging hormone gorillas, Batman! Setting aside the obvious, immediate, cause of this preggers epidemic, we're left with this question: why are so many Timken High wenches getting urped? Buried in this New Max piece are these revealing tidbits:
I know what you're thinking but, in Joanne Hinton's case, absentee parenting isn't a factor. She insists that she questioned her daughter about doing drugs and/or having sex constantly - at least "45 times a week". If the kid lies to you about getting horizontal, what are you supposed to do? The critical factor here is that, at Timken High, abstinence-based sex ed isn't working, but, in all honesty, when those teenage hormones start raging, there's no stopping the inevitable, no matter what is taught in high school sex ed classes. If you want to play it safe, put your daughter(s) on the pill the instant those wenchlet nads become fully functional. It's not a sure fire fix, but it's the best I can do. AUGUST 2005
Lone Star State Zero Tolerance Adventure Source: Houston Chronicle [08/27] The dim bulbs running a Mexas cess-school - Resaca Middle School - put two new students in an isolated classroom because - we are not making this up - the lads' hair brushes their shoulders. The two lads in question - Rodney and Skyler Burns - tried to trump this zero tolerance lunacy with the salient fact that their long hair is culturally cool since their grandfather was a member of the Chickasaw tribe. Unimpressed, school officials seem determined to let the two lads languish in their isolation chamber until hell freezes over. Asinine? Oh hell yes. School officials insist that their irrational antics are not a slur on the lads' culture. The rules are the rules, sayeth these Zero Tolerance nitwits. These Lone Star State Educrats can call this bovine excrement anything that thrills them spitless, but it still reeks. No justice, no peace. NCAA Backs Down The NCAA's newly appointed appeals panel [NCAA Gets Wobbly, PIG News 08/20], rendered its first decision today when it removed Florida State University from the list of Ivory Towers sporting forbidden Siberian-American nicknames. If you crave the taste of NCAA crow, here's the relevant "oops":
Other schools in the hunt for some NCAA "oops" prose include, but may not be limited to: The Illinois Fighting Illini, Utah Utes and North Dakota Fighting Sioux. The review committee vows to deal with each appeal on a 'case-by-case basis'. If the NCAA goes Surrender Monkey bonkers with another white flag, PIG News will shout it from our top secret bunker's rooftop. NCAA Gets Wobbly Reeling from the pummeling it took from certain outraged Ivory Towers and rational adults from sea to shining sea, the NCAA decided to step back from the brink, ever so slightly, on its ban on Siberian-Amerikan imagery. The NCAA's baby step toward rationality involves appointing a committee to handle the formal appeals posted by such Ivory Towers as Florida State University. Will this baby step lead the NCAA a safe distance from the brink of knee-jerk Korrectness? Don't bet your life on it, gridiron Sparky. Today's "Well, Duh" Moment The pinheads in an Educrap cabal named the Center for Education Policy breathlessly report that students whose command of the English language is pathetic or non-existent have trouble passing standard government cess-school assessment tests when said tests are conducted in English. Call us names if you must, but we don't give a flaming damn that ESL (English as a second language) asshats who can't or won't LEARN THE DAMN LANGUAGE have trouble on standard tests conducted in English. A "Go Figure" Moment After President Bush pandered to his fervently pious right wing by opining that "Intelligent Design" belonged in government cess-school science classrooms, this pagan scribbler expected somebody to contradict this presidential notion. But, I didn't expect the voice of alleged reason to be a Theocon stalwart like Pennsylvania's Senator Rick Santorum.
Senator Santorum seems to understant that, in order to qualify as a legitimate "Scientific Theory", Intelligent Design must surmount the following hurdles:
Since Intelligent Design does none of these things, it's not science. It's Creationism masquerading as science and as such belongs in a theology - not a science - class. The breaking new here is that a Theocon like Senator Santorum had the nads to diss a VRWC sacred cow like Intelligent Design. For those cynics within the PIG News readership, I offer the requisite reality check. Senator Santorum's unexpected take on Intelligent Design has more to do with his 2008 Oval Office aspirations than it does with any deeply held fondness for Evolution. Also, he made his statements during an interview on the notoriously lefty National Public Radio, so you're free to take his public airwaves prose with the proverbial grain of salt. And here you were worrying, needlessly. A Hawaiian Panty-Twister Established in 1883 via the last will and testament of a Hawaiian princess, the Kamehameha Schools were set up to 'educate "the children of Hawaii"...' (AP). Under this private school's admissions policy only students who can prove Hawaiian lineage are allowed into its hallowed halls. That all came to a screaming halt this week, when the lawsuit perpetrated by a non-Hawaiian aspiring student landed in a federal court. This week, the 9th Circus Court of Appeals ruled that the private school's admissions policy was, unlawfully, discriminatory. This pagan scribbler won't argue that the ruling, undoubtedly, conforms to existing law. But, this pagan scribbler will insist, again, that anti-discrimination laws are a blatant intrusion on inalienable individual liberty. As a privately owned and operated institution, the Kamehameha Schools have the inalienable right to admit whomever they damn please and the Nanny State should butt the hell out. JULY 2005
Mexifornia Paints a Bull's-Eye On Soft Drinks Source: Sacramento Bee [07/26] Mexifornia's action hero governor channeled his Korrectnik alter ego this week when he signed a bill that extends the ban on soft drink sales in Mexifornia cess-schools to include the state's high schools. According to this lefty Mexifornia fishwrap, the bill would:
Mired in Korrectnik mode, the Terminator also gave his support to another bill, SB12, some proposed legicrap that would dictate strict nutritional standards for the food served in the state's cess-schools. This legicrap would impose what Food Nazis call the 35-10-35 standard - 35% of calories from fat, maximum; 10% of calories from saturated fat, maximum; 35% of its calories from sugar, maximum. I can't be the only one who thinks that the Terminator and the state's Marxist legicrats should spend more time worrying about imparting knowledge in the state's cess-schools and less time on such irrelevant crap as soft drinks and nutritional standards. It's Cool To Be The President's Brother Florida Governor Jeb Bush exploited one of the many, undocumented perks that come your way when your brother is president of the United States. After his state failed miserably to meet the No Child Left Behind scheme's testing levels, Jeb and his state Educrats did what hacks always do in such cases: When you can't meet the standard, lower it. For those who want the gory details, PIG News offers the following fun facts:
Flatly denying any special treatment for the presidential brother, the U.S. Educrap department tweaked the standards - but only for Florida - to allow the state to meet it's No Child Left Behind goals.
What lesson, you ask, do we derive from this adventure in brotherly cooperation? First, it's nifty to be the president's brother. Second, it's much easier to lower the standard than it is to impart knowledge to government cess-school inmates. We are, as you'd expect, so unamused it can't be quantified. San Bernardino Schools Embrace Ebonics It's called the "Students Accumulating New Knowledge Optimizing Future Accomplishment Initiative" and in the Brave New Educrap World promoted in this Southern Mexifornia city, it's the hottest new idea to Emerilize Melanin-Enriched student performance. Perpetrated by an Egghead named Mary Texeira, the aforementioned Educrap blight advocates teaching Melanin-Enriched students using Ebonics.
To make this scheme work, teachers will be trained in black culture and customs. Additionally, course material will be sugar coated with...stuff about "the historical, cultural and social impact of blacks in society". Jamal and Darcel still won't be able to read or write English, but they'll be hell in wheels in Ebonics. The bad news for Jamal and Darcel is that the marketplace isn't clamoring for workers who are fluent in Ebonics. The good news is that there might be a job in the San Bernardino School District for Black Studies Majors that doesn't include that well know Black Studies Degree mantra: "Yo! Do you want fries with that homeboy?" The
University of California's War On Excellence The University of California nuked scholastic merit - excellence - this week when this Mexifornia Ivory Tower cabal announced that it will stop awarding National Merit Scholarships to Amerika's top students. Why? Because the National Merit Scholarship system isn't properly diverse and we all know that human intellect must be - according to these Marxist eggheads - apportioned in accordance with each ethnic group's percentage of the population. Since the students who qualify for National Merit Scholarships aren't properly diverse, the pinheads at U.C. want no part of this - allegedly - racist measure of student excellence. You don't need to channel Einstein to deduce that the U.C. eggheads are in a huff because the National Merit Scholarship recipients include too many whites, too many Asians, and too few black, Hispanic and Siberian Amerikan (so-called Native Americans) students. Instead of giving these egregiously undiverse National Merit Scholarships to Amerika's top students, the U.C. Korrectniks want to flout existing Mexifornia law and reimpose race-based student quotas through the back door. They plan to 'get 'er done' by using entry screening scams that eschew test scores and grades in favor of "other academic criteria". The new enrollment policy at Mexifornia's taxpayer funded university system is the same as it has always been: White males need not apply and you Asians move to the back of the line." Coddling
Colonistas in Mexifornia Mexifornia's Marxist legicrats are running some Colonista coddling legicrap up the legislative flagpole that would, when enacted, make it okey dokey for the state's cess-schools to give Colonista students tests, in their native language, instead of English. We're assured that these tragic young victims of English Only oppression are virtual Einsteins, in their native language, a whopper that no Marxist legicrat is likely to challenge. So far, only one Mexifornia Educrat sees the stampeding stupidity here:
As usual, the motivation behind this fetid legicrat is monetary. Cess-schools with a critical, Colonista, mass of students who can't cut the mustard on the mandatory tests conducted in English will probably lose their federal money infusion. Since teaching these Colonistas to read, write, and think in English is a non-starter, Mexifornia Educrats plan to do an end run around the feds with this "why don't we test them in another language" scam that is a blatant violation of Mexifornia law. This pagan scribbler is convinced that there's nothing wrong with the Mexifornia legislature that a well aimed asteroid impact on the state capitol in Sacramento won't solve. Ka-Boom! Problem solved. JUNE 2005
Emerilizing Chemistry Homework In Mexas Source: Houston Chronicle [06/29] A Lone Star State chemistry teacher at Aldine Senior High, Tramesha Fox, decided to fix three problems with one, inspiring solution. Problems one and two involved two of her students - Roger Luna, Darwin Arias - who were flunking her course big damn time. Problem three involved her ride, a 2003 Chevy Malibu that was thisclose to being repossessed because our heroine was at least three payments behind. While contemplating the lads' pathetic grades, Educrat Fox decided to resolve all three problems with some very special, chemistry-related homework. She promised to give the lads passing grades for the semester, if they boosted her car from the Northline Mall, drove it to some secluded spot, then torched the damn thing. It all went according to plan, up to a point, after which the "torch my ride" chickens came home to roost. The plot started to unravel when the relevant Mexas justice system officials tracked the torched Chevy to our heroine. In record time, she blabbed the whole story to the men in blue, leading to criminal charges for all concerned. Although they got their passing grade in applied chemistry, the lads are facing an arson rap. Meanwhile, our heroine hit a justice-system daily double with charges of insurance fraud and arson. Fear not, PIGsters, the news isn't all bad for our heroine. She's still an employee in good standing in the Aldine Independent School District. And here you were, worrying, needlessly. Sanity
Prevails in Berkeley Berkeley (Mexifornia) korrectniks got a dose of bitter reality, Wednesday, when the school board decided that Jefferson Elementary would not be allowed to diss a dead slave-owning oppressor named Thomas Jefferson by changing the school's name to "Sequoia". The school board's 3-2 decision brings to an end a two year long quest to find a name for the school that didn't give hypersensitive korrectniks a boo-boo.
Berkeley is named for a slave owner? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. Making
The Grade In Mexifornia Located in a top ten Colonista infastation (Santa Ana, Mexifornia), Saddleback High School is on the ragged edge of securing a well-earned spot on W's No Child Left Behind failing schools list. Reading the proverbial handwriting on the wall, the school's principal, Esther Jones asked teachers to find some way to pass 98 failing students. For those who need a smoking gun on these fetid cess-school games, here it is in Principal Jones' own words:
In and of itself, Principal Jones' request sounds like business as usual. The only thing that tripped her up is allowing this Educrap gem to leak out. The moment this "pass them anyway" Educrap scheme registered on the news nitwit radar, the relevant officials in the Mexifornia Educrap system began circling the wagons and making disapproving noises. Verifying the venerable scientific tenet that heat rises, Santa Ana Unified School District Superintendent Al Mijares reacted quickly by ordering teachers to ignore Principal Jones' request. When the news nitwit flames reached the next level up the Educrap food chain, the School Board President was spouting drivel about conducting an investigation. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The only reason any of them is trying to find someone to fall on the legendary sword is the thrilling fact that Principal Jones got 'outed' in the news media. Otherwise, all these blithering Educrats would be giving Ms. Jones high-fives - in private - for her innovative solution to this Educrap problem. How do they say "Gotcha" in Colonista? Sanity
Prevails In Connecticut Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell earned heartfelt PIG News kudos this week for vetoing legicrap that would ban soft drinks and junk food from school cafeterias. This Elephant Clan governor didn't mince words when justifying the veto:
PIG News isn't simple enough to think the governor ignored certain overriding political considerations when making this decision. For instance, deep-pocketed soft drink and junk food purveyors 'lobbied fiercely against this bill' (AP). Also, certain school officials sent out distress calls about the revenue loss from soft drink and junk food sales. No doubt it all played into this decision. Whether motivated by politics or principle, the governor made the right decision, because it's not the Nanny State's job to save people - including junk food craving cess-school inmates - from themselves. Not
In That Tie, Tonto Thomas Benya's graduation festivities got derailed when the Educrats at Maurice J. McDonough High School (suburban D.C.) black flagged his bolo tie as uncool for school. Because Thomas violated the school dress code by wearing the tie under his graduation gown, the relevant Educrats went Zero Tolerance bonkers and banned him from his own graduation ceremony. When Thomas kicked up a fuss, cess-school officials played that tired old "the rules are the rules, no exceptions" song. In response, Thomas played another familiar tune: "bolo ties are a Siberian-Amerikan (so called Native Americans) tradition and you're trampling on my people and their venerable heritage, white eyes". Nice try, Sporty...Too bad the white eyes running your school didn't buy it. The good news for Thomas is that he'll still get his diploma. The bad news for Thomas is that these Educrats aren't the last Korrectniks who will make him miserable. Welcome to the real world, Siberian-Amerikan Sparky. Philly's
Korrectnik Educrap Philadelphia's government cess-schools Emerilized their Ethnocrat antics, big damn time, with a new edict that forces all the city's cess-school inmates to take a class in African and African American history if they want that cess-school diploma. And what, you ask, will this course teach? The usual crap, according to this fishwrap spew:
Although some parents complained about the requirement that begins with September's freshman class, Philly Educrats are telling them, in essence to pound sand. Since the district is about two-thirds Melanin-Enriched, this Educrat response to outraged parents is a virtual: "Bite me, honky." Afterthought: Terrors
Of Technology Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) Educrats are scrambling to replace the Texas Instruments calculators they passed out to the state's grade school inmates. They went non-clinically bonkers after a clever cess-school inmate - 12-year-old Dakota Brown - discovered a that he could make the TI-30 Xa SE VA convert decimals to fractions by pressing two keys. Sounds harmless enough, you say? Normally, it would be, but converting decimals to fractions - the old fashioned way, on a sheet of paper - is tested on the state's standardized tests. Proving that there are still a few rational adults in Theocratica - and elsewhere - PIG News is delighted to report the following tidbit from this Sacramento Bee piece:
PIG, too, congratulates Dakota for being such a clever lad. MAY 2005
Diversity Angst Source: Seattle Times [05/27] The University of Oregon's eggheads are in crisis mode, thanks to the bold new diversity scheme the school dropped on them without warning. The instant the faculty heard the thrilling details the bovine excrement hit the proverbial fan with such a resounding "splat" it sent the Ivory Tower's administration into a headlong retreat. And what, you ask kicked up this Ivory Tower diversity ruckus? As usual PIG News is all over it:
Big, big fun, but it gets better. When the faculty went postal, University President Dave Frohnmayer ran up a white flag in a letter to the outraged eggheads:
PIG News isn't fluent in Egghead-ese but we know a "Never Mind" when it jumps up and bites us on the butt. Will diversity resurface at University of Oregon? No doubt, but you can bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor that it won't be what University of Oregon chemistry professor, Michael Kellman called "an Orwellian, totalitarian plan". And here you were worrying needlessly, diversity bonkers Sparky. Afterthought: The
Skinny On Seattle's Fight Against Student Obesity Seattle's City Council just passed an edict that bans mobile food vendors from selling their fattening wares within 1,000 feet of a government cess-school. This ban reached critical mass when students, in ever increasing numbers, ditched the school's cafeteria and hoofed it down to certain innovative capitalists who dispensed pizza - plus assorted other edible goodies - from the back of their van. It got an added boost when the cafeteria worker's union muscled in, whining about the pay loss incurred by the members whose pay is based, in part, on the number of meals they serve each day. Will school hash slingers win the day? Not necessarily. Despite the City Council's unanimous vote, Seattle's rational adults point out the flaw in this 1,000 foot requirement:
School officials have nobody to blame but themselves. They Emerilized this situation when they started tinkering with the cafeteria food by making it 'leaner' and more or less 'sugar free'. If school officials really want to recapture those lost student diners, they would be well advised to dump their unionized lunch room cabal and seek answers in the marketplace. Why not give the local food purveyors a shot at serving their wares in the school cafeteria? Why not give these food purveying capitalists some basic nutritional requirements and challenge them to serve food the students will like, food that won't turn them into teenage Rosy O'Donnell class lard asses? It's a slam dunk that a marketplace system can't fare any worse than the current unionized debacle. Rule
Book Myopia In Mexas Karen Scherr did a header into Kingwood High School (Mexas) administrative inflexibility and it cost this talented high school senior a rightful place as class valedictorian. Citing a rule that states that the class valedictorian must be enrolled on the 20th day of his, her, hisher or its junior year, school officials flushed Karen's valedictory aspirations, despite the fact that Karen lived in the district - attended schools in the district - her entire life. How, you ask, did this straight-A student land in "The rules are the rules" purgatory? As usual, PIG News is all over it. During the critical - for Mexas Educrats - period, Karen was hospitalized, struggling to overcome her life-threatening bout with anorexia nurvosa. That's why she missed the first six weeks of her junior year. Despite her successful fight to conquer her eating disorder, Karen managed to keep up her grades, allowing her to graduate with the highest GPA in her class. Even her classmates, including the 'official' valedictorian, Alex Gorham, agree that Karen got the royal shaft from inflexible school officials:
Last Friday, the top ten (scholastically) students in Karen's class met with the school superintendent to plead Karen's case. At press time, their efforts were fruitless, but greatly appreciated by Karen Scherr who thanked them and declared her willingness to abide by any decision the school chooses to make on this matter. PIG News can't give Karen the honor she damn sure deserves, but we can assure her that she's non-negotiable A++ on our report card. Montgomery
County Sex Ed Follow-Up Montomery County's Educrats are back at work on a revised sex educrap scheme, in the wake of their recent judicial setback (PIG's Educrap News 05/06/05). This time, they're trying to find some middle ground that will satisfy the torpedoed sex educrap's steadfast friends and unflinching foes. Since homosexuality in general, and the infamous "nature verses nurture" debated in particular, are ground zero for this pitched, culture war battle, Montgomery County Educrats will be hard pressed to find middle ground where none exists. PIG News will issue battlefield reports from this major culture war donnybrook whenever anything fun, thrilling or action packed occurs. Stay tuned, PIGsters, this one looks like it'll be big time fun. Banning
Hugs In Oregon A 14-year-old wenchlet named Cazz Altomare clinched a spot in zero tolerance purgatory when a Sky View Middle School (Bend, Oregon) offical gave her detention for perpetrating a "lingering hug" on her main squeeze. Dumb? Yup. Overkill? That, too, but school officials hope they can quell the ensuing bad P.R. storm with this Educrat blithering:
Sky View Middle School's hug patrol needs to lighten up and cut these besieged-by-rampaging-hormones teenagers some slack. If "lingering hugs" are as bad as it gets at Sky View Middle School, life is damn good, so these Educrats should shut the hell up and get on with it. Don't make me come up there, Hug Nazi Sparky. Dressing
Dowdy In Modesto Hormone gorilla's who attend a Modesto (Mexifornia) government school are destined for some cultural shock when they return to class this fall. Determined to take all the peek-a-booty fun out of a teenage lad's life, Modesto's Educrats just imposed a new dress code that bans such nifty stuff as midriff-bearing shirts and low-rise pants. The down and dirty for lads and wenches involves no bare skin and no underwear in plain view. How can these Educrats be so heartless? With rules like this and no booty to ogle, all that's left for these government school inmates to do is - gasp - study. Florida
Educrats Play The Numbers Game Palm Beach County (Florida) elementary school inmates are in for a thrilling change when they return to school in the fall. If the Educrats get their way, the familiar letter grade system will be scrapped and replaced with a kinder, gentler, Korrectnik system. The relevant Elementary School principles were so eager to 'get 'er done' that they imposed the change, without telling the school board. What, you ask, did they impose with their stealth grading change? Instead of A, B, C, D, and F, inmates will get a 1, 2 or 3. Here's how these new grades translate into Educrat speak:
In practice this means that the over-achieving student who, formerly got rewarded with A's and A+'s, gets the same grade as the former C student who barely meets the standard. If this doesn't take the steam out of those damn over achievers, nothing will. Why should they bust their ass when it won't reflect on their report card? File this epic under "the best way, so far, to kill an eager student's incentive to learn". Life, it appears, would be much, much niftier for Educrats if they could simply do away with those pesky report cards completely. What's the point, they ask, when we're going to socially promote students to the next grade, no matter how they perform? That, it seems, is the burning question that nobody want's to answer. This new Palm Beach County scheme is the first step in the inevitable move to a report card-free government cess-school system. We are, in this instance, profoundly unamused. Afterthoughts: Nailed
By Zero Tolerance An 11-year-old lad who attends Rawlinson Road Middle School (Columbia, South Carolina), stumbled into zero tolerance hell when he, inadvertently, showed up at school with - gasp - ten 3.5 inch nails in his pocket. Alerted by the jingling nose of the nails in the lad's pocket, a school 'resource officer' arrested the lad and charged him with "carrying an unlawful weapon". None of the school's Educrats seem to give a damn that the lad didn't threaten anybody. None of them give a damn that the nails were put in his pockets during a weekend scouting adventure and forgotten. All that matters is the school's non-negotiable zero tolerance rules. While nobody was looking, did common sense die at Rawlinson Road Middle School? You better believe it, Southern Fried Zero Tolerance Asshat Sparky. Southern
Fried Zero Tolerance Kevin Francois - a Junior at Spencer High School in Columbus, Georgia - landed in zero tolerance hell when his mother called him on his cell phone, during school hours. When his phone rang during his lunch hour, he went outside to chat with mom, inadvertently straying into the zero tolerance asshat bull's-eye. A teacher spotted him chatting on a cell phone, spouted drivel about the school's 'no cell phone calls during school hours' rule, then ordered him to hang up and hand over the phone, stat. When Kevin refused, the teacher grabbed the phone, hanging it up in the process and from there, things got thrilling for an understandably irate Kevin. "Understandably irate"? You better believe it, Sparky, which brings us to this epic's Paul Harvey Moment and "the rest of the story".
Undeterred by such mitigating circumstances, Spencer High's southern fried retards suspended Kevin for 10 days, claiming - erroneously - that it wasn't for chatting with his mom, but for going postal on the Educrat asshats who refused to cut him some slack when his mom uses her once a month phone call during school hours. I would strongly suggest that Spencer High Educrats head for the hills when Kevin's mom returns from Iraq, because she's gonna have some Educrat butt for breakfast. Given 'em, hell, Sgt. Montgomery
County's Sex Ed Scheme Unravels The Educrats running Montgomery County (Maryland) government cess schools had a busy week, that put them in the fishwrap on a daily basis, thanks to their bold new adventure in sex educrap. The last time we visited these Berkeley wannabe Educrats (Montgomery County Tweaks Its New Sex Ed Lunacy 04/23/05) they just finished tweaking the course - minimally - to appease some outraged family values parents who insisted - quite understandably - that the new curriculum promotes homosexuality. Montgomery County Educrats thought they'd finessed the complaining parents and acted accordingly: Monday
In heart beat, the concerned parents cabal, Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum (CRC), went postal, demanding to know what these shifty Educrats had to hide. Tuesday
Far from satisfied, the CRC complained, again, that the school was not forthcoming on the relevant lesson plans and teacher's guided for the controversial new sex Educrap scheme. They finished the day on an ominous (for Montgomery County Educrats) note by serving up the "L" word. That's right, shyster fans, the CRC is talking 'lawsuit'. Wednesday
No doubt, Montgomery County's Educrats are thrilled spitless to see this culture war firefight breakout in their own backyard. Thursday
Under the ruling, the schools have 10 days to devise a suitable argument to rescue their bold sex ed scheme from shyster-scripted oblivion. Friday
Is Montgomery County's controversial news sex ed scheme dead and buried? Maybe, but I wouldn't want to bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor on it. It's stay tuned time at PIG News. Afterthoughts:
'...* "Fact: Most experts in the field
have concluded that sexual orientation is not
a choice." The curriculum also says it's OK to "question our definition of "promiscuous.'" The material refers to "fundamentalists" and "evangelicals" who mistakenly believe people overcome same-sex attraction. The program thus encourages referral of these students to "sensitive clergy" who can help them "reconcile their religious beliefs." One video used in the program features a high school girl illustrating condom usage with a cucumber, stating that condoms should be used for "any oral, anal or vaginal sex."...' Under this program, government cess-schooled grads still won't be able to read, write or compute a grade level. But, when it comes to horizontal bingo, they'd know stuff that would give Kinsey a run for his money. Intelligent
Design Unmasked
If you take these - and countless other - Intelligent Design adherents at their word, they are not trying to sneak Creationism wrapped in pseudo science, into science classrooms. The designer, they insist, '...could be a naturally existing being, a being accessible to scientific study' (Capitalism Magazine). Based on this interpretation, the proverbial "little green man" could be the designer, assuming, for the sake of argument, he, she, heshe or it is sufficiently advanced, scientifically. Keith Lockitch, a writer for the Ayn Rand Institute, pokes holes in this contention, with the following prose:
Since it isn't testable, and must be accepted 'on faith', Intelligent Design isn't science. Intelligent Design is Creationism in drag, and it has no place in government cess school science programs. APRIL 2005
More Devilish Details Source: Berkeley Daily Planet [04/29] For reasons I won't even try to understand, W's No Child Left Behind legicrap includes a fun clause that allows federal educrap funds to be withheld/withdrawn, if a school district refuses to 'provide military recruiters with access to the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of all secondary school students' (Daily Planet). That sounds unnecessarily intrusive to this pagan, and some legicrats seemed to agree because they gave military-phobic parents an escape hatch:
This week, Alameda County's (Mexifornia) Board of Educrap turned this consent clause on its head and by adopting what experts call an "opt in" policy. Under this scheme, schools like Beserkeley Unified automatically presume that all parents are military-phobics, so they send them a form - buried in a ton of educrap red tape - that must be signed by the parent, before the school will give Uncle Sam's recruiters a cess-school inmate's name, address and phone number. For a blight like Beserkeley "opt in" is almost...rational. Call me names if that thrills you spitless but this pagan scribbler finds "opt in" and "opt out" equally asinine when it comes to this mandated information sharing scheme. In those bad old days when war mongering was deemed an honorable profession, we all knew how to find the nearest military recruiting office. Anyone who wanted to learn more about this career option was welcome to visit the office and get all the information he, she, heshe or it could want or need. The prevailing wisdom, at the time, opined that any prospective recruit who managed to find the recruiting office probably had enough intellectual firepower to defend his, her, hisher or its country. File this epic under "Since it wasn't broke, why did W try to fix it" in your PIG News archives. Afterthought: Montgomery
County Tweaks Its New Sex Ed Lunacy Montgomery County's (Maryland) shiny new adventure in sex Educrap is generating so much parental ire that these terminally lefty, right coast retards are pruning some of the sex ed course's most controversial prose. The changes are minor, but given this Berkeley wanna be's Korrectnik pedigree, it deserves a PIG News mention. Two items are Goneski:
Sex Ed Teachers got the following marching orders:
Some controversial items eluded the cutting room floor:
It's essentially irrelevant where you come down on the Nature vs Nurture debate. It doesn't matter which side you support in the Traditional Marriage vs Gay Marriage whiz-a-ton. If you allow Educrats to entice you into this endless debate, you miss the big picture on the lessons to be learned from this Montgomery County Educrap fiasco. Montgomery County's brave new sex educrap world is a case study in why our one-size-must-fit-all, mandatory government Educrap system doesn't work. When push comes to shove, Government cess-school Educrats are forced to choose sides on such contentious issues as sex educrap, science educrap, history educrap, and assorted other hot button issues. When, like Montgomery County, it lurches to the left, it forces traditional values taxpayers to fund Educrap they deem offensive. When, like the schools in Puritanica (the state formerly known as Kansas) it lurches to the far right, it forces secularist taxpayers to fund Educrap they find offensive. No matter what direction it comes from, this government cess-school Educrap reeks. The only way to resolve this relentless indoctrination - no matter what the flavor - is to abolish government schools and replace them with a market-based system where the education consumer can select a school that meets his, her, hisher or its specific educational needs. Zero
Tolerance In The News Skowhegan,
Maine Fast forward to the present and we're pleased to report that a Superior Court Justice bitch-slapped the Zero Tolerance asshats by ruling that Sheldon didn't break school rules after all. PIG confers Kudos on Superior Court Justice Joseph Jabar for nuking this Zero Tolerance insanity. Snohomish,
Washington
PIG can't help but wonder how this Korrectnik wench prefers her crow: deep-fried, sauteed or still twitching. Let this be a lesson to you, self inflicted wound, Sparkette. Tent
University Protest This week, a motley assortment of aromatic protesters descended on Mexifornia's notoriously lefty University of Santa Cruz to protest U.C. System fee increases, plus the plight of certain 'underpaid' campus workers. Calling this adventure in Cultural Marxism a 'Tent University' the protester punks made life especially thrilling for UCSC administrators by setting up their alternative Ivory Tower at the main campus entrance. Eschewing a confrontation, UCSC officials 'asked' the protesters to move their antics to something called 'the on-campus quarry', whatever the hell that is. Dissing the quarry idea, the protesters stood their ground while they conducted 'classes' in a variety of Korrectnik subjects, including, but not limited to:
PIG is shocked, shocked, I tell you that we weren't invited to teach at this Tent University. When it comes to pontificating about womyn's studies, oppression and the white racial identity, nobody does it better than PIG. We're deeply wounded by this insult, but we'll recover...eventually. Until then, pass the brewskies. Afterthought: Life
Imitates Art? A Lovelock (Nevada) Educrat named Lori Ann Robinson commanded her Pershing High School students' undivided attention when she flashed her sweater puppies at them. Her antics might be explained by the salient fact that she also got "busted" - pun attempted, deliberately - for possessing the evil weed: marijuana. As usual, I have a couple PIGish observations:
Am I the only one having a 'Graduate' flashback, when I read about a 38 year old wench named Robinson, strutting her stuff for much younger males? I seriously doubt it. Uncool
For School At San Jose State When San Jose State's dance team hotties shook their booties during a break in a basketball game, at least one of the spectators didn't find the ensuing gyrations cool for his old school. In fact, 74-year-old Ray Silva gave the dance team an instant review when he shouted "Trash, that's trash. Get off the court." As fun as this all sounds, it gets even better:
The booty shaker filed a complaint with the proper authorities, but they blew her off. Ray Silva had much better luck when he complained to San Jose State officials about the indecent booty shaking antics perpetrated by the school's dance team. Since Ray is "a major university booster" his opinion carried the day, prompting the school officials to suspend the dance team. File this epic under "money still talks, especially at San Jose State", in your PIG news archives. Seeing
Red Ignoring the startling fact that little Megan and Matt can't read, write or compute at grade level, parents of the tykes attending Daniels Farm Elementary School in Trumbull, Connecticut are going postal because the teachers mark up the tykes' tests and papers with red ink. That's right, Sparky...I said red ink.
This pagan scribbler was thisclose to putting in a priority call to the EPA to demand a toxins check on Trumball's drinking water, until he read that this isn't an isolated incident. Other schools, from sea to shining sea have already, been there, done that. Megan and Matt Junior still can't read, write or compute at grade level, but fear not peabrained parents, you won't be getting this stop the presses news in red ink. There are times - this being a prime example - when a stellar word like "asinine" is grossly inadequate. Afterthought:
Countless natural laws are violated when an Educrat has a better grip on reality than the parents of the school's inmates. Zero
Tolerance Outburst In Oregon The Educrats running McKay High School (Salem, Oregon) got a timely lesson in 'be very careful what you ask for' when they perpetrated a feel good project that encouraged students to post pictures showing the current activities of school alumni. Picking up the Educrat photo scam gauntlet, a high school dolly named Shea Riecke posted a photo of her U.S. Marine brother that included a prominent display of - you might want to send the kiddies out of the room - rifles. That fast, Zero Tolerance reared its ugly head, when school principal Cynthia Richardson rejected the photo because it violated the school's 'zero tolerance policy on weapons'. Asinine? You bet, but Ms. Richardson was headed for an 'enlightening' collision with bitter reality thanks to the ensuing publicity barrage. It's safe to assume that it got very hot for Ms. Richardson, because she immediately tried to stem the bad publicity tide by allowing Shea to post another photo of her brother, one that included guns that weren't "the most prominent piece in the picture" (WND). Still wading through the angry e-mail, much of it from Rush Limbaugh's outraged ditto heads, Ms. Richardson keeps trying to weasel out of the VRWC doghouse by blithering about her husband's 6-year stint in the U.S. Navy and her strong support for the military. If you believe that bovine excrement, I have a slightly used, Gulag (San Francisco) bridge I'd love to sell you. MARCH 2005
Getting Too Real Source: Sacramento Bee [03/31] Mexifornia's Alhambra High School is in an Ethnocrat uproar due to a dose of bitter reality served up in the school's student newspaper by a scribbler named Robin Zhou. As a direct result of his prose, Robin Zhou is getting death threats and has been publically branded a racist by at least one Alhambra High teacher. And what, you ask, did Robin say that stirred up this Ethnocrat hornet's nest? The truth, loyal readers, the truth:
The following facts seem to support Mr. Zhou's assertions: 44% of the school's Asians take college prep courses, compared to only 9% of the schools Hispanic students. Are these facts racist? No way in hell, Sparky, but, when the truth hurts, the usual suspects, instinctively, reach for the race card. PIG salutes Robin Zhou for telling it like it is. The
Great SnoHo Uproar The Snohomish School District in Washington seems to have a double standard when it comes to its unofficial nickname. Since Snohomian is much too unwieldy, the official school district web site uses the term "Snoho" regularly when it discusses a sports team's "SnoHo" traditions. The term "SnoHo Mojo" is a headline in the school yearbook, plus the name for a local espresso stand. Additionally, the word "Snoho" appears, repeatedly, in the 2004 yearbook. All things considered, "Snoho" appears to be street legal at Snohomish High, but appearances are deceiving, because, when some Snohomish High hormone gorilla's wore t-shirts emblazoned with the word "SNOHOS" school officials went postal, and condemned "SNOHOS" as 'derogatory toward women'.
Understandably annoyed Justin returned to his class, but he was accosted, again, by a school security punk between classes. Beyond annoyed, Justin got a bit salty with the security punk, earning a one day suspension for a dress code violation, and sexual harassment. His salty prose also earned him a second day on suspension for "gross insubordination". Zero tolerance strikes again. Add the name Justin Patrick to your "victims of zero tolerance" roster. PIG feels your pain dude which leads us to the burning question: Where can we bag some SNOHOS shirts for our personal use? WMU
Republicans Thrill Campus Korrectniks Those pesky College Republicans are at it again. Determined to commemorate Michigan's Cesar E. Chavez Day - celebrated on March 31 - Western Michigan University's college pachyderms declared Thursday, March 31, 2005 "America First Day" and invited conservative icon, Patrick J. Buchanan to give them a rousing, on campus, speech about stemming the border jumping scumbag tide. That primal scream you just heard coming from the Wolverine State emanates from campus Korrectniks who are so thrilled by the news they can't find the right words. PIG salutes Western Michigan University's college pachyderms for their inspired, in-your-face, hall of fame caliber, political incorrectness. If anyone has a spare poster advertising this event - we're especially fond of the one that reads "Viva Buchanan! Celebrate Cesar Chavez Day with Pat Buchanan" - send it our way we'll hang it in a place of honor in our editorial offices. WMU
Update [ 03/31] Proving that he's a bigger - and better - man than this cringing, campus cretin will ever be, Mr. Buchanan decided not to press felony charges. PIG salutes Pat Buchanan for his courage under fire. Banning
Books In Maryland Maryland puritans are in a lather over the short stories and poems included in Washington County (Maryland) cess-schools' supplemental reading list. Named the "Junior Great Books" the list includes such dastardly scribblers as Ray Bradbury, John Updike and William Soroyan. Have these Educrats no shame? Why don't they go all out and pollute these eager sixth grade readers with Larry Flynt's 'Hustler Magazine'? The complaints from parents and supernaturalists in funny collars are the usual, all too familiar, excuses trotted out to justify censorship:
Mrs. Rauer is empowered to determine which stories her own children read, but she steps over the line when she seeks to coerce every parent in Washington County into following her puritanical reading notions. If you wonder why this pagan insists that Amerika's one-size-fits-all compulsory cess-school scheme doesn't work, wonder no more. The government cess-school fiasco cannot be all things to all people. It's impossible to placate puritans like Peggy Rauer without trampling on the inalienable individual liberty of rational adults. How many more times do I need to explain this crap? Spinning
Test Scores In Mexas It's probably just a coincidence that the test scores dropped for 17 of the 18 Houston elementary schools being investigated for "cheating to produce high test scores", the relevant Educrats insist. The results, according to the usual Educrat suspects, don't "prove" that these schools cheated in bygone years. Yeah right, so how do you explain these numbers, blithering Educrat Sparky:
Although they express deep concern over these results, HISD officials insist that it's not proof that these schools cheated in bygone years. What it, and assorted other results, does prove, in PIG's considered opinion, is that Houston's government cess-schools SUCK! Are we all up to speed on Mexas Educrap, Sparky? "We" better be, because a pop quiz is not out of the question. A
Lesson In Unintended Consequences The law of unintended consequences made landfall in the Illinois, thanks to the detailed requirements W crammed into his No Child Left Behind edict. Since meaningful exams concerning such inconsequential Educrap as writing, history, and civics are not specifically mandated by No Child Left Behind, Illinois Educrats dropped such tests from their cess-school requirements. If you don't see full impact this has on Illinois Educrap, I feel your pain, but fear not, PIG is all over it:
Experts in meeting, but never exceeding, government mandated requirements, Illinois Educrats transformed No Child Left Behind's minimum standard into their maximum standard. Since failure hits them where it hurts - that all-important student headcount money - there's no incentive to do more than meet the minimum requirement. This "meet the minium and nothing more" Educrap approach might help balance those red-ink intensive Educrap ledgers, but it's doing a great disservice to the state's government cess-school inmates. The supreme irony here is this that the state is gutting its writing exam - thus demoting writing curricula to 'if we get around to it' - at the very time that college-entrance tests are strengthening their writing testing. The SAT added a new essay section to its test this year. ACT offers an optional writing test. As bad as that is, it gets worse, because in college, writing skills are vital if a student hopes to succeed. File this epic under a recipe for disaster in the Land of Lincoln. Finessing
Florida's FCAT Requirement Enterprising Florida cess-school students are getting a timely lesson in the way government regulations, inadvertently, create marketplace niches that, sooner or later, some capitalist will exploit. When faced with passing grades in all their classes, but saddled with an inexplicable inability to pass the FCAT test that's a graduation requirement, certain, savvy government school inmates used the pay-for-play services provided by North Atlantic Regional School in Lewiston...Maine. All that's required is transferring your government school credits to North Atlantic, write a check for $450.00 and you're a certified government school graduate. I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. North Atlantic diplomas are accepted by - according to them - more than 100 Ivory Towers from sea to shining sea, including, but not limited to: University of North Florida, University of Central Florida, Miami-Dade Community College, and assorted others. You don't need Nostradamus to predict that Florida Educrats aren't thrill spitless. State Educrap Commissioner John Winn spouted this bureaucratic babble:
Educrat Winn needs to wake up and smell the cess-school coffee. Instead of blaming North Atlantic, he should ask the hard questions: Why is a Florida cess-school inmate getting passing grades in all their classes and still unable to pass the FCAT? Maybe he should be asking himself if exterminating all those self-esteem building, bullshit courses from the cess-schools he controls and getting back to teaching the venerable 3-Rs is the real solution to what ails Florida schools. Maybe John should look for the Florida Educrap problem closer to home...like the nearest mirror. The solution is simple, dude, if you're incapable of leading, then get the hell out of the way. Afterthought: One wenchlet who bagged a North Atlantic diploma is thriving in the college of her choice with a solid 3.4 GPA. Cupcakes
Street-Legal In Mexas Cess-Schools When Mexas Agriculture Commissioner Susan Combs imposed a new "healthy foods" regime in Lone Star State cess-schools she banned a favorite cess-school inmate tradition in the process. Reading between the lines - this fishwrap spew is shockingly devoid of relevant facts - the observant reader catches the heady scent of parental outrage when they learned that little Johnny and Megan would no longer get a cupcake or cake at school to mark their birthday. With all that parental heat, you don't need Nostradamus to predict that Mexas Legicrats got into this food fight:
I know what you're thinking and I had the same question: Why is the state Agriculture Commissioner dictating school cafeteria menu dos and don'ts? I haven't got a clue, nor do I really give a flaming damn. We're not talking about a place where rational adults reign supreme; we're talking about Mexas. Any more damn fool questions? I didn't think so. Harvard's
GLAAD BAAG Hissy Fit [The following terms and definitions are required for this piece: GLAAD
BAAG: Heteronormative: Are we all on the same page now, Sparky?] When Jada Pinkett Smith - wife of film star Will Smith - arrived on campus to accept the Harvard Foundation for Intercultural and Race Relations "Artist of the Year" award, her ensuing, award accepting, prattle put certain pink triangle, differently-sexual, knickers in a hyper twist. The instant Jada finished her speech, a campus GLAAD BAAG cabal - Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Supporters Alliance (BGLTSA) - went Korrectnik bonkers because "some of Pinkett Smith's remarks concerning appropriate gender roles were specific to heterosexual relationships" (Crimson). A heterosexual female who is happily married to a heterosexual male discusses relationships in heterosexual terms! They're shocked, shocked, I tell you that such insensitivity is allowed to occur at this fabled Ivory Tower where - gasp - hypersensitive, GLAAD BAAG whiners might hear it. And what, you ask, did Jada say that set off this Korrectnik crisis at Harvard? The Tongue Tied Internet site cited the following example:
How dare she say that at Harvard? How dare she dispense life lessons on how to maintain a happy marriage with a - gasp - man? Something must be done and right damn now. Fear not, devoted reader, Harvard's Korrectnik horde is all over it. Faster than warp speed sissy spit, Jada's harmless, commonsense, remarks on her life and marriage generated a full blown, Korrectnik crisis:
By now, some of you - and we both know who you are - will be accusing your favorite pagan scribbler of exaggerating. Since I feel your pain, I offer the following quotes from this Harvard Crimson piece to expose this Korrectnik furor in all its fetid glory:
As usual, this pagan scribbler has several points to make about Harvard's asinine, Korrectnik antics:
The salient factoid here isn't Jada's remarks, nor is it the fetid fact that the Whiners went postal over them. The real shocker here is that so many allegedly intelligent individuals at one of Amerika's premier universities took the Whiner asshats' "heteronormative" bovine excrement seriously. If some plain vanilla "how to make and keep a happy marriage" prattle destroys 'life' as they know it for these Ivory Tower GLAAD BAAGs, these differently-sexual cretins are egregiously unprepared for the unflinching reality that lurks off campus in the dreaded "real" world. They're headed for the mother of all reality checks and I'd give any-damn-thing to be there when life bitch slaps them. FEBRUARY 2005
Banning "Lady" In Tennessee Source: Sidelines (Middle Tennessee State University student fishwrap) [02/28] Middle Tennessee State University Korrectniks held a "teach-in" this week to address the Ivory Tower's number one with a bullet problem: erasing the patriarchal slur "Lady" from the given name for the Ivory Tower's female sports teams. For those who care, this Ivory Tower fishwrap spews the following Korrectnik prose about this stop-the-presses issue:
Setting aside the obvious conclusion that Ryan Husak is a congenital moron, this pagan moves on to the most telling fact about this Korrectnik confab. Although the organizers tried to lure, cajole and/or intimidate female athletes to attend this whine-a-thon, not a single player from the "Lady Raiders" showed up. PIG News salutes the Lady Raiders for their superior judgment when faced with Korrectnik lunacy. Afterthought
I don't know what Ms. Eller is smoking, but whatever it is, she needs to share this superb, mind-altering stuff with those forced to sit through her relentless, mind-numbing blithering. A
Kin-Tucky Food Fight Kentucky cess-school administrators and school hash slingers are down with the new legicrap that limits sales of soft drinks, candy and salty snacks in school vending machines, but they won't tolerate a clause in the legicrap that banishes "deep fried foods" from the cafeteria menu. Cess-school based food service pros don't mind replacing the popular, banned, snacks with allegedly-healthy alternatives, but don't even think about black flagging their deep fryer:
This cafeteria food fight - like every other turf war - promises to get ugly, before a winner is declared. PIG News will serve up all the juicy tidbits on a plastic tray...so stay tuned. Get in line, boys and girls...Be sure and have that lunch money ready. Fact
Or Fiction An 18-year-old Kentucky cess-school inmate named William Poole penned prose that earned him a second-degree felony charge for making terrorist threats after this grandparents found alarming prose in his personal journal. Since William's prose involves violence and mayhem in a high school, Kentucky justice dweebs insist that it makes the terrorist threat cut:
There is just one teensy problem with this terrorist threat bovine excrement: Our young hero explains that the forbidden prose comes from notes he's making for a short story about zombies. Following the timeless advice to aspiring scribblers, "write what you know", William set his story in a high school that the zombies took over.
Officials don't seem give a flaming damn about William's fiction writer aspirations, so our young hero is in serious trouble. If you're a fiction writer and live in Kentucky, expunge any and all references to schools or you'll wind up sharing a cell with William Poole. In fact, if you're a fiction writer, play it safe by avoiding the Bluegrass State blight as if your personal liberty depended on it. If there's a William Poole defense fund, put me down for $20. Cess-School
Stupidity One Green Cove Springs (Florida) Educrat was so terminally unthrilled when Kelli Davis showed up for her senior class picture wearing a tuxedo that he ordered the picture banished from the Fleming Island High School's yearbook. When the yearbook's student editor, Keri Sewell refused to comply with Principal Sam Ward's edict, she was promptly fired from her yearbook gig. Principal Ward swears - on a stack of Tomes (Cross Cult scripture) no doubt - that his decision to pull Kelli's picture has nothing whatsoever to do with Kelli being a lesbian. Perish the thought. She failed to adhere to the school's dress code he insists, ignoring the fun fact that the school doesn't have a dress code for class pictures. The girl wore a - gasp - tuxedo! I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. Another
Day, More Zero Tolerance Trepidation Thirteen year old Robert Gomez became the latest government cess-school inmate to be victimized by egregiously-asinine, zero tolerance bovine excrement, because of a lowly rubber band. The incident started when our young hero picked up a discarded rubber band and slipped it onto his wrist. When the teacher spotted the rubber band on Robert's wrist, events, quickly, spiraled out of control.
Proving that Liberty Middle School Educrats are completely detached from reality, Robert is charged with a "Level 4 offense", a fun fact that could result in his expulsion. You'll be amazed to learn that other Level 4 offenses - the school's highest category - include: arson, assault and battery, bomb threats and explosives. How does a rubber band land Robert in this elite company? It's an "object or instrument used to make a threat or inflict harm" (Local 6). Expelled for tossing a rubber band? "Asinine" is utterly inadequate in this instance. PIG News has no idea what 'they' put in the water at Liberty Middle School, but, if you know anybody who attends that cess-school, tell him, her, or it to bring their own H2O. This is not a drill. Asinine
Zero Tolerance Antics When her uncle shipped out to Iraq during the Christmas Break, 12-year-old Raven Farbert made a red, white and blue bead necklace that she wears to show her support for him. Raven's patriotic gesture didn't pass muster with Mount Pleasant Middle School officials who ordered Raven to lose the necklace or face suspension for violating the cess-school's dress code. Understandably upset, Raven explained about her uncle and the necklace's symbolic meaning, for all the good it did her. Spouting drivel about the item being 'gang attire' and thereby forbidden on school grounds, school officials ignored a telling fact - one they later owned up to - that Mount Pleasant Middle School doesn't have, never did have, a gang problem. Unwilling to back off, school officials seem obsessed with punishing Raven:
Outraged by the school's shabby treatment of her baby girl, Karen Grzywna slapped the school district and selected school officials with a Federal lawsuit. Leaving nothing to chance, Karen took Raven's story to the news media, last week, with an appearance on Fox News Channel's popular Hannity and Combs show. Give the asshats hell, babe, because these Educrat peabrains deserve it. There's one final irony that shows how detached from reality Mount Pleasant Middle School Educrats are: The school's mascot is the patriot and the school's colors are red, white and blue. Afterthought A
Top Ten, Stupid, Educrat, Notion The Educrat dipsticks running Athol Elementary School (Idaho) went non-clinically bonkers and - I am not making this up - installed a stoplight in the school's lunchroom to warn the school's captive audience when the din got too loud. If the decibel level goes too high, due to the elementary school inmate's youthful high spirits, the stoplight lurches into action and turns off the cafeteria lights:
I could - and should - go postal about this bovine excrement, but I'll defer to Athol Elementary School 4th grader, Ethan Stiles: "It's stupid and it stinks." Adventures
In Campus Korrectness Wisconsin
If any College Republicans from this cheesehead Ivory Tower lurks in the PIG news audience, put us down for three of your "1 Shot 1 Kill No Remorse I Decide" bracelets. Tell us how to close the sale and we're in business. Afterthought Official disclaimer: Although we support their goal to raise money for our troops, PIG is not affiliated with Adopt A Sniper...at this time. Adventures
In Zero Tolerance Hollywood
(Florida) Asinine? Oh hell yes. Business at usual? You better believe it, 'we do everything we can to avoid teaching' Sparky. Estero
(Florida) The pre-approved script included a report on the girl's soccer team's lopsided 8-0 victory, characterizing the win with this stirring prose: "the team really kicked some booty". So far, so good, but our lad got carried away and added his own prose: "I love booty". That fast, he's called on the carpet by school officials then suspended for 5 days for "inappropriate comments on live school television broadcast". And how was your day, Scooter? Staunton
(Virginia) During their search of the venerable Volvo station wagon, the men in blue didn't find any illicit drugs - weed or otherwise - but they did bag 'a rusting Boy Scout pocketknife with a 4-inch blade and a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream liqueur'. When Sam summoned the car's rightful owner, his dad explained the two items, for all the good it did him:
Despite Sam's father's explanation...notwithstanding school officials' agreement that Sam had nothing to do with the two items, zero tolerance came down on our hero like a ton of bricks:
Things started to improve for Sam, after an attorney hired by his dad got involved. His plight is further improved by the extensive coverage provided by this Virginia fishwrap, because the last damn thing that zero tolerance zealots want is publicity and they're getting that in spades. For now, the 30 day ban is shelved and Sam's record won't include any info on the drug charge. Unhappily, the Educrat nitwits are hanging tough on the alcohol counseling sessions. Sam's dad, Jim Dungan, worries that this asinine zero tolerance, bovine excrement will haunt his son when he applies for college. It's not on Sam's official record, but when a college asks him about any drug involvement, Sam will be forced to tell them about this incident and hope they're smart enough to see how utterly asinine the R.E. Lee High's Student Planning Committee is about this zero tolerance insanity. Afterthought
Don't these alleged justice system officials have any real crimes to solve? Spelling
Bee Ban Update The new Superintendent for Woonsocket (Rhode Island) government cess-schools, John Tindall-Gibson, began his tenure by overturning the school district's spelling bee ban (see PIG's Educrap News, 01/28/2005). Declaring the restored spelling contest "motivational" and "exciting" for the young participants, Superintendent Gibson 's decision allows the district's eager young spellers to test their skills, under fire, in school-based bees on February 8. Each school will send its top speller to the district-wide spelling be on February 17. PIG wishes all the Woonsocket school district's spelling bee participants good luck. Campus
Korrectnik Follies Excuses,
Excuses
Stereotype threat? Stereotype threat! The eggheads who pen Harvard's Mental Health Letter need to cut back on the adult beverage and stop puffing on those funny smokes. And how, you ask, would this shiney new exucse work? Wonder no more. If you're dumb as a box of rocks and just happen to be Polish, it's not your fault when life doesn't go swimmingly. Nope, it's that nasty old "stereotype threat". If you're a chronic boozer who can't go five minutes without an adult beverage infusion and you just happen to be Irish, your alcohol dependancy isn't your fault. Nope, it's that nasty old "stereotype threat" that oppressed you into being a drunken bum. Fear not, stereotype threat victims, Harvard's pinheads are there for you. Instead of taking responsibility for your own actions, your own achievements and your own shortcomings, you're now empowered to blame society for your problems, and, browbeat the oppressors into paying for your 'counseling by a trained mental health professional'. Lone
Star State Uproar
You don't need Nostradamus, prophetic Tome blithering, a crystal ball, tarot cards or tea leaves to predict that the usual Korrectnik suspects got their panties in a mega wad over these right-wingnut campus hijinks. LULAC's (League of United Latin American Citizens) spokeswench, Pricila Cardenas, decried this exercise in free speech as "offensive" and "hurtful", among other things, then declared that conservatives shouldn't be allowed access to the campus's free speech zone. This wench needs a reality check, stat: From Maine to Mexifornia...from Mexas to Minnesota, Amerika...every square inch of the USA is a free speech zone, darlin. If there's anything amiss here that merits your undivided attention, it's the fetid fact that this Ivory Tower set aside a special place on campus where free speech "is allowed" to take place. JANUARY 2005
Needling Campus Korrectniks Source: World Net Daily [01/29] Elephant Clan inmates at an Oklahoma Ivory Tower, University of Central Oklahoma, thrilled campus Korrectniks spitless when the College Republicans cabal announced its forthcoming "Straight Pride Week". Everywhere the campus Korrectniks roam the see fliers publicizing the festivities: "We're here, we're conservative, we're out." A campus GLAAD BAAG (see PIG Glossary for a translation) group, Gay Alliance for Tolerance and Equality (GATE), responded - in the spirit of tolerance and equality, no doubt - by deeming the pachyderms' stunt "an assault on homosexual students". How, exactly, does "Straight Pride Week" oppress the differently-sexual? It doesn't, unless these GLAAD BAAG whiners want to confess that their ubiquitous Gay Pride day/week/month antics oppress the cringing heterosexual horde. GATE's hypersensitive whiners need to get over themselves, stat, because, they created this 'wear your sexuality on your sleeve' hell with their noisy, public, Gay Pride prance-a-thons. All things considered - in the spirit of tolerance and equality - it's beyond fair that these GLAAD BAAG whiners burn in this hell they perpetrated. Banning
The Bee Egged on by Assistant Superintendent of Schools, Linda Newman, the Educrats running Lincoln (Rhode Island) cess-schools decreed that, henceforth, their annual spelling bee extravaganza is gone-o-la because it violates W's "No Child Left Behind". According to this Educrap irrationality, W's federal edict mandates that "all children must reach high standards", but, this is not possible in the dastardly spelling bee since it results in one - and only one - winner. A winner? How dare they! I'm shocked, shocked I tell you.
The following Linda Newman quote tells you everything you need to know about this Korrectnik assclown:
It's a dark, dark day, when an Educrap substantiates this 'glass half empty' scribbler's tantrums about government cess-schools and their obsession with student self-esteem. The self-affirming idiots who escape Linda Newman's cess-schools are doomed to a very rude awakening when life gives them a long overdue reality check. Linda Newman's antics leave her victims unprepared for the real world, where winning and losing are ubiquitous facts of human existence. Zero
Tolerance In Philly When a government cess-schooled inmate arrived at school suffering from cramps, she shared the news with a friend who helped ease her pain by giving her some Aleve. The well meaning assistance didn't resolve the issue, so later on the crampee sought further assistance from the nurse. Her problems reached critical mass the instant she told the nurse about her Aleve adventure. The cess-school's medical practitioner summoned the assistant principal, after which both girls were suspended for violating the cess-school's zero tolerance drug policy. The crampee's mother put the school's asinine antics in sharp perspective with this stop the presses quote: "It's like throwing a hand grenade on an anthill." (AP) Zero tolerance continues to victimize those students who pose no real problems. No doubt this lunacy gives the crampee - an honor roll student, by the way - a whole new attitude about going to school. Nice work, zero tolerance bonkers Educrat asshats. Peach
State Peabrain A Georgia bright bulb, state representative Ben Bridges, started off the new Peach State legicrap session with a bill that mandates all government cess-schools in the state restrict their science class to "scientific fact". The real target of this legicrap is, of course, Evolution, but the results would be much, much broader, if all scientific "theory" were deemed uncool for Peach State school. The following scientific 'theories' would also be outlawed:
It would be much, much simpler if Representative Bridges went the extra mile and decreed that, henceforth, science classes are banned throughout the state. This nitwit could Emerilize his brain-fart by outlawing all items that aid and abet forbidden knowledge that's based on science. He would probably enjoy living in a cave, wearing a peachfuzz diaper, but I doubt that the state's voting public would deem it "an idea whose time has come". Afterthought A
Voice Of Scientific Reason A favorite tactic employed by diehard creationists involves impugning Evolution because it's a mere "theory". Such hyperbole, invariably, demeans Darwin's science as "tentative", "uncertain", or a "wild guess", erroneously implying that scientific theories are inferior to facts. This misleading bloviating, muddies the issue by, deliberately, refusing to distinguish between "theory" and "scientific theory". Francis S. Collins, a scientist with the National Genome Project, sets the record straight on this creationist spin doctoring. A born-again Christian, he also belongs to a group called, 'the American Scientific Affiliation — a self-described fellowship of scientists "who share a common fidelity to the word of God and a commitment to integrity in the practice of science."...' (Times). When asked about the stickers Cobb County (Georgia) put on science books, Mr. Collins served up a stellar quote that puts this "theory" vs "facts" issue in sharp focus. For those who aren't up to speed, here's prose from the Cobb County sticker:
Scientist Collins cuts through this true believer spin:
No matter which side you support in this Evolution vs Genesis debate, you must give the 'devil' his due and use the relevant terms properly. In science, the word "theory" has a very precise, unambiguous, meaning. To illustrate this pagan assertion, I submit the following items into the official record:
Fair warning, there might be a pop, pagan scribbler, quiz on this material. Don't say I didn't warn you. Puyallup
Educrats Do It Again The same Puyallup (Washington) Educrats who banned Halloween celebrations last year are back in the news with another, equally fetid, Educrap edict. The fun started when some Puyallup cess-school inmates - primarily hormone gorillas - decided to raise money for tsunami victims with a video game tournament. Harmless as it sounds, it registered on Korrectnik Educrat radar because the game in question, Halo 2, violates Puyallup School District's anti-violence policy. Faster than warp speed eraser dust, brain-dead Educrats dropped the video game tournament like a bad habit. The following Educrat blithering tells you all you need to know about the mindset of these rain-soaked Educrats:
It's unlikely, in the extreme, that playing this video game will propel these Puyallup video game afficionados into a murderous, Columbine-class, frenzy. All this Educrap brain-fart accomplished is robbing the tournament attendees of some harmless fun, and, in the process, it prevents these well-meaning students from helping tsunami victims. Is it too late to wire these Korrectnik Educrats to the power grid and 'electrify' some common sense into their alleged brains? Probably, but why not give it a shot anyway? Fat
Nazi Bonkers Legicrap In Mexas Ignoring the real problems plaguing government cess-schools in her state, a Mexas legicrat - state Senator Leticia Van de Putte (Donkey Clan) - served up a new bill that would obligate the state's cess-schools to measure the body fat index of each cess-school inmate, then pass the thrilling results along to the inmate's parents. Apparently, graduating idiots with self-esteem is spiffy - in this hackette's alleged mind - as long as the inmates in question are "skinny as a rail" idiots with self-esteem. As asinine as this notion is, it isn't an original, Mexas, concept. Other states have been there, done that. Billy Clinton's old stomping grounds - Arkansas - enacted similar Legicrap that requires the state's cess-schools to 'weigh and measure students and report findings to parents'. Unwilling to instill meaningful knowledge in their young victims, these Educrats aren't 'fulfilled' by brainwashing cess-school inmates then graduating these self-affirming illiterates. Now, they're determined to assume a medicrap meddler mantle and play Diet Nazi dipstick games on their captive audience. Until Mexas - Amerikan - cess-schools fulfill their primary function, instilling meaningful knowledge in cess-school inmates, Educrats should leave student nutritional, medical, requirements to the parents, and/or the parents' chosen medical professional. If this Mexas Legicrap passes, Johnny still won't be able to read, write or compute, but he'll be up to speed on his body fat index. Why
Johnny Can't Add In Newton Newton
(Massachusetts) government cess-school Educrats
are alarmed by the inexplicable - inexplicable
to them -
Mr. Mountain goes on to note the glaring omission in the school district's math guidelines: the math guidelines don't say word one about teaching math. Tom Mountain has it nailed and he's right. The Educrap Korrectnik chickens came home to roost, but, tragically, the only ones suffering are the Newton's cess-school inmates. They're the ones who are subjected to this Educrap on steroids drivel. Extra
Curricular Trifecta This week, two teachers and a volleyball coach - all female - got nabbed for getting horizontal and squishy with hormone gorillas (teenage boys). Racine,
Wisconsin
Orange,
Mexifornia Bay
City, Mexas Making this epic terminally exciting is this stop the presses tidbit:
Is there something in the Educrap water that makes these female Educrats get hormonal with hormone gorillas? Summary Wench
1: Wench
2: Wench
3: |
|
|
©
Copyright 1993-2006 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||
|
|
|
|
