Effective January 1, 2006, Old Dominion denizens who want access to Medicaid, welfare, and other taxpayer funded goodies need to furnish a valid Social Security number. For a snapshot of the two sides of this issue, PIG News offers the following quotes for your thoughtful consideration:

Delegate David Albo, the state Legicrat who sponsored this bill:

"A lot of us were saying, instead of raising taxes, why don't we start prioritizing where we're spending our existing money. One of the things we found out was the state was not checking for legal presence for Medicaid."

" [Due to a 2004 bill he sponsored denying driver's licenses to illegals] In the first year, 187,000 people were turned away from the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles. To me, the same arguments that presented themselves for the DMV driver's license debate are here in the public benefits debate." (Daily Press)

A border jumping scumbag coddler named Walter Tejada, chairpunk of the Virginia Latino Advisory Commission, spouted this drivel:

"We had someone from Virginia Beach call alarmed that this means she can no longer take her kids to school. There's an educational process that's needed. It's the fear, the fear factor that some people enjoy creating. There's an anti-immigrant sentiment and it's clearly shown in these initiatives."

"The proponents of this law could never cite specific figures of exactly how much (money) it is that immigrants are draining out of the system. It's a lot of hot air." (Daily Press)

Walter needs to do better than that, if he expects PIG News to salute that twaddle. The savings don't exist because the bill's sponsors can't pinpoint the savings down to the last penny? It's anti-immigrant to demand that taxpayer funded services go to legal residents of the state? Bite me, you Colonista son-of-a-bitch.

Tar Hell State News
Source: PIG News NC Correspondent Anthony Scott [12/30]

Cleveland County (NC)
A government cess school teacher in Crest High School had a very close call when he came 'thisclose' to drinking some water that was laced with Ecstasy. The doctored water was, allegedly, a student prank that almost worked, but for a warning from another student. At press time, two 9th graders are on a 10 day suspension while school officials wait for test results on the water.

Raleigh (NC)
Two teenage punks got a nasty shock when they tried to rob Damian Powell at gun point. When they flashed their shootin' iron, and demanded Damian's money, their victim quickly turned the tables on them. Knocking the gun from the punk's hand, Damian ran to his ride, liberated his own shootin' iron then, traded hot lead with the punks, wounding one of them.

The two punks took off like scalded dogs but the cops nabbed them when the wounded punk, Cesar Solorzano, showed up at an emergency room with a gunshot wound. Cesar and his homeboy, Antoine Sanders, are graybar guest facing charges of 'attempted robbery with a dangerous weapon'.

Durham (NC)
Durham cops responded to a tip that a perp who was wanted concerning a shooting death was holed up in a local hotel. Leaving nothing to chance, the cops dispatched an armored car and their special tactics squad to bag the bad guy. The tense siege lasted for more than three nail-biting hours until, belatedly, the men in blue ended it with a flash grenade barrage. When they got into the hotel room in question it was empty.

Cary (NC)
The anticipated drug bust didn't got exactly as planned when the two men under surveillance didn't deliver the 10.5 pounds of pot as expected. After the two suspects didn't act according to the cops' plan, the men in blue gave chase and finally bagged them for "conspiracy to traffic marijuana". So far, so good.

One dude was easily identified, but his partner in crime steadfastly refuses to give his name. Since his fingerprints aren't on file, the local authorities are left scratching their heads. What to do? Cary P.D. Captain Dave Wulff offers this stop the presses quote: "It'd make things a lot easier if he told us who he was. You do have to tell us who you are." Yeah, right dude, but your John Doe didn't get the memo on that dose of public safety wisdom.

Roanoke Rapids (NC)
Former Congressman Frank Ballance made his first - and only - term in office so memorable he quit before his term was completed. Frank blamed his untimely departure from office on his health, but others think his exit was motivated by his differently-ethical antics:

'... [Frankie] was sentenced to prison in October after pleading guilty to funneling tax dollars into the nonprofit John A. Hyman Memorial Foundation he operated to help poor people fight drug and alcohol abuse and to using $100,000 for himself and his family...' (AP)

Unwilling to accept the blame for his own actions, Frank spewed this pitiful prose, instead: "I've accepted the situation that I'm in, the fact that a judge decided that I need to have a four-year sentence when under all the facts that was not indicated nor deserved, but you just accept that and move on" (AP). Yeah right, dude, you're a victim of blind justice...NOT. Grow a pair Frank and admit that you screwed up and got caught with your hand in the taxpayers' pocket.

Anchor Babies In The Bull's-Eye
Source: News Max [12/26]

"Most Americans feel it doesn't make any sense for people to come into the country illegally, give birth and have a new U.S. citizen. But the advocates for illegal immigrants will make a fuss; they'll claim you're punishing the children, and I suspect the leadership doesn't want to deal with that." (Ira Mehlman of the Federation of American Immigration Reform)

"Any issue that has a 'damn right' response, you can go with. You ask if we should stop illegal immigrants from coming onto this country and having a baby here who is an American citizen, and most people say, 'Damn right."' (PIG Hero Emeritus, Congressman Tom Tancredo)

A Georgia Congressman, Nathan Deal, stirred up a political hornet's nest when, together with at least 70 congressional co-sponsors, he tried to add a complete revocation of the 14th Amendment's "birthright citizenship" to the immigration bill that the house passed in mid-December. Unwilling to go there, Elephant Clan congressional leaders pulled it from the bill they passed, but the efforts to deny citizenship to babies popped by border jumping scumbags are just getting started.

Nobody expects this anchor baby ban to get anywhere, in the short run. Nonetheless, the idea is alarming enough to the usual suspects that it has them gearing up to vilify anyone who thinks American citizenship should mean something as bed-sheet and hood wearing racists. If, as they claim, this idea is "extreme", "wacko", "far fetched", "probably unconstitutional" and hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell, why are these border jumping scumbag coddlers acting so worried about it? Maybe they understand that legal Amerikan residents are up to here with this border jumping scumbag invasion. Maybe the Colonista pinheads are alarmed that, from sea to shining sea, rational adults are saying "Enough is enough. Stop this border jumping invasion, right damn now, or we'll do it ourselves."

PIG News sees nothing extreme, or racist, about denying citizenship to some infant whose only claim on Uncle Sam is the fact that his, her, hisher or its parents invaded the USA, un-damn-invited, for the sole purpose of having an anchor baby here. It's goddamn asinine to let them keep getting away with this crap and that's a fact.

Bar Fight of The Week
Source: PIG News Wire [12/23]

While lurking in a Detroit adult beverage emporium, city councilwench-elect, Monica Conyers - she's the battling bride of Congresspunk John Conyers - got into a public punchout with another female bar patron. Nobody disputes that Ms. Conyers punched a woman's lights out, but, her claim of self-defense is hotly debated.

Conyers Story:

While minding her own business, Conyers was verbally assaulted by Rebecca Mews who "came over and literally started spewing obscene names". When, according to Ms. Conyers, Ms. Mews shoved her, Conyers decked her.

Mews Story:

'...when Conyers began speaking to her date with her back to her, she tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Pardon me. She turned around and began yelling at me," Mews said. "When I began yelling back at her, she punches me in my left eye several times," Mews said. "I never struck her. Never once did I hit her."..' (AP)

The truth probably lies somewhere in between. Ms. Conyers started chatting up Rebecca's date. Rebecca didn't like the looks of it so she went to break it up. Words were exchanged, and a cat fight ensued, resulting in a shiner for Rebecca and bad publicity for councilwench-elect Conyers.

Afterthoughts:
Given the Motor City's financial woes, they could put a sizeable dent in their debt load by staging a pay-per-view rematch between these battled wenches. It's a surefire ratings winner, because everybody enjoys a cat fight.

Standing Orders
Source: World Net Daily [12/19]

In addition to the border jumping scumbag invaders, our undefended southern border is also violated by Vicente Fox's drug running countrymen. As thrilling as that is, the drug runners, routinely, use Mexican military units to provide an armed and dangerous security service.

World Net Daily shares these stop the presses facts:

'...[confrontations between U.S. Border Patrol Agents and drug running Mexican Military units] have become so routine the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has issued written orders that agents carry with them regarding "what to do" if confronted by Mexican military units, many of which are in the employ of Mexico's powerful drug cartels.

According to the "Military Incursion" cards, "Mexican military are trained to escape, evade and counter-ambush if it will affect their escape." Therefore, the card says, Border Patrol agents should follow recommended procedures in case they encounter armed Mexican military units.

The paper said the cards also instruct agents to hide from Mexican military operating in their areas. Rather than engage in contact, agents are ordered to "Avoid it." One Arizona agent described the units to the paper, saying they "are active Mexican military that have sold out to the cartels."...'

Don't hold your breath waiting for Vicente W. Bush to mention this front on the war to defend Amerika from its sworn enemies during any of the fireside chats he's using to rebuild his approval rating. It's never going to happen because, quite frankly, President Vicente W. Bush doesn't give a flaming damn about defending the integrity of our nation's borders. If he's that determined to live in Spanish-speaking squalor, he should resign and move to goddamn Mexico.

Unlikely Heroine
Source: Asbury Park Press (Jersey) [12/17]

Tuckered out after a hard night's work, Sabrina Nesci saw the car slam into a concrete median then catch fire. Reacting immediately, she pulled over, then rushed across a busy highway to the driver's rescue, an effort that was seconded by two good Samaritans. Helping drag the injured driver free from the car, Sabrina who is a towering 4-11, was just getting started. Assisted by the two Samaritans, she helped lug the injured driver to safety while she dodged oncoming traffic and crossed the busy Garden State Parkway.

And what, you ask makes Sabrina an unlikely heroine? Oh, did we mention that this courageous pixie works as an exotic dancer in a Tom's River booty parlor? PIG News is willing to go out on a limb and state that Sabrina is a woman with the "right stuff" in more ways than one. Kudos Sabrina...You're our kind of gal.

Catch-22 In D.C.
Source: PIG News Wire [12/17]

The D.C. Court of Appeals nailed the District denizens with a coming and going gotcha that makes Catch-22 look like kid stuff. The fun started several years ago when the District officials installed some strategically placed red-light cameras at key intersections. One camera alone was ringing up an enriching $10,000 in fines a day ($1,500,000 in six months). Ka-Ching! There's just one teensy problem: the cameras nailed an estimated 20,000 (District officials admit to 13,000) law-abiding drivers along with the lead-footed ones. Eventually, District officials did the right thing and took the cameras down. Big, fun, but it gets better.

A lawyer named Daniel Wemhoff decided to help the plundered drivers - and himself no doubt - by nailing the city with a class-action lawsuit. When a lower court shot him down because he didn't have the names of the victimized drivers, Daniel filed a Freedom of Information Request to force the city to turn over the names of the drivers who had been victimized. That request propelled Daniel into the Judicial Twilight Zone where a three judge court of the appeals panel ruled that giving Mr. Wemhoff the names would violate people's privacy.

Let's take second look at this ruling, just for fun. Daniel can't file a class action suit because he hasn't got the victims names. But, he can't get the victims' names because that would violate the privacy of the drivers the city ripped off. Eat your heart out Catch-22.

Politically Incorrect Billboard of the Year
Source: A Tip From our NC Correspondent, Anthony Scott [12/16]

Amanda Bowen and the other rational adults in the Coalition for a Secure Driver's License put Mecca Maniac panties in a wad with a billboard campaign that warns of the dangers of giving a driver's license to any-damn-body who shows up at the Tar Heel State's motor vehicles office. The billboard is so spiffy it's in the running for politically incorrect ad of the year:

'...The photo on the billboard shows a man shrouded in a traditional Arab head scarf clutching a grenade and a North Carolina driver's license...' (NBC)

A wench from the Arab American Institute, Christine Saah Nazer, had a complete hissy fit over the billboard, spouting drivel about the ad painting a picture of Arabs in general, and Mecca Maniacs in particular, as a 'dangerous and violent people'. Just because Mecca Maniacs behead Christian school girls for sport in Indonesia...Just because a peace loving Mecca Maniac killed Dutch film maker Theo Van Gogh because he didn't like Theo's attitude about Islam...Just because Mecca Maniacs the world over scream Jihad and start spewing death threats whenever they disagree with something doesn't mean they're "a dangerous and violent" people. Yeah, right, darlin', now tell me the one about the Easter Bunny.

Delusional enough to believe that her wounded feelings repeal Amanda Bowen's inherent right to free speech, Christine is sacrificing liberty on the altar of "that might offend somebody". As bad as that is, it gets worse: the pinheads in North Carolina's Department of Transportation shouted a rousing "Amen" when they vilified the billboard as "offensive".

If you live in North Carolina, it's time to put down that brewskie and start cleaning the whining wingnuts out of the state's bureaucracy before it's too damn late.

Courtroom Capers
Source: PIG News Wire [12/15]

Mexifornia
The bone of contention: '...University of California board of regents knowingly violated a federal law enacted in 1996 that says any state that offers discounted in-state tuition to its illegal aliens must provide the same lower rates to all U.S. citizens...' (Washington Times)

The aggrieved party: 42 University of California students from 19 states who paid the U.C. System's out of state tuition while border jumping scumbags got a special in state rate.

The Devilish Details: U.C. officials know they're breaking federal law, so they arm-twisted Mexifornia's Marxist legicrats into passing a law that gives them 'no refunds necessary' immunity when their antics are declared illegal, unconstitutional, or both.

The likely outcome: The issue hangs in the balance, but the one sure thing is that no matter which side prevails, Mexifornia's legal, taxpaying residents are the ultimate losers.

Springfield, Illinois
The bone of contention: A $10,000,000,000 class-action lawsuit against Philip Morris USA.

The aggrieved party: Smokers who claim that Philip Morris lied when it claimed "light" smokes are healthier than regular smokes.

The Devilish Details: The Federal Trade Commission specifically authorized tobacco companies to label their smokes "low tar" and/or "light".

The outcome: The Illinois Supreme Court threw out the class action lawsuit and ordered the lower courts to dismiss the suit. "If the FTC has specifically authorized the use of the terms .... PM USA (Philip Morris) may not be held liable under the Consumer Fraud Act, even if the terms might be deemed false, deceptive or misleading," (Justine Rita Garman, writing for the majority as quoted in the Seattle Times)

Not Exactly A Snowman
Source: Times Herald-Record (Middletown, N.Y.) [12/14]

There are numerous plausible reasons that explain why Jessica Sherer constructed a giant, anatomically-correct snow wang on her boyfriend's front lawn. Curiously, the only ones deemed suitable for this Empire State fishwrap are these:

'...phallic displays were central to Viking winter solstice celebrations of fertility and rebirth...'

'...phallic rituals were as much a part of the Hopi Indian winter festivals as the Hawk dance....' (Times Herald-Record)

Since Jessica is neither a Viking, nor a Hopi, we can dispense with such cultural trivia and move on the to main event. The fun started when the New Windsor cops responded to a call about an "offensive" display on the front lawn of a home around the corner from - gasp - New Windsor Elementary School. Since nobody was home, these badge-packing Philistines desecrated Jessica's 6 -foot tall wang shrine by beating it down with shovels. Shocking, utterly shocking!

This desecration is doubly offensive since, under the town's laws, snow sculptures in the shape of a giant wang are street legal. We're delighted to report that, undeterred by this criminal police abuse of her artwork, Jessica plans to rebuild her snow wang, at her earliest convenience.

The Infamous Coffee Aroma Caper
Source: Seattle Times [12/14]

The job for life bureaucrats - every damn one a Great Northwestern Nitwit - at the Puget Sound Clean Air Agency are so anal about their task they actually declared the aromas wafting up from coffee bean roasters to be a pollutant. How can the coffee swilling capitol of Amerika be so hypocritical that it declares one of the greatest aromas on the plant - roasting coffee beans - to be noxious? We don't know, but it's a fact.

The bureaucrats require all coffee wranglers who roast more than 10 pounds of beans at a time to buy an afterburner. We know what you're thinking and this has nothing to do with a flame-throwing jet engine. This bureaucrat-mandated goodie is a heater that burns up the coffee roaster's smoke and aromas. Oh, did I mention that it will set the coffee wrangler back a spiffy $15,000 when you factor in installation, fuel and the gizmo itself.

Given the overwhelming number of leftist pinheads infesting this rain-soaked outpost of Northwest Nitwithood, this scribbler is hard pressed to give a damn about this self-inflicted wound. The lefties put these aroma-phobic pinheads in a position of power, so they deserve the utterly predictable lunacy that ensues.

A Well Duh Epic
Source: Stamford Advocate (Connecticut) [12/11]

Today's "Well, duh" winner is the state of Connecticut. In a move calculated to save thousands of taxpayer dollars, Governor Jodi Rell asked state employees to start using the phone book or free, on-line phone directories when they need to find a phone number. How does this save money? Get a grip, Sparky. Every time you dial 411 the phone company rewards you by charging you for that call.

The most alarming element in this story isn't the fact that Connecticut's job for life bureaucrats didn't have the good sense to check the phone book or the Internet. The real shocker is that some rational adult slipped through the Nanny State's defenses and got close enough to Connecticut's governor to plant this notion in her brain. PIG demands an investigation, stat.

Public Enemy Number One In Atlanta
Source: Sacramento Bee [12/09]

From our no good deed goes unpunished desk, PIG News brings you the action packed saga of a certain Atlanta subway rider. Donald Pirone stumbled into public transit hell when he spotted a fellow subway customer struggling to get a subway token from the automated token vending machine. Donald came to the rescue by offering to sell his fellow passenger one of his extra tokens, at face value - the $1.75 he paid for it. That easily, our hero did a header into the dark underbelly of public transit. A roving transit cop spotted the transaction and he, she, heshe or it arrested then handcuffed Donald.

Securely ensconced in their reality-proof, Twilight Zone headquarters, the relevant Southern-fried public transit pinheads insist that the transit cop's antics are just fine by them. Spouting drivel about "the officer acting within the law" and some irrational bovine excrement about their economic woes, transit authorities defended their antics, including handcuffing Mr. Pirone.

If you live in Atlanta and ride the subway, be afraid, be very afraid. This public transit pesthole is run by meatheads who are utterly and completely devoid of common sense.

"Because I Said So"
Source: Venice Gondolier Sun (Florida) [12/07]

The fun started when the good citizens of Venice (Florida) decided to commemorate a long term Venice denizen, animal trainer Gunther Gebel-Williams by erecting a statue in his honor. Despite the fact that Mr. Gebel-Williams achieved room temperature in 2001, some PETA (People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals) pinheads decided to protest the festivities. PETA needed to air certain unresolved issues that these retards have with the deceased Ringling Brothers star. Big, big fun.

PETA's plans hit a major speed bump when they tried to get permission to attend from Venice Police Chief Jim Hanks:

'...Their request to attend the public ceremony on publicly-owned property was met with a resounding "No" from Police Chief Jim Hanks. Not only was the answer no, but the reason Hanks gave was something usually only a parent tells a child. "Because I said so," Hanks was heard to tell the protesters...'

'..."It's your Constitutional right to stand right here," Hanks was heard telling PETA spokesperson Elizabeth Parowski. "And I'm going to stand right with you. ... You can consult your lawyers and sue me later."...' (Gondolier Sun)

Thanks to Chief Hanks, the PETA punks were isolated at the far side of the railroad tracks, an estimated 50-100 feet away from the ceremony. Call us names if you must, but Chief Hanks is our top candidate for Lawman of the Year.

Rocky Mount (North Carolina) officials finally decided to throw in the towel on the proposed statue of Martin Luther King Jr. ["Southern-Fried Statue Stupidity", 11/22]. After two valiant, but futile, attempts over several years, Rocky Mount's city council finally voted to abandon the statue project and use the money they'd set aside for other pressing items. Finally recognizing that some people will never be satisfied, Councilman Lamont Wiggins, explained the council's decision, this way:

"Whatever we do is going to continue to be vilified. Other than trying to build a consensus that won't be realized, I suggest we spend our money on more pressing issues facing the city." (AP)

Welcome to the wonderful world of Ethnocrat whining, dude.

Seasonally Bonkers in Florida
Source: St. Petersburg Times [11/29]

Determined to avoid the thrill ride they took last year, when the usual suspects went bonkers over holiday displays on certain public venues, Pasco County hacks issued three pages of rules that cover every possible contingency. For those who obsess on such things, here are the relevant Cliff Notes:

'...people may install displays "of whatever nature" to coincide with the winter holiday season on the courthouse lawn, in front of the government center and libraries and in areas of county parks that are considered traditional public forums. The county won't regulate the displays' content unless questions of obscenity, defamation or similar legal issues are raised. People erecting the displays must notify the county in advance, follow the installation guidelines and include the disclaimer "Display created, erected and sponsored by private citizens. Not endorsed or sponsored by Pasco County."...' (Times)

It appears that Pasco County officials have everything covered, but don't bet the proverbial agriculture endeavor on it. The ACLU will find some reason to whine, because whining is what they do best.

Assorted News Nuggets
Source: PIG News Wire [11/27]

Highlands Ranch (Colorado)
Teenage drivers are, statistically speaking, a hazard to roadway navigation, but this threat is amplified dramatically when you add technology to the mix. In this instance, a 17 year old driver got so absorbed by his text messaging that he lost control of his ride then slammed into - and killed - a bicyclist named Jim Price.

The proper authorities deduced that the teenage, cellidiot driver was too busy text messaging on his cell to watch were he was going. Somebody needs to tell me, again, why operating a cell phone while driving is a nifty notion.

Phoenix (Arizona)
Attacks on Uncle Sam's Border Patrol agents along the Arizona-Mexico border are up, way up, over the same period last year. Between October 1, 2004 and September 30, 2005 agents patrolling the Yuma and Tucson sectors were assaulted 365 times, nearly twice the 179 assaults from the previous year. Making this doubly thrilling, is a dramatic increase in gunfire aimed at our men and women on the border jumping scumbag invasion front lines. There were 45 gunfire incidents along this dangerous stretch of our border, up from 15 in the previous year. The gunfire danger is real enough that the Yuma sector just deployed its first bullet-resistant vehicle.

Crawford (Mexas)
The good news for peace wench Cindy Sheehan is that her book signing drew a respectable crowd of reporters. The bad news is that these reporters - and the photographers with them - recorded images of a lonely Cindy sitting in an essentially empty tent. Apparently, her tome, "Not One More Mother's Child", isn't sufficiently compelling to bring out those "give peace a chance" readers in large numbers.

According to one report, the large tent did, eventually, bring in a few diehard fans who wanted a signed copy of Cindy's tome. Later in the day, a gala peace rally in the same tent, drew a pathetic 100 Cindy venerating jellyfish. Stick a fork in yourself peace wench because your 15 minutes are up and you are...done.

Augusta (Maine)
A Down East lingerie store named Spellbound lived up to its name when it Emerilized its front window display by replacing the mannequins with thrillingly real hotties. Undoubtedly a hit with every red-blooded real dude in Augusta (Maine), this public display of pulchritude hasn't thrilled everyone spitless:

"It's tainting the wholesome businesses down here. I think it's selfish, and I think it's morally reprehensible." (Carrie Rossignol, co-owner of Video Game Exchange as quoted by the Keenebec Journal)

Many store owners applaud the new live model display, since the publicity it generated will bring more shoppers to the downtown shopping district. Among the earliest visitors were the relevant justice system authorities who deemed the display "no harm, no foul" since it doesn't violate any city, county or state laws.

Newsworthy Quotes
Source: PIG News Wire [11/23]

Chris Matthews, career blowhard

"The period between 9-11 and (invading) Iraq was not a good time for America. There wasn't a robust discussion of what we were doing. If we stop trying to figure out the other side, we've given up. The person on the other side is not evil. They just have a different perspective. The smartest people understand the enemy's point of view, because they understand what's driving them." (Chris Matthews as quoted by the Toronto Sun. Emphasis added)

Lyn Nofziger, top Ronald Reagan aide

On Reagan: "Our problem is we are trying to make a saint out of a man who certainly wasn't perfect. But he was a unique president. He believed in three things: God, the American people and himself. And that's kind of unique."

On today's Republicans: "They've been in power too long. Any time you put any political party in power for too long, it becomes corrupt. It loses its focus. It forgets why it came there."

On conservatism: "'Conservative' is a word that doesn't mean anything. It can mean what you want it to mean. To me, conservative means believing in a minimum amount of government and a maximum amount of freedom -- and keeping government out of people's lives and business -- and leaving people alone. I recognize you have to have national defense and have to finance the government. But government does not have to be the be-all and end-all."

On spreading democracy: "I'm not a great believer in spreading democracy, because I don't think you can spread democracy. People have to want it themselves." (Washington Times)

Southern-Fried Statue Stupidity
Source: AP [11/22]

It all looked so easy, on paper. The good citizens of Rocky Mount, (North Carolina) wanted to commemorate the fact that, on November 27, 1962, Martin Luther King delivered an initial version of this famous "I have a dream" prose in their city. So far, so good, but there were a few unseen bumps in the road awaiting them.

After discussing various notions, the city's denizens decided to build a park that included a sculpture honoring MLK. How hard could it be to get this done? It started smothly enough, when in 2001, the city council hired a Windy City based artist - Erik Blome - to create a 9-foot sculpture of MKL. The stage was now set for unrelenting angst:

'...The $55,800 sculpture was set to be dedicated in 2003, but the event was canceled. The pose - arms folded, legs apart - seemed arrogant, some said. Others complained that the face, gazing into the distance, resembled King only vaguely...'

'..."He looked like a white man painted black. He did!" said Helen B. Gay, a former city council member who served when the statue was approved...'. (AP)

The stunned artist defended his vision by pointing out that he based the sculpture on a 1962 photo of Dr. King. Furthermore, he asked why nobody kicked up a fuss about his rendition when he displayed a model at the city's Children's Museum and had pictures of it published in the town's fishwrap.

Mr. Blome's protests didn't cut any ice, so he was dumped and another artist, Steven Whyte, was hired to git 'er done. His clay model went on display in October in a much more prominent locale, for all the good it did him. His handiwork got the same bad reviews. At press time, the pedestal in the new park remains empty and there's no solution in sight. File this epic under "it seemed like a good idea at the time".

Final Fun Fact
Many of the "that's not our MLK" whiners are more than a tad put out that both of the artists employed are - gasp - white. Is this a racist plot to defame Dr. King? Not a chance, artistically-inclined Sparky, but don't waste your breath trying to get a rousing "amen" from Rocky Mount's resident Ethnocrat whiners.

Judge Orders An Oil And Gas Lease Refund
Source: AP [11/19]

Uncle Sam was quick on the trigger when, decades ago, he sold 13 oil and gas companies some petroleum rich leases off the Southern Mexifornia shores. Once he had the money, Uncle Sam, repeatedly, stalled production on the 36 leases, then changed the game completely, when, in 1990, congress gave the states a virtual veto power over off shore oil and gas production in federally controlled waters. This week, a federal judge from the U.S. Court of Federal Claims, Judge Eric G. Burbank, black flagged the feds' bait and switch tactics, ordering Uncle Sam to refund $1,100,000,000 that he took from oil companies for leases that are, under current restrictions, utterly worthless.

'...In a 42-page opinion, Judge Eric G. Burbank ruled that the congressional act in 1990 that gave states more authority to review oil drilling in federal waters off their shores breaches a contract with oil companies by changing the rules...' (AP)

The companies should be reimbursed the money that they paid decades ago for the 36 leases, because Uncle Sam took their lease payments but never delivered the goods.

Don't hold your breath waiting for Amerika's Socialist pinheads to stand up and salute this ruling, because it's never gonna happen. For example: a capitalism-hating, Mexifornia Coastal Commission cretin named Peter Douglas called this ruling "another giveaway to the oil companies". Pull your head out of your butt, Peter. If you paid, in advance, for a lease on a house then the owner never let you move into it, would a court-mandated refund be "another giveaway to property renters"?

PIG News salutes Judge Burbank, again - he's our Hero of The Week - for daring to swim against the "big oil sucks" tide to do the right thing. Judge Burbank seems to be the only rational adult left in D.C., because he gets it about this bait and switch oil lease scam: If Uncle Sam won't let the oil companies work their offshore leases, then he's gotta give them back their money. That's not a giveaway; its a refund.

Pennsylvania Hacks Repeal Stealth Pay Hike
Source: Sacramento Bee [11/16]

"The pay raise violated the constitution at least five different ways and everybody knows it. It was a slap in the face of voters and taxpayers." (Timothy Potts, co-founder of watchdog group Democracy Rising Pa.)

The fun started in July when, without telling those pesky taxpayers, Pennsylvania Legicrats gave themselves, plus various state officials, a stealth pay raise that ranged from 16% to 54%. Making these antics big time fun is the fact that this vote was taken during a secret 2 a.m. session, while all the state's rational adults were asleep. Using a smoke and mirrors scheme called "unvouchered expenses" the legicrats managed to circumvent a clause in the state constitution and started collecting their newly inflated income, immediately.

If you think that the ensuing, unrelenting, pounding they took from commentators, fishwraps and angry taxpayers eventually made these greedy hacks pull the plug on their ill-gotten gains, guess again. The turning point came during a recent election when voters 'demonstrated their anger over the raises by ousting supreme Court Justice Russell M. Nigro', making him the first statewide judge to be dumped in 36 years. Unwilling to tempt fate...afraid that they would follow Justice Nigro into political oblivion, the greedy bastards beat a hasty retreat by dumping their pay raises.

PIG News thinks this blatant CYA ploy is too little and much too late. That's why we're pleased to report that some of Pennsylvania's voters are taking the necessary steps to dump these clowns at their earliest convenience. At press time, a group named 'PACleanSweep' is busy recruiting candidates to run against these pay raise punks. The raise is repealed, but the fight continues. So be it.

Spring Break Justice
Source: AP [11/14]

"My primary rule is if I have to sit up there all day, by God, they have an obligation to entertain me."
Municipal Judge David Colwell, South Padre Island (Mexas)

Seated in front of a large, seascape mural, sneaker-wearing Judge David Colwell isn't your garden variety purveyor of justice. The following examples from his new book tell you all you'll want to know about Judge Colwell and his adventures with the spring breakers who invade his domain every year:

Case:
A dude tossed a beer can from a pickup truck and hit a cop car.
Colwell:
"I informed him that this is Texas. You are supposed to throw the beer cans from the cab into the back of the pickup, which has been well known for years as a traveling wastebasket."

Case:
A New York student who admitted that he flashed his nads and wanted to know what his punishment would be.
Colwell:
"Instead of explaining again that in the United States you are innocent until proven guilty, I said, 'This is Texas. We don't allow men to go around exposing themselves to young ladies. We have a tree out back, and we're going to hang you.' The defendant turned pale. Being from N.Y., with tales of the Old West in his head, he actually believed me."

If, like the PIG staff, you like Judge Colwell's style, his self-published book is called: 'Spring Break: A Judge's View From the Bench'. As far as we know, you need to travel to South Padre Island to get a copy.

Wiccan Whining
Source: Connecticut Post [11/13]

A Constitution State Wiccan wench has her broom in an uproar because - according to her - the dastardly capitalists running U.S. Surgical Corporation fired her from her graphics artist 'day' job after she requested unpaid days off to venerate certain Wiccan holidays. Wiccan holidays? You better believe it slack-jawed Sparky. FYI: red-letter days on the Wiccan calendar include the Celtic New Year, Samhain, which mere mortals and rational adults call Halloween.

Citing religious discrimination, Alicia Folberth - unemployed graphics artist by day, Wiccan high priestess by night - whined so pitifully to the state's Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities that they agreed to "review" her complaint. While she's awaiting her day of retribution against her former employer, Alicia is trying to open another front in her quest for Wiccan "justice" by persuading the state's Legicrats to pass a law mandating unpaid days off for religious holidays.

It would be nice to think that Connecticut's Human Rights cabal employed at least one rational adult who would remind Alicia, and all the other whiners, that a capitalist has the right to decide who deserves a job and who needs to be dumped like a bad habit. Since that's not likely to happen, we'll simply respond to Alicia's whining with our all purpose response: Bite me, Wiccan wench.

Newsworthy Quotes
Source: PIG News Wire [11/08]

Who: Anti-Defamation League National Director, Abraham Foxman

What: Has "issues" with "The Bible in History and Literature" course offered by the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools.

Money Quote:
"This wholly inappropriate curriculum blatantly crosses the line by teaching fundamental Protestant doctrine. The text relies solely upon the King James Version of the Bible and hews to a fundamentalist reading, especially of New Testament passages. This is the primary flaw in the curriculum -- that it advocates the acceptance of one faith tradition's interpretation of the Bible over another." (News Max)

Who: Janeane Garofalo

What: The Vast Right-Wing Media Conspiracy.

Money Quotes:
"Right-wing politicians tend to be amoral and nihilistic."

"...[Ann Coulter is] a performance artist and comedian in the spirit of Andy Kaufman."

"The right-wing machine, for the last 40 years, has successfully cowed the media into thinking there's a liberal bias, which there isn't, and then WAY overcompensating the other way...right-wing ideas and right-wing cruelty is not the norm -- it isn't. That's why they have to steal elections, that's why they have to use the threat of terror, that's why they have to gay bash and manipulate your emotions." (Left Coast Report)

Shut up and sit down, Janeane.

Clowning Around Town
Source: St. Petersburg Times [11/07]

The plan seems simple enough, innocuous enough, that nobody could possibly object: To celebrate it's 25th anniversary, Hospice of Southwest Florida decided to salute Sarasota's storied history as the winter home of Ringling Bros. Circus by placing 70 clowns around town. Rendering this notion "no harm, no foul" is the fact that the clowns would be painted by local artists and sponsored by local businesses. In theory, it gives the town a signature image, like Chicago and its ubiquitous cows. Furthermore, it gives tourists something to yammer about while they pose for that "I'm the clown not wearing make-up" snapshot. Was everyone thrilled? Not exactly.

'...Controversy over the proposed figures swept Sarasota last month, with news of the plan drawing heated reaction from locals, both pro- and anti-clown. Amazed city commissioners fielded complaints from locals professing an ungodly fear of clowns. A television crew showed up at a Public Arts Committee meeting - dumbfounding its members - where a handful of artists begged the city to abandon what they described as an "ill-conceived" and "Disney-esque" plan...' (Times)

This clown-tro-versy hit a raw nerve with the retired circus folk and locals whose families stem from circus folk stock and took the hacks by surprise, but the city council approved it anyway. Undeterred by clown-phobic pinheads and whining "artists", the hospice vows it will proceed with its plan. The voice of reason, in this case, is a hospice minion who explained that 'hospice leaders briefly considered coulrophobes [clown-phobics], but concluded that almost everyone is hung up on something...' (Times). It's reassuring to discover that there's at least one rational adult in Sarasota.

The Great Northeastern Nitwit
Source: AP [11/06]

According to Attorney General William Sorrell the "Vermont" label is a big selling point for assorted food products. After pacing the floor at night, worrying that dastardly capitalists with little or no connection with the state will proclaim their product "Made In Vermont", Billy boy wrote up some new rules and regulations that control who gets to use the esteemed "Vermont" label. If the firm is located in the state and uses Vermont grown foodstuffs, they're "Made in Vermont" cool. Otherwise...it's hell to pay time.

One firm that strayed into the Attorney General's bull's-eye is Harrington's of Vermont. This 132-year old firm cures and smokes ham, bacon and turkey. The problem is that many of their hams come from out of state. The primary reason Harrington's imports ham is that Vermont only produces 1,500 pig a year and Harrington's needs at least 35,000 to 40,000 to meet their needs. "That's no excuse" thunders big bad Billy. "You're no longer allowed to use 'Made in Vermont'."

Attorney General Sorrell needs to extract his head from his butt and get over himself. Instead of punishing a firm that has provided a quality product and jobs for Vermont denizens for more than a century, he should be thanking them by dismantling the bureaucratic bovine excrement that gets in Harrington's way. If you look up "The Great Northeastern Nitwit" in your on-line encyclopedia, you'll probably find William Sorrell's mug shot.

Election Ploy?
Source: Washington Times [11/05]

From our 'closing the barn door, afterwards', desk we bring you the latest "there's an election coming" ploy perpetrated by our elected tormentors. The bad news is that the House just passed a new foreign aid bill that squanders $20.9 billion in dead presidents of your money on international parasites. The good news, such as it is, involves a provision in the bill that will 'cut off funding to countries that refuse to extradite anyone suspected of killing a U.S. law enforcement officer' (Times). When you read the fine print, you learn that this bill only involves those foreign aid greenbacks appropriated to the State Department, so the actual impact of this "Send the murdering bastard back, or else" is questionable at best.

For those who haven't skipped on to the next PIG News item, here is the relevant quote:

"The U.S. should not be forced to plea bargain with other countries, nor should full justice be denied family members of assassinated cops. This appropriations bill will help us put an end to rewarding foreign-aid nations that provide safe haven to cop killers." ( Rep. Bob Beauprez)

Symbolic or not, this bill seems like a good, first step on the long road to dragging the murdering bastards out of their safe, international havens so they can face Amerikan justice.

Exposing Firms That Hire Border Jumping Scumbags
Source: PIG News Wire [11/05]

"I am not acting as judge and jury. I am providing a forum for people who are not getting their grievances addressed by the federal government." (WeHireAliens creator, Jason Mrochek)

Up to here with the free pass Uncle Sam gives firms that hire border jumping scumbags, a Riverside (Mexifornia) dude named Jason Mrochek decided to expose these scumbags by listing their names and contact information on an Internet site: WeHireAliens. People from around the country send him tips about companies that have border jumping scumbags on the payroll, after which Jason sorts through them and posts those he deems credible. In addition to the company's name, he posts addresses, phone numbers, corporate logos and, in some cases, photographs.

Those shysters in PIG's readership - and we know you're out there - will be bummed to learn that Jason posts the following disclaimer:

'..."We cannot independently verify every piece of information provided us, and are not responsible for doing so," it reads, adding that companies listed are only listed as "alleged" violators."...' (San Diego Union-Tribune)

PIG salutes Jason for doing what he can to expose the rat bastards who, knowingly, hire these border jumping scumbags.

House Passes Property Rights Bill
Source: AP [11/04]

By a whopping 378-38 margin, the U.S. House of Representatives fired a warning shot across the bow of every land stealing bureaucrat from sea to shining sea. A direct response to the furor over the Supreme Court's Eminent Domain ruling, this bill hits your local land stealing hack where he lives: in the pocketbook.

'...The bill would withhold for two years all federal economic development funds from states and localities that use economic development as a rationale for property seizures. It also would bar the federal government from using eminent domain powers for economic development...' (AP)

Next, the bill moves on to the Senate, where Senator John Cornyn has already introduced a similar bill. Will the Senate follow the House's lead? It's hard to tell, but given the amount of support from both political clans, its chances are better than 50-50. When we hear something on this issue, we'll pass it along.

Taxing "Big" Oil
Source: Washington Times [11/03]

"In light of record profits and rising energy costs, it seems only logical for the companies to practice good corporate citizenship by helping low-income families and seniors." (Senator Charles E. Grassley, Elephant Clan)

"It has become perfectly clear that the big oil companies are cashing in while American families are being left to choose between food on their table and gas to drive their car or oil to heat their homes." (Senator Charles E. Schumer, Elephant Clan)

The minute the oil companies started reporting their increased profits, our elected tormentors starting plotting ways to steal it for their favorite pork barrel projects. The fact that, in the United States of America, an elected official spews drivel about a company - or an individual for that matter - making "too much" money is a sure sign that we're mired in Socialist scumbag sludge. In a country founded on each individual's inalienable individual liberty, stealing - through the government's monopoly on the use of force - from the oil companies to buy allegiance from your voters through another government handout is the very antithesis of the liberty we venerate. How pissed would the father of our Constitution, James Madison, be over the U.S. Senate's power grab? Very, and that's a no shit fact.

The chest beating blowhards on Capitol Hill are undaunted by data that puts the average, per-gallon of gas, oil company profit at a whopping $0.10. They're equally unwilling to confront the fact that the government - through a variety of taxes - steals, on average, a staggering $0.45 per gallon. Blissfully ignorant of economic reality, these money grubbing Legicrats put two "pillage the oil companies" notions in play:

'...Mr. Grassley's proposal, outlined in letters to three oil and gas industry associations on Tuesday, asks energy companies to contribute 10 percent of their profits to fuel funds operated by states and utility companies that supplement the federal heating assistance program...'

'...Sen. Susan Collins, Maine Republican, is co-authoring an amendment to the budget reconciliation bill to pay for $3 billion in federal heating assistance this winter with a tax on oil company profits. Also sponsoring the measure are Sen. Charles E. Schumer, New York Democrat, and Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, Massachusetts Democrat...' (Times)

Curiously - and this will shock you - no elected tormentor, at any level of government, has suggested rolling back any of that $0.45 cents in taxes the Nanny State piles on each gallon of gas. Instead, they dream up ways to steal the $0.10 a gallon the oil companies earn on their investment. And what, you ask, are these greedy capitalists doing with their windfall profits? Among other things, they're:

Paying down their debt.
Paying dividends to stockholders.
Paying for the $35,000,000,000 in losses they incurred in hurricane damage.
Investing in new oil projects.
Investing in new environmental controls.

Senator Grassley - expert on capitalism that he imagines himself to be - thinks these oil companies must invest their windfall into more exploration, more production, and more refining capacity. Predictably, Senator Grassley doesn't bring up the fact that even if the company discovers a new oil field, chances are that Grassley himself, egged on by the Greenie Weenies, won't let them tap into it. Senator Grassley also refrains from bringing up the roadblocks that the government puts in the way of any new refinery. Those facts are just too inconvenient for the good Senator. Instead, he channels Karl Marx and proposes legicrap that's straight out of the Marxist playbook: "From each according to his ability. To each according to this need."

Abercrombie & Fitch: Back in the Bull's-Eye
Source: Pig News Wire [11/02]

Abercrombie & Fitch is thrilling people spitless, again, with their blatantly inkorrect wares. This time out, the goodie that has - quite literally - wenchlet panties in a wad is a t-shirt that bears the following sweater puppy venerating prose: "Who needs a brain when you have these?" As fun filled as this goodie is, it failed to thrill certain Keystone State wenchlets spitless. The womyn belonging to The Allegheny County Girls responded to this latest A&F outrage by calling for a "girlcott" against the eagerly inkorrect retailer.

"We're telling [girls] to think about the fact that they're being degraded. We're all going to come together in this one effort to fight this message that we're getting from pop culture." (Emma Blackman-Mathis, the 16-year-old co-chair of the group, as quoted by the RedEye Internet Site)

The young ladies have every right to hold A&F accountable, but they need to know that these inkorrect capitalists are laughing all the way to the bank over this free publicity. Life is so unfair that way.

Spud Icon Sullied by Korrectness
Source: PIG News Wire [11/02]

"One of America's favorite toys is speaking up about his innate nutritious side by becoming Healthy Mr. Potato Head. We're thrilled to have such a terrific tuber encouraging Americans to stay active and eat nutritiously." (United States Potato Board chairman, Ray Meiggs.)

While he wasn't paying attention, Mr. Potato Head got mugged by Korrectness, thanks to the pinheads on the United States Potato Board. Determined to protect spuds from a frontal, Obesity Nazi assault, these potato promoters subjected that venerable spud icon, Mr. Potato Head, to an extreme makeover...An extreme Korrectnik makeover.

Henceforth a sleeker, buffed up Mr. Potato Head will don athletic shoes, a baseball cap, a portable MP3 player and hold a water bottle in his pumped up arms. That's why the U.S. Potato Board pipsqueaks call this new incarnation "Healthy Mr. Potato Head". After he makes his gala debut at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in the Big Apple, this buffed up spud will venture forth to spout his new Korrectnik mantra at government cess-schools from sea to shining sea.

How dare these spud hucksters sully a venerable Amerikan icon like Mr. Potato Head? Is nothing sacred in these Korrectnik plagued times? What's next, having Barbie "come out" and proclaim her undying love for a flannel-shirt wearing wench who looks suspiciously like Rosie O'Donnell?

A Tennessee Court of Appeals just bitch-slapped the state's Tax Nazis when it ruled that water isn't a "soft drink" or a "beverage". This ruling shot down a Tax Nazi scheme that slapped a 1.9% gross receipts tax on bottled water produced in the state. We know what you're thinking, but in this case, it's not the legislature's fault. State legicrats shot down an attempt to impose a tax on bottled water, so the state's attorney general circumvented this Tax Nazi speed bump by declaring bottled water "a soft drink" for tax purposes. As a "soft drink" it came under a 1937 vintage law that regulates soft drinks. Big, big fun.

A lower court ruled with the state, spouting legalese about the soft drink law applying to "any and all nonalcoholic beverages". The Court of Appeals sought the relevant "beverage" facts by looking up the word in two dozen dictionaries:

'..."Of 23 sources listed by the department, 13 indicate that water either is not or may not be included in the plain meaning of the term 'beverage,' " Appeals Judge Sharon Lee wrote...'

'..."Whether water is contained in a bottle or a lake bears no relation to whether the water so contained is in its natural form," Lee wrote. If bottled water had been a known commodity in 1937 when the law was written "as a naturally occurring substance and identified by that naturalness as marketed, it would not have been the legislature's intent to subject it to taxation," Lee concluded...' (Tennessean)

Water, although not a beverage - for now - is still all wet, and so are these Tennessee Tax Nazis who seem destined to run this fetid notion up the State Supreme Court's flagpole. When a decision is rendered, PIG News will give you all the newsworthy details.

Tax Nazi Arm Twisting
Source: AP [10/24]

The Empire State's attorney general, Eliot Spitzer, is feeling smug today, after he coerced another shipping carrier into an agreement that forces the company to stop delivering cigarettes to sovereign individuals who reside in the United States. The driving force behind these heavy handed Nanny State antics are those exorbitant taxes on smokes that greedy Tax Nazi bastards like Spitzer can't live without. Since he can't force Internet firms and various Siberian-American tribes to stop selling untaxed smokes, this goose-stepping piece of liberty-hating crap does the next best thing and makes it impossible to get the smokes to the individuals who want to buy them.

By coercing UPS into "volunteering" to cease and desist, this Tax Nazi son-of-a-bitch has virtually all the shipping carriers cowed...Well there is one that he can't use the state's monopoly on the use of force to intimidate into 'doing the civic thing': The United States Postal Service. It would take an act of Congress to change the prevailing Postal Service rules that thwart this New York scumbag's grand scheme:

"...The Postal Service can't stop delivery even if it suspects a package clearly marked as coming from a retailer contains untaxed cigarettes". There could be souvenirs in the package. We don't know because we can't see inside the package." (Postal Service spokesdweeb Gerry McKeirnan as quoted by AP)

Scumbag Spitzer might be gloating now, but will he still be feeling slappably smug when the other "unintended consequences" shoe drops? Will his smirk fade when smuggling smokes becomes the next big thing among the differently law abiding? Cigarette smuggling is, thanks to this greedy Nanny State bastard, a growth industry.

We Hear
Source: PIG News Wire [10/23]

Larry Flynt Is Mad At Hillary
According to our top secret news sources, 'Hustler' publisher Larry Flynt is more than a tad peeved at Comrade Hillary. After all the work he did to vilify the Elephant Clan during Bubba's tenure in the Oval Office, Larry decided to donate $1,000 to Comrade Hillary's campaign coffers. Within a month she sent it back, ungrateful wench that she is. More than a little annoyed, Larry is making noises about dumping the Donkey Clan like a bad habit. If he can't find a suitable third party, he has even - gasp - made noises about supporting "some Republicans".

Sad story, Larry...Comrade Hillary isn't the skin magazine afficionado that her hubby was...and still is. Life is so unfair that way.

The Gulag (our clever name for San Francisco) Isn't Family Friendly
According to our news sleuths, Gulag officials are in a tizzy because nearly half of the families with preschool age tykes are planning to leave the city within the next three years. The reasons cited by these "I'm so out of here" parents include: housing is too damn expensive; the city's schools suck; the city isn't a safe place to raise a family. Apparently the city's highly touted liberal Eden credentials weren't enough to override the city's aforementioned fatal flaws. Give the citizens diversity in spades, tons of tolerance plus all the Korrectnik frills that go with it and these ingrates still aren't satisfied. Life is so unfair that way.

Doll Adoptions Thrill Pinheads Spitless
Source: PIG News Wire [10/22]

The capitalists who make and sell Lee Middleton Original Dolls have 'adoption advocate' panties in a hyper wad over the firm's "Newborn Nursery Adoption Centers" that are hosted by upscale retailers like FAO Schwartz and Saks. The primary whine accuses Middleton and their participating retailers of being "insidiously offensive, stigmatizing and demeaning" (Lakeland, Florida Ledger). According to the whiners, this unpardonable sin involves perpetrating a doll selling scheme that depreciates "the adoption process by turning an intensely profound experience into a superficial commercial enterprise" (Ledger). And what, you ask, are these dastardly capitalists doing that has these adoption advocates in a lather? As usual, we're all over it:

'...The Newborn Nursery Adoption Centers simulate hospital nurseries, complete with baby noises and a viewing window through which shoppers can see an array of dolls with different complexions, facial features and hair colors lying in cribs. Once a doll is selected, an employee dressed as a nurse helps the buyer complete adoption papers, conducts a health exam of the doll, and shows the buyer how to hold it properly. "At the end of the adoption, many new 'parents' can't wait to shop for accessories (including dresses, blankets, shoes and more) to make their new arrival the prettiest baby on the block!" says the Newborn Nursery Web site...' (Ledger)

For those PIGsters who love to wallow in advocate/activist angst - and we both know who you are - PIG News serves up these whimpers from this Ledger piece:

"[Adoptive parents and adoptees] are people for whom adoption is a profoundly important experience, and they don't want it trivialized." (Adam Pertman, Executive director of Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute)

"Adoption is an adult experience, and this is artificially dumbing it down for children. The idea that there are babies in cribs who can be selected - the adoption process doesn't work that way. ... It's the wrong emotional button to push." (Nancy Ashe, and editor for the Adoption.com and Adopting.org Internet sites.)

Of the three responses to these whines from the capitalist firms, PIG News dubs the response from FAO Schwartz's Nanette DiFalco as the pick of the litter: "People are entitled to their opinions. They can choose to buy or not." Call us names if you must but, when we read that out loud is sounds just like "Bite me."

Feeling The Heat
Source: Washington Times [10/19]

From our believe it or not desk, PIG News serves up a sterling example of political expediency. Painfully aware that his stubborn refusal to dump the Harriet Miers nomination has outraged the stalwart conservatives who protect his right flank, the President is making noises about getting tough on border jumping scumbags. PIG is, to say the least, skeptical about this Presidential border enforcement epiphany, but, for what it's worth, here are the relevant tidbits:

"We're going to get control of our borders. Our goal is clear -- to return every single illegal entrant, with no exceptions."

'...Mr. Bush said the government has to stop illegal entrance in the first place, needs to improve its ability to catch illegal aliens who have crossed, and must ensure that those who are caught are deported...' (Times)

Substantiating PIG's fears, the President signaled his genuine sentiments when he renewed his vow to spit in the face of Amerika's legal residents by giving an "all is forgiven" amnesty - he persists in calling it a "guest worker program" - to the border jumping scumbags in our midst. We'd like to believe that the President is finally "getting it", but his well-documented inability to change his mind makes this a very tough sell.

The Base Is Getting Restless
Source: Washington Times [10/18]

The Harriet Miers nomination continues to anger the staunch conservatives who gave George W. Bush his second term in the Oval Office. Unswayed by the presidential "trust me" that accompanied the Harriet Miers nomination to the Supreme Court and undeterred by the presidential prose that denounced conservative dissenters as sexist and elitist, conservative stalwarts from sea to shining sea are speaking out against the Miers nomination.

The Washington Times served up a few tidbits for your thoughtful consideration:

"We really just want to trust the president on this as we did on so many big issues in the past -- homeland security, Iraq. At the same time, there is a feeling of being let down, as if all the work conservatives have done in the last few years has been for naught." (Elephant Clan Congressman Scott Garrett, New Jersey)

"My conservatives at home are irked by [W's sexism accusation]. They say it's a lame argument the left always falls back on. It irks our base votes but doesn't convince them of her worthiness to be on the court. As a conservative activist in my district said yesterday, 'We wanted a fight, a rallying point, something to get excited about.' " (Elephant Clan Congressman Patrick McHenry, North Carolina)

"No grass-roots conservatives who I know or hear from and who are not on the White House payroll are supporting Miers. What I'm asking -- since this is hurting Republicans so much -- is: 'Why are Bush and his people doing this?' " (Conservative pollster Rick Shafton)

[Conservatives] "swallowed policies we might otherwise have objected to because we've believed that he and those around him are themselves conservatives trying to do the right thing against sometimes terrible odds. We've been there for him because we've considered ourselves part of his team. No more. From now on, this administration will find it difficult to muster support on the right without explaining why it should be forthcoming. The days of the blank check have ended."

'...[I'm especially troubled by] "the way the Administration has gone about trying to demonize conservatives who have raised questions about Miss Miers. The ad hominem attacks...will haunt the President regardless of how the nomination fight turns out." (David A. Keene, the American Conservative Union)

Given W's notorious inability to change his mind, not to mention his mule-headed stubborn streak, don't hold your breath waiting for him to pull the plug on the Miers nomination. Harriet Miers could be vaporized by a meteor and he'd still insist that she be confirmed.

Eminent Domain, Jersey Style
Source: News Max [10/17]

For the past 10 years, Union Township (New Jersey) denizen Carol Segal kept busy by acquiring the necessary land - a $1.5 million dollar investement - and winning local hack permission to build 100 townhouses on the six acres he now owned. He was thisclose to getting the deal done with Union Township officials, when they pulled a switch on him. Township officials demanded that, instead of using the nationally known developer, Centex Homes, he must use a local developer, AJM Development instead. When he refused, the Township committee voted to give Mr. Segal a royal, eminent domain shafting.

Although this epic sounds like the usual fun and games, this is Jersey, where noting is exactly as it seems:

'...Segal charges that last May 21, [AJM Development owners] Albert G. Mauti Jr. and his cousin Joseph hosted a fundraiser for Assemblyman Joseph Cryan at the Westmount Country Club in Passaic County. The two developers and family members picked up the $10,400 dinner tab, donated another $8,000 and raised more than $70,000 that night for Cryan, a powerful Union County Democrat, according to state election records. Three days later, the township officials -- all Democrats -- introduced their eminent domain land grab....' (News Max)

Union Township hacks insist that they didn't have a clue that Mr. Segal was involved with Centex Homes, but that doesn't pass the smell test since Centex submitted a proposal to the township committee on September 1. Proving that the fix is firmly in place, the township committee refused to let Mr. Segal's lawyer speak at a Sept. 13 meeting, before they voted to negotiate with politically-connected AJM Development, exclusively.

Although Mr. Segal has a ray of hope, given the temporary restraining order imposed by a Superior Court judge, he's probably doomed to bitter defeat, since, by all reports, Union Township's hacks don't sharpen a pencil, unless Joe Cryan gives them his okey dokey. Boss Cryan's allegiance was bought and paid for by AJM Development, so Carol Segal is royally screwed. If it wasn't corrupt to the core, it wouldn't be Jersey.

Mexas Sheriff Excoriates Uncle Sam
Source: Washington Times [10/14]

After 30 (+) years patrolling Zapata County in southern Mexas, Sheriff Sigifredo Gonzales is all too familiar with the unrelenting chaos caused by the ongoing border jumping scumbag invasion. He and his 24 deputies are hard pressed to keep his county safe in the face of border jumper smugglers and drug smugglers 'who have better weapons, vehicles, radios, computers, telephones, Global Positioning Systems and night vision equipment' (Times).

Unable to cope on his own and knowing too well that Uncle Sam isn't about to step up to the plate, Sheriff Gonzales sought support from 15 other Mexas sheriffs whose beat is on the Mexas-Mexico border by forming the Texas Border Sheriff's Coalition. That probably gives him a few more resources but it's not going to get the job done and he knows it. Understandably frustrated, Sheriff Gonzales let fly with this pointed prose:

"It's the federal government's responsibility to ensure border security, and I would think that after September 11, the government would be concerned about making sure these borders are secure. But I assure you, the border here is very, very porous. How can anyone honestly say we are doing our best to prevent another terrorist attack from happening?"

"We tried everything we know, with little success, to make the federal government aware of the problems we face and how they have affected us. The creation of the Department of Homeland Security has done nothing to help us."

"If smugglers can bring a hundred people or 2,000 pounds of marijuana into the United States, how simple would it be to bring terrorists into this country, or a suitcase loaded with a dirty bomb? I am very surprised it hasn't already happened."

"We need help, and the federal government has got to start listening to us." (Washington Times)

Sheriff Gonzales is fighting an uphill battle because the man at the top...the dude whose sworn duty includes protecting our borders...doesn't give a flaming damn about the fact that Amerika is being overrun by chronically-needy, disease ridden border jumping scumbag invaders. Vincente W. Bush doesn't give a crap about defending Amerika's borders and from where I'm sitting that's dereliction of duty. Maybe it's time to impeach this myopic, Oval Office son-of-a-bitch and replace him with somebody who understands that he's the President of the United States, not Mexico.

What's In A Name?
Source: Houston Chronicle [10/14]

On November 8, the denizens of White Settlement (Mexas) will stumble into the voting booth and decide whether they should change their name to something that won't give some hyper-Korrect dipstick a boo-boo. We know what you're thinking Sparky and you're wrong. The town didn't get its moniker because it was populated by a bunch of racists in white sheets. It was founded in the 1830s by white settlers who set up housekeeping in an area that was surrounded by Siberian Americans. A decade later everyone was referring to it as "the White Settlement". So there.

The fly in White Settlement's ointment is the fun fact the businesses whose taxes keep the city solvent are moving out. Home Depot is already gone and two more - Wal Mart and Sam's Club - will move out next year. Since nobody blamed this exodus on the town's name, PIG News suspects that the problem lies elsewhere. Either the city tax collector is a bit too enthusiastic about his job, prompting these capitalists to leave, or the town fails to provide enough consumers to keep these stores viable. Instead of changing their town's name, White Settlement's denizens should do something meaningful to make the town capitalist friendly. You heard it here, first.

Ending The Offshore Oil Drilling Blockade
Source: PIG News Wire [10/08]

An Elephant Clan congressman, House Resources Chairman Richard Pombo, feels your gas pump sticker shock pain so he authored legicrap that would, if enacted, breakup the decades old (circa 1982) off shore oil drilling moratorium/blockade. Its primary tenet would take the offshore oil drilling decision out of Congress's hands and return it to the control of each state that has untapped offshore oil reserves within 125 miles from its pristine shores. For those who obsess on such things - and we both know who you are - here are the Cliff Notes on this legicrap as spewed by the San Francisco Chronicle:

● Eliminate the federal moratorium on offshore drilling -- approved each year by Congress and backed by the last three presidents -- which has banned drilling in federal waters off the coasts of California, Florida and a dozen other states since 1982.

● Allow governors and state legislatures to petition the interior secretary to approve or reject drilling within 125 miles of their shoreline. The interior secretary would not need state approval to allow drilling beyond 125 miles off the coast.

● Pay coastal states half of all royalties from oil and gas leases in areas off their shores as an incentive to drill.

● Require states to renew the moratorium on drilling off their coasts every five years, and limit any future presidential moratorium to 10 years.

As congressional notions go, this seems to be a winner, because it already has environmentalist pinheads screaming like stuck pigs:

"What you basically see is a divide-and-conquer strategy. It has been a bipartisan, multistate, bicoastal agreement for 25 years among members of the House and Senate, who have perpetuated the agreement year after year. All of a sudden, that is being blown asunder." (Richard Charter, co-chairman of the National Outer Continental Shelf Coalition, as quoted by the San Francisco Chronicle)

Divide and conquer is such an ugly turn of phrase. Here at PIG News we prefer to deem Congressman Pombo's plan "a restoration of a state's sovereignty over its offshore oil reserves". If you're living in flyover country, you're not necessarily left out of the fun, because this bill also "includes incentives for oil shale development in Western States" (Chronicle). Big, big fun.

At press time the bill escaped the House Resources Committee by a 27-16 vote and is destined to be added as an amendment to a forthcoming spending bill. If anything newsworthy happens on this matter, PIG News will bring you all the juicy tidbits.

Surrender Monkey Angst
Source: AFP [10/06]

The capitalists running Subway's sandwich-wrangling stores put Surrender Monkey knickers in a knot with a thrilling ad campaign that starred a chicken dressed like Napoleon. Affixed to this image was this stop the presses prose: "France and chicken, somehow it just goes together." Very funny stuff, but don't hold your breath waiting for any Surrender Monkey chuckles.

Last month, after the ads ran in 10 states, Subway pulled them, when Amerika-dwelling Surrender Monkey cretins kicked up a deafening fuss. Subway insists it felt the expatriate Surrender Monkey pain and did the honorable thing. PIG thinks the ads had run their course and were destined to be replaced anyway so Subway executives decided to get some good PR by "agreeing" to pull them.

Another Renegade SUV
Source: Houston Chronicle [10/05]

The headline in this Mexas fishwrap screams: "Boy Walking To School With Mom Killed By SUV". The news item continues this renegade SUV lunacy by telling the tragic tale of this youngsters untimely demise without ever mentioning the salient fact that this oversized conveyance had a human driving the damn thing. No matter how much you detest these plus-size rides, they don't do a damn thing without an alleged human at the wheel.

This SUV kills crap gets on this pagan scribbler's last raw nerve because it's utterly asinine. PIG News, quite rightly, takes its slings and arrows from certain readers, but we aren't delusional enough to write anything as ludicrous as "SUV Kills".

Crafty Criminals
Source: PIG News Wire [10/03]

According to a Portland (Oregon) boob tube newscast, two Keizer (Oregon) desperados hit upon a nifty scheme to divert then men in blue whenever they perpetrated another caper. The scheme centered on the city's 911 system and involved one accomplice diverting police to the wrong side of town with a 20 minute long phone calls about a health-related emergency in a city park. While the cops rushed resources to the scene, other members of the gang would take care of their prime, breaking and entering business. When the cops were sufficiently diverted, the caller would simply hang up. Bold new concept.

The scheme careened off the rails when, during a caper, an off duty cop spotted the desperados breaking into a skateboard shop. Faster than you can say 'donut shop', the cop bagged the desperados bringing the crime spree to an ignoble end. Book 'em, Dano.

The Topeka Whiner
Source: AP [10/01]

Topeka mayor Bill Bunten got his political hack panties in a wad when he tripped over a certain Hallmark greeting card. For those who insist on such things, here are the Hallmark card outrage Cliff Notes:

'...The birthday card produced by Hallmark bears the title "CSI: Topeka" and features a cartoon of two people standing over a corpse, with one saying, "Looks like he was bored to death." Inside the card is the message, "Hope your birthday is anything but dull."...' (AP)

"I find it offensive. It's probably drawn up by somebody from West Virginia who hasn't been here." Billy boy whined to the Topeka fishwrap . "Develop a sense of humor", a Hallmark spokeswench advised, figuratively, if not literally:

'...Hallmark spokeswoman Kristi Ernsting said the author, whom she declined to identify, grew up in Kansas. The card refers to popular television dramas about forensics experts who investigate crimes, set in Las Vegas, Miami and New York. "We hope that the people of Topeka can take it in good humor," she said. "That's how it was intended."...' (AP)

Look up humor-challenged whiner in your Webster's and you'll probably find little Billy's mug shot.

Contrary to prevailing wisdom, Hurricane Katrina was not your plain vanilla, naturally occurring Mother Nature tantrum on steroids. According to the lunatic fringe from sea to shining sea, it was something much more sinister. On the off chance you missed all this fun, here are some alternative explanations for Katrina:

Al Qaida insists that Katrina is Allah's "divine wrath" punishing those damn Amerikan infidels.

Wingnut Emeritus, Louis Farrakhan, opines that Katrina is Allah punishing Amerika for its antics in Iraq.

Televangelist and all around fun guy, Pat Robertson, thinks that Katrina is Old Ka-Boom's way of pronouncing judgement on Amerika for allowing legalized abortions.

Certain Torah True Believer Rabbis link Katrina to Amerika's support for Israel's Gaza pullout.

As fun as those theories are, we're much more enthralled by theories posited by Alabama state Senator Hank Erwin:

"New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast have always been known for gambling, sin and wickedness. It is the kind of behavior that ultimately brings the judgment of God. Warnings year after year by godly evangelists and preachers went unheeded. So why were we surprised when finally the hand of judgment fell? Sadly, innocents suffered along with the guilty. Sin always brings suffering to good people as well as the bad."

"America has been moving away from God. We all need to embrace godliness and church-going and good, godly living, and we can get divine protection for that point. The Lord is sending appeals to us," said Erwin, a member of Shades Mountain Independent Church. "As harsh as it may sound, those hurricanes do say that God is real, and we have to realize sin has consequences." (The Birmingham News)

I know what you're thinking, Sparky, and, as usual you're wrong. As fun as Senator Erwin sounds, he fell a tad short when it came to 'most thrilling Katrina explanation'. That honor goes to a recently retired Pocatello (Idaho) television weatherman, and terminally fun guy. Eschewing the foregoing supernatural explanations, Scott Stevens took us to a whole new level with this 'things that go bump in the night' gem:

Our hero insists that Katrina was perpetrated by the Japanese Yakuza Mafia who 'used a Russian-made electromagnetic generator to cause Hurricane Katrina in a bid to avenge the atomic bomb attack on Hiroshima.' (Idaho State Journal)

"The Soviets boasted of their geoengineering capabilities; these impressive accomplishments must be taken at face value simply because we are observing weather events that simply have never occurred before, never! The evidence of these weapons at work found within the clouds overhead is simply unmistakable. These patterns and odd geometric shapes seen in our skies, each and every day, are clear and present evidence that our weather has been stolen from us, only to be used by those whose designs for humanity are rarely in alignment with that of the common man." (Idaho State Journal)

PIG congratulates all the contestants who entered the "Wingnut Explanations for Katrina" contest, and sends out a special salute to Scott Stevens who singlehandedly yanked this goodie from garden variety supernaturalism to cutting-edge Art Bell territory. We're tempted to declare him the winner, but we know our readers, so, if you have a theory that can top Scott's drop us a line so we can run it up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes. It's cards and letters time, PIGsters. Crayons ready? Begin!

Afterthoughts:
If you want to read Scott's theory first hand you can find it at his web site: www.weatherwars.info. Be there, or be square.

Weasel Watch
Source: L. A. Daily News [09/28]

Weasel Emeritus, Mexifornia's most loathsome congresspunk, Rep. David Dreier, continues to be a complete an utter scumbag who tries to dazzle everyone with his smoke and mirrors bovine excrement. Glib in the extreme, he says all the right sounding things when challenged on such hot button issues as cop killers who flee to Mexico where they're safe from extradition. It usually works, unfortunately, but, increasingly, rational adults are seeing through him and demanding meaningful action.

A suitable case in point is a Dreier bill that would, in theory, come down hard on cop killers who flee to Mexico. It all sounds nifty, until you get into those devilish details. For example, the original version of this bill had a giant loophole that made L.A. County District Attorney Steve Cooley and L.A. Police Protective League President Bob Baker go postal:

'...Cooley and Baker maintained that federal law allows for the possibility of lighter sentences and that the bill would have given U.S. prosecutors exclusive authority over murder cases in which local prosecutors have much more experience. They also argued that the bill ignores the estimated 3,000 fugitives believed to be hiding in Mexico to avoid prosecution for killing people other than law enforcement officers in the U.S...' (Daily News)

Dreier tweaked the bill to give state and local prosecutors a much stronger hand, but he blatantly side-stepped the primary stumbling block to dragging killers out of Mexico to face Amerikan justice:

'...Cooley and Baker both said they still weren't satisfied with the changes and that Congress needs to force the administration to impose sanctions against Mexico until the country changes its policy of refusing to extradite criminal suspects who could face the death penalty or life in prison without parole...'

'...In a printed statement, Cooley called the new version of the bill "more of the same," adding that it "capitulates to the Mexican government's penal theories."...' (Daily News)

Congresspunk David Dreier is living proof that bovine excrement still reeks, even when it's glib, photogenic and well dressed. He's scum and he needs to be dumped like a bad habit. This is not a drill.

Wooing Hispanic Voters
Source: News Max [09/22]

From the Oval Office denizen all the way down to your local city council punk, every political hack from sea to shining sea seems hell bent on wooing "Hispanic" voters. Many, like George W. Bush, try to ingratiate themselves with speeches in Spanish and/or Spanish language ads in Amerika's burgeoning Spanish lingo media. It sounds reasonable enough, but, as usual, there are those devilish details to consider.

The son of Central American immigrants, a Mexifornia pollster named Andre Pineda is up to speed on what makes Amerika's "immigrant community" tick. He explains that, despite a Hispanic governor, New Mexico, with its 40% Hispanic population, voted for George Bush last year. Citing this fact as exhibit 'A', Andre warns that trying to lure Hispanic voters in Spanish isn't necessarily an idea whose time has come.

For starters, Andre points out that many of New Mexico's Hispanics descend from ancestors who moved to the USA a century, or more ago.

'...[Andre] goes on to explain that] Only 18 percent of U.S. Latinos are voters. But of those voters, 72 percent were born in the U.S., only 9 percent come from Spanish-speaking households and two-thirds say they watch more English than Spanish TV...' (News Max)

Finally, he notes that Spanish lingo boob tube networks like Univision and Telemundo now show English language ads. Another Spanish network, 'Si! TV', broadcasts all its programs in English.

You gotta know that political hacks in general, and Donkey Clan hacks in particular, will ignore Andre's sage advice. Why? Because wooing votes in mangled Spanish is the Korrect thing to do.

Greyhound Black Flags Illegal Aliens
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [09/22]

Amerika's biggest intercity bus company, Greyhound, thrilled Colonistas spitless when somebody leaked a copy of Greyhound's "Transporting of Illegal Aliens" policy to the news nitwits. Among other things, this non-negotiable company policy promises to fire employees who sell tickets to border jumping scumbags. It also gives ticket agents some tips on spotting a border jumping scumbag smuggling operation:

'...[the company warns ticket agents to] beware of people in large groups, moving in single file and traveling with little or no luggage. It says other telltale signs include people "trying to hide or stay out of plain view" or large groups led by a "guide" who holds everyone's tickets. Greyhound also says immigrant smugglers give themselves away by calling bus stations to ask if immigration authorities are present, and by loitering, repeatedly buying large numbers of tickets for other people and using phrases like, "These guys just crossed the line,""my cargo," and "I've got to move my people."...' (Chronicle)

Greyhound's policy first registered on Colonista radar when it was featured in a Spanish lingo, City of Angels fishwrap named "La Opinion". A Colonista group also supplied a copy to AP. Big, big fun. As expected, this news didn't thrill the usual border jumping scumbag coddlers at MALDEF and La Raza, but they'll get over it, eventually, probably. If not they can go pound sand, because Greyhound is doing what's necessary to protect them from suffering Golden State Transportation Company's fate. That firm got nailed for illegal alien smuggling and went belly up as a result.

PIG gives kudos to Greyhound for sticking by their policy in the face of Colonista whining.

Taking Border Security Seriously
Source: PIG News Wire [09/21]

In a commendable show of 'bipartisanship' 23 Mexas congressmen - 19 Elephant Clan, 4 Donkey Clan - wrote a letter to President Bush, telling him they were 'declaring a state of emergency for the Texas-Mexico border because "illegal aliens many of which are 'other than Mexicans' (OTMs), are crossing our border by the hundreds on a daily basis"...'(AP). Although it's doubtful that the pig-headed occupant of the Oval Office will do anything about their letter - aside from banning each and every one of them from the White House - it's nice to know that, belatedly, some political hacks are starting to get the big picture on the border jumping scumbag invasion.

Defense Department's Racial Bean Counting
Source: News Max [09/20]

Clarence Johnson's official title tells you all you need to know about rampant Defense Department Korrectness: "principal director, Office of the Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Equal Opportunity". For those who need a smoking gun, consider these whines from his recent appearance at a luncheon and awards ceremony hosted by 'Latina Style' magazine:

"Hispanics are now just over 9 percent of all Americans in the active duty military force and 8.5 percent of all persons serving in the National Guard and Reserves Hispanics must be better represented in the leadership ranks, because we want role models for our youth and we want our military leadership to reflect the force they lead. Our efforts have not resulted in the success we want and expect. Hispanics comprise slightly more than 6 percent of the DoD civilian work force, in comparison to almost 11 percent of the national civilian work force. This is not acceptable."

This Korrectnik pinhead needs to pull his head out of his butt and wake the hell up, before his racial bean counting destroys our military readiness. I don't give a damn what racial pedigree a soldier has, as long as he, she, heshe, or it can majorly kick ass. If Clarence's priorities don't start and end with fielding the best fighting force - regardless of racial breakdown - then he needs to be shoved up against the nearest wall and shot!

Swimming Against The Political Tide
Source: Washington Times [09/19]

Believe it or not, there are a couple fiscal conservatives on Capitol Hill. One of these throwbacks is Indiana congressman Mick Pence. Unwilling to add Katrina recovery funds to Uncle Sam's ocean of red ink, Congressman Pence wants to pay for the Katrina recovery by taking a meat axe to certain budget bloating items.

For starters, the congressman wants to exterminate the 6,000 pork barrel projects that larded up the recently passed transportation bill [approximately $25 billion dollars saved from pork barrel oblivion]. Far from finished, he wants to delay - indefinitely - the mother of all Elephant Clan entitlements, W's prescription drug plan, putting at least $40 billion dollars more back into the budget. These two items alone would fund the $62.3 billion in relief passed by congress.

This pagan scribbler won't hold his breath waiting for congress to stand up and salute Congressman Pence's suggestions, but that doesn't mean we don't salute him for having the guts to suggest it.

Mexifornia Colonistas Getting Nervous
Source: Contra Costa Times [09/16]

Mexifornia Colonistas gathered this week to whine about next month's Minuteman Defense Corps deployment along Mexifornia's porous border with Mexico. Spewing the usual "those damn racists" drivel, Colonistas in San Jose and Oakland gathered for group whines about the injustice of Amerikan citizens demanding that our nations borders...our nation's laws...be respected.

For those who care, here are a few sample whines:

"We believe there's no place in our community for people who terrorize people because of their immigration status. We don't need and want vigilante groups to take the law into their hands." (Salvador Bustamente, regional vice president for the Service Employees International Union, Local 1877 as quoted by the Times)

"What we are advocating for is immigration reform that's comprehensive, sensible, legal, and safe. The issues of immigration can't be solved in an atmosphere in which there's nothing but racial profiling and xenophobic attitudes." (Rev. Jon Pedigo, a San Jose pastor as quoted by the Times)

"We're here to denounce the invasion of vigilantes on the border. The vigilantes are bringing terror and division to our communities." (Maria Jimenez, director Mujeres Unidad e y Activas as quoted by the Times)

This is more than a generic whine-a-thon. It's a campaign to make Santa Clara county the first municipal government in Mexifornia to officially diss the Minutemen. How? The Colonistas in San Jose want the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors to enact a resolution denouncing the Minutemen and 'supporting', the border jumping scumbags who are turning Mexifornia into a third world cesspool. Somebody needs to tell these Colonista asshats that the Amerikan citizens wouldn't need to take these drastic measures if the border jumping scumbags would stay on their side of the damn border.

Afterthoughts:
This pagan scribbler is "thisclose" to demanding that we militarize our nation's border and turn any scumbag who tries to invade our country into cannon fodder. Maybe that would persuade these invaders that the only way to enter Amerika safely is through the front goddamn door...Maybe, but don't bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor on it.

Romney: Wiretap the Mosques
Source: Boston Globe [09/16]

Already in the hunt for the 2008 presidential nomination, Massachusetts' governor, Mitt Romney is beavering away to polish his terrorism fighting credentials. His latest outing at the Heritage Foundation, produced these gems:

'..."How many individuals are coming to our state and going to those institutions who have come from terrorist-sponsored states?" he said, referring to foreign students who attend universities in Massachusetts. ''Do we know where they are? Are we tracking them? How about people who are in settings -- mosques, for instance -- that may be teaching doctrines of hate and terror. Are we monitoring that? Are we wiretapping? Are we following what's going on?"...'

'...''It is virtually impossible to have a homeland security system based upon the principles only of protecting key assets and response," he told an audience of about 100. ''The key to a multilayered strategy begins with effective prevention, and, for me, prevention begins with intelligence and counterterror activity."...' (Globe)

Ali Noorani, executive director of the Massachusetts Immigrants and Refugee Advocacy Coalition served up this boilerplate whine:

''Blanket eavesdropping and blanket profiling only erodes the safety and security of our country. People who really know what national security is and what intelligence is realize that we need to build trust between law enforcement and immigrant communities."

PIG News is delighted to share this show stopping prose from Elyes Yaich, president of the Islamic Society of Northeastern University:

''If they're going to do surveillance, why not do it for synagogues and churches, too?"

Elyes, dude, what are you smoking? When was the last time a Methodist, Lutheran or Baptist flew a plane into a building? When was the last time a Torah True Believer played chicken with a skyscraper? Wake up and smell the Islamikaze coffee.

You Want It Mowed...I'll Give You Mowed
Source: PIG New Wire [09/15]

After the city's Lawn Nazis warned him to mow his lawn, or else, an Omaha man gave them exactly what they requested, but not exactly the way they expected. Although he mowed the lawn, as ordered, he left a giant, 30 foot long message for all who cared to read it. What message? I'll give you a hint: the first word is the infamous "F" Bomb followed by a giant letter "U". That's right, PIGsters, the dude gave the Lawn Nazis, his neighbors, and anyone else who cares to look the written equivalent of the one-finger salute, by mowing this immortal two-word message into his yard.

Making this exercise in free speech especially thrilling is the nifty fact that his lawn imbedded message is, according to Omaha city officials, street legal:

'...City prosecutor Marty Conboy said little can be done legally about the yard. "There really is no criminal law that covers these kinds of vulgarities," Conboy said. Conboy said it would be different if the homeowner threatened city employees by saying the expletive, but on the lawn, it's a passive statement protected by the First Amendment. "As much as you might shake your head at what kind of reasoning is involved, it's not prohibited," Conboy said. "A person who wants to make a statement in public, that doesn't invoke a violent response, is protected by the constitution."...' (Omaha Channel)

File this epic under "be careful what you ask for" in your inalienable individual liberty in action archives. We know what you're thinking, copycat Sparky, and don't bet the farm that these antics are street legal in your town.

Union Hires Non-Union Picketers
Source: PIG News Wire [09/13]

Outraged by the dastardly capitalists who perpetrated a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market that doesn't allow their workers to unionize, the bright bulbs in the United Food and Commercial Workers Union (UFCW) decided to picket the Henderson (Nevada) store to shame these capitalists and chase off the stores union-supporting customers. Did the Union pay its own people to go out in that 104 degree heat? Not exactly.

The pickets making life thrilling for rational adults aren't even in the UFCW. In fact, the picketers are non-union temp workers from a Allied Forces/Labor Express who get a whopping $6.00 per hour with no benefits, for standing around in that scorching heat. Holy hypocrisy, Batman!

Red-Faced In Rhode Island
Source: AP [09/10]

The pathetically pious finger pointers who appointed themselves the protector of public morals in Rhode Island are painfully aware of a quirk in the Ocean State's laws that makes prostitution legal if, and only if, the transaction occurs indoors. That's right horndogs, although it's still illegal to advertise your wares on the local street corner, there's nothing to stop an enterprising capitalist from opening a horizontal bingo parlor.

'..."We don't have a law criminalizing prostitution indoors," said Providence Police Lt. Thomas Verdi, who leads the department's anti-prostitution efforts. Police and city officials have pushed for legislation to toughen anti-prostitution laws, although some say adding more laws to punish prostitutes is unnecessary...' (AP)

The usual legicrat suspects tried to change the law in the 2005 legislative session but it hit a speed bump because NO NADS wanted to nail the horndogs who exchange cash for a booty call. Don't celebrate too soon, booty call Sparky, because the Nanny State nitwits vow to pass a bill closing this indoor booty purveyor loophole in next year's legicrap session. Until then, do what you gotta do, sporty. It'll be our secret.

Another Katrina Myth Debunked
Source: Washington Post [09/08]

One oft-repeated canard in the frantic, post Katrina finger pointing frenzy charges that the Bush administration short changed Louisiana in general and New Orleans in particular when it came to Army Corps of Engineers civil works projects. Setting aside the mind boggling fact that the following tidbits came from the lefties at the Washington Post, here are some fun facts that seem to explode this canard:

'...over the five years of President Bush's administration, Louisiana has received far more money for Corps civil works projects than any other state, about $1.9 billion; California was a distant second with less than $1.4 billion, even though its population is more than seven times larger.

Much of that Louisiana money was spent to try to keep low-lying New Orleans dry. But hundreds of millions of dollars have gone to unrelated water projects demanded by the state's congressional delegation and approved by the Corps, often after economic analyses that turned out to be inaccurate. Despite a series of independent investigations criticizing Army Corps construction projects as wasteful pork-barrel spending, Louisiana's representatives have kept bringing home the bacon...'

'...overall, the Bush administration's funding requests for the key New Orleans flood-control projects for the past five years were slightly higher than the Clinton administration's for its past five years. Lt. Gen. Carl Strock, the chief of the Corps, has said that in any event, more money would not have prevented the drowning of the city, since its levees were only designed to protect against a Category 3 storm. Strock also has said the marsh restoration project would not have done much to diminish Katrina's storm surge, which passed east of the coastal wetlands...' (Post)

New Orleans finally got a long-overdue Mother Nature reality check for putting a city in the bottom of a hole next to the ocean. All the spending in the world won't change the fact that 9 feet below sea level New Orleans was - and still is - a deluge waiting to happen.

Korrectness On Steroids
Source: PIG News Wire [09/08]

Instead of deploying the firefighters who answered their call to help in the Katrina ravaged disaster area, FEMA has them cooling their heels in South Carolina. If you're smelling a government red tape nightmare, give yourself a cookie. Among other things, instead of helping out on the Gulf Coast, the firefighters are attending sensitivity training. This mind-numbing bovine excrement includes classes on sexual harassment, classes on the history of FEMA and training on "how to deal with ethnic groups". This is knee-jerk, Nanny State korrectness on a mind-boggling scale.

This epic demonstrates why the parasites who think that the Nanny State and its job for life bureaucrats are the ideal solution to any problem are tragically misguided. In reality, government red tape and inefficiency exacerbate the problems they attempt to resolve with a massive tax dollar infusion. FEMA, the Nanny State nitwits, and bureaucrats at every level of government need to get out of the way. They need to let the Amerikan people help out their friends and neighbors on the Gulf Coast.

This just in! FEMA is on the fast track to win PIG's Korrectnik of the Year sweepstakes.

Getting The Job Done
Source: PIG News Wire [09/03]

Jabbar Gibson did more than whine about getting the hell out of the disaster area. He did something about it. Up to here with the chaos that surrounded him - much of it in government circles at all levels, Jabbar decided to take matters into his own hands. He "borrowed" - some might call it "stealing", but we're not willing to go there - an unused school bus, and aimed it at Houston.

Picking up as many refugees as he could along the way, twenty-year old Jabbar drove to the Astrodome, continuing to pick up more people along the way until the bus was jam packed. During the 13 hour trek, he stopped three times for fuel, passing the hat among his passengers to finance it.

You're free to call Jabbar whatever thrills you spitless, but PIG thinks his actions were nothing short of heroic. If some firm wants an employee with a take charge attitude, a dude with the stones to do what needs to be done, his name is Jabbar Gibson and he's hanging out in Houston.

Digging Deep
Source: PIG News Wire [09/01]

Those dastardly, archenemies of progressiveness, capitalists who run Wal-Mart tapped their bank account for a hefty $15,000,000 to help Hurricane Katrina victims get their lives back together. This excerpt from a Wal-Mart press release gives you the big picture on the firm's largess:

"...As part of this commitment, Wal-Mart will establish mini-Wal-Mart stores in areas impacted by the hurricane. Items such as clothing, diapers, baby wipes, food, formula, toothbrushes, bedding and water will be given out free of charge to those with a demonstrated need.

Wal-Mart previously donated $2 million in cash to aid emergency relief efforts and has been collecting contributions at its 3,800 stores and CLUBS, and through its web sites...."

"Through its Associate Disaster Relief Fund, the company will also give displaced associates immediate funds for shelter, food, clothing and other necessities..."

Despite the NIMBY nitwits who don't want a Wal-Mart in their 'hood', Wal-Mart's Hurricane Katrina largess proves, conclusively, that they are the ultimate good neighbor. PIG kudos go out to Wal-Mart for its generosity.

Recipe for Disaster
Source: PIG News Wire [09/01]

Take one couple and grant them a divorce.

Add the fun fact that, after the divorce, they continue to live together in the family home.

Infuse the ex-wife with a generous dose of adult beverage, then put her behind the wheel of the family car.

If you followed the directions correctly, the result is the ex-wife convicted of turning her ex-hubby into road kill within spitting distance of the family abode.

Nailed for reckless homicide, plus assorted lesser charges, this road warrior wench is slated to be out of the graybar in 5 years. What's that you say? No way does she get off with a 5 year graybar wrist-slap? Maybe in a rational world, but this true life adventure took place in Kin-tucky. And now you know the rest of the story.

"I am convinced in my heart that the country has reached its tipping point on illegal immigration, fed up with the full-scale invasion now taking place, particularly on our southern border. This bill is a common-sense, stop-gap solution to our border security problem until the federal government has the manpower and the resources to fill the breach. I am going to use every legal and legislative tool at my disposal to see that this legislation is passed, and I will not rest until it is done." (Congressman John Culberson as quoted by the Washington Times)

Vicente W. Bush might not 'get it', but Mexas Congressman, John Culberson damn sure does. Demonstrating that meaningful border control has critical, political, mass, Congressman Culberson introduced legicrap that would establish a "corps of civilian volunteers" who would be trained and deployed to Amerika's egregiously porous borders. Congressman Culberson's bill would do the following:

'...[establish] the "Border Protection Corps" for states along the Mexican and Canadian borders, comprising civilians named by the governors to work as sworn law-enforcement officers, alongside state and local authorities and the U.S. Border Patrol...'

'...[fund the Border Protection Corps] through $6.8 billion in unspent Department of Homeland Security first-responder funds..'

'...prevent the government from releasing detained aliens back into the United States -- requiring them to be deported or prosecuted if found to be a "dangerous criminal, a terrorist or a potential terrorist."...'

Authorizes the Border Protection Corps volunteers to use "any means and any force authorized by state law to prevent individuals from unlawfully entering [the] United States"...' (Times)

The fine print in this proposal gives border state governors the final call on establishing a Border Protection Corps operation in their state. In order to 'get 'er done', each state governor must "call for volunteers to serve, after they have been properly equipped and trained to serve".

PIG News thinks Congressman Culberson's idea is a damn good one. If you agree, it's time to build a fire under your elected tormentor and tell him, her, himher or it to support the Border Protection Corps bill. Don't just sit there, Sparky...The time to act is right damn now!

Say It Isn't So
Source: AP [08/26]

Muncie (Indiana) adult beverage purveyors have a nasty surprise for Ball State University's brewskie lovers. Citing those boring, economic, excuses, many of the city's liquor stores decided to stop selling brewskies by the keg. Brewskie loving Ivory Tower inmates can still get them elsewhere, but that venerable college tradition, the kegger, is on life support at Ball State thanks to these Muncie capitalists.

'...Kegs are among the least profitable items a liquor store can sell, said [Muncie Liquor manager Chris] Johnson, who estimated the gross profit on a $49.99 keg at $4.99. From that profit margin comes other costs, including refrigeration and damage caused by the cumbersome containers...' (AP)

College without the legendary kegger is intolerable. Would you be willing to sit through all those Korrectnik Ivory Tower lectures without the an occasional kegger to fortify your resolve? Someone must step up to the plate and come to Ball State brewskie lovers' rescue, before it's too late. A venerable college tradition hangs in the balance.

Heroic Payback In Pennsylvania
Source: Human Events [08/22]

Outraged by the pay raise that Pennsylvania legicrats voted for themselves, secretly, in the dead of night, without any public notice or debate, the YCOP (Young Conservatives of Pennsylvania) decided to share the thrilling news with Pennsylvania taxpayers via a public service ad campaign. Although the ad campaign nailed several top legicrats - President Pro Tempore Robert Jubelirer, Senate Majority Leader David J. “Chip” Brightbill (R.-Lebanon), Sen. Noah Wenger (R.-Lancaster), Senate Minority Leader Robert Mellow (D.-Lackawanna) and House Minority Leader H. William DeWeese (D.-Greene) - only girlie man Jubelirer got huffy about it:

'...Jubelirer, the first to be attacked, said he is offended by the campaign. A spot that aired in his Altoona district notifies constituents that Jubilee upped his pay to $145,553 a year, with an increase of 34%. It ends, "Sen. Bob Jubilee: Raising our taxes and his salary, since 1975."...' (Human Events)

Senator Jubelirer was so threatened by the ad that he ginned up an ad of his own. Furthermore, his minions are making noises about suing the YCOP. He's shocked and dismayed that the YCOP isn't more appreciative after he, single-handedly, perpetrated 25 years of Elephant Clan control in the state senate and steadfastly promoted such core conservative principles as secretly giving oneself a 34% pay raise. If he wants a prize the YCOP might give him a goddamn plaque, but a 34% pay raise is out of the question.

PIG salutes the YCOP for exposing State Senator Jubelirer as a greedy, spineless asshat who isn't man enough to take responsibility for his own actions. The Senator made this pay raise on steroids hell, so it's beyond fair that the YCOP makes damn sue that he burns in it.

Mexas Sheriff's Sound Off On Border Jumping
Source: Washington Times [08/22]

Unlike one noted Mexas denizen, Vicente W. Bush, the Texas Border Sheriff's Coalition refuses to ignore the border jumping scumbag invasion that is inundating the 16 Mexas border counties the coalition represents. Don't take my word for it, PIGsters, listen to the pointed prose emanating from Zapata County Sheriff Sigifredo Gonzalez, a man who deemed the growing violence along his state's' southern border "a financial nightmare":

"We have tried everything we know to make the federal government aware of the problems at the border and how they have [affected] us. And while they say they are aware of the problems, they just leave it alone. We feel our government is not protecting our country, particularly at a time when terrorists could make their way into the United States through our southern border. If anything happens along the border areas, we're the first ones to respond, and it's the local taxpayers who are footing the bills for the federal government's inability to control the area." (Times)

PIG News begs to disagree with Sheriff Gonzalez on one pesky detail. The feds, under Vicente W. Bush aren't "unable" to control the border area. The feds have the muscle to enforce the borders, but they flatly refuse to do their sworn duty. They are, in fact, deliberately turning a blind eye on this invasion, because Vicente W. Bush thinks his primary allegiance is to MEXICO, not the United States of America.

Locked And Loaded In Mexas
Source: PIG News Wire [08/20]

The Minutemen Civil Defense Corps of Texas just thrilled every-damn-body in Houston when the group announced that its volunteers will be armed when they deploy to monitor the activities of the city's day laborers this October. Is this a simple matter of "we won't kick up a fuss if you're packing"? Not exactly. According to a Houston fishwrap, the group is offering aspiring new Minuteman volunteers who have a concealed weapon permit a discount on their Minuteman membership. Although Colonista coddlers view this membership discount with alarm, it's not quite as sinister as it sounds:

'...Members are normally charged $50 to join, with the money used to conduct a criminal background check. Those with a valid concealed-weapons permit can have that fee waived, since they already have undergone a background check and met other requirements, such as a handgun course, to get the permit, said George Klages, spokesman for the Minutemen in Houston...' (Houston Chronicle)

The Mexas Minutemen deployment in Houston is starting to sound like big time fun, PIGsters. It's breathless anticipation time in the top secret PIG bunker, so stay tuned for breaking news.

Uncle Sam Begs Border Jumping Scumbags to Stay Home
Source: San Diego Union-Tribune [08/18]

Uncle Sam's Department of Homeland Security continues to do everything in its power to avoid doing the job it's paid to do: securing our nation's borders from an on-going invasion by a hostile, foreign army of border jumping scumbags. Instead of taking meaningful steps to fortify our egregiously porous borders, the pinheads in D.C. are - we are not making this up - airing Spanish lingo boob tube and boom box ads begging the scumbags to stay home.

'...The TV and radio spots were unveiled Thursday at a news conference at San Diego's San Ysidro border crossing, the nation's busiest. Their release coincides with the launch of another slickly produced, Spanish-language media campaign by the U.S. Border Patrol to discourage illegal immigration and call attention to the dangers of clandestine border crossings...' (Union-Tribune)

This pagan scribbler would love to laugh at this pathetic "stay home, Chico" plea from our so-called government, but I find no humor whatsoever in this taxpayer funded bovine excrement. This ad campaign is all the proof you need that Vicente W. Bush is willing a co-conspirator with his lord and master Vicente Fox, in Fox's relentless plot to destroy Amerika from within. We deserve better, PIGsters, but we won't get it until we stand up and make our elected tormentors defend this nation from this hostile, border jumping scumbag invasion.

A Race Riot in Dallas?
Source: Washington Times [08/18]

According to a Melanin-Enriched, Dallas (Mexas) city council dude, James Fantroy, his city is on the verge of a race riot that he vows will "make the Los Angeles riots look like a picnic". If you don't know this is all whitey's fault, you're in a coma, Sparky. The councilman is convinced that Melanin-Challenged Mayor, Laura Miller, is behind the FBI probe involving corruption regarding contracts for some federally-funded low cost housing.

'...No charges have been filed, but Mayor Pro Tem Don Hill, council members Leo Chaney Jr. and Maxine Thornton-Reese and City Plan Commission members D'Angelo Lee, Melvin Traylor and Carol Brandon have been named in subpoenas for records confiscated by the FBI. All of those named are black...' (Times)

Why, Mr. Fantroy demands, are the FBI subpoenas going, exclusively, to certain Melanin-Enriched city hacks? He says it's racism. PIG News dares to opine, that these Melanin-Enriched hacks are the ones in the FBI's investigatory bull's-eye because they're the ones who allegedly "financially benefitted from projects" that were enacted by the aforementioned hacks.

Will Dallas boil over in a full fledged "no justice, no peace" outburst? The jury is still out. Until we know the final answer, file this epic under "when the man has you nailed, fair and square, play the race card" in your PIG News archives.

Southern Fried Panty-Twister
Source: PIG News Wire [08/18]

Hanover County (Virginia) Korrectniks have their panties in a bunch over the county's annual Civil War commemoration. They're resigned to this commemoration taking place - more or less - but aren't thrilled spitless over the name given to these annual festivities. Although the name "Dixie Days" does capture the spirit of the moment, certain newcomers - you can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that they're Yankee carpetbaggers - think the annual festivities need a more...inclusive name: "Blue and Gray Days," "Civil War Days" or "Battle of Bethesda Church."

These Yankee skunks are willing to keep "Days", but think that other "D" word - Dixie - carries too much baggage since it reminds everyone of the "South" and a certain bloody, uh, unpleasantness that transpired between the Union and the Confederacy. The advisory panel plans to discuss the name change issue at a public meeting in late September and hopes to have a new, inclusive, moniker for the event before the next Dixie Days extravaganza in May 2006. There's just one teensy problem with that plan. The advisory panel is just that, advisory, and its decisions are not binding on the private group that stages Dixie Days.

Unwilling to change the name of the annual commemoration his group sponsors, Grayson Jennings, commander of the Cold Harbor Guards Camp division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans of Virginia, responded to this Korrectnik hand-wringing with a virtual "bite me": "It's our event. We can call it what we want. This is our heritage. We are not changing the name." If necessary, he vowed to stage Dixie Days on private property, or move it out of Hanover County entirely.

PIG smells a stunning "Bull Run" class Confederate victory in the making. Give 'em hell, Johnny Reb!

Top Amerikan Liberal Enclaves Identified
Source: Sacramento Bee [08/12]

A cabal based in Berkeley (Mexifornia) - the Bay Area Center for Voting Research - rummaged through the voting data for 237 Amerikan cities with populations at or above 100,000 and - with suitable fanfare - announced the following results:

With three cities in the top ten, the Bay Area is - big shock - the most liberally-infested area in the U.S.

Berkeley dragged in at a sorry third, Oakland managed a commendable fifth and the Gulag (San Francisco) humiliated itself with a pathetic ninth.

'...Detroit topped the list of most liberal cities, followed by Gary, Indiana. Washington, Inglewood, Calif., Newark, N.J., Cambridge, Mass., and Flint, Mich., rounded out the top 10...' (Bee)

Provo (Utah) bagged the most conservative city slot.

Two Mexifornia cities made the most conservative city top ten: Bakersfield scored ninth place and Orange landed in tenth.

PIG is shocked, shocked, I tell you over Beserkeley's sorry showing. Get with the program, lefty punks. Don't make us come up there.

Lookism At L'Oreal?
Source: L.A. Times [08/12]

Mexifornia's Supreme Court ruled that the beauty products capitialists at L'Oreal crossed the line when the firm punished a supervisor who refused an order from on high to fire a sales wench who was dissed because she wasn't "hot". Based on this ruling, employees who refuse an order that the employee deems a violation of the state's antidiscrimination laws are given added protection from corporate retribution.

For those who obsess on the gruesome details, here are the relevant facts as served up by the L.A. Times:

'...Elysa J. Yanowitz, a regional sales manager for L'Oreal USA , said her boss ordered her to fire a female sales associate with a strong performance record because the dark-skinned employee was not attractive enough. After Yanowitz repeatedly refused, she said the company retaliated against her. Yanowitz eventually left L'Oreal on a disability leave because of stress. Yanowitz contended that her boss' order was illegal sex discrimination because male sales associates were not required to be attractive...'

Ducking the "lookism" hot potato, the Mexifornia high court based their ruling on gender bias, since L'Oreal, apparently, had different appearance-related rules for men than they did for women. Translation: firing a wench for being butt ugly is uncool, unless you fire that dog faced dude for being an optical blight on humanity. Got it? That's life in the Mexifornia fast lane.

An Enriching Decision in Pennsylvania
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [08/10]

In the dead of night, shrouded in a cloak of secrecy that would make James Bond green with envy, without any debate or public oversight, Pennsylvania's legicrats voted themselves a hefty pay raise that will elevate the paychecks for the state's lawmakers by a whopping 16% to 34%. This makes them the second highest paid state legicrats in the nation - Mexifornia being the top dog in that despicable department.

Elevating these greedy hack antics to nose bleed heights, the legicrats exploited a street legal loophole that allowed them to start collecting the pay, immediately, despite a constitutional provision that should, in theory, make that impossible

'...lawmakers found a way around a constitutional provision barring them from collecting any salary increase during the term in which it is approved. The pay raise bill - based on the authority of a court ruling nearly two decades old - lets lawmakers start collecting the raises 16 months early..' (Post-Intelligencer)

Immune to the firestorm of editorial and voter outrage that their antics stirred up, the legicrats are acting smug and smirky about their antics. The prevailing political wisdom opines that this tempest will be ancient history by the time the 2006 election cycle rolls around. Demonstrating how smug these hack feel, the Donkey Clan leadership just conducted a purge that ousted Donkey Clan legicrats who voted against the pay raise scam from their committee posts and replaced them with greedy Donkey Clan hacks.

If you live in Pennsylvania and let these hacks get away with this crap, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Bangor International Space Port?
Source: Bangor Daily News [08/09]

Best known as the preferred destination for flights that are, belatedly, discovered to be carrying someone on Uncle Sam's watch list, Bangor International Airport just earned another distinction. Thanks to the airport's 11,400 foot landing area, NASA just added it the list of emergency landing sites for the space shuttle. Does this mean that, unbeknownst to we lowly civilians, Uncle Sam has a top secret Space Alien watch list, too? It's Enquiring minds time in the PIG News bunker.

Is Obesity Racist?
Source: Washington Times [08/06]

Armed with the usual "alarming" statistics - 69% of Melanin-Enriched Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) denizens are overweight; 26% of Hispanic tykes age 2 to 5 are overweight or "at risk" - Theocratica Health Nazis are gearing up for a major campaign to "understand" why so many properly-hyphenated Old Dominion denizens are plus-sized. They can't understand why this looming healthcare disaster isn't properly-diverse, so they're holding workshops to talk it over with properly-hyphenated porkers:

'...Virginia Health Department officials will sponsor a workshop to uncover special challenges minorities face in fighting obesity and develop a strategy for helping them shed extra pounds. "We don't know if the issues minorities face differ significantly from what we have heard in other meetings," said Rachael Kennedy, obesity prevention coordinator for the department. "This meeting will help." The workshop, scheduled for Wednesday and Thursday, will help officials identify unique issues -- notions of healthy eating as a "white thing," for instance -- that hinder weight loss in minorities...' (Washington Times)

Since whitey refuses to do his fair share of "bulking up" Theocratica's valiant bureaucrats must devise a plan - mandatory, of course - to make everyone in the state equally miserable. Don't hold your breath for anyone in Theocratica's Health Department to admit that blacks and Hispanics are disproportionally fat because certain properly-hyphenated porkers stuff themselves to overflowing with culturally cool, but nutritionally challenged foods. That level of bureaucratic sanity is not gonna happen in this, or any other, lifetime, Sparky.

Tom Delay Gets Real About Border Jumping Scumbags
Source: Houston Chronicle [08/05]

House Majority Leader Tom Delay laid a serious smackdown on Houston's border jumping scumbag coddling hacks during a talk with his Fort Bend County Elephant Clan supporters. Among other things, he made the following stop the presses points:

"It greatly concerns me that the police chief in Houston, Texas, has created a sanctuary in Houston by announcing that he is not going to enforce our laws. That is unacceptable, and we hope to address it through Tancredo's legislation or other legislation."

"Before Congress takes any significant legislation, we must secure our nation's borders."

Congressman Delay drove a stake through the heart of the Teddy Kennedy-John McCain amnesty bill that would put many - if not most - Colonistas on the fast track to Amerikan citizenship. He seemed a bit more supportive of a bill by Senators John Cornyn and Jon Kyle that includes tougher border enforcement and new regulations for capitalist who crave those bargain priced immigrant workers. In reality, Congressman Delay favors much tougher tactics like the strict border enforcement measures put forward by PIG hero emeritus, Tom Tancredo.

Proving that - for Tom Delay, at least - the reality has finally sunk in, this Mexas Congressman promised that if Houston cops started rounding up the border jumping scumbags infesting that city, he, Delay, would personally see to it that there was ample room to house them. If all else failed, he made this PIG-Worthy suggestion: "If you pick up 50 or 100 of them, you can call the National Guard. Put them in tents." (Chronicle). Additionally, Congressman Delay proved how much closer he is to the border jumping scumbag invasion facts than Vicente W. Bush when he opined that border jumpers should not be given a free, government cess-school education, and that children born to border jumping scumbags in the U.S. should not be given automatic citizenship.

This just in: An Elephant Clan major player, House Majority Leader Tom Delay, 'gets it' on the need to stop the ongoing border jumping scumbag invasion. Kudos, while deserved, are deferred, until we see him do more than talk about it.

Mexifornia's Citizen Border Patrol
Source: Washington Times [08/05]

A citizen group named "Friends of the Border Patrol" (FBP) is gearing up for the long haul when it takes up positions on a popular border jumping scumbag section of the Mexifornia border near Calixico that's appropriately named "Smuggler's Gulch". Boasting 3,000 members, the FBP includes 'former Border Patrol agents, retired police officers, military personnel and pilots ' (Washington Times).

According to FBP leader Andy Ramirez, they're slated to start their border watching activities on September 16th (Mexican Independence Day) and plan to maintain their vigil "until the U.S. government provides the [border] security for which it is responsible. The FBP volunteers will stand their posts until properly relieved."

Mr. Ramirez had these choice words about Vicente W. Bush:

"President Bush ... says the most solemn duty of the American president is to protect the American people: Mr. Bush, tell it to someone else. You are derelict of your constitutional oath and duty to protect us by leaving our borders unsecured."

Paraphrasing a recent quote by PIG Hero emeritus, Tom Tancredo, this pagan scribbler opines: "The Friends of the Border Patrol aren't civilian volunteers watching our borders. They're "undocumented border patrol agents".

The Mexas Minutemen are standing firm this week, despite blatant threats from some Colonista thugs called "The Brown Berets". These border jumping scumbag Quislings warned the Minutemen to "think twice" before they pulled the trigger on coming to the Rio Grande Valley this fall. Were the Mexas Minutemen shaking in their boots over this overt threat? Not exactly:

"The Brown Berets area saying they are going to be there to meet us. I'll be there whether they're there or not. I don't want any confrontation with them. If we do have a confrontation, it won't be because of anything we do." (George Glages, Minuteman spokesman as quoted by the Brownsville Herald)

Before these Colonista thugs start picking a fight with the Minutemen, they should remember what former Mexas Minuteman President, Bill Parmley, told this Brownsville fishwrap: '...the Minutemen had stationed former U.S. Army Rangers and U.S. Navy Seals in the [Rio Grande] Valley to do reconnaissance work...'. No matter how bad these Colonista thugs think they are, it's a virtual certainty that Army Rangers and Navy Seals - even retired ones - can majorly kick their border jumping scumbag loving butts.

The border mess in Mexas is destined to get real fun, any minute now. The instant something nifty transpires, PIG News will serve up all the juicy tidbits.

Piling On
Source: PIG News Wire [07/30]

This week, New Hampshire's Libertarian Party jumped on the eminent domain ruling payback express when they painted a "We've got your eminent domain right here, Sparky" bull's-eye on Supreme Court Justice Stephen Bryer's Plainfield, New Hampshire, abode. Instead of the Bryer homestead, the land would be converted into a "Constitution Park". As fun as this is, this payback scheme runs a distant second to Logan Darrow Clements plan to replace Supreme Court Justice David Souter's Weare, New Hampshire, domicile with the "Lost Liberty Hotel".

Names In The News
Source: PIG News Wire [07/29]

Rob "Meathead" Reiner
This week, Meathead substantiated his induction into PIG's Least Wanted when he started promoting another Mexifornia Voter Initiative. The new assault on the inalienable individual liberty of Mexifornia taxpayers would impose a special tax on "the rich" to fund another government cess-school program: voluntary preschool for all 4-year-olds in Mexifornia. This blatantly Marxist adventure in Class Warfare is called the "Preschool for All Act" and, given the parasite horde infesting the no longer 'Golden' State, its passage is a slam dunk.

Meathead isn't all that's wrong with Mexifornia, but he's damn sure high on PIG's list of the top ten twerps who need to be strapped to a rocket and launched into the cosmos.

Mikey Jackson
Those PIGsters who aren't on this noseless perverts e-mail list might want to know that this bleached skinned has been just released a new album of his greatest hits. If you happen to be one of the 8,000 intellectual flatliners who bought the damn thing in its first week of distribution, you might be in well-charted glass half full territory. Based on these anemic sales, this musical equivalent of the Titanic might be on the fast track to collector's item status as a tribute to musical ineptitude.

Big Apple Mayor Bloomberg
During an appearance on a call in show, he continued to defend his asinine "no profiling" policy. An outraged caller named Victoria applied the heat with this prose:

"When you have 99 percent of the people that are committing these atrocities, blowing up buildings, being young Arab men, why - for Pete sake - would you not examine the bag of every single Arab. I think even the Arab people would feel safer if you did that." (News Max)

Bloomberg responded with this asinine blithering:

"...the law prohibits you from profiling. Period, end of story. So no matter what you think, the courts will not permit you to do that. More importantly, I think that what this country is founded on is the belief that everybody is innocent until proven guilty and we should not go and profile based on ethnicity or gender or the color of your eyes or whatever." (News Max)

This Big Apple bonehead did concede that the cops could "profile" a young, arab male if he "walking down the street with a backpack with wires sticking out of them and a sign saying 'bomb,'...". But, if anyone they stop refuses to have their backpack checked the cops won't give them any special attention: "They can leave, and we will not follow them."

Given Bonehead Bloomberge's knee-jerk Korrectness, the only thing missing from his engraved invitation to terrorists to blow up Big Apple subways is a brass goddamn band.

Je$$e Jackson
Ethnocrat Emeritus, Je$$e Jackson, is shocked, shocked, I tell you that ESPN's forthcoming '50 state tour of sporting events' doesn't include the District of Columbia. Je$$e, Je$$e, Je$$e. Have you finally reached the bottom of the victimhood issues barrel? Enquiring minds want to know.

PIG News has the following reality checks for Je$$e:

D.C. is a DISTRICT, not a STATE.

Guam, Midway, Puerto Rico and Cuba aren't on ESPN's itinerary either, because, like D.C. they aren't states either.

Je$$e, dude, you gotta lay off those funny smokes and you might want to have an electrician check out the wiring on your shock treatment jumper cables.

Finally, Je$$e, ESPN promised to honor D.C. during their stops in Maryland and Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) so shut the hell up already.

New London Land Stealers Blink
Source: Newsday [07/26]

The Connecticut pissants who perpetrated the eminent domain outrage that culminated in the Supreme Court decision that repealed our property rights are, apparently, feeling the heat from all that bellowing sovereign individual outrage. How else can you explain the fact that, cleared by this nation's highest court to destroy the lives of their eminent domain victims, they "voluntarily" imposed a moratorium on their property stealing antics?

For those who care, here's how the principle property stealing cabal explained their latest move:

'...Michael Joplin, president of the New London Development Corp., told The Day of New London that his agency will allow houses in the Fort Trumbull neighborhood to stand while the legislature takes up the eminent domain issue. State lawmakers have asked all local governments in Connecticut to refrain from seizing property for private development until they decide whether such action should be allowed...' (Newsday)

If you're smelling a fat, tax dollar infusion rat, give yourself a cookie. According to this New York fishwrap, Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell tied some eminent domain related strings to the $73,000,000 the state dumped into the project:

'..."We're saying we don't want to see that money used for any part of the project that involves eminent domain takings until this issue has been fully resolved," said Rich Harris, a spokesman for Gov. M. Jodi Rell. The state Department of Economic and Community Development has also tightened oversight of the Fort Trumbull project, saying it would review any expenditures of state money before they were made...' (Newsday)

These land-stealing asshats didn't give a flaming rip when it came to gutting the 5th Amendment, but, when political hacks react to increased voter heat by threatening to pull the plug on state and federal funding, these eminent domain cretins get cooperative in a heartbeat. Like cockroaches, these land stealing bastards prefer to do their dirty work in the dark.

Mark this as a 'stay of execution' on your eminent domain scorecard.

Colonista's Have Mexas Knickers in a Knot
Source: Montgomery County Courier (Mexas) [07/25]

Pertinent Quotes:

"We're getting jobs taken away from us. The government is giving our country over to foreigners and we definitely are being overloaded. The Hispanic population - most of them came here illegally and got their status. Some of them are hard-working, good people, but they still shouldn't come here illegally." (Linda Pearson, Montgomery County resident)

"We feel the city of Houston and city of Conroe that are providing places for illegal activity - we feel they are aiding and abetting illegal practices. What if there are MS (MS-13) gang members among those workers?" (Phil Johnson Sr., Leader of the Houston Minuteman chapter, a resident of Montgomery County).

"We cannot reward illegal actions with amnesty. It sends the wrong signal and it doesn't solve the problems. If we secure the borders, enforce the laws and help provide job opportunities in the home countries, ultimately that's the solution. We have to address it respectfully and thoughtfully." (Congressman Kevin Brady, R-Mexas)

Pertinent Facts:

'...The Federation for American Immigration Reform, a national, nonprofit membership organization focusing on immigration issues, estimates that Texas spent nearly $4 million in 2004 to educate illegal immigrant students and U.S.-born children of illegal immigrants...' (Courier)

'...Because of federal law, hospitals also cannot ask about citizenship of patients. However, the federal government is sending up to $46 million to Texas this year to reimburse hospitals for emergency care needed to stabilize patients who are illegal immigrants. The funding is based on new federal rules calling for eligibility to be established by asking patients "indirect" questions, such as whether they are eligible for Medicaid, whether they have a border crossing card, and whether they are foreign-born...' (Courier)
[PIGish Comment: $46,000,000 is a pile of greenbacks, but, you can bet the farm that it doesn't come close to covering the actual health costs associated with treating Colonistas.]

'...The Minutemen will be traveling to Houston in October to monitor sites where day laborers gather and are picked up by individual or companies wanting to hire them for the day or longer. The group will be videotaping the laborers and those who pick them up. "We will not know who's illegal. We're more concerned about who's hiring. We will be taking pictures of license plates, names of companies that are readily identifiable and faces of drivers. We will follow them to job sites and see where they return these people." (Houston Minuteman leader, Phil Johnson, Sr., as quoted by the Courier)

That fight to secure this nation's borders is heating up in Mexas, without an iota of assistance from a certain Oval Office dwelling Lone Star state denizen named Vicente W. Bush.

Houston's Immigrant Coddling Policy
Source: Houston Chronicle [07/24]

"Officers shall not make inquiries as to the citizenship status of any person, nor will officers detain or arrest persons solely on the belief that they are in this country illegally." (Houston Police Department's General Order 500-5)

With the Mexas chapter of the Minutemen poised to patrol the Houston's day laborer gathering spots, this Lone Star state city is in a border jumping scumbag panty twisting tizzy. Many residents who quite frankly don't want to think about, talk about or deal with the Colonistas who infest their city are looking for somebody to blame for this highly publicized Minuteman attention. A few are even annoyed enough to pin the blame on the Houston P.D.'s 1992 vintage General Order 500-5.

'...City Councilman Mark Ellis called this week for training HPD officers to enforce immigration laws. And in Washington, D.C., congressional conservatives have proposed legislation to require local police to help patrol for illegal immigrants...'

"[Before General Order 500-5] we didn't actively go out and search for illegals, but if we came across them in the course of our normal duty we would arrest them." (Guy McMenemy, a retired Houston P.D. sergeant).

City Council punk Gordon Quan - an 'immigration attorney' - once lobbied to make Houston a "Safety Zone" for border jumping scumbags.

Houston's border jumping scumbag coddling mayor, Bill White thinks HPD's "don't go there, Officer Sparky" policy is nifty because, "Diverting our police officers to enforce federal immigration law would reduce the time they can spend responding to citizens' calls and investigating crime." (Chronicle)

It sounds like the Mexas Minutemen can't get to Houston quickly enough. Maybe having them watching/photographing the day labor sites will remind every-damn-body that Houston is still in the United States, not Mexico. This Colonista panty twister is just getting started so stay tuned to PIG News for all the thrilling details.

Maryland Governor Feels The Heat
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [07/20]

Maryland Governor Robert Ehrlich is catching heat because he - gasp - dared to stage a fund raising event at Elkridge - a Baltimore, Maryland country club that does not roll out the welcome mat for aspiring, Melanin-Enriched members. At first, Ehrlich tried to stonewall the criticism, but, when the Ethnocrats turned up the heat, the Governor changed his tune, a sure sign that he plans to run for re-election.

In future, he vows, he'll check out a private club's membership policies, before he stages an appearance. And here you were worrying, needlessly.

Eminent Domain Ruling Backlash Continues
Source: Washington Times [07/19]

Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) politicians are making meaningful noises about limiting the eminent domain powers for state and local governments within the state. PIG News suspects that these rumblings are more than hot air, because at least three gubernatorial candidates, plus legicrats from both parties, are putting property rights protection on the front, political burner.

PIG News will bring you all the pertinent facts when the next legicrap session starts in January 2006.

Afterthought:
This Mexifornia denizen is green with envy that Theocratica denizens are not saddled with a full time legislature. Mexifornia's Marxist meatheads never go home, and we have the Nanny State on steroids to prove it.

Tancredo's Immigration Plan
Source: Washington Times [07/19]

Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo does more than talk about controlling our borders, he shows his border jumping coddling cohorts how to get 'er done. The immigration bill he just introduced has the following nifty elements:

Creates a guest worker program for legal temporary workers.
Government must meet specific border enforcement benchmarks before the guest worker program can begin.
One benchmark involves clearing up the deportation backlog.
Authorizes military to help with border enforcement.
Nukes the loophole that grants automatic citizenship to any tyke born here, regardless of its parents' citizenship status.
Guest worker jobs program would "consolidate all existing temporary workers such as technology, agriculture and nursing into one category".
Guest workers would be allowed to be in the USA 365 days out of every two year period.
His bill includes tough employer sanctions.

Tom Tancredo continues to lead the fight to stem the border jumping scumbag tide. Like Congressman Tancredo, we don't expect his bill to get any traction in a congress controlled by an Elephant Clan that flees the immigration issue like its tainted with Ebola. For putting himself on the line, again, Tom Tancredo gets a non-negotiable "you done good, dude" from PIG News.

Amerikan News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/16]

Berkeley, Mexifornia
I got terminally smirky the instant I spotted the screaming headline: "Corpse flower blooming, ready to stink up UC Berkeley". The scribblers at the Sacramento Bee need to increase the voltage on their shock treatments if they think a petty stinker like the corpse flower will come close to matching the suffocating stench wafting up from Beserkeley's entrenched Marxists.

Cambridge, Massachusetts
Your favorite PIG scribbler is bummed today, PIGsters. My stellar qualifications for a job I was born to perform were deliberately, egregiously, ignored by Harvard University President Lawrence Summers when he selected the Ivory Tower's new Diversity Czar. Who, I ask you, knows more about, has written more about, diversity than this pagan scribbler? Who, I ask you, could bring such a unique, PIGish, perspective on diversity if not this pagan scribbler? Great zot! I could do this job from the top secret pagan bunker and I'd work for free. If they need an on-campus presence, I'm willing to post this sign on the Diversity Czar's office door: "Get over it, whining asshat Sparky". Does anyone have the EEOC's hotline number handy?

Senate Places Pork Above Border Security
Source: Washington Times [07/15]

When congress passed the intelligence overhaul bill last December, the legicrap included prose that mandated '2,000 new border security agents and 8,000 new detention beds every year for the next five years' (Times). This week, while running the Department of Homeland Security spending bill up the legicrap flagpole, the Senate shot down two amendments that would fund the new border agents and detention beds. Why? As usual, PIG News is on it:

The funding for these border strengthening measures is achieved by taking money from a notorious pork barrel goodie that gives homeland security funding to every state in the union, even those that are virtually immune from a terrorist attack.

'...Sen. Charles E. Schumer, New York Democrat, said the amendments would sap funds from local law enforcement. "That's the problem here. It's not in strengthening the borders. It's in taking away money from the people every day who defend us and, since 9/11, have new duties."...' (Times)

When your city is overrun by Colonista invaders...when your town is subjected to a massive attack by terrorists who strolled across our undefended borders, remember to thank the traitors in the United States Senate - from both political clans - who put politics above our national security needs.

This pagan scribbler thinks these traitors should be lined up, shot and left in the sun to rot as stinking lesson to any aspiring congressional turncoats. Since that's never gonna happen, I'll be satisfied if Amerikan voters would grow a spine and FIRE THESE TREASONOUS SONS OF BITCHES. It's time for every Amerikan citizen to grab their congressional clown by the scruff of the neck and bellow: "Knock this crap off, asshole and do your goddamn job."

He's Mad As Hell and Not Gonna Take It Anymore
Source: Fox News [07/14]

Located across the border from Portland, Oregon, and overshadowed by a better known Vancouver (the one in British Columbia), Washington's 4th largest city is saddled with a crippling inferiority complex. That might explain the Mayor's unofficial assault on Starbucks.

Vancouver Mayor Royce Pollard reached critical mass the instant he heard that Starbucks was selling coffee mugs in its Vancouver, Washington shops that bore the name "Portland". When Starbucks didn't respond to his demands to remove the cups, he ventured forth to 'get 'er done', personally:

'...The first Starbucks he got to had heard he was coming and had already safely evacuated its Portland mugs back across the river.

"It was because of you," manager Melanie Goodman admitted. Pollard gave her a hug.

The next Starbucks wasn't so lucky. It had two Portland mugs on display. Pollard bought them both, walked over to a garbage can by the front door and smashed them to bits.

"What's he doing?" one employee, or "barista" as Starbucks calls them, asked another.

"That's the mayor of Vancouver and he's breaking up the Portland coffee mugs," the other replied.

"Sweet," said the first...' (Fox News)

In a heartbeat, Starbucks beat a hasty corporate retreat and removed the offending "Portland" cups from its Vancouver, Washington outlets.

Since the Mayor bought the cups before breaking them, this pagan scribbler is willing to overlook his antics and give him a provisional "no harm, no foul". And here you were worrying, needlessly.

Dictating Terms to End The Invasion
Source: World Net Daily [07/14]

Testifying in front of the United States Senate Foreign Relations Committee this week, a former Mexican foreign minister dictated Mexico's non-negotiable terms for an Amerikan surrender in our war with border jumping scumbag invaders. According to this Mexican son-of-a-goddamn-bitch, the following terms must be accepted, before Mexico will even consider stemming the border jumping scumbag tide:

Amnesty - and a path to automatic citizenship - for all Mexicans living in the U.S.

Uncle Sam must allow at least 5 million additional Mexican invaders to enter Amerika during the next 10 years.

Uncle Sam must pump billions, perhaps trillions, of dead presidents into Mexico.

This brazen bastard's name is Jorge Casteneda, an Amerika-hating asshat who is, believe it or not, living off Empire State taxpayers as a professor at New York University.

His antics are bad enough, but the fact that nobody on this Senate panel had the nads to challenge this Colonista cretin tells you all you need to know about Amerika's legicrats. It's time to clean house, PIGsters. It's time to tell these Beltway traitors to start defending Amerika from this invasion or get the hell out of town and make way for somebody who has a goddamn spine.

The only person at the hearing who 'gets it' is Federation of Immigration Reform president Dan Stein:

"When anyone, much less a former foreign minister of a supposedly friendly nation, comes before a committee of the United States Senate and issues ultimatums and thinly veiled threats against the United States, one would expect outrage and condemnation from members of Congress. Instead, we got meek acquiescence or deafening silence from the members who were present. If the government of Mexico is not prepared to join us in this struggle, without conditions, then they cannot claim to be an ally and our government must view them as such. Allies do not engage in extortion." (WND)

Dan Stein seems to be the only dude in D.C. who understands that Mexico's actions are the actions of an enemy. The time has come to return the favor by totally stomping this pissant country until they knock it the hell off.

Karl Rove In The Lefty Bull's-Eye
Source: Pagan Scribbler "Prattle" Tantrum [07/13]

Let's be real, PIGsters, PIG isn't that choked up about Karl Rove or his plight. A sharp-witted dude, Karl is so sharp that his intellect serves as the brain for his own life and George W. Bush's. That's why we're more than a tad perplexed that Karl put himself in this pickle. Fear not, PIGsters, PIG is confident that Karl is smart enough to plot a course through the News Nitwit minefield and come through unscathed. We can't be the only ones who find Karl's ability to shrug off these politically motivated slings and arrows eerily familiar. Is it possible that Karl found the extra Teflon that Bubba left lying around the oval office? Breaking News, PIGsters: Slick Willy gives way to Krafty Karl. The libs are not gonna be amused in the least.

Karl's a big boy who got into this mess all by himself, so, we're predicting that he'll cope very nicely without any PIGish hand-wringing. It's unlikely - in the extreme - that Karl will be issued the 'for the good of your president' sword and ordered to fall on it. However, being those kind of dudes, we're wondering what might happen if, on a one in a million shot, W does order Karl to fall on the proverbial sword.

What keeps us burning the midnight oil in the top secret PIG bunker is who will mix the VRWC Kool-Aid, if Karl isn't around to 'get 'er done'? I mean, without that Karl Rove Flavored Kool-Aid, Sean Hannity will be broadcasting three hours of dead air instead of three hours of hot air. We're shocked, shocked we tell you. We know what you're thinking and you're right, for a change. Sean can always revert to his old programming methods: armed with a pad and pencil, he can hunker down by his boom box and listen to Rush's show, taking copious notes. That's all the show prep he'll need, until a new Kool-Aid Maestro steps into the VRWC void.

The bad news about the ongoing adventures of Karl Rove is that the lefties and their News Nitwit co-conspirators will probably kick Karl around a while longer. Fear not Karl, dude, the news isn't all bad. The good news is that you were just crowned PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Some Are More Equal Than Others in Montgomery County
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/09]

A Montgomery County (Maryland) denizen named Assadollah Noory is in a nasty whiz-a-thon with his neighbors, because he decided to put a dome over his swimming pool. A devout Muslim, our hero wanted to give his lovely bride a place to swim, one where she could fulfill the Islamic tenet that makes it a major no-no to let another man see her "uncovered". His solution seems straightforward enough: build a pool in his backyard and put a dome over it to preserve his wife's modesty. No harm, no foul? It should be, but life in Nanny State Amerika is a tad more complicated than that.

Mr. Noory's problems started when his politically-connected neighbors - the husband is a former mayor and his bride is the daughter of another former mayor - returned from vacation to find a new pool in their neighbors yard, very near their fence. As upset as they were about the pool, the neighbors' outrage reached critical mass when Mr. Noory brought in contractors with heavy equipment to build the Dome over the "massive above ground pool". Thanks to their political pull, his politically connected neighbors got the dome building deep-sixed, leaving Mr. Noory with a pool built for his wife that she can't use.

As expected, the egregiously-korrect dweebs running Montgomery County are in a hand-wringing frenzy, trying to find some middle ground between a properly-hyphenated resident and a pair of pushy, politically-powerful asshats. So far, the politically connected neighbors continue get away with imposing restrictions on another person's property. As bad as this is - make no mistake this blatant violation of Mr. Noory's property rights reeks - the lesson isn't lost on Mr. Noory who summed it up his losing fight with political pull peddlers this way: "Where I come from, whoever weighs more, takes more." Truer words, PIGsters...Truer words.

Stop the presses: Political pull peddling is so rampant in Montgomery County it reminds Mr. Noory of his native land: Iran!

Houston's Colonista Panty Twister
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/08]

Houston's Colonista coddlers got their panties in a bunch last month, when they discovered that Houston's men in blue were, routinely, video taping the day laborers lurking in certain sections of town. Faster than speeding salsa spit, Colonista coddlers stormed city hall and got the cops to knock it off. Fast forward to the present and the Colonistas - plus the contractors who hire them - are destined to stray back into the video camera viewfinder, but this time the cameras will be manned by the Texas Minutemen. If you can't image how that thrilled the usual, border jumping scumbag coddling suspects, wake the hell up, Sparky.

"This is a welcoming community, and (the Minutemen) should let the law do its job. They would be a polarizing influence that would bring out latent prejudice." (Houston Councilpunk Gordon Quan, a longtime advocate for immigrants.)

[PIGish response: The police were doing their job until you and the rest of Houston's border jumping scumbag coddlers stopped them.]

"These people who hunt immigrants are only thinking of themselves. They don't think of the suffering of these immigrants who stand on the corner hoping to work for something to eat." (Maria del Carmen Yupe, a leader of a border jumping scumbag coddling cabal named, The Metropolitan Organization.)

[PIGish response: "An aspiring immigrant's unrequited needs are irrelevant; they do not entitle the needy to the unearned fruit of another individual's labor. Parasite coddlers insist that these intruders - invaders is more accurate - have a right to a job, an education and medical care, even when that means someone else is forced to pay the bill." PIG's Immigration Primer]

The war against border jumping scumbag invaders is heating up in the Lone Star State. The instant things go from "cool" to "damn!" PIG News will serve up all the nifty details. Stay tuned, PIGster, because this one looks like big - Mexas size - fun.

Amerikan News Briefs
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/07]

Chicago
A federal judge shot down a shyster drama that would, if successful, nail certain Amerikan capitalist cabals for slave reparations. Deeming the reparations scam "political", Judge Charles R. Norgle told the Ethnocrat shysters that the matter belonged in the legislature, not the courtroom.

'...[Judge Norgle ruled] that the plaintiffs have failed to show a link between themselves and the 17 corporations named as defendants, and that the statute of limitations rules out damages for wrongs committed before slavery was abolished in 1868...' (AP)

Does this drive a stake through the heart of this slave reparations scam? Not a chance, but it does send these chronic, Ethnocrat whiners back to the proverbial drawing board.

Tallahassee
After mining the last drop of political blood from Terri Schiavo's corpse, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, pulled his head out of his butt and declared that, as far as any official Florida involvement is concerned, the woman can finally rest in peace. Don't be fooled for an instant, because Jeb's reality check is not motivated by any latent Gubernatorial synaptic activity. It's the only course of action left to Oval Office wanna be Jeb, after State Attorney John McCabe announced the results of his investigation into Ms. Schiavo's death:

'...In asking McCabe to look again into what put Schiavo in a persistent vegetative state, Bush had cited an alleged gap between when Schiavo's husband Michael found her and when he called 911. The governor had said the issue remained unsettled.

McCabe said, however, while such discrepancies may exist in the record, Michael Schiavo's statements that he called 911 immediately had been consistent. "This consistency, coupled with the varying recollections of the precise time offered by other interested parties, lead me to the conclusion that such discrepancies are not indicative of criminal activity and thus not material to any potential investigation," McCabe wrote in a letter to Bush accompanying his report...' (AP)

Governor Bush might be done with the Schiavo case in his official capacity, but you can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that Oval Office candidate Bush will dredge up Terri Schiavo's ashes and make them the cornerstone of this presidential bid. That might not bother you, but it absolutely disgusts this pagan scribbler.

Mexas Minutemen Update
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [07/03]

Mexas Minutemen continue their plans to deploy their volunteers along Mexas' 1,254 mile long border with Mexico, but the project isn't a slam dunk. Unlike Arizona where much of the land the Minuteman Project patrolled was public land, as much as 1,000 miles of the Mexas border property is owned by ranchers. Although the ranchers are 'up to here' with the border jumping scumbags destroying their fences and trashing their property, they're not ready to pull the trigger on letting the Mexas Minutemen patrol their land in October.

'...Many landowners said they were concerned about the potential for a violent exchange between Minutemen and so-called coyotes or, worse, drug traffickers who used some of the same corridors as human smugglers. "We're worried about the liability of a confrontation occurring on our ranch," said Dr. Michael Vickers, owner of three cattle ranches, and a rural veterinarian in 10 south Texas counties. "Having them out on some of these ranches may be a dangerous situation."...' (L.A. Times)

The ranchers' concerns are understandable, since, under prevailing Mexas law, the Minutemen could, quite legally, do more than observe border jumpers and report them to the Border Patrol. In Mexas, cops aren't the only ones with the power to make arrests: '..."any other person" may arrest someone when a felony is committed in that person's presence or "within his view"...' (Times). Add that to the well-documented affection Lone Star State denizens have for guns and you have an explosive situation.

Will the Mexas Minutemen 'get 'er done' and have their patrols out in October? Probably, but it's likely to get thrilling before the details are ironed out. As usual, PIG News will bring you all the relevant details, as they occur.

Minuteman Group Organizes In Four Border States
Minuteman project co-founder, Arizona publisher Chris Simcox, isn't resting on his laurels. Determined to continue what the original Minuteman Project started, he's heading up a spinoff group named the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps. In addition to a thriving chapter in his home state, Chris has new chapters forming in Mexas, New Mexico and Mexifornia.

In Mexas, Chris already has a half dozen chapters and at least 1,000 volunteers with more showing up every day. The Mexas Minuteman effort started in Goliad County, despite the fact that it's 165 miles away from Uncle Sam's undefended border with Mexico. With numerous Mexas property owners in border jumping scumbag's invasion path rolling out the red carpet for them, the Mexas Minuteman should have their group deployed in the Rio Grande Valley by the end of summer.

Chris has groups in all four states taking up positions on the border jumping scumbag invasion front lines. While their Mexas counterparts gear up for action, the New Mexico Minutemen are already at work on the border. They started patrolling key section of their state's southern border on June 12. Similar activities are already underway in Arizona, but the big deployment happens in October, when, if all goes according to plan, the Minutemen Civil Defense Corps expects to have their volunteers deployed in all four border states, simultaneously.

Border Jumping Scumbag Coddlers Alarmed over Minutemen
The Minuteman activity in Mexas didn't go unnoticed or unchallenged. With Mexas patriots gearing up to do the border protecting job their homeboy, George W. Bush, refuses to do, it's hardly shocking that the usual border jumper coddling suspects are in a panty-twisting tizzy. Calling themselves the Contra Minuteman Coalition, six Mexas whiner cabals condemned the Minutemen as racist asshats. Elsewhere in Mexas, Governor Rick Perry repulsed pleas from least 11 state senators to declare the Minutemen illegal. Governor Perry reminding the usual suspects that this is still Amerika, where there's nothing criminal about legal Amerikan residents gathering peacefully along the border.

In New Mexico, the opposition starts at the top in Governor Bill Richardson's office. He's far from thrilled about the Minuteman deployment in his state, but there's nothing he can do about it, since the Minutemen aren't breaking any state or federal laws. On the whiner front, New Mexico's ACLU and the punk directing the Las Cruces (New Mexico) outpost for the League Of United Latin American Citizens are spouting heated, "stop those damn Minutemen" prose. So far, the New Mexico Minuteman effort is unimpeded by all this lefty huffing and puffing.

PIG News salutes the men and women in the Minutemen Civil Defense Corps for putting themselves on the border jumping scumbag invasion front lines. Don't take any crap from the whiners or the border jumping coddlers in elected office because they're lower than whale excrement punks, every damn one of them. Like those Minutemen who helped create this nation, you answered the call when you saw your nation being attacked by a relentless enemy. You're heroes and that's a no shit fact.

Danger On Amerika's Southern Flank
Source: Washington Times [06/30]

Although President Bush isn't likely to mention it during his "fireside" pep talks about the ongoing war on terror, Amerika's enemies have easily identified the chink in Uncle Sam's armor. Undoubtedly an unpleasant shock to our commander and chief, the most exposed point in Amerika's defenses isn't in Iraq or Afghanistan, it's along our undefended, wide, goddamn, open southern border. This point was driven home, big damn time, this week when two Iraqi nationals were caught trying to sneak across our border with Mexico.

As bad as this is, the news gets worse, because our border problems are common knowledge in terrorist town:

'...Mexican authorities said investigators were told the Iraqis had been advised by an unidentified person in Baghdad that he could arrange for them to be smuggled across the U.S. border once they got to Mexico. The Baghdad smuggler demonstrates that the porousness of the U.S.-Mexico border is becoming "common knowledge" on the Arab street, one U.S. law-enforcement official said yesterday...' (Times)

Will this breaking news make W wake the hell up and shore up our home front defenses? Don't be a moron, Sparky. If he did anything that rational his daddy, Vicente Fox, would spank little Georgie. The only hope we have to keep our southern borders defended lies with groups like the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps that is already gathering forces in New Mexico, Arizona, Mexas and Mexifornia. In this instance, these twenty-first century Minutemen are doing the job President George W. Bush was hired to do, the job he steadfastly refuses to do.

When The Truth Hurts, Suppress It
Source: Scripps Howard News Service [06/28]

Colorado Congressman, and PIG hero Emeritus, Tom Tancredo, is thrilling the White House - yes, again - with his latest border jumping scumbag revelation. As usual, this one is a jaw-dropper. Documents liberated from the feds by Judical Watch through a freedom of information request show that, in the weeks after the president unveiled his guest worker program on January 7, 2004, illegal immigration surged. Moreover, based on questionaires filled out by border jumping scumbags who got caught invading our country, 45% said they were coming to get the amnesty the Amerika president's plan promised them.

If the matter ended there, it would be bad enough, but there's much more to this particular border jumping scumbag story. The fun got started for real, when, right after the president served up his border jumping scumbag coddling plan, the Department of Homeland Security 'ordered a survey of apprehended illegal immigrants to determine whether the [president's] proposal influenced their decision to cross the border' (Scripps Howard News). When the results started coming in, the bovine excrement hit the fan with a resounding 'splat':

'...The results establish that a significant number of the captured aliens were crossing the border to take advantage of what they understood to be the Bush program. Once the outcome became apparent and could prove embarrassing, according to Tom Fitton, president of Judicial Watch, "the Bush administration abruptly shut it down. The Border Patrol, at the behest of the White House, instructed its agents not to provide the information about the negative impact of the proposed amnesty program."

Agents were given a document from Homeland Security, marked "internal use only," that was described as "White House approved talking points" on Bush's temporary-worker program. Agents were told, "Do not talk about amnesty, increase in apprehensions or give comparisons of past immigration reform proposals" and "do not provide statistics on apprehension spikes or past amnesty data."...' (Scripps Howard News)

If this coverup happened during Bubba's tenure in the Oval Office, the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy's outraged bellowing would be deafening. But, since the Oval Office denizen is a pachyderm punk, the Karl Rove Kool-Aid swilling horde can't be bothered. Only a dude with Congressman Tancredo's nads has the right stuff to put Amerika ahead of politics. That's why he is, and shall continue to be, a PIG Hero.

W Making Border Enforcement Noises
Source: Dallas Morning News [06/22]

This Lone Star State fishwrap reports that W is making noises about getting tough on border enforcement as part of the president's stillborn amnesty for border jumping scumbags notion. The particular trial balloon got launched by Mexas Senator John Cornyn:

'..."What's been missing in the discussion about immigration reform is a strong commitment to border security," said Cornyn, a Texas Republican who chairs the Senate immigration subcommittee. Cornyn predicted the White House would soon issue its priorities for border enforcement...' (Dallas Morning News)

W's concept of border enforcement needs work, since it seems to be limited to closing the borders AFTER everyone in Central and South America stampede over our undefended border. It's hard to take anything W says about toughening up our pathetic immigration policy as long as W is sitting in Vicente Fox's lap.

Demanding Drastic Measures in Richmond, Mexifornia
Source: San Francisco Chronicle [06/22]

Citizens of Richmond (Mexifornia) 'celebrated' their status as the 12th most dangerous city in Amerika by marching into the city council meeting and demanding that the council declare a state of emergency in the troubled city's most dangerous neighborhood. This citizen outrage is fueled, in large part, by 8 murders in the last two weeks, bringing the number of killings to 17, so far this year. Richmond denizens concluded, quite reasonably, that drastic action is needed. The proposed state of emergency sounds like a good way to start:

'...The state-of-emergency declaration, often a tactic reserved for earthquakes and full-scale riots, would allow police to respond to criminal activity with the "urgency, toughness and consistency required to end wars."...' (Chronicle)

In typical political hack style, the city council commiserates with the 600 citizens who packed Tuesday's council meeting, but their solution does not involve a state of emergency. Instead, they propose throwing wads of taxpayer money at the problem and hope it - plus the citizen outrage - will simply go away:

"I support most of the legislation to prevent violence and replenish our resources, but I don't support declaring a state of emergency because by definition we don't have an emergency. We have a long-term problem with violent crime. But it's certainly not an emergency." (Richmond Councilpunk Tom Butt as quoted by the Chronicle)

The 'long term solution' favored by Councilman Butt is $2,000,000 to hire more cops, installing surveillance cameras and adding more drug-sniffing dogs. Is this council punk named "Butt" or "Butthead"? Don't hold your breath waiting for Richmond's political punks to do anything meaningful in the near future, unless the next murder statistic is someone near and dear to these myopic Mexifornia meatheads.

Turmoil in New Mexico's ACLU Cabal
Source: AP [06/21]

Gary Mitchell - he's president of the New Mexico ACLU's board of directors - is not a happy camper. Gary is shocked, shocked I tell you that the Las Cruces ACLU Chapter nursed a viper at its bosom. PIG News is majorly bummed that we're unable to tell you Gary's exact words when he found out that a board member in the Las Cruces ACLU chapter "went over to the enemy". Whatever Gary said when he found out one of his own ACLU punks organized a New Mexico Minuteman Project group, it was probably more colorful than Homer's all purpose "D'oh". We do know that it was immediately followed by prose that instantly suspended the entire Las Cruces ACLU chapter. As a special PIGish bonus, we share the following over-the-top Gary prose:

"We will not tolerate racism and vigilantism in the leadership structure of our organization. They are repugnant to the principles of civil liberties and the mission of the ACLU.''

That's gotta earn a rousing "amen" from the congregation. Call us names if that thrills you, but this pagan scribbler likes anything that spreads angst and turmoil within the ACLU.

Gravity Test Passes In Kentucky
Source: Lexington Herald-Leader [06/17]

McAfee (Kentucky) denizen, Lela Stewart, didn't realize that she was conducting a gravity verification test when she parked her new Ford Escape in her garage. Her inadvertent scientific endeavor yielded predictable results when the garage floor buckled putting her new ride into free fall to the unused cistern located 10 feet beneath the garage. Alerted by the noise, Lela rushed to the garage where she was greeted by a cloud of dust - but not a hardy "Hi-ho Silver" - when she opened the door.

This just in from McAfee, Kentucky: Homeowner Lela Steward just verified that gravity and numerous other physical laws still function in the Bluegrass State. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled program.

Roy Moore On The Political Trail
Source: Boston Globe [06/14]

Elephant Clan theocons appear to be grooming Talibanma's (the state formerly known as Alabama) Roy Moore for bigger and better things. For starters, he seems like a top contender for this Southern-Fried supernaturalist enclave's governorship, in the forthcoming election, but that's just the beginning. Certain top Amerikan Theocracy plotters - Rev. Rick Scarborough, chairpunk of the Judeo-Christian Council for Constitutional Restoration - think Roy can succeed where Pat Robertson failed by winning the Oval Office derby.

For those who can't quite place Roy, be advised that he's the former Chief Justice of the Talibanma Supreme Court...he's the true believer who perpetrated that two and a half-ton Ten Commandments monument in the Supreme Court building's lobby. Roy is the theocon hero who defied a federal court order to remove it, earning him props from Tome purists, theocracy-loving Cross Cultists and assorted other elements in Amerika's dominionism movement. Say what you want about Roy, but he never strays off message. He wants an Amerikan Theocracy and he wants it right damn now.

Setting aside my 'issues' with Talibanma in general and Roy in particular, I must admit that having Roy in the Talibanma governor's office would be a boon for a scribbler like me. With Roy in office, I'd be wallowing in stellar scribbler material. That's why I'm thisclose to donating some hard earned pagan greenbacks to Roy's campaign coffers. I'm so into this I'll even donate a rousing election chant: "Hey, hey...ho, ho...Roy Moore is the way to go."

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Makes Landfall in Illegal Alien Hiring
Source: World Net Daily [06/11]

The most common excuse trotted out by the companies that hire border jumping scumbags is the canard that "it's just too damn hard to determine who's here legally". That bovine excrement might fly, if it weren't for an 8-year old program that allows an employer to hop on the information super highway and get instant feedback on a prospective employee via the Internet. It's called "The Basic Employment Verification Pilot Program" and it's free of charge, thanks to kindly Uncle Sam. Bold New Concept.

How, you ask, is it working? Like Gang-busters, if Amerikan capitalists would use the damn thing:

"...Nationally, only 4,385 companies of the 5.7 million counted by the U.S. Census are using the program, says Chris Bentley, spokesman for U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services – less that 1/10 of 1 percent of all employers..." (WND)

The dirty little secret here is that for companies who willingly, knowingly, hire border jumping scumbags, there's literally, no down side. At worst, the IRS will assess a $400 per year fine for each employee, and that's chump change to the capitalists who boost their bottom line using border jumping scumbag employees.

I'll be the first to stand up and salute the core capitalism concept that puts a willing worker together with a willing employer, unless I'm the poor dumb, taxpaying bastard who is forced to shell out for this bargain-basement priced willing worker's healthcare and schooling for his teeming, rugrat horde. As long as the Amerikan Nanny State forces me to fund healthcare, infrastructure and schooling for the border jumping scumbag parasites, I'm ready, willing and eager to impose some serious goddamn fines on the businesses that hire these invaders. Maybe after a couple cheap, border jumper hiring, capitalist asshats get hammered with serious fines and/or graybar guest status, they'll start paying attention to this nation's laws and start using the "Basic Employment Verification Program".

Afterthoughts:
Before any meaningful progress can be made on securing our nation's borders and repelling the border jumping scumbag invasion, Amerikan voters need to confer involuntary, early retirement on certain political hacks, in both parties. Nothing will happen as long as our elected officials - in both wings of the ruling Government Party (Republicrats) - refuse to step up and taking meaningful steps to fight this border jumping scumbag invasion. After throwing the bums out, Amerikan citizens can force their new elected officials to put some teeth in our laws against aiding, abetting and/or hiring border jumping scumbags.

I'm up to here with all this dithering in D.C. It's time to kick some political hack butt. Keep that in mind when these legicrat clowns ramp up for next year's midterm elections. If your hack won't do the right thing on this border jumping scumbag invasion, FIRE THE BASTARD. It's time for Amerika's citizens to reassert their rightful control over this nation's government. Enough is enough!

It All Looked Good On Paper
Source: St. Petersburg Times (Florida) [06/11]

When Clear Channel Entertainment presented its plans for a jumbo size amphitheater on Florida's state fairgrounds, everyone believed Clear Channel's promise that they'd designed it to keep the noise emanating from it to an acceptable minimum. No doubt you'll be shocked, shocked I tell you, that these best laid plans didn't pan out as expected. That's why Clear Channel's 20,000 square foot, $23 million dollar Ford Amphitheater is the subject of not one, or two, but three shyster assaults.

Claiming that Clear Channel blatantly lied to every-damn-body, Hillsborough County's environmental protection bureaucracy says that the relentlessly noisy facility has a roof that's 40% higher than the plans showed, plus, the speaker configuration doesn't match the plans the state's Fair Authority approved. Since this noisy Clear Channel blight is on state owned land, the local bureaucrats are forced to pound sand, unless they can get the Fair Authority to bitch-slap Clear Channel into fixing the thrillingly-noisy amphitheater. It's unclear what, if anything, the county authorities can do about Clear Channel antics. The relevant authority rests with a state cabal that's too busy counting all those concert-generated dollars to worry about something as petty as Florida voters who can't hear themselves think.

Would it be hopelessly inkorrect if I pointed out that the state fairgrounds were - in all likelihood - already there when these noise-averse citizens built their homes? Probably, but I can live with it if you can.

Banding Together To Fight The Border Jumping Scumbags
Source: World Net Daily [06/08]

Faced with a mushrooming backlash from the border jumping scumbags infesting Amerika - and those who aid, abet and coddle them - the patriots who devote themselves to stemming this illegal alien invasion are banding together. The new coalition is a direct result of a conference in Las Vegas last month that was hosted by the 'Wake Up America Foundation'. According to World Net Daily the following action items are on the new illegal alien fighting coalition's agenda:

"To form a national organization designed to unify the movement and to increase cooperation and communication among immigration reform groups across America;

"To engage in the 2006 election cycle on the local, state and federal levels in what will be the year of the illegal immigration issue; and

"To immediately engage in unified efforts to secure America's borders, crack down on employers of illegal aliens and to block any amnesty legislation."

The groups that attended this organizational meeting will continue to coordinate their efforts to maximize their impact on Amerika's out of control border disaster. Stay tuned to PIG News for updates on this important development in the valiant efforts by Amerika's citizens to secure our nation's borders.

An Innovative Defense
Source: Knoxville News Sentinel [06/07]

Already a fixture on the Federal narcotics' cabal radar, Greg Smith had a close encounter with Amerikan justice in August 2002, when the feds bagged 200 grams of cocaine and 3 grams of crack in his domicile. For reason's known only to them, the Feds impounded the drugs but didn't run Greg through the justice system jumps. That all changed in July 2004 when the Feds nailed him on 'federal conspiracy charges', but that's just the start of this epic.

According to this Tennessee fishwrap, Greg was a very busy boy in the interval between August 2002 and July 2004. In fact, he 'racked up drug convictions in state court', a fun fact that qualified him for special treatment (10 years to life) when the Feds tried him on the conspiracy charge. With his client facing 10 years to life, Greg's shyster reached for the shyster excuse brass ring:

"Had Greg Smith been taken into custody in 2002 he would not be facing nearly as much time behind bars. As it turns out, the government's failure to pursue federal charges against him at that time only allowed this young man, whose life was out of control, to spiral further downward." (Greg's shyster - John Eldridge - pleading for a lighter sentence as reported in the News Sentinel)

The U.S. Attorney nailed it when he pointed out that Greg caught a break in 2002 and blew it by not changing his drug monkey ways. Did Greg do this to himself? You better believe it, self-inflicted wound Sparky.

One Judge's Noble Fight To Stem The Border Jumping Scumbag Tide
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [06/06]

"I want you to tell all your friends in Honduras that if they come through Brownsville, Texas, they will not be paroled into the system and they will be put in jail and deported." (U.S. Magistrate Judge Felix Recio)

Border jumping scumbags who get caught in the Brownsville (Mexas) area, are in for a rude awakening when they appear in front of U.S. Magistrate Judge Felix Recio. Judge Recio doesn't play revolving door roulette with border jumpers, because instead of a stern tsk, tsk and a notice to appear, border jumpers go directly to 'Cameron County jail until bed space could be found for them at an Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center near Bayview' (Brownsville Herald). They'll stay in the graybar until they're deported.

PIG salutes U.S. Magistrate Judge Felix Recio for hanging tough on border jumping scumbag invaders. Thanks to Judge Ricio's inspiring example, Amerikans can see, first hand, that one determined man can make a difference.

The Enemy Among Us
Source: Michigan News Internet Site [06/04]

Jose Angel Gutierrez is proud to be leading the border jumping scumbag invasion that will - he believes - in a few short years, destroy what's left of the inalienable individual liberty that the founding fathers established in the U.S. Constitution. He's more than a racist, Amerika-hating "A-hole", he's a racist, Amerika-hating "A-hole" who swills from the taxpayer funded trough at a Mexas Ivory Tower.

For an earful of Jose's racist ranting, consider the following tidbit:

"The border remains a military zone. We remain a hunted people. Now you think you have a destiny to fulfill in the land that historically has been ours for forty thousand years. And we're a new Mestizo nation. And they want us to discuss civil rights. Civil rights. What law made by white men to oppress all of us of color, female and male. This is our homeland. We cannot - we will not - and we must not be made illegal in our own homeland.

We are not immigrants that came from another country to another country. We are migrants, free to travel the length and breadth of the Americas because we belong here. We are millions. We just have to survive. We have an aging white America. They are not making babies. They are dying. It's a matter of time. The explosion is in our population." Jose Angel Gutierrez, Prof. Univ. Texas at Arlington, founder La Raza Unida Party at UC Riverside (January 2001)

Within the past week or two, this Amerika-hating son-of-a-bitch was at it again, waving a swastika and raving about Mexifornia's action hero governor being a Nazi.

The primary reason this hero of "La Raza" is doing all this blithering in Amerika, is the thrilling fact that if he tried spouting off in Mexico about overthrowing the Mexican government he'd be a crime statistic in a heartbeat. PIG is tempted to promote this re-fried racist bastard to its Least Wanted list, but Professor Gutierrez is - first, last and always - not an Amerikan, but a founding citizen of that mythical Sombrero Stomping land, Aztlan.

Jose Angel Gutierrez is a dangerous man. He's a racist bastard who spends every waking moment trying to overthrow this country. PIG challenges its readers, especially those who live in Mexas and Mexifornia, with this question: How much longer are you going to let this racist asshat get away with this bovine excrement before you stand up and challenge him?

Cashing In On Deep Throat
Source: AP [06/02]

Based on the Felt family's money-grubbing antics in the wake of this week's revelation that the family patriarch, W. Mark Felt, is the legendary Deep Throat of Watergate infamy, it's obvious that the rotten apples didn't fall very far from the Felt family's tree. Although papa Felt is not the man he used to be, mentally, the family is sending up potentially-enriching trial balloons, in their zeal to cash in on daddy's "I stabbed Tricky Dick in the back" exploits:

Some Felt family members offered to sell family photos to the highest bidder.

'...Felt's daughter, Joan, who persuaded her 91-year-old father to go public as "Deep Throat," lamented that the Post's Bob Woodward would get all the credit - and profit - if Felt went to the grave with his secret. "We could make at least enough money to pay some bills like the debt I've run up for the kids' education," she told Felt, according to the article. "Let's do it for the family."...' (AP)

The fly in the Felt family's money grubbing ointment involves papa Felt's degraded mental condition. Unless they can convince a publisher, boob tube producer or film studio that papa has a compelling story to tell, there won't be a big Felt family payday. A publishing company executive named Peter Osnos, explained the fun facts this way:

"The big issue is, did Felt keep notes or a diary? Did he tell anybody or record anything in advance? The impression that you have now is a very old and frail man. If there is no written record, what you may have is the family scrambling around looking for something to say." (AP)

Adding to the Felt family's 'day late and several dollars short' dilemma is the breaking news that Bob Woodward has his own Deep Throat book on the publishing fast track at Simon & Schuster. Additionally, the family would need Woodward and Bernstein's 'okey dokey' if they want access to the pair's Deep Throat/Watergate notes. It must really suck to be a greedy Felt family cretin right now, with all the money out there for the taking and no way to get it.

Afterthought:
For those who give a rip, PIG News has this to say about W. Mark Felt and his antics:

A Giraffe's neck is a "Deep Throat"
W. Mark Felt is a back-stabbing, stool pigeon, rat bastard.

This subject is now closed. End. Of. Discussion.

Minuteman Project Targets Mexas
Source: Washington Times [06/02]

With the Minuteman Project gearing up to patrol the Mexas-Mexico border this October, certain Mexas hacks are demanding that Mexas Governor Rick Perry do something to stop them. The primary border jumping scumbag-coddling whiner is Mexas State Senator Juan Hinojosa, a dude who is so distressed over the Minuteman Project that he perpetrated a resolution in the state legislature:

'...[Senator Juan's resolution blithers] that Texas border communities rely heavily on tourism, commerce and the free flow of legal cross-border traffic to help support local economies and that the Minuteman patrols could "impede the traffic and negatively affect both tourism and trade along the border."...' (Times)

It's a damn shame that this Mexas meathead lacks the nads to say what he really means: "How can my border jumping Mexican homeboys invade Amerika when these Minuteman Gringos are watching every move they make?" No matter how he phrased his border jumping scumbag coddling huffing and puffing, Senator Hinojosa's whining is falling on deaf governor's office ears. A man who appears to understand the law of the land, Governor Perry shot down Juan's notion, reminding him that 'no elected official has the authority to prevent "law abiding citizens from traveling to and fro within the state"...' (Times). It's comforting to learn that W's successor in the Mexas governor's office understands that Mexas is still part of the United States of America and not Mexico.

A New Jersey State Assemblyman, Craig Stanley, is borderline 'postal' because the state's National Hockey League team is named the New Jersey Devils. Believe it or not, Mr. Stanley - a Baptist deacon in his 'spare' time - is okay with the New Jersey part, but more than a tad irked by "Devils". That's why this pious peabrain perpetrated some legicrap - a resolution - that insists the team change its name to something that won't inflame his egregiously fragile psyche. If all goes according to plan, a new name would be selected in a statewide competition.

"I've always cringed when people say they're going to see the Devils. The merchandise, the paraphernalia is based on the actual demonic devil. Personally, it causes a little bit of an issue with me." (Craig Stanley as quoted by AP)

The Devils' CEO, Lou Lamoriello, responded with a virtual "Bite me, legicrat punk." when he stated, unequivocally, that "the Devils name will never change". He pointed out, quite sagaciously, that the state legislature should be solving the state's real problems, instead of tilting this name change windmill. Curiously, CEO Lamoriello didn't see fit to mention the fun fact that the team's name is irrelevant as long as the NHL is embroiled in a nasty strike that shows no signs of reaching a settlement in the foreseeable future.

This Jersey tempest in a teapot's ultimate irony is this goodie: the name 'Devils' has nothing to do with Cross Cultism or Old Ka-Boom's legendary nemesis. In fact, the "Devil" that spawned the name are the mythical Jersey Devil, a critter with 'bat-like wings, a forked tail and oversize claws'. And now, you really do know the rest of the story.

Mexas Bill Targets Obesity Lawsuits
Source: Houston Chronicle [05/26]

Mexas State Senator John Carona took a giant step towards restoring his state's tarnished reputation with a so-called "Cheeseburger Bill" that would stop hippo-size Lone Star State denizens from blaming their favorite restaurant or food manufacturer for their plus-size physique. In his own, immortal words, State Senator Carona explains it this way:

"You as an individual make your own choices, and it's not the restaurants' responsibility how you choose to eat. This just places responsibility where it belongs...Most of us weigh more than we should, myself included, and we need to recognize that all across America, our lifestyles and our choices have consequences." (Houston Chronicle)

The PIG News team is encouraged to learn that there are still a few rational adults in the Mexas legislature. For boldly promoting individual accountability...For daring to swim against the Obesity Lawsuit tide, PIG News salutes State Senator Carona. We are suitably impressed. It's "go figure" time here in the top secret PIG News bunker.

Award Winning Nanny State Lunacy
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [05/24]

The nifty new laser-based warning system that NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) deployed around our nation's capitol to warn pilots that they're entering restricted airspace looks good on paper. There's just one pesky detail that nobody wants to discuss: the warning lasers don't work on cloudy days when a plane flies above the cloud cover. Making this a classic Nanny State 'D'oh', there's the fun fact that D.C. has cloudy skies nearly half of the time: 'clouds covered at lest 88 percent of the sky over Reagan Washington National Airport for 162 days last year according to the National Climatic Data Center' (Post-Intelligencer).

How much, you ask, did this boondoggle cost? Not that much, by egregiously inflated government spending standards. According to the Post-Intelligencer NORAD won't discuss the system's price, but NORAD officals admit that each of the laser sets costs $500,000 and alert observers have spotted at least two of them.

Them's Fighting Words
Source: AP [05/23]

An Elephant Clan congressman from Alabama, Rep. Spencer Bachus, wants so-called comedian Bill Maher charged with treason, after Bill spouted off about military recruiting on a May 13th episode of HBO's 'Real Time'. According to the AP story, Maher helped Representative Bachus reach escape velocity when Maher prattled:

'...[On the show, Maher quipped that] the Army missed its recruiting goal by 42 percent in April. "More people joined the Michael Jackson fan club. We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies."...' (AP)

Although his spewed drivel about the 't' word (treason), Bachus would settle for Bill Maher to be banished from the boob tube. Apparently we all missed the fine, First Amendment, print that specifically exempts Bill Maher from free speech protection. Learn something new every damn day.

Afterthoughts:
What is a properly pious Elephant Clan congressman doing watching anything as subversive as HBO? Don't they get the PTL Network in Talibanma? We're shocked, shocked, I tell you.

A Chilling Report From the Border Jumping Scumbag Invasion Front Lines
Source: Washington Times [05/23]

After sending a team to investigate, first hand, the situation on our southern border, the Congressional Immigration Reform Caucus issued a 33-page report. Here are some stop the presses passages highlighted by the Washington Times:

"The tide of illegal crossings on the borders of the United States is beyond unsatisfactory; it is catastrophic. It does not ebb and flow — it only grows. It is rising without measure and eroding the very fiber of our safety, life and culture. As we wage the war on terror in foreign lands, we have all our doors and windows open at home. ... The insanity of such a policy, or silent toleration of such a policy is almost criminal in itself," it said. "The Minuteman Project demonstrated that illegal immigration on America's southern border can be dramatically reduced to manageable levels."

"The Border Patrol needs new direction from the Department of Homeland Security if it is to shake off the lethargy from years of undermanned frustration. The patrol needs to empower its outstanding field officers to act as necessary to accomplish the patrol's mission ... to energize its leadership to think outside the box."

"The primary impetus to stimulate the Minuteman Project is a border out of control; not for months, not for years, not just since September 11, but for many, many years. Social and legal costs and cultural cohesion far outweigh supposed economic benefit. At a time of terror threat, the cost of irresponsibly unsecured borders can be horrific."

The primary recommendation coming from the Congressional Immigration Reform Caucus involves deploying 36,000 National Guard troops to our border with Mexico, right damn now. Among other things, the Caucus suggests that such troops could include members from State Militia units already formed in 22 states. A companion recommendation states that congress should provide the states $2.5 billion annually, to fund these deployments.

PIG salutes Colorado's Congressman Tom Tancredo and his 71 member Caucus for stepping up to the plate on Amerika's number one problem: our undefended borders.

Open Borders' Unintended Consequences
Source: World Net Daily [05/22]

"Americans should be told that diseases long eradicated in this country – tuberculosis, leprosy, polio, for example – and other extremely contagious diseases have been linked directly to illegals. For example, in 40 years, only 900 persons were afflicted by leprosy in the U.S.; in the past three years, more than 7,000 cases have been presented."

"This emerging crisis exposes the upside-down thinking of federal immigration policy. While legal immigrants must undergo health screening prior to entering the U.S., illegal immigrants far more likely to be carrying contagious diseases are crawling under that safeguard and going undetected until they infect extraordinary numbers of American residents." (Rep. J.D. Hayworth, R-Ariz. As quoted by the Business Journal of Phoenix.)

Open border pinheads refuse to confront the unintended, but demonstrable, price Amerikans pay as a result of diseased, border jumping scumbags invading our sovereign nation, un-goddamn- invited. Leprosy? Polio? Tuberculosis! Amerikans eradicated these diseases decades ago, but, now...thanks to W's refusal to defend our borders, Amerikan citizens are faced with the daunting task of tracking down and eradicating these blights all over again. Apparently, one "job that Amerikans won't do" involves spreading diseases that Amerikans already cured.

Add this to your Mt. Everest size pile of reasons we must secure our nation's border, right damn now!

Mowing Them Down In The Empire State
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [05/19]

Eleven year old Katie Brownell, the only wenchlet playing in the Oakfield-Alabama Little League (Oakfield, New York), wowed everybody when she pitched a perfect game during which she fanned all 18 batters that stepped up to the plate. In her first two pitching outings this year, she struck out 32 of the 33 batters that faced her. On top of that, she's batting a nifty .714 through her team's first three games. Impressive, very damn impressive.

Update:
Katie's next outing proved that she's merely mortal. The opposing team racked up 15 hits against her, but we're betting she'll shake it off and come back throwing strikes the next time she takes the mound.

Young Mexas Hero
Source: Houston Chronicle [05/18]

When he spotted the five year old brandishing an all too real gun outside Blanton Elementary School's cafeteria, an alert fifth grader recognized the danger, impounded the gun and took it to the principal. For once, Zero Tolerance didn't ensue, since all concerned agree that the 5 year old didn't have a clue about his dangerous stunt with a loaded gun.

Although school officials won't punish the tyke, the young gun toter's parents might get tagged by the cops for 'making a firearm accessible to a child'. Maybe a $500 fine will make them lock the damn thing up, for a change.

PIG salutes the unnamed fifth grader for his quick thinking in a very dangerous situation.

We'll Duh, Mexas Style
Source: Houston Chronicle [05/16]

German Rojas Moreno is missing and, for reasons we can't begin to explain, Houston's justice system officials are shocked, shocked I tell you. How, PIG News demands, can these justice officials be shocked that a Costa Rican native accused of molesting 5 boys at a St. Francis de Sales Catholic Church didn't show up for his initial court date, after posting a $60,000 bail bond? Did you really expect him to hang around to face the music? Grow the hell up.

Senor Moreno seems to be a very persuasive pervert who can talk the unwary into damn near anything. He started his pervert adventure by hanging out with the aforementioned Toll Booth's (pagan speak for a church) choir. That's where he recruited his victims by telling them, erroneously, that he was the church's choir director. That whopper worked so well with his victims, Senor Moreno used it to persuade Houston's justice officials that he deserved bail. Now, he's long gone and the smart money says he's back in Costa Rica where he'll prove very elusive indeed.

He's an accused child molester. He's from Costa Rica. Why am I the only one who isn't shocked that this clown didn't show up for his initial court appearance? Why didn't some-goddamn-body in the Mexas justice system think this pervert might be a flight risk? What the hell are these Lone Star State nitwits smoking? It's Enquiring Minds time, again, in PIG's top secret bunker.

A Well Duh Epic
Source: AP [05/12]

Christine John is shocked, shocked, I tell you that she got fired from her new job for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Her employer, Village Seventh-day Adventist Elementary School, decided that they could forgo the services of a first grade teacher who is 4 months urped after only 2 months of wedded bliss. The bad news is that she violated the school's - and the supernaturalist cabal's - ban on premarital sex. The good news is that they'll put her on paid leave for the duration of her contract.

Christine is making noises about a lawsuit, but that doesn't pass this pagan scribbler's smell test. Did she really expect to flout her employer's beliefs so brazenly and get away with it? Be a 'man' about it, darlin. You did this to yourself.

When The Truth Hurts, Sue Somebody
Source: Houston Chronicle [05/11]

Seminole Country (Florida) Republican Chairman, Jim Stelling, went shyster bonkers when Nancy Groettman - a former county GOP executive committee member - pointed out that Jim "I believe in family values" Stelling was unsuited for the state's highest GOP post, because he'd been married 6 times. Like all well planned hit pieces, Ms. Groettman's letter went out to party executives mere days before the 2003 election, a fun fact that helped Jimmy lose a narrow, hard fought, election to his rival Carole Jean Jordan. Being that kind of dude, Jimmy sued Ms. Groettman.

This 6 marriage stuff is all a dirty lie, Jim insisted during this week's trial, pointing out that he's only been down the marital aisle 5 times. Ms. Groettman has an answer for that, too: '...Five wives or six, when the number gets that high, does being off by one really matter?...' (Chronicle). That sounds right to this pagan scribbler, but a Florida black-robe, Circuit Judge Clayton Simmons is the one empowered to give the final answer on any damages incurred by Jimmy boy.

Another Day, Another Dobson Hissy Fit
Source: World Net Daily [05/11]

Focus on the Family's top dog, Dr. James Dobson, went postal, during an interview with his brother in Puritanism, the American Family Association's top mutt, Don Wildmon. What, you ask, set Dr. D. off this time around? Did he find some dastardly bun ranger lurking in the pachyderm woodpile? Not exactly, but you're getting warm. What has his family values panties in a bunch is an alleged filibuster preserving deal former Senate Leader Trent Lott wants to cut with the Donkey Clan.

'..."I don't remember being so disgusted and alarmed by what I just had confirmed in the Senate as I am now," Dobson said. "Senator Trent Lott is about to sabotage Majority Leader Frist and cut a separate deal with the Democrats to preserve the filibuster of judges."...' (WND)

According to Dr. D., the deal allows votes on 4 of the 10 filibustered judicial nominees, but maintains the prevailing filibuster rules. Also, the Donkey Clan promises it won't filibuster Supreme Court nominees, except in "extreme circumstances". In this case, Dobson is justified when he smells a fat Donkey Clan rat. Will the pachyderm punks get suckered by the Donkey Clan again? Stay tuned.

Bad Blood In Arizona
Source: World Net Daily [05/08]

A certain Arizona-based Border Patrol official is so irate over the highly successful Minuteman Project that he banned a newspaper man - Arizona Tumbleweed publisher and co-founder of the Minuteman Project, Chris Simcox - from attending a press conference with Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. If you're looking for a culprit here, the buck seems to stop at Border Patrol Tucson Sector Chief Michael Nicely's desk.

'...Simcox said he was told Border Patrol Tucson Sector Chief Michael Nicley said he could not attend the press conference Thursday, but was given no reason. Simcox said he was told to call Nicley for the reason he was denied access, but, as of Friday, he had not returned several phone calls...' (WND)

Sector Chief Nicely needs to pull his head out of his bureaucratic ass and pay more attention to the job Amerikan taxpayers pay him to do. It's a damn shame that Michael Nicely isn't as diligent about keeping scumbags from invading the USA, as he is about keeping his nemesis, Chris, from Border Patrol news conferences. If Sector Chief Nicely did his job properly, Chris Simcox wouldn't need to take time out from his fishwrap to patrol our undefended borders.

PIG has bad news and good news for Sector Chief Nicely. The bad news is that you're a petty bureaucratic tyrant who needs to be fired, right goddamn now. The good news is that you just aced this week's Girlie Man of The Week Sweepstakes.

High Tech Detective Work
Source: News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) [05/07]

Raleigh (North Carolina) denizen, Ross Merle, got 'hot' when some sticky fingered asshat stole a white utility trailer filled with his music gear, making off with his seven year old son's BMX bike, in the process. Determined to track down the larcenous asshat, Ross scoured all the pawnshops in Raleigh and neighboring towns, without success. Desperate, he remembered a story about some stolen gear peddled on eBay, prompting Ross to go high tech sleuthing on the information super highway.

Since his stolen speakers were very distinctive, Ross made them the focus of his search, and his search paid off:

'...Lo and behold, two sellers, one in the Midwest and one in North Carolina, had similar speakers, Merle said. He looked more closely at the Tar Heel seller and stumbled across a photo of one of his subwoofers Sunday night. That night, shortly after 10:30 p.m., Merle fired off an e-mail message to a sheriff's detective. "When they stole the trailer on April 15, the subwoofers were secured to a dolly by [bungee] cords," Merle wrote. "The [bungee] cords were wrapped around the side handles of the subwoofer almost exactly like the picture shows."...' (News & Observer)

Far from finished, Ross used Internet resources to track down the seller to a phone number and address in Garner (North Carolina). After Ross gave this new info to the cops, the proper authorities didn't move quickly enough, so Ross decided to prevent a sale of his stolen property by making a bid on it himself. Eventually he set up a meet so he could 'look the stuff over'. With the meeting set, he notified the cops that he'd recover his property himself, if they didn't do some-damn-thing. Thus motivated, the men in blue meet with the seller, bagged the stolen goods and the asshat who tried to sell them.

At press time, the BMX bike is still at large, but fear not, Ross is hot on its trail.

Cape Coral's Visit To Bad Publicity Hell
Source: News-Press (Florida) [05/05]

A Cape Coral (Florida) job for life minion set off a firestorm of hostile verbiage when the city payroll cretin removed the signs and ribbons Kelly Smith put up to welcome her daughter back from Iraq. Needless to say, when the news got out, there was hell to pay. The backlash got rolling as soon as Matt Drudge posted the story on his site, generating a staggering 300,000 hits on the News-Press web site. Outraged over the ribbon removal, Amerikans flooded Cape Coral's officials with venomous e-mail messages.

Reverting to that hack in hot water mainstay, Cape Coral started spouting patriotic, damage control hyperbole.

'...Mayor Eric Feichthaler answered the angry e-mails with an explanation. "The actions that occurred on Tuesday were not a malicious attempt to dishonor or slight a local soldier, whose service we admire and appreciate beyond what words can express."...' (News-Press)

Leaving nothing to chance, the mayor plans to read a proclamation honoring the city's returning veteran at the next city council meeting.

Arizona Emerilizes Their Illegal Immigration Fight
Source: Arizona Daily Sun [05/04]

A law making its way through Arizona's state legislature paints a bull's-eye on employers who "knowingly" hire border jumping workers. The state Senate just passed HB 2030 with the following illegal immigration-related provisions:

'...Loss of a state license to do business for six months for first time violations; revocation for subsequent offenses.
Denial of state tax credits and deductions.
Audit of company records by state Department of Revenue.
Higher unemployment insurance premiums.
Disqualification from bidding on state contracts.
Civil penalties payable to the state for the cost of providing emergency health care for each person hired.
$1,000 fine for each employee with funds used to activate National Guard within 20 miles of the border.
Public listing on Industrial Commission web site and issuance of press release...' (Daily Sun)

That primal scream you just heard emanates from Arizona's Chamber of Commerce, so what else is new. PIG News salutes Arizona's legicrats for targeting the employers who exacerbate this war against the border jumping invaders. It's about time they got nailed for willfully flouting this nation's laws. As usual, PIG will bring you updates on this story as they occur.

Innovative Tactics In New Hampshire
Source: Boston Globe [05/03]

Determined to get the federal immigration bureaucrats' undivided attention, New Ipswich Police Chief W. Garrett Chamberlain put New Hampshire's criminal trespassing law to work in Amerika's war on illegal immigration. When the ride belonging to a border jumper named Jorge Ramirez broke down, Chief Chamberlain assessed the clues - a Mexican driver's license and a Massachusetts photo I.D. that lacked the state seal - and concluded that Jorge was a border jumper. That's when the Chief put his bold new scheme into action.

He arrested Jorge for criminal trespassing because, as the state law decrees, Jorge knowingly entered New Hampshire when he was "not licensed or privileged to do so". After Jorge's conviction, Jorge was given three days to report to immigration authorities in Manchester (New Hampshire). No matter what Jorge decides to do, this innovative tactic sends an unmistakable message to all the border jumpers in Chief Chamberlain's domain. If he catches you, plan on being nailed for criminal trespassing. That sound you hear is the border jumping scumbag horde rushing to get the hell out of New Ipswich before the Chief bags them.

Will this new tactic, magically, solve the border jumping scumbag problem? Nope, but the Chief doesn't say that it should. He's doing what he can to get the feds' attention and it should work, given all the publicity his new tactic generated. When it comes to his underlying motives, Chief Chamberlain wants what we all want:

"What I'm trying to do is find a manner in which we can get the federal government to step up to the plate and start helping out here. It's basically a situation here where right now if you make it past the border patrol, you're free and clear. There's no interior enforcement for illegal immigration in the United States. What I'm hoping to do is find a way that if the feds aren't going to help us out, then local enforcement can take care of it." (Chief Chamberlain as quote by the Boston Globe)

PIG News salutes Chief Chamberlain for doing what he can to repel the border jumping scumbag invasion.

If Minneapolis' police chief gets his way, the city's panhandlers are on a collision course with the city's job for life bureaucrats. Chief William McManus wants the city council to mandate that, henceforth the city's panhandlers must register with the city, have their mugshot taken, then wear a 'certified city panhandler' badge while they're plying their trade. Failure to comply would result in a 30 day graybar vacation, plus a fine. Bold new concept.

It might surprise alert readers that this I.D. for panhandler's scheme is SOP in Cincinnati, Dallas and Greensboro (North Carolina). It won't shock anybody when I tell you that the ACLU is challenging these laws wherever they're enacted. There's nothing new under the sun? You better believe it, regulate them into submission Sparky.

Them Damn City Slickers
Source: Lexington Herald-Leader [04/27]

From our "it seemed like a good idea at the time" desk we have the action-packed saga of Pikeville's (Kentucky) close encounter with city slicker cable networks. When the producers for A & E's "City Confidential" show approached Pikeville authorities about doing an episode detailing the murders perpetrated by a group of Pikeville occultists, the city believed the city slickers' promise to 'portray the city positively' and gave A&E an enthusiastic okey dokey.

Dazzled by the prospect of being featured on the tube, nobody in Pikeville saw the dark clouds looming on that distant, city slicker horizon, at the time. That's why the March 26 broadcast came as a nasty reality check when, despite the 'we'll do right by you' fertilizer spread by the show's producers, "City Confidential" served up Pikeville 'as a hillbilly haven'. According to Pikeville's city manager, Donovan Blackburn, the requisite "City Confidential" hatchet job started with the opening sequence and continued, unabated, throughout the show:

"You start the piece by showing a rebel flag on Julius Avenue, an overweight man without a shirt smoking a cigarette and an old pickup with a few women in the back. As I am sure you would agree, you can go to almost any city in America and find the same." (Lexington Herald-Leader)

City Manager Blackburn wrote a letter to the city slickers demanding an apology, insisting that the show's 'hillbilly haven' theme, unfairly, cast aspersions on Pikeville. He's entitled to his opinion, and I understand the impulse to defend your hometown. If you're hearing a pagan scribbler 'however', give yourself a cookie. As luck would have it, I know somebody who grew up within spitting distance of Pikeville. Contradicting Mr. Blackburn's assertions, my expert reports that Pikeville is populated by hicks whose backwardness gives the venerable label 'hillbilly' a bad name.

Afterthought
City Manager Blackburn's quote about 'almost any city in America' is close, but not exactly accurate in its particulars. Here in Mexifornia, the flags are more likely to be a Mexican rather than a 'rebel'. The shirtless fat guy is, instead a female human hippo in stretch pants. Also, instead of an old pickup with women in the back, you'll see a vintage station wagon filled with garage sale seeking Colonista's who have a battered sofa strapped to the top of the car.

Microsoft's GLAAD BAAG Angst
Source: Seattle Times [04/23]

The primary problem with being the only 800 pound gorilla in the room is that if you start doing anything - however small - differently, everybody is likely to notice. Billy Gate's software juggernaut found this out the hard way, this week, when they were blamed for the one vote loss of a bill that would confer Nanny State anti-discrimination protection on the differently-sexual. The results were barely tabulated in Washington's state legislature when the usual suspects started to target Billy Gates and his Microsoft homeboys for the bill's failure. It's "even billionaires get the blues" time in Billy Gatesville.

If you don't see any connection between Microsoft and this bill, cool your jets because PIG News is all over it. For starters, in bygone years, Microsoft was invariably a very vocal supporter of such things, so it raised a few eyebrows when they reminded 'neutral' this time around. Why the change? According to certain Korrectnik whiners, Microsoft got wobbly after a certain Cross Cultist fired a rhetorical shot across their bow:

'...Ken Hutcherson, pastor of Redmond's 3,500-member Antioch Bible Church, said Thursday that he met with Microsoft officials earlier this year and threatened a national boycott of the company if it did not withdraw its support of the bill...' (Times)

When the bovine excrement started to hit the proverbial fan, Microsoft spokesholes began a defensive action. "We're focusing our lobbying efforts on such core issues as transportation, computer privacy and business competitiveness". Nice try dudes, but that dog won't hunt. That might explain why the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center demands that Billy and his homeboys to return the "corporate vision" award the group gave Microsoft in 2001. The Human Rights Campaign is equally bummed with Billy so they sent them a letter 'expressing their disappointment with the company' (Times). It's circle the wagons time, again, in Billy Gates computer cabal.

The smart money opines that the red state punks can do more harm to Billy's bottom line than the GLAAD BAAGs, so don't hold your breath waiting for Billy to perpetrate a public mea culpa. This alleged wisdom is flawed, at best, since it's damn near impossible to avoid filling Microsoft's coffers when you own or operate a computer. The important thing here isn't what's real, or even what the rational adult thinks. All that really matters is what Billy Gates believes and he, apparently, buys into this 'I don't dare piss off the red state denizens' whopper spewed by the Rev. Hutcherson.

Since this pagan is always thrilled when anything - however minor - nails Billy and his firm, don't hold your breath waiting for this pagan to give a damn about Microsoft's public image problems.

PETA Punks Take One On The Chin
Source: Sacramento Bee [04/21]

Mexifornia's Supreme Court nuked a PETA punk lawsuit this week, when it shot down the critter cuddling cabal's blithering that a popular California Milk Advertising Board advertising campaign is false and misleading. The fun started in 2002, when PETA went shyster bonkers over the highly popular ads that showcase 'happy' Mexifornia cows:

'...The ads show cows grazing in green pastures with the slogan, "Great cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows come from California." The animal rights group said it may never be known whether cows are happy, but said cows live in deplorable conditions, are repeatedly milked and impregnated before being slaughtered...' (Bee)

The state's highest court upheld a lower court ruling that gave the Milk Advisory Board immunity from false advertising lawsuits since it's a state agency. Game over, PETA punks.

PIG has nothing to say to PETA at this time, but a certain Mexifornia bovine hottie who wishes to remain nameless has this message for the PETA Punks: "Moo".

Amerikan News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [04/20]

Rockport, Massachusetts
After 150, thirsty Rockport denizens just reclaimed the inalienable right to enjoy an adult beverage with their dinner while dining in one of the city's restaurants. Liquor stores and bars continue to be banned but a brewskie with your lobster is now a viable option. That's gotta earn a heartfelt "bottoms up" amen from the congregation.

Pennsylvania
A certain Theocon stalwart, Senator Rick Santorum, needs to stop promoting his supernaturalism and pay more attention to his re-election prospects, if a just released poll is any indication. Trailing his Donkey Clan rival by a hefty 14-points, Senator Santorum needs to start mending those political fences stat, unless he wants to become Theocon emeritus Santorum.

I know what you're thinking and you're probably right. The election is still a year or more away, and it's much too early in the game for meaningful polling results. File this one under 'wait and see' in your PIG News archives.

Justifiable Caricide
Source: AP [04/20]

Fed up with decade old ride's ubiquitous maladies, Florida denizen John Givney loaded his .380 semiautomatic shoot'in iron and pumped five, long overdue rounds into the engine compartment of his 1994 Chrysler LeBaron. PIG salutes John for "putting the car out of its misery" (AP), but, tragically, John's apartment complex neighbors weren't as amused by his antics as we are.

Summoned by John's humor-challenged neighbors, the men in blue arrested our hero for 'discharging a firearm in public'. We're pleased to report that John posted his $100 bail and, as far as we know, is actively seeking a more cooperative ride.

PIG salutes John for doing what every damn one of us has wanted to do, more than once. PIG feels your pain, John.

Hero Of The Week
Source: Danbury News-Times (Connecticut) [04/18]

"The federal government has an inability to do its job as it relates to immigration. The fact of the matter is that this is out of control. I recognize that we are a nation of immigrants. This is not about immigrants. This is about illegal immigration. There is a difference." Mayor Mark Boughton - Danbury, Connecticut

Danbury (Connecticut) Mayor Mark Boughton put it all on the line this week, when he 'called for state police officers to be deputized as immigration agents' (News-Times). The Mayor cited onerous financial burden impose by his city's 15,000 illegal immigrants and insisted that the state's law enforcement officials be empowered to help fight the border jumping scumbag invasion that's gradually impoverishing his city.

After attending a five week course taught by the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement bureaucrats, the state's deputized cops would return to their regular duties:

'...The officers don't necessarily look for illegal immigrants, but when they find someone who seems to lack documentation, they can access a federal data base to see if the person is wanted for a crime. They can also issue a summons ordering a person to appear in federal immigration court...' (News-Times)

The usual border jumping scumbag coddlers are, as expected, far from thrilled spitless with Mayor Boughton, so what else is new? Which part of illegal immigrant don't they understand? All of it, apparently, so I'll explain it again. If you entered this country un-goddamn-invited, you're outta here, border jumping Sparky:

"Huddled masses yearning to breath free must go to the end of the goddamn line and wait their turn. We'll throw your sorry ass out, if you sneak across our border, colonize our cities and play parasite bingo on the Amerikan citizen's dime. No excuses, no exceptions, don't even ask." The PIG Doctrine

Minutemen Clones
Source: Washington Times [04/16]

Although the Minuteman Project is winding down, civilian patrols on our borders won't disappear with them. In fact, thanks to their success, several more groups are organizing to perform this essential task that our government refuses to perform. This is one job that Amerikan's are ready, willing and very able to do for themselves.

'...[The Yuma Patriots begin operations today (April 16)] along the U.S.-Mexico border south of Yuma, Ariz., to curb rising numbers of illegal aliens flooding into southwestern Arizona...'

'...Other new civilian patrols, not affiliated with the Minuteman Project, are preparing to be up and running over the next several months in California, New Mexico and Texas. Officials familiar with the California effort believe volunteers will be patrolling the border in San Ysidro, Calif., by June...' (Washington Times)

W and his daddy, Vicente, can blither about 'vigilantes' until they're blue in the face, but it won't stop patriotic Amerikans from doing what they can to stem the border jumping scumbag tide that's turning the land of the free into a third world cesspool. This PIG scribbler salutes the Minutemen Project, and those who follow in those trail-blazing footsteps, for taking the time to do a job that needs doing.

Afterthoughts:
The Minuteman Project isn't folding its tents for good. They're already gearing up for future adventures on the border jumping scumbag invasion front lines. In addition to setting up more border watching projects in the coming months, Minuteman Project organizers are ready to take their battle with illegal immigration to the next level. Among other things, they're in the planning stages of a skirmish with the Amerikan firms that hire the border jumping scumbag horde.

PIG News promises to keep you up to date on all the Minuteman Project fun facts.

Stepping Up To The Plate On Illegal Immigration
Source: Washington Times [04/14]

Amerika's fight to secure it's borders gained an unexpected ally this week, when embattled Congressman Tom DeLay sounded off on the border jumping scumbag invasion during an in depth interview with the Washington Times.

'...Mr. DeLay said the House will insist that the emergency supplemental spending bill for the war on terror restrict illegal immigrants' ability to obtain driver's licenses and limit asylum claims, despite calls by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, Tennessee Republican, and Minority Leader Harry Reid, Nevada Democrat, to drop those provisions from the bill. "The House has stated its position, and the House is going to stand by its position."...'

'...Mr. DeLay said the Senate risks legislative gridlock if it omits the House provisions. "We don't need to drop it in the conference report. This is too important for the American people. We need a national debate about this, and we're going to have that national debate."...'

DeLay on the Minuteman Project volunteers whom W called vigilantes:

"I'm not sure the president meant that. I think that they're providing an excellent service. It's no different than neighborhood-watch programs, and I appreciate them doing it, as long as they can do it safely and don't get involved and do it the way they seem to be doing it, and that's just identifying people for the Border Patrol to come pick up."

DeLay on A Guest Worker Program:

"Ultimately, we need to enforce our laws. The American people need to see us protect our borders and enforce our laws. Then, they'll be willing to talk about a guest-worker program."

'...Mr. DeLay favors a guest-worker program that would require those already here illegally to return home before applying and that would not allow workers to bring their families here...'

This week, Amerika's battle to secure its borders gained a powerful, utterly essential, ally. PIG salutes Congressman Tom DeLay for stepping up to the plate on the border jumping scumbag invasion.

Border Jumping Scumbag Invasion
Source: New Max [04/13]

The on-going, border jumping scumbag invasion is degrading our military preparedness and endangering the lives of our men in women in uniform but not the way you think. Our undefended borders, in addition to being a red carpet invitation to terrorists, also allows the border jumping scumbag sludge to interfere with the live fire training that our military undertakes before they are deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan and/or other hot spots.

Marine Corps Air Station (Yuma, Arizona)
'...since July 2004, the training range has been shut down more than 500 times because of immigrants spotted on the range, causing a loss of more than 1,100 training hours...' (News Max)

Army Yuma Proving Grounds (Arizona)
"The smugglers just drive them up the highway and dump them off, and these illegal immigrants stumble right onto our testing range," said Chuck Wullenjohn, spokesman for the Yuma Proving Ground, one of the largest military installations in the Western world which constantly conducts tests for ground forces on artillery and ammunition, including tank rounds, mines, mortars, and helicopter guns..." (News Max)

U.S. Air Force Bombing Range (Gila Bend, Arizona)
'...[The U.S. Air Force] had to interrupt exercises with F-16 pilots after undocumented immigrants were spotted on a bombing range east of Gila Bend, north of the border. "In 2004 we suspended range operations 55 times for a net loss of 122 hours," said Jim Uken, director of the 56th Fighter Wing range management office...' (News Max)

The lives of our men and women in uniform are much to precious to throw away, because they couldn't get the live fire training they need to perform the difficult tasks we assign to them. If some border jumping scumbag gets his ass blown off because he, she, heshe or it entered our country - our military bases - un-goddamn invited, this pagan isn't going to lose any sleep over it. Maybe some collateral, illegal immigrant damage will make the next invader think twice before he, she, heshe or it sneaks across our border.

Renegad SUV Strikes In Florida
Source: South Florida Sun Sentinel [04/12]

According to the screaming Sun-Sentinel headline those renegade, SUV's are at it again:

"16-year-old skater struck, killed by SUV in Davie"

Proving how virulent this renegade SUV bovine excrement is in Amerikan fishwraps, we have this thrilling fact: the Sun-Sentinel doesn't even get around to mentioning the SUV's human companion until the story's third paragraph. That might be your idea of savory journalism, but it damn sure isn't ours.

Afterthoughts:
PIG demands that the feds do something to stop this renegade SUV epidemic. PIG demands martial law, from sea to shining sea, until every renegade SUV is rounded up and incarcerated. This is not a drill.

Immigration News Briefs
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [04/11]

Aiding and Abetting
Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo blew Vicente Fox's cover when Rep. Tancredo reported that the Mexican army is escorting border jumping scumbags, plus drug dealers, to border crossing areas outside the turf patrolled by The Minuteman Project.

"President Bush should publicly denounce Mexico's latest act to curb U.S. law The president of Mexico is threatening to sue any member of the Minutemen who have contact with a Mexican national, threatening to take the U.S. into the International Court of Justice at the Hague over the passage of Prop 200 in Arizona, and is providing transportation to Mexican nationals trying to sneak into the U.S. One could say he is acting in the best interest of his nation. Isn't it unfortunate we cannot say the same thing about President Bush?" (World Net Daily, emphasis added)

As usual, W continues to be Vicente's lapdog when it comes to leaving our nation's borders wide open for this border jumping scumbag invasion. Since Congressman Tancredo registers on W's radar, maybe he can fire the burning question at our myopic Oval Office denizen:

"Mister President: How many of the 500,000,000 chronically-needy parasites who live between the Rio Grande and Tierra Del Fuego get to move here, un-damn-invited, before you wake the hell up to the incontrovertible fact that unrestricted immigration is a goddamn problem?"

Mexas Pays a high price for W's Vicente coddling
According to the Census data released by FAIR (Federation of American Immigration Reform), W's refusal to do a damn thing about the ongoing border jumping scumbag invasion is costing his Mexas homeboys a staggering $4,700,000,000 in dead presidents a year for the taxpayer funded services that Mexas-dwelling, border jumping scumbags use/abuse.

When the taxes paid by border jumping scumbags is taken out, the net outlays in taxpayer funds is still an eye-popping $3.7 billion. In case someone asks at the trial, the taxpayer funded services used by border jumping scumbags includes - but is not limited to - educrap, heath services, and the state's police/criminal justice system.

If you want to read more about the border jumping scumbag invasion, consult PIG's new "Colonista" section for more of the sickening details.

Utah Town Goes Brewski Bonkers
Source: Salt Lake City Tribune [04/08]

Cedar Hills (Utah) is in a tizzy because the town's first supermarket, Smith's, will be selling adult beverages on Sunday. The town's predominantly Mormon denizens are so upset they're demanding that the town's elected hacks pass a law that prevents adult beverage purveyors from opening and/or selling hooch on the 'Lord's Day'.

Color this pagan scribbler confused, in the extreme. If, as this fishwrap's prose states, the town is overwhelmingly Mormon, this Sunday shutdown should be a non issue. The LDS church dictates that its members forego adult beverages and Sunday shopping. Given those fun facts - facts this pagan knows from his sojourn in Utah - this matter should sort itself out naturally, without an Nanny State antics. If the city's adult beverage purveyors - including the soon to be built Smith's store - doesn't sell sufficient hooch, they'll pull it from the shelves. The same is true where Sunday shopping is concerned. If the business isn't there to justify staying open on Sunday, they'll do the fiscally prudent thing and stay closed on 'the Lord's Day'.

Nobody is forcing Cedar Hill denizens to shop on Sunday or buy adult beverages, so why are they clamoring for a Nanny State solution where none is needed? If you don't know the answer to that question by now, you're not paying attention.

Rocky Mountain Highlights
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [04/04]

Did He Really Say...That?
Colorado Governor strayed onto the Korrectnik speech police radar at the a Western Governor's Association Summit on Indian gaming when he opined, "The natives are getting restless". A gaming expert who didn't want to be named painted this grim Korrectnik picture:

"I think he thought it was humorous, but everyone else in the room was like, 'Whoa. We need to send you back to political correctness camp" (Rocky Mountain News).

Is Amerika so hopelessly mired in Korrectness that "the natives are getting restless" is banned from sea to shining sea? The answer, I'm afraid to say is "apparently", but fear not loyal readers, the natives at PIG are very restless when it comes to eradicating this pernicious political correctness pestilence.

Colorado's Slow Poke Law
Thanks to a terminally-nifty law passed by Colorado legicrats, drivers who poke along in the fast lane on highways whose speed limit is 65mph or higher can, and will be, ticketed by the Colorado highway patrol. The left lane is for passing only, so if you block it, you'll be ticketed, fined, and get a hefty three points tacked onto your driving record.

This pagan scribbler gives heartfelt kudos to Colorado legicrats and begs them to give their Mexifornia counterparts a heads-up on their inspirational "Left Lane Law".

While browsing through the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, I stumbled over a headline that resets the bar for jaw dropping stupidity. The headline read - I am not making this up - "SUV sought by police after woman struck in Renton". Can alleged journalism sink any lower than this?

PIG envisions the following eyewitness interrogation:

Officer: "Can you describe the perpetrator?"
Witness: "Well...It was really big. I remember distinctly that it had four wheels and scads of doors and windows."
Officer: "Anything else?"
Witness: "Did I mention that it was really big?"

PIG thinks we need to demand that Homeland Security raise the threat level to deal with this epidemic of driverless, renegade SUV's that keep terrorizing innocent bystanders. Until this threat is neutralized, martial law is not out of the question.

PIG demands congressional hearings with all the top automakers, so we can track down the manufacturers of these renegade, oversize, conveyances then flog these guilty capitalist exploiters with a Ford Expedition antenna. No justice, no peace.

Amerikan News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/30]

Richmond, Theocratica (formerly known as Virginia)
Theocratica Governor Mark Warner, bowed to political reality - a veto proof majority that passed the bill in the state legislature - when he signed a bill that kicks border jumping scumbags off the gravy train throughout his state. The bill covers such state services as Medicaid, welfare and locally funded healthcare services.

'...The law, which takes effect Jan. 1, requires state and local governments to verify the legal presence of those seeking nonemergency public benefits. It applies only to aliens 19 and older. Illegals of any age still will be eligible for emergency aid, such as immunizations and pregnancy tests...'

'...To verify legal presence, government officials will require an applicant to provide the same immigration documents now needed to obtain a Virginia driver's license...' (Washington Times)

Kudo's to Theocratica legicrats for joining reality long enough to pass a bill this rational. Keep this up, and, in a decade or two, this pagan might consider restoring your state's rightful name.

Boca Raton...Deerfield Beach, Florida
Spring Break attracted a lot more than hyper hormonal college students to Florida's beaches this year. In addition to the usual bikini clad wenches and the terminally horny college punks who chase them, "hundreds of sharks" swarmed a mere 20 feet offshore. The party crashers aren't the fearsome critters popularized by the "Jaws" flicks, but the Blacktip and Spinner sharks are, at seven feet long, a far cry from your garden variety guppy.

The good news is that the critters are just passing through. The bad news is that they won't pass through fast enough to rescue spring break. That's why the relevant officials put the water off limits for humans, although they're quick to point out that the migrating sharks aren't a deadly threat to humans. When pressed, these know-it-alls admit that sharks do mistake human appendages for food and, occasionally, sample some homo sapien's foot or hand.

Odessa, Mexas
Government cess-schools that fight tooth and nail to evict evolution from their curricula, leave no stone unturned in their zeal to inject Cross Cult supernaturalism into the classroom. In Ector County (West Mexas) this supernaturalism involves a Bible-based class as an elective. The group spearheading the movement - National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools - insists that they're not trying to proselytize or promote Cross Cultism, but that doesn't pass this rational adult's smell test.

In a rational world the answer to Bible-based classes would be a resounding "Hell no!" But, this is Mexas, the state that spawned George W. Bush, a man who thinks he was elected to be El Presidente of Mexico. Given that, this scribbler predicts they'll be staging baptisms in the school lunchroom, and exorcisms in the moth-balled physics lab.

Austin, Mexas
Like every other red-blooded Lone Star State denizen, Mexas legicrats are deadly serious about their football. That's doubly true when it comes to college football, and therein lies a tale. Certain state legicrats are so fed up with college football's Bowl Championship Series that they're threatening to ban the state's college gridiron teams from participating in the BCS fiasco.

'...Under bills filed by Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, and Rep. Corbin Van Arsdale, R-Tomball, college football teams in Texas would be banned from playing in post-season championship games that are not part of a national playoff system. But the bills would expire before BCS bids go out in early December if four of a dozen states mentioned in the proposals don't adopt similar legislation...' (Houston Chronicle)

The 'dozen states' include: Talibanma, Arizona, Mexifornia, Florida, Georgia, Michigan, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Carolina and Washington. So far, only Mexifornia has a bill similar to the one proposed by Mexas. Will this revolt against the BCS spread or will those perpetrating this pernicious blight on college football use those deep BCS coffers to maintain the status quo? Only time will tell, but the BCS is worried enough to 'discuss' the bill with the relevant Mexas state legicrats.

Mexas Political Games
Source: Houston Chronicle [03/29]

Mexas's Elephant Clan Governor Rick Perry did the Mexas two-step all over a potential rival for the Governorship, when he bitch-slapped Elephant Clan Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson for her recent appearance with the dreaded Hillary Rodham Clinton. Eager to torpedo a contender for his office, Governor Perry made certain that all the 'right' people saw a videotape that featured Senators Clinton and Hutchinson in friendly, bipartisan joint appearance.

Following Governor Perry's lead, Senator Hutchinson ran a Rick Perry letter up the flagpole. The letter in question praised Comrade Hillary for her efforts to nationalize Amerikan healthcare in 1993:

'...Perry was state agriculture commissioner at the time, a position he had won in 1990 after switching from the Democratic to the Republican Party. "I think your efforts in trying to reform the nation's health care system are most commendable," Perry wrote. Perry asked Clinton to take special notice of the health care needs of farmers, ranchers and people in rural areas as she worked on trying to overhaul national health care. "Again, your efforts are worthy, and I hope you will remember this constituency as the task force progresses."...' (Chronicle)

Perry's minions are busy spinning the letter as proof that he's willing to work with the Donkey Clan. They're also quick to add that, now, their man condemns Hillarycare. Senator Hutchinson's minions are equally eager to point out that their gal hasn't even decided if she wants to oppose Perry. Stay tuned to PIG for all the thrilling, mud-slinging, political action as this Lone Star state melee heats up.

Amerikan News Briefs
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/28]

Altoona, Pennsylvania
When first cousins - Donald and Eleanore - fell in love and tried to get married, a Pennsylvania Judge didn't stand up and salute Cupid's errant arrow. Undeterred, the happy couple got hitched in nearby Maryland. Pennsylvania? Maryland? I thought this...stuff...only happened in Kin-Tucky.

PIG suspects that this isn't what Dr. James Dobson the rest of the "marriage is between one man and one woman" crowd mean when they spout off about traditional family values. All things considered, there's no point in asking for a rousing "Amen" from the congregation.

Honolulu, Hawaii
State Representative Rida Cabanilla boldly went where other hacks fear to follow, when he served up a resolution aimed at cutting the fat out of the state's government cess-schools. I know what you're thinking and, as usual, you're wrong. The fat in question is human lard, not tax dollars disappearing down the compulsory Educrap rathole.

'...The resolution calls for all public schoolteachers to weigh in every six months. The measure calls for the education and health departments to formulate an obesity standard and appropriate measures for teachers who cannot meet the standard...' (ABC)

As loony as this notion sounds, it merits this pagan's unwavering support, because the Educrats brought it on themselves when they started blithering about student obesity. "Practice what you preach" is alive and well in grass skirt country.

The Generous Change Machine Caper
Source: AP [03/25]

Last December, certain thrill seekers discovered that the best gambling odds at Bluff's Run Casino - Council Bluffs (Iowa) - weren't, as is usually the case, at the Blackjack tables or the video poker machines. For six action-packed hours last December 18, the best play in town was a certain change machine that handed out $100 dollar bills instead of $20s. Before casino management pulled the plug on this generous to a fault change machine, it put them a staggering $46,640 in the red. It's safe to assume that whatever casino officials said upon making this discovery it was considerably more colorful than Homer's all purpose "D'Oh".

Faster than a warp speed poker chip, Bluff's Run management tracked down, then promptly fired, the numerically-challenged employee - probably a government cess-schooled graduate - who couldn't tell the difference between a hundred dollar bill and a twenty, when she loaded the change machine. At the same time, using footage from those ubiquitous spy cameras, the casino tried, without success, to identify those lucky change machine winners, so they could recover their money. The numerically-challenged ex-employee is long gone, and so is the casino's money. Obviously, Bluff's Run Casino isn't up to speed on a venerable axiom that warns: You can't win 'em all.

Duck And Cover In Utah
Source: Provo Daily Herald (Utah) [03/25]

Pleasant Grove (Utah) denizens got a thrilling wake-up call Thursday morning when Utah Department of Transportation workers started shelling the town with a 105mm howitzer. The mid morning barrage started when a UDOT crew set up their field artillery piece to dislodge a potential avalanche in a canyon outside town. The first seven shots traveled 3,000 to 4,000 yards before landing in the targeted avalanche zone, but the eighth overshot the mark and detonated in a Pleasant Grove denizen's backyard, 6,000 yards beyond the target area. UDOT spokesdolts blame the 'accident' on the inadvertent use of a full power charge instead of the partial load normally used for avalanche control, but this pagan scribbler has his doubts. I mean it's Utah.

Utah denizens who live in or near the mountains should be on the alert for more errant rounds. If you hear a whistling sound, hit the deck, stat. On a related subject, PIG respectfully suggests that Utah change its official state motto to: INCOMING!!!

Bureaucrat Of The Week
Source: Sacramento Bee [03/22]

First County (Pennsylvania) Treasurer, Gary Felasco, is such a relentlessly fun guy that the whole county wants to fire his sorry butt, but he's proving very resilient. For starters, the county Treasurer hadn't paid his property tax for years, but that's just the beginning. The big time fun happened when a sharp-eyed news hound found Gary's county cell phone number on a Web site that promotes sex parties.

'...The local newspaper conducted a sting: They called the number at "Jeannie in the Bottle" and got directions from someone named Gary to an Ohio hotel where a swingers' party was advertised. Outside, they snapped a picture of Felasco's van...' (Bee)

That was a year ago, but, despite requests for his resignation by the county's three commissioners and the county prosecutor, our boy is still pulling down that $45,000 a year salary. The only way Gary can be dumped is through impeachment by the Legislature, but federal and state officials keep discouraging Gary's richly deserved transition to the state's unemployment rolls, until they complete their 'investigation'. First County is stuck with this assclown, and Gary is making the most of it. Determined to thumb his nose at those wanting him gone, Gary ditches work, regularly. Although he paid more than $8,000 in past due taxes, Gary insists that the whole situation is much more complicated than anyone realizes. No shit, Sherlock.

This is one instance where my lovely bride's all purpose solution works like gang busters: "Just shoot the bastard."

Immigration Fight Headed For D.C.
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/22]

Boom box talk show hosts from sea to shining sea are set to bring their listeners to the nation's capital, from April 23 thru April 28 for a "Hold Their Feet To the Fire - A National Drive for Immigration Reform". The host lineup includes San Diego based Roger Hedgecock, Gulag based Melanie Morgan, Hell-A's infamous John and Ken, plus at least a dozen others. I know what it looks like, but this isn't a talk show host invasion of the Beltway. It's a talk show listener campaign to make their outrage over our undefended borders heard on Capitol Hill:

'...These citizen lobbyists are paying their own way to Washington to lobby for immigration reform, explained Morgan of "The Lee Rogers and Melanie Morgan Show." Along with providing buttons and badges, Morgan and her crew will form people into teams and educate them on how to make effective presentations to congressional representatives...' (News Max)

The listeners will be issued lobbyist credentials, given a crash course in polite, political arm twisting, then turned loose on the congressional asshats who refuse to defend our nation from the border jumping scumbag invasion. This scheme is a political "Hail Mary" play and that's a no shit fact, but desperate times demand desperate measures. PIG wishes these citizen lobbyists good hunting on their trip to D.C.

Afterthought:
You'll notice that such notorious Karl Rove Kool-Aid drinks as Hannity, Ingraham, Limbaugh, Elder and Savage are nowhere to be seen. They give lip service to the protect our borders cause, but none of them has the nads to risk their "Friend of Karl" status by doing anything more meaningful than shake their heads and mutter, "tsk, tsk".

Somebody Better Pay, And You're It
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [03/16]

Determined to make someone pay, after their activist daughter got killed two years ago during a West Bank peace protest, an Olympia (Washington) couple launched a shyster assault against the guilty party with the deepest pockets. In addition to suing Israel, the Israeli Defense Ministry and Israeli Defense Forces, Rachel Corrie's parents sued - drum roll please - Caterpillar, Inc. Why? Deep pockets, of course. Plus, a Caterpillar bulldozer inflicted this untimely demise.

'...The suit against Caterpillar Inc. alleges that the company "violated international and state law by providing specially designed bulldozers to Israeli Defense Forces that it knew would be used to demolish homes and endanger civilians," according to a news release...' (Post-Intelligencer)

Shame on Caterpillar for failing to read their crystal balls correctly. We're shocked, shocked I tell you.

Assorted News Nibbles
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/15]

Butte, Montana
When a landmark watering hole - the 113 year old M&M Cigar Store - closed its doors, permanently, after the owner filed for bankruptcy in 2003, Montana denizens were understandably bummed. Fast forward to March, 2005 and the venerable adventure in capitalism is back in business, under new ownership. Proving that this watering hole isn't your garden variety adult beverage emporium, Montana's Governor, Brian Schweitzer, delivered the new owner's liquor license, personally, and used a pair of bolt cutters to cut that chain that kept M&M Cigar Store closed for two thirsty years.

PIG salutes Big Sky Country denizens for electing a Governor who knows a superb watering hole when it finds it.

Cypress Bay, Florida
A hormone gorilla - 18-year-old Andrew Perreault - strayed into the justice system's bull's-eye when he tried his hand at capitalism by selling marijuana-packed brownies outside his Cypress Bay High School's cafeteria. At $5 a pop, his mind-altering baked goods were hugely enriching, until the proper authorities black flagged his marketplace foray. If he's convicted, Andrew will have ample time to consider his next career move, since selling banned substances within 1,000 feet of a school carries a 15 years in the graybar and a $10,000 fine price tag.

Boston, Massachusetts
An independent engineer hired to check out the sieve-like, $14.6 billion dollar, tunnel beneath Boston Harbor laid some harsh reality on city hacks with his pessimistic assessment of the grandmother of all boondoggles, Boston's Big Dig. Cutting through all the hyperbole, Jack K. Lemley opined that he no longer vouches for the tunnels in the submerged sections of I-93.

'....[Lemley's latest report to the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority] said new information has surfaced that more than 40 large sections of tunnel wall contain construction defects and that fireproofing material has been damaged by leaks. He also wrote that project officials have blocked him from obtaining records and data related to the new problems. Lemley added that his change in position also was driven by the apparent lack of any formal plan by Big Dig officials to address the leak problems...' (Sacramento Bee)

Shoddy construction and bureaucratic stonewalling are par for the course when the government blows taxpayer money on a public transportation boondoggle. Unsafe at any speed? You better believe it, awarding contracts to the lowest bidder Sparky.

Jobs Amerikans Won't Do?
Source: AP [03/14]

Federal officials targeted the thugs - most of them border jumping scumbags - belonging to a notoriously violent gang, Mara Salvatrucha (MS-13) when they arrested a more than a 100 gang members in a nationwide crackdown. Headquartered in a noted illegal immigrant haven, Los Angeles, the gang is - according to 'classified' documents leaked by intelligence officials - tied to another notoriously violent group called al-Qaida. On the record, administration officials put MS-13 squarely, in al-Qaida's league:

'...Last month, former Homeland Security Deputy Secretary James Loy called MS-13 an emerging threat to the United States, referring to the gang and the al-Qaida terrorist organization in the same breath in testimony to Congress. Besides al-Qaida, Loy said, "We are seeing the emergence of other threatening groups and gangs like MS-13 that will also be destabilizing influences."...' (AP)

Since the MS-13 gang hails from El Salvador, not Mexico, there's an outside - one in a million - chance that W won't apologize for this crackdown when he meets with his lord and master, Vicente Fox, in Mexas. On second thought, I'm guessing that W will probably apologize anyway, because, when they aid and abet Osama's home boys, MS-13 is doing "a job that Amerikans won't do".

No Room At This Inn for You, Red State Sparky
Source: News Max [03/13]

The lefty capitalists who own Oregon's Ocean Haven Inn are so unthrilled that W won the election that they pulled in the "welcome" mat for those dastardly dolts whose votes kept him in the Oval Office for another 4 years. Determined to exact a measure of revenge, the Inn's web site specifically banned the following from their ecologically-minded establishment:

Pets, phones, television
Smokers
People who drive "hummers"
People who voted for Bush and his "environmentally destructive policies"

Things went swimmingly, until the sleuths at News Max stumbled over the Inn's W bashing prose and posted a story on their mega popular VRWC website. In a heartbeat Fox News Channel picked up on the story and called the Ocean Haven Inn for a comment. That's when these hard core lefties stole a page from the Surrender Monkey playbook and beat a hasty retreat. Faster than a speeding tree-hugger spit, the Ocean Haven Inn pulled the Bush bashing prose from their web site.

Final Fun Fact: Bush voters are no longer, explicitly, banned at the Ocean Haven Inn, but smokers and Hummer drivers are still deemed, ecologically, uncool for school.

Old Enough To Know Better In Indiana
Source: Indianapolis Star [03/12]

The Marion County (Indiana) deputy prosecutor who served as assistant chief of the sex crimes division got a whole new perspective on his work when he got canned this week for - we are not making this up - sending, unsolicited "romantic" e-mail to a certain irresistible, 16-year-old wenchlet. The state's newest unemployment statistic is, at age 53, old enough to know better, but the defrocked prosecutor, Jay Meisenhelder, swears his cosmically-bad judgement is, in the eyes of the law, street legal:

"I didn't really think about the ultimate appearance of this because it was a friendship, and I didn't realize that I was looking at this as anything other than a friendship, initially. I will just say that nothing I did was illegal. It was a completely nonsexual relationship." (Jay Meisenhelder as quoted by the Star)

And what, you ask, did he write to the wenchlet that got his ass fired? PIG is all over it:

'..."I'm 53-years-old, and believe me, I know what love is -- I know how it feels," Meisenhelder wrote. "I love you as I have only loved two other women in my life. I also know that my feelings are not going to change anytime soon."...' (Star)

As fun as this already is, it gets better. During one 'meeting' with this wenchlet enchantress, our married hero played all those familiar seduction in progress cards. After turning the lights down low and lighting some candles, he served her 'non-alcoholic Bananas Foster' while playing music from the "Phantom of the Opera". Nobody's fool, the wenchlet read the fool's twisted mind and demanded that he take her home, stat. His fate sealed he complied. It was, ironically, the only smart move he made during this career-ending fiasco.

Reclaiming Tribal Lands In New York
Source: South Florida Sun-Sentinel [03/12]

Empire State (New York) Siberian-Americans from the Onondaga tribe filed a federal lawsuit to reclaim 4,000 square miles of tribal lands that were stolen from them by the state of New York between 1788 and 1822. The land they want to recover stretches from the Pennsylvania to the Canadian border and includes puny cities like Syracuse, Binghamton and Watertown, not to mention the estimated 875,000 white eyes who live in the disputed area. If you live in this area, don't start packing your belongings, yet, but you might want to line up a moving van, just in case.

The Onondaga tribe isn't the first Siberian-American cabal to go down this road with the state of New York. In fact, they're the last tribe from the Iroquois Confederation to lay claim to tribal lands. Believe it or not, the state bit the bullet and settled with five other tribes that made similar claims, so the smart money is on the Siberian-Americans to emerge victorious. Why, you ask, would they do this? Do they want monetary damages, mass evictions, or rent from the white eyes? The answer in each case is "no".

This driving force behind this lawsuit is much more enriching than damages, evictions and rent payments. If you're smelling another Siberian-American casino, give yourself some buffalo jerky. That's right 'let it ride' fans - and we both know who you are - the 1,500 strong Onondaga tribe wants its cut of those enriching casino profits, just like the other five tribes that settled with the state. Since all these settlements require approval by the state legislature and congress by September 1, this 'we want our land back' drama is far from over. When something meaningful happens, PIG will pass along all the newsworthy tidbits. Until then, if you live in upstate New York, it can't hurt to start packing some non-essentials, just in case.

Korrectnik Insanity - Domestic Division
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/11]

Seattle, Washington
A charity that refunds teachers who spend their own money for student supplies announced a new, terminally Korrect policy that bans any and all refunds when the teacher does their shopping at Wal-Mart. The decades old charity, Washington Education Association, black flagged Wal-Mart purchases because these Arkansas based capitalists perpetrate "exploitive labor practices (that) have added to public assistance burdens in our state and across the nation" (Seattle Post Intelligencer). If you need a translation for the Korrectnik prose, PIG feels your pain: Wal-Mart goes to great lengths to keep its employees from unionizing.

The bad news for some teachers is that there are few suitable choices in certain areas of Washington. The good news is that this Korrectnik lunacy is a top contender for this PIG's Korrectnik Antic of the Week.

Palm Beach, Florida
The congenital morons running certain Palm Beach (Florida) malls bowed to secular pressure and banished the word "Easter" from their adventures in capitalism. Depending on the particular mall, the changes involve the following goodies:

"Easter Egg Hunts" are renamed "Egg Hunts"

One mall replaced the "Easter Bunny" with "Baxter the Bunny".

Another mall black flagged the "Easter Bunny" completely.

One mall went the extra mile and banished "Easter Eggs" completely, along with the "Easter Bunny"

Before you go Kool-Aid club bonkers and run off at the mouth about this egregious slight to an important Cross Cult holiday, take a deep breath, cool your jets and let a rational adult serve up some little known facts about the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs:

'...In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara [A.K.A. Oestra or Eastre] is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse them she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora...' (Ostara, by Micha F. Lindemans, Encyclopedia Mythica)

"Easter", the bunny and the eggs, are not now and never have been Cross Cult in any damn way. They are strictly pagan goodies that don't do anything more sinister than give kids an excuse to have a good time. These Florida Korrectniks need to pull their head out of their butts and let the young 'uns have their fun. Don't make me come over there.

Update - Utah's Driver's License Law Signed
Source: Sacramento Bee [03/09]

Utah Governor Jon Huntsman gave border jumping scumbags a painful reality check when he signed the law that yanks driver's licenses from the state's illegal aliens and replaces them with a much more restrictive goodie called the 'driving privilege card' (PIG News 03/03). This new law has several nifty features:

Under the new law, border jumping scumbags won't be able to use the new driving privilege card for official identification when boarding an airplane or trying to vote in Amerikan elections.

The driving privilege card must be renewed annually.

PIG confers kudos on Utah officials for joining the fight to stem the border jumping scumbag tide.

Comrade Hillary's Move Toward the 'Center'
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/09]

Comrade Hillary continues to redefine herself while she prepares for her inevitable Oval Office run. Unfurling the aspiring tyrant's favorite excuse - it's for the children - Comrade Hillary sounded off on the sex and violence that makes video games and assorted other entertainment fare so thrilling for concerned parents. Her solution involves prodding 'industry leaders to create a uniform ratings system that would warn parents about sex and violence in video games, television, and other forms of entertainment that children might be exposed to' (NY Times). The unspoken 'or else' is clear: clean up your act or Congress will hammer you with legicrap that will bankrupt you in a heartbeat.

This new plank in Comrade Hillary's presidential campaign platform fits nicely with her other moves toward the center. Among other things she's become less shrill about the following red state hot button issues: faith and prayer; abortion; gay marriage. Can Comrade Hillary fool enough voters to win the Oval Office derby? The answer is a distinctly disturbing: probably.

Bureaucratic B.S. On The Bayou
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/07]

"Government regulation is corrupt and corrupting."
Ayn Rand

A Federal District Court just gave Louisiana's florist licensing law Uncle Sam's seal of approval, allowing this Southern Fried liberty blight to make posy wranglers jump through numerous bureaucratic hoops before they're licensed florists. Believe it or not the licensing scam involves a written exam plus an exam during which the aspiring florist must create four floral arrangements in a four hour period. All this legalistic bovine excrement begs the obvious question: which state Legicrat did the Louisiana florist cabal payoff to keep their numbers artificially low and how much did this hack scumbag cost them?

The lone voice of reason in this fiasco is a lawyer for the libertarian law firm, the Institute for Justice, Clark Neily. Mr. Neily invokes the venerable marketplace as the sole arbiter of which floral arrangements are butt ugly and which ones are works of floral art. Mr. Neily understands that the only Louisiana taxpayers this Southern Fried example of government mandated winners and losers benefits are the licensed florists who keep their membership numbers artificially low by pumping money into those bottomless hack pockets. That's why he plans to take this case to the next judicial rung at the Fifth U.S. Court of Appeals.

This pagan scribbler salutes Mr. Neily for his determination to eradicate this asinine law. If anything breaks on this case, PIG News will bring you all the newsworthy details.

A Taxing Experience
Source: News Journal (Central Ohio fishwrap) [03/05]

Mansfield (Ohio) denizen, Markeeta Gould, thought she'd strayed into the Twilight Zone when the men in blue showed up at her door with a warrant for her arrest, because, she owed the city 96 cents in income taxes from 2001. That's right 96 cents. For those who obsess on such petty details, her total income in 2001 was $55, from which the city demanded its cut.

Stung by all the news coverage this incident generated, Mansfield Tax Nazis insist that it's the principle, not the amount owed, that's important. Furthermore, they're eager to cite all the time - they conveniently ignore the taxpayer money they frittered away to collect a paltry 96 cents - they expended in their relentless efforts to collect their tax windfall. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" sums it up, perfectly. All this bureaucratic blithering misses the central point: a city tax on income is an obscenity in and of itself.

Pledge Protest Falls Flat In Colorado
Source: ABC (Denver Boob Tube) [03/03]

When an Estes Park (Colorado) Trustee, David Habecker, refused to stand and recite the pledge at the Town Board meetings he didn't thrill the local populace spitless. Trustee Habecker's antics stirred up such a hornet's nest that a Town Meeting is scheduled to set a date for a 'recall the pledge protester' election, a process that could terminated Dave's 12 year stint on the Town Board. If you can't guess that his pledge protest centers on the words "under God", you're probably in a coma.

"I do not believe that this book [the bible, no doubt], that this God [Old Ka-Boom], that this country is under that God. I believe the framers of the Constitution had a separation there. You know what people's opinion is? It's the Constitution of the United States. It is the constitution of Colorado and it is all the rules and ordinances of Estes Park." (David Habecker as quoted by ABC)

David Habecker is within his rights when he refuses to recite the pledge, but he's delusional if he thinks this absolves him from true believer retribution at the ballot box. David sealed his own fate, and that's a no shit fact.

Utah 'Thisclose' To Yanking Border Jumping Scumbag Licenses
Source: News Max [03/03]

Utah Legicrats thrilled the state's border jumping scumbags, and those who coddle them, by passing a new law that replaces their driver's licenses with a much more restrictive document called "a driving privilege card". The usual suspects responded with an anguished howl, then spewed demented prose that likened the new state document to the mark imposed on Jews by the Nazis during the Holocaust. I'm guessing that means these border jumper coddlers aren't pleased with Utah or its Legicrats.

'...The card, according to the bill passed Wednesday by the Legislature, could not be used as identification to board a plane, open a bank account or obtain a driver's license in another state. It would have to be renewed annually and would be a different color than Utah's regular blue driver's license and be printed with the words "FOR DRIVING PRIVILEGES ONLY - NOT VALID FOR IDENTIFICATION."...' (News Max)

If Utah Governor Jon Huntsman signs the bill - it's considered a done deal by the usual 'informed' sources - the bill goes into effect immediately. According to News Max, 'the state would revoke the licenses of at least 58,000 immigrants on their birthdays and cease issuing new licenses to undocumented foreigners'. That sounds like a nifty notion to this pagan scribbler.

Add 'Utah' to your list of states that are doing their part to stem the border jumping scumbag tide.

Amerikan News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [03/02]

Talibanma
Thanks to Legicrap enacted in 1943, Talibanma (the state formerly known as Alabama) anglers who hook a butt-ugly critter called a "garfish" are required to kill the damn thing, rather than throw it back. Six decades later, even Talibanma's Legicrats can't explain why this edict got on the books, so they just passed a bill that would repeal it. Garfish of the world - and we both know who you are - rejoice, your day of deliverance is at hand.

Nebraska
A cornhusker Legicrat, state Senator Ernie Chambers, is annoyed - to say the least - with his colleagues who want to amend the state constitution to protect hunting, fishing and trapping within the state. For those who care, the proposed amendment adds the prose that deems the aforementioned activities a "valued part of the heritage of the people and will be a right forever preserved" (AP). Senator Chambers opines that this is a waste of valuable Legicrat time and he's driving his point home with his own proposed amendments to the state constitution;

'...Chambers has filed 35 amendments to protect the hunting of a myriad of other things, including the missing Earhart plane, the ark, Osama bin Laden and the Holy Grail...' (AP)

For those who obsess on such things, Nebraska's proposed 'right to hunt, fish and trap' amendment isn't the first of its type. Eleven other states have already been there, done that. And here you were worrying needlessly.

Kansas
A Kansas Toll Booth icon and shining tribute to Cross Cult tolerance named Reverend Fred Phelps Sr. is the prime mover behind a proposed initiative that would repeal Topeka's (Kansas) 'ordinance that prohibits discrimination against homosexuals in municipal hiring' (News Max). Although Kansas is hardly a haven for homos, Topeka voters shot down Rev Phelps and his homophobic notion by a comfortable 53% to 47% margin this week. Many voters - on both sides of this contentious issue - cite Rev. Phelps' well-documented antics for this initiative's defeat:

'...Some said they opposed repealing the measure partly because of Phelps, who has long been a fierce foe of gay rights. His church has picketed the funerals of AIDS victims for more than a decade. And his protest outside the 1998 funeral for Matthew Shepherd, the gay college student beaten to death in Wyoming, led to his portrayal in the play "The Laramie Project."...' (News Max)

Reverend Fred's notorious tolerance aided and abetted his granddaughter Jael Phelps' stunning defeat in her bid to unseat an openly gay Topeka city council wench named Tiffany Muller. Thanks to granddaddy's well-deserved reputation, Jael came in dead last. Is rational adulthood rearing it's ugly head in Kansas, or is this simply an aberration? When we know the answer to that one, we'll pass the info along. So, until then, stay tuned.

Fed up with federal foot-dragging, excuses and ineptitude, legicrats in two different states - Oklahoma state Senator Tom Adelson; Arizona state Representative Russell Pearce - are drawing up legislation that would allow a fired Amerikan worker in their respective states to sue companies that hire border jumping scumbags. Although the specifics for each bill differ on various minor points, both bills would result in businesses having their state license suspended if they get caught employing border jumping scumbags.

No matter how these bills fare in their respective states, the message goes out loud and clear: Amerikan citizens, in increasing numbers, are fed up with W's refusal to safeguard our nation's borders. If he won't slam the door on these border jumping scumbags we'll find somebody else who will. If the border jumper coddling asshats in congress don't get serious about securing our borders, we'll replace them, too, with somebody who will close our goddamn borders...NOW!

Theocratica Passes Illegal Immigration Restrictions
Source: Washington Times [02/23]

Both houses of Theocratica's (the state formerly known as Virginia) legislature passed Legicrap that would kick border jumping scumbags off the state taxpayer gravy train with a bill that would 'deny illegal aliens access to state and local public benefits, including Medicaid' (Times). That puts the bill's fate in Governor Mark Warner's hands, where its chances are dismal, at best.

Based on the lopsided votes in both chambers - 81-17 in the House; 27-11 in the Senate - it's clear that the Legicrats finally 'get it' when it comes to the mushrooming voter outrage over the border jumping scumbag invasion. If Governor Warner wants to play fast and loose with his political career by vetoing the bill, he'll pay the ultimate price when he comes up for re-election in 2006.

Utah Wants Out of Federal Educrap Scheme
Source: Washington Times [02/23]

Utah Legicrats are thisclose to telling Uncle Sam to take his $116,000,000, and the No Child Left Behind scheme, then stick both where the sun don't shine. If the Legicrats resist W's round-the -clock arm twisting, Utah would become the first - but probably not the last - state to 'opt out' of No Child Left Behind. According to the bill's sponsor, Rep. Margaret Dayton (Elephant Clan), there isn't any opposition, on either side of the state legislature's political aisle, to her opt out bill.

This one-size-fits-all federal Educrap edict exacts an unacceptably high price and Utah, along with several other states, want out, so they can set education requirements to suit their state's specific needs. If Utah follows through with its plan to scuttle No Child Left Behind, look for Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Minnesota, Nebraska, North Dakota, Vermont and Theocratica (the state formerly known as Virginia) to follow Utah's lead. Is this federal Educrap edict in trouble? You better believe it, states rights Sparky.

Newt Sounds Off On Immigration
Source: Washington Times [02/21]

Former House Speaker, and vast right-wing conspirator emeritus, New Gingrich, used his appearance at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) to sound off on the problem Amerika's hacks try their best to ignore: the flood of border jumping scumbags who invade our nation, daily. According to the Washington Times, Newt laid out the following goodies:

Completely seal Amerika's borders with Mexico and Canada

Deport border jumping scumbags within 72 hours of their arrest.

Exclude the courts from reviewing these speedy deportation orders.

The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution does not grant these border jumping invaders the same rights as Amerikan citizens.

The green card system needs to be "relatively open", whatever the hell that means.

Although Newt made these points and elicited cheers from the right-wing conspirator assemblage, he frustrated his audience by failing to elaborate on how we accomplish the policy items he set forth. Newt understands that, before you can offer up detailed solutions to a given problem, you must, first and foremost, get all the relevant individuals up to speed on the nature and scope of the problem under discussion. That, in this scribbler's considered opinion, is exactly what Newt did at the CPAC confab.

Unlike Newt's stanchly conservative audience, PIG is not the least bit annoyed by Newt's broad brush comments on our most pressing, no shit our most relentlessly ignored (by our elected officials), problem. PIG is delighted that Newt sounded the warning and tried his best to put this vital issue on the front, political hack, burner. Kudos are conferred on Speaker Gingrich for putting himself on record about the border jumping scumbag invasion.

Iowa Supreme Court Rules Again Illegal Immigrants
Source: The Gazette (Cedar Rapids, Iowa) [02/18]

Iowa's Supreme Court just issued a unanimous ruling that has border jumping scumbags and those who coddle them in a tizzy. As a result of this ruling, the state's Department of Transportation is given the unambiguous authority to deny a state driver's license to illegal immigrants. According to the state's highest court this denial is 'legal and constitutional'.

'...Although there are thousands of illegal aliens residing in Iowa, the Supreme Court justices ruled that their unauthorized presence in the United States precludes them from qualifying for privileges extended to legal residents...' (The Gazette)

When lefty-infested Iowa starts acting 'rational' about a hot-button issue like illegal immigration, it's time to start checking the drinking water for toxins.

A Theocratica Daily Double
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [02/18]

Item 1
Theocratica (The State formerly known as Virginia) legicrats came within a whisker of passing a bill that would require the state's cess-schools to notify parents when a cess-school inmate refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. The bill suffered an untimely demise when Theocratica's Senate Education and Health Committee deep sixed the legicrap with a bill-killing 7-7 tie vote.

Item 2
The same Theocratica panel, the Senate Education and Health Committee, also banished a bill that would prevent illegal aliens from attending Theocratica's state colleges and universities. The 12-3 vote sealed the bill's fate, ending, for the moment, Theocratica's uncharacteristic detour into rational adulthood.

Adjudicating Assimilation
Source: News Max [02/14]

A Tennessee judge, Barry Tatum, has Korrectnik panties in a hyper wad thanks to his eregiously politically incorrect rulings. On five separate occasions, he ordered certain English-challenged Amexican wenches charged with abuse and neglect to learn English, stat (within 6 months) or risk losing custody of their children.

'...Despite criticism from some legal corners, Wilson County Judge Barry Tatum, a first-term jurist and former attorney, has defended his decisions, saying he made his rulings because the women need to assimilate American language and culture for the betterment of their children...' (News Max)

Citing one sombrero stomping wench's ignorance, Korrectnik activists complain that the six months Judge Tatum gave the mother to learn English is grossly inadequate. Judge Tatum isn't on the record with a response, nor is one anticipated, under the circumstances. Unfettered by such Judicial restrictions, PIG will answer for Judge Tatum: BITE ME, Korrectnik asshats.

Rain-Soaked Valentines
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [02/14]

Seattle (Washington)
Undaunted by seven and a half years in a state graybar hotel, child molesting poster wench, Mary Kay Latourneau, won't allow 'society' to deter her from being with her former pupil - the daddy of her two youngest children. Giving 'society' the finger, 42-year old Mary Kay announced her plans to marry her victim, 22-year old Vili Fualaau on April 16, 2005.

Mary Kay won't be denied. She wanted Vili when the lad was a prepubescent, 12 year old heartbreaker and she got him. She still wants her Vili, now that he's a street legal 22, and she got him again.

Spokane (Washington)
When Ferris High School administrators cancelled the 'Gayest Valentine Dance' - an annual Spokane event staged for differently-sexual teenagers and their 'guests' - a mere 24 hours before the event, the attendees took the news in stride. Undaunted, they moved the event to the Spokane Falls Community College where, presumably, a good time was had by all.

Although Ferris High officials justified their antics by citing the fun fact that guests up to 22 years of age were allowed to attend the dance, the event's organizers don't buy it. Why? Because the same 14 to 22 year old group passed muster, last year, when Ferris High hosted the event. The 14 to 22 year old group also passed muster, two years ago, when North Central High did the honors. If you're smelling a culture war casualty, join the club.

Petty Tyrant or Hero?
Source: Sacramento Bee [02/14]

Flint (Michigan) mayor, Don Williamson, is, depending on whom you ask, a petty tyrant or a hero. Last year, he thrilled First Amendment purists spitless when he decreed that, henceforth, city workers couldn't have non-work-related reading material in the workplace. This year, he got started early, with a mayoral decree that bans the city from perpetrating business transactions with anyone who sued Flint within the past 5 years. Big, big fun.

Faster than speeding shyster spit, the local ACLU asshats are sending up lawsuit trial balloons, for all the good it does them. If they're trying to intimidate Mayor Williamson, it's probably, a wasted effort. Elsewhere, other, rational, adults opine that the mayor's decree won't pass constitutional muster, but, that's unlikely to impress Mayor Williamson, either.

Call me names if you must, because, this pagan scribbler is amused in the extreme, by the mayors antics.

Gotcha!
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [02/11]

When The Racine (Wisconsin) Journal Times snapped Isac Aguero's picture for its regular nightlife feature "On The Town", it set off an unexpected chain of events that catapulted our hero onto the unemployment rolls. A shot of him enjoying a brewskie seems harmless enough, until till you consider what Paul Harvey calls 'the rest of the story'.

In the picture taken on Saturday night, Isac is enjoying a Bud Light. When the management at his employer - CJW, Inc - saw the photo they promptly fired Isac on Monday. Why? CJW is the area's supplier for Budweiser's arch rival, Miller Brewing Company. And now you know the rest of the story.

Tort Reform 101
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [02/10]

In theory, the reform legislation that earned a lopsided 72-26 victory in the U.S. Senate would yank big ticket, class action, lawsuits out of plaintiff-coddling state courts and into the federal courts, where sanity, occasionally, prevails. If the House gives it their okey dokey - a slam dunk, I'm guessing - it will land on 'I'll sign any bill for $29.95' W's desk in short order. After that, the VRWC (vast right-wingnut conspiracy) talkers will be touting the Elephant Clan's bold initiative to reign in out of control trial lawyers. So far, it's all business as usual, but there are those devilish details to consider:

'...Under the compromise legislation, class-action suits would be heard in state court if the primary defendant and more than one-third of the plaintiffs are from the same state. But if less than one-third of the plaintiffs are from the same state as the primary defendant, the case would go to federal court. At least $5 million would have to be at stake for a federal court to hear a class-action suit...' (AP)

It's impossible to determine how this will impact greedy shyster asshats, but you can rest assured they'll find some way to get around this new roadblock on the highway to shyster enrichment. Instead of the familiar nationwide class action suits, these law-degreed cockroaches could enrich themselves with a series of state-wide class action suits. Whatever the case, they'll continue painting that 'pay me or we'll sue' bull's-eye on Amerika's deep pocketed capitalists.

Being that kind of scribbler, I'm willing to grant kudos to the Elephant Clan horde for making it a tad harder for shysters to plunder Amerika's capitalists. It's a good beginning, and that's a no shit fact.

Another Day, Another Nanny Impulse
Source: Washington Times [02/06]

Despite such petty distractions as an ethically-challenged election beset by electoral irregularities that included a new Amerikan record for room temperature voters...Despite a budget drowning in red ink, Washington state legicrats fast tracked the state's most burning issue: a new state ban on body piercing for teenagers. If passed, the legicrap that floated to the surface would place new restrictions on this inexplicably-popular teenage body decor:

'...A proposed law would make it a misdemeanor to pierce minors unless their parents give permission and are present during the procedure. The latter, Mrs. Roach said, almost guarantees that teens won't be getting pierced in inappropriate places...' (Washington Times)

This rain-drenched liberal Eden isn't the first state to go down this Nanny State nitwit road, and they probably won't be the last. Maryland, Virginia, D.C. and Louisiana have 'been there, done that' by passing similar laws, a fun fact that proves how widespread this Nanny State nonsense really is. A teenagers body decor is a matter for his, her or its parents, period. The parents are - and have every right to be - the last word: their kids, their problem, their call.

From sea to shining sea, Amerika's no longer rugged individuals are being coddled to goddamn death by Nanny State asshats. Enough already!

A Top Ten, Golden D'oh Contender
Source: The Charleston Gazette [02/05]

According to the bright bulbs in the recording industry, a Charleston (West Virginia) denizen named Gertrude Walton is public enemy number one, when it comes to illegally trading and/or downloading music on the Internet. According to the RIAA braintrust, Ms. Walton used the name "smittenkitten" to trade 700 pop, rock and rap songs over the information superhighway.

Before you start shouting "Book the wench, Dano", you need to consider what Paul Harvey calls, 'the rest of the story'. Setting a new standard for beyond 'bold' new concepts, this lawsuit against Ms. Walton overlooks several inconvenient facts:

Gertrude died in December 2004
Gertrude was 84 at the time.
'...Walton's daughter, Robin Chianumba, lived with her mother for the last 17 years and said her mother objected to having a computer in the house. "My mother was computer illiterate. She hated a computer," Chianumba said. "My mother wouldn't know how to turn on a computer."..' (Gazette)

After these thrilling fact hit the proverbial fan with a resounding "splat", an RIAA spokesdolt, belatedly, opined that the recently departed Gertrude isn't the dastardly music trading "smittenkitten" after all. No shit, Einstein.

Those Devilish Details
Source: South Florida Sun-Sentinel [02/05]

Thanks to a typo perpetrated by person - or persons - unknown, 3 decades ago, "Satin Wood Drive" in Columbia, Maryland, made landfall in the city's official records as "Satan Wood Drive". "D'oh", doesn't begin to describe this devilishly named street's residents' attitude, after years of lame jokes about their address.

It's only a name, you protest? Agreed, but those living on Satan Wood Drive are no longer amused, so they're trying to get the city to change the name back to "Satin Wood Drive", but it's not easy getting anyone to take them seriously:

'...At a recent town budget hearing, as the residents made their case, the meeting erupted in guffaws. "They wouldn't think it was so funny if they had to live on the street," muttered Barbara Chapman, who has lived there four years...' (Sun-Sentinel)

Fear not, supernaturalist readers - and we both know who you are - the devilishly-named street's denizens are closing in on a solution. They finally have the city's approval, plus, they garnered the require signatures from the street's residents. All they have to do now is pass the hat for the requisite $2,581.20 and the name change is a done deal. Satan will soon be banished from Columbia, Maryland's maps. That's gotta earn a rousing "amen" from the congregation.

Afterthought
The Sun-Sentinel included this tasty tidbit:

'...[When a Satan Wood Drive resident named Sandy] called to order drapes from J.C. Penney. She spelled out the address for delivery, and the saleswoman dropped the phone. "When she finally got back on the phone," Sandy recalled, "she said, 'You won't believe this, your order number is 666.'"...'

And how was your day?

Illegal Immigration In The News
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [02/02]

Colorado
Wilting under the pressure exerted by Congressman Tom Tancredo and countless outraged, 'protect our borders', Colorado denizens, Colorado Governor Bill Owens ordered that a border jumper 'how to' pamphlet, "Inform Yourself", be removed from the state's official website. A virtual, step-by-step guide for border jumpers, the pamphlet included the following goodies:

'..."Private organizations such as clinics or schools by policy do not ask about the immigration status of persons who attend. They do not report them to immigration authorities, either."

"The job of the police is not to report you to Immigration. Always carry the name and phone number of an attorney who will take your calls. If you do not have [immigration] papers, you also have the right to remain silent or call a lawyer."

"Many businesses employ illegal aliens without papers, or without verifying that papers are legitimate since they do not have the responsibility to investigate the legal status of employees or contractors... All workers, regardless of their legal status, have the same rights — the right to work — regardless of your nationality or legal status ..."

"Regardless of your economic or immigration status, you have the right to receive medical attention if you go to the [emergency room]."

"You can receive medical services at the community clinic closest to you. Doctors do not deport."...' (Washington Times)

A group called Defend Colorado Now is determined to emulate Arizona with a ballot initiative that would, permanently, stop border jumping scumbags from swilling at the public trough - ban them from using state and county services. PIG endorses Defend Colorado Now's campaign, 1000%. Furthermore, PIG welcomes Colorado's entry into the fight to repel the border jumping scumbag invasion.

Virginia
This pagan scribbler shelved 'Theocratica' (this scribbler's name for Virginia), temporarily, since the state's hacks initiated a bill that would "forbid illegal aliens from attending state-sponsored schools". As expected, border jumping scumbag coddlers were far from thrilled.

The following quotes were pulled from a Washington Times article:

"The idea of forbidding them to enroll in school at all is Draconian and it's going to have a very bad outcome in that you will create a whole level of undereducated class coming out the ranks. The children didn't enter the U.S. illegally -- you are punishing the wrong constituency." (Lynda S. Zengerle, a shyster who specializes in coddling border jumpers)

"It's a misdirected attempt to penalize capable Virginia high school students. We're denying them the rights to better themselves ... and this limits their options to being a day laborer, a cook or a gang member." (State Legicrat, Delegate Adam P. Ebbin, Donkey Clan)

This pagan is pleased - startled, but pleased - to welcome the bill's sponsors to the wonderful world of rational adults. Thanks to you, your state reclaims it's given name...until you revert to your old, bad, habits.

A border jumping scumbag living in Jackson (Mississippi), validated W's contention that these illegal immigrant invaders "do jobs that Americans won't do", when he set up a thriving business manufacturing and selling counterfeit Social Security cards, plus, assorted other identification documentation. Officers who raided Juan Carlos Andrade-Lerma's abode found lots of differently-valid goodies:

'...counterfeit resident alien cards, driver's licenses, identification card templates, typewriters, Polaroid cameras, and a color printer/scanner and laminating machine....' (Sun-Herald)

Be sure and add "counterfeiting Social Security cards" to your list of "jobs Americans won't do". I'll let you pass the thrilling news along to our myopic "open borders are nifty" Oval Office denizen.

Taxing Cosmetic Surgery
Source: S. F. Chronicle [01/27]

Hacks in Washington (the state) and Illinois plot to make that facelift, Botox injection, tummy tuck and/or boob job a 'taxing' experience by adding cosmetic procedures to the tender mercy of the relevant state sales tax. The theory seems to be that such procedures are frivolous, elective, procedures not dire, life or death necessities. Bold new concept. One less than thrilled 'nip and tuck' purveyor noted that childbirth is also elective surgery, so why not tax that, too?

When, exactly, did cosmetic surgery make the 'just another sin to be taxed', cut? I get - sort of - the alleged thinking behind taxing such allegedly-sinful items as smokes and adult beverage, but nip and tuck? I don't think so, tax and spend bonkers, Legicrat Sparky.

Afterthought
Proving how Korrectnik the Washington nip-tuck tax is, it specifically excludes reconstructive surgery for women who underwent a mastectomy.

If you live in Washington or Illinois and happen to stray too close to a state Legicrat, you might want to give them a rational adult reality check: The best way to balance the government's books is very damn simple...spend less money, shit for brains.

Judge Nukes Vegas Lap-Dance Law
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [01/23]

District Court Judge, Sally Loehrer upheld a lower court ruling by ruling that a law forbidding strippers from "fondling" or "touching" customers is unconstitutionally vague. As a direct result of this ruling, these booty shakers can't be nailed for violating the city's municipal code when they 'touch' a customer or 'sit on a customer's lap'.

Some of you - and we both know who you are - won't like this ruling but I'm okey dokey with any decision that aids, abets or advances inalienable individual liberty. It's a sovereign individual thing, so get over it.

Assorted Amerikan News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [01/22]

Arkansas
Billy Clinton's home state homeboys are following Arizona's example with a bill that would severely restrict any border jumping scumbag attempts to swill at the taxpayer funded trough. They're also taking meaningful steps to keep these invaders from voting. A proposed bill's sponsor, state Senator Jim Holt, has usual illegal immigrant coddling asshats in a tizzy with this pointed prose:

'..."If our republic's to be saved, we'd better," he said. "It's obvious the president has no intention to secure the borders, and I think this is by design. I think they're dedicated to destroying the sovereignty and heritage and culture of this nation for their own purpose, whatever that may be."...' (Washington Times)

You can bet the proverbial farm that the border jumping scumbags and their MALDEF (Mexican-America Legal Defense and Education Fund) co-conspirators will fight this Arkansas legicrap tooth and nail. When the dust settles and a victor is declared, PIG will bring you the news.

Utah
Two state legicrats are in a public whiz-a-thon over polygamy. The fur began to fly when Democratic Minority Whip, Ron Allen, passed out a polygamy-bashing tome entitled, "God's Brothel". Spouting "polygamists are harmless fuzzballs" rhetoric, state Senator Charlene Holt fired back by passing out reading material that defended polygamy as 'natural and not necessarily harmful' (Seattle Post-Intelligencer) to fellow legicrats.

The political ball is back in Senator Allen's court. What will he do with it? I haven't got a clue, but if this is Utah's number one with a bullet legislative issue, life is good and both these hacks should shut up, sit down and get on with it. Don't make me come over there.

Pennsylvania
A federal court shot down Pennsylvania's attempt to prosecute a Mexifornia skin flick purveyor, Extreme Associates, for peddling porn, declaring the relevant state porn-crushing edicts unconstitutional. District Court Judge Gary Lancaster's ruling has two intriguing findings:

'...Because people have a right to view such material in the privacy of their own home, there's a right to market it...'

'...The judge also found that the state cannot ban material simply because it finds it objectionable, based on the U.S. Supreme Court's June 2003 ruling that struck down a state ban on gay sex. The Supreme Court's ruled that the ban was an unconstitutional violation of privacy...' (AP)

It's a virtual slam dunk that W's porn hating minion, U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, will take this case all the way up the judicial ladder in her mindless zeal to repeal porn peddlers' First Amendment rights. Why? I haven't got a clue, but I predict that some-damn-how, "it's for the children".

Afterthoughts
I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. No, I don't partake of Extreme Associate's wares, nor do I own stock in that company. It's an inalienable individual liberty thing...yes, again.

"It is not very inspiring to fight for the freedom of the purveyors of pornography or their customers. But in the transition to statism, every infringement of human rights has begun with the suppression of a given right's least attractive practitioners. In this case, the disgusting nature of the offenders makes it a good test of one's loyalty to a principle." ("Censorship: Local and Express", by Ayn Rand)

Case closed.

Assorted News Nuggets
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [01/19]

Montgomery County, Indiana
Montgomery County hacks are mulling a nifty notion that would render a proposed Ten Commandments shrine on the county courthouse's front lawn, immune to secular, take that damn thing down, shyster assults. Someone with functional synapses suggested that the county sell the plot of land in question - the courthouse's front lawn - to a civilian. That easily, the patch becomes private property and thus, street legal for a supernaturalism-promoting shrine. At press time, the relevant county hacks were still mulling this idea.

Depending on which secular bunker you visit, the reaction to this inspired notion varies. You can bet the farm that the ACLU won't be thrilled spitless, but, believe it or not, this pagan scribbler deems his idea "no harm, no foul". And here you were worrying needlessly.

Washington D.C.
After a contentious confirmation hearing by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee during which Mexifornia Socialist Hackette, Barbara Boxer, impugned Secretary of State nominee, Condi Rice's character, the aforementioned Legicrat cabal voted 16-2 to send the nomination to the Senate floor. Far from content with the character assassination perpetrated by Comrade Boxer, the Senate's Donkey Clan cabal delayed the final confirmation, so they could 'pile on' via a prolonged, senate floor, Condi-bashing exercise.

Make no mistake, a bit worse for the wear, Ms. Rice will win confirmation by a comfortable margin, after the Donkey Clan exacts some retribution for their stunning defeat in the November 2004 election cycle. Asinine? You better believe it, sore loser Sparky.

Boston, Massachusetts
According to an unidentified Mexican dude, two Iraqis and four Chinese who crossed our illegal alien friendly, Southern, border are planning to stage a dirty bomb attack in Boston. Although unconfirmed, the report set the wheels in motion within the FBI, the Homeland security cabal and the relevant Bay State government circles.

After the initial report, the two Iraqis vanished from the story, but the same informant, eventually, provided names for the four Chinese border jumpers.

'...[According to the ubiquitous 'informed', unnamed, source] the caller has not identified himself and did not show up for a meeting with federal investigators in California but he did leave pictures of four Chinese men and some names at a "drop'' site at the Mexico-California border. "They were dropped by the source at a location. He literally threw them over a fence from Mexico to the U.S. side,'' said the source. "There are pictures of the four Chinese and some names but just how accurate they are remains a question''...' (Boston Herald)

Will a dirty bomb radiate Bay State denizens into the afterlife? Nobody knows, but the proper authorities are taking the threat very seriously. PIG News will bring you all the relevant details, in forthcoming issues.

Seattle, Washington
Outgoing Donkey Clan Governor, Gary Locke, said farewell to the state's medical professionals with a proposed increase in business taxes that he decided to impose on the state's doctors. As usual, this sorry saga involves a fiscally-challenged, Nanny State entitlement: Medicaid. Thanks to this blue state's lefty-inspired largesse, the state's Medicaid system is in shambles. Essentially a losing proposition for Washington's medical purveyors, Medicaid is such a drain on the doctor's time, and balance sheet, that, increasingly, doctors opt out, by refusing to accept Medicaid patients.

Lefty hack Locke decided that his new business tax increase would allow him to perpetrate wealth redistribution by taking money from 'no Medicaid patients allowed' doctors and giving it to Medicaid-friendly doctors via an increase in the approved pay schedule for Medicaid-related services. Locke's alleged successor, Christine Gregorie, is thinking the proposal over, but I'm guessing that this lefty hackette will celebrate her controversial election by sticking it to the state's doctors. Why? Because, outside the Twilight Zone, no Donkey Clan lefty ever said 'no' to a tax increase, even one that could put some of the state's doctors out of business. Liberals never let reality intrude on an enriching, tax-raising, Nanny State notion.

Until a critical, outraged voter, mass throws these big government hacks out of office, Washington is doomed to continue it's death spiral into Nanny State oblivion.

Family Values Angst In Spokane
Source: Seattle Times [01/16]

Spokane (Washington) GLAAD BAAGs outraged the city's family values majority when they announced plans for a privately-funded project that includes homes, businesses and nightlife catering primarily - if not exclusively - to Spokane's differently-sexual denizens. One GLAAD BAAG friendly Spokane denizen described the scheme thusly:

'..."We're talking about an actual, physical part of town we would like to establish as a gay district," said Marvin Reguindin, owner of a Spokane graphic-design firm, who envisions an area similar to the Castro district of San Francisco or Capitol Hill in Seattle...' (Times)

You don't need a Nostradamus prediction or prophetic Tome prose to guess that Spokane's family values denizens aren't thrilled spitless about this notion...so what else is new? They don't relish the prospect of a sin-drenched, GLAAD BAAG neighborhood in their town, but they're hard pressed to do anything to stop it. As long as this GLAAD BAAG neighborhood scheme is privately funded, this differently-sexual 'hood' is none of their business. In this case, the venerable marketplace, not family values supernaturalism, gets to pass judgement. That works just fine for this pagan, but don't pin your hopes on a rousing "amen" from the congregation, this time around.

Turmoil In Brooklyn
Source: New York Daily News [01/14]

The publishers of a Polish news magazine, 'Forum', launched Big Apple Mecca Maniacs into orbit when the new issue hit the newsstands sporting a bare-breasted Burkha-wearing hottie on the front cover. Faster than warp speed camel spit, certain locals are in a lather, spouting some purple prose about this Polish rag:

'...Outraged by what they call an insult to Islam, Yemeni newspaper vendors in Greenpoint are refusing to sell the latest edition of Forum magazine. Some have painted big black X's over the exposed flesh and are threatening to boycott the popular Polish-language weekly...' (Daily News)

It's a good thing this magazine is published in Polish, or the local Mecca Maniacs would go postal, big time. Why? Because the article that elicited the controversial cover shot discusses 'sex and Islam'. Among other things, the article's author opens that 'the religion has been hijacked by "frustrated fanatics" who get their kicks from terror' (Daily News). The truth still hurts and that's a no shit fact. True or not, the Mecca Maniacs don't want to hear about it. I'd advise them to get over it, but it's so not their style.

Afterthought
If you're a Big Apple denizen, do everyone a favor and send PIG News a copy of this stop the presses cover photo.

The A's Caper
Source: Boston Globe [01/14]

The Bay State (Massachusetts) Emerilized their jury duty scheme when the state Office of Jury Commissioner 'accidentally' limited the jury summons recipients to state denizens whose last name begins with 'A'. Faster than a John Kerry flip-flop, the relevant state hacks pointed an accusing finger at the computer program, spouting drivel about a glitch that prevented it from shuffling the names before issuing the 'come on down' summons.

The telling comment in this fishwrap piece comes from the Suffolk County District Attorney's spokesdolt, David Procopio:

"We do not believe that what was basically a procedural defect compromised the integrity of the jury pool. While the law does require random summonsing of jurors, we do not believe that the first letter of a person's last name is a substantive characteristic of randomness. Much more important is randomness based on race, gender, and other more substantive issues, and this pool does have that." (Globe, emphasis added.)

A 'group think' true believer, Mr. Procopio thinks that justice is as simple as getting the proper racial/gender mix. This notion marching in lockstep with the ultimate racist canard that spews from Amerika's Ivory Towers: each group is believed to have it's own set of authorized beliefs, its own reality. For Mr. Procopio, selecting the jury pool is limited to the proper mix of immutable traits. Call me names if you must, but a jury pool selected by the first letter of their last name makes much more sense. So sue me.

Florida Legicrats' Constitutional Tussle
Source: South Florida Sun-Sentinel [01/13]

Two Florida state legicrats - both Elephant Clan - are thrilling their Donkey Clan counterparts spitless with a scheme to rewrite the state's constitution. Loaded down by numerous voter-mandated notions, the egregiously bloated state constitution needs to be "streamlined", the two 'let's make the constitution nifty' legicrats opine. According to these two eager hacks, the state's ruling document needs to be converted into 'a more "pure" and "pristine" document' (Sun-Sentinel).

As expected, Donkey Clan legicrats don't welcome this constitutional re-write with open arms:

'..."We have a process for reviewing the constitution that is broadly inclusive and designed with high thresholds for doing anything," said state Sen. Steve Geller, D-Hallandale Beach. "For the Legislature to sort of turn itself into a mini constitutional revision commission shows incredible arrogance."...' (Sun-Sentinel)

This looming constitutional tug-of-war sounds like (dirty) business, as usual, to this pagan scribbler. In essence, "streamlining" translates into a hack scheme to enshrine some artificial, bogus, "rights" and eradicating certain other, artificial - bogus - alleged "rights".

"Each individual is born with a full complement of rights. The government can't give you new rights; it can only take the ones you already have." (PIG: pre_pigdoctrine.html)

If you're a sovereign individual who resides in Florida, pay close attention to this political tug-of-war, because the liberty at risk is yours.

Another Oval Office Contender?
Source: Pagan Scribbler News Wire [01/08]

Vast right-wingnut conspiracy mainstay, Newt Gingrich, is - reportedly - testing the 2008 Oval Office derby waters when he takes his book tour to those notorious political graveyards: Iowa, New Hampshire. His new tome - "Winning the Future: A 21st Century Contract With America" - is, according to the usual suspects, a campaign platform in disguise. Bold new concept.

Newt's Oval Office prospects are iffy, at best, since he packs too much political baggage from his colorful political career. His 1994 Legicrat revolution earned him relentless enemies across the political aisle. Trust me when I tell you that elephants aren't the only critters with long memories. Closer to home - politically - the righteous right won't forgive and forget Newt's checkered marital history. Newt is, it appears, damned on both flanks. He's too smart for Donkey Clan lefties and too human for the rigidly righteous right. All things considered, Newt appears to be a 2008 longshot, at best.

The silver lining in a Newt candidacy involves the fun he'll have elevating the political discourse. Well read, and very damn intelligent, Newt might force his 2008 opponents to - gasp - think, for a change. That fun factoid makes a Newt Oval Office run pagan scribbler cool.

A Patriotic Brain-Fart
Source: ABC [01/07]

Thanks to a new edict perpetrated by an Elephant Clan, state legicrat, Senator Mike Fasano, most - if not all - of Florida's 156,000 K-12 classrooms need to replace their existing stars and stripes with a new flag. Why? The new statewide edict mandates a 3 foot by 2 foot flag, period, and the existing classroom flags don't meet this non-negotiable requirement. As a result, schools are scrambling to comply with the edict, diverting essential resources from Educrap's prime functions.

A typical hack, Senator Fasano is shocked...shocked I tell you...that his edict generated so much turmoil. As usual, he's ducking the richly deserved blame as if it's radioactive:

"Had the school districts come to us, and said, 'We have suitable flags,' I would have had no problem grandfathering them in." (Senator Mike "Asshat" Fasano, as quoted by ABC)

This hack needs to wake the hell up, stat. Did he even bother to assess this legicrap's financial impact on the states cess-schools before he rammed it down their throats? No way in hell, peabrained legicrat Sparky. Thanks to Senator Fasano, Florida's Johnny still can't read, write or compute, but he's got a legally-mandated size flag in his classroom.

Washington's Endless Election
Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer [01/04]

Washington's hotly-contested gubernatorial election spawned more screaming headlines today, when Elephant Clan officials announced that several key counties counted more votes than there were voters. Unfazed by the Elephant Clan's voter fraud smoking gun, the usual hack suspects advised Elephant Clan alarmists to take a chill pill.

'...County auditors and election officials say Republicans have based their conclusions on there being many more votes than voters on preliminary lists, and they say much of the deviation would be accounted for as voter lists are updated. But they do not dispute that the numbers don't add up...' (Post-Intelligencer)

As long as blue state Washington remains in Donkey Clan hack hands, the Elephant Clan is SOL. "They" stole the election, the old fashioned way, and they don't intend to let inconvenient facts spoil their victory celebration. Did the Donkey Clan steal this election? Probably. Is their election thievery right? Nope. Can anything be done about it? No way in hell, 'we was robbed' pachyderm Sparky.

Dobson Bull's-Eyes Donkey Clan Legicrats
Source: News Max [01/03]

A noted supernaturalist - Focus on The Family's James Dobson - served official, public, notice that he'll paint a 'known enemy of family values' bull's-eye on six Donkey Clan senators, if they block W's judicial nominees in the forthcoming congressional session. After mustering his million-strong morality mutant horde, Dobson threw down the gauntlet, by naming six U.S. Senators for termination, if they crossed this family values line in the sand:

'...Dobson's list includes Senators Ben Nelson, Nebraska; Mark Dayton, Minnesota; former Klansman Robert C. Byrd, West Virginia; Kent Conrad, North Dakota; Jeff Bingaman, New Mexico; and Bill Nelson, Florida...' (News Max)

With a family values war chest estimated at $170,000,000 for 2005, plus a million - or more - followers, Dobson has the resources to make his targeted hacks miserable, big damn time. Like you, I eagerly await Blithering Bobby Byrd's, senate floor response. It's big fun time, again, in the U.S. Senate.

Naming Rights In Kentucky
Source: Lexington Herald-Leader [01/02]

Prestonsburg (Kin-tucky) Mayor, Jerry Fannin, strayed onto the state Transportation Cabinet's radar when he - gasp - dared to name a city street that just happened to double as a 'state maintained road'. It's not the first time Mayor Fannin played road name roulette and it, probably, won't be the last:

'...Earlier this year, state highway officials forced Fannin's city crew to remove another street sign on a separate state entrance to the golf course: a new 1.3-mile $5 million road from nearby Jenny Wiley State Resort Park. The new street sign bore the name of his new wife, Charity, 20. Fannin appeared confident that he will be able to put it back...' (Herald-Leader)

Mayor Fannin noted - citing written validation from a state hack toiling for 'the Legislative Research Commission' - that "...the state gives [the road] a route number, but the city is free to name it..." (Herald-Leader). You don't need Nostradamus to predict that hacks in the state's transportation cabal disagree, but that's probably turf-defending hot air. If this is Kentucky's top transportation-related problem, life is damn good. These state transportation bureaucrats should do state taxpayers a big favor by shutting the hell up.