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Another Assault on Smoking
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/29]

After banning smoking in as many places as they dared, two Great Northwestern Nitwits - Sen. Jeanne Kohl-Welles, D-Seattle. Rep. Geoff Simpson, D-Covington - still felt the need to wage their crusade against the evil weed. This dynamic, state Legicrat duo just served up two proposed bills in the Washington state legislature that would, if adopted, saddle the state's besieged smokers with a load of Nanny State suckage called a "fire-safe" cigarette. "Fire-safe" means that, assuming you can find a place where smoking is still legal in this rain-soaked liberal infested Eden, you'll play bloody hell keeping the damn thing lit. As long as you keep puffing on it, you're good to go, but the instant you stop...flame out.

These "fire-safe" smokes are appealing to liberal hacks for a variety of reasons. In theory, this goodie will save the 700 to 800 careless smokers who are accidentally killed, nationwide, due to reckless cigarette operation. In practice, this is just another way to make smoking such a monumental pain in the boom-boom that it will make you quit out of disgust. Ideally - for two-fisted spending Legicrats - clueless smokers will continue enriching the state coffers by purchasing their heavily taxed smokes, but, they would find it impossible to actually smoke them, once they've got the damn things. Bold New Concept.

Random Thoughts As We Approach The New Year
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/28]

Election Cycle Angst
With the election cycle looming, PIG has some timely New Year advice for its loyal readers. Hang on to your wallet, because every political hack from sea to shining sea will be spending your hard-earned money in a frantic effort to lock up that coveted parasite punk vote. If you thought last year's record setting Pork Barrel spending barrage was thrilling, you ain't seen nothing yet.

On a related note, are we still allowed to call it Pork Barrel spending or has CAIR deemed that term "offensive" to Amerika's hypersensitive Mecca Maniac pinheads?

Required New Year Reading
If our relentless hammering hasn't convinced you that the Nanny State is out of control, wake up and smell the coffee. Speaking of a timely shock destined to jolt you back to reality...we have some New Year homework for you. No matter where you live, your designated fishwrap will be spewing at least one article that details the new laws that your elected tormentors inflicted on you during 2005. If that painful reading isn't enough to git 'er done, consider this: most papers only print a small fraction of the new legicrap pooped out by the local, state and federal chapters of the Nanny State.

Troubling Trends
Amerikan in the 21st Century is no longer populated by the rugged individuals who, routinely, challenged themselves to find a way to fulfill their desires, their dreams, their ambitions through their own tireless efforts. Instead, Amerika has a critical mass of parasites whose solution of first resort is: how can I get the Nanny State to mug my neighbor so I can enjoy the lifestyle to which I want to be accustomed, by making somebody else do all the heavy lifting? Amerika's greatness is fueled by the indomitable spirit of its rugged individuals. When they're gone, you can stick a fork in Uncle Sam, because he will be done.

Circling Those VRWC Wagons
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/19]

The VRWC's boom box based shock troops mobilized quickly when faced with a double threat to their Oval Office dwelling homeboy. With Congress giving W fits over renewing the Patriot Act, the last thing the VRWC wanted or needed was the News Nazis babbling incessantly about W ordering the NSA to engage in marginally-legal domestic spying.

Trying to stem the tide, many VRWC babblers were concentrating on a vigorous defense of the soon to expire Patriot Act. The favored spin goes something like this:

First the host lures a liberal into the bull's-eye by asking: "What constitutional rights have you lost under this administration?"

If the liberal answers coherently his concerns are trivialized. Then the host waves the flag by reminding the caller that we're at war and must be prepared to forego our inalienable liberty during this "emergency".

If the liberal answers incoherently - the more likely response - he, she, heshe or it is dismissed as "just another Bush hating liberal".

Another favorite question targets the library snooping authorized under the Patriot Act. "Are you worried about someone checking out your taste in books? We need to find out of someone is reading books on building a tactical nuke in his basement."

The one question nobody asks - host or caller - is this: "Will you still be thrilled spitless about all the dubiously constitutional powers you gave the Nanny State when the president's name is Hillary Rodham Clinton?" The most likely response will presume facts not in evidence: a vigorous defense of our liberty by Elephant Clan congresspunks. Yeah right, like they defend us against free speech assaults disguised as "broadcast decency" and "campaign finance reform".

On a related note - there seems to be a new addition to the official VRWC mantra list.

The Existing One:
"We know that we really, suck, but they still suck more."

The New One:
"Okay, we admit that Bush did order domestic spying, but they - it's usually Clinton - did it first, and much, much worse."

One of these days I need to schedule some quality time to celebrate the glorious, liberty-killing success of Amerika's venerable two party political system.

Howard Stern Moves On
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/15]

This week marks the end of Howard Stern's public airwaves radio show. His departure is due, in large part, to the unrelenting assaults by Amerkia's self appointed censors - Brent Bozell being a prime example - and relentless interference from the Decency Nazis in the FCC. During the last few years, they muzzled Howard until it was impossible for him to put on a show that would appeal to any rational adult. If there's anything indecent going on here, it's the fact that these cretins got away with this blatant censorship in the United States of America. I don't expect the decency crowd to get it, so it's safe to assume that, at these outposts of strictly controlled speech, the champagne will be flowing freely now that Decency Demon Howard Stern has been expunged from the public airwaves.

Starting early next month, Howard will be heard, exclusively, on pay for play Sirius Satellite Radio, where many wishful thinkers on "free" radio expect him to fail miserably. The primary notion is the one that I heard from a local boom box host last night: "Why would a listener pay for Howard when he can get [VRWC] talk radio for free?" If that sounds familiar, give yourself a cookie, because it's the same argument that over the airwaves boob tube broadcasters used when cable television was in its infancy. Yeah, right dude, satellite radio would love to endure the kind of failure that cable television has experienced.

Satellite Radio is the wave of the future, for the same reasons that Howard decided to switch from "free" to pay for play radio. For starters, on Sirius, Howard can put on a show that's geared toward adults, not someone's unsupervised three year old. Furthermore, Satellite Radio offers a much broader spectrum of programming, so there's always something on that will appeal especially to you. Finally, and very important to this scribbler, Satellite Radio will offer me some decent music for a change. So-called "free" radio is, musically-speaking, crap and it has been that way for much too long. [For more on the cosmic suckage of "free" radio, read the "Talk Radio" rant in PIG's media section.]

Love him or hate him, Howard Stern changed the face of morning drive radio. The bland patter of record spinning D.J.'s was replaced by shock jocks and the ubiquitous "morning zoo" shows. These new formats gave commuters something new, something a tad outrageous. Howard and those who followed him gave listeners new, improved, and occasionally damn funny, fare to entertain them while they were stuck behind the motherless moron who wouldn't speed the hell up. Howard's show was, quite often, inspired and laugh out loud funny. We should give him his due for being a talented broadcaster who knows how to build, and keep, an audience. It would be a fatal mistake to underestimate Howard's skills as a self-promoter. He's been written off several times in his career and, inevitably, found a way to survive. Don't count him out just yet.

Satellite Radio is, I'm convinced, the wave of the future. Obviously, Howard Stern recognizes this and wants to be where the action is. Despite his hype, Howard probably isn't the critical element in satellite radio's ultimate success. That success is due to the fact that it offers the listener a much broader spectrum of choices. Best of all, it's free, for the moment, from FCC tyranny. It's free from the licensing games the FCC plays that contribute to the unrelenting suckage that much of over the airwaves radio has become. It offers this scribbler a welcome change from 3 sports stations, two all news stations, and all those "me too", Rush Limbaugh clones like Hannity. After I hear Rush, I damn sure don't want, or need, Hannity's "Rush Warmed Over" boom box blight. Satellite Radio will allow me to listen to some decent music for a change. It will give me a break from the deluge of salsa flavored outlets that are swallowing up stations like a swarm of locusts in a wheat field.

Satellite Radio offers something for literally everyone, and that, ultimately, will be its downfall. Satellite Radio offers the listener entertainment that is intended for adults, and that's the last thing Brent Bozell and his co-conspirators in the FCC's Decency Gestapo want. By hook or by crook, these decency obsessed goose steppers will find some excuse to come after Howard and everyone else on Satellite Radio. Why? Because they won't stop, they won't rest, until they can dictate everything you're allowed to read, watch, hear, say or think. That might thrill you spitless but it's not this scribbler's idea of inalienable individual liberty. I, for one, plan to enjoy the broadcasting liberty on Satellite Radio while I can, and if Brent Bozell has a problem with that he can BITE ME.

Rights And The U.S. Constitution
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/09]

It makes me borderline postal when someone like Medved - and too damn many others of that ilk - spout drivel about our inalienable individual rights. The spew, invariably, leaves the distinct impression that any right not specifically mentioned in our Constitution isn't really our right at all.

The primary problem that I have with this view of our liberty - especially where it concerns the Bill of Rights - is that it, tacitly, assumes some points that were not entered into evidence. Medved and his Tyranny of the Majority cohorts willfully overlook the following items:

1) The United States Constitution delineates, with considerable specificity, the limits under which our government operates. It does not include an exhaustive list of inalienable individual rights.

2) If an item is included in the Bill of Rights, that does not mean that the government ever had a Constitutional mandate to restrict it in the first place.

3) According to the Ninth Amendment, individuals have countless rights that are not listed in the prior amendments, rights that the government must respect.

4) Governments don't bestow rights on individuals. Individuals are born with a full compliment of rights. The only thing government can - and will - do is to infringe upon an individual's inalienable rights.

5) Inalienable individual liberty is not a popularity contest. An individual's inherent - born with the damn things - rights are not determined by the whim of Nanny State tyrants or the latest wild hair "the majority" got up their butts.

6) The critical question one must pose regarding rights is NOT "Does the Constitution grant me that right". The salient question on inalienable individual liberty is this: "Does the Constitution, give the Nanny State the power to infringe that inalienable individual right?"

7) Finally, whether you believe that your inalienable individual liberty is a gift from some deity, or you believe that your rights are an inherent element of being human, the fact is that inalienable individual liberty is each person's birthright.

A properly Constitutional government's primary function is to establish an environment wherein inalienable individual liberty is maximized...an environment where it can flourish. In other words, the Nanny State's sole function is to protect me from coercion - foreign or domestic - then get the hell out of my way and let me live my life without their relentless "assistance".

Are we all on the same page now, inalienable individual liberty Sparky?

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty Passes
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [12/08]

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes the 20,000,000 border jumping scumbags who infest our nation will, instantly, be rewarded for blatantly violating our laws.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, those 20,000,000 border jumping invaders will, instantly, become eligible for all the parasite-coddling perks and protections given to Amerika's legal residents.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, those 20,000,000 street legal, border jumping denizens will, instantly, become too expensive for the employers who paid them under the table, bargain basement, wages.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, those 20,000,000 street legal, border jumping denizens will, inevitably, be fired and replaced by the new tidal wave of border jumping scumbags.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, the rat bastards who stab Amerikan citizens in the back by hiring border jumping scumbags will, instantly, start agitating for a new amnesty program to attract more cheap labor to invade our nation.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, taxpaying Amerikan citizens will be forced to support the 40,000,000 border jumping scumbags in our midst - the 20,000,000 legalized by Vicente Bush's Amnesty, plus the 20,000,000 who will invade us to take their place.

After Vicente Bush's Amnesty passes, Amerika - henceforth Amexica - will be a reeking, disease-ridden, Tijuana cess pool, from sea to shining sea.

Bait and Switch On Capitol Hill
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [12/06]

Amnesty is a done deal, if Vicente W. Bush gets his way. For obvious reasons, Vicente Bush is unwilling to let Tom Tancredo and his House of Representatives border enforcement stalwarts vilify Bush's amnesty scheme. That's why the Elephant Clan leadership plans to finesse the system and deny the House of Representatives the opportunity to bitch slap amnesty for border jumping scumbags in a public debate. How? It's very slick and a slam dunk to work like a champ.

The scheme, as I understand it, involves letting the House pass its strict enforcement bill. Next, the border jumping scumbag coddling Senate will do the heavy lifting by serving up a full fledged amnesty - every scumbag on the planet can cross our borders, unimpeded - bill. Since the two bills don't match, the differences will be hashed out in a conference committee. The combined - amnesty on steroids - bill will then be submitted to the House for a straight up or down vote. Tancredo and his border enforcement lobby, plus those members of congress who agree with him, would then face a very tough choice. The only way they could defeat amnesty means voting against the border enforcement they favor. That's not going to make them any friends back in the district.

If you think the border jumping scumbag invasion is bad now, hang onto your hat. After Vicente W. Bush's amnesty scheme passes, it'll be a goddamn tidal wave. Welcome to Amexica, and make no mistake, that's exactly what Vicente W. Bush wants. Bush has the right stuff when it comes to fighting terrorist asshats, but he's a traitorous rat bastard when it comes to throwing the borders wide damn open and letting the disease ridden, chronically-needy border jumping scumbag horde destroy this nation.

Somebody explain to me, again, how these big spending, border jumping scumbag loving, Elephant Clan asshats are any better, any different, than their Donkey Clan counterparts. It's a distinction without a difference. If this amnesty scheme doesn't make you mad as hell, you're in a coma. Wake the hell up before it's too damn late.

A Korrectnik View of Crime
Source: Compelling Pagan Scribbler Prose [12/03]

With the "Tookie" Williams melodrama on the jello-spined wimp front burner, PIG will boldly go where nobody else dares to venture. We think it's time to explore the vision of crime and punishment that pinheads like Mike Farrell, and others of his ilk, seem to favor. With our tongue firmly lodged in our cheek, PIG offers you this preview of politically correct justice.

The primary whine these caterwauling cretins spout seems to opine that Tookie - and various other malefactors - are victims of what Amerika's Euro-centric majority calls its "Criminal Justice System". These champions of the oppressed demand the complete eradication of the word 'criminal' from the Amerikan lexicon. Furthermore, these peabrains denounce this divisive word as overtly judgmental, prejudicial and a blatant intrusion on the rights of ethically-challenged victims of society (Euro-centric oppressors defame these social outcasts with the term 'criminals'). It's Euro-centric culture that turns innocent victims of an oppressive society into alleged "criminals." We're shocked, shocked, I tell you.

To illustrate the inherent injustice of the existing system, let's examine some headline-making examples of so-called criminal conduct:

Charles Manson
Euro-centric view: He's a sociopath, a mass murderer, who would kill you in a heartbeat.

Politically-correct view: Charles is a heroic social revolutionary who challenged Euro-centric dogma with the one tool at his disposal: violence. The product of a disastrously 'dysfunctional' home, young Charles became a 'survivor' of societal oppression at an early age. His revolutionary views were forged in the blast furnace of his tragic childhood, leading to his epic struggle for social justice in the closing years of the 1960s. Now viewed as a true visionary, Charles is lauded by certain enlightened NO-NADS for his 'empowerment' of women. Don't forget, his most significant 'accomplishments' were carried out, primarily, by females.

Jeffrey Dalhmer
Euro-centric view: He was a psychopathic mass murderer who butchered, then devoured, countless young men...young men that he lured to his apartment for a perverted, homosexual, interlude.

Politically-correct view: He's a tragic victim of Amerikan homophobia. A champion of cultural diversity, Jeffrey honored the tribal customs of classic Native cultures like the Aztecs of Central America, the Kwakiutl tribe in Western Canada, plus the famous Ngbe (Leopard Society of Sierre Leone, Africa) through the time honored ritual of cannibalism.

Mikey Jackson
Euro-centric view: This twerp is a career pedophile who uses his fame, plus his "childish" style of speech, to lure young boys into his clutches. Now that he has virtual immunity from suffering the consequences of his perverted actions, Mikey is a menace to each and every prepubescent lad on Earth. Somebody needs to lop off this pervert's nads, stat.

Politically-correct view: The victim of a domineering father, poor Mikey is trying desperately to recapture the childhood he never got to have. Mikey is a child in a man's body and is the classic example of arrested emotional development. He's not a pervert or a pedophile, he's a lost child crying out for help.

Scott Peterson
Euro-centric view: He's a cold blooded bastard who murdered his pregnant wife and his unborn child.

Politically-correct view: He's a victim of Amerika's patriarchal culture, since his "crime" involved him doing what every other Amerikan male secretly wants to do. He got swept up by his patriarchal fervor and acted out the exploitive portrayals of womyn with which Amerika's patriarchal society saturates so-called Amerikan culture. Deeply scarred by this oppressor-dominated society, Scott needs to be relocated to a mental facility where he can get the help he needs to give him a healthier, socially-acceptable view of womyn.

Robert Blake
Euro-centric view: He's an aging 'celebrity' who decided to save himself the expense of a divorce from his despised wife by killing her. He's a murdering bastard who got away with it, thanks to his fading, but still potent, 'fame'.

Politically-correct view: A man who gained fame by portraying a notorious murderer, Robert is a tragic victim of Amerika's celebrity-worshiping culture. No longer at the pinnacle of the entertainment industry, Robert was thrown on the scrap heap, by an egregiously ageist culture. Robert's anti-social solution to his marital woes was enabled by Amerika's obsession with celebrity. Amerika made Robert what he became, so his acquittal was a rare example of socially-conscious justice.

Stanley "Tookie" Willams
Euro-centric view: He's a lifelong thug who started one of this nation's most violent gangs then crowned his criminal career by slaughtering four innocent people. Capital punishment is too damn good for him, but Amerika has silly notions that whine: "torture isn't spiffy".

Politically-correct view: Born into poverty and denied his rightful place in Amerikan society by unrelenting white tyranny, Tookie was forced to seek brotherhood among his fellow victims. Founding the Crips wasn't an antisocial act; it was his only way survive in Amerika's racist society. His crime needs to be put in context and understood as a cry for help. Executing the redeemed, newly enlightened man Tookie has become would be the real crime. Tookie isn't a murderer who deserves to be executed. Tookie is a hero who overcame Amerika's suffocating racism and emerged as a role model for all other Melanin-Enriched victims of poverty, racism and white tyranny.

All this sentimental slop is giving us a headache. While you bask in the afterglow of PIG's glorious prose, we're going to crack open a brewskie and chill while we wait for the aforementioned scumbags to get the Euro-centric retribution they richly deserve. That's gotta elicit a rousing "Amen" from the choir.

Crocodile Tears?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [11/29]

On Monday, Mexifornia Congressman, Randy "Duke" Cunningham staged a tearful press conference to announce his resignation from congress. His unscheduled departure from the public arena reached critical mass, after he got caught taking bribes from certain defense contractors. Facing up to 10 years in the slammer for fraud, tax evasion and conspiracy to commit bribery, the 8-term congresspunk has ample reason to cry. His "for sale to the highest bidder" antics don't thrill us, either.

Cynical to the core, we dare to ask "Duke" the burning question: Are you weepy because you done us wrong, or, are you sobbing because you got caught betraying us for big bucks? It's Enquiring minds time again in the PIG bunker.

More Border Enforcement Hot Air
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [11/28]

Today, Vincente W. Bush tried his best to gift wrap his AMNESTY program for border jumping scumbags in "we'll defend our borders, and we really mean it this time" rhetoric, but it comes down to the same old crap. If you already successfully invaded our country, you're W cool. If you're an employer who, deliberately, hires border jumping scumbags and pays them off the ledger, substandard wages, you're W cool. If you're a border jumping scumbag coddling clown who does everything in his, her, hisher or its power to get your border jumping scumbag parasites onto the taxpayer funded gravy train, you're W cool. If you're an Amerikan citizen who is fed up with these goddamn invaders and the asshats who enable them, you're S. O. L.

We fell for this crap the last time our elected tormentors played this "we're going to fix our border jumping scumbag problem" game. Then, like now, the relevant government punks promised to secure the borders to stem the border jumping scumbag tide - it never happened. Then, like now, the relevant government punks promised to get tough on the employers who hire border jumping scumbags - it never happened. Then, like now, the relevant government punks said that the only way to deal with those already here was to accept the reality and give them amnesty - the instant the resident border jumping scumbags became street legal, millions more invaded us.

The time has come to do this right. It's not rocket science:

Step One: We build Duncan Hunter's 2000 mile wall to close off our wide open southern border. It's not the silver bullet on stopping the border jumping scumbag invasion, but it'll damn sure slow it down, majorly. We also beef up - with our military, if necessary - our borders to let every-damn-body understand that we're serious about controlling who comes into our country.

Step Two: We dry up the border jumping scumbag job market by going after the businesses that knowingly hire them. Maybe some time in a "bend over and take it like a man, business punk" prison will give these business asshats a whole new attitude about hiring border jumping scumbags.

Step Three: We kick border jumping scumbags off the government gravy train. No more taxpayer funded education. No more welfare. No more free medical care. No more any damn thing.

The clock is ticking and time is running out. It's only a matter of time before there's a major terrorist attack inside the USA that can be traced back to terrorists who strolled across our unprotected borders. When that attack comes - and given Vicente W. Bush's open borders policy it's a slam dunk - there will be hell to pay. Maybe, just maybe, after that inevitable terrorist wake up call, an enraged Amerikan public will finally kick these border jumping scumbag loving asshats out of D.C.

The new Vincente W. Bush plan on controlling our borders is the same as the old one. He will make meaningful noises about border control, but let every-damn-body into the USA, no questions asked. I'm sad to report that we finally have an answer to the question I've been asking for more than a year:

Question: At least 500,000,000 chronically-needy, disease-ridden parasites live between the Rio Grande and Tierra Del Fuego. How many of them get to move here, un-damn-invited, before Vicente W. Bush understands that our unprotected borders are a goddamn problem?

W's Answer: All of them.

Tookie Williams
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [11/28]

When you listen to Tookie's many apologists, you hear all sorts of bovine excrement:

The Amerikan justice system is egregiously racist. None of Tookie's trials were fair.
Tookie is a muscular Melanin-Enriched Mother Theresa.
Tookie is really, really sorry that the Crips gang he helped found is populated by murdering punks.
Tookie isn't a murdering bastard...Tookie is a victim. So there.

When you cut through all the B.S., you end up with this whine: Tookie must be innocent, because Tookie is black. Yeah right. Tell that to the families of the four people he slaughtered.

Congressional Class Warriors
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [11/21]

During a Capitol Hill debate about the pending tax bill, one of our elected tormentors, a Donkey Clan punk, went off on a tirade about the evil Elephant Clan giving money to the rich via tax cuts. It was obvious that this clown - like all the class warfare punks in congress - viewed my rightful property, everyone's rightful property, as belonging first, foremost, to the Nanny State. In his alleged mind, the Elephant Clan was stealing the government's money and giving it to the undeserving fat cats. That twisted attitude stands reality on its head, because, when you steal a guy's wallet then hand him back two dollars for bus fare, you're not giving him any damn thing. You're returning a small portion his rightful property.

Some rational adult needs to grab this greedy, public trough swilling punk by the scruff of the neck and lay some unvarnished facts on him. Since there aren't any rational adults available, I'll administer this reality check:

Contrary to popular parasite-coddling myth, money earned by sovereign Amerikan individuals is not government property. It's not the government's goddamn money; it belongs, first and foremost, to those individuals who earned it. The government likes to gloss over this fact by calling an individual's hard-earned money a 'resource' or 'revenue'.

A tax cut, by definition, goes to those who pay taxes. Since the top 10 percent of wage earners pay the lion's share of taxes collected [According to IRS data from 2000, the top 10%, those with an Adjusted Gross Income at or above $92,144, pay 67.33% of all income tax collected], they will, quite rightly, get a bigger tax cut than those who pay little or nothing.

Giving a tax cut to those who don't pay taxes is not a tax cut, it's a wealth transfer scheme. We need to call this by its proper name: WELFARE. The 'earned income tax credit' is a prime example. Let's say a family of four earning $29,000 pays $1,500 in withholding. When they file their taxes, they will get a $3,200 refund, thanks to this earned income scam. In other words, this welfare payment scheme gives them all of their withholding back, plus and additional $1,700 'donation' from kindly Uncle Sam. When you cut through all the bovine excrement, the EITC works this way: If you earn less than $33,000 a year and have kids, the IRS will give you back 2 or 3 times what they withheld for taxes. Ka-ching! When you get back more than you paid - double or triple what you paid - it's not a tax refund, it's a welfare check.

Amerika's tax system punishes...criminalizes achievement and rewards failure. If you're a born parasite...If you're a loser who can't get out of his own damn way, kindly Uncle Sam will steal somebody else's hard earned money and give it to you. All you need to do is whine for it. If you're an achiever, Uncle Sam will tax you into the poorhouse. If, by some miracle you leave a sizeable estate, Uncle Sam will snatch it away from your rightful heirs, sell it and give the proceeds to the parasites who are feeding off the rotting corpse of the Amerikan dream.

Since the trip-wire for 'rich' is income equal to or exceeding $128,000 a year, every member of Congress - including all these noisy class warriors - qualifies since the rank and file congressman or Senator earns a hefty $150,000 per year, and it gets increased every damn year, automatically, no matter how the economy is doing. Since they're so damned eager to 'redistribute' tax-payer 'wealth', why don't they lead by example and 'donate' all their pay to the chronically needy?

Achievers who transform ideas and hard work into big bucks aren't the parasites. The real parasites are the political punks who spend decades swilling at the public trough. The real parasites are congressional class warfare cretins who steal the rightful property of Amerika's achievers and use it for their own benefit by distributing it to their friends, supporters and the chronically-greedy losers who keep re-electing them to congress.

My hard-earned income is not a government resource. My hard-earned money belongs first, last and always to me. You're not doing me any favors when you announced that the next time you mug me, you're going to steal a little less of my money. The class warfare - the transfer of wealth - scheme that these congressional class warriors perpetrate is straight out of the Marxist playbook: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." That might thrill the Capitol Hill class warrior clowns spitless, but it has this pagan scribbler seriously contemplating a second American Revolution. Enough is enough!

Has Amerika Lost Its Nerve?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [11/18]

"Nobody ever defended anything successfully, there is only attack and attack and attack some more."
George Patton

Is Amerika populated by a critical mass of fair weather patriots who want to run up the white flag if the on-going war on terror isn't wrapped up as neatly and quickly as a CSI episode? Are 21st century Amerikans so soft that the slightest setback will send them fleeing in abject terror? Are we, the rank and file Amerikans, as gutless as the elected tormentors who would sell out our men and women in uniform for a transitory political gain? The answer to all three is "probably". It's par for the course when you combine the 24-hour news cycle with a population that has been so completely government schooled they're incapable of drawing their own conclusions, without seeking "guidance" from the News Nazi spin doctors.

Can you imagine how the News Nazi horde would eviscerate George Washington for taking his army to Valley Forge in the dead of winter? Every damn minute they'd be flashing gut wrenching images from their 'embedded' reporter, showing the enemy how desperate the American army's condition was. They'd trot out some 18th Century Cindy Sheehan who would whine about her baby getting frostbite and start demanding that George be brought up on charges, then executed. Valley Forge was hellish enough, without relentless liberal yammering about "George Washington and his right-wing extremists".

Can you imagine the News Nazi histrionics if they were around to cover the Civil War's bloodiest battle, Antietam? Can you imagine the relentless news nitwit yammering about the 22,726 (9 times the American casualties on D-Day) Americans who were killed or wounded on that one bloody day? Every viewer careless enough to tune in would be having nightmares about dead and/or shattered bodies for decades. The news nitwits would be calling for Honest Abe's head on a platter in record time. Mexican War vets would be trotted out to call the American Civil War "a quagmire".

Can you imagine the caterwauling from today's cringing congressional cretins during the Marines' long heroic ordeal at Guadalcanal? The same "damn the torpedoes" cretins who were terminally hawkish right after Pearl Harbor would start clamoring for our withdrawal, after that first disastrous naval battle with the Tokyo Express in Iron Bottom Sound. Long before this pitched, turning point, battle ended, these Capitol Hill cowards would all be yammering about how we needed to pull back and try to "understand" why the Empire of Japan was compelled to attack us. Jimmy Carter would probably stage a photo op in Tokyo with Tojo and Yamamoto, demanding that Amerika confess its unpardonable sins against the peace-loving Japanese.

Unfortunately, Amerika isn't the nation it was a half century ago. When Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, Amerika's only thought was to dish out some major payback, and nobody said a damn thing about stopping before the job was done and we'd totally kicked the enemy's butt. In 2005, its rugged, patriotic individualism subverted by its elected tormentors and the News Nazi horde, Amerika is quickly turning into a white flag clutching nation populated by a critical mass of surrender monkeys. We're told that kicking butt when some asshat attacks us is "wrong" because we really need to understand how we "oppressed" our sworn enemies into attacking us. I'll let you imagine how George Patton would react to such inane blithering.

It's time to wake the hell up and realize that, like the Revolutionary War, the Civil War and World War II, Uncle Sam is in a prolonged battle with a determined enemy - Islamikaze asshats - that he can't afford to lose. This time, we are in a fight for our very survival with an implacable enemy whose goal is nothing less that world domination. After the last battle is won and the Islamikaze scum are defeated, the historians can assess our mistakes then parcel out blame and/or credit for our blunders in Iraq. We don't have time for that crap, now, because we're in the middle of a war where losing is not a viable option.

The Death of Mexifornia
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [11/09]

The public employee union parasites pounded the last nail in Mexifornia's coffin last night, but they're too busy looting, pillaging and plundering the no longer "Golden" State to give a damn. Their stranglehold on Mexifornia's neo-Marxist legicrats proved so tight that even the mighty terminator couldn't break it. Stick a fork in it, because Mexifornia is "done" and so, for that matter, is Mexifornia's action hero governor.

Just for 'fun', we'll take a look at the accomplishments these public trough swilling pissants are celebrating today:

Thanks to these public employee union parasites, crappy teachers still can't be fired, but are guaranteed a job for life. If Johnny or Susie's teacher is a threat to your tyke's mental and physical health, get over it, because there's no way in teacher's union hell to get rid of him, her, himher or it.

Thanks to these taxpayer supported cretins, Mexifornia will continue to pour money down the government cess-school rathole, plus assorted other tax-funded ratholes these public employee union asshats support.

Thanks to these relentlessly whining asshats, legislative elections in Mexifornia will continue to be a complete waste of time. The lunatic Marxist fringe that is destroying Mexifornia will march forward, unimpeded, until there's nothing left in Mexifornia worth stealing. Voting in any Mexifornia legislative election is an utter and complete waste of time. The outcome is etched in stone and nothing, nobody, will ever try to change that.

It cost them more than $100,000,000, but these public employee rat bastards secured an unlimited money source to hound the few rational adults who still reside in Mexifornia into leaving. Yesterday's election gave these scumbags an unimpeded right to rip off their union members to fund an endless stream of "support your Marxist legicrats' newest assault on inalienable liberty" advertisements. When they need more money, they can always strong arm their toadies in the state legislature into pouring more taxpayer money down the public employee union rathole.

Although public employee union parasites in general, and the California Teachers Association in particular, spearheaded this battle to condemn Mexifornia to more of the same neo-Marxist insanity, others played an essential role. In addition to the usual lefty suspects from inside the D.C. Beltway, these union scumbags got support from Elephant Clan hacks who love meaningless legislative elections, and a who's who of Tinsel Town lefties. As much as we detest the hacks - from both clans - who love elections they can't lose, they are only number two on our "bite me you rat bastard" hit list. At the top is one son-of-a-bitch who deserves to be singled out for special attention: David Horowitz. Yes, that David Horowitz, the one who travels around the country promoting his Academic Bill of Rights. He did a commercial decrying the redistricting plan, because, apparently, he's convinced that meaningless legislative elections with pre-determined outcomes are just spiffy. We are profoundly disappointed with Mr. Horowitz, because he helped accelerate Mexifornia's descent into an unrelenting neo-Marxist hell. Thanks a ton, David, you miserable [expletives deleted].

It's now official: Any fleeting hope that Mexifornia can be saved from neo-Marxist oblivion has been crushed by the public employee union behemoth. If you're a rational, Mexifornia-dwelling adult, get the hell out, while there's still time. Why? For starters, that noise you just heard over the public employee union parasite horde's celebration, is the no longer "Golden" State's death rattle. Leave before it's too late...Let the public employee union parasites, the border jumping scumbag horde and the Marxist scum fight over Mexifornia's rotting corpse. Mexifornia can't be saved, and within a few months, it won't be worth saving. It's time to move back to Amerika, rational, Mexifornia-dwelling, adult Sparky.

Lies, Damn Lies, And Statistics
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [11/09]

Wether it’s environmentalists citing data on so-called global warming, the greedy bastards on Capitol Hill decrying oil companies windfall profits, or the properly-hyphenated spouting numbers that prove their victimhood, the blizzard of numbers - statistics, if you will - can seem very compelling, at first glance. The following dose of pagan scepticism should be studied carefully, and employed whenever someone with an axe to grind uses the numbers game to promote their cause:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. How objective is the study? Who perpetrated it? Did the researcher start with a ready-made solution then seek out data to confirm it?

Is the change real, meaningful, or a result of better research and more accurate data?

Never accept percentages at face value. Always examine them carefully, suspiciously. Anything trumpeted as an increase of (n)% is especially questionable. Going from 1 person doing (fill in the blank) to 4 people doing (fill in the blank) can be dramatized as a 300% increase.

Whenever possible look for hard numbers. How many people were in the sample group? What were the exact numbers in each category?

Health Nazis like to exaggerate real numbers - especially where death and disease are concerned - by using the following format: (n) people die of/suffer from (fill in the blank) every (n – insert unit of time...usually seconds or minutes). In this case, get out your calculator and do the math. What sounds alarming, can turn out to be smoke and mirrors when you reduce it to hard numbers. Another thing to consider is that the U.S. population numbered (281,421,906) in the 2000 Census. You might want to calculate what the total number of individuals incurring the dreaded malady represents as a percentage of the total population. [Key numbers to assist your calculations: 525,600 minutes/year; 8,760 hours/year]

Some of the most familiar statistics - the number of deaths from second hand smoke, for example - are utter bullshit. The science, such as it is, is warped until the desired results are achieved. If someone dies, from any cause, and they’ve been in the same universe as a smoker, second-hand smoke is cited as the cause of death. If you do the math on such statistics, you often find that we’re killing off the entire U.S. population, every year or so. Houston, we have a problem.

Don't let the spew of numbers distract you. Take the time to dig deeper, and get what Paul Harvey calls, 'the rest of the story'.

Self-Inflicted Wounds
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [11/05]

Why I refuse to be labeled:
It's amazing how readily otherwise intelligent adults condemn themselves to a one-word descriptor: Conservative, Liberal, Progressive, Christian, etc. Don't fall into the trap when someone demands that you describe yourself in one word or less by asking, "What are you?" With few exceptions, the question is insincere, since the inquisitor doesn't give a rip about you. All the questioner wants is some way to dismiss your views without bothering to hear them.

You are free to respond any way you want, but I refuse to label, categorize or otherwise pigeonhole myself with a one-word descriptor that will make it easy for those with flabby intellects to say 'Oh, he's one of those.' For the sake of those flabby intellects who need such a descriptor, I will provide one, but don't blame me when you find it inadequate to your alleged needs. I am, in fact, that most reviled entity on the Amerikan scene; I'm, and intend to remain, an individual.

Parsing "Pride":
Why are the usual suspects so delusional about "pride"? The properly-hyphenated bandy the term about as if they invented it and I'm beginning to wonder why. In addition to the inescapable Gay Pride, there's Womyn's Pride, Black Pride, Asian Pride, Italian Pride, Surrender Monkey Pride...you get the picture. Everywhere you turn some chronically-oppressed clown is spewing drivel about pride and I don't get it. How, exactly, can an immutable trait engender pride?

Being proud of your skin pigmentation, your gender, or your family's geographic origins makes as much sense as being proud of your shoe size or eye color. The pertinent question, in each case is: What the hell did you have to do with your assigned at birth, immutable traits? Nothing, so shut up about it already. If you must be 'proud', be proud of your real accomplishments. Be proud over those elements of your life over which you exercise meaningful control. If that leaves you with nothing to say, so be it. Just sit there quietly, until you do something more meaningful than covert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Class Warfare, Amerikan Style
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [11/05]

The Amerikan welfare state is founded on the inherently unstable collectivist axiom: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. This Marxist mantra isn't cited in those exact words by Amerikan collectivists, but their 'erecting a social safety net' drivel amounts to the same damn thing. Two salient words in this mantra are 'ability' and 'need', so it's instructive to examine each in turn.

In class warfare terms, 'ability' relates to wealth...the property, real and personal, earned by Amerikan achievers. The essential fact about wealth is that it's a dynamic - not fixed, as collectivists claim - commodity. Due to the fact that an individual or firm might, at any moment, create a new invention, process, application, or some other marketplace element, new wealth is created where none existed. The Internet, the personal computer, and cell phones, are items that created new wealth. For all its dynamism, wealth, at any given instant in time, has limits, if one confines it to mean the real, personal property amassed by achievers. Real property is where the action is, because it's the 'wealth' class warfare clowns seek to transfer. At a given instant in time, 'real' wealth is finite, so, in theory, it's possible for the class warriors to take all of it.

The other key element in the Marxist mantra, 'need', is also dynamic, but, unlike wealth, need is always infinite. If Amerika's social engineers plundered every scrap of wealth from Amerikan achievers and gave it to Amerika's chronically needy parasites, it still wouldn't be enough. Like a black hole, their need grows stronger, the more you feed into it. In fact, caving in to parasitic need accelerates its growth. Worst of all, the more you try to satisfy a parasite's need, the more obnoxious...the more demanding he gets.

Ultimately, no matter how much you give them, parasites will continue to play their 'need' card. It's the way lifelong parasites function. Contrarily, if you take everything he's got, the looted down to his last dime achiever will immediately amass more wealth, because that's the way achievers function. So, go ahead, class warfare asshats, steal every last dime. It won't do you a damn bit of good, because you'll finish right back were you started. But, be warned, the achievers may not play patsy the next time you come to impoverish them.

Stuff That Bugs Me
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Prattle Thoughts [11/03]

Elephant Clan Whining When the Donkey Clan Does What Comes Naturally
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist had a complete hissy fit after Harry Reid pulled that closed session scam on him. Frist blithered about not being able to trust Reid ever again but that just shows how gullible Frist is. Why would any rational adult trust a career skunk like Harry Reid in the first place?

This isn't the first time the Donkey Clan took advantage of Elephant Clan gullibility and it won't be the last. Frist is like Charlie Brown getting ready to kick the football. Lucy (Harry Reid in drag) is holding the football and promising, repeatedly, that he won't pull it out of the way at the last minute. Frist/Charlie Brown believes him, starts his run and ends up flat on his caboose, when Lucy/Harry Reid pulls back the football at the last minute, again.

Why can't the Elephant Clan get it through their thick heads that politics is a blood sport? Why does the Elephant Clan believe in a myth called bipartisan cooperation, a whopper than never plays out to the Elephant Clan's advantage? Grow a pair Bill and stop your damn whining.

Tax Reform That Makes Things Worse
W's special advisory committee came back with their recommendations for an impoved tax code and, predictably, it's a royal shafting for John Q. Taxpayer. Does it do one damn thing to rein in the Tax Terrorists at the IRS? Nope. Does it do one damn thing to get rid of the punitive nature of Amerika's tax scheme? Nope. Achievement/success continues to be plundered via a slightly modified "progressive" tax code. Does it impose new, higher taxes on John Q. Taxpayer? Oh hell yes.

Don't take our word for it, check out these thrilling features of this new, 'improved' tax scheme:

The mortgage interest deduction: Gone. You get a tax credit, but it's a lot less than the deduction you lost.

Deductions for state and local income taxes: Gone.

Deduction for property taxes: Gone.

Interest payments: taxed as regular income.

Tax-free employer-paid health insurance: Gone, replaced by new restrictions.

Ronald Reagan said it all: "Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it". Why would anyone in their right mind trust a government that espouses that economic view to impose fiscal discipline on itself? We need a second Amerikan Revolution, PIGsters. We need to kick these tax loving pinheads off the government gravy train and force them to get real jobs for a change. We need to start, today!

Two Sides, Same Coin
Source: Pagan Scribbler Philosophical Interlude [11/02]

Liberals
Seek to liberate the individual from his bondage to material needs via government coerced wealth redistribution.

Conservatives
Seek to liberate the individual from his spiritual bondage to man's inherently sinful nature - the 'old Adam', A.K.A. original sin - via government coerced morality.

Are 'we' clear on that "I hate philosophy" Sparky?

Musings
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [11/01]

"The truth, objective reality and immutable core concepts don't come with a 'use by' date. Yesterday, today or tomorrow they remain unchanged. Immune to the ravages of time, they are unaffected by the prevailing, transitory, political, cultural or supernatural whim." Stealth Wisdom

Objective reality is - in many people's minds - annoyingly intransigent. It's doubly irritating when it refuses to change to suit the latest wild hair someone got up their butt. A prime example is the mushrooming popularity of Creationism in a lab coat - Intelligent Design. Bolstered by Intelligent Design's newfound popularity, school boards from sea to shining sea, erroneously, claim that I.D. is science. Declaring I.D. properly scientific allows these reality-hating Educrats to force biology teachers to pretend that I.D. passes muster as real science. Wanting Creationism/Intelligent Design to be true doesn't change the fact that I.D. belongs in a philosophy class not a science class. A is still A, even in reality-hating Kansas.

It sucks that reality refuses to transform itself to please properly pious pinheads, but that's the way the communion wafer crumbles, supernaturalist Sparky. What rots supernaturalists' socks is the stop the presses fact that objective reality isn't a popularity contest, and it won't change to match the latest opinion poll numbers. Objective reality is what it is, no matter what someone "feels" about it. All the opinion polls and fervent prayers in the known universe can't change this inconvenient state of affairs. A is still A, so get over it, faith will move mountains Sparky.

The End Is Here?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Prattle Thoughts [10/30]

There are ominous signs that the long awaited day of celestial retribution is at hand. If, as I suspect, we are getting there sooner than originally planned, what did we do that prompted the Bible's anger-challenged deity to move up his schedule? PIG thinks the following events are the key tipping points that drove Old Ka-Bomb into prematurely pulling the plug on his experiment with humanity:

First Unforgivable Sin: A certain ubiquitous "famous for being famous" poster slut - Paris "the Skank" Hilton - becomes an international celebrity despite the fact that her only "accomplishments" are a trust fund and a notorious aversion to wearing underwear.

Second Unforgivable Sin: A demonstrably guilty Mikey Jackson is given a free pass to continue his pedophile ways by twelve Mexifornia morons.

Third Unforgivable Sin: Differently heterosexual thespian/infamous pinhead, Tom Cruise, sullies the Immaculate Conception by impregnating - through supernatural means - the last certified 20-something virgin in the known universe: Katie Holmes.

Unforgivable Sins Four and Five: Sylvester Stallone is poised to perpetrate the Dynamic Duo of Cinematic Suckage, 'Rocky VI', and 'Rambo IV'.

Unforgivable Sin Six: A terminally rude, routinely impious, speed bump on the information superhighway - The Politically Incorrect Gazette - continues to thrill its friends and foes alike with unrelenting inkorrectness.

Ultimate Unforgivable Sin: Ashee Simpson's new collection of screeching is number one on the music charts.

Old Ka-Boom's apocalyptic tantrum just reached critical mass, PIGsters, so make damn sure that your Rapture Survival Kit is ready for prime time. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! The end just went from "near" to "here". This is not a drill.

Scooter Strikes Out
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [10/28]

Between gulps of Karl Rove Kool-Aid, Hannity had a complete meltdown over it. The pontificating punks in the liberally biased mainstream media are gloating while they rub VRWC noses in it. The White House is marshaling its stalwart Red State forces to deal with it. And here at PIG? PIG is wondering what is so newsworthy about a political hack who - ALLEGEDLY - lied to a Grand Jury and got caught red handed when his testimony didn't match the copious notes he gave them.

Call me names if you must but I'm invoking PIG's Ultra Top Secret - okay, OKAY, we just made it up - Three Strikes Rule and giving Lewis Libby the "take a walk, strikeout breath" thumb:

Strike One: Lewis Libby is a shyster (Columbia Law School, 1975).

Strike Two: Lewis Libby is a career - more than two decades swilling from the tax funded trough - public service leech.

Strike Three: Lewis Libby is a 55 year old man who still wants to be called "Scooter".

Guilty or not...perjurer or innocent victim with a disastrously imprecise memory...none of it matters. You only get three strikes, Scooter, so haul your butt out off the public stage and make room for the next victim...batter.

Guest Commentary
Source: Unknown, but it purports to be a George Carlin rant [10/24]

[Official disclaimer: This arrived in our e-mail and is, according to the sender, a real deal rant from comedian George Carlin. PIG News can't swear that these are George's own words, but we damn sure hope they are. Whatever the source, the following words are worth sharing, so we're running them up the PIG News flagpole for your edification.]

George Carlin on New Orleans
"Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, let's go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1.) A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2.) If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.
#2a.) If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's, guns are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b.) If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3.) If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4.) If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)

#5.) My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6.) Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7.) The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living.

President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Monday Sucks
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Whine [10/24]

Like many of you, I hate Mondays. That's why, every week, I try to find something to take my mind off the fact that it's Monday, again. This week, I am pleased to find not one, but two, items that lifted my spirts. The first one comes from the sports world, where I am thrilled to discover that the University of Southern California got dumped from the top spot in the BCS poll. Seeing the Texas Longhorns ace them out of the top spot is almost enough to make me forget that the entire BCS system is a sterling example of super-sized suckage. Almost, but not quite. Hook 'em horns!

Item two comes thisclose to fulfilling one of my most cherished "if only" items. This morning, it finally happened: one of those rain-slickered numbskulls who earn a living by standing outside during a raging hurricane got flattened on nationwide television. Best of all it happened on the 'Today Show' when Al Roker went down like a bag of wet cement, courtesy of Hurricane Wilma. Call me names if you must, but the instant it happened I laughed like a mental patient.

As Mondays go, this one is shaping up quite nicely. Dare I hope for a Monday triple? An Angelina Jolie wardrobe malfunction would do just fine, but I won't slash my wrists of it's Brooke Burke, instead.

What's The Smell?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [10/21]

"I don't ask for any [pork barrel] projects. I ran on a platform of saying the biggest problem we face in our country is financial and economic, and cultural in Washington, that if we don't change that, I promised you I will not earmark a thing until the budget is in surplus." (Senator Tom Coburn)

"The American people expect their elected officials to make sacrifices in a time of war, rising deficits, and disaster recovery. Unfortunately, many members of Congress are more committed to protecting a system that allows them to fund extravagant projects at the expense of the common good. Our refusal to prioritize spending and exercise restraint has created a rumble among the American people. Tonight’s vote will only cause that rumble to grow." (Senator Tom Coburn)

If you smell something unbelievably foul emanating from Capitol Hill don't be alarmed. It's the fetid aroma wafting up from the gutless, pork-loving Senators who voted down Senator Tom Coburn's pork-busting amendment by a lop-sided 82-15 margin. For those who don't read PIG's Awards page, here are the Cliff Notes on Senator Coburn's amendment:

"This amendment will transfer funding from the wasteful pork project, the "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska, to the repair and reconstruction of the "Twin Spans" bridge in Louisiana. According to published reports, the Alaskan pork project costs $220 million for a 5.9-mile bridge connecting Gravina Island (population 50) to the Alaskan mainland. The cost of the bridge alone would be enough to buy every island resident his own personal Lear jet." (Instapundit)

PIG is disgusted - but far from shocked - that only 15 Senators were willing to do the right thing and vote for this uncharacteristically rational amendment. Here, for your thoughtful consideration, are the names of the 15 rational adults who voted for Tom Coburn's amendment, despite Ted Stevens' histrionics:

Tom Coburn (R-OK) Russ Feingold (D-WI) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) Jim DeMint (R-SC) David Vitter (R-LA) Mary Landrieu (D-LA) John Sununu (R-NH) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Richard Burr (R-NC) Wayne Allard (R-CO) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Evan Bayh (D-IN) Mike DeWine (R-OH) Kent Conrad (D-ND) George Allen (R-VA)

If your elected tormentor isn't on this list, you might want to remember this vote, the next time he, she, heshe or it is up for re-election. When the cretin starts blithering about being a fiscal conservative, throw this vote in the hack piece of crap's face.

It's hardly a shock that Senator Pork himself, Alaska's Ted "taxpayers where made to be shafted" Stevens, led the charge against Tom Coburn's dose of fiscal sanity. Coming completely unhinged, this pork loving punk defended his coveted "Bridge to Nowhere" with over-the-top prose straight from the Twilight Zone:

"If this amendment passes, the bill won't pass. And if it does pass, you'll have to take me out of here in a stretcher."

"I've been here now almost 37 years. This is the first time I have seen any attempt of any senator to treat my state in a way different from any other state."

"I don't kid people. If the Senate decides ... to take money from our state, I will resign from this body."

Since Ted Stevens has been screwing over Amerikan taxpayers for his entire 37 year Senatorial career, evicting his sorry ass from the U.S. Senate sounds like an idea whose time has come. Shafting taxpayers from the other 49 states to pay for his pork barrel obscenities might be his idea of public service, but it's damn sure not mine. Compared to Ted's bridge to nowhere, the proverbial rat hole seems like a Swiss bank.

The next time these D.C. pinheads ask you to dig deep to help out your fellow citizens in a disaster area...The next time some political clan asks you to shell out your hard-earned money to help elect/re-elect some pork barrel punk, tell the rat bastards to stick it where the sun don't shine. Until the punks on Capitol Hill start practicing some fiscal discipline with the taxpayers' hard earned money they aren't getting one damn penny.

Governor Rick Perry Joins the Fight
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [10/13]

"Texas cannot stand idly by when the safety and security of our people is threatened by multi-national criminal syndicates that seek to spread fear and do harm." (Mexas Governor Rick Perry)

The foregoing quote is all the proof you need that Governor Rick Perry came out swinging this week. In addition to venting his frustration over Uncle Sam's refusal to secure our nation's borders with several memorable quotes, the governor offered up a plan of action. Among other things, he's one of the few Elephant Clan hacks who is addressing the problem posed by border jumpers who are "OTM" (Other Than Mexican"): "In the first seven months of this year, there were 119,000 illegal immigrants from countries other than Mexico who were apprehended then released onto Texas streets." Understandably alarmed, Governor Perry proposed the construction of new "border jails" to house these invaders until they can be shipped back where they belong.

Governor Perry wants to devote state funds to hire more cops in border counties. He also wants to man and deploy four 50-member teams of state troopers who will respond, immediately, when border violence or a major border jumping scumbag incursion is detected. According to World Net Daily, other elements of his plan include:

* Fully support local law enforcement;
* Reduce violent crime along the border;
* Accelerate radio interoperability;
* Develop a bilateral all-hazards response plan;
* Leverage the expertise and experience of the National Guard to provide training and participate in response exercises; and
* Pass legislative reforms, including the expansion of state wiretap authority.

Governor Perry also took dead aim at Uncle Sam: "It is important for the federal government to understand that we have a major problem along the border with Mexico, and it is not going to go away."

PIG salutes Governor Rick Perry for joining the fight to secure our borders. We're especially pleased that he backed up his well chosen words with a plan of action.

More City of Angeles Stupidity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [10/12]

A new ordinance endorsed by the city's police commission will resolve, for all time, the City of Angeles' most pressing problem. The new get tough ordinance is, according to City Council punk Tony Cardenas, "the strictest" regulation of its kind in the USA. We know what you're dying to ask and the answer is "no". This new ordinance won't do a damn thing to pacify the city's mean streets. If this ordinance gets the city council's nod, driving through certain parts of L.A. in anything less formidable than an Abrams tank will continue to be tantamount to suicide.

This bold new concept in law enforcement- a lap dancing ban - would '...keep dancers and patrons at least six feet apart, prohibit direct tipping, and restrict performances to raised stages surrounded by railings at least 2 feet high...' (L.A. Daily News). We're assured by these law and order minions that the ordinance in question addresses the narcotics, prostitution and workplace violence that are part and parcel of lap dancing in the city's strip clubs. That, at least, is the view espoused by the city's police commission. There's just one pesky little problem with this "strip clubs are hotbeds of drug use, prostitution and assorted violence" hot air:

'...[Detective Benjamin Jones admits that] there is no direct evidence proving a link [to narcotics, prostitution and violence], he related anecdotes such as officers finding used condoms in and around clubs...'

'...[Police Commissioner Anthony Pacheco, grudgingly, agrees] "There may not be empirical data available but you're eliminating the opportunity for crimes like narcotics, prostitution and workplace violence with this ordinance."...' (L.A. Daily News, emphasis added)

You gotta love Nanny State nitwits like Commissioner Pacheco who thinks it's nifty to obliterate a property owner's inalienable rights, to eliminate "the opportunity for crimes". It's a thrilling notion, but PIG thinks that Commissioner Pacheco needs to start thinking outside the box. PIG dares to ask why Commissioner Pacheco wastes all this time and effort on a puny lap dance ban. Why doesn't the police commission grab for the Nanny State brass ring and pass an ordinance that forces everyone to leave the City of Angeles? No people, means no "opportunity for crime" of any sort.

This lap dance ordinance crap is capital "P" pathetic. The city's streets are a free fire zone. The freeways are goddamn shooting galleries, but the biggest issue on the Police Commission's plate is outlawing lap dancing. It's this kind of crap that makes PIG call the City of Angeles "HELL A".

Multiculturalism's Inherent Racism
Source: Capitalism Magazine [10/10]

Michael Berliner, a senior advisor at the Ayn Rand Institute, took the pinheads who malign Christopher Columbus to task with this stellar prose:

'...Underlying the political collectivism of the anti-Columbus crowd is a racist view of human nature. They claim that one's identity is primarily ethnic: if one thinks his ancestors were good, he will supposedly feel good about himself; if he thinks his ancestors were bad, he will supposedly feel self-loathing. But it doesn't work; the achievements or failures of one's ancestors are monumentally irrelevant to one's actual worth as a person. Only the lack of a sense of self leads one to look to others to provide what passes for a sense of identity. Neither the deeds nor misdeeds of others are his own; he can take neither credit nor blame for what someone else chose to do. There are no racial achievements or racial failures, only individual achievements and individual failures. One cannot inherit moral worth or moral vice. "Self-esteem through others" is a self-contradiction.

Thus the sham of "preserving one's heritage" as a rational life goal. Thus the cruel hoax of "multicultural education" as an antidote to racism: it will continue to create more racism...' (Capitalism Magazine)

When it comes to thought-provoking commentary from a unique, seldom heard perspective, Capitalism Magazine delivers the goods, day in, day out. Isn't it time for you to give your mind some new intellectual fodder?

On The Comeback Trail In Dixie
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [10/05]

Some might call it divine intervention, while certain cynics claim it's a dude who can't take no for an answer. Whatever your attitude, you need to know that former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, Roy Moore, just announced that he wants to be the Heart of Dixie's next governor. If you wouldn't know Roy Moore if he fell on you, we're shocked, shocked I tell you.

Normally, PIG doesn't endorse political candidates, but we freely admit that we'd be more than a tad tickled if Righteous Roy bagged the Governor's job in the Heart of Dixie. We know what you're thinking, Southern Fried Sparky and, you're wrong, as usual. Yes, it's true that over the years certain PIG staffers - our Executive Editor being a repeat offender - have maligned Alabama by calling it "Talibanma", a name he 'borrowed' from the now defunct Texas Mercury. Be that as it may, we'd still like to see Roy installed in the governor's office in Montgomery. The only way his election could make us giddier has him installing Roy's Rock in the state capitol building.

Why, you ask, would we want a dude like Roy Moore elected governor of Alabama? Because, in our fevered brains, Governor Roy would make Alabama a terminally-fun place for the next four years and give PIG all the thrilling story material it could handle. Vote early, vote often, vote Roy.

George Will Sounds Off
Source: Town Hall Commentary [10/04]

Columnist George Will didn't pull any punches when he penned this commentary on W's Supreme Court nominee, Harriet Miers. Since Mr. Will is a wordsmith of the highest order, we'll sit back and let him do the heavy rhetorical with these tasty tidbits:

'...there is no reason to believe that Miers' nomination resulted from the president's careful consultation with people capable of such judgments. If 100 such people had been asked to list 100 individuals who have given evidence of the reflectiveness and excellence requisite in a justice, Miers' name probably would not have appeared in any of the 10,000 places on those lists...'

'...It is important that Miers not be confirmed unless, in her 61st year, she suddenly and unexpectedly is found to have hitherto undisclosed interests and talents pertinent to the court's role. Otherwise the sound principle of substantial deference to a president's choice of judicial nominees will dissolve into a rationalization for senatorial abdication of the duty to hold presidents to some standards of seriousness that will prevent them from reducing the Supreme Court to a private plaything useful for fulfilling whims on behalf of friends...'

'...Under the rubric of "diversity'' -- nowadays, the first refuge of intellectually disreputable impulses -- the president announced, surely without fathoming the implications, his belief in identity politics and its tawdry corollary, the idea of categorical representation. Identity politics holds that one's essential attributes are genetic, biological, ethnic or chromosomal -- that one's nature and understanding are decisively shaped by race, ethnicity or gender. Categorical representation holds that the interests of a group can only be understood, empathized with and represented by a member of that group...' (Town Hall)

George needs to stop mincing words and tell us what he really thinks.

Restoring Proper Graybar Guest Demographics
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [09/30]

Enough is enough! If I hear one more lefty pinhead blithering about Amerika's egregiously unfair prison population demographics, I'm gonna go postal. The usual suspects' whine always starts the same way: there are, quite simply, too many properly-hyphenated individuals in Amerika's prisons. By a wide margin, the Melanin-Enriched are horrendously over-represented in Amerika's prison systems the whiners thunder. To shut them up, albeit temporarily, PIG will play this silly game and stipulate that this graybar guest disparity is, as so many 'activists' proclaim, an intolerable situation that must be resolved, immediately.

Channeling our notorious sensitivity, the PIG staff is trying its best to be shocked, shocked I tell you, over this blatant graybar guest racism. Fearlessly pursuing our goal to shut these whiners up, PIG will see if there are any terminally PIGish ways to 'get 'er done' on graybar guest fairness.

The good news here is that properly-hyphenated criminals are doing their part, and then some. The bad news is that, as usual, whitey isn't doing his fair share of law breaking. The problem, in our PIGish view, isn't the fact that too many blacks, Latinos and Asians are committing crimes. The problem is, as usual, whitey refusing to do his duty to his country: whitey isn't chalking up enough graybar hotel guest qualifying felonies.

PIG is up to here with all the hand-wringing these lefties are doing over these prison demographics...Hand-wringing is for sissies. PIG spits on this lefty hand-wringing and demands that these nitwits stop this whining and get 'proactive' about whitey's shocking under-representation in our prison systems. If this is such a big damn problem then let's fix it. Resolving our prison population's shocking deviation from the that Holy Grail of "fairness", U.S. Census data, isn't brain surgery. In fact PIG can think of four steps that can be taken immediately, to restore prison demographics fairness and make these whining, activist pinheads shut the hell up:

Police, at all levels, should be banned from arresting properly-hyphenated individuals, especially Melanin-Enriched individuals, who differently obey our laws. This ban must stay in force until the appropriate, census-driven graybar demographics are restored. This point is not negotiable.

Public service campaigns should be mounted, from sea to shining sea, to encourage oppressors to do their patriotic duty by committing - and confessing to - their fair share of Amerika's felonious crimes.

Uncle Sam must organize, finance and staff a special task force to guide young oppressors into a life of crime. Since so many whites don't have proper criminal role models, it might be necessary to 'draft' certain young oppressors and send them to prison for 6 months to a year. This allows them to learn their new trade from the experts then serve as felonious role models for their friends when they hit the streets.

Paroled graybar guests should be enlisted for a "Crime Buddy" program that would pair them up with law-abiding oppressor young 'uns. Each oppressor criminal trainee would be 'guided' through some starter crimes by their Crime Buddy, allowing them to bag some hands-on training in crime. Since the "Crime Buddy" is on parole, it's a slam dunk that their criminal trainee will get caught, allowing the criminal trainee to graduate and help restore 'fairness' to our graybar guest demographics.

I know what you're thinking PIGsters, and I appreciate your enthusiasm for this worthy, graybar guest fairness cause. But, it might not be the right time to yank Percy and Peaches out of that Ivory Tower and start using that tuition money to hire a parolee as your whitey offspring's "Crime Buddy". According to PIG's top secret study, there are plenty of oppressors who are thisclose to graybar guest status. The problem is that they're stuck in a rut doing petty theft, shoplifting and garden variety vandalism. Before you start Percy and Peaches on the road to a felony conviction, look up that sorry ass punk they called a friend - the one who made you so miserable all through your kids' high school years. He, she, heshe or it is the one who needs a rational adult to put him on the road to a politically-correct felony, in the name of proper prison population diversity. Go ahead and imagine the punk in a prison cell...It's even okey dokey to laugh out loud. We promise not to tell anybody.

Are we all on the same page now, graybar guest fairness Sparky?

Taking A Meat Cleaver to the Budget
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [09/24]

Conservative Elephant Clan congressmen have a plan that will, they promise, cut $500 billion dollars in spending over the next 10 years, freeing up the necessary money to pay for rebuilding hurricane damaged cities along the Gulf Coast. Their plan involves cutting such things as: one year of Medicare prescription coverage; dumping NASA's manned Mars mission; flushing the pork larded on to the recently passed transportation bill; cut federal support for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting; charge federal employees for parking. The list is long and one that looks good to this pagan.

Maybe Hurricane Katrina did more good than harm, if it has some Elephant Clan congressmen talking seriously about cutting back spending. It sucks that it took a category 4 hurricane to get their damn attention, but I can live with that if you can.

Being A Rational Adult In An Irrational World Sucks
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [09/20]

Life, for a rational adult, really starts to suck whenever he, she, heshe or it butts heads with his differently rational peers. In fact, political correctness is a direct, utterly predictable consequence of these collisions between rational and differently-rational individuals. You'd think that rational adults would be up to speed on this concept, because the world has worked this way since some stone age intellectual flat-liner burned his fingers in the cooking fire after a rational stone age adult told him not to touch the flames. Am I up to speed on this rational adult suckage? More or less, but it's still very damn annoying.

For your edification, here are some examples of this venerable concept in action:

When everyone insisted that "the world is flat", some rational adult observed reality through unclouded eyes and announced: "You're wrong about the Earth being flat and here's why". He was right. A was still A, even then, but the flat Earth pinheads probably killed him anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational flat Earth world.

When the Pope, the church and all of Christendom declared that the Earth is the center of the universe, a rational adult named Galileo observed reality and came to a different conclusion. After watching the moons circling Jupiter through a telescope and studying Venus, he told the whole world about his findings in a prescient tome called ‘The Dialogues’. He was right. A was still A, but the Inquisition terrorized him into recanting his findings, jailed him for the rest his life and banned all his writings for the next two centuries anyway. It sucked being a rational adult in an irrational Christian world.

When Islamikaze cretins flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, rational adults chided the president that this isn't a war against some amophous, disembodied entity called 'terrorism'. "World domination, by force if necessary, is a core Tenet of Islam.", they warned. They're right. A is still A, but Uncle Sam still dances to CAIR's tune and refuses to profile the most likely terrorists: young, Middle Eastern men. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Islamikaze world.

When Uncle Sam steadfastly refused to do his sworn duty to protect our nation from border jumping scumbag invaders, some rational adults assessed the situation and decided to do what needed to be done. Forming the Minuteman Defense Corps, they brought border jumping to a standstill on the border section they patrolled, telling Uncle Sam, "See, this is how you can stop this invasion." They're right. A is still A, but the political punks keep coddling border jumping scumbags and the Colonistas slander Chris Simcox with the invective "racist" anyway. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Colonista plagued world.

When the true believers disguised Creationism with wig, a beard and a lab coat, called it Intelligent Design then sold it to government cess-schools as a valid scientific concept that belongs in a science classroom, rational science degreed adults didn't buy it for a second. "Intelligent Design/Creationism isn't science and it never will be," they declared and they're right. A is still A, but the alleged scientists who shill for I.D. don't want to talk about that and the Educrats who give it their okey dokey don't want to hear about it. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational Creationist world.

When Uncle Sam spends billions, trillions, more dollars than he's got, rational adults warn that it's a mistake because, sooner or later, that debt will come due. They're right. A is still A, but the big spending hacks don't want to talk about it and the Kool-Aid drinking VRWC apologists insist that a whopping debt run up by the Elephant Clan is okey dokey because, as out of control as the debt is, it's "an acceptable fraction" of Amerika's GNP. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational deficit spending world.

When some people get more money back from the IRS than Uncle Sam took from them, rational adults indict this tax return largesse as wealth redistribution with the IRS doing the welfare state's dirty work. They're right. A is still A, but the wealth redistribution "winners" don't care where the boodle comes from, as long as they get their cut. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational wealth redistribution world.

When multicultural meatheads blither that all cultures, especially obscure third world cultures, are equal - even superior - to Western Culture, rational adults put down their Shakespeare and wonder aloud what the hell these multicultural mutants are smoking. "The 'superior' Aztec culture practiced human sacrifice. Certain 'noble' third world cultures still enslave sovereign individuals. Certain 'noble' Islamic cultures murder women who 'sully the family name' while others stone to death women who were victims of rape. All cultures are not created equal." They're right. A is still A, but the Cultural Marxists who infest our Ivory Towers continue to indoctrinate college students with this multicultural bovine excrement. It sucks being a rational adult in an irrational multicultural world.

Do we have the big 'why being a rational adult sucks' picture now, Sparky? "We" better, because a pop quiz is not out of the question.

Silly Season Is Over
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [09/19]

The first thing you need to know is that, some time ago, I made a reasoned decision to reject all forms of supernaturalism. This non-negotiable decision includes all three known forms of supernaturalism: cultural, theological and political. Whether it's things that go bump in the night (i.e. why is a skank like Paris Hilton famous), the all seeing magic sky daddy, or the prevailing mantra that the Nanny State is better equipped to run my life than I am, such supernaturalism is utterly irrelevant in the annoyingly real world in which I reside.

Now that we're on the same page, there are a few items whose annoyance indexes are dangerously close to critical mass.

Item: The words "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance
Michael Newdow needs to take up a new hobby, because his old one, lighting a fire under true believers over the words "under God" in the Pledge, is getting on my last raw nerve. I am, like this dipstick, a non-believer, but the similarities end there. I know who I am,. I know what I am. Most important of all, I am secure in my convictions. "One nation under God", "In God We Trust", "Endowed by Their Creator" don't bother me in the least because I understand that the bedrock upon which this nation is founded is not the Bible, Christianity, or a generic belief in a deity. All these ubiquitous references to the Biblical deity don't change the fact that this nation is build upon a solid foundation of inalienable individual liberty. This Newdow clown is making Amerika's supernaturalists go postal over stupid stuff and he needs to knock it the hell off.

Item: The cross on the Los Angeles County Seal
The presence of a barely perceptible cross on the Los Angeles County Seal didn't 'whelm' me one way or the other. As a non-believer, I wasn't outraged, oppressed or otherwise bothered in any way by its existence. As a taxpayer, however, I am seriously pissed over the time, expense and hot air expended in getting rid of the damn thing. If that puny cross destroyed life as some synaptically-challenged secularist knows it, he, she, heshe or it has serious psychological problems that require immediate attention. Enough already about the cross on the L.A. County Seal!

Item: Intelligent Design
Intelligent Design (I.D.) is, as any objective observer can see, nothing more than Creationism dressed up in a wig, beard and lab coat to look like real science. It's not now, and never will be science, so the true believers need to stop pretending that it is. If, as true believers insist, I.D. belongs in government cess-schools, it should be taught in a philosophy class, where theories about "origins" belong. This isn't rocket science, so why is everyone making this mess more complicated that necessary? Teach Evolution in science class and teach I.D. in a philosophy class, then shut the hell up and never bring this topic up again.

Item: Nativity Scenes, Ten Commandments Monuments, and Crosses on public land
One of my primary purposes in life is to make nitwits stop yammering about dumb stuff like nativity scenes, and Ten Commandments monuments. I know what such things mean to true believers. I also understand that these items give certain secularists with way too much time on their hands a good excuse to launch a few true believers into emotional orbit. None of this changes the fact that all this yammering about such things needs to stop, right damn now.

Am I thrilled about paying for this stuff with my tax dollars? Not particularly, but getting rid of them is so far down my list of things that require my personal attention, I'd need the Hubble Telescope to see it. For those who obsess on such benchmarks, the last time I looked "ban public displays of supernaturalism on public land" was several notches below "get baseball to dump this asinine designated hitter notion" and just above "have somebody explain the infield fly rule to me, again".

At the risk of terrifying you into a suicidal depression, I am appointing myself Amerika's Designated Rational Adult (DRA). In my official DRA capacity, I am declaring that Silly Season is over. Knock this crap off, Silly Season Sparky, because we have bigger fish to fry, starting with the border jumping scumbag invasion.

Pass the word: Silly Season is over! This is not a drill.

Whopper Of The Month
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [09/14]

When the Elephant Clan congressional majority decided to pay for the Hurricane Katrina relief by borrowing the money instead of trying to shrink the size of the bottomless federal rathole through budget cuts, you had to know that sooner or later, somebody would pigeonhole a top GOP hack and hit him with it. The two-fisted spending chickens came home to roost this week when House Majority Leader Tom DeLay got grilled about the Elephant Clan's decision to add to this year's $331,000,000,000 federal budget deficit to pay for the Hurricane Katrina recovery.

"My answer to those that want to offset the spending is sure, bring me the offsets, I'll be glad to do it. But nobody has been able to come up with any yet," (Congressman DeLay as quoted by the Washington Times)

When asked if "the government was running at peak efficiency", Tommy opined:

"Yes, after 11 years of Republican majority we've pared it down pretty good." (Times)

PIG isn't sure what alternative reality Congressman DeLay inhabits but, in the real world, his Elephant Clan majority racked up a $303 billion dollar spending increase between fiscal year 2001 and 2005. We know what you're thinking but you're wrong: the American Conservative Union points out that this total does not include military or homeland security spending. On the spending cuts side, Citizens Against Government Waste compiled a list of $2 trillion in budget cuts that can be achieved over the next 5 years. Reality is such a bitch that way, right Tommy?

Are we the only ones struck by the irony that an Elephant Clan congressional leader is invoking a favorite Bubba Clinton tactic by parsing his words? Probably, but we can live with that. For Tommy DeLay, it all depends on what you mean by 'bare bones budget'. PIG suspects that, in Tommy DeLay's alternative universe, Teddy Kennedy is anorexic.

Afterthought:
PIG heard Rush's "Tom is kidding" prose and we're not impressed. As far as we can tell, Tom DeLay doesn't even have a sense of humor, let alone one that imaginative. No sale, Rush, but it was a valiant effort.

Putrid Political Hack Games
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [09/11]

With millions along Amerika's Gulf Coast homeless...with the sea coast in Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana in shambles...with gas prices in the stratosphere...with Islamikazes painting another terrorist attack bull's-eye on Amerika...with our borders wide damn open...you'd think that congress would have bigger fish to fry than a massacre that happened 90 years ago in Turkey. You'd think, but don't try and convince Rep. Adam Schiff, a Donkey Clan punk from Mexifornia. Since his district has a huge Armenian population, his number one with a bullet issue is getting the U.S. Congress to declare a horrendous massacre of Armenians by the now defunct Ottoman Empire "genocide". Adam is hot and bothered about getting the House International Relations Committee to give an official okey dokey to a bill that pins a "genocide" label on this slaughter.

For those who need the Armenian massacre Cliff Notes, here are the pertinent facts from the 2005 Edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica:

"The last and deadliest of the massacres occurred during World War I (1914–18). Armenians from the Caucasus region of the Russian Empire formed volunteer battalions to help the Russian army against the Turks. Early in 1915 these battalions recruited Turkish Armenians from behind the Turkish lines. In response, the Turkish government ordered the deportation of about 1,750,000 Armenians to Syria and Mesopotamia. In the course of this forced exodus, about 600,000 Armenians died of starvation or were killed by Turkish soldiers and police while en route in the desert. Hundreds of thousands more were forced into exile."

Congressman Schiff might want to know that the aforementioned Ottoman Empire went out of business in 1922, and got chopped up in to several countries one of which is Turkey. He should already know that the Turkish government has offered to set up a joint Armenian-Turkish commission of historians to investigate the massacres. He should also know that Uncle Sam calling this "genocide" doesn't accomplish any-damn-thing.

Adam, dude, as horrendous as this slaughter was, it happened almost a century ago. The Ottoman Empire is long gone. What's the point? How far back in history do you want to go with these congressional Monday morning quarterback antics? What's next, some I-talian-Amerikan legicrat authoring a bill declaring that the sack of Rome in 455 AD by the Vandals is an act of terrorism? Will some Torah True Believer legicrat author legicrap that demands reparations for Babylon's destruction of Jerusalem in 586 BC? Maybe some wild hair up his butt atheist will sue the Pope and demand an apology from Old Ka-Boom for flooding the entire planet. Hmm...Sue the Pope. Demand an apology from Old Ka-Boom? Excuse me while I go dial Sam Shyster at 1-800-NAILEM.

Is Islam Our Enemy?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [09/11]

[Today we must force ourselves to ignore the "pressing" news of the day. We must shelve our obsession with Hurricane Katrina. We must set aside our mounting anger over our nation's egregious unprotected borders. We must even force ourselves to forget that we need to mortgage our house to fill our ride's gas tank. We must clear our minds and focus on what happened to America on September 11, 2001. We must set aside the hot air spewed by the Cindy Sheehan's, the CAIR punks and those lefty political hacks, all of whom insist that Amerika brought the 9-11 attack on itself.

Minds cleared, grimly determined to face these disturbing facts, we must take a long, hard, objective look at the enemy we face and its long-term objectives. It's not my idea of a good time either, but it's a necessary evil.]

The president and his loyal minions insist that we are not at war with Islam. In one sense, he's right. In another, he's very, very wrong, dangerously wrong. Osama Bin Laden may be, as so many claim, the leader of a fringe, ultra radical, fundamentalist Islamic sect, but focusing on Osama misses the point. The fact is that for a significant number - hundreds of millions - of true believers, Islam is more than a religion. It's a political movement that seeks to impose its 7th century notions on everyone, believers and unbelievers alike. The truest of the true believers - Osama is one of them - these Islamikazes are, invariably, the most active, most vocal, most influential members of their religion. Their goal is nothing less than world domination and they plan to achieve it, one country at a time.

The process is simple, but very effective. Phase one involves becoming the dominant voice within a country's primary Islamic institutions, plus staging a vigorous campaign to attract new converts:

First, the fundamentalists take control of mosques. They also seize control of Islamic schools, youth groups, community centers, political organizations, and professional organizations. Within these groups they spread their radical agenda that includes political control, the imposition of Islamic law - Sharia - on all of a country's citizens no matter what their beliefs.

Another initial step is to infiltrate the so-called underclasses, especially the poor and the chronically discontent, where they quickly build up a critical mass of converts. It's a simple matter to wean these eager new true believers off their initial, fuzzball flavor of Islam and transform their belief to the more radical variety. This feat is performed in the schools, mosques and other Islamic institutions controlled by the fundamentalists.

A highly successful tactic deployed during this first phase of the campaign involves using a given country's existing laws to gain special rights or protections for Mecca Maniacs. A World Net Daily commentary provided the following facts on this activity as it's being carried out in the Islamists' top candidate for an Islamic State, the United States of America:

Promoting Islamic rituals and customs in the public square. Islamists want secular authorities to permit students in public institutions, for example, to recite the basmallah (the formula "In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate") in classroom exercises. They also want the right to broadcast over outdoor loudspeakers the five daily Islamic calls-to-prayer. Similarly, they have agitated for publicly maintained prayer facilities in such institutions as schools and airports.

Privileges for Islam. Islamists seek public financial support for Islamic schools, mosques, and other institutions. They also lobby for special quotas for Muslim immigrants, try to compel corporations to make special allowances for Muslim employees, and demand the formal inclusion of Muslims in affirmative-action plans.

Restricting or disallowing what others may do. Islamists want law-enforcement agencies to criminalize activities like drinking and gambling that are offensive to Islam. While seeking wide latitude for themselves, for instance when it comes to expressing disrespect for American national symbols, they would penalize expressions of disrespect for religious figures whom Islam deems holy, especially the prophet Muhammad; punish criticism of Islam, Islamism, or Islamists; and close down critical analysis of Islam.

The second phase begins when an Islamic political party gains control of a government. Once in power, the rights and freedoms of all citizens, especially those who don't venerate Allah, are essentially abolished. Depending on the strength of the Islamic party in power, the resulting nation can be as oppressive as Iran, Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or as benign as Turkey.

In most cases, the results are chilling. Pakistan, a member in good standing of Uncle Sam's anti-terrorism coalition, has hundreds of Islamic schools, all of which have been proven to be nothing more than indoctrination centers for a new generation of Islamic fundamentalists. Nigeria is on the verge of a religious civil war, as one state after another imposes Sharia on all its citizens. A virtual who's who of hot spots world wide can trace the source of their troubles to this political brand of Islam: Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Yemen, Sudan, the Phillippines, Syria, Lebanon, Algeria, Egypt, the Kashmir province in India, and let's not forget Afghanistan, a country that those lovely Taliban transformed in to a 'hell on Earth'.

Osama's brave new Islamic world, won't tolerate the likes of: William Shakespeare, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Albert Einstein, Madam Curie, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Victor Hugo, Aristotle, Leonardo Di Vinci, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison. Osama's brave new Islamic world would eradicate: N.O.W; the ACLU; the NAACP; Christians; Jews; Buddhists; Hindus; atheists; Republicans; Democrats; Libertarians; secular media like CNN, Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, Time, Newsweek, Chicago Tribune, the Times of London, BBC; schools like Stanford, Harvard, MIT, Cal Tech, Oxford and Cambridge. In Osama's brave new Islamic world, there will be no progress of any kind: no new discoveries, no medical breakthroughs, no scientific advances, no technology to make life easier for everyone. Osama's brave new Islamic world would deny us the great literature that inspires us, the music that enchants us, the movies that entertain us, the sports that thrill us, and the individual liberty that sustains us. In Osama's brave new Islamic world: the boundaries of human knowledge will shrink; the quality of life will become abysmal; the average life span will decrease dramatically; abject poverty and despair will suffocate the human race. We've been down this road once before. It was called the Dark Ages, for a good reason.

Do you want to repeal the civil rights of women? Do you want to subject your daughters to that horrific ritual mutilation the Mecca Maniacs call 'female circumcision'? Do you really want to live in a world run by an international Taliban? Do you really want to live in a world where the most vile form of supernaturalism obliterates our inherent right to 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness'? Do you really want to live in a world where 7th century religious fanatics dictate our every thought, word and action? If not, then wake up and smell the coffee, before it's too late.

In the end, we get back to the central question: Is this a war on Islam? The answer is, has to be, hell yes! It's a war on this virulent, political style of Islam that would enslave us all. In fact, this is a war against all forms of state-imposed supernaturalism. There can be no peaceful co-existence with this Islam, because, pure Islam, is - always has been - a belief system that demands total control of every human on this planet. This is a war for our very survival. The sooner we accept this, the better.

[Islam and America's inalienable individual liberty are fundamentally incompatible. They are the philosophical equivalent of matter and anti-matter. When the two philosophies come into contact - KA-BOOM! - all hell breaks loose. The most dangerous fact about Osama and his terrorist asshats is that, unlike most Amerikans...including the president...they understand that this is a fight to the death between two diametrically opposed philosophies. The Islamikaze's who planned and executed the 9-11 attacks recognize that inalienable individual liberty is Islam's mortal enemy. Both cannot coexist side-by-side without destroying each other. The Islamist zealots know that inalienable liberty will destroy their suffocating supernaturalism and they're determined to stop that, by any means at their disposal.

It's time to pull our heads out of our butts and face the unpleasant - for most Amerikan's - fact that in this war Islam is the enemy. How many more 9-11's must Amerika endure before we wake the hell up and get serious about Political, World-Conquering Islam?]

Baby Steps Toward Reality
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [09/04]

The shock treatments might be working, finally, because our esteemed Oval Office denizen, Vicente W. Bush is, belatedly, heeding the lesson from the last president who granted border jumping scumbags amnesty. Unwilling to go that far to please his daddy, Vicente Fox, W decided to impose a February 2004 cutoff date for his border jumping scumbag amnesty. If you invaded our country before that date, you're Vincente W. Bush cool. If you arrived after that date, you'll probably need to invest in a paper trail that will put you here years before the instant you put your Colonista scumbag foot on Amerikan soil.

According to the usual News Nitwit suspects, W is trying to strike a balance between two potent camps, both of which are vital to continued Elephant Clan success. In one corner, we have the deep, campaign funding, capitalist pockets who knife sovereign Amerikan individuals in the back by hiring border jumpers. In the opposite corner, we have the 'getting angrier by the minute' Amerikan citizens who, thus far, keep punching a chad for the Elephant Clan.

Call me names if you must, but I don't see W choosing Amerikan sovereignty over those enriching campaign contributions. Given his inability to abandon a position once he takes it, W isn't likely to do the right thing about protecting Amerika from this border jumping invasion in this, or any other, political lifetime.

Being that kind of pagan, I'll probably enjoy watching W pretending to give a flaming damn about our unprotected borders. He'll spread some "I feel your pain" fertilizer to placate the hostile, close the damn borders horde on his right flank and trust that the Elephant Clan's "We suck on illegal immigration, but they suck more" campaign mantra will win the day, again. Will it work? Probably, and that's likely to drive the final nail in Amerikan sovereignty's coffin.

Amerika's fate...Amerikan sovereignty, hangs in the balance and you're the one who can settle the issue, chad-punching Sparky. As long as you let the Elephant Clan get away with this "We suck, but they suck more" bovine excrement, you're flushing Amerika down the crapper. The time has come to send a message to both political parties. It's time to issue a non-negotiable Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear on the border jumping scumbag invasion: we won't tolerate this invasion, one instant longer. It's time to clean house in D.C., starting with the 2006 election cycle. It's your country, red white and blue Sparky. Are you ready to save it, or do you want to play Surrender Monkey and hand the U.S.A. over to the border jumping scumbag horde? It's a slam dunk that Vicente W. Bush and his border jumping scumbag loving pals won't do it. Send the message, Sparky...Send it NOW!

The City In The Hole By The Sea
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [09/02]

Speaker of the House Hastert stirred up a hornet's nest when he opined that rebuilding New Orleans where it stands doesn't make sense, in the long term. He suggests that the city be bulldozed, but he's not holding his breath waiting for anyone to stand up and salute that idea. You don't need a crystal ball to predict that his comments were not well received. Is Speaker Hastert tragically misguided? Not necessarily.

In 1718, the Surrender Monkeys found a swamp in a [9 feet below sea level] hole at the edge of the ocean and decided to build a city there. It probably seemed like a nifty idea, at the time...to them. By 1762 the French realized what a pain it was to keep New Orleans high and dry so they dumped in on the Spanish. Good riddance was short lived, however, because Napoleon got it back in 1800. It only took him 3 years to find out that the swamp was a pain to keep dry, so he sold the city in the hole by the sea to a clueless young lad named Uncle Sam. Two centuries later, nothing much has changed. The city in the hole by the sea is still a pain to keep dry and, try as we might, we can't find anybody who wants to take the city in the hole off our hands.

Let's get real about the city in the hole. New Orleans, for all its fabled charm, is a city in the bottom of a hole at the ocean's edge. Any rational adult knows that New Orleans is deluge waiting to happen. The only thing missing is some bearded relic in a moo-moo leading critters two-by-two into the world's biggest floating zoo. Maybe it's time to fill the damn hole and move the city to higher ground. You heard it here first.

Seeking An Elegant Hugo Chavez Solution
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [08/30]

According to a commentary in World Net Daily, Pat Robertson's sin wasn't wanting Hugo Chavez gone. His sin was invoking an earthly solution like assassination, rather than opt for a more suitable, heavenly solution. The writer is on to something, but he, too, fails to invoke the obvious solution. As usual, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before we get to the obvious, let's discuss the writer's heavenly solution.

"Praying" Chavez out - as the commentary suggests - is, admittedly, a tad more elegant than sending in a hit squad, but prayer, too, can be problematic. For starters, it leaves Chavez's fate up to the deity invoked, allowing - in a worse case scenario - a return to power for Hugo, somewhere down the road. Also, prayer is time consuming and may not 'bear fruit', for weeks, months, even years because truth be told, ousting Hugo probably isn't high on the Old Testament deity's "things to do" list.

A better solution, plays to the Biblical deity's well-documented predilection for mayhem. Okay...Okay! Maybe "predilection" is a tad strong, but the O.T. proves, conclusively, that the Biblical deity is gifted, when it comes to mass destruction. Instead of praying for "HIM" to give Chavez his walking papers, why not reach for that Old Testament deity brass ring and invoke some old fashioned "smiting"? I know what you're thinking and taking my name in vain won't change the Biblical deity's track record, so get over it, true believer Sparky.

The facts speak for themselves, and the solution is as simple as this: What's the point in having a terminally-vengeful, bipolar deity like Old Ka-Boom, if you can't invoke him to perpetrate some long overdue "smiting" on a cretin like Hugo Chavez? All things considered, I'll refrain from holding my breath while I wait for a rousing "amen" from the congregation.

What PIG Isn't
Source: Pagan Scribbler Commentary [08/27]

An ex-PIGster wrote us recently to tell us we are, officially, off his reading list and to complain about our writing style. The Cliff Notes on his complaint boils down to "Drop all the cutesy names like Mexifornia, Mexas, Hell-A, etc. and stick to the facts". His point would be well taken if PIG deluded itself into thinking it is a hard-hitting, conventional, news enterprise. The truth, PIGsters - all three of you to whom we are not related by blood, or bonded to by alleged friendship - lies elsewhere. Quite frankly, we just don't take ourselves that seriously, and you shouldn't either.

If you're reading PIG to get the unblemished "who, what, when, where, why", you're doomed to disappointment. That's not what PIG tries to deliver. We do, in our inept, overly cutesy, way give you a smattering of the legendary 5 W's, but we embellish the facts with a generous dose of an underappreciated sixth 'W': What the hell are they smoking? If that's the attitude you seek on this information superhighway speed bump, you came to the right place. Are we all on the same page now, knock off the cutesy prose, Sparky?

ENOUGH ALREADY!
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [08/25]

I'm going to perpetrate a Nixon and make one thing perfectly clear: I hate the [numerous expletives deleted] news cycle that elevates non-entities like Cindy Sheehan to undeserved, utterly damn annoying, heroine status. I am so up to here with Cindy and her peacenik bovine excrement that it can't be quantified. Okay, I understand that her son died in Iraq, but she's not the first mother to bury her 'died defending his country' son and she won't be the last. Your son is dead, Cindy, and that's, no shit, a tragedy, but what the [more deleted expletives] do you want ME to do about it? It's time for you to face the fact that your son died performing a dangerous job that he felt highly motivated to do. I'm bummed for you Cindy, okay? Now, shut the hell up and crawl back under your rock with the rest of the Amerika-hating lefty asshats.

It's bad enough that the usual suspects in the terminally-lefty News Nitwit horde won't shut the hell up about this woman, but now the VRWC Kool-Aid swilling blockheads are yammering about her, too. I can force myself to ignore the ultra lib MSM, because they're just doing what comes naturally. But, Kool-Aid swilling boom box babblers like Hannity are making me go postal with this non-stop yammering about the MSM's obsession with Cindy's egregiously over-rated protest. It's time for every damn one of them to knock it the hell off!

The only good news on the news cycle front comes from Mother Nature who managed to distract the News Nitwits, temporarily, with a hurricane. I'd like to think she did it to drown out the Cindy marathon, but that dog don't hunt, since this tempest is aimed at Florida, not Mexas. Maybe she's using this warning shot to give this peacenik wench one last warning. If Cindy doesn't pack up her toys and go back home, stat, Mother Nature will nail Mexas with the big one. Take a hint, Cindy...don't make Mother Nature come over there.

Update (08/26/2005)
Just shoot me! Anyone who thinks that Cindy Sheehan will fade back into long overdue obscurity after W decamps from Crawford, is in for a rude awakening. According to a fishwrap piece, this [expletive intensive tirade deleted] peacenik piece of crap plans to torture us, thereafter, with a - you might want to grab a brewskie NOW - three week bus tour from Crawford to Washington D.C. Like I said, just shoot me now, because I am thisclose to going postal on this [prolonged expletive-filled tantrum deleted] peacenik pissant.

Bite Me, You Colonista-Loving Bastard!
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [08/21]

"One of the things the Real ID Act does is to build a double fence where there will be a path that the Border Patrol can run cars and SUVs on, between 40 and 50 miles an hour, to catch illegal aliens who jump over the first fence before they get to the second fence. " (U.S. Rep. James Sensenbrenner)

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson showed his true colors today when he told ABC's "This Week" that putting a fence along our undefended border with Mexico "sends a message that America is a nation that is not valuing immigrants". Wrong, you traitorous, border jumping scumbag coddling son-of-a-bitch! Building a fence along our border tells these Colonista invaders that "If you want to enter Amerika, you better use the front goddamn door, Chico."

PIG finds it very hard to believe that this Colonista loving, Donkey Clan piece of political hack crap doesn't know the difference between a legal immigrant who plays by our immigration rules and a border jumping scumbag son-of-a-bitch who takes a dump on our laws by invading our country. Nobody is that damn stupid.

New Mexico's rational adults should dump their Colonista coddling governor like a bad habit, because he's obsessed with elbowing W out of the way so Billy can become Vicente Fox's number one, butt-smooching lapdog.

Featured Guest Commentary
[The pinheads who keep blithering that "Political Correctness is so '80's, man" need to zip it up and take a walk in Paul Prete's shoes. Maybe, just maybe, that will opern their eyes to the fetid fact that P.C. is alive and well in the Twenty-First Century.]

When Did We Lose Our Way?
A Guest Commentary By Paul Prete

Politically Correct is derived from the term Correct Political Orientation. It was first delivered in a speech by Chairman Mao tse Tung in elebration of International Labor Day on May 1st, 1939. t was used with effectiveness by the Red Guard during the Chinese Cultural Revolution in order to foster conformity in thought and speach.

It has been a year since our family fled Northern California for greener pastures. Our town of Sebastopol, a small bucolic community north of San Francisco was one of those sleepy hamlets lost to a time when life was so much simpler. The Gravenstein apple was Sebastopol's claim to fame before the rise of vineyard acquisitions took their toll.

It was once a place where barbershops brimmed with quirky locals. It was a place of laughter, innocence and sometimes profound sadness, where right and wrong was more clearly defined. A place where best friends stood by you through thick and thin. It was a place where people spoke their minds clearly without fear of reprisal.

When did a way of life become so irrelevant and inconsequential? When did we lose our way?

The new arrivals brought with them a disdain for traditions of the past. It was a single minded obsession that supplanted these quaint relics with agenda driven ideology; an ideology that left many in the dust.

The apple orchards are mostly gone. A few holdouts remain. Our town's a different place now....a very different place. It become a guarded introverted, intolerant world held hostage to the insidious sway of Political Correctness.

It became a place where private conversations are no longer privy to public consumption. It became a place where a frantic dairy farmer and his sons desperately gather up cattle set free by local anarchists. It became a place where flag holders to memorialize the fallen are filled in with cement.

It became a place where neighbor is pitted against neighbor. In our town conformity is the convention of the day. Those who misspeak are marginalized, and those who resist the opportunity to repent are ostracized.

What's most appalling is the arrogance of these individuals who feel they are far more adept at governing the nuances of our world than you and me. Your point of view is no longer needed in a society that no longer understands it. The end result is a place with very little personal freedom, a place where someone always looking over your shoulder.

A friend of mine from Estonia lamented one day about his growing despair. I was taken aback when he confessed that he had more freedom under Soviet domination than living here. The previous day he was accosted by an irate neighbor. She informed him that he could no longer cut his grass because he was murdering tiny bugs in the lawn. Even minute life she eulogized had the right to coexist. Unfortunately, bizarre outcries such as this are commonplace. Even the swatting of flies in public can invoke similar responses.

A family burning brush on their property are taken to court when an oak sapling is discovered smoldering in the pile. In the town of Napa a restaurateur business is vandalized for serving politically inappropriate cuisine (foie gras) on the menu. Radical extremists tore through the walls of the restaurant and poured cement down the drains causing over $100,000 dollars in damage. They also videotaped and threatened his children. Vaccines for polio and the like are shunned by a growing number of mothers who view them as the harbingers of the destruction of human kind.

One grows numb to thought processes more akin to a delirium of thought where only the mentally ill must reside. The second coming of the Dark Ages was upon us. I contemplated the horrifying aftermath of raising our son in a Stepford Zone. I had growing concerns about his long term exposure to locals that appeared to have lost their passion for life itself. This self-inflicted wound (political correctness) had essentially smothered the lifeblood out of a once vibrant community.

It was time for us to leave this place before it consumed us. Where would we go?

I have always subscribed to the notion that there existed an amicable place that resisted the present and perpetuated the past. A hamlet lost to time, a Bedford Falls (Bedford Falls is a town from the Frank Capra movie 'A Wonderful Life' starring Jimmy Stewart.) In a moment's notice I could conjure up the tattered black and white vistas of a place and people long distant in the past.

I entertained a desire to surrender to dreams that might have been. I journeyed the back roads of this land in search of such a place. I deciphered cryptic colloquialisms at town hall meetings. At the local diner over bacon and eggs I was given seminars on shearing sheep. Anywhere people congregated I'd be there taking in some local color.

In Baton Rogue I stumbled upon a woman who baked the finest pies outside of the Adirondacks. I learned of her blue ribbon glories and dismal setbacks due to faulty crust continuity. In Vermont I traversed covered bridges groaning from the weight of vehicles while I dreamt of places steeped in dreams.

In the end we settled upon a place in the Carolinas that gave us the freedom to breathe. I no longer suffer the consequences of speaking my mind. The basic tenets of our new world are a balance between Democratic and Republican ideals. It's a healthy mix that brings opposing viewpoints to the table in the search for common ground.

When Extremism takes root (whether left or right) it eats away at the very fabric of our society. The only avenue we ever desired, was a two way street.

Now and then I think about the desperate ones we left behind. I think about the friends who for a variety of reasons are unable to leave. To this day I cannot fathom how a people can exist inside a vacuum. A place of such profound dysfunctionality defies human reason.

Sticker Shock
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [08/19]

Every time we see our gas gauge hovering near empty, we, instinctively, brace ourselves for the inevitable sticker shock from relentlessly rising gas prices. By the time we finishing mortgaging our home - again - to finance that essential fuel for our ride, we're terminally pissed and looking for somebody to blame. Our initial, knee-jerk, reaction is to curse those greedy oil company bastards, but, as cathartic as that visceral reaction might be, our hostility is misplaced. There is plenty of blame to pass out, but, believe it or not, the oil company isn't at the top of the list.

Culprit number one is the great Amerikan Nanny State and the tidal wave of regulations that suffocate such essential fuel price related goodies as building new refineries, developing our known, domestic, untapped oil reserves, replacing oil-burning power plants with nuclear plants and/or simply taking a meat cleaver to the taxes the Nanny State piles on each barrel of oil, gallon of gasoline. How exactly does the Nanny State intrude? All you need to do for that answer is ask the right questions:

Q: Why haven't we had a new oil refinery built in Amerika in decades?
A: Bureaucratic red tape and oppressive Nanny State regulations to silence the tree hugging whiners.

Q: Why aren't we exploiting known off shore oil reserves, not to mention the large oil reserves in northern Alaska?
A: Bureaucratic red tape and oppressive Nanny State regulations to silence the tree hugging whiners.

Q: Why don't power companies replace their oil burning power plants with nuclear plants?
A: Bureaucratic red tape, Nanny State regulation, tree hugger whiners and greedy shyster asshats.

Q:Why aren't capitalists exploring alternative fuel sources?
A: Nanny State regulations and a legal system that aides and abets the asinine exploits of Amerika's ravenous, law-degreed horde.

Q: Why doesn't the Nanny State lower or eradicate its gasoline taxes?
A: What the hell are you smoking, Sparky? They need that gas tax windfall to build bridges to nowhere in Alaska. Those pork barrel greenbacks are vital to your elected tormentor's re-election.

The best way to bring our fuel costs down involves booting the Nanny State the hell out of this nation's economy. Without all that Nanny State interference, the unfettered marketplace would do what it does best: fill a pressing, marketplace need through innovation and expanded capacity. As long as the Nanny State, the tree huggers and the shyster horde are free to punish innovation and smother business expansion, you can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that gas pump sticker shock is going to get much, much worse, and there's no end in sight.

Arnold Goes Girlie on Immigration
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [08/18]

Stung by the hammering he took from the usual Mexifornia suspects the last time he sounded off on the border jumping scumbag invasion, Mexifornia's action hero governor is a tad gun shy when it comes to emulating the state of emergency declared by the governors of New Mexico and Mexizona. Girlie and furtive, the mighty Terminator equivocated and vowed to consider a similar decree in Mexifornia, if the situation reached critical mass.

PIG News suggests that the Terminator take the following steps, right damn now:

1) Spend some quality time in certain Southern Mexifornia Colonista infestations.

2) Pull his action hero head out of his butt and try to act like a man.

3) Issue and all points bulletin and offer an award for the safe return of his missing nads.

He's waiting until the situation along Mexifornia's border gets bad enough? What the hell does that mean, a victory parade down Wilshire Blvd. starring Vicente Fox? Grow a pair Arnold, or, if that's too big a challenge, get the hell out of the way and let a real man take over for you.

Cindy Sheehan Ups The Ante
Source: Prattle Tantrum [08/14]

Cindy Sheehan, the mainstream media's war protesting poster wench, is getting so full of herself that she's upping the ante in her confrontation with George W. Bush. No longer willing to settle for a face-to-face chat with the president, she's starting to broaden her horizons to encompass a veritable peacenik wish list:

Demand 1: She refuses to pay her 2004 taxes until the GWB gives her back her dead son.

Demand 2: She demands that all our troops be withdrawn from Iraq, immediately.

Demand 3: She wants Israel out of a mythical place called "Palestine".

Demand 4: She wants President Bush impeached.

Rumors that she wants the world restored to Biblically-correct flatness and vows to hold her breath until she turns blue cannot be confirmed at this time.

We The People
Source: Pagan Scribbler "Prattle" Tantrum [08/08]

According to the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution, "We the People" were the ones who dictated the strict limits under which our government must operate. I am here to assure you that I am very clear on this point, but for those who need a primer on government, here is a passage from Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Independence:

'...Governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government...'

Every time I visit an Internet news site...Every time I listen to the boom box, or watch the boob tube, or endure my local fishwrap, I wonder if anyone in government gives a damn that "We the People" are up to here with their Nanny State on steroids antics. The answer, regrettably, is that they don't give a damn what "We the People" think, as long as a majority punches a chad for them in the next election cycle.

"We the people" made this Nanny State hell when we started nagging government to intrude in areas of "We the People's" lives that are strictly off limits, based on the clearly defined tasks government is allowed to perform, according to the Constitution.

Neither "We the People" nor the Nanny State hacks have the right to poke their noses into the bedrooms of consenting adults.

Neither "We the People" nor the Nanny State hacks have the right to tell a business owner whom to hire, what benefits to give and what customers to serve.

Neither "We the People" nor the Nanny State hacks have the right to grant certain individuals special alleged "rights" based on the person's immutable traits.

"We the People" had our heads up our butts when we gave the Nanny State a green light to indoctrinate our children via a universal, compulsory, government cess-school Educrap scheme.

"We the People" opened Pandora's Box when we allowed the Nanny State to nationalize the airwaves and dictate, in great specificity, programming content.

"We the People" sealed our own fate when we allowed the Nanny State to punish achievement and impose social engineering via the graduated income tax.

What the hell were "We the People" thinking when we allowed the Nanny State to tell sovereign individuals where and how they can use a legal product like tobacco?

"We the People" need to tell the Nanny State hacks to stop paying farmers for crops they don't grow, to stop paying for "bridges to nowhere" because it looks good in a photo op back in 'the district', and to stop wasting taxpayer dollars on border jumping scumbags' education, health, and assorted other freebees.

"We the People" need to grab the Nanny State hacks by the scruff of the neck and order them to stop the border jumping scumbag tide by imposing meaningful, "don't even think about it Colonista Sparky", border security.

The time has come for "We the people" to tell the Nanny State to knock it the hell off. It's time for "We the People" to take back our government and make our elected tormentors perform those duties - and only those clearly defined duties - that are set forth in the U.S. Constitution. It's time for "We the People" to remind these professional political hacks that "We the People" are calling the tune and if they value that cushy job they damn sure better start dancing to the tune "We the People" are playing. It's time for "We the People" to stand up and bellow "Enough is enough!"

Guest Commentary
Source: A Letter To PIG from Ssgt John P [08/05]

I can't stand it anymore. Are all of our politicians blind? Stupid? Spineless? Perhaps. It pains me to no end that the border jumping scumbag tide continues to flow, unrestricted, despite the attention that it's been receiving in much of the press. The liberal, bleeding heart, do-gooders would have us believe that it's racist to even speak against the invasion of our country by these criminals. What part of "illegal" is so confusing to them? In most communities, if a peace officer attempts to detain or arrest an illegal immigrant for being here illegally, he/she'd be bombarded by pressure from his/her own agency, the Je$$e squad, the liberal media, and countless others.

Imagine this: Let's say that I target a liberal weenie politician (a rich one), who lives in a nice big house in the Hamptons. He's got it much better than me in that big mansion. Isn't it my right as a migrant "worker" to move on in? Let's say that I enter HIS territory illegally. While there, I help myself to his television, some stereo equipment, perhaps his wife's jewelry (much the same way that illegal immigrants help themselves to our various forms of taxpayer support). Do you think he would just turn a blind eye? Hell no!!! There would be a whole gaggle of cops there to beat the snot out of me on the way to the pokey. Of course, I could claim that I was discriminated against because I'm a white male, but that wouldn't hold water. What's the difference between my actions, and those of the border jumping swarm? Absolutely nothing.

The saddest part is that if this piece were published in a major media forum, I would be decried as a racist by every liberal group in existence (not to mention the countless "Latino rights" groups). In fact, most of these touchy-feely types now agree that it's downright racist to even use the term "illegal immigrant". We're now to refer to these criminals as "migrant workers." Perhaps when a few migrant workers start showing up with bombs strapped to their bodies, something will be done. I wouldn't count on it though.

It's a sad state of affairs when a group of volunteers (the Minutemen) are having a greater effect on the border jumping swarm than our own government. It's a damned shame that we can't give all of these liberal do-gooders a common sense enema. They sure as hell need it. This kinder/gentler crap is eroding our nation at an alarming rate. The future's shaky at best, and there's not too many people that are willing to do anything about it.

A Man With The Right Stuff
Source: PIG "Prattle" Item [08/03]

Once a perennial favorite with World Wrestling Entertainment fans, three time champion Mick Foley isn't rotting his retirement away in a rocking chair. Although he played a lovable clown who could take - and dish out - a beating in the ring, Mick's accomplishments don't end there. Mick Foley is also an author with six books under his belt - including three for children - and has a seventh thisclose to being done. As intriguing as all that is, it's not the reason he scored a mention in PIG:

'...Foley has visited troops at the hospitals or made other trips for the United Service Organization (USO) in and around Washington 20 times in a 20-month period. Last night, for example, Foley took 11 injured servicemen to the Washington Nationals' game against the Los Angeles Dodgers at RFK Stadium...' (Washington Times)

Wounded American soldiers who grew up watching Mick's wrestling exploits as Cactus Jack, Dude Love and Mankind, will probably remember Mick Foley for his most important role: dedicated friend to our men and women in uniform. Obviously the Mick has the right stuff outside the ring, too, a fact that leaves us pleasantly surprised.

Inside or outside the ring, Mick Foley is a hero. PIG salutes Mick Foley for caring enough to spend quality time with our wounded men and women in uniform.

Media Meathead of The Week
Source: Pagan Scribbler Mini Tantrum [07/29]

I endured Hannity's "Three hours of [spin doctored] news and [Karl Rove Kool-Aid laced] information" at least twice this week, and, as usual, a couple 'issues' reached critical mass:

Hannity 1
During another of his three hour "those damn liberals" tantrums, Hannity whined pitifully about the Donkey Clan trying to impose a religious litmus test. He means, obviously, that the Donkey Clan might challenge Roberts because of Roberts' supernaturalism. Opposing Roberts for religious reasons would suck, but does Sean oppose a religious test in all instances?

Question for Sean - No Religious Litmus Test - Hannity: If a Scalia-class originalist got nominated would you support him, her, himher or it on his, her, hisher or its merits, or, would you impose a religious litmus test because the nominee happens to be an atheist? It would be amusing - in the extreme - to hear Sanctimonious Sean try to finesse that one. What, exactly, is the Karl Rove Kool-Aid script on an atheist Supreme Court Judge? Enquiring minds want to know.

Hannity 2
The fun began when a VRWC caller "worried" that Vicente Bush's asinine amnesty policy might drive Elephant Clan voters to punch a Donkey Clan chad in 2008 - Hillary was cited. It reached critical mass when Sean blatantly ignored the women's key point about immigration and launched a tantrum about the evils of a President Hillary. Channeling Rove response 1, Sean said, in essence: "Republicans in general and Vicente Bush in particular, suck on immigration, runaway government spending and assorted other things, but in every case the Donkey Clan is worse". That might be Sean's idea of a ringing endorsement of the Elephant Clan, but it's not mine. Damned by faint praise? You better believe it VRWC Sparky.

Afterthought:
Sean never did go near the immigration issue, but that's hardly a shock. "Immigration" is banned from any and all of Karl's pre-approved Kool-Aid drinkers' scripts.

Vicente W. Bush's Open Borders Scheme
Source: Pagan Scribbler "Prattle" Tantrum [07/25]

The Hell-A Times reports that El Presidente George "Vicente's Lapdog" Bush is getting ready to mount a high powered, well-financed media blitz to promote his latest "screw the damn borders, let everybody in" scheme. The latest presidential notion - daddy Vicente's idea, no doubt - involves convincing Amerikan citizens that being overrun by the 500,000,000 diseased, chronically-needy, border jumping scumbags who live south of the Rio Grande is an idea whose time has come.

El Presidente is mounting a full court press that includes seasoned Elephant Clan hacks, border jumping scumbag coddling "activists" plus deep pocketed companies that, routinely, stab Amerikan workers in the back, by hiring border jumping scumbags who work off the books for pennies a day.

'...the White House-backed coalition, to be called Americans for Border and Economic Security, will be led by former U.S. Reps. Cal Dooley (D-Hanford) and Dick Armey (R-Texas). The chief organizer is one of the capital's most important White House allies: former Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie, who has hosted preliminary meetings at his Washington lobbying firm just blocks from the White House and has been advising the RNC on minority outreach. The effort is designed to help Bush take control of an increasingly contentious debate that has threatened to split the Republican Party...' (L. A. Times)

Although the political hacks get a free ride in this Amerika-shafting plot, any company that wants to get near the front of the line for the forthcoming border jumping scumbag deluge must pay for the privilege:

'...Admission into the new coalition costs between $50,000 and $250,000. The proceeds are expected to pay for a political-style campaign for an approach to immigration that combines heightened border security with a guest-worker program of some sort, creating an environment that the White House believes will be more favorable for Bush to step back into the fray...' (L.A. Times)

The Kool Aid-swilling hacks are already in fighting form, but the patriotic opposition isn't asleep at the switch, so this fight promises to get nasty. Here are the relevant quotes from this Hell-A Times piece:

"There's two voices right now, and the noisy one is what I call the slam-the-borders crowd. The voice we want to speak with — and the one that will be in unison with President Bush — is the voice that echoes those marvelous words on the Statue of Liberty. To me, the Tancredo wing appeals to the more prurient character of our nature. We want to talk to the better angels of our nature." (Dick Armey, border jumping scumbag coddling traitor.)
[PIG translation: If you don't welcome all 500,000,000 border jumping scumbags you're a racist.]

"They know this has nothing to do with Hispanic votes. They're trying to cover what their real motive is, which is to supply [business] with cheap labor, to not close the spigot of cheap labor...But they've lost in Congress. They've lost the public. And now they're in damage control." (Tom Tancredo, Amerikan patriot.)

This pagan scribbler dares to repeat the question that Vicente W. Bush refuses to answer: "At least 500,000,000 diseased, chronically-needy, border jumping scumbags live between the Rio Grande and the Tierra Del Fuego. How many of them get to come here, un-goddamn-invited, before you get through your thick, Vicente Fox adoring, head that unrestricted immigration will destroy this nation?" If you think living with them is so peachy then resign your office and move to [several expletives deleted] Mexico so you can live with your daddy Vicente.

Democracy In Iraq
Source: Pagan Scribbler Inalienable Liberty Tantrum [07/22]

[Pagan Scribbler Concepts Defined:
Democracy = majority rule = whatever the mob wants is cool.

Inalienable Liberty = a recognition by the State that each individual is born with a full compliment of rights that cannot be voted away by the mob or abolished by the state.]

Recent, disturbing, events in Iraq demonstrate why W should be promoting inalienable individual liberty rather than "democracy". Now that the "be careful what you ask for" chickens are coming home to roost on El Presidente Bush's quest to promote worldwide democracy, he should rethink the idea. For proof, you need look no farther than the Mecca Maniac meatheads writing the new Iraqi constitution. Demonstrating democracy's dark underbelly, they are, surreptitiously, making certain Iraqi denizens second class citizens.

According to a draft of the proposed constitution:

Islamic law - Sharia - is promoted from "an important source of legislation" to "the main source".

A constitutional clause mandating 25% women on all decision-making bodies only applies to the next two election cycles after which it expires.

'...Factors in ensuring women's equality with men and issues addressed by international laws and treaties would all be subordinate to Sharia and the progressive Personal Status Law governing marriage, divorce and inheritance would be replaced by the law as practiced according to a family's own religion or sect, UNIFEM said...' (Arab News)

In practice, although it does have significant impact on women, Sharia law is a direct assault by the Mecca Maniac Nanny State on the inalienable individual liberty of each and every person residing therein. As demonstrated by such bastions of inalienable liberty as Nigeria, Pakistan and Iran, a "democracy" does not, necessarily, denote a respect for individual liberty. In fact, pure democracy - mob rule, by any other name - has a well documented penchant for voting away the no longer 'inalienable' rights of a despised minority. In this instance, Mecca Maniac men are enshrining their unremitting hostility to inalienable individual liberty in their new constitution by curtailing the inalienable liberty of women, and non-Islamic Iraqis.

Admittedly, duly elected Iraqi officials are entitled to do whatever thrills them spitless with their new constitution. But, Uncle Sam should not give this "some are more equal than others" bovine excrement the official presidential seal of approval. This pagan scribbler dares to demand that President Bush pull his head out of his butt and stop blithering about "democracy" This pagan scribbler dares to demand that our president start promoting inalienable individual liberty for every individual on this planet. If we continue to aid and abet this Sharia law crap-o-la, we will turn rational Iraqi adults who would normally support us into bitter enemies. An Iraqi Islamic Republic is such a cosmically bad idea it can't be quantified. You heard it here, first.

Afterthought:
This just in: "Every Iraqi is created equal, but some - Islamic men - are more equal that others - women and non-Islamic males". Am I the only one struck by the irony: thanks to George W. Bush, many, if not most, Iraqi individuals will be less free under the forthcoming Iraqi Islamic Republic than they were under Saddam? Saddam was a world class tyrant, scumbag and murderer, but, even this lower than whale crap asshat never imposed Sharia on his subjects.

Guest Commentary
Source: A Devoted PIG Reader [07/20]

[PIG News presents this gem in its entirety. We don't know who wrote it, nor do we care. It was sent to us by a devoted PIG reader who, quite rightly, deemed it PIG-worthy.]

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms....

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment...Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

[Thanks, Stacy. We owe you one.]

Multicultural Merit Badges
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [07/15]

'They' must be winning the philosophical tug of war destined to destroy the last vestiges of rational thought, because, with annoying frequency, I hear people - particularly on talk radio - identifying themselves with one of the approved group labels. I'll never understand why so many people take such great joy in pigeonholing themselves, especially here in the good old USA, home of that endangered species, the rugged individual.

Any day now, I expect to see the multicultural mutants passing out multicultural merit badges to qualified 'victims'. If you think about it, it's not that creepy as PIG notions go. Among other things it would allow rational adults to easily identify these victimhood pinheads at a safe distance and react accordingly. Since the multicultural meatheads are otherwise occupied, PIG decided to give them head start by serving up a multicultural merit badge starter set:

Females will be automatically qualified for the V.M.O. [Victim of Male Oppression] badge, entitling them to abuse the words 'sexism' and 'sexist' with impunity. In addition to their merit badge, our new Ms. Victim is issued a starter kit of 'all men' accusations to give Ms. Victim a healthy shove down the road to Catherine MacKinnon-class male bashing expertise.

The Melanin-Enriched instantly qualify for the V.W.O. [Victim of White Oppression] badge, giving them unrestricted use of the terms 'racism' and 'racist'. With the awarding of their badge, comes a crash course in proper victim-speak, starting with '400 years of oppression', a virtual mainstay of white oppression accusatory speech.

Colonistas are automatically qualified for the V.Y.D.R. [Victim of Yankee Dog Repression] badge, moving them to the front of the line for taxpayer-funded freebies. The V.Y.D.R. also lets them cut into the front of the line waiting to piss the in Amerikan Melting Pot. It also exempts them from ever having to learn English.

Homosexuals earn their V.S.O.O. [Victim of Sexual Orientation Oppression] badge at birth, but it will be some months, perhaps years, before most of them can do justice to a word like 'homophobic'.

The incompetent - 'underclass' is the politically correct term - wear their V.C.E. [ Victim of Capitalist Exploitation] badge proudly, an 'honor' that added 'Federal Entitlement' to the Amerikan Lexicon. It automatically entitles them to greet Oppressor-Americans [white males] with the words 'lawsuit' and 'affirmative action'.

Don't be left behind! Identify the nature of your victimization then create a merit badge for it. Great Zot, even the God Squad, a haven for Oppressor-Americans, has victimized itself with V.A.R.B. [Victims of Anti-Religious Bias] and V.C.B.S.L. [Victims of Christian Bashing by Satanic Liberals] badges. Both badges give the wearer the right to play the "faith card" whenever a rational adult gives them a boo-boo on their supernaturalism.

Don't just sit there, Sparky, climb on the U.S.S. Victimhood with your own merit badge before it sails into the turbulent Sea of Oppression without you.

The Pagan Scribbler Lexicon - Lesson 1
Source: Pagan Scribbler "Prattle" Wisdom [07/10]

Fair warning, PIGsters, if I hear one more talking head spouting drivel about 'maintaining our optimism in these trying times', 'being realistic about the war on terror', or 'refusing to fall into pessimism', I'm gonna go postal. Why? Because I've finally had it with the way these nattering nitwits misuse three straightforward terms: "optimist", "pessimist", "realist".

Since it's highly unlikely that I can singlehandedly track each one of these fools down and give him, her, himher or it a reality check with my trusty, dusty, cattle prod, I'll do the next best thing. I'll explain these unambiguous terms, one last time, in a way that even your snot-gobbling rugrat should understand.

OPTIMIST
Optimist defined: An optimist is a person who loves disappointment.
'Optimist' examples:
An optimist is man who believes it when a woman tells him it's "the biggest one she's ever seen".
An optimist is a woman who believes it when a man promises that he'll "still respect her, afterwards."

PESSIMIST
Pessimist Defined: A pessimist is an experienced optimist.
'Pessimist' examples:
A pessimist is a man who looks down to check it out when a woman tells him it's "the 'biggest one she's ever seen".
A pessimist is a woman who asks him to put it in writing when a man promises that he'll "still respect her, afterwards".

REALIST
'Realist' defined: A realist is someone with enough life experience to finally 'get it'.
'Realist' examples:
A realist is a man who laughs when a woman tells him it's "the biggest one she's ever seen".
A realist is a woman who decks the son-of-a-bitch when he promises that he'll "still respect her, afterwards."

Are we all squared away on these words, now, English-mangling Sparky? We better be, because you don't want me to come over there.

We Gotta Stop Playing and Kill The Terrorist Bastards
Source: Pagan Scribbler "Prattle" Tantrum [07/09]

With the war on terror back on the front burner, and the images from the London attack chiseled into our minds, it's time to get real about this war. It's time to stop kidding ourselves about the enemy we're fighting. It's time to understand that we are at war with an enemy who won't quit until we're all dead or they are. Our enemy knows, they always knew, that this is a fight to the death. They are bolstered by the belief that Amerika doesn't have the stomach for a fight to the death. They're betting that, given enough time, the peacenik, group hug mutants among us will talk us into giving up, the way we did three decades ago in Viet Nam. For our enemy, the road to victory is paved by Amerika's refusal to wage unrelenting, us or them, one of us has gotta die, warfare.

The primary fact we must all face is that we are - we have been for a very long time - the ultimate evil in a Mecca Maniac zealot's eyes. That's why they call us "The Great Satan". We must all face the fact that our enemy's motives are purely religious, not political. They are on a mission for their deity to destroy the 'Satanic' force that stops them from imposing their supernaturalism on the whole world. The goal of this holy mission is to destroy the United States and everything it represents. The sheer intensity of their religious fervor makes anything short of killing them, a complete waste of time.

Another, equally important, fact we must face is the reason we're fighting this war. The war on terror - a war the terrorists started - isn't about oil...It isn't about liberating Iraq from Saddam...It isn't about bringing peace to the Middle East...It isn't about spreading democracy to the world. This war pits two utterly incompatible philosophies against each other. Despite our headlong rush toward nanny state tyranny, Amerika still represents inalienable individual liberty when viewed by the rest of the world. The Mecca Maniacs recognize that inalienable individual liberty is Mecca Mania's mortal enemy. Both cannot coexist side-by-side without destroying each other. The Islamist zealots know that inalienable liberty will destroy their suffocating supernaturalism and they're determined to stop that, by any means at their disposal.

What makes the war on terror particularly dangerous for Amerika are the political hacks and their 'can't we all just get along' fellow travelers who insist that we need to 'understand' our way to a peaceful, non-violent solution. If only - they insist - we could organize a group hug with our terrorist enemy everything would be just peachy. Amerika's leftist horde insists that we need to give up our childish obsession with inalienable individual liberty and embrace a 1400-year old religious tyranny that made Pakistan, Afghanistan, Sudan and Iran such nifty places to avoid. Amerika's leftist horde just doesn't get it and they, probably, never will. If September 11 didn't shock some sense into them, nothing will.

It's time for Amerika's rational adults to face the unpleasant facts about our enemy in this war on terror. It's time to get serious and take these asshats out, by any means necessary. Osama and his crew will continue to attack us until we make that impossible. It's highly unlikely - not to mention much too costly, in Amerikan lives - that we can catch them and lock them up, forever. Therefore, the only foolproof way to stop them is to give them a free room temperature transition by any means at our disposal. They made this a fight to the death, so we'll grant their wish and give them the death - theirs, of course - that they crave. The sooner Amerika accepts these bitter facts, the closer we get to putting an end to the terrorist threat, permanently.

The enemy made this a fight to the death. The enemy made this point non-negotiable. It's time for Amerika to get on with the ugly, brutal business at hand and kill the terrorist bastards before they kill us. Play time is over.

The Attack On Natural Selection
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [07/08]

I’m up to here with this collectivist-inspired 'feel goodism' that seeks to protect the 'less fortunate' from themselves. It is thwarting one of the primary laws of nature: survival of the fittest, an inescapable fact of nature which condemns the incompetent, and the egregiously stupid to - as the God Squad Tome says - 'reap what they sow'. In the good old days, before rampant feel goodism reared its ugly, altruistic head, the terminally incompetent were weeded out by the unflinching facts of life. The 'deselecting' of such people is what made the human race grow stronger, over these many centuries.

Tragically, the Federal alphabet soup - OSHA, EPA, FDA - which protects the incompetent from their own ineptitude violates this inescapable law of nature. Who asked that obsessively power crazed bastard Uncle Goddamn Sam to protect the chronically stupid from themselves? It is not/should never be the Government's business. When some mutant dies of cigarette induced cancer...When some intellectual flatliner grabs that gold ring to oblivion with a drug overdose...When some self-made alcohol saturated retard loses a game of automotive chicken with a cement wall...it's nature's way of shouting: "Congratulations dummy! You've just been deselected, because you're too stupid to live!"

It's time to dismantle the safety net which protects the chronically - one is inclined to say 'criminally' - stupid from the timeless retribution of Darwinian Justice. Unhappily, our so-called leaders are rushing headlong in the wrong direction, Darwin-wise. Instead - tragically - a lovely piece of fatally flawed legislation called the Americans with Disabilities Act gives the terminally stupid a powerful new tool to further shield them from their just, Nature-dictated, fate:

Darwinian Refugee Case Study #1:. Case in point, a school district employee is fired for consistently showing up late for work. His shyster cites 'chronic lateness syndrome', a 'handicap' which entitles this lazy bastard to the 'protection' of this Federal safety net. Thanks to our beloved government, this fool can't hear Mother Nature shouting, "Wake the hell up, dummy!" This man is begging for 'nature to take its course' with him. An isolated case you say, read on and weep!

Darwinian Refugee Case Study #2: An FBI agent embezzles $2000 from the government then loses it in an afternoon of gambling. After being fired, he wins reinstatement after a court declares him handicapped (compulsive gambling) and thus protected under federal law. This FBI cretin - doesn't it make you feel 'safe' to know he, she, heshe or it is still on the job - can't hear the howls of Darwinian outrage which should be allowed to drop-kick this bozo into a richly deserved perpetual unemployment..

Our fundamental Darwinian Axiom demands, rightly, that the infamous woman in Arizona who tried to drink a cup of steaming coffee in a moving car deserved to be burned. Instead, our beloved legal system rewarded her towering stupidity. Darwinian justice bellows that the mutant - a man of course - who injured himself in a refrigerator race deserved to have his spine snapped. Instead, our celebrated legal system allowed him to blame the refrigerator's manufacturer for not affixing a proper warning label to state what anyone with a brainwave knows: 'carrying a refrigerator on your back can be hazardous to your health'. This man is much too stupid to get off with a simple spinal injury. I say we should hunt the fool down and finish the job Darwinian Nature started.

A few years ago, somewhere in what is called 'fly over' country, a group of teenage male mutants [the author willingly confesses that teenage male and mutant are redundant, so get over it] decided it would be great fun to imitate a scene from a popular movie and test their 'courage' by lying down on the centerline of a busy road. When several were killed and others seriously injured, countless so-called 'responsible adults' immediately blamed the movie. What a steaming load! I'm amazed these jerks lived to be teenagers if this is an example of their alleged 'thinking'. They were no shit too damn stupid to live, so 'nature' put them out of their misery. To put it another way, natural selection, de-selected them.

This is not a difficult concept. If you take reckless, utterly brainless risks/chances...bad things happen, up to and including death. Nature has been working this way for millions of years. Who the hell asked Uncle Sam to interfere with the finely tuned system Darwinian Nature used to improve the human species? Uncle Sam needs to pull his head out of his red, white and blue butt and stop thwarting Darwinian extinction that these intellectual flatliners so richly deserve. Don't make me come over there, dude.

A Moving Experience?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Mini Tantrum [07/06]

With Mexifornia losing its charm almost as fast as the top secret pagan bunker's alleged value keeps increasing, this pagan scribbler has, for some time now, considered relocating the pagan bunker to Amerika. One place that's under consideration is North Carolina, but as usual, it's one of those "good news, bad news" dilemmas.

The bad news about moving to North Carolina, is that it puts me within spitting distance of my lovely bride's redneck rabble relatives, most of whom live in...you guessed it, North Carolina. The good news came in a news story today: the North Carolina state senate is thisclose to Emerilizing your favorite brewskie's alcohol content to 15%.

Breaking pagan scribbler news: North Carolina might go up a notch or two as a possible local for the new pagan scribbler bunker. In theory, we could move there and not inform the rabble...bold new concept.

Inalienable Individual Liberty: A Uniquely American Concept
Source: Pagan Scribbler Soapbox Oratory [07/04]

[Hold onto your hats, PIGsters. PIG's resident sovereign individual is climbing up on his soapbox again to bellow about his favorite subject: inalienable individual liberty. Normally, we'd get out our industrial strength cattle prod and 'zap' him into a less bellicose frame of mind, but, since it's the Fourth of July, we decided to let him rant, within reason. What the hell, if he gets too annoying, we can always zap him anyway. Since we don't really trust him when he's in soapbox mode, we forced him to recycle a rant that already appeared in PIG. When he selected this one from October 2004, we waved our cattle prods menacingly and gave him a provisional "Okey dokey".]

We live in an era dominated by such first amendment assaults as Campaign Finance Reform, and the escalating Thought Police [FCC] vendetta on broadcast speech. We live in an era in which a sovereign individual may have his rightful property seized by the almighty state and given to another private citizen whose only claim is deeper pockets. We live in an era in which the private behavior of consenting adults is criminalized by a smugly sanctimonious majority. We live in an era in which, everywhere we look, our inalienable rights are being eroded. We live in an era in which the Founding Fathers' vision for a nation founded on inalienable individual liberty isn't even given lip service by the dominant political clans' presidential candidates.

At some point after the Constitution was implemented in 1789, America - a nation founded on inalienable individual liberty - became a neo-socialist blight named Amerika - a nation steeped in 'protected minorities', class warfare and parasite coddling. Independence Day is a perfect opportunity to remind Amerikans about a noble, political experiment called "America".

America’s founding fathers recognized that the inalienable rights of sovereign individuals are our birthright, not something conferred by government fiat. It doesn’t matter if they deemed these inherent, inalienable individual rights a fact of nature or a gift from some illusive deity. It’s only important to understand that the inherent, inalienable rights of sovereign individuals are the bedrock on which the founding fathers constructed their new nation. This point cannot be overemphasized. The religiosity or lack thereof of our founding fathers misses the point. The familiar refrain that this a Christian nation is also beside the point. The foundation on which this country was built isn’t the Ten Commandments, the Bible, Christianity, or a generic belief in a supreme being. This nation was constructed on the solid ground of the inherent, inalienable rights of sovereign individuals.

This uniquely American doctrine of inalienable individual liberty was, eloquently, set forth in the Declaration of Independence. Later, our Constitution imposed explicit restrictions on the government’s activities, placing our inherent, individual rights, our birthright, beyond the reach of aspiring tyrants. The central, non-negotiable fact of American life is that a sovereign individual’s inalienable rights cannot be voted away, nor are they subservient to a tyrannical majority’s mercurial moods. Too often, we lose sight of the essential truth that individual liberty is not a popularity contest, nor is it determined by opinion polls. The underlying concept that forms the our country’s foundation is not, never has been, whatever the majority wants is cool. The Declaration of Independence, our Constitution and the Bill of Rights were not written to enforce the majority’s fickle whims. These documents were specifically written to protect the inalienable rights of the minority from the tyranny of the majority, especially if said minority is one sovereign individual.

It’s always easier to steadfastly defend the inalienable rights of individuals with whom we agree. The real test of our principles comes when we must steadfastly defend the inherent, inalienable, rights of someone with whom we vehemently disagree. This clash between inherent, individual liberty and one’s personal beliefs is most contentious when religion is involved. Too many American true believers feel that their visceral, religious obsession automatically repeals the inherent, inalienable rights of sovereign, non-believing individuals. Our birthright of inalienable, individual rights is not, cannot be, negated by the prevailing supernaturalism of the majority. None of America’s ‘god-fearing’ founding fathers would deem it a proper role for the government they toiled so hard to create to infringe on the inalienable rights of a sovereign atheist individual.

Our founding fathers created the first nation in which a sovereign individual’s inalienable rights reign supreme. It’s time for each and every sovereign, American individual to rededicate himself to this uniquely American principle. It's time to put an end to group think, parasite coddling and class warfare. It's time to return to inalienable individual liberty and it's corollary individual accountability. It's time for each and every sovereign American individual to demand that our elected representatives get back to basics. It's time for each and every sovereign American individual to demand the restoration of America's founding principles.

In this battle to restore our liberty, failure is not an option, because the alternative to inalienable individual liberty is abject slavery to an all-powerful Nanny State. That might thrill you spitless, but this American anachronism - the fabled rugged individual - won't accept his Nanny State shackles without a fight. Give me your best shot, Nanny State Sparky, I'm...[BZZZZZZZZT]

Quote of the Week
Source: John Locke's Second Treatise, Section 221

"There is, therefore, secondly, another way whereby governments are dissolved, and that is, when the legislative, or the prince, either of them act contrary to their trust. For the legislative acts against the trust reposed in them when they endeavour to invade the property of the subject, and to make themselves, or any part of the community, masters or arbitrary disposers of the lives, liberties, or fortunes of the people."

Apparently, John Locke isn't required reading at the schools attended by the five Supreme Court asshats who just exterminated private property ownership in Amerika. Learn something new every day.

Noteworthy Responses To The Supreme Court's Abolition of Private Property
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [06/24]

Manchester Union-Leader Editorial
"In essence, all land in the United States is now state-owned. The court has ceded state and local governments almost total authority to transfer the ownership of any parcel of land within their jurisdiction, as long as they present a reasoned argument stating why the transfer will benefit the public. Stevens even went so far as to write that the court has no authority to determine whether a government’s claims about accrued public benefit are valid. As long as government officials provide some explanation for why the transfer has a public benefit, that benefit is presumed to exist and be the legitimate basis for taking a person’s land.

The powerful and well-connected now can lay claim to any parcel they desire, provided that their friends in government give them the requisite political cover. The court has swept aside the only obstacle that once stood in their way — the U.S. Constitution."

A Comment Posted On An Objectivist Discussion Group
"Eminent domain is used by states to take land from private citizens by force. If they can do this against the will of the landowner, and without paying for it, then none of us can own land. We are only renting it from the state until they decide they want it back."

Neil Boortz
"If you own property, and the government wants that property --- you're screwed. You now own your private property only at the pleasure of government; and that means that you own your property, be it your home, your business or a piece of investment real estate only at the pleasure of the local controlling politicians."

"This ruling also means that virtually every piece of raw land out there has decreased in value. The threat of eminent domain for private economic development has severely damaged in most cases, and destroyed in many others, the American dream of investing in real estate."

The U. S. Supreme Court Just Exterminated Your Property Rights
Source: Pagan Scribbler Table-Pounding Tantrum [06/23]

"The city has carefully formulated an economic development that it believes will provide appreciable benefits to the community, including - but by no means limited to - new jobs and increased tax revenue," Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the majority. (Emphasis added.)

"Any property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party, but the fallout from this decision will not be random. The beneficiaries are likely to be those citizens with disproportionate influence and power in the political process, including large corporations and development firms.'' Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner's dissent. (Emphasis added.)

Today, June 23, 2005, "private" property ceased to exist in the USA. In a 5-4 ruling, the United States Supreme Court just obliterated the property rights of every individual in Amerika. Thanks to this ruling, your property rights, the bedrock upon which your inalienable individual liberty is built, are hereby deemed null and void. By enshrining "increased tax revenue" as a street legal justification for eminent domain, Amerika's highest court painted a bull's-eye on every goddamn business, home or plot of land in this nation. The instant someone with deep pockets takes a shine to your house, your property, or your whole neighborhood, all he, she, heshe or it needs to do to steal it from you is buy, rent or lease a couple local political hacks and you're out on your goddamn ear. Mark this date in red, PIGsters, because it's the day that five assclowns in black robes repealed the "inalienable" property rights upon which your liberty depends.

I can hear those wheels turning Sparky, and you're wrong, because this ruling will impact your life, sooner or later. Throughout this nation, local political hacks were already abusing their eminent domain powers with increasing enthusiasm, before this ruling came down. Nobody's fool, these perpetually greedy political punks know that the U.S. Supreme Court just drove a stake through the heart of those pesky property rights that keep getting in the Nanny State's way. No longer shackled by that troublesome U.S. Constitution - thanks to this ruling - political piranha from sea to shining sea will go on a properly-gobbling rampage. This new, vastly improved, eminent domain on steroids is destined sweep across Amerika like a tidal wave. That's why the salient question isn't "if" this legal property stealing will nail you; the real question is "when".

You don't need Nostradamus to predict the kind of petty political hack tyranny that this ruling just legitimized. Examples? No problem. The following property owners just jumped to the top of the eminent domain hitlist your city, county, township and/or state political hacks are frantically compiling:

In Mexifornia, those long term property owners who still enjoy reduced property tax rates under Prop 13 are now destined to win the eminent domain sweepstakes. Right this moment, your city, county and state bureaucrats are combing the tax roles for Prop 13 properties to eminent domain into that enriching - for them - higher tax rate. Start packing your bags Prop 13 Sparky, because your local tyrant just got a 'kick those cheapskates out' green light from the U. S. Supreme Court.

If you're a business owner who pissed off a local political hack by refusing to give him the 'respect' this political pipsqueak thinks he, she, heshe or it deserves, you're a 'lucky' eminent domain hitlist winner.

If you're a business owner whose business is deemed beneath the alleged dignity of a town, county, or township, you're now a lucky eminent domain hitlist winner.

If you're a property owner who, routinely, thrills certain political hacks spitless by holding their feet to the fire at public meetings, you're now a lucky eminent domain hitlist winner.

If you own a home in a nice working class neighborhood that's located in a city, county or township that aspires to greater "90210" class glory, you're now a lucky eminent domain hitlist winner.

If you're a property owner who, for any reason at all, is someone a city, county, township or state hack wants out of his outpost of political tyranny, you're now a lucky eminent domain hitlist winner.

These and others are already gone...It's just a matter of time before the nearest petty political tyrant finds someone with deeper pockets and a willingness to pay more blood money into the local tax coffers.

That sound you hear is coming from the eminent domain-fueled bulldozers revving up to exterminate another business, home or neighborhood. That sound you hear is the joyous howling of countless pissant politicians - every damn one a rat bastard - getting ready to give another property owner a royal shafting. That sound you hear is the thunder of jackboots goose-stepping down your street to enslave you to the omnipotent Nanny State. That sound you hear is the muted echo of a warning sounded by John Adams:

"The moment the idea is admitted into society that property is not as sacred as the law of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence." --John Adams (1735-1826) Founding Father, 2nd US President

A man's home is his castle? Not anymore, kiss your property rights goodbye Sparky, because your inalienable individual liberty just went on life support.

Pandering Pachyderm Punk
Source: Pagan Scribbler Prattle Tantrum [06/18]

Yesterday, Governor Jeb "I'm so not running for President" Bush made a carefully calculated political move whose only purpose is shoring up his political base for a Oval Office run that he swears on a stack of Tomes that he's not planning to make. In a letter to Pinellas-Pasco State Attorney Bernie McCabe, Governor J asked for an investigation into the events that transpired 15 years ago (1990) when Terri Schiavo collapsed in her home and stayed differently conscious for the next decade and a half. When I read between the lines, I hear Governor J ordering State Attorney McCabe to "nail Michael Schiavo by any means necessary, no matter how innocent Michael Schiavo might be". Am I imagining things? Perhaps, but I seriously doubt it.

The St. Petersburg Times cites the following issues that were "reportedly" raised in Governor J's letter:

Why did Terri Schiavo collapse?

Did her husband wait for more than an hour before calling 911?

'...[Governor J's letter] mentions the possibility of drugging or poisoning, among other things...' (Times, emphasis added))

In addition to his political accomplishments, we can add psychic, medical expert, forensic specialist and conspiracy theorist to Governor J's impressive "I'm still not an Oval Office candidate" resume. This isn't about Terri Schiavo and it damn sure isn't about justice. It's about Jeb Bush's political ambitions, period.

This witch hunt is the biggest, stinkiest, steaming political pile of bovine excrement in Amerikan history. Undeterred by the fact that nobody, at any time in the prolonged legal battle over Terri Schiavo, broached any of the aforementioned issues...Undeterred by the fact that there isn't a hint of foul play, a sitting Governor appears to be trying to railroad Michael Schiavo onto death row, by any goddamn means necessary. If, after this pathetic Governor J pandering to the lunatic fringe, you still harbor a shred of respect for Governor Jeb Bush, there's no hope for you Sparky.

This PIG scribbler dares to go the extra mile and ask Governor J the burning questions. Why don't you declare Martial Law in Florida, then denounce Michael Schiavo as an enemy of the state? Why don't you order Michael Schiavo's immediate execution then murder him on the statehouse lawn on a live broadcast with Sean Hannity as the host and Tom DeLay as the guest executioner? Why don't you grow a set of nads, tell the lunatic fringe to buzz the hell off and admit that you totally blew it when you interfered in the Terri Schiavo case last March? Why don't you act like a goddamn man for a change Jeb?

[Official disclaimer: The rant that just helped you reach orbital velocity is the opinion of this scribbler and not an official statement by PIG. No matter what you thought about the decision to remove Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, you should be offended by this blatant ploy by Governor Jeb Bush to make more political hay at Terri Schiavo's expense.

It's time to let Terri Schiavo rest in peace. The last few years of her life were tragic enough. She damn sure doesn't deserve to be in the center ring of Jeb Bush's three-ring, road to the Oval Office, political circus.]

Two Tantrums On The Mikey Verdict
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrums [06/14]

This week, your favorite pagan scribbler went postal, not once, but twice over the asinine antics that transpired at the end of the Santa Maria Circus. Here, for those among you who missed these PIG Prattle hissy fits are my first reactions to this stupendously stupid verdict:

Jury To Mikey: Go Forth An Bed All The Boys You Want
The Santa Maria Circus played its last performance today when a star-struck Mexifornia jury gave Mikey Jackson a clean bill of judicial health and carte blanche to continue his perverted, boy bedding ways. Although Mikey's guilt was never in doubt, for any rational adult, a good argument can be made that the prosecution didn't have the goods on Mikey, this time. Anyone with a single functional synapse knows that Mikey can't be trusted around young boys, but now, thanks to this verdict, nobody will ever have the nads to tell this freak to knock it the hell off. Those 12 Mexifornia citizens just told Mikey that, no matter what he perpetrates from this point onward, there won't be any adverse consequences. Another panel of O. J. jurors? You better believe it, the rat bastard got away with it, Sparky.

Is Mikey above the law? Yup. Will he continue bedding young boys? Oh hell yes. Will anyone ever try to stop him again? Not a chance, Sparky. Laws and consequences are for chumps like us, not 'special' alleged humans like Mikey. Mikey lives by his own rules and nobody - I mean nobody - will ever dare to question his antics again. The only way he gets what he deserves is when some terminally outraged parent catches him in the act with their son and blows Mikey to the Hell he deserves. But, don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen because he's much too careful for that. Mikey Jackson is above the law, and that's a fact that this Mexifornia jury cerified with 10 "not guilty" verdicts. As facts go this one reeks, but ignoring it won't do anybody any good, so do the smart thing, get over it and move on, because Mikey is garden variety scum.

Better stock up on the Bromo and your preferred adult beverage, PIGsters, because you're gonna hate Mikey's gala victory tour.

Stupidity On Steroids: Santa Maria's Dirty Dozen
In all of human history, there is nothing more loathsome, vile and contemptible than the spectacle of the 12 Santa Maria Morons rushing from one media opportunity to the next in their zeal to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame. Only a whisker less loathsome, vile and contemptible are the media meatheads who are rewarding these congenital morons for turning a career pervert loose on society.

Don't forget for one instant that the Santa Maria Dirty Dozen's only claim to fame is their willing, feckless complicity in the Fairy Prince of Neverland's next boy bedding escapade. Don't forget for one instant that these Santa Maria Morons demonstrated, conclusively, that for Jacko, there are no adverse consequences for his actions. Don't forget for one instant that these 12 intellectual flatliners made it a slam dunk that no prosecutor on this planet will ever file another case against the noseless, bleached skin freak. These clueless cretins managed to do what seemed impossible, until yesterday. They make the O. J. jury seem like a panel of Einsteins.

PIG can think of no fate that could befall these Santa Maria Morons - no matter how horrendous - that would evoke an ounce of sympathy for any of them. The next child who loses his innocence in the freak's bed is on their heads, because they're the rat bastards who told this pervert that he's above the law.

You'll have to excuse me, now, because I need to take a shower. Just thinking about Santa Maria's Dirty Dozen makes me feel like I wallowed in a cess pool.

Afterthoughts:
After these two rants reached critical mass, more details kept dribbling out, all of which demonstrate that this jury was dumber than a box of rocks and far from impartial. First, we got word that one note from the jury to the judge asked him to identify the victim for them, because none of these Einsteins had a clue. Then, we hear that one juror attended the victory celebration Joe Jackson's worthless horde threw for Mikey at an Indian Casino.

Playing The Faith Card
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [06/08]

Rush Limbaugh is playing the 'Faith Card' today, and, as usual, it elicited a couple PIGish responses from this pagan scribbler.

Rush concedes that those horrible secularists - all of whom he assumes to be liberal asshats - are for 'freedom', but insists that these dastardly libs put limits on an individual's freedoms.

When Rush gushes about the glories of Judeo-Christian 'values', he never goes the extra step to admit that he and his theocon home boys also put restrictions on an individual's liberty.

The primary difference between liberal (secular) statists and conservative (Theocon) statists is one that Rush, et al, never discuss. To this sovereign individual the main difference is essentially meaningless because the difference is confined to how each statist group chooses to restrict an individual's liberty. Since this distinction involves which inalienable rights each group wants to repeal, this sovereign individual responds to both with the all-purpose, one-finger salute.

Je$$e To The Rescue
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [06/07]

Mikey Jackson's justice system worries are over, now that Je$$e Jackson is on the scene to give the Santa Maria Circus that badly needed comic relief. Je$$e flew in on his broom Sunday to give Mikey the dubious benefit of Je$$e's advice and counsel. No wonder Mikey ended up in the hospital emergency room! Je$$e makes us feel more than a tad queasy, too.

Admittedly thrilled - in the extreme - that Je$$e is on the job, PIG dares to wonder if somebody bothered to tell Amerika's foremost Ethnocrat extortionist that Mikey is, a) technically, Melanin-Enriched (Black), but far from thrilled about it and b) damn near flat broke?

Exploiting a Border Control Loophole
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [06/06]

Contrary to popular myth, all border jumping scumbags don't flee in abject terror from the U.S. Border Patrol. Depending on where these invaders come from, they do just the opposite and eagerly track down the nearest Border Patrol agent. Why? You'll probably need your preferred adult beverage for this reality check.

Thanks to a nifty loophole in Amerika's asinine immigration laws, border jumping scumbags who hail from countries other than Mexico, can't be thrown back over the Mexican border. Instead, they must be coddled, given travel documents and a flight directly to their home country, a very expensive and time consuming process. Since the Border Patrol lacks sufficient detention facilities and the agency refuses to build more, border jumpers from places like Brazil get what's called a "notice to appear". As soon as he gets his notice, the border jumping scumbag is, immediately, driven to the nearest bus station and allowed to continue their invasion of Amerika, unimpeded. It shouldn't shock anybody that 98% of these invaders don't show up for their hearing. That's why Border Patrol agents call this goodie a "notice to disappear". Now that non-Mexican invaders know about this loophole, they seek out the nearest Border Patrol agent and surrender.

PIG thinks it's time to militarize our border with Mexico, then give the border jumping scumbags a first hand demonstration of Amerika's military firepower. Maybe, after some randomly chosen invaders get a high caliber room temperature transition, the word will filter back to the homeboys, that Amerika means business when it comes to defending our borders. If the political hacks running this country don't have the spine to defend Amerika from invasion, then it's time to throw them out on their sorry asses and elect some officials who will put some military might behind their oath to defend this nation from its enemies.

What Is A Sovereign Individual?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [06/05]

[For those readers who, occasionally, wonder "what exactly, does that clown mean when he cites sovereign individualism", I offer the following self-defining prose.]

I am a sovereign individual.

My life does not belong to the state. It does not belong to that amorphous collectivist illusion "society". It does not belong some supernatural entity. My life is mine and mine alone, not the state's, society's, or a deity's. I demand no more...I demand no less...than the freedom to take those actions and act upon those thoughts that further the primary purpose of life: life itself. I grant no more...I grant no less...than the same consideration to every other sovereign individual. My life and the essential properties thereof - my intellect, my thoughts, my character, my integrity - are mine an mine alone. Since I am the sole owner of my life, the blame or credit for its conduct is entirely mine, not the state's, society's or a deity's. For good or ill, the buck stops here, Sparky.

As sole owner, stockholder and director of my life, I started my tenure by determining that reality is objective: the universe exists independently and is not a figment of my imagination. Objective reality is not a malleable, undefined, chaos that is subject to the whim and whimsy of a capricious supernatural entity. Objective reality is not determined by the unrequited needs of society. Objective reality is not enslaved, altered or changed by the insatiable demands of the Nanny State. Because objective reality is constrained by certain immutable scientific tenets, each and every object in this objective reality possesses - must possess - certain immutable properties which can be observed, measured and, ultimately, understood. A is A, so get over it, Sparky.

Reason, not revelation, chronic societal need or government decree, is the means by which I comprehend objective reality...the means by which I determine those actions required to sustain, conduct and/or improve my life.. Reason, not commandments from on high is the means by which I conduct my own life. Reason, not plaintive wails for the unearned fruits of my labor and/or intellect determines how I conduct my life. Unless coerced by the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, reason, not politically motivated hyperbole, determines how, when and why I conduct my life. Reason - not the Nanny State, society, or some deity - determines how, when and why I expend the fruits of my labors and/or intellect. It's my life, my call, so back the hell off, Sparky.

Whereas reality is objective and reason directs my life - my choices, my thoughts, my actions - the Nanny State, society and supernatural entities must butt the hell out, because I don't need their interference in my life. I will not, voluntarily, be enslaved by the Nanny State, "society" or a deity. I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my labor...I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my intellect to any individual or entity that hasn't earned them. Conversely, I will not demand, accept, or steal the unearned fruits of another individual's labor and/or intellect. When I require the services, the knowledge, and/or the skills of another sovereign individual, I will negotiate a voluntary, mutually beneficial, bargain to secure their cooperation. I will not exert force, or attempt to coerce a sovereign individual into surrendering his rightful property - real and/or intellectual.

My life and the products thereof are not commodities that must be manipulated, micro-managed, sacrificed to or redistributed by the Nanny State. My life and the products thereof are not public resources that must be plundered to placate any other individual's chronic need. My life is not a toy to be played with, twisted, and/or controlled by some perverse, supernatural entity. I will never, willingly, surrender reason's essential role in directing my own life to the state, society, or a disembodied supernatural entity. My life belongs to me, so if you plan to claim dominion over it, pack a lunch, because you're in for one hell of a fight, Sparky.

I am a sovereign individual.

[Aren't you thrilled spitless that you asked, Sparky?]

"I'll Tell My Mommy On You"
Source: PIG Prattle [05/30]

"Looks like the same shooters. CSU found the slug in a post, matched it to the one that killed Judge Barton. Maybe we should put out an APB for somebody in a Tom DeLay T-Shirt." (A Detective on a recent 'Law and Order' episode about the death of a federal judge.)

The instant Elephant Clan pit bull, Tom "Junkyard Dog" DeLay heard the foregoing line from 'Law and Order' he went publically postal, demanding an apology from NBC exec Jeff Zucker. Considering how often he verbally eviscerates his enemies with his poisonous, Lone Star State prose, Tommy appears to be a classic example of "he loves to dish it out, but he can't take it".

The House Majority Leader needs to stop whining and grow the hell up. He's led a sheltered life if he thinks that this 'Law and Order' dialog is the biggest swipe 'Law and Order' creator/producer Dick Wolfe ever took at the VRWC [Vast Righ-Wing Conspiracy] on his boob tube shows. It's a rare Dick Wolfe show episode that doesn't take dead aim at the VRWC. In fact, other than Fred Thompson's District Attorney character, every recurring character on Law and Order - and its 89,000 known spinoffs - is a bleeding heart liberal. Wake the hell up and smell the "it's only fiction" coffee, thin skinned Sparky.

Newsworthy Prattle Prose
Source: PIG Prattle [05/25]

Underlying Motives
PIG's top political analyst posited a very intriguing notion about the great filibuster sellout. Our primary political peabrain insists that John "Big Stinky" McCain's motives are tied up, exclusively, with Presidential politics. By subverting the Elephant Clan's "nuclear option", McCain achieves two Oval Office-related goals:

First and foremost, John Boy pays back President Bush again, for trouncing Big Stinky in the 2000 Presidential primary. Also, thanks to the great filibuster sellout, McCain - not George W. Bush - has the ultimate control over who gets elevated to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Equally important, Big Stinky deals a pre-emptive, potentially mortal, wound to a future rival for this nation's top job. By pulling the political rug out from under Senator Bill Frist, Big Stinky makes his political rival for the 2008 Presidential nomination look weak and indecisive, two traits that are not prime Commander-In-Chief criteria.

Big Stinky is a vile, lower than whale crap son-of-a-bitch, but he damn sure understands that Presidential politics is a blood sport. Is PIG's top political punk on to something, this time? Perhaps, but it would be an unprecedented outburst of competence. Saner PIG minds hasten to remind the unwary, that even a broken clock is right, twice a day.

Testing Immigration Reform Ideas
PIG has concluded that the best way to assess the effectiveness of any new attempt to roll back the border jumping scumbag invasion is to watch the usual New Nitwit sources for some angry response from a Mexican official. The Real I.D. Act made the 'great idea' cut when El Presidente Vicente Fox went postal with his infamous "work that even blacks don't want to do" tantrum. Yesterday, the Congressional Immigration Reform Caucus's proposal to station 36,000 Amerikan troops on our borders reached critical mass, when Mexico's Assistant Interior Secretary Geronimo Gutierrez had a complete hissy fit over it:

"We absolutely and emphatically reject this suggestion because the way to handle border security concerns today in the 21st century is through cooperation, confidence and technology." (AP)

PIG thinks our elected officials should fine-tune Uncle Sam's battle to secure our borders by launching assorted trial balloons then enacting the ones that elicit a high volume verbal fusillade from the relevant Mexican officials. We can prioritize our border securing tactics based on the official's rank in the Mexican hierarchy, plus how angry he, she, heshe or it gets. Think of all the fun we can have helping Mexican officials reach and maintain orbital velocity.

Why must PIG do all the heavy lifting on these cutting edge ideas? [Sigh]

Commentary of The Week
Source: Capitalism Magazine [05/15]

The following gems were lifted from an excellent article by Edward Cline that lays bare the true nature of Uncle Sam's government in the Twenty-First Century:

On the IRS:

'...Like the Soviet KGB or any other police force armed with the unlimited power of coercion, the power of the IRS rests on a legalized and virtually unrestricted mandate to enforce obedience. It can override the power of legitimate courts in adjudication. It is an organization exempt from criminal and civil law. The Sixteenth Amendment to the Constitution sanctions codified extortion in contradiction to the Bill of Rights.

Reason, justice and equity are not enemies to tax collectors; these concepts are irrelevant and do not play a role in their jobs. Collectors need not bother themselves about such things as rights or principles. They do not lead productive lives, they do not contribute to the country’s wealth, but help the government consume it...' (Capitalism Magazine)

On the true nature of Amerika's government:

'...The government produces nothing; it can only "redistribute" privately created or earned wealth. The federal government in effect has imposed a lien on the country's entire wealth for the indefinite future, in order to service a growing debt, to "honor" promises and obligations it had no right to make or undertake. That debt is pegged to an ever-depreciating currency; the dollar is only as valuable as our regulated, hamstrung, private sector economy can make it. In reality, the federal debt can never be discharged.

A never-ending debt to pay for what? For programs intended to punish men for living their own lives and reaping the rewards of their productive labor -- in order to redistribute those rewards to any group that stakes a claim to them in the name of age, race, diversity, need -- in short, by any group that does not labor and seeks the unearned...' (Capitalism Magazine)

PIG News suggests that you track down this excellent piece on the Capitalism Magazine site and read the entire commentary for yourself.

Decoding The Marriage Vows
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [05/16]

[With the battle to 'save' traditional marriage raging unabated from sea to shining sea, it's time for a rational adult to step in, tell everyone to take a chill pill, and set the record straight about martial bliss's dark underbelly. If you're contemplating a ball and chain acquisition, you must read this article, right damn now. If you've already taken the plunge, this article will answer the burning question asked by each and every married dude, eventually: What the hell happened to me?

The following pagan scribbler wisdom isn't for the faint-hearted, a fun fact that means, this time out, an adult beverage is not optional. Hang on to your hat, Sparky, because it's big fun time at PIG News.]

It's taken me a long damn time - much longer than I care to admit - but I finally understand the hidden menace buried in those seemingly harmless wedding vows. Your blushing bride will assure you that the vows are merely symbols of your love. Don't believe it for a second! These aren't vows. They're a curse, a warning of things to come:

For Better, for Worse...
This threat is quite literal. You will enjoy an unspecified period, perhaps many years, during which things keep getting better, until, in a moment known only to the perverse female deity who loves torturing us, the better ends abruptly. You have now crossed over into worse. Worse never ends, it just keeps on dragging you down into the bowels of your personal living hell. The one comforting thing about worse is it's predictability. At any given moment in time, you can predict what's coming next. It's depressingly simple. Just think of the worst thing that could possibly happen to you and you'll know what's looming on your horizon.

For Richer, for poorer...
This works just like better/worse. You get an unknown spell of increasing prosperity, followed by a torturous decline into abject poverty. The scary thing about richer/poorer is that it doesn't always coincide with better/worse.

In Sickness and in health...
Don't panic, this is just like the others, but they reversed the order on us. You get X years of health, after which you're sick for the rest of your alleged life.

Til Death do us part...
Grow up! Do you really need me to explain this to you? Do you really think it's dumb luck that women outlive men? Get a life, while you still have it.

By now, at least one of you is fixated on the 'D' word: divorce. Divorce is the enriching - for her - process by which she makes worse, poorer, sickness and death seem like a walk in the park. Before she and her slobbering shyster get done with you, death is going to look very appealing.

How did a planet of otherwise intelligent dudes get into this mess? A careful reading of history provides the answer. Contrary to fanatical feminist propaganda, the alleged state of bliss (their view, not mine) commonly called 'marriage' was not created by men to enslave women. In point of fact it was mistakenly created by a pelvicly-driven Swede named Henn Pecki, a man who was suffering from the most severe case of blue balls in all of recorded history.

A complete study of this perpetually horny nitwit's life shows us that the actual instigator of this particular aspect of the female conspiracy was a scheming little trashbag named Ingrid Applebottom. This manipulative, mind-warping little tart went out of her way to excite poor Henn, until he couldn't take it anymore. That's when he came up with this marriage nonsense. Want to guess who gave him this stupid idea? Sounds to me like little Ingrid was begging to have her celebrated, boom-boom blistered with a two by four. Henn, finally, go his yum-yum, but, in the process, he gave every other dude on this planet the shaft.

The following excerpt from a soon to be published 'Unauthorized Biography of Attila the Hun' will show the tragic effects of Ingrid's sick scheme, thus creating one of history's most slandered, unjustly vilified, figures:

It's time to set the record straight about one of the most tragically misunderstood figures in European history: Attila The Hun. This poor man has been viciously maligned for centuries and it wasn't even his fault! Due to one of those insane arranged marriages, he was saddled with the dreaded Mrs. Attila, a lady who was in every sense of the word, the Royal Bitch behind the throne.

To make matters that much worse, our criminally slandered hero was born in Central Asia - one of those terminally boring, bring your own snow shovels in 'summer' places that's part of Russia, now. With a great big nothing to get him out of the house - away from the dreaded Mrs. Attila - our hero had to put up with Mrs. A's relentless nagging about how miserable their lives were and how much better their European (Roman) counterparts had it.

After a long, long winter of being locked up with the acid-tongued Mrs. A, who can blame our boy for taking out all that pent-up hostility on those smug Europeans? After being trapped alone with that dragon lady, you'd be more than ready for a fun filled summer of rape and pillage, too.

Most of you dudes have a lot more in common with Henn Pecki than Attila the Hun, whose meteoric career came to a tragic end. Like our dude Henn, you're listening to your crotch instead of your brain, when it comes to the alleged 'gentle sex'. Some dudes - and we both know who you are - will try to resist the Siren song of wedded (alleged) bliss, but sooner or later some twitching tart will worm her way past your defenses. It may not be Ingrid Applebottom...It could be Penelope Perkytits, or Sally Snuggles, the wench with the magic snapping-turtle yum-yum. Whatever her name, you can’t say you haven’t been warned.

When, well and truly hooked, you’re up there in that monkey suit spewing those celebrated vows, go ahead, air that primal scream, because a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

The Supreme Showoff: Tome "Science" and Other Fun Stuff
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [05/06]

[With an increasing number of allegedly rational, Amerikan adults mining the Tome (paganese for Cross Cult scripture) for meaningful historical, legal, and scientific facts, this venerable rant is doubly appropriate. If you're chronically humor challenged, you'll probably be calling me names, long before you get to the fun stuff in the final few paragraphs. I can live with that, sticks and stones Sparky.]

It quickly becomes obvious, to even the most casual reader of alleged 'holy' scripture [the God Squad Bible], that the God Squad deity, Old Ka-Boom, is the grand master of overkill. Did he really need to flood the whole planet, to be rid of some lowlife, hard partying yahoos? Any other supreme being would opt for a simple, direct approach, not this ridiculous stunt. Did he really need to execute his own son because some naked wench got the munchies for an apple? Any rational supreme being would let her off with a warning, because it's only an apple. Did he really need to nuke Sodom and Gomorrah when he could simply 'de-create' them by making them disappear? Once again, his Universe-size ego compelled him to show off. This overkill mania certainly explains this whole Red Sea business. Instead of simply picking up Moses and his mob then setting them down on the other side, he has to show off with his childish parting of the Red Sea stunt. Look up 'overkill' in your dictionary and you'll find his picture.

When the Canaanite populace refused - quite understandably - to surrender their country to some homeless, marauding rabble coming in from the desert [this deity calls them his 'chosen people'] does he suggest that Joshua negotiate a purchase agreement for some unused Canaanite land with the rightful Canaanite owners? Grow up! Such a sensible, low key solution would never occur to this supernatural showoff. Instead, he sends this murderous, land stealing mob on a campaign of outright genocide. Everyone, this self-absorbed deity thunders, had to die. Everything must be destroyed. His 'everyone' means just that: men, women, children. His 'everything' is equally inclusive, encompassing buildings, housewares, even their furniture. Their furniture! How could a chair, a non-sentient collection of wood, possibly offend this hypersensitive supreme being? Destroying their furniture, too, is extreme, even for this glory hound. Again, we're talking overkill!

So far, I've confined my tirade to some of the supreme showoff's minor antics. But, keen Old Ka-Boom observers had to know that, eventually, predictably, he would feel compelled to go for the brass ring of stuntology. Two of the most memorable supreme stunts involved messing around with what he referred to as the 'movement of the Sun' through the sky. Let's be real...these sun stunts take Old Ka-Boom's showing off to a whole new level, therefore, having bigger fish to fry, I'm willing to, temporarily, let him off the hook on the flood, the great apple caper, the nuke job on Sodom and Gomorrah, the parting of the Red Sea and the rampant genocide. On the other hand, these alleged Sun stunts are just too 'out there' to believe. This goes way beyond garden variety overkill.

Anyway, about the Sun stunts...His first recorded Sun stunt was actually a double stunt, which combined his well documented penchant for genocide with some celestial mechanics fun and games. According to God Squad scripture, the supreme showoff 'stopped the Sun [stopped the Earth's rotation] and moon [stopped the moon's rotation around the Earth] in the sky' and left it that way for hours [Joshua 10, 12-13 seems to imply that this 'Sun stopping' lasted for 24 hours], to give his chosen people the extra time they needed to exterminate, yet another 'enemy'. You'd think it would be much simpler and vastly more efficient for this blood lusting deity to do his own killing, but, obviously, that would spoil all his fun.

No matter how fun this 'Sun stopping' sounds, I have a couple problems with it. First of all, the God Squad deity has to know that it's the Earth which is moving relative to the Sun, not the Sun relative to the Earth. How can he have such a lousy grasp of celestial mechanics when he's the one who is alleged to have invented it in the first place? Secondly, you can't stop 6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons spinning at 1000 miles per hour on a dime. Newton's [Old Ka-Boom's?] laws of motion dictate that all the stuff on the surface of the Earth is going to try to keep moving in the original direction, making this an extremely messy miracle, especially for those with an ocean view. Old Ka-Boom seems to have gotten a little fuzzy on his [Newton's] laws of motion, too.

Some time later, still basking in the afterglow from his legendary Sun stopping escapade, he decided to do himself one better. The reason is so pathetic I'm reluctant to discuss it, but I will, just to show you how desperate this 'deity' is for attention. The story goes that some King of the chosen rabble is dying and he's less than thrilled spitless about it. When the King prays to the supreme showoff, he reminds the eternal stuntster of all the great stuff he [the dying King] has done for this egomaniacal deity. Old Ka-Boom promises to give the King 15 more years of life, so the appreciative King can quench this alleged deity's insatiable thirst for blood...Assyrian blood, this time. When the King asked for proof - hardly the act of a true believer - instead of simply making the King fifteen years younger, the supreme showoff decides to improve on his wildly successful Sun stopping trick, as a 'sign' that he had fulfilled his promise to the King. This goes way beyond mere overkill...people are certain to get hurt, because of this wildly irresponsible 'supreme' being's dangerously stupid stunt..

This time, according to the Tome's account, our egomaniacal eternal showoff made the Sun back up for 10 degrees in the sky. [Refer to Isaiah 38,8 and 2 Kings 20,9 for the disgusting details]. Yes, I have a couple problems with this. Again, Old Ka-Boom is betraying his shocking ignorance of celestial mechanics. Additionally, - you'll just have to trust me on this - when you, instantaneously, slam 6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons spinning on its axis at 1000 miles per hour into reverse bad things happen...catastrophically bad things, especially when you do it twice, in rapid succession. Wham, stop spinning in the regular direction and ka-pow spin it in the opposite direction for 10 degrees, before wham - the sequel - stop spinning backwards and ka-pow - the sequel - start us going forward again. Every ancient shyster on the planet is going to be suing the supreme showoff for damages: whiplash from this series of horrendous jolts and massive property damage are only the beginning.

You'd think that two such unforgettable, celestial mechanics-defying episodes would be widely discussed by the other residents of our rustic little orb, but, would you believe it, not one of the other Earth cultures even mentioned it. This is especially striking given the fact that so many of our ancient humans were such avid astronomers. You'd think that they would notice, document, such singular events. Oh well...maybe they were busy sacrificing a virgin or something. The only other conclusion I can reach is that...gasp... Old Ka-Boom is, throughout his holy scripture, a purveyor of self-aggrandizing hyperbole.

For those true believers who have problems with the details of the Sun stunt concepts, here are a couple of experiments. I like to think of them as God Squad homework. To reproduce the first one ['Stopping' the Sun], you get on the freeway in a Hudson Hornet [it weighs a tad less than 6,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons, but it's close enough for this experiment], crank the brute up to 1000 miles per hour, then slam on the brakes. Holy whiplash, Batman! Assuming you survive the first experiment, you're ready for your second adventure in applied physics [backing up the Sun 10 degrees]. Get back on the freeway, crank the Hudson [your puny Hummer is probably sufficient, but the results won't be as accurate as they are with the Hudson] up to 1,000 miles per hour, then attempt to reverse direction - without losing any speed - in less than a micro second. Remember that you must do this twice in rapid succession to reproduce this Sun stunt. Holy double whiplash, Batman!

The supreme stuntster is a menace and needs to be medicated, stat. Does anyone out there have some Jupiter-size Valium I can borrow?

[Official Disclaimer: The foregoing is the personal opinion of this scribbler and does not represent the opinions, attitudes or beliefs of the Politically Incorrect Gazette or its publisher. Besides, if you got this far, you already know that it wasn't as bad as you though it would be, true believer Sparky.]

Laura Ingraham
PIG staffers were bummed, big time, when we learned that our favorite VRWC boom box talker, Laura Ingraham, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. The initial medical reports after her surgery are reassuring, so we're guardedly optimistic that Laura will be with us for a long, long time. On behalf of everyone here in PIG's top secret bunker, this PIG scribbler sends PIG's best wishes to Laura for a complete and speedy recovery. Weekday boombox fare just isn't the same without you, Laura.

Real I.D. Act
There are persistent rumblings emanating from D.C. that the Real I.D. Act that the House attached to the supplemental spending bill will survive the House-Senate conference committee and become the law of the land. Based on Senator Harry Reid's glum prediction that Donkey Clan hacks can't stop this long overdue baby step toward resolving Amerika's illegal immigration nightmare, PIG is hopeful, but not betting the farm on Real I.D. enactment...yet. We'll believe it, when all the votes are counted.

Assuming, for the sake of argument that the Real I.D. Act escapes from Congress and gets W's autograph, the credit belongs, in large part, to the Minuteman Project and the groundswell of support it generated from sea to shining sea. No matter what the Real I.D. Act's fate might be in the coming days, PIG gives heartfelt mega props to the Minuteman Project for putting our illegal immigration disaster on the front political burner where it belongs.

A Stellar New Concept
Source: Reason Magazine [04/25]

Reason scribbler Cathy Young's commentary about the VRWC's tussle with the Donkey Clan's filibuster of W's judicial nominees is one of her finest efforts, one that's worth tracking down on the Reason Magazine Internet site. The following paragraphs contain a stellar new concept that's destined to stray into this pagan's PIG prose:

'...Like sexism and racism, anti-religious prejudice really exists (though the notion that Christians in America are persecuted rivals in absurdity the notion that women in America are oppressed). But some conservatives are now using it as their ticket in the victimhood sweepstakes. The left has the race card and the gender card; the right has the "faith card."

This right-wing political correctness is noxious for many reasons. It is an insult to religious believers who don't hold conservative views on abortion, homosexuality, and other social issues—including Republicans like Rudy Giuliani or Arnold Schwarzenegger. It is also blatantly hypocritical, since conservatives have repeatedly used a "religious test" to suggest that the non-religious or even the not-religious-enough are unfit for office. President Bush himself has said that "we need common-sense judges who understand that our rights were derived from God." (For true religious bigotry, look at Ron Forster, a high-ranking Republican legislator in Georgia, who opined in 2003 that judges or public officials who don't believe in God are "more likely to be corrupt.")...' (Reason Magazine)

"Playing the faith card" is an inspired concept and one that makes this pagan scribbler green with envy. It's safe to bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that it will be given a place of honor in forthcoming PIG prose.

Quote of The Week
Source: Andrew Sullivan's Blog [04/25]

"However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of 'conservatism.'"- Barry Goldwater, September 16, 1981.

Reaching a Political Bottom
Source: Terminally Dark Pagan Scribbler Thoughts [04/22]

[Given the prevailing political climate and the Elephant Clan's headlong plunge into unrelenting Nanny State growth, this venerable rant is, curiously, much more on point than it was when I first wrote it, two years ago. Due to this rant's content and overall tone, it is strongly advised that you procure your preferred adult beverage, in significant quantities, before reading it. Don't say I didn't warn you, Sparky.]

One way to understand Amerikan politics is to draw a comparison between politics and the performance of certain financial markets. If you examine a line graph of a specific financial market, the vertical axis' unit of measure is dollars and the horizontal axis' unit of measure is time. The higher a given point soars on the graph, the more money it represents. Conversely, the lower the line dips, the less money it represents. Such graphs track certain fundamental market trends, trends that are best understood when viewing the long-term slope of the graph. Short term - daily, weekly, even monthly - the graph is extremely jagged. Only the long-term (wider) view reveals the overall direction of the financial market: upward or downward.

The political graph is similar to the financial graph with one key difference. The vertical unit of measure is no longer dollars. On the political graph it represents individual liberty. The higher the point on the graph, the greater our individual liberty; the lower the point on the graph, the lower our level of individual liberty. If we view specific sections of this political graph, we are deceived by the jagged peaks and valleys that mark short-term political trends. When we step back for the long-term view, we see that our nation's political graph peaked in the late 1850's and has been undergoing a steady, inexorable decline ever since. The overall direction in our personal liberty is down and there is no end in sight.

Unlike the financial market where there are numerous firms to handle your investment, the political market is dominated by two political investment firms: the Democrats and the Republicans. Although these two firms employ contrasting marketing approaches - Republicans give lip service to 'smaller government'; Democrats bill themselves as the protector of the 'little guy' - both are motivated to move the political graph lower. The primary distinction between these two political firms is how far and how fast they want the graph to move downward. Don't misunderstand, the political hacks didn't wake up one day, smack themselves on the forehead and declare, "Let's go out there and repeal some inalienable rights." They are driving the political graph lower, because that's where their investors (the voters) want it to go.

I am fed up with this creeping, incremental, snail's pace crawl toward abject political slavery. If the political hacks - cheered on by the greedy, lazy dolts who elected them - want a People's Republic of Amerika, they should stop dawdling and get on with it. If it's a cradle to grave Nanny State, a 'make every decision for every Amerikan', all powerful government they want, so be it. Screw this Chinese water torture paced liberty infringement! There's a much easier way, a vastly more efficient way, to catapult Amerika from its existing state of mushy Socialism onto the hallowed ground of mainstream Marxism. All you need to do is install the right person in the fabled oval office. What we need is the perfect candidate. The task for such a candidate is daunting, but far from impossible. We need someone who can take the political graph to rock bottom, in record time.

The perfect candidate for this task will be easy to recognize. This candidate must personify a level of single-minded, power-obsessed ruthlessness that hasn't been seen since the glory days of Josef Stalin. Additionally, they must be unencumbered by a moral compass, allowing them to purge their enemies, and impose a suffocating tyranny that will terrify aspiring critics into cowering, Orwellian submission. Most important of all, this candidate must be an iron-willed, unrepentant Marxist, one who will tax capitalists into the bread lines then nationalize industries, one at time, when the national economy implodes with a resounding thud. It just so happens that such a candidate already exists, one who is not only eligible, but impatient to get started.

Does our candidate possess each of our aforementioned ideal traits? You bet, and then some. In fact, our candidate has all these qualities plus another trait that makes her ideal: she exists in a blame-free zone, one in which she is never forced to defend her ideology in a public forum. The dominant media won't challenge her. In fact, they stand poised to vilify anyone who dares to question her noxious political notions. The name of this ideal candidate is, if you haven't already guessed, Hillary Clinton. If, as I am now convinced, a Hillary presidency is unavoidable, we must make a difficult choice. Do we try to delay Hillary's inevitable oval office stint, by any means necessary, or, do we bite the bullet, take advantage of her...unique qualifications and dive, headlong, into full-blown Marxism? I say let's take the plunge and be done with it.

Why would anyone subject Amerika to Hillary's Marxist utopia? The answer is simple: only a Hillary presidency can terminate this downward trend on our nation's political graph. To make this point clear, we must return to our financial market analogy, and bring another concept into play. This essential concept is called 'reaching a bottom'. In financial terms, this means that, before a market can begin a new upward climb, it must reach a point from which going lower is impossible. A bottom is that point where all the investors have given up. Once that point is achieved, a new, long-term, upward trend can begin. We need to reach the political equivalent of this financial concept. I call it a 'political bottom'. A President Hillary will get us there in record time.

Tragically, the only way to force the greedy, lazy dolts to release their death grip on our liberty is to treat them like disobedient puppies and rub their noses in the putrid mess they've made on our nation's political carpet. In practice, this means that, on our nation's political graph, we must reach a level of unrelenting misery, tyranny and desolation that compels everyone - even the greedy lazy dolts - to give up. A Hillary presidency is made to order to deliver our political bottom. Only this Hillary-perpetrated political bottom can force Amerika's political investors to recognize the pressing need for a return to a government founded on the inalienable rights of sovereign individuals. Recovering from this crash landing at Amerika's political bottom is an extremely arduous process, one that exacts a very high price. But, isn't restoring our individual liberty worth that high price? Our Founding Fathers thought so, and they should know.

A Hillary Clinton presidency will take us to undreamed of depths of despair, misery, despotism and poverty, but nobody else on the political scene is qualified to get us there, at such breakneck speed. When she is finished, our economy will be obliterated, our liberty a distant memory, and our way of life a shambles. But, out of that carnage, led by those resilient Americans, America's rugged individuals, a renewed America can emerge, one based on the bedrock of the inalienable rights of sovereign individuals. If you want to get to that badly needed turnaround point, 'some day', keep making your political investments with the same political hacks. If you want to take the express elevator to this political bottom and begin the long climb toward true liberty, in a single presidential term, install Hillary in the oval office.

[Official disclaimer: The foregoing rant is this pagan's personal opinion. The views expressed herein are not shared by PIG or its publisher. They're all mine, but I'm felling much better, already. And here you were worrying, needlessly.]

Scientific Theory Explained, Again
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [04/15]

[Since this rant first appeared in late January, Cross Cultists in Puritanica (the state formerly known as Kansas) and assorted other red state enclaves are following the "Evolution is only a theory" trailed blazed in Cobb County, Georgia.

This week, I heard radio's Old Ka-Boomist emeritus, Michael Medved beating this "Evolution is only a theory" dead horse. For the benefit of Mr. Medved, his legion of listeners and the rest of the Cross Cult Horde, I'll explain the difference between "theory" and "scientific theory", again! Wake the hell up and pay attention this time, supernaturalist Sparky.]

A favorite tactic employed by diehard creationists involves impugning Evolution because it's a mere "theory". Such hyperbole, invariably, demeans Darwin's science as "tentative", "uncertain", or a "wild guess", erroneously implying that scientific theories are inferior to facts. This misleading bloviating, muddies the issue by, deliberately, refusing to distinguish between "theory" and "scientific theory".

Francis S. Collins, a scientist with the National Genome Project, sets the record straight on this creationist spin doctoring. A born-again Christian, he also belongs to a group called, 'the American Scientific Affiliation — a self-described fellowship of scientists "who share a common fidelity to the word of God and a commitment to integrity in the practice of science."...' (Seattle Times). When asked about the stickers Cobb County (Georgia) put on science books, Mr. Collins served up a stellar quote that puts this "theory" vs "facts" issue in sharp focus.

For those who aren't up to speed, here's prose from the Cobb County sticker:

"This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered." (Seattle Times, emphasis added)

Scientist Collins cuts through this true believer spin:

'..."It implies that facts are things we are certain of and theories are things that are shaky." In science, theory is a higher level of understanding than facts, he notes. "Theories don't grow up to become facts. Rather, theories explain facts."...' (Seattle Times, emphasis added)

No matter which side you support in this Evolution vs Genesis debate, you must give the 'devil' his due and use the relevant terms properly. In science, the word "theory" has a very precise, unambiguous, meaning. To illustrate this pagan assertion, I submit the following items into the official record:

'...Most non-scientists are unaware that what scientists call "theories" are what most people call "facts". The general public uses the word theory to refer to ideas that have no firm proof or support; in contrast, scientists usually use this word to refer only to ideas that have repeatedly withstood test. Thus, when scientists refer to the theories of biological evolution, electromagnetism, and relativity, they are referring to ideas that have survived considerable experimental testing...' ("Scientific models, theories and laws", Wikipedia.org)

'...In science, theories do not turn into facts through the accumulation of evidence. Rather, theories are the end points of science. The are understandings that develop from extensive observation, experimentation and creative reflection. They incorporate a large body of scientific facts, laws and tested hypotheses, and logical inferences. In this sense, evolution is one of the strongest and most useful theories we have...' ("Science and Creationism", Second Edition, 1999, by the National Academy of Sciences)

This "Evolution is only a theory" canard is the kind of argument one makes when defending the indefensible against a much stronger concept. No matter how hard they try, creationists can't elevate Genesis to science. That's why they try these pathetic word games in a futile bid to denigrate Evolution to rank, Genesis-class, mythology.

Science calls it's collected wisdom about gravity a theory too, but I wouldn't advise jumping off a tall building because, after all, gravity is only a "theory" not a "fact". Scientist Collins' quote is worth repeating: "[Scientific] Theories don't grow up to become facts. Rather, theories explain facts." Are we all on the same damn page now, Sparky, or do I need to chisel this essential fact onto your goddamn forehead?

Freedom of Religion
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [04/14]

Too many people don't get the big picture on this hot button concept.

What the constitution guarantees is that the government won't "establish" a religion. In other words, it nukes the notion that Cross Cultism - or any other supernaturalism - should be the official Amerikan religion.

Freedom of religion also means that sovereign individuals can worship the deity of their choosing without government interference.

Freedom of religion does NOT, however, give true believers the right to use the government's monopoly on the use of force to impose their supernaturalism on non-believers.

Are we all on the same page now, supernaturalist Sparky?

Inconvenient Reality
Source: Pagan Scribbler Hissy Fit [04/11]

[With everyone frantically fleeing reality like it's tainted with ebola, the time is right for this pagan to throw one of his legendary scribbler tantrums. Don't give me your attitude, Scooter, because I'm so not in the mood for that crap.]

Unflinching, objective, reality is a pain-in-the-ass that, no matter how diligently you attempt to ignore it, just won’t go the hell away. As a public service - okay, so maybe that isn’t going to fly, coming from me - this pagan scribbler will share a few reality bytes with those who need to hear them.

Ka-Boomists Need To Confront The Following:

The U.S. Constitution, not the Blood-Soaked Tome, is this nation’s defining document. All rights privileges and legal constraints stem from our Constitution, not allegedly ‘holy’ scripture.

Homosexuals exist and are, per the aforementioned Constitution, entitled to the same rights and privileges as any other Amerikan. The nature or nurture question might thrill GLAAD BAAGs and holy rollers spitless, but it’s irrelevant and has no bearing on any individual’s inalienable Constitution rights.

Protecting the sanctity of marriage and strengthening traditional family values are not legitimate government functions.

The popularity of your chosen supernaturalism doesn’t give you a government-mandated veto power over an individual’s choices regarding music, literature, movies, art, television fare, radio broadcasts or any other element in Amerikan culture.

The individual, not the family, is the basic social unit granted liberty in our Constitution.

Evolution is science. Creationism in all its forms - including Intelligent Design - is mythology.

Multiculturalists and Other Neo-Marxists Will Hate Hearing:

Some nations - cultures if you prefer - are superior to others. Cultures practicing human sacrifice, ritual genital mutilation and the like are inherently inferior to a culture based on the ethical bedrock called inalienable individual liberty.

Dead white males made - continue to make - essential, inspiring, contributions to art, music, literature, philosophy, and science. Get over it already.

Saving individuals from themselves is not a proper government function.

Success in life is not a capital offense and does not, automatically, enslave the competent to the parasite horde.

Property rights are enshrined in our Constitution. This means that an individual property owner is entitled to discriminate against other individuals for whatever reasons thrill him spitless. Punishment for such discrimination is a proper function of the marketplace, not the government.

The individual, not the group, is the basic societal unit addressed by Amerika’s Constitution.

Vast Right-Wing Conspirators Must Get Real About:

Twenty-first century conservatism bears no resemblance to the tightly-constrained government created by this nation’s founding fathers.

The Donkey Clan understands that politics is a no-holds-barred blood sport. Until you develop some backbone, the craven cowards you keep electing will always get their butts kicked, even when they control both houses in congress.

When it comes to politics, you are the political equivalent of the French army. The instant you detect any resistance, you reach for the white flag.

Bubba isn’t president anymore. No matter how much it thrills you, blaming today’s problems on yesterday’s villain doesn’t get us one step closer to any solutions.

Unfettered Nanny State growth is doubly reprehensible when you perpetrate it. You no longer have the right to spout rhetoric about being the party of smaller goverment, so put a sock in it and shut the hell up.

Donkey Clan Clowns Must Pull Their Head Out of the Butt About:

No matter how you feel about the last two presidential election cycles, George W. Bush is the President of the United States. Get over it already and stop all that goddamn whining.

Derailing Elephant Clan legicrap, whining about the war on terror and putting up road blocks to the president’s judicial nominees are no substitute for offering your own political vision for enhancing the inalienable individual liberty of each Amerikan.

Stand up and proudly announce that your utopian vision for this nation is a liberty-abolishing Marxist state called The People’s Republic of Amerika.

The United States Constitution means exactly what it says and nothing more. Its gameplan to impose strict, non-negotiable limits on government hasn't changed since our Founding Father's wrote the damn thing. It is what it is...It is what it always has been, so take your "Living Constitution" bovine excrement and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Are we all on the same page now, Scooter, or do I need to explain this to you again, much more forcefully?

Stray Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [04/05]

Jobs Amerikans Won't Do
The men and woman in the Minuteman Project are, in fact, Amerikans performing a job that other Amerikans - bureaucrats and political hacks - won't do: trying to protect our borders.

Ominous Portents
If you think that boob tube fare sucks now, hang onto your hat, couch spud Sparky, because, if the hacks get their way, it's doomed to get much, much worse. For starters, Congressman James Sensenbrenner spewed liberty-nuking prose at some cable industry executives, when he opined that broadcast decency violators - Howard Stern comes to mind - should face criminal charges:

"I'd prefer using the criminal process rather than the regulatory process. People who are in flagrant disregard should face a criminal process rather than a regulator process." (Hollywood Reporter)

Add this to Senator Ted Stevens' scheme to condemn cable and satellite broadcasters to FCC Thought Police hell and you have a recipe for tyranny, not to mention broadcast content that is unendurably unwatchable. Obviously, the unambiguous meaning of the First Amendment is lost on these censorship bonkers, puritanical peabrains. Which part of "Congress shall make no law....abridging the freedom of speech" don't they understand? All of it, obviously.

The time has come to give these congressional puritans a long overdue reality check. The time has come to impose involuntary retirement on these liberty-hating scumbags. Amerika deserves better, but they only way we get there involves kicking these bastards the hell out. The inalienable individual liberty they're abolishing is yours, Sparky. Isn't it about time you defended it?

Random Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [04/04]

Something In The Water?
NewMax stopped me dead in my tracks with a headline that screamed "Networks Snub Pope's Death". That might be true in NewsMax's chemically-altered reality, but here in the real world the big three networks are working the story, relentlessly. NewsMax's complaint, such as it is, involves who the networks selected to cover the story, hardly a smoking gun for a baseless canard like "snubbing the Pope's death". If W decided to send Cheney to the Pope's funeral would NewsMax run a piece about the White House "Snubbing" the Pope's death? Not a chance, Scooter.

PIG has its own issues with the big three networks, but, in this instance, they probably don't deserve this hit piece from NewsMax. PIG hates to tell tales out of school, but we're forced to wonder what they're smoking at NewsMax.

News Cycle Rage
The News Nitwit penchant for stampeding, en masse, from one ubiquitous story to the next is losing its alleged charm at an alarming rate. Last week you couldn't escape the Terri Shiavo death watch if you tried. This week, the same press-card pinheads won't stop yammering about the Pope's transition to room temperature. Now in its third day, the nonstop Pope-a-thon keeps covering the same ground...over, and over, and over, and over, and over. No matter how many times these blithering blowhards tell it, the news is still the same: Pope John Paul II is still dead. Enough already! Which part of "Been there, heard that" don't you media meatheads understand?

The bad news is that this Pope-a-thon probably won't abate before Friday, when they stage the Papal funeral. The good news is that this Pope-a-thon drop-kicked Bob Schindler off the News Nitwit radar. It's not much...not even close to "enough", but I'll take it. Is it time for the news cycle to move on? You better believe it, don't make me come over there Sparky.

Maine Adds GLAAD BAAGs To Protected Groups
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/30]

Despite vocal, but numerically insufficient, protests from the state's puritans, Maine's legicrats are thisclose to adding GLAAD BAAGs to the state's anti-discrimination laws. According to the bill's supporters, this will give this tragic, oft maligned minority their full compliment of rights. Those opposing this bill opine that 'the will of the people' should decide what rights a given group or groups should have. Big, big fun.

Curiously, neither side has the big picture on inalienable individual liberty and the rights ingrained in this non-negotiable concept. Both sides of this dispute, erroneously, assume that rights are conferred on an individual by a benevolent government. Both sides are wrong. Each individual is born with his, her, hisher, or its full complement of inalienable rights; They are not given by the legislature, nor are the bestowed by the 'majority'. Thomas Jefferson made this crystal clear in his Declaration of Independence.

Maine's Human Rights Act grants the protected minorities unearned rights at another sovereign individual's expense. The protected classes earn the right to force an unwilling property owner to rent or sell them a home. The protected classes win the power to force an unwilling employer to hire them, and makes it much, much harder for that same employer to fire them. The protected classes are empowered to force business owners to sell their goods and services to them. By seeking to confer rights on some individuals based, exclusively, on their immutable traits, Maine's Human Rights Act, blatantly, infringes on the inherent right of each individual to voluntarily trade his, her, hisher, or its goods, services and skills with another individual. That's the real reason to oppose it.

Reality is a stubborn, inflexible concept and the reality here is that individuals have the inherent, inalienable right to determine who gets access to their property, and under what conditions. Ignoring the fact that individuals have the inherent right dispose of their rightful property as they see fit, the supporters of this bill infringe on the inalienable right of private individuals to discriminate. Discrimination based on an individual's immutable traits is vile, but it must be overcome through persuasion, not imposed via the government's monopoly on the use of force.

Conservatives Come In Different Flavors
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/28]

Professional prattlers, pontificators and other peabrains are still running off at the mouth over the perception that there are serious fractures within the pachyderm punk conservative wing, so as a public service, PIG offers the following Cliff Notes on three known, conservative subgoups.

Theocon: Theological Conservative.

Prevailing Theocon wisdom insists that: "God's law supercedes man's law."

Since Old Ka-Boom's laws are subject to interpretation by certain 'anointed' individuals, the foregoing tenet becomes: "My personal interpretation of God's law, supercedes man's law."

Classic Theocon policy initiatives include the Federal Marriage Amendment, the FCC Thought Police's relentless quest to impose over the airwaves "decency", coercive laws that criminalize sexual acts perpetrated between consenting adults, eradicating evolution from government school curricula, and laws the dictate what books, music, movies, television shows and Internet sites sovereign, adult, individuals are allowed to see, hear and/or read.

Exemplified by: Senator Rick Santorum, Congressman Tom DeLay

Neoconservative: New Conservative

Often described a "A liberal who has been mugged by reality", this a somewhat new breed of political thought that has been rising since the 1970s. The most marked tendency is the belief in an aggressive foreign policy, as well as using the power of government for conservative social engineering goals.

Exemplified by: Vice President Dick Cheney, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, and Karl Rove

Paleoconservative: Classic Conservativism

Usually used for self-identification, it denotes one who differs with the also self-styled neo-conservatives. The usual point of differentiation is on foreign policy, specifically the Paleocons are very isolationist, both in international trade and military reach.

The 90's era "Contract With America" with its emphasis on fiscal restraint and limiting government was, essentially, the last gasp of paleoconservatism. W's compassionate conservatism drove the final nail into paleoconservatism's coffin.

Exemplified by: Barry Goldwater

Easter Musings:
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/27]

Given today's inescapable spreading of the 'good news' by Cross Cultists , some sort of pagan response seems in order. As I understand it, the reason the Cross Cult is thrilled about their savior is that "he died for our sins". What sins, you ask? Good question. There's the original sin of course, an infraction of divine decorum that must not be confused with assorted other, spontaneous, sins that the true believers undertook on their own recognizance.

For this sake of this discussion, we'll dispense with spontaneous sins and focus on the infamous original one. If true believers had the nads, they'd admit that this whole original sin scam is Old Ka-Boom's personal problem. Unable, unwilling, to take responsibility for his Garden of Eden errors in judgement, he chose, instead, to shift all the blame on the first couple, a pair of humans so clueless they couldn't find their own boom-booms without an anatomy textbook.

Rather than say, "Oops, my mistake" when the first mama ate the apple, he dumps this original sin crap on all mankind. Taking matters from bad to worse, he runs mankind through an unrelenting obstacle course of impossibly complex rules and regulations, until even he had trouble keeping track of them. Needing to put an end to the insanity, he stages this over-the-top crucifixion scheme, telling his terminally-trusting true believers that it made everything okey-dokey again. I don't know about you, but "oops" sounds a lot less complicated.

Random Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/18]

Survey Sez
If you're a tad puzzled over recent congressional grandstanding on such diverse issues as steroids and the Terri Shiavo case, your favorite pagan scribbler has one plausible explanation: congressional approval ratings. According to the recent Gallup Poll congressional approval ratings are at a 5 year low. In fact, their approval rating dropped from a pathetic 45% approval, last month, to a sorry 37% approval in the latest poll. Driving this point home, 53% of those polled disapproved of congress, figure that's 5 points higher than last month's 48% reading. And now you know the rest of the story on congressional grandstanding.

The Elephant Clan's Litmus Test
The Washington Times strayed into well charted "Well, Duh" waters when they, breathlessly, announced that red state, Elephant Clan voters won't support a socially liberal - pro choice - candidate in the 2008 Oval Office derby. That seems to eliminate Condi Rice and Rudy Giuliani, before they get to the starting gate. Based on the prevailing, red state, criteria, the Rev. Lou Sheldon, Dr. James Dobson, and Censor in Chief Brent Bozell are the only ones who come close to qualifying.

For those who need a translation, I feel your pain. If an Elephant Clan candidate's New Puritan credentials aren't in order...If the candidate isn't a fire and brimstone, Cross Cult Fundamentalist...If the candidate isn't willing to make abortion a capital offense, revoke GLAAD BAAGs' citizenship, outlaw Evolution, and perpetrate assorted other tributes to properly-pious tolerance, he, she, heshe, or it need not apply for the job. All things considered, a President Hillary might be, marginally, less loathsome. I know...I know, there's no "amen" coming from the congregation at this, or any other, time on President Hillary.

Purifying Utah, One Town At A Time
A group named "North Utah Communities for Decency" is traveling from one wide spot in the Northern Utah road to the next to browbeat the relevant city hacks into adopting a resolution that "encourages" the city's capitalists to perpetrate a "child-appropriate standard". This "child appropriate standard" comes into play when certain wares that might scar little Johnny or Megan into careening off morality highway into a life filled with non-stop sex, depravity and relentless debauchery are in plain view.

Unless these resolutions are enforced via the local government's monopoly on the use of force, these "for the children" resolutions are, at worse, silly. Each capitalist needs to assess his clientele then act accordingly. The bottom line here is "no harm, no foul", as long as compliance with this decency dementia remains voluntary.

Stray Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/09]

Culture War Musings
When disputes arise over the proper use of government property - The Ten Commandments fiasco, for example - the proper solution isn't more government, nor is it granting special favors to the group with the most political pull. The rational answer involves privatizing the property and letting its new owner decide how he, she, heshe or it wants to use their rightful property. In the Ten Commandments case, let the supernaturalists pass the collection plate, buy the plot of 'public' land, then let the owners erect any deity venerating goodie that thrills them spitless.

Are we all on the same page now, separation of church and state Sparky?

Cell Idiocy
A recent ABC news item spells out the cell idiocy blight in compelling detail, demonstrating for any rational adult that the problems posed by cell phones in public places are not the fault of the technology itself. The villain here isn't the phone; it's the bellowing cretin who insists on engaging in high volume phone conversations in a movie theater, a restaurant, at a play, during a concert, or in the public library.

One high tech solution to this cell idiot pestilence - cell phone jammers - is banned from sea to shining sea and could cost you a hefty $11,000 fine, plus a year in a federal graybar hotel, if the feds nab you with it. Despite the risk involved, countless cell idiot hating Amerikans are buying the things over the Internet.

John Walls, publicity flack for the Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association thinks the cell jammer ban is terminally nifty, but he's curiously silent when it comes to the pernicious plague PIG calls cell idiocy. Jammers are a tempting solution, but, this pagan must, reluctantly, side with the cell idiot coddler John Walls when he derides jammer use as "stealing". If jammers aren't the answer, what can be done. As usual your favorite pagan scribbler has a suggestion or two:

If you're out in public - at a movie, play, or trying to enjoy a quiet meal in your favorite eatery - take the matter into your own hands and get in the cell idiot's face. Since, he, she, heshe, or it already shattered the necessary peace and quiet with their cellular bellowing, bellow back and tell that loudmouth fool to shut the hell up and take his goddamn conversation outside. This solution might not silence the fool, but it will make you feel much, much better.

If you're a regular customer at the given establishment - it works best with a small eatery that you frequent - pressure the owner to banish the cell idiot from the premises if he, she, heshe or it refuses to take the cellular bellowing outside.

If you're a capitalist who hates cell idiocy, establish a no cell phone zone that you enforce, relentlessly. Post signs that if, after warning the cretin, the cell idiot doesn't cease and desist that you will evict them from your establishment. Since bellowing cell idiot cretins are a minority, you might actually gain more customer than you lose.

Inalienable individual liberty puts this cell idiocy blight squarely on a property owner's shoulders. It's your establishment and you're entitled to set the ground rules. A cell phone ban sounds like an ideal place to start. I won't pretend to speak for anyone else, but any cell idiocy free zone can expect my unwavering support where it counts: your cash register.

Random Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/06]

Comrade Hillary
The VRWC (vast right-wing conspiracy) is all atwitter because Comrade Hillary might visit North Korea some time this year. I have no problem with her going to the differently-rational North Korean enclave. It's letting her out again that gives me pause. I can't be the only one who thinks she and Kim Jong Il would make a nifty couple.

Danski Goneski
The countdown to Danski's departure is in full swing, but I'm hard pressed to whip up any enthusiasm over it. Does anyone really believe that a new face on the CBS Evening News will change their blatant liberal bias?

New Pagan Scribbler Term
After years on pagan scribbler "double secret probation", the state formerly known as Kansas finally crossed the line into name change ignobility. Henceforth, be advised that the following term will be used throughout PIG:

Puritanica: The state formerly known as Kansas.

For the sake of clarity, be advised that the following pagan geographic terms are used, relentlessly:

Mexas: The state formerly known as Texas

Mexifornia: The no longer golden state, A.K.A. California. This word originated with Victor Davis Hanson

Talibanma: The state formerly known as Alabama. Word origin: the now defunct "Texas Mercury"

Theocratica: The state formerly known as Virginia

Amerika: politically correct, Nanny State formerly known as America

Amexica: those English-free, immigrant enclaves where our south of the border 'visitors' congregate

Are we all up to speed now, Sparky? "We" better be, because a pop quiz isn't out of the question.

Campaign Finance Reform
Still missing the essential point, campaign finance reformers seek to cure the symptom while ignoring the disease. Money didn't cause the "problem" so limiting, restricting and/or controlling donations won't cure it. The disease itself is obvious to any rational adult, but I'll explain it to you anyway. The government's relentlessly expanding intrusion into the Amerikan economy...The government's interference in all aspects of each sovereign individual's life...created an environment that invited influence buying via campaign donations.

If reformers want to clean up political campaigns...If reformers want to end the on-going sale of political influence to the highest, campaign donation bidder, the solution is obvious: force government to return to its narrow, Constitutionally-defined limits. A properly-Constitutional government isn't worth "buying" because its power to mandate economic and/or cultural winners and losers is minimal.

Promoting Freedom - for Them - While Letting It Die At Home
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/05]

It's more than a tad ironic that while W and his minions crusade to spread freedom abroad, they're working tirelessly to repeal inalienable individual liberty at home. Consider the following, liberty-zapping examples:

Under W, pumped up 'decency' laws greatly restrict a broadcaster's free speech

Under W, proposed decency laws for cable tv, satellite radio, and satellite television would repeal free speech protection for entertainment purveyors who don't use "the public airwaves", but fear not, as usual..."It's for the children."

W signed the blatantly unconstitutional campaign finance laws that will soon muzzle the robust, free speech intensive Internet.

W and his minions haven't lifted a finger about the threat to a sovereign individual's property rights via eminent domain. While the Elephant Clan frittered away the taxpayer's hard earned money on their pet, red state coddling projects, eminent domain expanded beyond recognition. This new, 'improved' eminent domain allows the government to take an individual's rightful property and GIVE it to another private party, because the new...'owner' has deeper pockets and promise to pay higher taxes.

W should stop trying to promote freedom abroad and take meaningful steps to restore a properly-constitutional government in Amerika, before it's too late.

B.C. and A.D. or B.C.E. and C.E.?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [03/03]

Karl Rove's Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Kool-Aid drinkers are venting their rage at the New South Whales (Australia) Educrats who recently replaced the venerable B.C. (Before Christ) and A.D. (anno Domini A.K.A. "In the year of our lord") date designations with B.C.E. and C.E. respectively on certain standard assessment tests. For those who find this denigration of the Cross Dude and his cult alarming, be advised that the C.E. in the new designators stands for that devilish concept "Common Era". Thus, B.C.E. stands for Before Common Era and C.E. means Common Era.

Outraged Cross Cultist probably don't care that the 'new' date designators are not really that new. This pagan scribbler started encountering them at least a decade ago, perhaps longer, so don't get your supernaturalist panties in an uproar over it. This Karl Rove talking points Kool-Aid is just another excuse to flail away at the VRWC's favorite straw man: the dastardly secular plot to outlaw supernaturalism in general and Cross Cultism in particular.

If the revised date designators rates as the greatest threat to conservatism, the VRWC is in dire straits indeed. Why do Karl Rove's Kool-Aid swillers insist on creating Cross Cult destroying mountains out of petty, secular, molehills?

Womyn's Herstory Month
Source: Pagan Scribbler Terminally-Shallow Thought [03/02]

It's women's history month, again, and I, probably, should do something about it. Determined to commemorate it appropriately, I must disinter my vintage Pam Anderson issues of 'Playboy' and, uh, pay homage to those stellar chapters in babe-o-licious history. Can I get a rousing "Amen" for this unprecidented outburst of pagan scribbler sensitivity? Probably not, but I'll cope.

Afterthought
For a more comprehensive salute to Womyn's Herstory, following this link to PIG's "Salute To Unsung Women":

PIG Sounds Off On Womyn's History

Trust me, you're gonna love it.

Rights: The Ones You Have and The Ones You Don't
Source: Pagan Scribbler Tantrum [03/01]

[This rant is a response to Senator Ted Stevens (Elephant Clan) and his plot to appease Amerika's New Puritans by inflicting Amerika's on-going decency dementia on cable television, satellite radio and satellite television, none of which utilize the so-called 'public' airwaves. Obviously the phrase "Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech" is lost on his Goose-stepping, puritanical, peabrain. Listen up, Teddy boy, because this rational adult has some facts to lay on your sorry, liberty-hating, punk ass.]

There is no Constitutional "right" that protects you from being offended.

You don't have the right to criminalize all speech, all images, all activities that you deem inappropriate for your rugrat.

You don't have the right to silence others because you don't want to hear what they say.

You don't have the right to stop others from creating and displaying certain images because you don't want to see them.

You don't have the right to stop others from engaging in private, consensual, sexual activities because you disapprove of them.

You don't have the right to invoke the government's monopoly on the use of force to coerce other individuals to surrender their inalienable right to their own life, their own liberty or the pursuit of their own happiness then force them to adhere to your narrow, puritanical, view of propriety.

You do have the right to associate with any individual you choose.

You do have the right to submit your views, your beliefs, to the marketplace of ideas.

You do have the right to express your opinion about another individual's speech, ideas, actions, and/or the images he, she or it creates.

You do have the right to your own life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, as long as you don't forcibly violate another individual's inalienable, inherent, right to his, her, or it's own life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

[Are we up to speed on inalienable individual liberty now, Teddy boy, or must I come over there and explain it to you in person?]

Doug The Slug
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [02/23]

Unless you just emerged from a coma, returned from a visit to Osama's cave, or managed to, finally, escape from the little green men who abducted you, you're up to speed on a cretin named Doug Wead and his secret taping of conversations he conducted with President George W. Bush from 1998 to 2000. Initially, when the excrement hit the proverbial fan, Doug the Slug tried to hide behind 'documenting a historical figure' bovine excrement to explain why he allowed the New York Times to hear - then publicize - certain selected, private, conversations. Throughout this phase, Doug the Slug insisted that his antics had nothing to do with a new tome he's trying to peddle...Yeah, right, now tell me the one about the Easter Bunny, shit-for-brains.

Doug the Slug's lame excuses didn't cut it with outraged - and who can blame them - vast right-wing conspirators, so he's trying to salvage his sorry butt by canceling his book promotion appearances, donating any/all future proceeds from his tome to charity and turning over the highly publicized tapes to President Bush. Regrettably, we may never learn what prompted Doug the Slug to "do the right thing", but you can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that it got very, very damn hot in the Slug's kitchen.

This pagan scribbler has -rightly and wrongly - been pelted with the celebrated "slings and arrows" for his antics, too many times to count. Be that as it may, this pagan scribbler would never do what Doug the Slug did to anybody: friend, acquaintance, enemy, or stranger. No excuse justifies secretly taping somebody, then releasing those tapes without notifying your 'victim' ahead of time.

Although I am far from the President's biggest fan, he damn sure deserves better than this Doug the Slug crap-o-la. Whatever W and his enraged minions do to him, Doug the Slug has coming. Color this PIG scribbler disgusted, in the extreme, with Doug the Slug's antics.

Nanny State Attack On Property Rights
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [02/21]

According to the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution private property cannot be "be taken for public use without just compensation", but from sea to shining sea, government hacks are twisting these immortal words to suit their own Nanny State purposes. In the two centuries since the Bill of Rights was ratified, Nanny State hacks have, relentlessly, expanded the definition of "public use" to include such blatantly un-goddamn-American abuses as stealing property from one private party and giving it to another private party whose pockets are, much, much deeper, than the property's rightful owner. The "public use" in these cases is the deep pocketed property thief's ability, and willingness, to pay more tribute - taxes - to the government entity that perpetrated this crime against inalienable individual liberty.

In November 2000, a New London, Connecticut property owner named Susette Kelo - and 69 of her neighbors - were hit with eminent domain orders that condemned her home to the wrecking ball so the city could turn her rightful property over to a private developer for a whopping - I am not making this up - $1.00. The new "public use" cited by the city is a 90-acre office park. Susette refused to be evicted and took the matter to court where, after four years, it landed on the U.S. Supreme Court's docket.

A superbly written Capitalism Magazine piece puts this issue in sharp focus:

'...In the context of the Kelo case, the idea that "the public interest" trumps private property rights simply means that the desires of some individuals for property they did not earn and cannot get from others voluntarily trump the rights of those who did earn it and do not want to sell it. Why are their rights trumped? Because some gang with political pull doesn't happen to like how these individuals are using their property.

This is unjust and un-American. America was founded on the principle of individual rights, including the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What do these rights mean if an individual is not free to remain in and enjoy the house he chooses to build his life around, simply because others are clamoring for a shopping mall? Just as it would be unjust for the government to shut down the printing presses of a newspaper because its reporting is unpopular, so it is unjust for the government to raze a house that an individual has earned, developed, and loves, no matter how many cry that the land should be put to other use...' (Capitalism Magazine)

If the Supreme Court puts its seal of approval on this new Nanny State abuse, it will obliterate the foundation for our inalienable individual liberty: your inalienable right to determine how you will use your rightful property. How? It paints a "fair game" Nanny State bull's-eye on the property that's been in your family for decades. Under this egregiously expanded "public use" canard, your rightful property can be stolen from you the instant some asshat with deep pockets decides that he wants it. All he, she or it has to do is grease the appropriate hack's palm and that fast, your home, your family's history, your whole neighborhood is condemned to the wrecking ball because somebody else will pay more tax dollar tribute to the Nanny State. That is so goddamn un-American it can't be quantified.

Amerika's New Puritans
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [02/18]

If a book, movie, televisions show, advertisement, magazine or newspaper offends THEM, Amerika's New Puritans invoke the government's monopoly on the use of force to prevent YOU from seeing it.

YOU are not allowed to listen to certain music because it offends THEM.

YOU are not allowed to watch your favorite, adult-themed television show because it offends THEM.

YOU are not allowed to hear a warts-and-all Howard Stern broadcast, because it offends THEM.

YOU are not allowed to buy a Playboy at your local magazine purveyor, because it offends THEM.

YOUR life must be severely restricted to please THEM, because THEY are anal retentive, rigidly-righteous retards.

The government should stop YOU from engaging in specific sexual practices with another consenting adult, because THEY claim that certain sexual acts between consenting adults are irredeemably sinful.

THEIR narrow-minded, hate-filled theology must be imposed on YOU, by force if necessary, because THEY are more righteous than THOU.

Random Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [02/10]

Condi
Condi Rice is a bright woman whose accomplishments are impressive. Tragically, she seems to have a problem when it comes to the proper function of that ubiquitous household fixture: the mirror. Has she ever looked at her hair? How can a woman that smart look at that 'do' and say: "This hairdo rocks my world"?

His Master's Voice
Hannity got orgasmic over his interview with Elephant Clan Svengali, Carl Rove. As thrilling as this must be for the loyal, red state, horde, it strikes this pagan as 'been there, done that'. The glass half full view of this interview is this: It's refreshing to hear Rove's words first hand, instead of getting to them second hand, when Hannity spouts his assigned - by Rove - talking points.

More Random Synaptic Activity
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [02/06]

It's For The Children
Each time some activist, legicrat or bureaucrat infringes on inalienable individual liberty, he, she or it, does so 'for the children'. For the children, a sovereign adult individual is subjected to boob tube, boom box and Internet fare that is reduced to a bland, nothingness. For the children, sovereign adult individuals have their access to music, movies, magazines, and countless other things 'restricted'. For the children, Amerika's inalienable individual liberty is, incrementally, being stripped away.

Spurred on by the latest, for the children, decency dementia, this pagan tripped over some compelling facts buried in the 2003 U.S. Census Data:

Fact 1 - Total U.S. Population = 282,909,885

Fact 2 - Total U.S. Population Under Age 18 = 72,634,442 (25.7% of the total U.S. Population)

Fact 3 - Total U.S. Households = 108,419,506

Fact 4 - Total U.S. Population With At least one person under age 18 = 38,429,174 (35.4% of U.S. households)

Does the fun fact that roughly two-thirds of U.S. households don't have children mean that the one-third with children is not entitled to their full compliment of inalienable individual rights? Nope. On the other hand, should the one-third of U.S. households with children be allowed to repeal, infringe or trample on the inalienable individual liberty of sovereign adult individuals? Not no, but hell no.

"It's for the children" is nothing more than politically motivated fertilizer. It's the excuse of first resort for every aspiring tyrant.

Kool-Aid Moment I
Hannity is blithering about Comrade Hillary and her brazen attempt to recast herself as a "centerist". He points out, with impassioned fervor, that Comrade Hillary is, always was, and shall forever be "a liberal". No argument, but his unstated contention that her ploy is unique, or characteristically 'lefty', overlooks one very inconvenient fact:

In 2000 a no shit big government loving, nanny state promoting, statist to the core, hack named George W. Bush recast himself as a "compassionate conservative", when, in actual fact he's a LIBERAL just like his daddy.

Hannity needs to wake up and smell the statist coffee: W and his pachyderm homeboys are cut from the same cloth as their Donkey Clan rivals. Both political clans work tirelessly to inflict a relentlessly-growing government on Amerika's sovereign individuals. Their primary disagreement isn't over how big the government should be; it's over which inalienable liberties the Nanny State behemoth should repeal, for the good of the people as a whole.

Kool-Aid Moment II
Hannity continued pounding out the approved Elephant Clan mantra when he tackled W's bloated budget proposal. W's cuts aren't really cuts, they're reduced increases, Hannity announced with his familiar fervor. Am I supposed to do hand-springs because W keeps frittering away the taxpayers' hard earned money? Am I expected to break out the Champagne because the two-fisted spender occupying the Oval Office is one of Hannity's pachyderm punks? Don't hold your breath, Sean, because I won't go there. Not now, not ever.

PIG Public Service Announcement
Source: Pagan Scribbler PSA [02/04]

From our "proceed at your own risk" desk, we offer the following Internet posting, in all it's unedited glory:

WHAT TO DO, IF YOU GET A TRAFFIC TICKET

This advice was sent by a retired State Farm agent!

This system has been tried and it works in every state. If you get a speeding ticket or went through a red light or whatever the case may be, and you're going to get points on your license. This is a method to ensure that you DO NOT get the points.

When you get your fine, send in a check to pay for it. If the fine is $79.00 make the check out for $82.00 or some small amount over the fine. The system will then have to send you back a check for the difference, however here is the trick. DO NOT CASH THE REFUND CHECK! Throw it away! Points are not assessed to your license until all financial transactions are complete. If you do not cash the check, then the transactions are NOT complete. The system has received it's money and is satisfied and will no longer bother you. This information comes from an unmentionable computer company that sets up the standard databases used by every state.

PIG disavows any and all responsibility - legal, ethical, whatever - for any reality check incurred if you follow this dubious Internet...wisdom. You're strictly on you own, this time, Sporty. We so don't want to hear about 'it'.

Illegal Immigration Strays Onto Rush's Radar
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/31]

Immigration registered on VRWC (Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy) radar when conservative icon, Rush Limbaugh, shared his worries about a potential GOP schism over W's fetid, illegal immigration, proposals. Limbaugh encouraged his 20,000,000 ditto head listeners to rally around the 'protect our borders' banner, for the good of the Elephant Clan's ruling majority, after Mexico's Foreign Secretary, Luis Ernest Derbez, spouted drivel about aiming the international court at the U.S. in general and Arizona in particular. This sombrero stomping hack has his panties in a wad because Arizona's rightful citizens decided to kick border jumping asshats off the state's taxpayer-funded gravy train.

Although Rush's primary motivation seems to center on a disastrous split in the Elephant Clan's ruling majority, he did manage to put the issue - illegal immigration - on the front burner by mobilizing his politically-active audience. Rush is unlikely to sway W, but his nationwide reality check on illegal immigration could motivate D.C. Legicrats to get serous about meaningful border security. Whatever Rush's motives, his help is essential if Amerika hopes to repel this border jumping scumbag invasion. If Rush is the one who can break through the VRWC wall of silence on Mexico's blatant attempt to export its poverty to the USA, so be it.

W's Quest for Worldwide Democracy
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/25]

W's quest to spread "democracy" troubles me, but not for the same reasons it troubles his critics on the left. Like too many allegedly-rational adults, W uses the term "democracy" when he should be using "inalienable liberty".

Democracy = majority rule = whatever the mob wants is cool.

Inalienable Liberty = recognizes that each individual is born with a full compliment of rights that cannot be voted away by the mob, or the state..

Democracy does not, necessarily denote a respect for individual liberty. In fact, pure democracy - mob rule, by any other name - has a well documented penchant for voting away the no longer 'inalienable' rights of a despised minority. Consider the following examples of democratic nations that don't exhibit a glimmer of inalienable individual liberty:

Nigeria is, strictly speaking, "democratic" when the majority votes to demote Nigerian females to second class citizenship...at best.

Indonesia is, strictly speaking, "democratic", when the Islamic majority makes liberty-crushing Islamic edicts the law of the land.

What W should be promoting - for every denizen of this planet - is inalienable individual liberty. To that end, he could start in the good old USA where he should abolish all legally enshrined assaults on individual liberty. If he wants to spread liberty, he should start in his own backyard and let Amerika lead the world to inalienable liberty by its shining example.

Boom Box Blithering
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/25]

Yesterday (January 24) a Hell-A based, VRWC (Vast Right-Wingnut Conspiracy) second stringer used his boom box show to discuss Johnny Carson's passing. This boom box babbler seemed annoyed - very damn annoyed - that Carson was a very private individual. He cited Carson's 'disappearance' after his retirement from the 'Tonight Show', then complained that he didn't know any-damn-thing about Carson's political leanings, thoughts, or affiliations. That's when I knew I'd strayed into the boom box twilight zone.

This same host who complains about Carson's closely held - not for public consumption - political thoughts was the first - the loudest - when it came to castigating Hollywood's liberal, lip-flapping lefties when they 'thrilled' everyone by airing their lefty political notions in public. A Hollywood icon keeps his politics to himself and you're pissed. Countless Hollywood lefties air their political views in public and you go postal. Make up your mind dude...you can't have it both ways.

Remembering Johnny Carson
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/25]

This PIG scribbler pauses to remember Johnny Carson as an exceptional entertainer who didn't feel the need to splash his private life across the fishwrap's front pages. Unlike today's 'entertainers' who wear their political notions on their sleeve, Johnny Carson kept his political affiliations, ideals and beliefs to himself. Johnny Carson understood that his primary public function was entertainer, not pundit. It's too bad more 'celebrities' don't emulate his sterling example.

A very private man, Johnny Carson gave us all that we deserved, and more, as the long-running host of the 'Tonight Show'. He was a gifted entertainer, and for his exceptional skills in that lifelong endeavor, this PIG scribbler salutes him.

The Prevailing Presidential Psyche
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/21]

The usual W descriptors employed by wordsmiths tap dance around the president's overriding character trait. Popular descriptions include, but are not limited to: resolute, steadfast, staying the course, the courage of his convictions.

My local fishwrap - at best a lukewarm W supporter - finessed the point with this prose:

"One of the defining traits of President George W. Bush is his willingness to pick a side, stick with it and make his case for why he believes as he does. That can be frustrating when one disagrees with the president, given his immobility once he embraces a viewpoint..." (Orange County Register)

Resolute? Steadfast? Viewpoint immobility? Why can't these wordsmiths spit it out: the president is a pig-headed SOB who can't, and/or won't, change his mind when reality proves him wrong.

This Oval Office, stubborn as a mule, bovine excrement explains our less than stellar postwar antics in Iraq and the presidential "immobility" when faced with proof that Amerika is being invaded by border jumping scumbags. The time has come to demand that Amerika's wordsmith horde add the following pagan scribbler terms to the authorized presidential descriptiors: mulish, pig-headed, stubborn in the extreme.

Kommandant Powell Goneski?
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/21]

FCC Chairman Michael Powell will take off his jackboots for the last time, sometime this spring, when he resigns as Thought Police Kommandant. Rational adults might be tempted to celebrate his departure, but I strongly suggest that you refrain from breaking out the champagne until a new FCC Kommandant is named. The fact is, that as bad as Powell's tenure is, things could be much, much worse. Until a replacement is named, a broadcaster's free speech protection hangs in the balance.

Given Congress's mindless zeal to censor everything Amerika sees, hears, or reads, the new FCC Kommandant will be 'more of the same', at best. Why not end the suspense, and streamline the free speech obliteration by naming - drum roll - Amerika's self-appointed censor, Brent Bozell, as Powell's replacement? I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. I'm not smoking weed, nor am I muddled by excessive adult beverage use.

Making Bozell Kommandant is not as irrational as you might think. For one thing, it will force him to do his censorship in the full light of day, where everybody watch him obliterate the First Amendment. Furthermore, making him Kommandant would streamline Brent's crusade to dictate everything you're allowed to see, hear or read. The way things stand, now, Brent must take in the offending media fare, decide why he wants it nuked, write the appropriate letter, post it on his web site, then send out a newsletter ordering his pre-programmed robots to download the letter, affix their name to it and send it to the FCC. As FCC Kommandant, Bozell would simply declare a show 'indecent' then banish it.

All hail our new Thought Police Kommandant, Brent Bozell.

Pay For Play Columnist
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/14]

The instant the Armstrong Williams story hit the streets, the usual lefty suspects started beating their chests, pointing accusing fingers at the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and shouting, "See, we told you so." For those readers who just returned to sanity after a sojourn in some alternative reality, be advised that the Federal Educrap Department paid Mr. Williams a hefty $240,000 to promote W's "No Child Left Behind" scheme on his radio show, during his television appearances and in his commentary columns. From there the story took on a life of its own.

At least two Donkey Clan Senators want the GAO (Government Accounting Office) to rifle through the federal books to see if any other Elephant Clan Kool-Aid drinkers scored any taxpayer bucks to promote W's policies.

Elsewhere, an FCC Commissioner demanded that the Commission launch an investigation to determine of Mr. Williams broke any laws when he took the money, then spewed his assigned, No Child Left Behind rocks my world, on-air prose.

Capitol Hill Legicrats of the Donkey Clan persuasion want to conduct the usual witch hunt, so they demanded that Educrap Department Secretary Paige, turn over all the relevant documents. Congressional Hearings seem like a slam dunk...sooner or later.

Borrowing a page from Brent Bozell's playbook, lefties flooded the FCC with complaints about Mr. Williams and his pay for play antics. The complaint letter count is disputed, but one FCC minion put the number in the 'thousands'. Something called Free Media (I'm smelling a lefty cabal) promised to forward 12,000 complaints it received on this Armstrong Williams 'scandal' to the FCC...any minute now.

The other shoe dropped when the FCC's Kommandant Michael Powell announced that the FCC has, officially, launched an investigation into the Armstrong Williams incident.

This multi-front rifling through federal invoices smells like a frantic search by Donkey Clan zealots to get some dirt on their mortal enemies: the VRWC's babblers on talk radio...and elsewhere. At this point, their quest for more VRWC babblers to excoriate is little more than wishful thinking.

Will this chink in the boom box-based Kool-Aid Club's armor widen to indict VRWC heavy hitters like Hannity, Ingraham, Medved, and others to be named, later? I doubt it. My problems with the aforementioned Kool-Aid swillers are well documented, but, that said, I don't see Hannity, Ingraham or Medved risking their reputations - their careers - so foolishly. When this frantic search for more scalps to hang from the investigative gallows finally ends, Armstrong Williams will be the only chat show host caught selling his credibility to the highest bidder. You heard it here, first.

A Family Values Inaugural
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/13]

Kid Rock got exorcized from the Inauguration's youth concert, after the family values goose-steppers gave W's leash a hard yank. Make no mistake, W may occupy the Oval Office, but the family values horde is calling the shots. He may, or may not, be getting celestial marching orders directly from Old Ka-Boom, but, it's a slam dunk that W's earthly reality checks come from Don Wildmon (American Family Association), Brent Bozell (Family Research Council) and Dr. James Dobson.

Is this Kid Rock fiasco a portent of things to come during W's second term? Probably, because Amerika's self-appointed censors are determined to use W's second term to give them the power to dictate everything you're allowed to see, hear, or read. Make no mistake, Kid Rock is just the beginning. It's gonna get very ugly before W finishes his second term.

Today's Kool Aid
Source: Pagan Scribbler Shallow Thoughts [01/12]

Today, the VRWC (vast right-wingnut conspiracy) talking points revolve around W's holy roller-themed interview with the Moonies at the 'Washington Times'. Hannity kept beating his "a Universe that evolved out of nothing" dead horse, blithering that it was irrational. Curiously, he deems a deity that "always existed" a rational notion. Medved was on a similar tack, trying to lure unwary secularists into launching Red State Theocracy trial balloons for him to puncture. Neither was compelling radio.

As usual, the occasional rational adult called up to set the record straight. They learned, what I already know: Faith, at it's core, is raw, irrational, emotion and trying to reason with an emotion is pointless. By their own choice, true believers stopped be thinking individuals. Instead, they "feel", "believe", or "trust in God" to conduct their lives for them. That's fine, for them, but don't hold your breath waiting for this pagan to check his brain at the Toll Booth (a church) door.